You Are Loved

[Guinevère]

Guinevère awoke with the morning light like she had since she was a child. She stayed curled in her bed for a moment, just letting herself slowly awaken to the day. Rising she dressed and brushed her hair before going out to start her day. "Good Morning, Martha." She greeted on her way out of the house she lived in. Martha was Allan's wife. Allan owned the land and home Guinevère was working in. In return for a small room of her own, she tended to the pigs and chickens.

"Good morning, Allan!" She called, waving to the man in the field not far from the house. As she went into the barn she greeted the chickens, and pulled out the feed for them and poured it into the apron around the yellow and tan dress she wore. Walking out into the sunshine she sprinkled the feed on the ground. Once done she went to wake the pigs. "Morning ladies," She called, and clapped her hands. "Hungry?" Picking up the pitch fork she heard the children of the small village she had lived at for the past two years.

Turning she smiled at them, "Why are we in a hurry today?" She asked, as the smallest boy ran to her and Guinevère lifted them into her arms. 'A rider coming!' He said in his small five year old voice. Guinevère felt a little bit of fear, as times were unsettled this far from the main cities. "Really?" She asked looking toward the way the boys where running from. "Just one?"

Guinevère wondered who was coming, but knew that it was best she avoid them. Strangers could be dangerous. Even lone ones. She had traveled for months before she found a family that could take her in. Her life here was good, safe. She felt alone though, at night more then any other time. She missed Arthur. Missed his smile, his teasing . . . she missed his love. Her only comforts where in letters from her brother, the occasional visit from him. There was also the children. She helped teach them, and found it was easier to be around them then the adults who would ask about her past. "Let us stay here, and away from the danger."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur was feeling a bit nervous. He had come to Alined's kingdom, and while he had said it was to visit his ally, that wasn't quite the reason. Alined wasn't exactly the most . . . trustworthy ally. While he was bound by the treaty, Arthur had also had his suspicions about him last he came to Camelot when the treaty was being established. While he remained polite on the surface . . . there was something very artificial about him that made Arthur trust him even less. But the purpose of his visit wasn't to make friends with the king. It was to visit one of the smaller villages. Which was exactly what he was doing today. He had gone under the excuse of hunting, so was dressed for the occasion. He'd taken with him a few men for safety purposes and so it would actually look like he was hunting and not doing what really was planning to.

Knowing the village was close, he brought his horse to a halt and dismounted, informing the others not to enter and to wait in this general vicinity. He didn't know how long he would be, but he knew it was time to do this. Two years had gone by and where he had once told Merlin that he was sure in time he would forgive Guinevère . . . well, he was gravitating toward forgiveness. The trust would have to rebuilt, but forgiveness was not far. Because, he missed her. Because he loved her. That had never changed. And the days had grown and lonely without her. His entire life was surrounded by betrayal and he didn't want to be apart from Guinevère any longer. Of course, he could not force her to come home or to try and repair their damaged relationship, but he was here to at least ask. To place that offer there. He knew in his heart that she would not have remarried, nor found comfort in another.

He had come close to remarrying for the good of the kingdom, but sending Mithian away was the first real sign that he was not going to be able to be with another. His heart beat only for one woman . . . because if she had betrayed him that night, she still held his heart. Taking a deep breath, he began to venture into the village. He could feel all eyes on him, which was not overly surprising for villages like there were vulnerable to attacks by strangers and raiders. An elder man approached him and asked what he could help him with. "I'm looking for someone named Gwen." Because he had a feeling she would be going by that name, as he was one of the few -- if not the only person -- who called her by her full name. He was about to go ahead and describe what she looked like but the man seemed to know exactly who he was referring to, and pointed in that direction.

Arthur thanked him and began to walk toward there. He could feel the man's eyes on him. Clearly everyone here had a strong bond and were protective over one another. Which was good. Arthur was glad she found that stability somewhere. Arthur walked closer and closer . . . until she came into view. He stopped at a bit of a distance, her back toward him. She was holding a child, but Arthur wasn't even paying attention to that, nor where she was. Only that she was here. And that this was the first time he was seeing her in two years. He stayed silent for a few moments, before finally gaining the courage to speak. Or well, perhaps it was not courage he was lacking . . . his nervousness was just overwhelming him right now. "Guinevère," he said in a low voice, though loud enough for her to hear him. Even her name sounded foreign on his tongue.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère was standing in the straw and mud as they waited for one of the men to come back with news of the rider. The town did not see many visitors so Guinevère knew that they would be talking about this all night. It was then she saw the hair over the edge of one of the buildings. Her heart skipped a beat at first but she shook her head, knowing surely it was foolishness that made it do such. Then she saw his face.

HIS face. Arthur. Her breathing quicken as a mixture of joy and panic filled her. Surely he could not have known she was here or he would not but . . . what was a king doing in such a small town? 'You're holding me too tight.' Came the small voice but Guinevère could not let him go just yet for her voice was too shocked. "Guinevère," He did not seem surprised.

He seemed to . . . . why was he not surprised. 'You're holding me--' "Yes! I'm sorry." She eased her hold and moved toward the gate, having to walk around one of the pigs to do so. Sitting the boy out of the mud, she realized that her lower part of her faded yellow dress was covered in mud.

Turning from the children she took a few steps closer to Arthur, but did not approach all the way, since she was dirty and Arthur looked very noble even in his casual clothing. "He----" The words died ion her lips, "Hullo." She managed to say, feeling very shocked, surprised and with everyone watching, a bit on display.

That was when the fear hit her. There was only one reason he would come! Only one! She bit her lip and felt a bit of tears start to form. "Is it . . . is it my brother?" Was he dead? Had Arthur come to break the news to her?! Was her brother hurt, or had he died in a fight?

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur just stared at her, not quite noticing the mud, the child's complaint, or the surrounding eyes. He was solely focused on her. After having not seen her for so long . . . and seeing her now . . . so close to him . . . it was overwhelming. It almost didn't feel real. He didn't know how to explain the emotions associated with this. He knew it was easier with the passage of time. Easier to be able to look at her, and be near her, than it was two years ago when he couldn't even bare to look at her for what she had done. Perhaps this did mean he was fully on his way to forgiveness, and that none of this was a mistake. For he had battled with the decision, knowing it was not fair to either of them for him to offer false hope.

He saw the tears form in her eyes and wondered if it was due to his presence . . . but her question explained what had caused it. He'd not even considered the possibility . . . but he knew it made sense. For she did not know his reasons for being here. "Elyan is fine," he said, not even thinking about the words he was speaking, though they were filled with truth. "He is well," Arthur added, so that she did not feel the need to worry about her brother. Elyan was how he knew where to find Guinevère. The knight had not offered the information . . . until Arthur had asked. In fact, the subject of Guinevère had hardly been broached by anyone. For it was one that Arthur had prohibited for some time. Some things were too painful to talk about.

Even when he had asked Elyan about Guinevère's whereabouts, he had to give an explanation for his motives. Elyan was her brother after all, a protective one, and he had to give his reasons for seeking her out. But Arthur thought of none of that right now. Only of the woman standing in front of him. A few moments of silence passed, before somehow the realization that they were standing in a public setting came into his mind. "May I speak to you? In private." It was her decision of course, and he did not want to pressure her either way. But he knew that the conversation he planned to have would be far better when there were no prying eyes or listening ears.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère felt the giant wave of relief hit her as Arthur said her brother was well. She closed her eyes for a moment and opened with with the confusion returning but the tears gone. Her brother was well but why had he come? Was another ill or . . . Or worse? Arthurs voice, as strong as she remembered it, spoke and she heared a small bit of the emotion that she herself felt. Nervousness. Was that really what she heard? The only reason she thought she was able to pick it up was because of how much she tried to cling to it in her mind.

"Yes," she said softly, then spoke up a little more. "Yes, of ... Of course." She knew she could not invite him into her room, not into Allan's home. Not only would there be no privacy but it would kill the reputation she had here. Turning she gestured to the tree line a short walk from them, but far enough that they would not be over heard. Unable to say more she turned and walked slowly toward the trees, as if in shock. Then she smoothed her hands over her dress, as if that would some home help the mess she looked.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur waited nervously for her answer . . . agreeing to his request. First on a soft voice, and then one that sounded a bit more sure. Or well, perhaps sure wasn't the way to put it. Neither of them were sure about anything right now. He gave a small nod as he glanced around once and then began to follow her lead as to where they could go somewhere to talk. It was near the trees, out of ear shot but not totally out of sight. It seemed like a good place to talk. Perhaps not long term . . . but it was a start. He looked at her, finding himself at a loss of words. he's gone over the words . . . over and over again in his mind, reciting what to say to her when he saw her again. And now . . . they all seemed to flee his mind. No amount of rehearsal could have prepared him for this moment.

He had no idea what to say. While he'd often been flustered around her -- especially when he'd first developed feelings for her -- this was different. In a different way and for entirely different reasons. How did he bring up such a difficult subject? How did he ask if she wanted to return to Camelot? "How have you been?" That was not exactly the question he wanted to ask, but it was the one that slipped out. He was still concerned about her well being, and hoped that all had indeed been well. She seemed settled in his village, and she didn't seem to have any markings that indicated any sort of violence or attack against her. Then again . . . it had been two years. Who knows what had happened in two years. So much, and yet it had felt as if he was just living through each day in a haze. Uncertain of anything.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère wondered if she had mud on her cheeks, and if she should have washed up first. Yet at the same time she doubted she would be able to walk away from him, even for the shortest moment as to check her cheeks. "How have you been?" He asked and her heart skipped a beat for the almost casual question, asked by him. She was not fooling herself into thinking it was just casual, for two years had gone by, and much would have happened to them both.

She had been cold. Emotionally and physically. Lonely. She missed him. This land was a bit north of Camelot and the winters were colder. She had missed Arthur's warmth next to her in the nights, as well as the warmth he brought to her heart on dark days. He was her hope, and her heart and . . . . and she missed him. So much more then she would ever dare say.

"Fi-Fine." She told him, glancing over at him and then away. Reaching the tree line, she came to rest with her hand on one tree, so she could use it for support--though mostly emotional. "And you, Arthur?" She asked, "Are you well?" Her eyes looked over his face, and tried to take in every detail. She wasn't sure why he was here, but in this moment she almost didn't care. She could see him now, hear his voice. He was real and not just a dream. "You look well."

[Arthur Pendragon]

She said she was fine . . . and Arthur wondered if it was true. Probably not. She was most likely as well as could be expected. Considering he had banished her, forcing her to leave her family and friends. While he wasn't sure he could regret his decision to banish her, he knew he would regret living a life without her. If she wanted a life with him that is. While that night had suggested otherwise . . . he had to believe what his heart was telling him. In that part of her, whatever part, did want to be with him. Or was it just pathetic wishful thinking on his part? He supposed he would find out . . . and it was all the more reason he was nervous about raising the subject. "I am," he answered, though it was not entirely true. Physically, he was fine. And if he looked well, then no emotional turmoil showed.

He had missed her. Everything about her. Every small thing such as seeing a vase filled with flowers in his room, knowing they came from her. To the bigger things like holding her in his arms, or kissing her in a moment of passion. Just . . . everything. He'd felt empty these past years and even now, with just one look at her, and being in her presence . . . was slowly starting to make him feel complete again. Though, he wasn't sure what to say now. He knew he was stalling from what he had come here to ask. "This seems like a nice village, with decent people." Small talk. Arthur mentally kicked himself for it but . . . he was still trying to process seeing her and talking to her. And, figuring out what to say so that she would come home. For he knew that his last words to her made no indication that he ever wanted to see her again.

[Guinevère]

Small talk. How .... Everything seemed unexpected, both the small talk and his presence here today. He did not seem angry any longer, he seemed to be able to look at her with out the look she had seen on his face last. That was good. She knew better then to believe it meant more then what it was but it was to form a new last memory of him, one not of anger but of a more different nature.

"They are good people. I stay with the family in the home just there." She gestured to were she lived now. Her rooms, that even after two years did not feel like a home. Not how Camelot had. The people were warm and friendly and helpful but it wasn't home. They were not Arthur, and Elyan, and Merlin, and the others. "The summers are nice here." He didn't care about the summers, but she wasn't sure why to say, or do. "How is everyone? How do they fair?"

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur was relieved to hear that she was staying with good people here, and that they had not done her wrong. From what he could tell thus far. There seemed to be a genuine way in which she spoke of them, so he didn't have any doubts . . . but still. It was not Camelot. It was a place that she could stay which was . . . temporary. And he knew that at some point, he would have to make that known. Because judging from their last conversation . . . he knew that he'd given no indication to her that she was welcome back home. In fact, he'd said that she was to return on pain of death. And he wanted to recant that statement now. "That's good," he said in reference to both her comments. This conversation was so extremely awkward, and he wished he wasn't so nervous to just tell her the true purpose of his visit. "How is everyone? How do they fair?" Another casual question, to make conversation. "Everyone is well," he assured her. The thought of telling her of Lancelot's death crossed his mind -- in case she had not known -- , but he refrained from doing so.

Maybe at some point it would be brought up, but that wasn't exactly how he wanted to start off this conversation. "They accompanied me. And are waiting in the woods." For him to return with an answer. He knew that they were all eager to see Guinevère again -- especially Elyan and Merlin. But also respected the fact that Arthur wanted to speak to her privately first. He paused for several moments, trying to muster the courage to continue. "I . . . have come here for a specific reason Guinevère." To see her. Keeping the peace was Alined had just been an excuse, for the real reason he had traveled all this way, was for her. "To um," He paused again. He didn't normally stutter but he couldn't help it right now. It was such an odd thing to ask . . . and in the end, his courage failed him. He just grew distracted, looking at her, knowing that whatever hurt and anger that had been in the last glance he'd given her two years ago, was replaced with soft longing and deep affection. "I've missed you." Because that was what it all came down to. The words had been unplanned, perhaps even unwise . . . but not untrue.

[Guinevère]

"That is good." She said surprised that they were near and had not rode in to see her. "I hope to see them before you leave. I have not see them in . . . . " Two years. " . . . in a while." Elyan had come for visits, but he had also pretended to be a blacksmith when he did. For she told no one of her past. Only that she had been a servant in a noble's home, and she had left when she lost her job. It was easier--and safer--for her to not speak of her relations to knights and a king. When he left she would have to think of what to tell everyone. They could not know a king calm to see her.

"I . . . have come here for a specific reason Guinevère." Her heart beat a little harder, waiting for him to speak. He seemed to be hesitant to say something, and it worried her. "To um," For Arthur never stalled nor tripped over his words. He was confidant and strong. "I've missed you." The look on face when he said the words broken her heart, but the words squeezed it tightly. Surely this a dream, one that felt so real that it would keep her from rising from bed when she managed to awaken.

She didn't know there were a few small tears on her cheeks until she felt the wetness there. Muddy, a mess, and now wet. While she wasn't vain, she liked to look beautiful for him, and instead she looked like she had been working in the pig sty! Yet it was not her looks she was even thinking of. Words escaped her both in her mind, and from her lips in this moment. She could not even try to begin to think about what his words meant. She could only stare up at him, looking into his eyes. Praying it was not a dream while trying to for her mind to say something.

When in truth she only wanted to through herself at him and apologize and beg. "And I you," She finally was able to say, "Very much so."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur was not blind to the tears in her eyes, and wanted nothing more than to wipe them away. But it was hard enough to speak such strongly sentimental words. Actions were another matter. Perhaps in time -- for that was what he ultimately hoped to achieve, a full repair of their relationship. He wanted to get back what they had lost. All that trust, the hope of a life together . . . he just didn't know if it was something she was willing to do. Or if it would be too painful to return. It was part of the reason he was so nervous. Because while he was ready for this, she may not be. He just gazed at her, unsure of how long he was just standing silently. Where did they go from here? He missed her and wanted to wrap his arms around her, never wishing to let go. But again, that may be too forward. He needed to first try and determine if there was hope for them.

Even if there wasn't . . . then he would still of course lift the banishment, and she could still return home. He wasn't selfish enough to give her such an otherwise cruel ultimatum. Finally gaining enough composure to speak the words, he took a deep breath and decided that he just needed to get it all out. "I came to ask if . . . you would come home." Or if she even wanted to. It may be possible that she did, for too many painful memories dwelt there. Ones that he had somehow learned to live with. But he didn't want to torment her with them. He only hoped that she would give him the chance to try and mend what was broken between them. This was the first step, and he was fully aware that it had to come from him . . . as he had been the one to send her away.

[Guinevère]

"I came to ask if . . . you would come home." The few tears that had come from his first words, now turned into more, and her hand came up to cover her lips for a moment. It was almost hard to breath in, for every time she did her heart could be felt as it drummed so hard. She wanted to yell, Yes! but no words could escape her for the moment. Just as she wanted to know 'as what'? As his friend? As just a citizen? As something more to him?

Reaching up she wiped away the wetness and inhaled to clear her voice before she tried to speak. She tired too at first but her voice froze and she ended up just nodding. Yes. Yes she wanted to HOME. Very much so. Finally she spoke, though her voice held the emotion that overwhelming her. "I would like that," She paused, trying to calm her emotions, "I have missed everyone." Though none more then then very man before her. None more then Arthur. "And home." And him.

She didn't know why he was asking her, and she was a little afraid to question it right now. She would ask, soon, but not in this moment.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur wasn't sure how long he had been holding his breath, awaiting her answer . . . though it was clear that she too was overwhelmed with emotions. Finally, she said that she would like that. She didn't seem to be hesitant to return, but she also did not assume that upon her return, they would be together. She spoke generally, of how she had missed everyone and her home and while he believed that to be true . . . he also wanted her to know that he was not only asking her to come home. But to come home with him. Not just escorted by him and the knights. There was a significant difference, and while such a conversation would not be able to be had in full right now, he at least wanted to introduce it. Though that uncertainty as to whether she would be willing to try and be with him again was making him feel uneasy, to the point of feeling ill.

Because he felt as if his entire future, and any hope for happiness, was dependent on her words, on her decision. It was more intense of a feeling than it had been when he'd first proposed to her. He'd been more confident and certain then. Now, he just felt more insecure and nervous. But he had to force the words out. In her absence, Arthur had reverted to his former self where he did not express nor speak about his emotions. For the one woman that he was able to do so with, had not been with him. Now, while it was so easy to be himself with her . . . it was difficult to express what was in his heart. For now, more than ever, he felt extremely vulnerable. "Much has happened between us," he began, a statement of the obvious but not one to be ended on a negative note. "But . . . I was wondering, if you would like . . . " He had to leave the option open to her if she rejected his offer.

He found his feet taking small steps toward her, gravitating toward her. "I want to be with you Guinevère." Because that was what it came down to. "And if it this is something you would like too then . . . I thought that perhaps, we could find a way." To be together. To be happy. To work through all that had come between them. He had no false illusions; he knew that it would take time and work to mend their damaged relationship. But, their love had defeated spells, changed traditions of a kingdom, and done so much more powerful things. He never doubted she loved him, though the magnitude of how much had been made clear. But whatever he had done wrong to cause her to turn to another man for comfort and intimacy . . . he would change. He would try harder to time, and pray that their love could withstand yet another test.

[Guinevère]

Arthur's next words were more surprising then all of the ones that came before. "I want to be with you Guinevère." He did? He wished to give her another chance? Let her have the chance to make amends? She wished for nothing more, and he was standing before her giving her that moment she had only dare dream about a few times. "And if it this is something you would like too then . . . I thought that perhaps, we could find a way." Yes!

Her eyes were spilling the tears now, as she too took a few steps closer to him. Her hand leaving the tree and resting on her belly now for it was full of butterflies. "I love you. I would like a chance to do things better." Since she had ruined it before. "Please, I would like that." She asked him though knowing he had asked her, but in truth she should be begging him for that second chance.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur watched the tears fall from her eyes, wondering if it was a good sign or a bad. But the fact that she took a few steps closer to her was an indication of the former. And then when she spoke . . . Arthur felt a massive way of relief wash over him. He knew that her words could make or break this. Whether she would be in agreement to this, or not want to give him false hope. Her words sounded so genuine . . . so sincere. He wanted to believe that this was what she had always wanted. But knew from experience, it was not. Yet those bitter feelings were gone. Because he loved her. Because he couldn't have been imagining this strong relationship between them . . . one that was worthy for another chance. A small smile formed on his lips for only a second before it faded. He was happy to hear it of course . . . but he also didn't know how things would be between them. That didn't mean he wasn't eager to find out.

For he had been dreaming of a life with her . . . ever since he had broke out of that delusion that he could live -- and perhaps be happy -- with another woman. While he wished it had not been at Mithian's expense, he was glad that the realization had come to him. Before he'd made a mistake that he would have regretted for his entire life. "Alright then," he said softly, the words just further convincing that his ears were not playing tricks on him. Confirmation that this was real. He just looked at her intently, trying to find the right words to say, as he had been trying to do during this entire encounter. "I love you." Words that seemed so important right now, for his heart swelled hearing them from her. He wanted her to know that the feeling was mutual, that his love for her had never lessened. In fact, in her absence, it had grown -- if that was even possible.

[Guinevère]

He almost smiled but then it faded, and she wondered why. Though she herself knew. It would a long time before this was just a memory. Years even. Though she wanted to take them and use them to prove to him that she had meant every word she ever said to him. Every promise. Every night.

"i love you too," she said with a bit of tears and a soft smile that could not express the emotions she felt. Moving with out thinking, Guinevère moved forward to wrap her arms around his middle, for she was unable to not hug him in this moment. Everyone could see them, but she no longer cared. She was going home! Home with her family! Nothing else mattered in this moment! Later she would ask questions, in this moment he had asked the only one that mattered.

[Arthur Pendragon]

She spoke those three words that he loved hearing. During her absence -- more so near the beginning of her banishment -- it had been hard to think of her saying those words to him. Now he knew that it was enough for her to give them another try. He watched as she moved closer, wrapping her arms around him. Arthur paused for only a moment before he reacted. The familiar sensation of how it felt to hold her in his arms overpowered everything else in him right now. He slowly brought his arms around her, one was casually draped around her back, while his other hand gently rested on the back of her head, to hold her close to him. He closed his eyes, lowered his head a bit so that his chin was rested on the top of her head. Taking in her scent, the way her small figure fit so perfectly in his large arms, her warmth . . . just, everything.

She was coming home. She was coming home with him. It filled him with hope, with the belief that they would get through all the trials . . . and prayed that this was the last one their relationship would have to undergo. While each obstacle they faced strengthened them, the last one was the most difficult. But she always gave him hope, always instilled faith in him, to think of the better . . . and this was no exception. After many long wonderful moments of just standing in this position, he slowly drew back so that he could look at her face. His hand that had been on the back of her head moved to slowly tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Will you be ready to leave tomorrow?" Because he needed to get back to Camelot and the purpose of his journey here was finally fulfilled. For he would not be returning to his kingdom without Guinevère.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère inhaled as she pressed her face to his chest, and noticed that while it took him a moment to return the embrace he didn't seem as if it had been too much. She would have to wait before hugging him again to make sure it wasn't pushing too hard. She didn't want to make anything harder for him when he was already making the first steps!

"Yes, I can be ready." It was the first time that she had to pack up her life in just a few hours, and this time she would have a bit less to pack. Some of the things she had taken, had been sold in order to help get her this far safely. She glance down for a moment and noticed that she and gotten him muddy!! "I'm sorry!!" She said and moved her hands to brush off his shirt some and didn't try to his trousers. That would be too forward.

[Arthur Pendragon]

If she needed extra time to pack and say her goodbyes, then Arthur would have of course given it to her. He just wanted to return to Camelot as soon as possible, so that they could start repairing the damage in their relationship. He couldn't say that they were starting over, for far too much had happened -- both good and bad. But it was a way to move past the bad events of the past that had hurt them. And focus on the good, as well as build good memories and remind them why they should be together. Why it was better that they were together, rather than fooling himself in thinking he could ever be happy without her. She then apologized and it took Arthur a few seconds to understand what she was apologizing for.

He glanced down at the mud, and gave a small smile. "It's fine," he quickly reassured her, finding no cause for her to apologize. "It looks like I've actually gone hunting, which is what I had told King Alined." So that she wouldn't feel pressured in any way. He wanted her to know that this encounter between them was something he'd kept quiet, apart from the knights who had accompanied him. It was just better to keep things private . . . which was not anything new between them. Only it had been for different reasons this time.