I've Just Seen A Face [Yassia|Gwaine]

[shonz]

He took all her words like lashings, slapping him in the face, hitting him where it hurts the most. His heart. He deserved this. He knew he did. And he also knew that no matter what he’d say to her, they would only sound like feeble attempts at redeeming his pride. It’d only sound like he was making excuses. How to tell her right, Gwaine didn’t know. He had never been good at this. Heavens, this was the first time he’d ever felt so strongly towards any woman, and he knew he blew it. But he knew, too, he should at least tell her something, try to salvage the situation no matter what the odds.

“Everything is true, Millie. From my life in Gwent to my vagabond years…I may be a knight now, but more importantly, I am also a servant of Camelot,” he replied, ignoring the fact that she had just told him to use her full name and not the nickname that he had always lovingly called her. “I’m sorry for keeping it from you. I’ve been meaning to tell you, but when you told me about Frederick, I--It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just never thought it mattered…when you love someone…” His voice trailed. Of course, it mattered, he told himself. If you love someone, you open yourself up to them. No secrets. He had been a fool. Looking at their situation now, Gwaine didn’t really know what he had been thinking back then keeping his knighthood a secret from Romily.

“Don’t touch me”

Gwaine could see the look of disdain that Romily was giving him, and felt the pain of an imminent loss stab him in the chest a million times over. He looked her in the eyes, his begging for forgiveness and understanding from her blank and cold ones. He would have wanted her to shout at him, beat him with her fists, or slap him. Anything but this stony calmness and blank façade that she was giving him now.

“You’re just a man who thinks that his status can get him what he wants”

Weren’t these the same words that he had told himself about all nobles when he left Gwent. They think of nothing but their own good, their own pride, their own selves. To have these words thrown back at him was like a resounding slap, but Gwaine accepted it all. He searched for something that he could say or do to change her mind about him. It may look like a lost cause, but Gwaine was not one to give up so easily when it comes to Romily.

"I’m done being played like the fool that I am – go find yourself a princess – after all, how could a knight possibly love a lowly barmaid?”

“Please don’t...” Gwaine started to beg. He could feel his heart breaking into a million pieces at her words. He couldn’t let that happen. “If there’s one thing I am guilty of, Millie, it is of loving you with all my heart and my soul. You are my life. If you leave me, I am good as dead,” he said earnestly, beseechingly. Wanting to prove his point and his feelings, he closed the remaining distance between him and Romily, and took both of her hands in his before coming down to his knee. To any bystander, here was an esteemed knight of Camelot kneeling down on one knee to a peasant-looking maiden. He didn’t care.

“I love you, Millie, more than you know. If you wish to be rid of the knight, I will willingly lay down my sword for you, leave these all behind, and go anywhere with you…” he said kissing the palm of her hand. That was true. While Gwaine’s loyalty to Arthur and to Camelot was strong and unwavering, his love for Romily was like the air that he breathes. Losing her would mean losing the essence of his existence. He didn’t know how he could go on without her.

[Romily de Braose]

Romily didn’t know why she was still stood here listening to him, when she’d told herself that she wouldn’t believe another word that would come out of his mouth. It was obvious that Yassia knew what Gwaine was really like.

“I told you not to call me that” she looked at him, “My name is Romily”

She looked to the floor, “whether you love someone or not – you at least need some trust between you, it appears that you do not think that I have that – good day”
With that she turned and began to walk again. She was done with him, done with Knights who cared more about their satisfaction rather than the feelings of others.

Romily was kicking herself inside for not seeing it sooner. A knight! For crying out loud! How more knight-like had he looked when they’d gone for their picnic! It was then she heard him almost beg. She half expected to turn around and see him crawling across the courtyard and reach out to her.
What was it with men? Once they knew they’d done something wrong they’d immediately see what they had lost and be on their knees for forgiveness! Had they no conscience? No stamina to avoid such misfortunate events that wound up with their wives hurt?

“If there’s one thing I am guilty of, Millie, it is of loving you with all my heart and my soul. You are my life. If you leave me, I am good as dead,”

Romily looked over her shoulder and saw that he was following her, taking both of her hands and falling to his knees once he’d reached her. She snatched them back.

“You’d better start digging that grave then” she replied and turned and walked towards the gates, choosing to cancel out his next words that he was saying.

“I love you, Millie, more than you know. If you wish to be rid of the knight, I will willingly lay down my sword for you, leave these all behind, and go anywhere with you…”. Of course, she didnt believe a word of this.

She looked to her left as she walked and saw Yassia watching the events unfold from a distance. Good for her – Romily wanted to think a few things over before she wanted to face her friend. She felt so humiliated! There she was blabbering on about how Gwaine was the most loving man in the world and yet Yassia knew his exact persona.
As she hurried along the only thing Romily now saw in her mind was Gwaine’s face. The images of him and her lying on the ground looking up to the sky on their picnic.

“I just want to lie her beside you, look at you, marvel at your beauty, making sure I’m not dreaming at all…”

She shook his voice from her mind. She wanted nothing more to do with him.

It seemed that sometimes that only person a woman could depend on, was herself.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia had stayed out of earshot to allow the two lovers some privacy to sort this conflict out. Sge even tried to avert her eyes to not catch any meaning of what they might say from the way they acted. But as the talk turned into a heated argument she could not ignore it any longer and almost bashfully watched. Romily was more than shocked, she seemed shattered, that Yassia had already read in her dear friends eyes those few seconds between recognizing Gwaine and approaching him. Shaking her head sadly, Yassia heaved a long sigh. That Romily of all people had to fall for him! She had wished her friend to find someone who truly, deeply loved her, who she could finally leave her past begind with… and now it seemed like her past brutally had caught up with her. The princess knew the story of Frederick and his betrayal that ultimately had made Romily leave her past behind. How cruel could fate be to let history repeat itself all over again?! Again Romily had been played by a knight.

But this time, Yassia was present and she was determined to sort this out, and if she could not do that, she would at least make the culprit pay! That it had to be Gwaine of all people! Old grudges she had held against him ever since they first met suddenly flamed up again as she watched her only friend, the girl that had shown her so much kindness, argue with him. Yes, she had known he was a player, that he moved from woman to woman like a butterfly, but the women she had met before had seemed alright with that, especially Linda. What had she said? “As long as he always returns to me”…
Romily however, the dear Romily, she had been in LOVE with him! How could he let that happen?! How could he play with her feelings just like that, promising her heaven on earth, ‘treating her well’ like Romily had put it so cautiously but not telling her who he was apparently?! Had he been happy like this, living two lives? Could he keep up his vagabond ways by staying incognito? Who knew how many girls there were in some taverns waiting for his visits and hearing from him that she was ‘the only one’?!

She had long since given up trying to change him and she had settled on simply blending out his bad ways to not end up arguing constantly with him. But now he had messed with the wrong girl. He had just broken the heart of a girl Yassia called friend. He could not and he would not get away with that!
Romily apparently was done talking to him and she more ran than walked to flee the fighting ground that had become her personal arena. Yassia felt torn. On one hand, she wanted to follow Romily, console her, just be there for her like Romily had been there for her, but the way her friend turned away probably showed she wanted to be alone.
And then there was Gwaine, still kneeling on the ground in that ridiculous fashion, a blank expression on his face. Did he have ANY idea what he had done?! That clinched it for her. Walking over to him, she towered over Gwaine with an expression of sheer disgust and anger on her face.

“Congratulations”, her tone was icy, she had never used such a cutting voice with him before, not in all their countless arguments. “This time you really excelled yourself!”

[shonz]

All fight left him when he saw Romily turned and left him there kneeling in the middle of the palace grounds. He didn’t care about all the curious eyes and whispers from onlookers that were trying so hard not to look at all. He could feel the stinging that started to gather at the corner of his eyes, and as much as Gwaine willed himself to keep the tears back, a single drop ran down his cheek.

That was it. It was over. Whatever it was that he had shared with Romily was gone, just like that. He should fight and win her back, he tried. But Romily that made it clear that he had betrayed her, and it was the last thing she wanted in her life. Gwaine realized what kind of a fool he’d been for playing that card, for keeping his true identity from her. Now, he was paying for it dearly. He was paying for a love lost. One he doubt he’d be able to find again.

He stayed there kneeling as he tried to settle all the emotions racing within him when he spied someone walking towards him. While he had hoped it was Romily, he doubted it. He didn’t need to look up to know who it was.

“Congratulations. This time you really excelled yourself!”

Yassia had to rub it in. If Gwaine had been considerably calm when he was begging with Romily, it all vanished the instant Yassia spat her words out at him. He stood up and faced her, meeting her equally icy glare with his confident one. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, my lady. Millie is not just any girl or any barmaid to me,” he told her as calmly and courteously as he could. Even though Yassia’s words pierced him hard, he had to keep his composure to let Yassia see his feelings for her friend.

“I may have made a mistake in keeping my true identity from her, but that doesn’t mean I feel for her less.” Gwaine wanted to tell Yassia everything, wanted to let her see his remorse so she could tell Romily and hope to change her mind. But Gwaine knew that Yassia knew who and what he was. Yassia had seen what he was before Romily. He doubted she would believe whatever he was going to say. But he was going to try.

“I don’t know what to say to you, you know me. But Millie has changed all that. She has made me a better man, and I want to be a better man for her. But now that I’ve lost her, I guess there’s no point in trying anymore.” A torrent of emotions was raging violently inside him at the realization that he had really lost Romily, and Gwaine could feel his hands shake, his legs tremble as he tried to keep everything in. No, he was not going to lose it in front of Yassia, in front of all these people.

[Romily de Braose]

Romily felt the tears come freely to her as she walked away. She felt as though she’d just been wounded. In many ways she had, mentally but not physically. How could he have just kept that from her? Mind you she was no better in her circumstances, but she had a very good reason. Suppose he’d been sent to hunt her down by her father and drag her back home? Suppose it was someone with close connections to her father who wanted her dead?
She was more distressed at the fact that Gwaine had completely led her to believe he was in love with her. All that seemed ludicrous now – the memories of the picnic hurt. His kisses (that she could still feel imprinted on her lips) burned away at her to the very core. Gwaine was poisoned, and now she felt even more like damaged goods.

Romily headed for The Rising Sun, and got herself a room. She’d seen it as she’d entered Camelot and kept it in mind to stay there, should there be any availability. There was no way she could face anyone right now and she could always collect her things from Yassia later on when no one could be there to witness a lowly barmaid walking through the town in tears.
It all hurt too much for her to even realise that the landlord was now asking if she were ok. She merely looked at him and nodded. “Im quite fine, ive just found out something quite unexpected”

“Have yourself a drink – you look like you need it,” the landlord offered, but she shook off the invitation.

“Thank you but no” she rejected it as a ladylike as she could, “I just need to have a good sit down” she chuckled and wiped her eyes some more. The landlord then left her to it. To sit alone in her room and just gaze over Camelot. It’s beauty suddenly being shadowed by dark clouds in her mind – even if it was the warmest and sunniest day she’d ever known.

“How can I hate a man so much when I truly love him?” she thought to herself, “but obviously that’s not the same in his case – he doesn’t love me. He’s just like every other knight out there.”
She knew this really didn’t justify the situation but didn’t care. At some point Gwaine could come looking for her. He’d try and reason with her. That was when she knew that she’d give in, despite this betrayal – she was a bit of a doormat at the worst of times and it seemed as though this was one.

That was when a thought came to her mind. One that she’d have to think very carefully about. It was a tough one, but Yassia and a couple of other people knew. Romily admitted that she was a bit of a hypocrite and wondered whether this was the time to come clean herself.
If Gwaine ever came looking for her – he may not find Millie the barmaid there anymore. He would most likely find Lady Romily de Braose of Carmelide.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia snorted in disbelief. Oh right, now he told her she didn’t know what she was talking about?! That was rich! She had seen the hurt in Romily’s eyes and she knew Gwaine – wasn’t that all there was to know? He might have feelings for her that were actually genuine, if he even knew the full or general meaning of this word and not only his own taking – but Romily’s reaction clearly showed she had not expected Gwaine to be here, in the position of a knight. He had told her he was a servant! So, feelings aside, he had lied to her and he didn’t have a single clue about the effect that would have on her. Or did he? Was there any possible way she could have told him about Frederick?
“Oh, she isn’t?” That still came very sarcastic, as a few desperate words would not change Yassia’s mind so easily, just like Romily. “Yeah, I remember a few comments on that department, something along the line of ‘every girl holds a special place in my heart’? I can’t remember the exact wording, but I think the gist is clear!”

That brought it down to the main question of it all: Why had he lied? What had driven him to keep his true identity from her? If he really had been serious in his intentions, he would have had to tell her the truth sooner or later anyway!
“Seriously, Gwaine… what have you been thinking?” Yassia now forwent all the rules of courtesy as she was wringing her hands in annoyance, moving from the respectful entitulation to one between the companions they once had been, sharing a journey and its troubles. She couldn’t care for formalities just right now. “If you really cared for her, you might have considered bringing her here sooner or later, as your.. wife or whatever. For that she needed the truth! So why didn’t you tell her? Was it you were afraid that then it would be… official? Irrevocable? After all, that’s something you’ve always shied away from: Commitment!”

And then it occurred to her. No… Gwaine couldn’t know anything about Frederic, else he would not refer to Romily as a barmaid! This was what made this whole charade all the more ridiculous! Gwaine wasn’t the only one hiding things… Romily was as well! So… was she really one to feel betrayed? And could Yassia take sides as simply as that? She was the one in the middle, knowing them both well, and yet she could not betray anyone’s trust in her. She could not solve this tricky misunderstanding by playing the fairy and telling things only she could know. They had to solve this on their own, however difficult and almost impossible it seemed now. But there was one role she COULD play: The mediator. Because somehow Yassia couldn’t doubt Gwaine’s feelings so much any longer. She saw it in his eyes: true hurt and desperation, mirroring Romily’s eyes.

“Alright… given I give you the benefit of doubt… and believe that Romily really has changed your ways…” she started hestitantly. Now that she thought about it, she really had hardly seen him flirting with ladies or servant girls lately… “then I would tell you one thing: don’t give up yet!” As she looked at him now, her eyes were bearing a milder expression, not so icy anymore. “Romily is hurt, and she is angry at you. But I know…” she hestitated again, unsure how far she could go, “I know for a fact that she cares for you a great deal, and that’s probably part of the hurt she’s suffering from right now. Give her some time, but don’t lose hope. You don’t know everything about Romily.” That was truly as far as she could go, and she hoped he would not pursue the thought further.

[shonz]

“Yeah, I remember a few comments on that department, something along the line of ‘every girl holds a special place in my heart’? I can’t remember the exact wording, but I think the gist is clear!”

Gwaine wished Yassia would just stop talking for once and step back to just look at him. He wished she could see how miserable he was, and stop blaming him. But of course, Gwaine let her talk. He deserve this lashing and whatever else that she could give her. She was after all mad for her friend. Yassia and Romily. Who would have thought? One knew almost all about him, about the kind of man he was and is. The other who barely knew anything about him at all, but dearly holds all of his heart in her hands. It is such a small world after all, and in this world, no secrets remain secrets forever. Just when Gwaine had already resolved to come out clean to Romily, this wrethed thing had to happen. How cruel the Fates are!

“So why didn’t you tell her? Was it you were afraid that then it would be… official? Irrevocable? After all, that’s something you’ve always shied away from: Commitment!”

He knew then he had to say something. Yassia would surely be returning to Romily, and Gwaine had to make the most out of this meeting, to let Yassia know how he was feeling, what this was doing to him, and hopefully, make her see his side of the story, too. With a sigh, he looked forlornly at Yassia as he tried to say his piece.

“Millie told me she hated knights after what…that oaf did to her. I knew I only had two choices then…to leave her alone or tell her the truth. Either one of those meant I could never be with her, and I can’t…I can’t…” his voice trailed as he felt his breath stuck in his throat. “I can’t imagine a life without her after that wonderful afternoon anymore, Yassia. Please understand. I had to lie…I had to lie to keep her.” Of course now he realized how wrong that decision was.

He didn’t know how it happened but suddenly Yassia was telling him not to give up on Romily. Does this mean she understood him? Does this mean she believed his feelings for her friend was real? And that she was giving him a chance to redeem himself?

“You don’t know everything about Romily.”

“I don’t care who or what she is, Yassia. As long as she wants me in her life, I will keep fighting. But you heard what she said, she made it clear today that she doesn’t need me anymore.” Gwaine heaved a defeated sigh, and felt that painful ache crush the inside of his chest once again.

“I don’t know how to convince you of my feelings for Millie. You know who or what I am.. Feel free to tell her everything that you know about me…about my shameless flirting, my drinking, about all the other barmaids, about us, about Linda…I guess I don’t care anymore. She already hates me, and I deserve every drop of that hatred."

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

None of this was acting, Yassia realized more and more. Gwaine really seemed shattered, and even though the princess was still all but a novice on that field, she recognized love when it stared her in the face. For that she didn’t need any stories or personal experience, a blind man would have seen the same! She just wished Gwaine wouldn’t be so overdramatic in everything he did. He acted like he was citing a bad juggler’s tale, and the worst thing of it all was he really felt and believed what he said. As surprised as she was that Romily apparently had told Gwaine about Frederick but seemingly not the whole story, that was slightly crowded out by her amusement despite the hopelessly muddled situation.

“She told you about him? And that she hates nobles? Oh…” Again Yassia was unsure how to venture on, but Gwaine’s dramatic explanation sent her laughing. Not to mock him, but to bring him back to reality.
“Now come on, tone it down Gwaine”, she chided him. “I always knew you were one for drama, but this is too much. Not that I don’t believe you, but it’s a bit hard to listen to after some time. Lying never solves anything. Don’t you think if she really wants you, she could finally learn to let the past be the past? How little you trust her!”
A slightly bold statement, as Romily just had ran away at this revelation, but Yassia was sure the main part had been shock and the awareness of having been lied to. “I thought you knew so much about women, but apparently I have to tell you one important thing: Above all, more than anything we hate to be lied to, regardless the motives.”

Gwaine still seemed caught up in his despair, still moaning about his lost love, instead of trying to do something about it. If Yassia had learned anything in her time travelling and that hard time before that, after her father’s death, then that if you really wanted something, you had to fight for it no matter what, instead of wallowing in self-pity. But would harsh words be the best approach? Maybe Romily was not the only one needing a friend right now.
So Yassia acted on the spur of the moment, taking Gwaine’s hand and tugging it softly.
“Stop! Not another word. I will not have you tear your own heart out in the most painful way possible. You made a mistake, but believe me Romily made a mistake as well. So what we need now is not self-pity, but action. Come, we’ll look for our Romily, she can’t have gotten far! Be the Gwaine I know, the man of action, the knight. Romily loves this man, even though she didn’t know his true background. But a background doesn’t make a man. Just what he wants.”