Tired of being a puppet-Arthur/Uther

[kinguthersqueen]

Uther had slowly grown stronger as the months had gone by. Camelot had rebuilt itself, as it always had after disaster, although things would never be the same with Morgana gone. Uther was perpetually torn-he wanted to leave open the possibility of reconciliation, but he also feared more torment from her if he'd allowed her back into the kingdom. Ultimately, as acting king, Arthur had made the decision on her, however.

Things didn't go smoothly all of the time. Arthur was doing well as interim king, but Uther's temper often prevented him from avoiding arguments with his son. He often had to give his own opinion, and sometimes it resulted in a fight. Uther knew what the real problem was, however. He was restless. He wanted to return to his full duties as king. He was unable to see some of his own problems at this point, though, and his mind was still not back to full health. He was in a sort of denial, certain that he was ready, even though the truth was far from clear.

He decided that he had to speak to Arthur about it. He really didn't like it, having to ask about things, given his being accustomed to his word being law in the kingdom. That, admittedly, was what frustrated him the most, even if he wouldn't admit it to anyone else. He knew he wasn't *really* a 'puppet leader' as the term was usually meant, but he felt like a puppet sometimes, with Arthur pulling the strings now.

"How long must the current situation remain?he asked."I am stronger now. My health is improved. I wish to begin resuming some of my duties as king, if not all."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Things had been extremely busy in the kingdom. Arthur knew that he would never fully understand what it took to be king until he was prominently in the role. That was precisely where he was now. King of Camelot. The decisions and judgments that he had to make were difficult; the amount of work involved was unimaginable. Yet, he had been coping. He felt in fact, that he had been even succeeding. For Camelot was recovering and rebuilding in all its strength to what it once was . . . before Morgana's tyranny. The people seemed content, but of course there was tension among them; tension that Arthur was not oblivious to. It mostly arose from the fact that he had knighted commoners, and the young king was not blind to the fact that many were uneasy with this decision that broke tradition. Never the less, he never once considered revoking the men's titles. Soon, people would accept it and tensions surrounding this topic would alleviate . . . hopefully.

And then there was the matter of Guinevère. With Arthur having the authority in the kingdom, ever since the two shared a kiss in the courtyard, they were not as concerned as keeping their relationship a secret. It was becoming more and more public. Of course, there was no formal announcement made or anything of the sort, but it was not as much of a concern to Arthur if someone found out about his love for her. No one could banish her; no one could sentence her to death. As king, he had the say on such matters and obviously, he was not going to inflict any sort of harm on her. With all these things going well, there was still that underlying devastation that Arthur never believed would fully diminish from his heart. Morgana's betrayal had indeed taken a toll on him, though not as greatly -- or evidently -- as it had on his father. He was still recovering from the turmoil and Arthur knew for certain, that neither of them would ever fully recover from her cruel and treacherous actions.

With thoughts focused on his father, that was where he was heading right now for he seemed to wish to speak to his son in private. Arthur knocked before entering and once he did, his father wasted no time. The question did not come as a surprise to Arthur. He knew his father was eager to get back on the throne as this was an unusually unique situation for any kingdom. Arthur remained formal with him. While he still loved him as a father, and would never cease in such affection, he had still not completely forgiven him for his lies. But of course, in order to ensure his health was progressing, Arthur tried to avoid arguments with his father. Unfortunately, with the topic that had arisen, an argument would be inevitable on this matter. "It must remain for as long as necessary," Arthur answered.

Just taking one look at his father, he knew he was not ready. He still looked disheveled, and a few months time of recovery was still not enough for him. "I fear that you are not yet ready father. That you should continue to take the time to recover." Arthur did not wish to stay in power as some act of selfishness or vindictiveness against his father; it pained him greatly to see the previous king, a man that Arthur knew was strong and powerful . . . in this state of weakness and vulnerability. It gave him no pleasure to see his father as such, but he would also not let the people be ruled by him when he did not yet trust that Uther was in stable mental health. It was far too dangerous. Who knew what irrational judgments he would make if he was not fully recovered by what he had undergone during Morgana's reign. This change of leadership was for the sake of the kingdom; not for the sake of either man's pride.

[kinguthersqueen]

Uther, too, was pained. He also felt quite often like he was struggling, like he was doing his best to seem strong and healthy, but Arthur could see more of the truth. The prince likely saw the way he still moved and the fatigue in his eyes. Uther went out to the training field some days, and every session was quite short and rather exhausting. He ws not up to even what he had been during the tournament...there was no way he was participating in anymore very soon.

But there was also the matter of his drinking. He still shut himself up many nights and let the wine and ale he drank numb his mind and senses. He still wanted to forget, even if only for a time. He still took pains not to appear drunk during the day, when he might embarras himself and the kingdom, but nights were a different story.

"You do speak the truth about what is best for the kingdom. It simply pains me that I can do little. I feel that as king, I must take whatever part I can in leading the kingdom. I cannot accept feeling useless."

[Arthur Pendragon]

While Arthur agreed with him, it was not only the kingdom he was worried about. "It is not only the kingdom I am thinking of," he told him, his voice softening a bit more out of concern rather than keeping a strong formality between them. Even though this time, he was not sitting by his father's bedside crying, he never stopped worrying about him. He was terrified of what direction his father was headed, emotionally which was in turn effecting his physical health. He hated seeing him in so much pain and wished there was a way to immediately remedy him. But the reality of the situation was that there wasn't, and that Arthur had to remain king for . . . however long an undefined period of time. "You are not useless father, you never have been." Arthur could only imagine what he must feel like, to not be able to do the things that he had once been able to.

When Arthur was injured, he hates sitting there, being tended to and just remaining out of harm's way. If he is injured and the kingdom is still under attack -- unless he's unconscious -- he will constantly fight to go back out there and continue to fulfill his purpose. He knew exactly where he got that stubbornness and determination from for it was not something he randomly had; it was something he had inherited from his father. "You said that you trust me, so trust me to lead the kingdom. You will not be any good to yourself nor anyone else if you try to handle more than you can right now in your condition, which has not yet fully recovered." He could see it in his face; his father had not fully healed. What plagued him was not something that would heal in a couple of months, for it was a deep emotional wound that directly effected the heart.

[kinguthersqueen]

Uther did know that Arthur could identify with him at least. He knew how much his son hated being injured and having to be treated if a battle was going on. He , just like Uther, would fight to get back on the battlefield as quickly as possible. He would insist on trying to get back in the fight even if he was hurt and barely able to walk. It was a mark of a good king in most cases, wanting to put the kingdom before one's own safety. However, a wise ruler did need to know when to back off as well. It tore him-he wanted the best for Camelot, but he also wanted to be able to return to his job.

"I do realize that you understand my feelings. I have seen you in the same mindset when you are injured."he replied."Naturally, I do not want to endanger the kingdom in any way. I simply grow impatient. I do not want to overtax and further afflict myself, but I often contemplate how we will know when the time is right, when it will be certain I am ready. I want what is best for Camelot, and want to be able to return to duties at the same time...which is likely not entirely possible."

[Arthur Pendragon]

That much was true. Arthur did indeed tend to be as stubborn as his father when it came to that feeling of being helpless; wanting to do more and not being able to. It created such an intense restlessness that Arthur could completely relate. After all, he was fairly certain he had inherited that trait from his father after all. "I understand," he said, the comprehension in his voice. But just because he knew how he felt, did not mean he was going to change his mind about agreeing that his father was now ready. The entire kingdom was at stake, and he was not going to risk it just because he felt bad. In actuality, Arthur did not feel guilty for the way his father felt. It was devastating, yes . . . but the anger had not fully subsided in him for him to feel guilty towards his father’s condition. He only wished that things had ended up differently.

"I am sure we will know when the time is right. The council will also agree when the time is right." While Arthur was currently the ultimate authority . . . the council’s opinion and advice were still strongly valued, even if they were not always followed. ”But for now, that time is not now.” Arthur did not want to call his father weak, for he knew he was a strong man. But Morgana had inevitably weakened him in the mind and the heart. He dropped a bit of the formality in his tone and took a step towards him. "I can see it in your eyes father. You are not recovered. I can still see your, devastation." That was the best way he could put it. It was after all, the truth.

[kinguthersqueen]

Uther shook his head, though he did not argue back so to speak. He was still tired but fighting it a lot now. He hated to show weakness and hid as much of it as he could, never willing to admit that Arthur was somewhat correct. It was simply his nature, his desire for victory or death rather than surrender. To him, there was little middle ground to speak of.

He was afraid much of the time of what he might eventually do. He was strong willed and stubborn, and his growing impatience probably made him more dangerous than either he or Arthur realized. He sensed a coming time when he would battle with Arthur, when his anger and pride would drive him to try and force his way back to the throne, ready or not. He would not raise a hand to harm Arthur willingly, but he envisioned things coming to a head with a duel or competition for the throne.

The only reason he held back now and did not make any unwise remark or challenge was because he could not make his play as yet. He was more than willing to pose a challenge, but he needed to be at a point where he stood a chance of winning, and that had not come yet. He just gave a nod, eager for the time to be right to make a move.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur took his father's silence as very telling. He was not arguing with him, not offering further words of justification, or understanding. Arthur couldn't help but wonder what had distracted his father's thoughts. What had he been thinking so pensively of that it distracted him from speaking? While Arthur was curious, he knew better than to ask. It was a similar trait between father and son, to suppress their thoughts at times. Few had the ability to be able to read their expressions . . . Morgana had been one of those few, which made it all the more devastating that she had used it against them in the past year. But that had been months ago, and now they were talking about the welfare of the kingdom. But it seemed that the subject of Morgana would always be able to be linked to any conversation Arthur had with his father . . . whether it was spoken of or not. The underlying tension that it had caused was always there and the young king feared it would never cease to exist.

"Was there anything else you wished to discuss with me?" Arthur asked, wondering if that would change the subject or bring it back to his father's health. Either way, he was prepared for it. This had not been their first conversation on the matter, nor would it be the last so long as his father remained in this position and Arthur in his. It was a constant question in Arthur's mind though . . . what would happen when his father was fit to rule? Would he ever be fit to rule again? Would the people support his return more than Arthur's current reign? He would not let it come to civil war . . . but it was just yet another tension that would be added on to their already delicate and fragile relationship.

[kinguthersqueen]

Of course, Uther still had his secrets, but mostly, he was being careful. He did not want to strain things further, not until it was unavoidable. It was a situation he could not win in,really. He was not about to tell the secret of Arthur's birth, but he suspected Arthur was going to find out one day. And then he might well begin again what he started a year ago-killing him. He hated knowing that Morgana and Morgause likely both knew now, and he couldn't keep them from speaking should one of them decide to turn Arthur against him again. The only positive part was that Arthur would likely never trust either one again.

As for other feelings, he knew that the best way to handle this was to bide his time, to recover his strength. If the people were to feel confident in him and remain loyal, he would need to be strong enough to defend his place.

"No, there is not."he replied.

[Arthur Pendragon]

When his father confirmed that there was nothing else he wished to discuss, Arthur gave a short nod. He knew they still had a great deal to talk about, especially since their conversation had resolved nothing. His father would still believe he was strong enough to sit on the throne, and Arthur's beliefs contradicted Uther's, for he was certain his father was still too weak. Not in terms of his will, but physically and . . . mentally. He did not like to think of his father having a deteriorating mind, but that was what it seemed to be coming to. Regardless of what happened, no son wanted to see their father ill . . . least of all Arthur. "I should get back then," he told him. Get back to council matters, to the affairs, business and politics of being king.

It was everything that his father could not do . . . but what needed to be done. "Father," he said, this time not as a greeting but in a tone of farewell. It would obviously not be long until he saw him again. Perhaps if he was even well enough he would dine with him tonight. But for now, this conversation was over. Though Arthur truly doubted it would be the last one they had on this very subject. So with those words, the young King of Camelot took his leave of absence.

The End