Whats Love Got To Do With It

[Arthur Pendragon]

It felt like a dream. And yet real at the same time. Every time he was with Guinevère, he felt that she was the center of everything. That there didn't have to be a kingdom that needed a king, that his father wouldn't object to such a union, that tradition didn't dictate he find a wife of noble blood. And then, when their companies parted ways, everything came back to him. The realization that reality was not the way he wanted it to be . . . that everything he wished did not exist, did. This, proposed marriage with Elena was perhaps the biggest awakening from this dream of his . . . the first time he had to actually consider the possibility of a future with someone else. And yet, it was impossible to do so. When Merlin went on to say that she could not do better, he knew what he meant. And he appreciated the meaning behind the words. While Arthur could provide for her, and promise her that no man could love her as much as he did . . . he knew there were many other things that he could not give her. Not right now anyway; other than heartache.

"You don’t have to ask her – let her decide!" That was what Arthur was afraid of. "Do you really think she is going to tell me not to marry Elena?" Arthur asked a bit rhetorically, as he already knew the answer to this question. He asked because Merlin knew Guinevère extremely well. Arthur could not picture her asking him to do such a thing, even though in a way he wished she would. For if she just said the word, he would instantly promise not to marry Elena; he would swear never to consider such a proposal again. He could make all the promises in the world to her. But he knew, that Guinevère was far too selfless. She would not ask him not to marry Elena. She may say nothing about it, or perhaps she would . . . but it would not be the words he longed to hear. He had already told her that his father wanted him to marry her . . . but he did not know what she truly thought about it. He was well aware that at some point, they would have a conversation regarding the subject, but he feared it was not one that would have a positive outcome . . . not unless he decided well before that he was most definitely not going to marry Elena. "She would not ask such a thing," he said, speaking aloud his thoughts. "No matter how much I wish she would," he added in a lower voice, more to himself.

He knew that Merlin was just joking around -- or so he hoped -- when it came to the subject of knocking the king of Camelot out. A suggestion that Arthur was not even considering for a moment. "Brilliant suggestions?" He repeated slowly, with a skeptical expression. "I think your idea of brilliance falls far away from the meaning of the term." The running away part . . . was something that he wished was so easy to do. He wanted nothing more than a life with Guinevère, but had he been able to do such a thing, he would have done it the second he realized that he loved her. Instead of just letting this all build up: to this predicament now. "But of course now I’ll have to go and ask Gwen to make some table decorations . . . red or white roses?" Arthur's gaze averted to the ground, finding no humor in these words despite the light hearted tone Merlin used when speaking them. In fact the words caused Arthur pain, for he knew . . . that it was possible. And that it would be far from an exciting occasion for Guinevère. And that . . . he did not want to joke about her involvement in what could be, his wedding to another woman. "Do not joke about such things," Arthur said in a quiet voice. It was more of a plea derived from pain over the thought, than an authoritative command as a prince.

Merlin's knowledge and advice on the subject of destiny continued to surprise Arthur. How the hell did he know so much about it? How could he say such words that flickered beams of hope in the prince that perhaps . . . no. It sounded all too simple. Arthur did not have the freedom to choose his path, for it was laid out before him. As Uther's son, as prince of Camelot, and as a future king. There were pressures, expectations from others, standards to fill . . . too many things that deprived him of his own selfish pleasures. He stayed in a pensive silence, listening to all Merlin had to say, wishing so desperately that he could accept his words with ease, and just move on from this ordeal. But when had life ever been so simple? "You make it sound so simple Merlin," Arthur began. "But it is not so. What is best for me, may not be best for everyone else. My actions are not without repercussions and severe consequences."

He had to think everything through . . . something he had been learning more about in recent years. But he knew that Merlin was right; how could he enter a new life with a woman that he did not love? Seeing her face every day would indeed be a constant reminder to him that he had made a grand mistake, and lost the one thing that made him feel complete. "And what will I tell my father? What will I tell Lord Godwyn, or Camelot, or Gawant?" Oddly enough, it seemed almost easier to tell Elena rather than anyone else . . . for surely, she did not want this either. "A great deal is riding on this union." The stability of two kingdoms and all its citizens. "If -- " -- And this was a BIG if -- "I were to even mention to my father that I have no feelings for Elena, that I can not accept this marriage . . . I doubt he will understand." And he knew that if his father did not understand something, then he would never accept it. The king did not even ask Arthur for his opinion on the subject. He had just spoken of how he and Godwyn hoped for this to be a union of marriage . . . and then left it at that. "There is more than personal happiness at stake." And yet . . . how successful was a marriage if there was no happiness in it?

"Sometimes the decisions we make may seem wrong in the eyes of others – but in our own? We know what is right for us, who is right for us – and that is what makes our destiny. It's who you become." Again, shockingly wise words from Merlin . . . ones that left Arthur in a contemplative silence. "For a man who has little pressure in life, you certainly know a great deal about destiny," Arthur said a bit teasingly, trying to distract his thoughts with mocking words . . . though it wasn't entirely successful. "What is right for me, may not be right for everyone else." Yet, choosing Guinevère as his wife . . . making her the queen of Camelot, seemed like one of the greatest decisions he would ever make, for he knew she would be a wonderful queen. "I am to spend the day with Elena tomorrow," he began to explain to Merlin. "I already know that I can not develop any feelings for her." That she was not right for him. "But my father is expecting differently," Arthur added, unsure as to how his father could ever expect him to . . . force out feelings for someone, when it was impossible for them to be genuine. "By the way, don't you dare leave my side once tomorrow," Arthur added, deciding to just throw that in there.

[em]

Merlin couldn’t be sure of what Gwen thought of the whole situation. In his opinion his friend would most likely tell Arthur to go through with it. Merlin however was the exact opposite. He would even stop this wedding himself if it meant saving Arthur from a messed up fate and an unhappy life. There was also the fact that he would never hear the end of it everyday should Arthur marry Elena. His destiny would be screwed and so would Arthur’s. It was as though Guinevère was meant to be part of it all. Merlin couldn’t see Elena there at all, but Gwen was there – the image as clear as her physical presence. If Arthur was Merlin’s destiny then surely Guinevère was Arthur’s?
As sad as it was, Merlin had to agree with Arthur that Gwen would never ask that of him. He nodded sadly to himself.

“I think your idea of brilliance falls far away from the meaning of the term."

“And what would you suggest then?” Merlin retorted, “because quite frankly by the way that this is all going, you’re going to be marrying a princess who will most likely trip over her own wedding dress”. It was getting just as frustrating for him than it was for Arthur now. “Look, bottom line is that we have to stop this wedding from going ahead, and if it means me setting fire to the castle then I would do that…although your father wouldn’t be pleased with me, but on the bright side it gets you out of it”. He looked to Arthur happily. Oh he was just on fire himself with all these ideas today!
Merlin knew it was harsh of him to joke about a thing like that and when he heard Arthur practically pleading for him not to do so he walked back over and sat down again.

“Im sorry” he looked to the floor, “I forgot about how much she means to you” he gave Arthur a look and fiddled with the sleeves of his jacket.

"You make it sound so simple Merlin, But it is not so. What is best for me, may not be best for everyone else. My actions are not without repercussions and severe consequences."

Merlin snorted, “What! That’s ridiculous” he smiled and shook his head, “what is best for you IS best for everyone else – you are going to be a king and it is the decisions of one that make or break a kingdom. This marriage, this…mess! It’s going to tear Camelot apart and you know it! You wont be happy and will be filled with regrets everyday about marrying Elena, and that will lead you to not thinking straight, which will cause you to make the wrong choices and whatnot – thus sending you spiralling down into depression and vulnerability that your enemies will use against you – which could possibly result in a war that’s uncalled for and perhaps even death.”
Well…that was cheerful, but it was true. He’d given it some careful thought. “With Gwen, she can advise you just as I know she does now, and I know you listen to her so your decisions will be mutual ones. With her you’ll be happy resulting in a strong king who treats everyone equally and holds even more respect from his people than he already does now…as a Prince.”

“And what will I tell my father? What will I tell Lord Godwyn, or Camelot, or Gawant?"
Merlin thought for a moment. “Tell them that you like to dress as a woman? At least then that will break a few ties” he smirked and then saw Arthur’s face, “or you could always tell them the truth? That you don’t love Elena”.

“If -- I were to even mention to my father that I have no feelings for Elena, that I can not accept this marriage . . . I doubt he will understand."

“What’s the worst that he could do? You’re old enough to make your own choices” Merlin shrugged and leant back on the chair, resting his chin in his palm, “People learn from mistakes – and this is one huuuuuuuge mistake, I should know.” Yes, yes he did know but he wasn’t about to launch into the many mistakes of Merlin, not only would it bore Arthur to death, many of the mistakes he’d made where all magic and instinct gone wrong.

He couldn’t help but laugh when Arthur mentioned that he knew a lot about destiny. “It’s not knowledge” he told him, “just common sense, and I know that you think that for me it’s rare, but when it comes down to stuff like this…perhaps you should listen to me a bit more”. Not that it would ever happen.
Anyway Arthur was spending the day with Elena tomorrow so perhaps he could figure something out to disrupt the meeting.
"By the way, don't you dare leave my side once tomorrow,"
Merlin looked over to Arthur and shook his head. “I wont,” he told him honestly. He wasn’t about to up and leave Arthur in his time of need. Had this been a completely different situation, Merlin would have gone along to tease the hell out of him. But no. if Arthur needed him there then he would be.

“I promise…well…except if there’s a call of nature”.