Sins of the Father

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur felt the softness of her touch on his lips, which only caused his eyes to water anymore. He did not deserve this, and yet she gave him so much support . . . so much love. While the kiss had started soft and lingering, he brought his hands up and rested them on either side of her cheek, deepening the kiss, as if he was afraid to let go. He felt that everything around him would crumble if her touch ceased, though logically he knew she would be here for him. It was a strange sort of contradiction, but a very strong dependency on her. For she was the only one who would have been able to calm him down; she was the only one who did manage to calm him down. His eyes had closed since the moment she kissed him, but now a single tear managing to make its way down his already stained cheek.

He was not sure how long the passage of time had been. For seconds or minutes could have easily been hours or days. He finally slowly, and regrettably, pulled away, just allowing their foreheads to rest against one another. He kept his eyes closed, far too ashamed to look her in the eyes as he spoke his next words. "I did a terrible thing." He had attacked his father; he had nearly killed him. His voice was a breathless whisper. Had their faces not already been so close, he knew she would not have been able to hear him.

[Guinevère]

Arthur deepened the kiss, and Guinevère gasp softly for a moment before falling into it. She did not know what was hurting him but she was glad to know that he wanted her near. Even if he never said a word--"I did a terrible thing." He was talking! His words caused a deep pit of worry in her belly but talking was the first step into helping him. She could learn was what happening and from there try to make everything well again. Surely it was not so horrid that nothing could be helped or undone?

"I don't believe that." She told him softly, "I know you Arthur, you might make mistakes but you do them with a good heart. Whatever was done can not be so dark." She reached a hand up to brush his hair back, along the side since their foreheads touched. "Your a good man Arthur, don't let any one tell you other wise. Not even yourself. It's one reason that I love you, why everyone loves you."

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥

[Arthur Pendragon]

Her unwavering faith filled him with the highest honor, yet also devastated him in moments such as these when he felt he was such a great disappointment. She thought so high of him . . . and she should not. But he also knew that she was far too kind hearted to ever think otherwise. At the same time, he knew he could rely on her brutal honesty . . . and hoped she did not show him too much mercy and understanding. For he could blame Morgause until he was blue in the face, but ultimately, it had been his own actions. He was in control of what he was doing, and he should not have been so naive; he should not have been so weak minded. To trust a sorceress over his own father . . . was unforgivable. He shook his head, lowering his hands from her cheeks and resting them by his side. He opened his eyes, but looked down, still too weak to look right at her.

"I . . . " His voice trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. He just shook his head a bit more, trying to calm his racing mind and heart. After a few moments of lingering silence, he slowly brought his eyes to hers, unsure of what emotion was there. "Will you sit with me?" He asked. His expression and tone could be described pitiful, but he was desperate for the comfort only she could give him. And with her standing, he had this nagging fear that she was going to leave . . . even though he knew in his heart that she would never leave him in this state. It was just an irrational fear, one he wished to rid his mind of.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère nodded her head and moved so she could sit with Arthur as he asked. She worried about what he would tell her, but knew her her heart that he was a good man. Nothing he could tell her would be too evil. He was not like some of the men out there who would hurt others for no reason and would be harsh in his words for the pleasure of hurting others.

Even when he was younger and more arrogant he had not said things just to hurt others. While they often degraded the servants they were not aimed to make others feel hurt or crushed. It had been a fine line he walked but never crossed. Now there was miles between them, for he had grown to be such an amazing man. She put her arm around his shoulders and her hand on his arm while moving his hair back in an comforting embrace. "Will you tell me?"

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥

[Arthur Pendragon]

He felt such incredible comfort and consolation from her touch, but again his mind would not allow him to feel he deserved it. She asked him to tell her, and he knew he had to. He could not however exempt himself of blame. Morgause had shown him false images, but it was entirely up to him to react to them . . . and he had reacted poorly. There was also another massive difficulty in this conversation, and that was talking about his mother to her. He had never done such a thing, not having spoken about Ygraine to Guinevère, nor anyone else. It had been such a taboo while growing up that he was not even sure how to commence the conversation that was linked to her. Somewhat linked that is. For Arthur obviously did not believe that the illusion of her was actually his mother. It was all a spell cast by the evil of magic. Something Arthur would never doubt again.

He kept his hands on his lap, not looking at her, but rather, straight ahead of him at the ground. He was trying to mentally formulate the words, but knew there would be no easy nor simple way to explain this. "On my honor, I went to see Morgause." Honor. Such a strange word now, for his actions had been everything but honorable. He knew this would come as no surprise, for everyone had seen the fight and saw Morgause not take the opportunity to kill him. For she had planned for something far worse: to turn a son against his father. But it was a start to what he was trying to explain.

[Guinevère]

She did her best to try to recall who Moraguse was in more detail other then recent events. She knew that the woman had dressed as a knight and challenged Arthur and that the king had not approved, yet Arthur fought her. When he hesitated, she had nearly killed him. What had she to do with this? What had she done?!

Guinevère reached her hand up to keep brushing the strands back, more in comforting touch than the need to do so. "Your a man of your word. You had to do what your heart told you to do." She reasoned, knowing just visiting the woman was not a crime, and knowing that nothing that would cause her heart trouble had happened. Arthur would not allow himself to be such with other women, anymore then she could with another man knowing it would hurt her. "Merlin went with you?" To bring him home.

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥

[Arthur Pendragon]

While Arthur often did follow his heart, in this case it had failed him. For if he had taken a moment to search his heart, he would have realized that he loved his father far more than what his actions suggested, and that he trusted him far above the word of any stranger and sorceress. She was a master of manipulation though, that much was true. And she had been dangerous. She had murdered five guards, and yet Arthur trusted the image she wished to show him. It did not even make sense. Why would that be what a victor would want as penalty from the defeated: an illusion that would benefit him more than her, in the sense that she wanted to show him his mother. None of it made sense. And now, that the rationality of the situation had entered his mind, he felt so incredibly foolish for allowing his judgment to become so clouded.

"Merlin went with you?" Thank goodness he had. Had Merlin not been there, then he may not have interjected when he did; and Uther would have been dead; murdered by his own son. Arthur's gratitude for his servant and friend seemed only to grow day by day as he gave him a strength that Arthur would not have otherwise. Just as Guinevère did. "Yes," he said in a low voice. Merlin had been the voice of reason, catching Arthur just in the right moment for had he not spoken then . . . his sword would not have stopped midair. "At first, I did not understand what she wanted with me," Arthur continued, using what strength he had to keep his voice composed though he had already broken down. He had placed his head where she asked, and she had refrained from killing him. He remembered the confusion in that moment, but now . . . it made sense.

Her evil ploy was far darker and far more evil than he would have ever otherwise anticipated. "But then she said she wished to show me something," he wanted on, knowing that this was where he would lose the very small semblance of courage he had. He continued to look to the ground, the topic fast leading to the subject of his mother. "She," Arthur paused. He was stalling. He knew that. But it was now, that the reason for everything would be revealed; why he had been acting this way. Why he had come home in anger and tears. He did not immediately finish his sentence, for the words caught in his throat. "I should not have trusted her," he said instead, more aloud to himself rather than her and the shame he felt in the fact that he had entrusted her, was not well concealed in the tone of voice he spoke.

[Guinevère]

Arthur did not distrust everyone he met but nor did he trust everyone with in seconds. She knew that he wanted to see the good in everyone because he was good himself. She could only imagine what happened there and why it was so----Did he kill her? Had she seen Merlin? Yes. She felt her heart skip a beat. She knew Arthur would never harm Merlin but something in his tine suggested he did more then something so casual as bruise a friend or fight a woman.

Guinevère said nothing but leaned her head closer so her forehead rested on his shoulder while he spoke. She hoped it would tell him she wasn't backing off. That she was here for him no matter what he said or done. What could be so evil she did not know but she did know that something had hurt him and there was no way she could help him.

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥

[Arthur Pendragon]

In some moments, silence was more comforting than words. With Guinevère, he found comfort in everything she said, and everything she did. Whether it be words spoken in strong sincerity, or non verbal forms of communication that showed how much she cared for him. Such as right now. The way she rested her forehead on his shoulder, made him instinctively turn his head to the side a bit, breathing in her scent, and finding a peace that no one else could, nor ever would, be capable of granting him with. He closed his eyes, knowing that the worst had yet to come, yet thus far she had shown no doubt in him. He did not doubt her feelings for him, while he knew there was also a strange sort of pain in the two of them being in love: for it was not that simple. Yet right now, he only thought of how he could not live without her. How he needed her more than anything and anyone.

In this moment, she was the only thing that kept him from falling to the depths of despair; the only light pulling him out of this darkness he had found himself in. And if possible, it just made him love her even more. He kept his eyes closed, fighting the powerful urge to just kiss her and allow intimacy to cover the explanation he would have to give. But she deserved to know; more than anyone, she deserved to know. He doubted he would even tell Morgana this, for there was just something compelling him to tell Guinevère and only Guinevère. Silently taking a deep breath, he finally breathed out the words, in a low pained voice, no matter how hard he tried to keep it strong, there was weakness in it. It was probably a good thing he was not making eye contact with her, he would have been too ashamed to tell her how easily he had been corrupted. "She showed me my mother."

[Guinevère]

Her hand froze over his brow and her head came up but only to tilt down to look at his face. She did not pull away even an inch, only looked into his face as he looked away. How hard that must have been but so wonderful at the same time! She'd give anything to see her mother, but she knew that her mother was in a better place and she did not know how that could even be . . . . .

Magic. "She must have been beautiful." Guinevère said, trying to stay on the good part, and wondering where they bad would come from. Had he made a deal with her? Sold something? How dark would this deed get? She didn't know but she knew that whatever it was it could not be good. "What did you see?"

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥

[Arthur Pendragon]

"She must have been beautiful." She was and she wasn't. It was so strange. Though he had never met her, he felt such a strong connection to her, as if he would recognize her instantly in a crowded room. That day when the image of her appeared to him, it looked exactly like it. It had even . . . felt like her. Arthur knew it was not though, and he found himself feeling a strange disappointment in this. He longed to see her, to speak to her . . . to apologize to her. When he thought he was actually speaking to his mother, he had apologized for being responsible for her death. And this was a guilt he carried around with him, for it did not seem fair that she had to die in order for him to live. If given the choice, he would instantly switch places with her.

But he knew it had not been her. Morgause's magic was powerful, and it was nothing more than that. That had been part of the devastation over everything that had happened; and that had been Morgause's plan all along. Pure evil. He was unsure he had ever encountered someone as dark and cruel as her. And he probably would not meet anyone worse. "It was nothing but a cruel trick." His voice was cold and dismissive of any of the beauty that could be found in revealing what he saw. It was not a cold tone towards Guinevère, but towards the idea of having seen his mother. He wished for nothing more, but wished that he had not seen her that day. For it was a false illusion, meant to serve a purpose: and it had succeeded.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère leaned back for a moment before looking away for a moment. She felt anger for him, and what this person of magic had done to him. "How cruel!" She said softly more to her self then him. Looking back at him, the surprise and anger on her face very clear. She did not like to think of such emotions of disappointment in him. Arthur worked so hard to make things good in this world and someone they had never even heard of shows up to do this!? Why?

Where was the gain?! "Why would she do such a hurtful thing? How can she have a heart and wish to play and hurt others this way?" She mused allowed as well as to him. She knew something was coming. He had said he'd done something, not something was done to him. There was more and she wasn't sure what else had happened. Had he been angry? Acted out of rage and hurt her? Her heart was breaking for her love, and she wished she could carry this weight for him.

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur had no answers for the questions she asked. This was where it was going to get difficult. For repeating these words would not be easy. He often suppressed his emotions, having been taught and raised with the belief that they are a weakness for a leader to show his true emotions, whether it be anger, fear, sadness, etc. But in this case, on the subject of his mother and nearly killing his father . . . it was impossible for him to conceal his feelings. As it had been the moment he pulled her into the room and closed the door behind them. He still looked to the ground, still unable to look at her, especially with these upcoming words. Morgause had the most evil intentions with this plot of hers, and all he could be thankful for was that none of it had actually been successful. Almost, but not.

And there was a tremendous difference between the two extremes of success and failure in her evil plan. A few moments of silence passed, as Arthur continued to attempt to keep himself under control, whatever composure he had left threatening to break once more. "She told me not to blame my father, for he was the one responsible for her death." That had been what triggered him; but also, it was not the entirety of what his 'mother' had said. It had gotten worse, for she had told him that Arthur was born of magic, and that brought up a whole different series of inexplicable emotions.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère could not imagine such a horrid thought. To think that her father might have raised his voice much less harmed her mother. How could Arthur had bared the thought. Had he known then it was a trick or had he believed for a while? She wanted to ask but she was afraid to give him more heartache by asking for the details. She was take what he could give and try to help him as best as she could.

"I suppose as an outsiders, someone not emotionally involved it's easier for me to see how that could not be true." She said, trying to give him something, "I know there is much I disapprove of with your father but his love for his family has never been one of them. Everyone knows how he loved your mother, and she him. Just as I love you."

"Still, to see her and hear such words. . . . I can not even begin to imagine the pain it would cause." She reached out to take his hand in her's so he would know she was there for him. "I am so very sorry this happened to you." Yet she knew there was more. He'd spoken of his actions.

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥

[Arthur Pendragon]

Guinevère's words only filled him with more guilt. Because she was right. Because he never should have doubted his love for his mother; for he knew the pain he felt in her loss. It was why he never spoke of her. Why he refused the subject and no one dared bring it up in his presence. So how could he doubt his own father, believing the word of a sorceress over him? It was despicable on Arthur's part, and he would never forgive himself for being so naive. His father had been right about the cruel potential that magic had. For this had just surpassed all other things that he'd seen magic capable of. He wished he had more justification for his actions, but he didn't. He could only say that he believed them to come from his mother and even then it was unacceptable. He found himself holding onto her words, speaking of how she loves him as his father loved Ygraine. It meant more to him than he was capable of saying right now. But it did cause his head to turn and his sight to rest on her for several moments.

A silent, but intent gaze upon her. He did not deserve such affection right now, but would not outwardly say that. Because for the moment, it was what he needed more than anything. He finally averted his line of sight back to the ground ahead of him, forcing himself to continue on so that he would not drag out this story for at some point, he would prove himself more of a coward than he already had shown himself to be, and be unable to complete the reason for his anger, rage and tears. "She told me I was born of magic. That my father sacrificed her life for mine." He had already blamed himself for her death, but if that was true . . . if that had been true, then it would have made it all the worse. For it meant that it was not a higher power that determined the fate of his mother, and who should live and who should die: but rather, it had been his own father. And to think that his father would have ever made such a choice . . . well, it was unthinkable!

[Guinevère]

"She told me I was born of magic." This was getting hard to hear, and not because she feared where it might go, but because of the pain he must be feeling. "That my father sacrificed her life for mine." Her heart was breaking for the pain this evil woman must have caused him. He never spoke of his mother as it was, for her to do this too him would cause old wounds and these new ones to fester and ache for years before they could heal again.

She blinked back tears but they fell over her cheeks anyway. Oh Arthur, she told him in her mind, I am so sorry that all this happened, but she did not speak them allowed for she did not want him to know she was crying. She had wanted so badly to kiss him when he looked at her for a moment, but he's looked away before she could. "W--" Her voice cracked from the angry and hurt emotions she felt on his behave. "Why would someone tell you such things?" The king hated magic, and trying to see him use it was imposable. Yet with the timing of history it all almost made since. Yet she knew better, because that wasn't something you could hide. Others would have known, and keeping the magic a secret was impossible.

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur did not have to be looking at her to know that she was crying. He could hear it in her voice. He knew that she was an emotional woman, something he loved about her, and he felt guilty that his words had brought tears to her eyes. He did not wish to burden her with his pain . . . yet the selfish part of him felt the comfort in knowing that he had someone to be with at a time such as this. He wished he could apologize, but right now . . . he could not. He would later, knowing that this was not the way he should be acting, but also knew he could be himself around her. He did not have to keep a hard exterior around her, for she knew him in a deeper way than anyone else. Which was also why it would be so hard to confess his next actions to her. "Why would someone tell you such things?" There was a very specific reason, and he knew he'd have to tell her, as he had already told her the brief background of what happened. "To turn a son against his father." And it had worked.

He had succumbed himself to her trickery. How could he. How could he let himself get so manipulated. He would never forgive himself for these actions, and knew he deserved no solace in hearing other people telling him he was justified and defend his actions for him. "I nearly killed him Guinevère," he continued in a low whisper, the pain of doing such a thing evident in his voice. He felt his eyes moisten with tears, his vision getting slightly blurry from them, but he fought to keep any more tears from falling down his cheeks. "I challenged him to a fight to the death, and I nearly killed him." His voice was weakening, but this had been the reason he was so upset; why he had an emotional breakdown. Part of the horribleness of all this, was what it was not even his own conscience that had stopped him from doing it. It had been Merlin's words. He had the tip of his sword near his father's neck and in that moment, in all his anger, he had every intention of murdering him.

[Guinevère]

"To turn a son against his father." She turned her head to look away from him for a moment in shock. When she looked back at him he spoke again, sounding more in pain. "I nearly killed him Guinevère," She moved her hand over to cup his cheek the best as she could. "I challenged him to a fight to the death, and I nearly killed him."

That was it; the moment she could bare no more. She moved to come before him and cupped his face with both her hands. Her heart was breaking for him and she could hear his pain in his voice. Arthur was hurting and she knew a hug would not ease this pain. Only time would. Leaning forward she kissed him strongly. She hoped it helped him by knowing she was hurting for him rather then pulling away from him.

"Yet you did not. Focus on that part. You did not." She wondered if the king was alright. Had Arthur hurt him? She did not like the idea of anyone hurt but if Arthur had hurt his father he would never allow himself to move past it. "You can foil her plan by standing tall beside your father. Show you she has not weakened your love for him."

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥

[Arthur Pendragon]

When she cupped his face, turning him towards her, he still kept his gaze down. Fearing what he would see in her eyes. Shock? Disappointment? Anger? While he knew her support for him and faith were unwavering, he also knew that no son should ever have come to close to murdering their own father. Just because an evil sorceress told him to believe something. Still without looking at her, he just closed his eyes when she kissed him. He did not move, only reacting with his lips and heart. Other than that he stayed completely still. Aware that this was far more than he deserved right now; but what exactly what he needed right now. When the kiss ended, he kept his eyes closed for a few moments, waiting for the words to come. His eyes slowly trailed to her face. She was giving him far too much credit, for he knew he could not thank himself for not having gone through with it.

He wished he did not have to admit such a thing, but she deserved utmost honesty. Morgause had weakened him; he felt it. The effect that one illusion had on him and the way he reacted to it was inexcusable. "I would have," he said, dropping his gaze, the tears continuing to make a threatening escape from his eyes. She should not think so highly of him when it was not his strength that saved his father's life. "Had Merlin not walked in when he did, I would have killed him." His words though pained to say, were spoken with dead seriousness. It was Merlin that made him realize it; not his own mind. For had it been his own conscience that stopped him, perhaps his actions would be slightly more redeemable. But it was not, and it only made it worse.

[Guinevère]

"I would have," She didn't believe that, "Had Merlin not walked in when he did, I would have killed him." Merlin! Her hear skipped a beat and she was glad he was there! Merlin always made sure Arthur found his way back to her, and even now it seemed he had done so. She would have to kiss that man the next time she saw him in thanks for making sure nothing happened.

"Your thinking with your head, Arthur. Think with your heart." She didn't let go of his cheeks but she did slide her hands gently back so her thumbs could caress his skin there gently. "Merlin--bless that man--could not have stopped you unless you wished to be stopped. As much as he loves you, you are your own man and stronger then he." Or anyone she knew. "You wanted to be stopped. You had to have wanted to be stopped or you would not have done so. Perhaps your father is right in thinking magic can be evil." Thought not in his mindless judging and killing. "We will have to keep our guards up." Because he was not doing this along. She let go of him only to return to her seat and take his hand tightly. "Use this, but do not let it use you."

(¯`v´¯)
.`·.¸.·´ ♥
¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.♥