Some Friendly Advice

[Caitrin de Archer]

The coronation was over and Caitrin had retired to her rooms rather earlier than she would usually do. She had been resting most of the time since Morgana’s fall, as Caitrin had been one of the ones to dare stand in the new Queen’s way. That hadn’t gone exactly to plan, but the only solace Caitrin could take from it was that she was here now; unharmed. Arthur had come back as she knew he would, and Griff was by her side once more. It was all Caitrin needed; all she would ever need. She sighed softly as she looked into a mirror on her dresser. The dark lines of stress and lack of sleep that Morgana’s reign had caused were finally fading. She was finally starting to feel half human again.

Overall the coronation had been a welcomed distraction from the distress the previous rule had caused. Although Caitrin knew that Uther was still technically the King, and Arthur would only truly ascend when he died, Camelot needed a ruler now, and she was sure Arthur would fit that criteria. She knew him, he was a close friend, and she knew he cared deeply for his people. That was what Camelot needed right now in the wake of rebuilding. They needed a strong ruler.

Caitrin had seen many familiar faces at the feast, as well as some unfamiliar ones. It seemed that every noble family who were a horse ride away from Camelot had been in attendance. Overall it had just been mesmerising. Perhaps a year ago she would have been excited about which nobles to flirt and tease with, and which men to toy with. Now though things were different. Though she was sure her personality would never change, there was now only one man she wanted to direct her attentions towards. Every time she thought about Griff she smiled, it had never been any different had it? She loved him. That was the only way to describe it.

It had been Caitrin’s suggestion for her family to stay overnight in the castle. The roads at night were still quite dangerous, though most of it was probably rumour. Her Uncle had not been happy about it at first, but he had been quickly quietened by his young niece as she reminded him of the threat to his own person as well as Caitrin’s if they were attacked. He had however insisted on separate chambers to Caitrin, which had been gladly granted. So it was just Caitrin and Griff in these chambers. Overall the room was quite nice. There was a four poster bed in the middle of the room, there was a small dresser with a mirror, and the window on the other side of the room overlooked the courtyard.

Caitrin had already bid her Uncle goodnight, though as to her fiancée, well she could not vouch for his whereabouts. She had told him she was leaving the feast, but he was probably trying to grab what he could from the feast, or he could even be exchanging words with his brother. Caitrin smiled to herself, she knew which of those scenarios was most likely. Setting herself down on the side of her bed, Caitrin brushed her scarlet silk dress down with her hands and looked across to the door. She hoped Griff came back soon, she wasn’t too fond of being on her own anymore. She was still incredibly shaken by Morgana’s rule; the scars that witch had left Caitrin with ran deep.

Lost in thought, she almost jumped when she heard a knock on the door. She blinked a few times, well it certainly wouldn’t be Griff. He wouldn’t have to knock; unless he thought he had got the wrong room. Honestly, they had only been here a few hours ago! “Come in.” She called casually and ran a hand through her hair and sighed softly, waiting for her guest to make themselves known.

Timeline: The night of Arthur’s Coronation, just after S3
Tags: Yassia
Location: Caitrin and Griff’s guest chambers in Camelot
Time of Day: Evening
Music: Elizabeth Arrives at Court- The Tudors OST
Notes: If you want anything editing just let me know

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia’s head was whirling, her thoughts tossing and turning inside her mind, tripping over each other, shouting at each other… in all honesty right now she would have liked to tear her head off her shoulders and be done with it all! And she wasn’t even drunk! No, it was not alcohol that caused her to be so painfully confused – it was a man. Something Yassia would have never thought possible. Then again, this was not any man, it was Oliver! And Oliver just had this way of getting under her skin, though how he managed it she couldn’t tell. Ever since stumbling over him making out in that dark corner with Lady Electra – the sheer rememberance of the scene made her ball her fists in unfathomable anger – she had become entangled in a web of completely conflicting emotions. There was ire, for the most part, white hot ire directed towards him for behaving like the jerk he did. There was pain as well, stabbing pain everytime he showed his contempt and distrust towards her openly. And yet… she could also not shake off the random twinges of giddy happiness that came over her every time she saw his face…

Groaning, Yassia stopped her determined stride towards her guest chambers and leaned against a cold stone wall, burying her face in her hands for a moment. There they were again, the conflicting voices in her head, fighting for dominance. Which of them should she listen to, which of them could she believe? It was all too much, really, she could not sort this out on her own. Not after the many ups and downs she had gone through during the past few hours. Their meeting in the corridor… when he had suddenly danced with her… the shouting match in the garden afterwards… what could any living soul make out of this? Her mind was thoroughly overburdened with making any sense out of it, and slowly Yassia feared she might go crazy. This was definitely the closest thing to crazy she had ever been. She needed help, she needed advice. She needed – a friend!

Suddenly it seemed like a ray of light was breaking through the tumbling, chaotic fog in her mind, illuminating one very special thought and making it seem clear as the light of day. There was only one person she could think of who may be able to help her with this. Caitrin. Apart from Romily and for a very different reason, Caitrin de Archer was the one person Yassia considered a true friend. They were so similar in some aspects, had been to similar problems and pains, and yet Caitrin was far better versed in the ways of the world, carefree and sure of herself. If anyone could make sense of this mess, it would be Caitrin. Not to mention that she also had much experience with men in general. And then another thought crossed Yassia’s mind and nearly made her smile. This was perfect… Caitrin had grown up in Mercia! Maybe she knew Oliver from years and years back, and could tell her what sort of man he was? Because right now, Yassia could not be any more unsure about him. He had shown so many faces to her already, which was the true one?

Now, with at least the outline of a plan firmly set in her mind, Yassia altered her way in a determined stride, ending up in front of Caitrin’s door shortly after. She only hoped she would not disturb Caitrin and Griff… now wouldn’t that be the perfect ending to this horrible day?!
Tentatively, she knocked on the door, calling through it. “Cait? It’s me, Yassia. Can I come in?”

[Caitrin de Archer]

It was odd now that Caitrin thought about it how much had changed in just a few months. If she could have seen herself as she was now a few months ago she wouldn’t have believed it. It was the little changes which Caitrin noticed more than anything. The fact she didn’t like being on her own anymore was just one of these. She knew nothing would happen to her now that Arthur was back, but she still found herself being rather nervy. After all, they had been under Morgana’s rule for two weeks. When Caitrin had been at her Uncle’s estates, before Morgana’s men had taken her to the castle, she had tried to act brave and strong so that the servants wouldn’t panic. What good would it have done them if everyone under her roof had been panicked?

Caitrin wanted Griff to come back from wherever he was. It wasn’t just the fact she didn’t like being alone, she wanted him to be here with her. If he could do anything just right, it was that he could make her smile. She just felt so happy when he was around. Caitrin began to fiddle with her engagement ring, they really should be thinking about setting a date soon, they had been engaged for a while now but neither of them was in any particular rush to do anything. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to get married, it was just every time they had thought about it, something had seemed to get in the way.

The knock on the door caused Caitrin to stand up away from her bed, almost defensively but her defensive nature dropped as soon as she heard the voice. Her features softened and she walked across to the door and opened it to her friend. Regrettably Caitrin had not been able to catch up with Yassia during the feast which followed the coronation. Perhaps now was the time to do just that. However, Caitrin suspected there was more to this visit as it was quite late. Of course Caitrin didn’t mind Yassia calling on her at this hour, she was a close friend so if she wanted to speak to her about anything then of course Caitrin would be at her side in an instance. That was what being a friend was all about wasn’t it?

“Yassia, you know you are welcome any time.” Of course the use of titles were not needed between them. Caitrin respected Yassia’s title of course, but in such an informal setting it hardly seemed the place to use it at all. She stepped back to allow Yassia to come in. Once she had Caitrin closed the door behind her. After all, the fire opposite the bed was burning brightly and it would be a shame to waste the heat on the outside corridor. “How are you?” Caitrin asked rather brightly, smiling at her friend. She wondered if there was something troubling Yassia. There was something there, in the way her eyes moved and the expression she donned screamed out that there was something wrong. However, she would let Yassia introduce that topic, and would not ask her out right.

Notes: Slight god mod, will edit if you don’t like

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

The door was opened rather quickly, thank the stars, and Yassia stepped through it as fast as she could without appearing rushed. Not that she was getting paranoid, but the least she wanted was to meet one of the Mercian royal family right now, and with the luck she had today that was not even too far fetched.
Once in, Yassia’s eyes scanned the room quickly and she heaved an inward sigh of relief when she found it to be empty except for Caitrin. Griff must be elsewhere. It was not like she didn’t like Griff, she found him rather amusing and in her eyes there was no better man for her best friend, just… this was something she rather spoke about with Caitrin alone. If anything, she would not feel embarrassed when the right words wouldn’t come to her right away. This was a merely private setting, just what she had aimed for.

Seeing Caitrin again reminded Yassia that they had not spoken in private for a while, not since Morgana’s reign had ended, and for a quick moment her own concerns were crowded out by the question of how Caitrin fared. After all, Morgana had treated her rather roughly, though Yassia never had dared to inquire details. It was enough that the mere knowledge of Caitrin’s opposition had swayed Yassia into the right direction, opened her eyes for Morgana’s true face after she had been blinded momentarily by Morgana’s seemingly gracious offer of help for Ailantha.
Outwardly her friend might appear the same, but just one glance was enough to see for Yassia that Caitrin had changed. The ere exuberant light of life in her eyes was not gone, but diminished and clouded by wariness. Maybe she would heal over time, but Yassia knew what only a few days in the hands of a malicious soul could do to you.

“How are you?”
The question was no unexpected one, but it still caught Yassia slightly off guard and she bit her lip. How was she indeed? How could she possibly find words for the peculiar and thoroughly frustrating state she was in? Were there even words for this?
In the end she didn’t even try, but after her attempt of a smile had failed, buried one half of her face in her right hand again like she had done outside the door and groaned.
”Oh Cait… if you only knew…” That of course was not a very informative statement, she would have to add to it, lest she turned Cait into an equally confused bundle of nerves. And then where would her advice come from?
”I’m… I don’t even know how I feel and what to say”, she tried again, shaking her head helplessly. “I met someone again today I thought I never would meet again… but it turns out we both lied to each other about who we really are… and now…”

She broke off. No, that wasn’t the right way to go about this. Caitrin wouldn’t get anything useful out of a rant about her confused feelings. She needed facts. Something she could work with.
”Do you remember the huntsman I once told you about… on our first meeting?”

Note: it's absolutely fine ^^

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin was quite bewildered at why her friend should be calling upon her at such an hour. Of course she didn’t mind, she and Yassia were close so of course it wouldn’t matter whenever Yassia wished to call upon her. Caitrin then felt rather guilty as she had not had chance to speak with Yassia during the days proceedings. She had been rather wound up in her company with Griff to pay much attention to many other people. She had met up with a few nobles, and had even spotted some men from Mercia who she had not expected to see. Of course Caitrin had not returned back to Mercia since she had been sent to live with her Uncle; neither had she wanted to. So it felt odd to see them here today, it was almost a reminder of her past life and who she used to be.

Of course she wouldn’t voice any of this to Yassia as it wasn’t the place for it. She hoped there was nothing too wrong with the woman as honestly Caitrin wouldn’t be able to bear it. Was it perhaps something to do with Morgana? Caitrin had no idea what Yassia had been put through during the false Queen’s rule; she hadn’t had the time to find out. For the time being, Caitrin was slightly glad that Griff had not returned yet. He would hardly be good at comforting another woman, well, without flirting with them.

Caitrin just watched, and waited quietly as Yassia tried to find the words to reply to her. She didn’t want to rush her after all, she just wanted to find out what was ailing her friend so much. She couldn’t help but be confused at Yassia’s words, who on earth could she be talking about? Caitrin knew that her friend had not gone about screaming that she was heir to the throne of Ailantha when she had been journeying to Camelot. However, why would lying to someone about her identity be causing her such conflict? Surely the person in question should understand? Then again Caitrin did not yet understand the whole story so she kept quiet until Yassia asked her the question.

Now that had been a long time ago. Quite a few months had passed since Caitrin and Yassia had been dining at her estate. The conversation had covered a broad range of topics but now Caitrin thought about it, she did remember Yassia speaking of a huntsman. She didn’t remember much of the detail, but she remembered a vague mention to the man. Caitrin nodded softly and looked over her friend, “Yes I remember you mentioning him.” She furrowed her brow once more. What did this have to do with anything? “Why?”

Notes: I think me and Perce said Oliver/Cait would meet up again at the coronation at some point, but that would be before your thread there obviously

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia could almost feel the confusion she had now ignited in Caitrin as well, and it made her sigh wearily. Just great! She had been going at this the perfectly wrong way, though she could not find how she could have done it better. This matter was just too confusing to deal with in general, she should not have burdened her friend with it in the first place. No… but then again, how WAS she supposed to deal with this alone? Again pictures of the previous hours whirled through her mind, making this every so much more diffcult to focus on. What she had seen in his eyes was mostly distrust and even contempt, anger and all kinds of unpleasant things. And yet… sometimes she could have sworn to see a flicker of something else there… just for a second and quickly masked… but then that might also be nothing but wishful thinking.

She didn’t expect Caitrin to remember much from a vague mentioning of some huntsman months and months ago, and so thought it easier to recapitulate the encounter that was still so vivid and precious in her mind, even though Oliver’s current behavior had done much to blemish it. What of it had been the sole outcome of too much whiskey being consumed by them both and what had been true? Then again, today when they had met he had been drunk as well, and he had not been in the least as nice as he had been back then… it just did not make any sense!
”Well…” she started with a sigh, raking a hand through her hair, “what I told you back then is that he shot me out of accident, then treated my wound and… that I liked him, but knew that this was never going to work out, he a carefree huntsman and me, a princess with the weight of a kingdom’s future on her shoulders.”

Again she let go a sigh, almost smiling now, though it held a bitter edge. “I don’t remember if I told you that his name was Oliver. Turns out he ‘forgot’”, she let airquotes accompany the word, “to mention that he also sports a very fancy title.”
Yassia swallowed and looked at Caitrin, all the confusion and hurt and a few other emotions she could not name herself evident in her eyes.
”It’s part of the reason I come to you, apart from me needing a friend’s advice. You might know him, his true name is ... Prince Oliver de Mercia.”

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin was still confused at Yassia's words, though she tried hard not to show it at first. She could remember a vague mention of the man in question and nothing more. Many things had happened after that conversation so it was a small miracle she even remembered having it. She smiled at Yassia, almost willing her friend to find the right words to explain her predicament. It felt rather formal standing in the middle of the floor, so Caitrin gestured to two seats which lay near the window, as that would probably be more comfortable for the pair of them. Caitrin took her seat and then looked back to Yassia as she finally spoke once more.

Ah yes, Caitrin did remember this now. The hunter aiding Yassia had been one of the many tales her friend had told her about her travels. Truly Caitrin could feel nothing but admiration for Yassia after having gone through so much on the road to Camelot. It took a strong person to go through all of that and still be as cheerful and well disposed as Yassia always was. In a way Caitrin had felt bad for Yassia after she had heard of the huntsman, as she had seemed rather fond of him. Caitrin had never really experienced falling for someone she couldn't have, but she couldn't imagine it to be a pleasurable experience by any measure.

A small curious smile crept onto Caitrin's lips as Yassia mentioned this 'fancy title'. Leaning forwards slightly towards Yassia, Caitrin smiled, "What kind of title?" Well this was most intriguing wasn't it! So it wasn't just Yassia who had been lying about her identity on the road then? Now that was interesting. Then Caitrin could just listen, and the shock was probably evident as Yassia revealed the man's true identity.

"Oliver?" She repeated, half stunned; her eyes widening in shock. She blinked, it surely couldn't have been Oliver who had touched Yassia's heart? Not that she thought it was impossible by any stretch of the imagination, he was incredibly charming. She was sure that aspect of him would never change. "Oliver was the hunter on the road?" She needed clarification of course at first. It amused her somewhat that Oliver had not told her who he was straight away, he sometimes had used the Prince's title on women for effect. Maybe this encounter had been somewhat different. Then she realised she hadn't exactly answered Yassia's question and she nodded quickly, "Yes I knew him quite well when I lived in Mercia." Of course Yassia didn't have to know how well, and the nature of their friendship, but still, she had known Oliver for most of her life. "In fact I spoke with him at the festivities tonight as well."

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia gladly took the seat beside Caitrin and leaned her head against the wall, closing her eyes for a split second. It didn’t stop the whirling memories and pictures, but it did give her at least the inkling of a moment of peace. The princess had always thought that you could sort everything out with the right amount of determination and logic, but apparently she had now found the one thing that was as evasive to her logic as water was to grasping hands. How should she ever make sense of this mess? Where should she even start? Both her and Oliver had now tossed in so much and had meddled past and present together in a gordic knot that was impossible to untangle. And bottom line of it all was that he still didn’t know if he could believe her. Though she hadn’t even done so much! Why could he not forgive her the same thing he had done? Why was he so adamant in thinking she had ‘played’ him on purpose? Nothing was farther from her mind!

Caitrin’s open expression of shock would have caused Yassia to laugh in any other circumstances. Her face was just priceless and her voice as well with which she spoke his name. But now she didn’t even manage much more than a weary, lopsided smile that sooner faded than it had appeared. So she had been at least right. Caitrin knew him, and thus could maybe tell her something about him.
But then, knowing Caitrin as the flirtatious woman she was, did Yassia even want to dig into this deeper? What if she discovered something she didn’t want to know? Once again the picture of Lady Electra’s rapturous facial expression assaulted Yassia’s mind and it was all she could do not to ball her hands into tight fists. Which just caused another wave of confusion. Why was it getting to her so much? She had no claim on Oliver, had she? He was a free man and could do whatever he wished… and yet… the line her thoughts had straying to made her almost regret asking Caitrin about him… sweet stars, could you be any more pathetic? What in the heavens’ name was wrong with her?!

”Yes”, she sighed, trying to stop her thoughts from galloping away into directions she hadn’t even reached with Caitrin yet. “Oliver was the very same huntsman. I recognized him at once… though he took a considerable longer time recognizing me.”
The revellation that Caitrin had spoken with him should not come as a big surprise, but Yassia still felt a tiny prick of some stinging feeling she could not even name. Why was Oliver making it so difficult for her?
”If you have spoken to him…”, she hesitantly began, unsure if she really should voice what was practically burning on her tongue, “…did he… say something? Or did he appear different?”

She shook her head at herself quickly, heaving another sigh. “Forget I asked that, it was stupid. No, what I really wanted to know is: How well is the ‘very well’ you know him? I mean… what kind of man is he? I must admit I can’t tell you anymore. I thought I knew him… but it turns out I did not know him at all.”

[Caitrin de Archer]

Although it was not unthinkable that Yassia had encountered Oliver under such strange circumstances, it still shocked her somewhat. It felt odd now to think that when Yassia had mentioned the huntsman to her at first that it had been Oliver all along, and both Yassia and Caitrin were non the wiser to the mans true identity. It was a rather odd situation to be faced with, Caitrin would never have thought that she would be faced with giving advice to someone who had an interest in Oliver.

She was still in shock, and she was sure that Yassia must have seen that too. Caitrin had not seen Oliver for years until tonight. Though it was fitting that he had attended Arthur's coronation, thoughts of him had not really crossed her mind until she had seen him at the festivities. There were many things that raced across Caitrin's mind when Oliver was mentioned, of course there was that one specific incident when Caitrin had been 14 and instructed to keep Oliver busy until her brother returned. That had been the start of a rather successful flirtatious career for Caitrin, and she had never really looked back, but this in a way forced her to.

Yassia's question made Caitrin falter somewhat. In truth Caitrin had not found Oliver particularly changed, but she had only exchanged a few words with him. Perhaps if she had dug deeper into his psyche she may have found some significant change. But for the time being he just seemed like typical Oliver; the charmer. Was that really what Yassia wanted to hear? Caitrin was about to answer as Yassia cut across her and put in another question. In truth that one wasn't any easier to answer. She was sure Yassia didn't want to know exactly how well Caitrin knew Oliver. If Yassia truly had some sort of interest in Oliver, Caitrin telling her about incidents such as the one when she was fourteen would hardly help the situation would it?

However, Yassia was Caitrin's friend, and she did not want to leave her unprepared for Oliver's advances in a way. Caitrin had no doubt that Yassia would be able to hold her own against Oliver, but perhaps she already had feelings for him. This wasn't the time to speak of these things, so Caitrin tried to search for the words to reply to her friend. "Well he was my brother Jeffrey's best friend." She explained, and looked out the window briefly. One of her earliest memories was of her looking down at the yard in front of the house from her bedroom window and seeing Oliver and Jeffrey playing in the yard. "So he was round at my father's house quite a lot." Caitrin really did not want to tell Yassia about hers and Oliver's intimacies, so she decided boldly to leave that out for the moment. "From what I remember he was quite rebellious in a way, but he knew the tricks of the trade when it came to women." She let out a small 'heh' of amusement at her own memories. Oliver certainly was the charmer and perhaps that would never change. "He was always very kind to me." Well, he had been more than just king but Yassia didn't have to know that just yet did she?

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Something was missing in this conversation, and somehow Yassia couldn’t quite ward it off with blaming it on exuberant paranoia. Was it truly just her imagination or was Caitrin holding back on something? She knew Oliver best, was there something about him she knew and didn’t want to tell her friend to not hurt her? Then again, it must be something from way back, right, as Caitrin had said she hadn’t been in Mercia for years, leaving there when she was still a teenager. So what could it be? Or was it even anything at all. Somehow, coming to Caitrin had not cleared the fog in her mind, it had only managed to deep in, making Yassia more and more confused by the second.
She tried to examine her friend’s face, read something out of the way she moved her eyes or held her overall facial expression. But of course that did not give her true answers. It just deepened the feeling that there was something Caitrin didn’t tell her. And slowly Yassia wasn’t even so sure anymore if she in fact did want to know. Maybe it had been a mistake coming to ask after all?

Then she gave herself a firm figurative kick and told herself to wise up. Only those who ask get answers, and she knew she couldn’t stay in this state of uncertainty much longer or she would suffer some perpetual brain damage. Whatever may be, she had to find out, swallowing her petty childish fear and learn to live up to reality. She already knew Oliver was not all that kind man she had come to like, he had shown her a few ugly sides of him already. So what could be possibly worse than that?
”Ah, so you more or less grew up with him”, she concluded with a little sigh. That could entail much or nothing at all. Though Childhood friends surely knew much about each other. They knew each other’s weaknesses and flaws quite well. The only true childhood friend Yassia had ever had, had been Mircea. Yes, she had known him truly well for sure.
”And I don’t doubt he knows the ‘tricks of trade’ with women”, she commented, trying hard to appear unfazed, giving her voice a ‘by the by’ tone. “After all, when I stumbled across him again, he had made it his duty to please Lady Electra…” Her jawline suddenly was firmly set, but she still tried to remain calm. “I had to promise her to not tell her father, foolish girl.”

There was it again, the nagging worm of unease sneaking its way through her guts, this time fuelled by the little sound of amusement Caitrin had made and also by a certain distant look in her eyes. There was more to this story… ther had to be.
”Knowing you and your carefree ways, I’m sure you got on quite well with Oliver back then”, she stated, again trying hard to mask her feelings. Even if so… it was nothing to her, now was it? Oliver and Caitrin could do whatever they pleased… and now Caitrin had Griff anyway… And she might just be chasing shadows…
”How kind, eh?” Was it her own voice that held this teasing, almost chuckling tone? It felt oddly detached from the rest of her body - and especially her mind.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin didn’t really want to tell Yassia how kind Oliver had been to her, and she suspected that Yassia didn’t want to hear the answer. Caitrin was usually good at masking her feelings and thoughts, but Yassia was a close friend, so it was right that she sensed some unease. There was no real use in denying things had come to pass between her and Oliver if Yassia directly asked her. She smiled softly as Yassia said that Caitrin must have known Oliver quite well. Now that was all a long time ago, well that was six years ago. She had not really been intimately involved with Oliver apart from that once; they’d both known it was a bit of fun but little more. “My carefree ways?” Caitrin repeated with some amusement. However, Yassia was certainly justified in her opinions. Caitrin wasn’t really as uptight about matters of men and the court as most women were. No, she rather took fun in writing the rules. Even when Caitrin was with Griff she had a somewhat carefree attitude to court life. She wasn’t out to impress anyone now was she? She had Griff and that was all she needed now. People could think that they liked, but she was Caitrin de Archer, and soon she would be Caitrin Aubert; the engagement ring on her finger confirmed that.

She let out another small smile and looked back to her friend. Could she honestly lie to her? It had been a long time ago so was it really relevant now? Yassia might think it was still relevant, but honestly Caitrin saw Oliver as nothing more than an old friend right now. She had Griff, she didn’t need any other men to even suggest to be in her life. She decided against answering Yassia’s question directly, as it would only lead to more ambiguity, “We were quite close. He was round at my fathers estate quite a lot of the time.” She paused, she supposed Yassia already thought that something had passed between her and Oliver during her time in Merica. Perhaps Caitrin could put those worries to bed though in a few words. “But I have not seen him since I left Mercia oh, five years ago now, until tonight. I have changed a great deal from the girl I was, but it seems he has not.” That should be enough to know that there was nothing between Caitrin and Oliver that was not honourable. He was a close friend; nothing more.

This however was deviating from the topic, Yassia had not come here to see if Catrin saw Oliver in a more romantic and less honourable light. No, she had come here to seek Caitrin’s advice, and now Caitrin felt rather guilty for allowing the focus to shift onto her somewhat. “What is it that is troubling you friend?” Caitrin asked softly and took one of Yassia’s hands. She wanted her to know that whatever was troubling her, whatever she needed help with, Caitrin would be there to help her friend as best she could.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Caitrin was not helping Yassia with her evasive behavior, in fact, she rather made it worse! Nothing is worse than when something is left to imagination, as the mind always heightens the possibilities of every bad outcome to a maximum, until you believe the worst to be the truth and not only speculation. It was in fact a very subtle yet effective kind of torture and Yassia had been prey to it too often to be able to deal with it rationally. There was something about this whole topic that had made her touchy from the start, and Caitrins half-comments and glances and sighs and whatever it was escaping her, formed a very ugly picture in Yassia’s mind.
Oh, she could see it now, see it all!! Caitrin and Oliver, they were truly made for each other! Fooling around and sucking the marrow out of life for all it was worth, none of their dalliances ever meant anything to them! That was why Oliver was so annoyed to see her! Not because he thought she had lied to him, but because it was inconvenient for him to stumble over a face again he had lied to in his sweet poisonous words. And SHE had been the one feeling shabby! SHE had tortured herself with keeping her true identity concealed while he had apparently poured his heart out to her a year ago.

But it all had been nothing but petty lies! She should have known it the minute she had seen him with Lady Electra! He was a philanderer, nothing more! Someone who didn’t deserve the rank and title of a prince! And Caitrin… yes Caitrin probably was laughing at her inwardly now, for being so naïve as to fall for him! She said they had met at the coronation? Oh, she had quite possibly taken over where Lady Electra had left, hadn’t she?! And afterwards they had had a good laugh about her, Oliver telling her how he had inconveniently remet one of his conquests, and Caitrin had chuckled, telling him that said stupid girl would undoubtedly turn up at her door this evening and pour her heart out. Which she now had done… stupid girl indeed!

Reason was thoroughly gone from Yassia’s mind as her anger and her confusion concocted a deadly brewage inside her that was just about to boil over. And the flashpoint was reached when Caitrin took her hand asking what was troubling her.
With a low outcry Yassia jerked her hand away and jumped to her feet. She had had enough of this duplicity! They might think her horribly naïve and prude, but she was not blind!
That what Caitrin had told her had happened six years ago did not matter to Yassia right now. She only saw the deceit… and was eaten up inside by a feeling she could not yet name: jealousy. The thought of another woman touching Oliver made her rabid with ire, no matter when it had been.

“What’s troubling me?!” she spat, her face distorted into a mask of fury. “You have the NERVE to ask me what’s troubling me?! You and Oliver, you are the perfect pair are you not?! For you this is nothing but a game! Sweet stars, Caitrin, is truly no man safe from you?! Then again, I doubt he needed much persuasion anyway!” Again the image of Oliver in the dark corner, pleasing a woman was conjured before her inner eye. But this time, the woman had Caitrin’s face.
“And women like me, they make such excellent material to scorn and fool, yes?” Her voice turned bitter. “Because we are not willing to simply take what we want, we are meant to be happy with the crumbs of the master’s table, yes? And beg on our knees for them!”

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin could see the change of emotion in Yassia's face, and it puzzled her somewhat. She had only been trying to ask what had been ailing her so much that she had sought a friend out in the late evening. That was hardly an unreasonable question was it? As Yassia pulled her hand away, and stood up, Caitrin physically flinched. The anger was clear on her friends face, so she didn't speak, nor did she stand up yet. Confrontation would only make whatever was going on with Yassia worse.

Where anger was struck across Yassia's face, nothing but confusion lined Caitrin's face. She couldn't understand what could make her friend turn so quickly on her. As Yassia began to snap at her, Caitrin raised both her eye brows at her. That probably wasn't going to help, but what Yassia was suggesting was absurd. The perfect pair...? Had Yassia completely lost it? For a few moments Caitrin just mulled over her words, but then she felt anger burn up through her. How had Yassia arrived at this conclusion so quickly? She stood up too, matching Yassia's stance and looked on at the woman, trying to keep her temper in check. Caitrin was well known for losing her temper with ease. "The perfect pair?" She repeated with hints of disgust. "Oliver is an old friend nothing more!"

The more Caitrin repeated Yassia's words in her head, the angrier she got. Was she insinuating that she would prefer Oliver over Griff? For a moment she saw nothing but red and she took a few moments to draw breath and calm herself before she spoke through gritted teeth. There were many things she could stand to be insulted about, her carefree ways were just one of them, but now Yassia was touching on Caitrin's relationship with Griff, and that was one step too far. She held up the hand with her engagement ring on it, "Unless you have forgotten, I am not marrying Oliver, nor would I ever consider it, I am marrying the man I love." Of course she meant Griff, but why would she need to add that in? Yassia knew that Caitrin loved Griff, which made it more absurd that she was now questioning if Caitrin had feelings for Oliver.

The worries about hurting Yassia's feelings about Caitrin's own experiences with Oliver were blocked from her thoughts for a few moments. Yassia clearly wanted to know what had gone on between the pair for whatever reason. It was probably jealousy. "Do you really want to know mine and Oliver's entire history? Will that truly give you satisfaction?" There was really nothing to tell. A quick kiss behind the trees of her fathers estate paled in comparison with what Caitrin had got up to with other men at court. This was utterly ridiculous.

Caitrin blinked at Yassia's latter words. What was her friend saying? That she had been making fun of her behind her back? "Yassia I have never thought you a fool." Caitrin defended bluntly. She had said some foolish things in insinuating that Caitrin still had feelings for Oliver, and vice versa, but that didn't make her a fool. She was angry, and though Caitrin could understand it, it didn't mean she thought it was fair that the anger was being directed at her. God knows how many women Oliver had had before and after his encounter with Caitrin. "Why are you acting like this?" She now asked, because this wasn't like Yassia at all. They had always enjoyed a healthy friendship and now Yassia had turned on her on the account of one encounter six years ago? Something didn't ring right in this situation to Caitrin.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

From her earliest ages on Yassia had been quite feared for he quickly upflaming temper. She had thrown tantrums ever since she was able to talk, and maybe even before that. She had inherited that dangerous trait from her father who had been as famous for his heated outbursts. The gentleness of her mother’s side had only little effect in the very moment her temper took over, it only made her regret what she had said later once the moment had past.
The moment to calm down though had not come yet for Yassia, as Caitrin’s words were just kindling the fire. What, was she supposed to believe that Caitrin and Oliver were nothing but ‘friends’?! Friends did not share intimate memories, at least not where Yassia came from. But then, she had found Albion to me more shameless in general by half… and Caitrin was sometimes the very queen of shamelessness!

“Old friends is it then, yes?!” she snarled, almost bearing her teeth like a wild animal. “That truly bestows the word friend with a thoroughly new meaning! Tell me…” she lowered her voice to a mere, angry whisper now. What she was about to say was by no means fair, it bordered on madness and even treason, but she could not stop the words coming out of her mouth. “You also often enough call Arthur your ‘friend’… now in the new light of things, what does that mean, I ask myself!”
Caitrin was now fighting back, defending her love for Griff, but it did not yet make Yassia stop and think. She was too far gone, had talked herself into a fit of rage and it would take a figurative bucket of cold water to make her stop now. And apparently Caitrin had not found that one trigger yet.
“Love!” she nearly spat it out. “Do you even know what that means?! Honestly, do you?! What do you feel when you think of Griff? Does it make you sing and scream at the same time? Would you be able to still keep his face in your heart even if you hadn’t seen him for a year? His voice, every word he said?! Would the very possibility of him loving another tear you apart and make you want to scratch the woman’s eyes out?!”

She took a deep breath, not quite knowing where these words had come from. And in her anger she was too blind to see them for what they really were: that she had just given a perfect description of her situation with Oliver.
Somehow the anger had died down a little during that last outburst and so her voice might be still sharp when she spoke again, but it was less livid. “It would give me satisfaction to know the TRUTH! I am DONE with being lied to, Caitrin! Once and for all!”

Why are you acting like this… these few simple words managed the impossible. They squeezed and wormed their way through the mess she had thrown up in her temperamental outburst, and made straight for her heart. What was she doing…? What had she said? And indeed, WHY had she snapped like this? Suddenly, everything came crashing down on Yassia and she buried her face in her hands.
“I don’t know…” she whispered hoarsely, turning away from her possibly mortally wounded friend. “Sweet stars… what have I done…”

[Caitrin de Archer]

There was now nothing but anger seeing through Caitrin. She couldn't understand why Yassia had turned on her so quickly. It certainly wasn't deserved in Caitrin's eyes; Yassia's words were utterly ridiculous. It was true that in her younger days, Caitrin had often made men dance to her tune for mere amusement, but she wasn't really that woman anymore.

"Yes, a friend." Caitrin replied irritably. Now she was adding Arthur to the list? Yes, she and Arthur had exchanged flirts in their younger days, was this to be Yassia's latest stick to beat Caitrin with. It was none of her business really what Caitrin got up to, or what relationship she had with Arthur. "Arthur is a true friend, he made my move to Camelot bearable all those years ago." She half spat at Yassia. She owed a great deal to Arthur, and she wouldn't have Yassia rubbish that because of her jealousy. "They are just friends Yassia, why can you not believe that?" Her angry words were accompanied with her small hands clenching up into fists.

Once again Caitrin could only see red. The urge to slap some sense into Yassia was burning though her but she held back. How dare Yassia even for a moment think she had the liberty to question how Caitrin felt about Griff. He had been the man who Caitrin had defended in front of Morgana, saying she would do anything rather than see Griff killed. It had been him that she had waited for for months after their argument for him to come back. Yes, she loved Griff. How could Yassia think that she could ever think that she could comment on their relationship. She stepped away from Yassia and walked away from her slightly. It was all she could do to stop herself tearing Yassia apart for daring to question if she truly loved Griff.

She almost felt herself getting upset, and angry, bitter tears. Why was Yassia speaking to her like this? She knew that she loved Griff. She'd always known it; ever since their first meeting. She finally turned back to face Yassia, her eyes red and slightly puffy. Her voice was less angry, but there was still raw bitter anger there at her friends harsh words. "I know I could never be without Griff." Her voice was slightly quiet, and she coughed as she regained her confidence, "It is love whatever you might say or think. He's the first thing I think of and the last thing at night. I don't want any other man, and if Griff no longer loved me then I know that I would live out my days as a widow. I only want him." Her eyes were still brimming with bitter angry tears and her voice was shaking, "And if you don't think that is love, then that is your fault not mine."

In Caitrin's defense, she had not lied to Yassia. She had just not been completely honest with her. Perhaps enlightening her to what had actually occurred may show her how ridiculous her words were. "Here is the truth you so desire." She was still angry, but she continued all the same, "I was fourteen years old, and with a crush on Oliver, that was all it was; a crush. He and I were alone one morning, and we shared a quick kiss or two before my father and brother returned. Since then we have not done anything that could not be considered as friendly gestures. It was the once and I was a young girl." That was it, that was all there was to it. Yassia could take it as she wanted, but Caitrin saw it as a closed incident, and there was nothing else between her and Oliver.

Although Caitrin was still seething at her friend, she noticed her words had unnerved her somewhat. Anger still ripped through Caitrin, though she felt a soft pang as Yassia buried her head in her hands, whispering something Caitrin could not quite catch. She had turned away from her, and Caitrin took a step forwards towards Yassia but did not speak. Yassia's words had hurt Caitrin in ways she probably couldn't imagine, and so she took a few moments to calm herself, and looked on at the woman who had so quickly turned on her.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

"They are just friends Yassia, why can you not believe that?"
Yes indeed, why could she not? Why could she not simply see these words as what they were, the solemn honest truth? Had Caitrin ever lied to her? She had been evasive before, yes, but lies? No, if she was truly honest with herself for just one second, she had to firmly deny that accusation. So why had she said it then? What had made these unspeakable words come out of her mouth? What had forced her to suddenly view her friend in the worst light possible? What kinds of forces were working here? Yassia hadn’t thought it possible to become even more confused than she already was, but now she was simply completely lost. This was not her, right, this COULD not be her! Slowly realization crept up on Yassia, her mind mercilessly repeated every word she had said in anger and showed her their brutal, vile nature. She had all but called her best friend a whore, not with the descriptive word, but with everything she had accused her of!

Shame burnt in her guts like a searing fire, making her want to run and hide forever. How could she?! Every word Caitrin said to retaliate hit her like a stabbing knife, twisting and turning inside the wound she had caused herself. Oh yes, she was right! With every word! Was it already too late to make amends? Had she now lost this precious thing, this wonderful friendship they had shared? Oh curse Oliver for bringing her in such a situation!! But no… she could not shift the blame for this on him now, the fault was hers and hers alone. Her cursed temper had brought this on her own head, and now, like always, she would have to deal with the consequences. Just that this time there might be no way back.
But she had to try!!!

Caitrin’s words about Griff only now sunk in, and Yassia listened with ever growing shame. How could she have doubted her friend’s feelings for only a split second, truly, which devil had possessed her?! Caitrin would tear down walls and kill for Griff, or she would be gladly killed herself if it only saved him. There was pure and strong love for you, and she had practically stomped on it with her feet, dragging it into the dirt!
”Yes, that is love…” she whispered hoarsely, not even daring to look at Caitrin. “Of course it is love. You know more of these things than I ever will.”
For what Oliver made her feel, if anything at all truly, could not be love if it made her stoop down to such a vile and mean level. Love should raise you to the skies, bring out the best in you, not send you down the paths to hell! She should not have wanted to burden her friend with any of this, she had only made things worse now. And the stars only knew how she could fix this mess. It didn’t take much to see how hurt Caitrin was by her injust words.

Even though it should not concern her any longer, Caitrin’s explanation was still like salvation to Yassia. A crush… a kiss… sweet stars and she had imagined such grand scenes! Had even envisioned them plotting behind her back. How stupid and blind she had been! How could anyone in the whole wide world behave like such an idiot and still live with himself? Yassia truly felt like she couldn’t. If the ground had opened right now to swallow her alive to never give her back, she would have not complained. That way she at least would not have to face the consequences for her foolishness now!
Still not daring to turn back, Yassia stared into the void, trying to make her voice steady as she spoke, but failed miserably.
”I don’t know if you can ever grand that request, or if I even deserve it… but please try to forgive me Caitrin. I don’t know what came over me…” Now she impulsively turned after all, her voice adopting a pleading tone. “I am so sorry! How dare I judge you, how dare I throw your concern back in your face! You showed nothing but kindness, and I… you must believe me, I did not mean any word I said! Not one!”

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin was now torn between anguish and anger. She couldn't believe her close friend was treating her in such a way. What had she done to deserve any of this? Caitrin knew that she had make mistakes in her life, but these were not Yassia's problems. Caitrin had always tried to be a true and faithful friend, and this was now how she sought to treat her after all of this time? Perhaps the womans silence hinted that she indeed was coming round to believe that Caitrin was telling the truth, and that Arthur and Oliver were just friends. Was it so wrong for a woman to have such close male friends? Caitrin could see no issue with it, and she was still insulted that Yassia had insinuated that there was more going on than Caitrin was letting on. How many men would Yassia have supposed Caitrin was stringing along? Caitrin knew she wasn't that woman anymore, and she couldn't believe that Yassia was even giving these thoughts any weight.

As Yassia confirmed that what Caitrin felt towards Griff was love, the woman settled somewhat. She was still extremely angry, how dare Yassia question Caitrin's feelings for Griff! She had spent a week in the dungeons rather than see him fall into Morgana's hands, she would never ever let anything happen to him so long as she still had breath in her lungs. She was to be married to Griff quite soon, and Caitrin would sport the name Aubert with pride, it felt like she was on the brink of a new stage of her life. Gone would be Caitrin de Archer, the quite young, experienced carefree woman, and in her place would be Caitrin Aubert. Although she knew her attitudes would not change that much over such a short period of time, she would now only be directing her attentions to one man. And that man would be the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, no matter what Yassia supposed to be true. "Yassia you know that I love Griff; what would ever possess you to think otherwise?" She now asked, the anger dissolving from her voice though it was obvious from her tone that she was still hurt from Yassia's earlier words.

Yassia still wasn't looking at her and Caitrin put her hand to her forehead, Jesu, was this truly what had come to pass between them? What had changed so much between them to cause Yassia to lash out in such an uncommon way? She looked back to her as Yassia spoke once more. When she asked for forgiveness Caitrin remained quiet and pressed her eyes together. "Then why did you say the words at all?" She asked quietly and looked on at Yassia. Was this what Yassia had thought of Caitrin all along? Had it been building up until one small event had pulled the trigger and allowed the truth to come out. "You have always been a true friend, and I know that this is not like you." Caitrin was somehow managing to calm down somewhat, she wasn't sure how, but being angry would not help the situation at all, "What has happened to you to make you so quickly lash out?"

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia could feel tears burning in her eyes, tears of shame but also tears of pain. It was long since she last had cried, her life had shown her that crying did not get you anywhere. It did not make people pity you, it made them to see you as weak and easy to exploit. After Vortigern had been through with her she had not shed a single tear that was not born out of physical pain. But this situation right here and now, fearing her stupid words had lost her one of the few friends she had, made her want to just melt down and cry her heart out. But it could not be. Not yet. First she needed to find a way to redeem herself. There was no saying how much she had destroyed with a few well-placed words and what of it could still be prepaired. But she had to try, and for that she had to stoop deep down into the abyss of her soul, giving Caitrin the genuine answers she deserved. She had to find out what had made her lash out at her friend like this. Because nothing but the sole truth would be the sealant that might be able to heal what had been broken.

And so she descended deep down, searching her soul thoroughly, unearthing every feeling she had towards this situation. And beyond. She knew she had to go back further, maybe even back to her first conversation with Caitrin ever. When she had first heard about Caitrin being in love with Griff. Yes, she remembered it now. She had felt happy for Caitrin of course, but there had been a prick of another feeling as well, one she had not been able to place back then. It had intensified once she had tried to tell her own story. Yassia and the huntsman Oliver. A thing that never could work out…
She recognized this feeling now to be the same she had felt just minutes ago, but compared to the state it had been in months ago,now it had been a roaring thunderstorm. What was this feeling? It had to be the cause of everything, she was now sure of it.

What would ever possess you… what would ever possess you… and suddenly it was so clear, so crystal clear. Like a veil had been liften from her eyes, Yassia saw every detail sharp in contrast, saw a clear line leading back towards her first conversation with Caitrin, and suddenly she could also bestow a name on it all. It was no wonder she had not been able to name it before… as she had never had any reason to feel it.
”Jealousy…” it was not more than a hoarse whisper. “I was jealous all along… because you have what I always wanted in my life, Caitrin…”
She now started to pace back and forth agitately, moving her hands while she tried to make sense of every new revellation, and her voice rose with excitement with every word. “Back then, when you first told me of Griff… I had just experienced a feeling close to love, but I had to abstain from it. A princess and a huntsman… it could have never worked out.”

She heaved another long sigh and raked her hand through her hair, stopping in her pacing for once. “This whole day was about jealousy as well, I see it now. Arthur was being crowned temporary king… while I don’t know if I ever can become queen to my people… And then I saw Oliver again… It was all too much, I guess. But damn me, how could I have been so selfish!!! Dragging you down with me to my mean level is inexcuseable! Please Cait… try to forgive me… if you can…” her voice trailed off and she shook her head sadly.

[Caitrin de Archer]

As Yassia admitted her motive for her actions, Caitrin faltered somewhat. It took a strong woman to admit such things, especially in front of such a close friend. She didn't know what to say for a few moments. She had never intended to make Yassia jealous, that had been probably the opposite of what she had wanted to do. She had merely wished to share her experiences with her friend, so she could see why she was so happy. Back when Caitrin had first become friends with Yassia, she had been quite a lovestruck woman, and though she was still completely head over heels for Griff, she was a little more refined in what passed her lips. Perhaps she should have been more careful from the start which what she had been saying in front of Yassia. The feelings of anger had been replaced with guilt. Jesu, she hadn't meant to cause so much harm. "I'm sorry, I never meant to make you jealous." She said softly and took a small step towards Yassia.

Caitrin couldn't really relate to the jealousy, because she had never had to struggle for love, or become conflicted by it. She knew that she would be insanely jealous if Griff ever treated another woman in a similar way, but she had not yet experienced that. But then there was something else, had she hinted of feelings of love? Then it hit Caitrin, was Yassia in fact in love with Oliver. Her eyes widened somewhat, not out of shock but more out of blindness, how had she not seen this in her friend before this moment? Love indeed could cause many different emotions, and Caitrin was sure Yassia was feeling quite a lot of those emotions right now.

Listening to Yassia now, it was clear to see what had caused this. In truth Caitrin had not even thought to make the connection to Arthur's coronation and Yassia's own kingdom, it had been pushed to the back of her mind. Not in a cruel way, but because her thoughts had been somewhat preoccupied with Camelot's shift in King. Caitrin now took another step towards Yassia, now she could understand why her friend had acted in such a way she could see what was truly wrong with her. Of course it was the typical case of everything happening at once. Although Caitrin was still unhappy that Yassia's words had been directed at her, and she was annoyed at the details she had disclosed in her rants, Caitrin felt herself calming down somewhat.

Caitrin ran another hand through her hair and didn't quite know what to do. Yassia's earlier words still rung through her mind, about her stringing along Oliver and Arthur, and questioning her love for Griff. However, there was also the niggling fact that Yassia was a dear friend to her, and Caitrin knew that she was acting completely out of character. "Yassia you are a dear friend to me, and I will forgive you as long as you promise your earlier words were false." Caitrin was not a fool, she would not stand here and be mocked openly about past mistakes by anyone. She wanted to make sure that Yassia was truly repentant about her earlier words.

Caitrin then shifted herself to sit in the seat she had only recently given up. She looked up at Yassia, hoping she would once again take the chair opposite her. There was still so much to be said on this matter, and for the time being Caitrin hoped that Griff wouldn't just walk in on the pair of them. "Tell me about Oliver; in your eyes." She said softly, perhaps this would help Yassia understand her own emotions; talking always helped. "If you want to that is." That bit was important, she wasn't pressurising Yassia to tell her anything that she didn't want to, "You said that you had experienced a feeling close to love?" Caitrin reminded Yassia softly, but accompanied it with a friendly smile. She wanted to know her friends true emotions on this matter. Truly if Yassia did have feelings for Oliver, then the man was the luckiest in all of Albion.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

After she had finished with her impulsive explanation, Yassia just stood there, trembling with agitation. Admitting this, going so deep down and unearthing the darkest sentiments of her soul had shook her to the bone, not only because it had surprised her herself what she had found there. And there also was the omnipresent fear that even this would not be enough to win back Caitrin’s trust and favor. Jealousy… it was such a mean and base motive to do something, and yet it apparently had triggered all this. Yassia once had heard a saying: ‘Sometimes when you look into yourself you will find it to be a mirror to your heart. And many won’t like at all what they see.’
It had just been like this with her. The face she had seen in the mirror had been a distorted mask of what she wanted to be. She had never thought herself to be so guided by base motives. She had never known that jealousy could gnaw at your soul like a woodworm and cave it until only the pleasant exterior was seen while the inside was thoroughly rotten. Now she knew, and it scared her.

She felt another twinge of guilt when it was suddenly Caitrin who started apologizing. For MAKING her jealous? Sweet stars, that was thoroughly beside the point! Even if Caitrin had given her reasons to be jealous, she simply should have had the grandeur to overlook it! Be happy for her friend! Not always wishing the best for herself! There were people far worse off, she had seen enough of them on her travels. Apparently she had not learned as much as she had hoped. So much for becoming a better person!
”Don’t apologize Caitrin, the fault is entirely mine!” she disagreed firmly, shaking her head. “You did not WANT to make me jealous, you simply wanted to share your happiness. And it is horrible of me to not accept that but see only what I lack. I wish you and Griff all joy and happiness on earth, you must believe me when I say this!”

Caitrin was walking a few hestitant steps towards her now, and though Yassia was sure she had not been entirely forgiven yet, the relief about this simple gesture that was a start into the right direction, made her eyes suddenly well up. Silently a few tears were streaming down her face and she started to tremble even more. Could this really be true? Would Caitrin be so gracious as to draw a line under what had been said? Could Yassia’s outburst really be forgiven?
”I promise you with all my heart, Caitrin”, she replied, her voice quivering. “The real me would never think of you like that, not in a thousand years! Your ways might not be mine sometimes, but you do nothing wrong. In fact, I even admire you for your ease sometimes.”

Getting back now to where they had been before was not easy, even less as it brought all those conflicting emotions back into the forefront of Yassia’s mind. The short sequence when she had been more concerned with the destruction her temper had caused had nearly made the real problem vanish from her mind. Now it was back with full force, and Yassia fell heavily on the seat beside Caitrin, moving a hand over her face once more, to wipe away the tears and to regain some sort of composure. She would need it for what was to come.
”Yes… of course I want to. That’s why I came here after all.” A sheepish grin flickered over her face. Oh yes, she had surely not come here to call her friend all kinds of ugly names…
Sighing again, she continued. “Love… I’m not so sure anymore if I can really fill this word with its true meaning. It’s just so complicated. I didn’t tell you everything about my first meeting with Oliver back then, because I wanted to forget it. I wanted to stop myself from dreaming. But this day… even though it caused me much physical pain, must have been the best day of my life. Oliver was just so… perfect.” She shook her head sadly.

”Now… I find him all changed and I am not sure what to make of that. Where he was nice, he now only eyes me with contempt. His words are outwardly courteous but they sting like knives. He hates me… but I’m not even sure why.”