A Royal Pain in the Brass (Arthur)

[em]

So this was his punishment for being away for 2 days? George?! Any moment now Merlin was just going to kill himself, or at least put a silencing spell on the dullest man servant ever. He’d spent the morning being shown how to clean a sword properly and now it seemed as though George was placing them in hilt order. Merlin wanted to diiiiiiiiiiiie. This was awful! Dull seemed to be an understatement. Merlin now actually wanted to kill Arthur for real – for putting him through this hell.
“And as you will observe, I have arranged all these swords by hilt order, as well as alphabetically” what?! Alphabetically? Swords didn’t have names!

“Greeeeeat” Merlin replied with very little enthusiasm. Lesson 1, and only 36 more to go apparently. He groaned at the thought of spending the rest of the day with his man. George was already looking over the crossbows. “Now…we must arrange these by the sharpness of the arrow”. Merlin, who was currently leant against the table of the armoury, slammed his forehead onto the top of it. He groaned slightly, “Come on now Merlin! We have a lot to cover – especially since we have to arrange all these shields by width.”

“Woah! That’s it – I can’t take another hour of arranging, polishing or shining” Merlin looked up immediately and threw up his arms, “but by all means, knock yourself out…”

George frowned at him, “Then would you care to move onto the kitchens for the preparation of food? The marinating of the chicken is by far the most important factors, as it releases flavour that…” At this point Merlin stopped listening whilst George rambled on.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

“…and the cutlery must be arranged so that the fork...”

That was it, he was walking. Arthur was welcome to have George as his servant, no matter how dull – Merlin would tell him that he quit and would then have a peaceful life. That would be his revenge.

Tagged: Arthur Pendragon
Setting: Started off in the Armoury but I guess it’ll move around.
Timeline: S4 – EP 6

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur was in a rather good mood and feeling quite smug at the moment. Ever since Merlin's return, he had been acting a bit . . . off. It became especially evident after the way he had spoken to Guinevère when she had been so kind to prepare lunch for him. Ever since then, he'd been acting odd. Arthur had a guess as to why that was . . . because he was drunk. Because apparently, he'd spent two days in the tavern, thinking he could have all the time off of work to drink to his heart's content. He had tried to give him some time off following his ordeal but he had insisted on getting back to work. And then, vanished to the tavern. Arthur was going to have to talk to the tavern keeper to make sure Merlin was not given drinks while he should be working. Two days! Two bloody days! But Arthur's mood was not soured from it. In fact, he was rather pleased with the punishment he found fit for Merlin's disappearance.

In a word, George.

The man had nearly bored Arthur to death, and he could only imagine how insane he was driving Merlin. The thought put a smile on Arthur's face, rather impressed with himself for having thought of it. A week with George 'training' Merlin to be a proper servant would indeed drive him to madness. And Arthur would be there watching it, every step of the way. He decided to make this entire arrangement even better, by checking up on them! Only an hour or so had gone by, but Arthur knew that with George's diligence and keenness for details, they would still be in the armory. So Arthur decided to join them, making his way down to where they would be. As he got closer to the door, he noticed Merlin about to walk out, and Arthur's presence couldn't have been timed better. He stood in the threshold of the armory, blocking Merlin from being able to exit. He wasn't going to escape that easily! "Going somewhere Merlin?" He asked smirking, his voice very smug. Without moving position, he turned his head to the side so that he could look past Merlin, and at a George. "How's the training coming along George?" He questioned, really loving every minute of this far too much.

[em]

Merlin hurried to the doorway, walking slap bang into Arthur as he tried to make his hasty escape. "Going somewhere Merlin?". Of course the look on Arthur's face told him that the King was indeed, enjoying this torture.
Merlin looked at him, quickly coming up with an excuse. "I need to pee" he simply said and went to pass Arthur, who subsequently decided to ask him how his training with George was going. Merlin, by now, was putting on a little jig - just to show Arthur how much he actually needed to go. "Fine...now if i can just..." he pointed in the direction he wanted to head to, but by now George was at the door.

"Ah Merlin! Make haste! We've yet to colour co-ordinate the King's socks, and I must show you how to beat the curtains so as they are to the correct and proper shape!" Merlin looked to Arthur, and then back to George in dismay. It was then the other servant (who strangly reminded Merlin of someone - although he wasn't sure who) noticed Arthur standing there. "Ah sire!" he gave a swift bow, "It has been a very productive morning! Would you care to see our arrangement of the swords and sheilds? I trust you that never again shall Merlin have to spend ages looking for what you require".

Merlin felt sick. "That's great George, but really...i should....go and check the consistansy of the pillows" he slowly backed away, motioning over his shoulder to where he was going, "Don't want that head of yours becoming out of shape now do we sire?" he laughed nervously.
Of course George's face lit up at the prospect of pillow fluffing. "What an excellent idea Merlin! I shall be along to inspect within the half hour!".

Alarm bells then rang in Merlin's head. Would he ever escape George??!! "Oh, err....that's ok - Arthur! why don't you come with me? im sure you'd love...err...fluffing..." he trailed off. Merlin looked to Arthur with a pleading expression in his eyes, "Help me" he mouthed silently whilst George was busy looking at the walls and muttering something. There was no way that he was about to be made to clean walls. He'd rather be savaged to death by Arthur's dogs!

[Arthur Pendragon]

"I need to pee." Arthur highly doubted that. Then again, he did recall Merlin having bladder issues in the past. So perhaps he wasn't lying. Oh well. It only meant that Arthur was going to have even more fun watching him in such discomfort, while he dragged out this little encounter with George. Even if Merlin was doing a little dance to add desperation to his current state. Arthur was doing all within his power not to laugh right now. This was just positively hysterical. George was the dullest man alive, so to know that Merlin would be 'enjoying' his company for the rest of the week only made Arthur so amused by it. It was clear that he couldn't even tolerate an hour or so of this particular servant's company. How hilarious! When George asked him if he wanted to see the arrangement of swords and shields, Arthur knew that he most certainly did not!

For it meant that George would drone on and on about how he organized them, and give far too many details. He even feared another awkward joke, perhaps this time about steel. Merlin may have to suffer his company, but Arthur was going to spare himself from it. "That's quite alright George. I trust that you have done an excellent job with your arrangement of them. Perhaps explain it again to Merlin tomorrow, to be sure that he does not forget." Ah yes. Arthur was truly enjoying this far too much now. When Merlin said that he needed to check the 'consistency of his pillows' Arthur knew now that the whole peeing excuse was a false one. That he was really just trying to get out of this. Making him less sympathetic to Merlin. Yet, George seemed rather pleased by the prospect of . . . fluffing pillows? Interesting. Very interesting indeed. Arthur's laughter was not going to be able to be controlled for much longer. Especially when he saw Merlin mouth to him to help him.

It was just all too funny! But alas, Arthur decided to give Merlin a short little break, if only to gloat. "Very well then. Let's go Merlin. George, try not to take too long. Merlin still has a great deal to learn and I don't wish him to waste any time." So his break would be limited indeed. He gave a nod to the over diligent servant and turned to walk in the hall, waiting for Merlin to join him. A smile broke out on Arthur's lips, far too amused with this whole scenario. "Having fun then I take it?" He asked in a low voice so that George would not be able to hear. George really was a good servant . . . but just too dull. Especially after Arthur had grown accustomed to Merlin. George was just far too serious . . . he would be better suited for another knight. Someone who did not care for a sense of humor. Perhaps he would offer him to Gwaine sometime, see which one could out talk the other.

[em]

Of course Arthur was enjoying this! Merlin felt like strangling him right now, but had to control his current state. The King was almost on the brink of laughter, and it was no surprise when he didn't accept George's offer of looking at their progress in the armoury.

Merlin looked at the servant, who - with a rather vague expression - nodded. "Very good sire - Lesson 5 shall be all about the correct positioning of the weapons when being put away after use". Ok, clearly Merlin was NOT going to be there for that, and had Merlin have spent all day in the armoury, polishing, arranging, naming and so on...he would've come back with a very different answer to George. "Oh I really don't think we need to go over all of it again" he he fidgeted and looked to Arthur with a glare, "Im sure I can remember how to polish a sword."

At least now Arthur was hearing his plea for help and doing something about it, rather than just laughing. They headed away from George (who seemed more than content with showing a passing servant how clothes should be properly folded when in the laundry basket) and rounded the corner. "Having fun then I take it?" Merlin looked to Arthur in dismay.

"I swear if I hear one more joke about swords, im going to fall on one myself!" Merlin complained, "I've had enough of 'Oh Merlin, How do you turn a sword?... You hilt it a little!" he ran a hand through his hair, "I swear it's going to drive me to the brink of killing myself - then that will be your fault because I'll be dead and you'll be stuck with the dullest servant alive....and then he'll bore you to death and Camelot loses another King". There, that would make Arthur think twice about sending him back to spend the rest of his days with George. How was he even going to survive a week like Arthur had said?!

He looked to Arthur, "If you make me spend the rest of the week with him then I'm leaving - then you can be stuck with him". If he drive Merlin mad - then he would certainly do the same to Arthur, no matter how efficient he was.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"I'm sure I can remember how to polish a sword." Oh Arthur wasn't going to let him get out that easily. "It never hurts to learn properly Merlin. You do need a reminder in how to polish a sword after all. I trust George to be thorough and diligent in teaching you so." This was going to be hysterical! When they were finally out of the room, Arthur began to chuckle with pure amusement. This was perfect. The perfect and most fitting punishment he could find for Merlin. Hell, it was more entertaining than making him muck out the stables. Because this would last for a whole entire week! His chuckling only filled with more amusement when Merlin went on to complain about George. Mocking him with mimicry and such. This was just too good! And Arthur could take a seat back and enjoy the show. Merlin vs George. "Perhaps this will make you think twice before you decide to spend two days in the tavern," he told him.

He was unable to suppress his laughter. "If you make me spend the rest of the week with him then I'm leaving - then you can be stuck with him." This only made him more amused! "Don't try to threaten me Merlin," he said with humor in his tone. Empty threats, thats what they were. "You can take your own life if you like. Because that would happen long before you leave your job," he told her, unable to stop smiling. It was all just too perfect! He knew Merlin would not quit, obviously. So he was not worried in the slightest. "Like I said, I hope this teaches you a lesson. Well, one of many since George is planning to teach you quite a few," he said. He had tried to use a serious tone, but in the end, he just started smirking again and chuckling at his own brilliance of this whole arrangement.

[em]

"It never hurts to learn properly Merlin. You do need a reminder in how to polish a sword after all. I trust George to be thorough and diligent in teaching you so." Over his dead body! Merlin wasn't ever spending another hour with George again - he'd rather be savaged by wild dogs! "No, no way is he teaching me how to polish, you already know that I can do that so you can see your face in that armour!" Merlin really wasn't going to allow Arthur to have the satisfaction this time. No way. Not now or ever - he was welcome to George.

Threaten? Threaten? He was serious! "I mean it" he told Arthur, "and i'd glady take that option if it were a choice of being with George and that." he argued back. "There is no way that you can make me spend the rest of the week with George, because if you do then im going back to Ealdor." No doubt that Arthur wouldn't believe him, but perhaps the look on Merlin's face right now would make him think twice. "Like I said, I hope this teaches you a lesson. Well, one of many since George is planning to teach you quite a few,"

At this Merlin began to become little angry. "Fine, if he's that great then make him your man servant, but im not being made to spend everyday with him for something that I didn't even do!" He referred to Gauis' lie about the tavern. "I quit" he said casually and folded his arms. "I quit - so there, go and run to George and tell him the good news"