Guilty Pleasures

[Guinevère]

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[Arthur Pendragon]

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[Guinevère]

POST REMOVED FOR MATURE CONTENT! SEE WRITER FOR ORIGINAL!




"Arthur!" She gasped, reaching for his hands and pulling them toward her belly. Apparently their child was awake now, for he or she was moving around and rather actively!! "Feel!" She whispered, wanting him to fill his son or daughter for the first time. "He's kicking and moving so much!" Laughing she watched Artur's face, waiting to see the joy she knew wound be there.

[Arthur Pendragon]

When he heard Guinevère gasp he quickly tried to refocus his vision. She was taking his hand and putting it to his belly. Confusion rose in his mind for only a few moments . . . until he felt something moving underneath his hand. Their baby! Their child! While he knew it was alive, knowing and feeling were so very different. He sat up a bit so that he could remain in this position with less discomfort. The last time he had felt a child move was when Elena was expecting . . . and the baby had died in her womb. Later, he would feel that fear of something happening to the child or Guinevère. For now, he would celebrate in the joy of feeling their child move. And so strong too! Arthur wasn't sure how to express his show and the sentiment of this moment. This very powerful moment. Of being able to feel the life within her. As a father, this was the closest he would be able to touch their child until it was brought into this world.

He just remained silent, his eyes fixated on her stomach as his hand remained in place, feeling more and more of the baby's activity. He was so overcome with emotion, that he didn't even realize how his eyes had slightly moistened with tears, though not enough to fall. Just enough to let the sentiment he felt, shine through. Finally, a soft smile formed on his lips. Had he not been so overcome with so many different emotions, it would have been stronger. He could have offered more words, more teasing . . . something, anything. But right now, he was just feeling their baby move. Praying, that it would be a safe delivery for both the baby and Guinevère. And that he would be there to witness the first moments of the child's entry to this world. "Our baby," he whispered, his voice only audible for she was close enough to hear. For right now, he could hardly speak.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère could feel the baby moving and kicking and seeming to be rather awakened thanks to her recent heart beat going faster. They were kicking as it would be when things were fully along, but she could feel the movement in one place more then others. Taking Arthur's hand she moved it there and pressed in there so he could feel better. "Our baby," yes! "Our baby!" She said softly, enjoying this moment more so because he was here!

The churning movements of the baby made her feel slightly ill, but she moved her head back to rest on the bed, and took slower breaths to help ease the feeling. She was not going to let herself be ill while Arthur meet his child. As the baby seemed to move to another place, Guinevère would move his hand to feel. "If you make it back in another few months--" When she was closer to delivery, "--Then you will really be able to feel him kick. Sometimes so hard that you can put your hand there and they seem to kick it away." She told him, hoping he found a reason to make another trip. Any reason. Though she would be at the country house then, and disappearing for a few days would raise alarm.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur's hand was guided by her own to get the maximum feeling of all the baby's movements. Feeling him or her so alive . . . well, it was an indescribable feeling. A wonderful one! He did notice her lay back against the bed, and her breathing become slower, knowing her well enough to be able to tell the slight and subtle change. He turned a bit to the side, looking intently at her as his hand remained on her stomach. "Are you alright?" He asked with concern. He knew, especially from his experience with Elena, that it was not uncommon for women to fall ill frequently during their pregnancy. However, seeing her like this for the first time -- knowing it was the pregnancy causing it -- made Arthur wish he could do something to help. As well as feel guilty that he could not be here to check on her more frequently. She was carrying their child, and he wanted to be a part of this process of growth and development. But he could not be. Not with his duties tearing him away; pulling him in the other direction.

All he could do was be here with her as much as he could for the next couple of days. And her following words brought forth another strong concern of Arthur's . . . what if he missed the birth. He had not been there for Amaren's. He'd only been present for one, and even then, it was a still born. He didn't want to miss the moment their child was brought into this world . . . but nor could he give his promise and vow to be here. As much as it killed him not to do so. He gave a small smile, not wanting to darken the moment by expressing such doubt and worries. "You're still so very convinced its a boy?" He softly teased. "Perhaps it is a girl, incredibly eager to meet her mother?" He suggested, continuing with the lighter talk, than one about having to eventually leave, unsure of ever meeting her, wondering how they can share such a beautiful moment as the birth . . . and so on. Tonight, he just wanted to be with her and enjoy the time they could have together, rather than lament in what time they may miss.

[Guinevère]

"Are you alright?" He asked, seeming to notice that she was trying to keep from feeling sick from the babe's movements. "Yes," She whispered softly, not wishing to make too much sound in this moment. "Sometimes, when your child too awake and moves so much, I feel a conflict of pure joy and queezyness." Though that was true with every pregnancy and every mother. "I would not give it up for anything!"

"You're still so very convinced its a boy?" He helped her think of something else, in order to not become ill in their bed! This was only another reason why she really did love this man so very much. He knew her, and knew how to help her and keep her up. She had felt so sad with out him in the years before they'd begun this, and now she was feeling joy--guilt for how she'd earned it--but joy. "Perhaps it is a girl, incredibly eager to meet her mother?"

"I have given this world two son's so far. I would love a daughter, and my heart begs for one . . . but I seem to fated to give you sons." She knew that her next words would be either something that would give him some knowledge to her time like this with Amaren, or add unease to their current good moods. She hoped the former and not the later. "I had wished Amaren would be a girl." She reviled, knowing that a son would be a heir, and a daughter would not. "But the moment I saw him I was grateful he was son instead"

[Arthur Pendragon]

He wished he could take any illness she was feeling away, yet at the same time . . . it must be such a wonderful thing to feel a life growing inside of you. A privilege that only mother's had. Though he did not focus on the subject, for he wished to distract her from it. And luckily, the following question he had just asked helped in doing so. Fated to give him sons. While he liked the sound of that, he certainly wouldn't mind having a little princess. Princess Anna Pendragon. "Well if it is not a girl this time, then we will just have to keep trying until I can give you one," he teased, trying to keep the mood light with playfulness and vague planning of the future. Without an unfortold future event hindering it.

"I had wished Amaren would be a girl. But the moment I saw him I was grateful he was son instead." He smiled, wishing he could have shared those first moments with her, but it was no longer a subject that caused anger or bitterness. Especially not now. He shifted closer to her, lightly kissing her cheek before casually resting his cheek against the top of her head. "I hope you are given what your heart begs for then. Since there are not many you can help put flowers in their hair, or make dresses for." Another tease, but it did hold truth. It wasn't as if she could put flowers in Thomas or Amaren's hair. She needed an Anna to do that for.

[Guinevère]

"Well if it is not a girl this time, then we will just have to keep trying until I can give you one," Guinevère laughed but her laughed faded under a small wave of the churning that his son was bringing up in her. "I will hold you too you promise, Arthur, even if it takes a few more." She wanted a large family, and did not mind the morning illnesses to get them. When she was a handmaiden she had thought large meant two! Yet then she knew that she would still be working, and money would be tight. Now she was no worried for the quality of life she could give her children.

She had worried for the lack of a father in Thomas' life, but with her marriage to Arthur one day, she knew he would have a strong example to see. "I hope you are given what your heart begs for then. Since there are not many you can help put flowers in their hair, or make dresses for." "Anna," She whispered, wishing it was a girl but not knowing for sure. "I cannot wait for a daughter one day." A a daughter of their own!

Feeling another turn from their current child she reached her hand up to cover her lips. "In the main room there is a bit of ginger root, that Gaius boils in something and it tastes horrid but it helps clam things. Would please see if you can find it?" She asked, not wanting to be ill this night.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Good. He hoped he did hold her to that promise . . . should things work in their favor. As most other things seemed to be against them. As she spoke of a daughter one day, Arthur's mind drifted to imagining a little girl, the image of beauty like her mother. Though his thoughts were ceased when he noticed her move a bit and then shortly after asked him to get some medicine from the main room. "Of course," he said quickly, as he moved a bit to look at her to see if she was alright. He should have been more considerate, not allowing his selfish desire to feel the baby kick control him . . . for it came at the expense of her sickness.

When she should be resting, as he was sure she had a busy day. "I'll be right back," he whispered, kissing her forehead as he went to the edge of the bed to pull up his pants and tie them. Not bothering with the rest of his clothing, he quietly made his way into the main area, glancing as Thomas' door and then Amaren's. He first poured some water from a pitcher in a cup, to help wash down the horrid taste of Gaius' medicine. Once that was done, he then began looking for what she spoke of, trying to be as quiet as possible so that he did not wake the children.

[Guinevère]

"Of course," Arthur got up and pulled on his trousers before walking out. Guinevère watched him for a moment with a smile thinking how glad she was that he was SAFE and ALIVE and HOME!! Arthur was home!! For the night at least! Guinevère looked at the stones over her head for a moment thinking of him holding her in his arms before they could get up and--oh!

Sitting up she had forgotten that the ginger root was in her chambers. Bending to lift his shirt she pulled it on and walked toward the door, lifting a bit of the root so she could eat it while she walked. When she got to the door she paused at the sight greeting her. Arthur's back was toward her, and he could not see the small silent feet that had come out to greet him.

Watching him she whispered, "Papa," So he would turn around and see that his son had apparently awakened and had come out to greet him. Amaren looked at him, seeming to not know who he was, but at the same time, Guinevère noticed he was not afraid of Arthur the way children were of strangers.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur could have sworn he heard something -- and unless his mind was playing tricks on him, he believed it was something he had always longed to hear. Turning around, he saw Amaren, standing and staring at him. His son! How much he had grown and . . . he was walking! No longer in that tipsy, unbalanced way but . . . with greater strength and stability. It was not hard to notice the unfamiliarity in Amaren's eyes, and while it broke Arthur's heart that his own son hardly recognized him . . . he also knew that it was for the best. He crouched down so that he was on the same eye level. And couldn't help but wonder . . . if it would be better this way. With him not being here long, what if it was best to not work on strengthening his bond with him . . . especially if something should happen to him. And if it didn't, and he came back, then he could focus on building a relationship with his son.

One where he did not have to keep leaving him, and did not have to keep sneaking around. And at the same time, it was that strong paternal instinct in him that made it impossible to ignore Amaren's presence.He wanted to hear Amaren say 'papa', and yet knew how dangerous it was. He wanted to hold him in his arms, yet feared the moment he would have to let go. There was so much he wanted to do as a father . . . but knew it was not the right time. Not when there was a war. "Come," he said in a soft voice, holding out his hand so that he would not scare the young child. So that Amaren would come to him if comfortable rather than he intimidate Amaren by advancing toward him. "Lets find your mama." Because that was a word he most likely recognized, and was so grateful for it. That at least one of them was being a decent parent; a good parent; a parent that Amaren deserved.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère held her breath, watching as father and son looked at each other, and she waited for a reaction from either. This was the moment she valued more then waking up next to Arthur int heir bed! Arthur had his son! Watching them see each other--really see each other--for the first time. "Come," Arthur told him, holding out his hand, and she wondered why he did not scoop his son into his arms? Why would he hold back from Amaren?

"Lets find your mama." That was when she knew. Arthur was holding who he was back from Amaren. He had spoken of it before, but Guinevère had thought they moved past this! She would not let him hide from his son! They could easily just not let Amaren and Arthur cross paths until they were public but she wanted Arthur to have these moments! Something to remember while he was fighting in a war.

'Mama?' Amaren repeated in his small slightly high pitched voice. He reached for Arthur's one hand with his two, only holding onto his fingers rather then his palm. "Amaren," Guinevère called softly toward him and she smiled as he saw her. "Do you have Papa's hand?" She asked, knowing he would not understand but also knowing that she wanted him to know who Arthur was. "Can you say hullo to Papa?" Amaren looked up at Arthur, before looking back, taking in the name.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur paused when he heard Amaren say 'Mama', and felt his heart swell with pride. To hear his son say the title so fluently . . . he could not be happier. He looked down at the boy, as his gaze went to his tiny hands over his fingers. He was walking so well, and speaking and . . . it was clear that Arthur had missed so much. Yet was glad that he could see all he was able to in this moments. That was when Guinevère stepped out from behind the door, clad in his shirt. Something else that caused him to smile, though his expression faltered a bit when she said the word he had been trying to avoid using: Papa. It was one thing for Amaren to call Guinevère Mama, and be able to get away with it without exposure. But Arthur had not been lying when he said he wanted to keep them safe . . . until this war was over and he could offer them better protection.

He would not risk their safety until then, nor would he cause his son to grow attached to him, and then potentially lose him. "Guinevère," he said in a low and soft voice, shaking his head a bit, his eyes pleading for her not to do this. He would work on creating a stable and strong strong relationship with him when -- if -- he returned. Just . . . not now. When they were in front of Guinevère, Arthur let go of his son's hand, and took a step away from him, closer to her for a moment. "Does he need to be fed, or put back to bed?" He asked, wondering if it was normal for him to up at this hour.

[Guinevère]

"Guinevère," No! She would not! This was his SON! He could pretend and hide them out in the castle but in this chamber, this was his family! "Does he need to be fed, or put back to bed?" "He does not not how to hold his water all night. He is still learning. On nights when he awakens he often comes to find me and then spends the rest of the night in my bed." She explained. Wanting Arthur to know he was not going to be able to just tuck him to bed and hope he did not learn of who he was.

"I will make sure he does not see you out of these chambers, I will make this alright, Arthur. Please. I want these moments. For you! For when you leave us again, I want you to have these memories close to your heart." She felt Amaren hold his arms up to be lifted, and while she often would lift him anyway this time she would hope Arthur would. "I cannot lift him, will carry him to bed?" She asked him, begging him with her eyes, "I will make this alright, Arthur but for tonight, please." Let them be a family!

[Arthur Pendragon]

She spoke of taking precautions to not risk exposure . . . but he was far too worried. Odin had managed to twice slip in assassins to the city, to the very castle even. And then a third time, claiming the life of Elena. He didn't doubt he had spies, and in the midst of a war, Arthur could not take the risk. This was clearly something they would need to talk more about, as he was here for a few days and he didn't want her to think that he was neglecting his family. But he had told her before that he would only claim his son, and call her his wife when things were safe. When war no longer threatened the kingdom . . . when he could better protect them. Even though he had failed countless times doing such. It would just be easier if he was here, rather than constantly leave. And he didn't know the length of this war, so therefore, could set no time. She asked if he would lift Amaren, saying that she couldn't. And while Arthur knew she was quite capable of doing so, he didn't want to argue with her in these moments. Nor did it mean he changed his mind from a conversation they had months ago.

Arthur bent down to pick up the small boy and as he did so, Amaren began whimpering, his eyes filling with tears. Arthur recognized that look . . . the expression showing that he was about to cry. Not wanting to wake Thomas, he quickly passed him to Guinevère. "He wants his mother," he said with a soft smile. His words held no sadness, nor regret, despite his feeling them. He was glad, that at least one of them was able to be a proper parent. That one of them was able to constantly give their son love and affection, and raise him decently. That one of them wasn't so elusive and sneaky . . . for no child should be treated the way Arthur had Amaren. All the more reason he feared he would resent him when older. Once Amaren was in his mother's arms, Arthur looked at Guinevère and his son. "How long does he usually stay up for?" Arthur asked, just out of genuine curiosity to want to get to know his son's habits as much as he could. Just because he could not call himself father . . . didn't mean that he wanted to be totally oblivious to how his son was and how he acted.

[Guinevère]

"He wants his mother," Arthur handed their son to her, and Guinevère wrapped her arms around him. She had hoped him lifting his son unto his arms would be a good thing for him. That it meant he agreed with her and he would play with his son like he used too. Holding Amaren close, he put his head on her shoulder and Guinevère rocked slightly. The churning from her belly had yet to go away and it caused her to pause her actions and place her hand over her belly.

Breathing slowly she used Arthur's words to distract her. "How long does he usually stay up for?" "Depends on what woke him. Moments most nights but other nights he could wake and be up for hours. Children this young are hard to guess until you see their moods." They could simply have opened their eyes and wanted their mother or father and sought them out--or be awakened fully and want to play. "Will you stay either way?" She asked with hope, praying he did. Amaren seemed only up for the moment, and she hoped that meant he would feel better about staying.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur noticed her hand move to her stomach, and that was when he realized he had momentarily forgotten about her illness. Is this how it was most nights for her? Having to take care of two children, while the one inside of her caused her to feel sick? It made him feel all the more guilty for leaving her by herself, to take care of children that he should be sharing the responsibility of. He looked at his son who seemed to have quickly been calming down with the way his mother rocked him in her arms. "Seems that he was just in a mood to see his mother," Arthur said smiling, watching Amaren be so peaceful in his mother's embrace.

"Will you stay either way?" He wanted to. He wanted to so badly. His time here was very limited and if Amaren was asleep, then what harm could it cause?"You should lie down as well," he said, taking a small step to the side so that he could push open the door to her room a bit. He could not regret waking her up in the middle of the night, but he did feel bad that she was feeling so unwell. At the same time, if these were the last nights they had together, he wanted to spend them with her. Even if it was just lying next to her as she slept.

[Guinevère]

"Seems that he was just in a mood to see his mother," There was a time when Amaren would beg to see his father, and Guinevère longed to see these days again. She prayed very night that soon this war would end and everything would be whole again. That Arthur would be able to know his children--for she was coming to fear the day when she became the single mother of three. "You should lie down as well," Arthur told her, not answering her question and she wondered if that meant he was staying or going.

Carrying Amaren toward the bed she set him there gently there. Arthur's shirts came down to her knees so she was covered by it, and it served as a night gown. Then Guinevère looked back at the man she loved and waited for him to hopefully join her. "He is asleep." She told him, "Can you join here?" can he stay and just watch his son, for she wanted him to have some memories of this time.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur left the door open a crack as they returned to her room, so that any sound of talking wouldn't travel to disturb Thomas' sleep. He watched her as she set Amaren down, unable to stop thinking of what that nagging question of what if something happened to them. Everything seemed so peaceful and at ease here . . . and he knew that the moment he stepped outside her quarters, he would be greeted by the darker reality that awaited him. Her question pulled him out of his thoughts, as she asked if he could join them. He softly smiled, and without an ounce of hesitation, walked up to her and wrapped her arms around her. He leaned forward to lightly kiss her lips -- not having forgotten a second time of how she was unwell, and didn't wish to do anything to trigger it.

"I don't wish to be anywhere else." Because despite his decision to protect his family, he would rather be here above all other places. He kissed her forehead, holding in his arms once more before he lowered them and proceeded to pull back the blanket on the bed so that she could get inside. He wanted her to rest as much as she could tonight . . . since he had woken up and demanded much of her energy.