For The Love of a Wife

[Arthur Pendragon]

There were no words to describe Arthur's emotions right now. He was hurt, confused, worried and so many other things that were difficult to vocalize. He had wanted to see his father, to tell him so many things, yet when they were reunited, it was Uther who had done the scolding; and left Arthur no opportunity to speak. Though even then, there was not much to say. He could defend his actions only to an extent, for it was clear his father would never understand what he was trying to do; what he was trying to build Camelot into. It was not the same kingdom his father had ruled over . . . it was Arthur's kingdom. One based on equality, not fear. Arthur wanted to think the best of his father . . . wanted to remember the words he spoke to him as he held him, dying in his arms. Yet now, all he could remember what everything he had said and done recently. And trying to harm those who Arthur most cared about. Even willing to harm Arthur in the process.

Percival was fine with no training, but it seemed Guinevère had taken more of the attack. It was clear his father held a strong dislike -- which in itself was an understatement -- for her . . . but that in no way made Arthur regret his decision to marry her. Nor regret his decision to knight commoners. Or create a round table to represent what he was triyng to establish in the kingdom: equality among all. After Uther's spirit was cast back, Guinevère was moved to their chambers. She had remained with Gaius, for it was safest for her there . . . yet now there were no more vengeful spirits after her. Arthur sat in the chair near the bed, waiting for her to wake up . . . knowing that she would -- as Gaius had said -- yet it would cause him great relief to see her conscious again. Besides, he had a lot of explaining to do for the one secret he kept from her, nearly cost her her life.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère's dreams were odd, and for the most part it was the smell of smoke that she could almost feel. Slowly forcing her eyes opened, she was relived when it was clear. Yet breathing too hard seemed to hurt. Her chest was tight, and it took slower deeper breaths to get enough air rather then the quicker ones she wanted.

Upon opening her eyes she noticed that she had arrived in her chambers after all. Odd, she thought she feel in the kitchens after coming from visiting an elder woman who did not have long left, nor much family to help her. "Arth--thur," She spoke his name in a bit of a broken breath, but it was becoming easier already to breathe.

What had happened? Were they attacked? She wasn't a fool, things did not fly open and at others randomly. Had it been magic? Morgana! Had she attacked the castle. "Is every one--alright?" She asked trying to clear her mind, and taking in the grateful sight that he was find as well.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur noticed her stir a little and his attentions were immediately raised . . . not that they weren't before. He just pushed away all the thoughts that had caused him to deeply reflect and instead, focus entirely on her. Seeing her open her eyes was as predicted: an extreme relief. He gave a small, soft smile, feeling like he could breathe again knowing that she would be alright. While Gaius as of course the most knowlegdable and experienced physician . . . his words were no comfort compared to being able to actually see it with his own eyes. "Everyone's fine," he answered softly. He gently brought his hand to her forehead, gently stroking it. "How are you feeling?" He asked, for that was the most important thing right now.

He wasn't sure what had happened that had led her to being in a burning room . . . but he could imagine. And yet hated to. His father's actions proved that he cared not about Arthur's happiness. That it didn't matter to him whether Guinevère was a strong queen or not; because Uther would never be able to see past the rank. Arthur had believed that his father loved him beyond everything and anything . . . yet now he knew it was not true. Apart from the more obvious reasons of Guinevère getting hurt and Percival getting stabbed, Arthur also regretted his actions because . . . he would have rather had a more positive memory of his father, rather than what he now knew about his thoughts and actions.

[Guinevère]

Her heart hurt, and she wanted to life her hand to touch it, but she knew if she did then Arthur would worry. Did she had a bump? Had something hit her? "I feel alright, a bit tired, but oddly awake at the same time." Did that even make since? Looking around she noticed it was day light, "How long have I been asleep?"

She recalled walking home, and even up to her chambers. Yet she knew that she didn't make it here. Everything was coming back to her and she looked at her Arthur with a bit of wide eyes. "Was Camelot attacked?" She asked him, trying to figure out what had happened. "I've not felt anything like that since . . . . " The doracas and when she had been left for dead. "For many years now."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur was relieved to hear that she wasn't in any massive pain, though there was still some medicine here that would help with it, as well as a draft that would help her sleep through the next few nights -- however long it took her to recover. "Just about a day," he told her. Thankfully, Merlin and him had gotten to the spirit that night . . . for he feared to think what other damage his father would have done had he been given more time. She asked if Camelot was attacked and . . . well, in a way it had been. But not in the way she was thinking. Plus, he didn't want to overwhelm her right now with all he would have to eventually explain.

"Don't worry Guinevère. Camelot is safe and everyone is well. Apart from worried about their queen," he said, not really joking about that. After all, she was the only one who was severely wounded. "Just rest for now," he told her, not wanting her to worry or stress over the kingdom or people. She needed to take time to let herself heal. "Are you feeling hungry? Thirsty?" Anything he could get for her, as he had dismissed Rosa so that he could be here when she awoke. And with that, he wanted to tend to her as well.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère wondered what had happened while she was sleeping. "Water, please." She asked for, and then moved to try to sit up against the head board. While she wanted for Arthur to get her some water she spoke again about what had happened. "But before, was Camelot attacked?"

"What had happened? I . . . . I think I was attacked." Yet not one had been there. "I didn't see anyone but I could feel someone dragging me." It was an odd feeling, and even thinking on it she felt terrified. "I feared for what might be attacking the city, knowing that Percival had described something similar. He said he thought someone was near, but no one was. I felt the same."

[Arthur Pendragon]

When she asked for water, Arthur reached over for the pitcher, pouring some in a cup and then adjusted her pillow so that she could sit up better. He then moved the cup to her lips, waiting for her to be ready before tilting it so that the liquid went into her mouth. The more of her strength she saved, the better. She began to describe what had happened -- being dragged which only made Arthur feel worse about the entire thing. He knew he had to tell her . . . and wondered if she would be upset. Perhaps the more important question to be asked, is how upset she would be. Would it be the secrecy? Not telling her about his intentions? Not telling her . . . anything about what he was thinking in fact. He wanted to wait until she was feeling better, yet knew that she would want to what had happened, as she had a right to know everything.

"It was a spirit," he said, knowing that did not even cover the half of him. "It will no longer be a threat," he continued, equally ambiguous. He went silent for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts . . . trying to figure out how best to start this, and still debating if this was the right time. "Guinevère . . . " He paused yet again, looking at her, still experiencing that relief that she was alright, and fear of nearly losing her -- at the hands of his father. "There is much I need to tell you. And though I would prefer to wait until you are fully recovered . . . I fear, that I can not answer your questions without explaining everything." So it would depend on if she wanted answers now, or later.

[Guinevère]

Arthur explained some but his words and his manner said there was more to the story. She wondered if he again blamed himself for the actions of others, as he did in most things. It worried her that he would do so, and this time she was injured and she knew it would be worse. He took everything to heart, and while it made him a good man, she wished it was a burden she could ease.

"Then I shall rest easy knowing my husband has made the kingdom safe once again, and no harm will come to me or the others." Guinevère spoke after her drink of water, and smiled reassuring. "I knew you would protect me, us all. It was never a doubt, that all I had to do was get to you or find you and I would be safe." It was what she often said, and meant every single time.

"I feel rested, if you wish to talk, but if you instead wish to just sit with me, I would enjoy that as well."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Guinevère spoke of how he had made the kingdom safe, how he had protected her . . . when it was not true. None of it was true, for this time, it had been completely his fault that she and the others were endangered. Not because of failed security, but because of who he was and what he had done with the kingdom that his father so strongly disapproved of. Part of him really wanted to believe that Uther would not have actually killed him . . . but clearly, he did not know what he was capable of. "No," Arthur said in a low whisper, barley able to be heard. Guinevère had not been safe with him . . . she had nearly died because he married her. Percival had nearly died because Arthur had knighted him. The people he cared about the most, had been put in danger and this time it was not his sister to blame, but his father.

What kind of family did he have? Clearly not a very loving or supportive one. "I um . . . " How did he explain it? Where did he begin? He knew it was cowardly to evade the subject . . . but . . . no. He needed to tell her. "I have not been entirely honest with you Guinevère." That much he knew. He would take the blame for that, just as he would for the harm that had come to her. "Merlin and I encountered a woman who was accused of sorcery in an outlying village. She did not recieve a just trial so I ordered her release." In a bit more of a forceful manner than he would have liked. "She did not survive through the night but she gifted me with something." A gift he wished he had never recieved. "It was a horn, with the power to summon a spirit of someone deceased." And Arthur had taken advantage of that.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère waited while he spoke of encountering a woman, whom he saved! Her heart hurt for how he could not save her, and how she had gifted him with something. From what he told her, and from what he had told her of what happened she wondered at the connection. "Magic?" She asked him, wondering if he used it or if someone had stolen it to use. Surely it was the later.

Arthur had wanted to use magic before, and his views were a bit more softer then her own. She feared magic for it had helped take her father away, and even his own. With Arthur she was a bit more unsure on his opinion of magic. "What happened to this horn?"

[Arthur Pendragon]

It was magic indeed, so to her question, Arthur gave a small nod. She had turned out to be a sorceress after all, yet Arthur did not regret his decision to order her release. He also doubted she would have revealed herself had she not been dying. Though it did not mean he wished her dead at all. He regretted what happened to her and wished he could have done more to help her. Guinevère then asked what became of this horn, and that was where things became a bit more complex. Had he been given it at another time -- apart from the anniversary of his father's death -- then perhaps he would not have been so emotionally vulnerable. But it had been that moment. His frame of mind. Just . . . everything. While he blamed no one but himself, it was the reason he had been so quick to use it.

So what became of the horn. Somerthing that was now destroyed so that the temptation would never be there again. Yet he wondered if he had summoned his mother . . . or another, if things would have ended in the same way. It seemed he had not learned his lesson from the last time he'd encouraged the use of magic to summon his deceased parent. Only this time, was the final lesson he needed. "I used it," he answered, his eyes watching her carefully to see her reaction, while his words held a tone of regret for both using it, and for not telling her any of this.

[Guinevère]

He used it? Guinevère's face was surprised for a moment before she titled her head to the side and looked at him with a bit more of a calm tone. She could already answer the first question that came to mind, about how it turned out. Clearly it had not ended as he hoped, for at least two were attacked that she knew of. Herself and Percival.

"You said nothing of this to me?" She asked, wondering why he would keep something so large from her. They had always told each other everything. When he wished to use magic the last time she had supported him even as she'd feared the outcome. She would have done it again. Her eyes looked down at her lap for a moment and she wondered if she had not be supportive enough the last time. "What happened when you used it?" Did he at least get what he wanted?

[Arthur Pendragon]

"You said nothing of this to me?" No. He hadn't. And he had made it a point to tell Merlin not to say anything to her either. He remained silent, knowing that right now -- especially now -- there were no words to excuse his actions. And he was not going to try to. He had caused so much damage to the kingdom, and more so . . . damage to his father. He knew now what he had longed feared: that he was an utter failure as a son. After a few moments of silence, she questioned what happened when he used the horn. He thought back to that moment, never having had expected to hear such harsh words from a man he'd admired and respected. He wanted to tell his father how much he loved him, but Uther had said what complete mess he'd made of Camelot. How did Arthur explain this? He took a few more moments to compose himself, before answering her second question.

"I used it to see my father," he explained. "I stepped through a veil and . . . he was there." And how Arthur wished he wasn't. How he wished he could take this all back. Then his father wouldn't have physically hurt Guinevère, and Arthur wouldn't have emotionally hurt her with all this secrecy. "He was there and he . . . " Arthur's composure was breaking and he knew it. He cleared his throat, trying to steady his voice. He slowly reached for her hand, holding it in his own though he wasn't sure if he was doing it more for her comfort or his own. When he felt his voice was strong enough, he continued. "He spoke of how he disapproved with my ruling as king." With, everything he had done since his father's death.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère felt her heart jump almost painfully at the thought of Arthur stepping through the veil. She thought of how it had been how Lancelot had died the first time but did not speak the name allowed. He could have been killed! It was a risk that she wished she had knew he was taking. Yet his next words prevented her hurt from becoming voice.

His father disapproved. Reaching her hand out,s he shifted so she could lean forward. It made her have to breath in slower to get enough air but she wanted to touch her husband to comfort him. "I am sorry you had to hear such words." She told him, "Your father loves you, more then anything. You know that. You know that he would give his life for you--and has proven it many times. When that creature challenged you years ago he drugged you to keep you safe." She did not speak the words but they both knew Uther had died for his son. "You gave him joy, Arthur. He was a hard man, but the moments when he looked human, was when he looked at you."

"Keep that in your heart. That you are loved."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Guinevère apologized, offering condolence, and Arthur knew that now, more than ever he was completely undeserving of it. He had allowed this to happen. He had kept this from her. And yet, here she was offering comfort to him. It was one of the many reasons he loved her so very much . . . her selflessness, compassion and strength never failed to amaze him. Even still, after years of knowing her and years after their wedding. "No," he said in a low whisper. "He does not love me more than the kingdom." He had knocked Arthur out and . . . who knows what he would have tried to do then. Arthur wasn't sure how he felt about anything anymore. "He tried to kill you Guinevère." He had attacked her, and left her in a room to burn. He could feel tears threatening to fall, and tried to hold him back. The pain of knowing his father would do such a thing, when he knew that his son loved her . . . it was heartbreaking. "He knows how much I love you and he . . . " Attempted to end her life.

Arthur closed his eyes, wondering how his blood relatives had turned out this way. Morgana, Agravaine, and now his father. How could they all be so dismissive of everything they had been through together. Of the years they grew up, and protected one another. His family was now Guinevère, the knights and of course Merlin. For they were clearly more family than his blood one had ever been. Opening his eyes, he looked at her. "I have never felt more loved, than when I am with you," he told her, in response to her last words . . . and especially now. His father may have died for him, and Arthur would be eternally grateful and guilty for that . . . but recent actions had opened his eyes to so much. Uther's words and attacks . . . how could Arthur say he felt loved by him? "And that is all I need," he finished. Her. Just her, because there was no one else that could even compare. "I'm so sorry Guinevère," he added, placing his hand on her cheek, not even wanting to imagine his life without her . . . and he had nearly created such a life.

[Guinevère]

"He does not love me more than the kingdom." She did not believe that, not for a moment. Uther had given his life for his son, he had broken his own rules over and over again for Arthur's protection. He had proven that he would take his army to the brink of breaking before he would give up one of his children. "He tried to kill you Guinevère." Something that he had done before, and his hate toward her did not surprise her. It only made her pity him.

"I have never felt more loved, than when I am with you," Good, for she loved him more then anyone, and she hoped he felt that. He made her feel it as well. Loved. Honored above all others. They were united. "And that is all I need," They both knew it wasn't. "I'm so sorry Guinevère," This wasn't a time to hold her feelings that his secrets had caused her against him. She was hurt yes, and still wondered why he would not have told her of such a risk, but he was hurting. He did not need more guilt.

"It is not all you need, Arthur." She told him, starting with that. "It might be all you wish you needed, but every child needs their parent's love. Uther loved you, and I do not believe he loved Camelot more. I watched him for years. After falling in love with you, I watched him with you. Arthur he smiled more when you were there, and he would have done anything if it meant you would live. He gave his life for you, because he loved you."

"Whatever has happened to give you doubts . . . . You cannot put them before what you know in your heart. This is magic, Arthur. Something neither of us can begin to understand. What if it changed him? Or only let apart of him come here? We knew Uther would never approve of us, but that does not mean he does not love you. The knights were more then a year before he died. He even dined at your birthday with them around, and said nothing. What if it only let his hate come here? What if it kept his love away?"