Once Upon a Delusion [ Sasha / Arthur ]

[Sasha]

Sasha felt herself in a blank area. Nothing was there except the colour white, no outline and no noise. Not even a floor, so it felt strange. It was a dream, so she wasn't as scared as she normally would have been. There was just some sort of creepiness here, as if whatever invisible thing that was there wanted her out. She didn't know how, but a familiar man ended standing right in front of her. She stood eye to eye with him, and without a mistake recognized the eyes. They were a dark grayish-green, nothing compared to her grass green eyes, but she knew who it was.

"Father!" She exclaimed with astonishment and overwhelming joy. He gave her a blank stare. "I've missed you!" Sasha went on joyfully. Everything faded then and a whole new picture came into view. She was beside a river, fear and emotional pain overtaking her completely. It was night time. Her father's lifeless body lay before her, and she fell to her hands and knees crying. She then looked at her hands, which was drenched in her father's blood.

Sasha then instantly shot up into a sitting position, her breathing quickening to a very fast rate. She put both her hands on her head and dug her nails into her hair. She knew she was awake and was perfectly fine with it. If she could stay awake forever, that would be very convenient... but she couldn't, and she had to face these disturbing images of her horrible crimes every now and then. Only this time it had been Hell to go through.

When she looked up, Sasha could not believe her eyes. She felt as if she could start subbing in fear, and blinked tightly... but no. What she saw was there. Her father standing at the foot of her bed with the most furious look on his face she had ever caught him with, and right beside him was her distraught mother. "Why did you have to do it?" Tears streamed down her mother's face. "You've killed your own father!"

"No... n-no," her voice started to raise from a whisper to normal. No! No! Her father looked away disgusted and took his wife's hand. Soon they both ended up looking away from her. "No!" She screamed. "Please! No!"


Setting: Sasha's Chamber

Time of Day: Morning

Timeline: Second morning after The Beginning of the End

Tag: Arthur Pendragon

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[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur was not sure of the time, but all he knew was that his princely duties had taken longer than he was used to. There had been so much to discuss with the others at court, until most of them retired to their chambers, leaving the prince swamped with his paper work that needed to be read and signed. And finally, he was finished! All he could think about was climbing into his warm, comfortable bed, and allowing the peace of sleep to consume him for the next few hours. Or however long it was until the sun rose and his responsibilities forced him awake. Oh well. He would enjoy what little rest he could get.

He walked down the halls, not really thinking about where he was walking, or who he was passing. That is . . . until he heard the cries of a familiar voice. The Prince's guard immediately went up and he raced towards the room he knew had been claimed by their most recent visitor: Sasha Tiberius. He knew -- whatever details she had provided him with -- of the dangers she had been faced with in the past, and so it worried him that somehow, someone had made it into the castle. That, or it could just be an intruder, with no personal reasons to attack her other than the fact that she was nobility. Either way, Arthur did not hesitate.

He swiftly pulled out his sword, preparing himself for whoever dared attack her. Not bothering to knock first, he raced a short distance to her room and barged inside, holding his sword up in a defensive position. His eyes frantically scanned the room, not seeing anyone upon first glance, but rather, noticing Sasha in her bed, crying out. His eyes followed her to see what she was looking so terrifyingly at, but there was nothing there. He was used to this kind of behavior -- to some extent -- for Morgana suffered from intense nightmares as well. He quickly put his sword back in its sheath and rushed towards her, putting his of his hands on her shoulders, a comforting gesture which he hoped would help calm her. "Sasha?" He asked in a soft, yet highly concerned voice. He could not help but turn his head again, making sure there was no one else present in the room, and then glanced back at the poor, shaken woman.

[Sasha]

Sasha hadn't even noticed the Prince had entered the room, for she was so terrified and shaken from what she was seeing. She closed her eyes tightly, trying the rid herself of the horrible visions, but all she saw were pictures of the past and violence. She felt a hand gently touch her shoulder, and Sasha opened her eyes quickly and turned her head to whatever was next to her. Her eyes blazed with intense fear until she realized who it was.

"Sasha?" He asked in a soft, yet highly concerned voice. She ignored him for a moment just to look back to the foot of her bed, where it looked as if nothing had happened. She shook her head back and forth slightly, beginning to literally shiver with fear. Her eyes were starting to water, and ever so slightly coming back to reality did not want Arthur to see her cry, so she put both of her hands on her eyes.

That did not work, she couldn't hold it in. Sasha had put her trust in the Prince, and she hoped he could stay true to that and never mention her crying to anyone. "Arthur...!" She whispered as she grabbed onto his shoulder, seeking comfort. Sasha felt tears begin to stream down her face before she properly reached him. Sasha laid her head on his shoulder, starting to shake from the fear she had undergone. Her heart was hurting from it, and the tears just spilled out with no control. "Arthur..." That seemed to be the only thing she could say.

[Arthur Pendragon]

The fact that she was coherent enough to recognize him, and acknowledge his presence was indeed a huge relief. But at the same time, he was still rather worried for her, especially when her emotions began to surface. As she rested against him, he could feel her body shake with what Arthur was assuming was a mixture of her fear from whatever happened, and the fact that she was sobbing. He paused for a moment, slightly caught of guard but in no way wished to reject the embrace.

At the very least she was a close friend and to see her this upset, was rather devastating. He wanted to do whatever he could to comfort her. Gently placing one hand on the back of her head, as if to keep it in place against him, he fidgeted for a moment to take his long tench coat off. He then draped it on her shoulders, hoping it would provide some warmth and help ease her shaking. He made sure it was in place; properly wrapped around her.

Once that was done, he proceeded to wrap both his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, though half of this was already achieved by the closeness she had initiated. "Its ok," he said in a soothing voice, wanting to comfort her completely before he asked what happened. "Every thing's ok," he continued in the same soft voice, hoping his words provided her with some reassurance, though he would of course understand if it would take more than just a few words to completely bring her mind to ease.

[Sasha]

Sasha started to cry very silently when he placed his hand gently on the back of her head, as if taking slight comfort. Arthur took of his coat and draped it over her shoulders. Feeling him wrap his arms fully around her, she embraced tighter, her shivering stopping only a little bit. She had never been more happy that he was there for her than right then. "It's ok," the Prince said soothingly. The Lady Sasha took in a deep breath to try and caalm herself, while his voice was soothing her greatly. "Everything's ok." If she were in her right mind she would believe this whole thing to be pathetic and undignified, but Sasha found herself careless about it. All she was that she was undergoing so much mentally right now, and that her closest friend -- perhaps more -- was trying his best to comfort her.

A memory then struck her like lightning and her eyes were widened. When Sasha was told she was a murderer as a child. "Sasha, why did you do this? Please!" Her mother had been on the floor, sobbing. "Your father is dead! Why? Why did you kill him?" It was exactly like she was there, and she had just come back to the present as she was being held tightly by Arthur. Trying to break free from the continuing emotional tear in her chest, she hid her eyes against the Prince's neck.

"Please... stop!" She growled, but directed it at what was taunting her. So she held onto Arthur even closer than before... she couldn't take this anymore. Sasha had gone through this many times before, but it had never been so severe!

[Arthur Pendragon]

"Please... stop!"

Arthur was not sure how to interpret this comment. Her actions contradicted her words. On the one hand, she was clutching in to him and did not seem to reject the closeness and comfort he was attempting to provide her. But on the other . . . she was telling him to stop? No. Arthur did not think she was talking to him, but who else? He had confirmed that there was no one else in this room. Unless . . . what if something more severe had happened prior to his entrance? Oh how he would never forgive himself if he failed in his promise to protect her. Judging from her state though, he was failing in doing something to help her.

He felt her warm tears against his neck, as they only increased rather than subside. He slightly pulled away from her, making eye contact, and looking at her very intently. He kept one arm wrapped around her but the other he brought forward and with his hand, brushed away a few of her tears from her cheek. At least this way, he would know for certain if she truly wanted him to stop, or if there was something more that he was missing. There was an unfamiliar tone in her voice though, that sounded more angry than anything else; distressed most of all. The Prince would not ignore such details, though he would ignore her protests. He would not leave until he was absolutely certain that she would be alright and judging from her current state, it did not seem like that was going to be happening any time soon.

"No one is going to hurt you." He assured in a very soft voice. Not him. Not anyone. He wanted . . . no, needed her to know this and take solace in the fact that she was well protected within the walls of the Camelot castle. Little did he know the true impact her mother had on her . . . but for now, he would deal with what he could see, and yet, what he seemed to have no control of.

[Sasha]

Thankfully now it was slowly wearing off, and her normal fury was setting in. She just wanted this to stop, and now! Not later, or even a minute from then. Gritting her teeth in anger, she tried to push away her fear and vulnerability. She made a slight whine doing so, but her tears started to subside.

Sasha felt the Prince slightly pull away from her and wipe her tears away. Making eye contact with him seemed to help very much, because she was able gain control of her emotions and become lost in his sympathetic glare. She took in another deep breath and then tried to bring her breathing down to a normal rate. She scanned quickly around the to make sure nothing was different, and then back to Arthur. Receiving one last shiver, she slowly and exhaustedly rested her head under Arthur's chin. She didn't dare close her eyes though, because she was afraid her visions of her father's death would start again... however, she closed one eye and kept the other open. She didn't feel ready to speak, she knew she could do that later. All she wanted now was a little comfort. She felt so safe now, as if the "darkness" had left the room and Arthur was here to help her recover from her experience.

She needed to get a few words out though, she needed to. "I-I... I'm sorry... Arthur. I'm... sorry." She could barely even say, for she was so shaken from what had just happened.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur was watching her very carefully, taking notice of every expression she made, every little action that could better help him understand what she was going through. He wanted to help her and in order to do this, he needed to comprehend what was going on. But of course, all in good time. He had to keep reminding himself of this; he would wait before pestering her with questions. After all, she was in no condition to be subject to such interrogation. He was still working on just calming her down.

When she adjusted her position, putting her head under his chin, he slowly titled his head downwards and kissed her lightly on the top of her head, raising his hand a bit so that it was placed on the back of her head while he lips rested on top of it. He did not know what would happen between them, as he kept things fairly casual. All he knew in this moment was that she needed a friend, and he would be here for however long she needed him to be. It was because he had promised her he would; and because he wanted to be. She deserved none of this suffering and torment and whatever she was going through, she would not endure alone.

After allowing his lips to gently rest on the top of her head for a few moments, he pulled himself a bit back yet again, but as before, keeping his arms around her. He wanted to look at her, to make full eye contact with her so that she would fully believe what he was about to say. "You have absolutely nothing to apologize for," he told her in a sincere voice. How could she even think that? No. There was no need to apologize for anything. He should be the one to apologize for her having to go through this, as he was not doing a good job of preventing it. But she should not be wasting her breath with apologies. After maintaining that eye contact for a few moments, he pulled her towards him again, allowing her to rest against him. "You never need to say sorry for anything," he added, wanting her to know that now and for the future.

[Sasha]

Lady Sasha smiled slightly when he gently kissed the top of her head, and strangely made her feel comfortable enough to close both of her eyes. A few moments later, Arthur pulled away slightly and as before left his arms around her.

"You have absolutely nothing to apologize for."

That relieved her. She had thought that the Prince would be angry at her for "making" him comfort her. It was just... a relief. Another thing she didn't have to think about. He gently pulled her against him so she could rest her head under his chin again, he added, "You never need to say sorry for anything."

She let out a long sigh, as if completely exhausted from her episode. "I... I miss him," she whispered in a tired and calm, yet emotional voice, she felt a last tear run down her face. "It's so hard to live every... day knowing... it."

She worded her speech slightly strangely, but it was the best she could do at the moment until later. Memories of her father flooded through her, and then broke out into tears again. She clutched Arthur tightly again, seeking more comfort.

[Arthur Pendragon]

She missed him? Missed who? The only person that came to mind that could perhaps fit this context was her father. She had explained how much the death of him had an impact on her, and her mother. So it seemed only fitting that that was the person who she was referring to in this particular instance. It only made Arthur more helpless in his ability to comfort her. There was no way to fully ease the pain of losing a loved one. He knew this; as he had lost his mother before he ever had the chance to get to know her. It must have been hard for Sasha; to have known him, to have grown up with him, and then to have lost him.

Of course, that was assuming that it was indeed her father that she was talking about. "I can imagine," he said in the same soothing voice, going along with his assumption, and hoping he would not look like a fool for being completely off. Her second comment however, he could not fully interpret. Knowing what? That he was dead? Somehow, there seemed to be more of an impact to what she was saying. "Know what?" He asked calmly. He did not ask in an interrogative way but more so, in a way that suggested maybe her talking about it would help. Only if she was ready. And if she was not, then Arthur would just stay here with her, and continue to comfort her . . . not pushing her to answer any questions when she was this upset; not when she was in this much of a fragile state.

[Sasha]

Oh, how she hated this. Sasha hated to cry, as it was the ultimate mark of weakness and now she was sure Arthur wouldn't think of her the brave and courageous type as he had just yesterday. What a shame, right? She had never seen her father cry, even though she knew from how he expressed his feelings often that he did it in private... but how could Sasha feel comfortable enough to cry in front of anyone, never mind the fact that it was in front of the Prince? And yet, she just couldn't control her emotions from spilling out. It was like stopping a severe bleeding wound, it would eventually stop. But meanwhile it was just spilling out constantly, and there was nothing she could do about it. And it even hurt like a bad wound, only emotionally. Which was worse in her opinion; much worse.

However, while she was loosing what was left of her pride and dignity, Sasha was thankful for the Prince's comfort and remarkably soothing words. He could imagine how she felt about her father's passing he said; she knew why he could. Sasha knew enough about the royal family to know that his mother had unfortunately and sadly died in childbirth, so she knew that they both shared the same horrible pain every day of their lives. She had always sympathized him for his early loss, even when she didn't quite fully understand how great a loss it was for everyone. And that led to the fact that she sympathized the King also; that was the only reason she understood his cruel actions... so really, the people who called him emotionless had never experienced that sort of loss. Sasha had, but the one who commited it was her. If it had been someone else who had killed her father, she would have hunted him or her down forever... and anyone like the traitor. She tried to stop thinking about it...

"Know what?" Arthur inquired in the same soothingly voice. She realized what she had said and had been referring to what she had done. Well, couldn't say what she had nearly said, but she would mean it all the same. "That he's just gone," she furrowed her eye brows and closed her eyes with deep grief. "I-I feel like it's my fault somehow! If I had been there... perhaps I could have prevented his death, at least..."

"...thank you... A-Arthur..." Sasha swallowed her grief, and focused on how very grateful she was that he was here to help and comfort her. Delilah would usually do no such thing. "You don't... have to do this for me, you know. But I am grateful for your comfort," she said, starting to smile toward the end. "Truly, I... am." She felt a few tears run down her face, because her thoughts flashed back to her father.

Curse myself! She thought furiously. Why?! Why?

[Arthur Pendragon]

"No," Arthur immediately said when she spoke of how she felt it was her fault. Guilt was a common feeling to experience during the grieving process, or even when someone was mourning over the loss of a loved one long after the time they deceased. Arthur knew that feeling as well. He often blamed himself for his mother's death -- though he knew that there was no way he could have prevented it. However, she was born giving birth to him. She had to die in order for him to live. That was a guilt he would forever carry with him. But he did not wish such an emotion on to anyone else . . . especially someone as innocent as Sasha.

While he wanted to keep holding her to make sure she was alright, he knew that this would not be a short conversation. Besides, he wanted to be looking at her so that he could speak to her with full conviction. He lowered his arms from around her and just held her hand in his while he sat next to her on the bed. He hoped it was no too intrusive of him. He just wanted her to know that he was not going to leave when she was in this state . . . that he was going to help her in whatever way he could, comfort her however he could. He was no longer holding her hand, but he had his placed on top of hers so that the contact was still there.

"You shouldn't blame yourself for such a thing. It is by no fault of your own." He knew full well that a statement such as that was easier said than done, but he wanted her to believe it. What could she have done to save him? It was not within her power, and that was the most terrifying thing about death; about losing a loved one. There were no guarantees in love, except death.

Seeing her begin to smile was a beautiful site indeed, but he knew that it was far from her emotions. She was upset and the fact that she felt the need to thank him for this . . . no. She should not have to feel that way. "You don't need to thank me for anything," he told her in a very sincere voice. "I am here for whenever you need me to be, and never think that I don't want to help you." Even if it was something as simple as this. He leaned forward a bit, only to wipe the continuing tears from her cheek, while he gave a faint smile.

[Sasha]

Sasha swallowed, trying again to calm her nerves. Every time she did this, her feelings seemed to disappear... which was a good thing, obviously. Arthur's presence next to her seemed to be causing that to happen so easily, most likely because he was truly the only person she could trust. Such a shame she couldn't trust her own mother... daughters always needed that comfort and unique friendship between a mother and daughter, but Sasha had never known what that had felt like.

Even though Arthur must never know of her crime, or anyone for that matter, she wished he fully understood what had happened. That could never happen. However, Arthur could not have been more right. "I know, but... If I had known... I... I could have warned someone. He was a Knight, after all. I expect he'd be able to defend himself, but..." Sasha said, half to herself and not making eye contact with Arthur. "Even if he had still died, I'd at least know I tried my best." She would give anything -- and truly anything -- to go back and change the past and try to save her father's life, but that was... impossible. If she had only not been where she had been that cold December night, her life would not be as it was today. Oh, fate. What a cruel part of life.

Sasha just gave a slow nod, but added a very faint smile to tell him she understood and was very much grateful for his presence. "I... really must ask you," she started slowly, and shivered very slightly as if she were cold. "My father was a skilled warrior... I... I could never imagine him losing against any opponent. It's so unexplainable how this happened! One ambush in the middle of the night and... you know..." As to be expected, she couldn't help but become emotional in tone when talking baout this. Her eyes watered again, but no tears came. "So... h-how do you think that could have happened? I know that there are limits to strengths, but..."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur truly wished Sasha did not blame herself, but he knew what it felt like to carry such guilt. Of being unable to accept that you were completely helpless in the situation that caused the death of someone you cared about. He also knew that sometimes, no amount of reassurance was ever enough to be convinced otherwise. Of course, that was not going to stop him from trying. He would try for as long as it took -- even if that was forever. She should not have to feel that sense blame and hold it on her conscience. "I'm sure that you did all that you could have." It was easier to say this, to hear this . . . than to accept this. Arthur knew that very well and did not wish this sort of guilt and grief upon anyone.

"You loved him. You would not have knowingly withheld information that could have cost him his life. And well, we all know how determined and strong you are," he said with a bit of a smile, trying to cheer her up as best he could. He was speaking in reference to what they had discussed in the woods; about how she had overcome so much, trying to prove her worth to her parents. She was not a weak woman. Weakness was not determined by physical strength. It was determined through actions. "I may not know you as well as others, but I know you well enough to say with confidence that if you had known something, if you had been able to do something, you would have. You would not have let it pass." She did not see like a passive woman at all, and Arthur was attempting to reassure her, based on his knowledge thus far of her . . . of what he knew about her from the time they had spent together.

Her next question caused him to pause, and he gently placed a hand on her shoulder, an act of comfort. "We are not invincible," Arthur began in a low, sympathetic voice. He could speak collectively, say we because he too was a knight. He understood the pressures of always succeeding. In many ways he, and even other knights, were placed on a pedestal and idealized in such a way that left no room for errors. Many appeared to bask in it, but inside, it was difficult. They may seem to enjoy it, to even encourage it. But it was a lot to live up to. The fact that Arthur was both knight, prince and future king . . . well, he knew a great deal about pressures and expectations from others.

"No man can conquer death. I wish your father did not have to discover that so soon in his life. But even knights, even the most skilled warrior in the world, can not escape death when his time is upon him." Even Arthur had been in a great deal of life and death situations. He would admit that, because . . . there was truly a way to defeat any man. Everyone had a weakness and not a single person in this entire world, was an exception to that.

[Sasha]

This conversation was a lie. What she said about not being able to save her father was a lie. That she hadn't known he had been in such danger was a deep lie. She had known, for she alone was responsible for his passing. That was also one of the reasons her mother hated her so much. She never knew why she had done it, and her mother wouldn't even speak to her for the longest time. She had never questioned it though, even in thought. It would be better to just change the subject around a bit. "Do you possibly remember what happened after my father died?" She asked, not exactly knowing how to word it correctly. "I mean, did Uthe--... the King... ever say anything about him?" She was so preoccupied with the "other" thoughts of her father that she couldn't explain this well. Hopefully, Arthur would understand where she was coming from. She was referring to his... funeral... though. The thought of the word sent a chill down her spine. The main thought that was in her was.... 'This is truly all my doing?'

"Did they ever find his murderer?" Sasha inquired, sounding hopeful. A question she needed to ask, even though she was afraid of the answer. If King Uther's knights had found the "murderer", then that man or woman had died unnecesarily. And then that would be her fault, also. But she needed to know.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur wished he had more answers to give her. There had been curious circumstances surrounding the death of her father and he knew nothing that he could offer her in terms of information. "I remember that many mourned for him." That much was true. The death of a knight was never a joyous thing. Each time a man sacrificed himself for his kingdom, he was honored . . . given a proper ceremony of remembrance. They were regarded as heroes, brothers who had died in the name of the kingdom they swore allegiance to. Arthur had lost many friends but to die with such honor was often the dream of any knight.

And once again, Arthur truly wished that he had more information to offer. She sounded so hopeful . . . as was in her right, for had he been in her position, he would most certainly want to reveal the identity of his father's murderer. But the Prince had no words of comfort that a simple name could bring. "We didn't," he admitted in a bit of a guilty, regretful voice. He wished they had. At least she would have gotten some sort of closure; at least justice would have been brought to her and her family. "I'm sorry," he added apologetically. "I wish I had more to tell you about it. It is never easy to lose a fellow knight. There was an investigation for some time, until our efforts produced empty results, and so it was called off." He paused for a moment, wondering if she knew anything of it. "Did you have any suspicions about anyone?" Even though it had been years ago, maybe there was still a chance they could catch the criminal.

[Sasha]

Sasha was extremely relieved that no one had been convicted of being her father's murderer, but she did not let it show in fear that he may become suspicious. Instead she just gave a blank reaction. "No, I. . . never had suspicions about anyone," she answered quietly. "No one really had a reason to want him dead. . ." She took a pause and then added, "Perhaps it was just an assassin?"

"I've been having these nightmares since my father passed, but they've never been so violent," Sasha explained to him carefully. While remembering the vision that she had seen in the waking world, a single shiver rushed throughout her body even when she was warm enough. Arthur would probably be able to feel it. "I swear to you, Arthur! Call me peculiar, but I saw him. . ." she went on, looking directly at him with her bright green eyes widened. "I saw my father! And it was not a dream!"

[Arthur Pendragon]

An assassin. That was entirely possible. It could have been a murder. It could have been a very bizarre accident. They had known nothing about his death, and the fact that they were unable to find out the cause was rather unsettling. A man who served as a knight of Camelot, certainly deserved better. Arthur knew it was a long shot to try to find anything new now, after it had happened so long ago. Still, he felt disappointed, in himself more so than her answer. He so desperately wished he had something more to tell her. "We considered every possibility, yet could find no evidence to support any of them." Yet, having her back in his life, he felt determined to get to the bottom of his death. He could not focus at much time and energy on it as he could, but he had to at least try and discover something. Perhaps it would grant her mind with some peace; prevent her from having any more horrible nightmares.

For hearing the severity and frequency of them, made him feel extremely sympathetic. As he recognized before, Morgana shared the same curse of horrible, sleepless nights. Two women that he cared about were suffering, and he wanted to do everything within his power to put an end to it. "What do you think caused them to intensify?" He asked curiously, wondering if something had recently happened to her to have caused them to be increasingly violent. Arthur returned her gaze when she looked at him so intensely. He did not lack faith in her, but he could not say he believed her. He did believe that her father's death had severely traumatized her, causing her to hallucinate. But he could not believe that he had actually been in the room . . . it was not possibly . . . it was not rational.

He placed his hand on her cheek, gently wiping away a few of the spare tears, with the thumb of his hand. "We should see if Gaius can give you something to sleep, to ease the nightmares." Arthur did not want to say flat out that it could not be true. He wanted to comfort her; not call her a liar, even though he would not use that word to describe her. But in this state, she was emotionally delicate and he did not wish to do anything to upset her.