Start As We Mean To Go On [Gwaine]

[Deleted]

Iwas was actually surprised that Gwaine was taking this seriously. Of course he knew that Gwaine was a good fighter, and obviously there was something about him that seemed to give Arthur the impression that he'd make a good knight (regardless of his background, it seems), but Iwan was still half expecting the man to complain and try to get him involved in another game of I Spy. He was rather taken aback, especially whe the man shrugged, as though such a reply was to be expected. Iwan was not so relaxed. "Well...that's actually quite a good idea." He admitted, rather surprised at his own admission. Maybe Gwaine wasn't as useless as he'd thought, but it would still take more than a little good idea - prompted by Iwan - to make him worthy of being a knight in Iwan's eyes.

It seemed Gwaine was not going to let go of this obsession he had with Iwan's personal life. Surely his own was much more interesting? Gwaine had quite the reputation and he hadn't got that by speculating about Iwan's. He didn't want a woman. He had enough responsibilities and expectations as he was. And even if he did, Gwaine was the last person he'd discuss such matters with. "No. I don't." He replied, the irritation thick in his voice. Hadn't Gwaine realised that by now? Maybe he was hoping if he kept talking about Iwan would eventually give in. Maybe it was easier to.

"Maybe I could arrange something for you if you wanted?"

Iwan turned sharply to look straight at the man. The very idea! Was the man insane? His expression was a mixture of shock and horror as he tried to completely comprehend just what Gwaine meant, but he feared his first conclusion was the correct one. Iwan was a knight of Camelot - he most certainly did not engage in that sort of thing. "No! Absoutely not! Why would you even think that?!" It was obvously not a suggestion well met.

[thegwaine]

In a way Gwaine was insulted at the tone in Iwan’s tone when he spoke about the plan he had suggested. Honestly, he wasn’t just a knight because of his good looks, though that did help quite a lot. Gwaine knew how to handle situations like this, sort of. Iwan probably hadn’t realised that Gwaine was going to use this to see what the villages had to offer in terms of women. He would make sure he questioned all the women who were distressed of course, so he could offer them a shoulder to cry on. Heh, he was already forming the scene in his head, but Iwan didn’t need to know any of that, because at the moment he was enjoying the smug feeling that Iwan’s words had given him. “Well what else did you expect?” Gwaine asked him with a raised eye brow and chuckled softly, “We’re nearly there anyway, we should question the villagers then just form a plan from that, then it’s less of a suicide mission, don’t you think?”

Gwaine was still confused, what man didn’t want a woman to find him attractive? For a moment he thought that Iwan could just be winding him up for the sake of it. But he couldn’t see any sense of jest in his face. He was being serious? Bloody hell. He stopped for a moment and just looked at Iwan with a look of genuine shock, “Why on earth wouldn’t you want a woman to find you attractive?” He was struggling to get his head around this. There was nothing better than a woman to warm your bed at the end of the day, and though Gwaine wasn’t in the habit of deflowering women for fun, he still had his days off. Iwan was starting to intrigue him, which wasn’t a good thing for the man in general because he just didn’t seem to make sense in the slightest.

Gwaine, in truth, just wanted to stand and laugh at Iwan’s reaction to his words. He’d never seen anyone look so insulted at being forced to spend a night between the sheets with a young woman. He might even enjoy himself. Maybe he was just nervous, after all, he probably hadn’t had any experiences with women before this point. Maybe he never would, well that would be shame wouldn’t it. “Have you ever had a woman before?” He asked rather crudely, but he was actually interested to see if Iwan’s fear’s about women was because of some sort of experience, or whether he really wasn’t interested.

[Deleted]

Gwaine had already managed to ruin it. Iwan rolled his eyes at the man's comment. Did he really want to know what else he expected? They probably didn't have time. This didn't stop Iwan from making a list in his head though. Lists were nice, they gave him something to focus on when the alternative was listening to Gwaine. Unfortunately, Iwan couldn't ignore the fact that the fellow knight's plan did seem the most sensible. No doubt his next suggestion would be for him to make sure all the village's women were in no danger. Personally, he couldn't see where the attraction lay. Gwaine was far too scruffy and really needed to cut his hair. Maybe some women liked that thing the...peasanty look...hmm, very odd.

His thoughts were wandering, and not in a particularly helpful direction, he gave his head a small, quick shake before focussing on the task at hand again. This was not a time to start wondering Gwaine's appeal to women. It was a time to start thinking through a proper plan of action. "I assume you will be questioning the more...feminine villagers." He asked with a raised eyebrow and a rather disapproving look. This was surely Gwaine's plan - he didn't come out with proper plans without having an ulterior motive.

Why was it so important whether Iwan wanted to go around jumping on woman? Maybe this was just Gwaine trying to talk about something other than the mission. Or he just saw this was something Iwan didn't want to talk about and so was motivated to push this farther. Either way, Iwan didn't particularly want to discuss his love life, or lack of it, with Gwaine. And it was starting to annoy. "Because I am not controlled by my libido." Iwan snapped. Usually he wasn't one to lose his temper but Gwaine was managing to bring out the best of it.

Unsurprisingly, Iwan didn't particularly want to answer that question. Did Gwaine not know anything about privacy? He bit the inside of his lip. Gwaine wouldn't let him not answer that question. After a moment or two of glaring, he sighed. What did it really matter whether he'd been with a woman or not? And, quite frankly, that question could have been phrased a little better. Gwaine might not have much respect for women but Iwan did. "No, no I haven't, not that it's any of your business." There, he'd answered his damn question. What more did the man want?

[thegwaine]

There couldn’t be much longer to go until they reached the village. Gwaine felt like he had spent a lifetime already in Iwan’s company, and it had only been an hour or so. Iwan just seemed to be constantly annoyed with him, and although he knew he wouldn’t exactly hit it off with the man, but he hadn’t expected it to be this bad. How irritating. It was hard to be cheery and jokey when Iwan was in such a bad mood all the time.

Damn, how had he already been sussed out? That was quite disappointing in a way and Gwaine just looked on at Iwan with a smug sort of smile. After all, Gwaine didn’t care if Iwan had figured out his little plan or not yet, he would still be implementing it. “Well, unless you think they’d fall for your charm over mine?” He asked with raised eye brows. He doubted Iwan would be able to extract information from the women in the same way he would. Really, Gwaine would leave no stone unturned, and Iwan should appreciate that fact. He wouldn’t allow himself to become distracted for very long, he was well aware they had a mission to complete, but he also couldn’t help wanting to try out a few of his charms and tricks on the locals.

The fact Iwan snapped shouldn’t have amused Gwaine so much. He probably enjoyed winding up his fellow knight a bit too much. Iwan just made it too easy and too enjoyable. He suppressed a laugh, mainly because he was a bit too amused that Iwan had said ‘libido’. Honestly, he really didn’t have a high opinion of him did he? If Gwaine cared, he would have tried to change Iwan’s opinion of him, but he didn’t, so he wouldn’t. “I control my libido, nothing control’s my particular impulses.” Heh, that made little sense, but he was just aiming to make Iwan feel as uncomfortable as he could manage. “So what controls you? Because it certainly isn’t your libido.” He asked rather curiously, seeing what other reactions he could pull from Iwan. He wouldn’t get this chance again anytime soon so he was taking full advantage of it now.

Well that was the reason he was so bloody uptight about everything. He was clearly just tense. All he needed was a woman to give him a night between the sheets, and he would be as right as rain, he might even smile. He just looked at Iwan, in an almost pitying way, did he know what he was missing? “Saving yourself for marriage eh?” Gwaine asked, nudging his arm in a jesting sort of way. He was trying to lighten the mood as well, while still winding Iwan up. Hmm, that wouldn’t work in the slightest and Iwan would end up hitting him. He took a step away just for his own protection, he could probably hold his own against Iwan, he was confident in his own abilities.

[Deleted]

Iwan would never understand Gwaine's obsession with fairer sex, or why the man thought they were obsessed with him. He would have said something, had he not been too annoyed with Gwaine making a joke about something serious again. Contrary to what ideas Gwaine had got into that enormous head of this, they weren't here to discuss his sexual prowess (such as it was). They were here to make sure the villagers weren't in any danger. A pettier man would see this as a perfect oppurtunity to ruin Gwaine's fun by telling him to question all the men, or all the women over forty. But they didn't have time for that inevitable argument, so Iwan was just going to have to let Gwaine question the women. At least it would keep him busy for a while.

"I have charms." Iwan said, ever so slightly offended, and slightly embarrassed that this should offend him. Just because he didn't go around throwing himself at every woman who walked by didn't mean that some of them weren't interested. Not that that mattered anyway, becauuse regardless of whether they were interested, he wasn't. He also wasn't quite sure what point he was trying to make, but he certainly didn't like Gwaine just assuming things about him. He could be charming, he just didn't see it as the most important thing in the world. There.

Iwan just looked at him in confusion, not entirely sure whether that sentence made sense or not. Before he had time to try and work this out however, his expression changed to a mixture of embarrassment and annoyance. Now it was his libido that was being mentioned. He wasn't even sure if he had one. There was never time for anything like that, he was always far too busy with his duties and trying to keep Camelot's admin under control. "A sense of propiety mainly." Iwan replied, surprised that Gwaine even had to ask. Surely it was obvious why Iwan behaved the way he did? He, unlike so many of Camelot's inhabitants, behaved the correct way.

Gwaine nudging him was certainly not appreciated. The young knight slowly looked down at where his companion had made contact, an almost pained expression on his face. He supposed Gwaine was trying to be friendly, it wasn't working. Iwan was far too annoyed with the subject matter for that. Couldn't they discuss something else? Anything else. "No," he said firmly, part of him wondering why he was even bothering to discuss this. It really wasn't any of Gwaine's business. "I just haven't...felt the need."

[thegwaine]

Iwan could stand there and talk the talk, but until he backed up his pretty little words with a few actions, Gwaine was going to stand here and continue to wind him up. He had no evidence to show he had charms of any sort. Gwaine could comfortably call on half of Camelot’s women to prove he had charms, Gwen included. They didn’t always work, but he could say he had the charms to call upon if he did want to try them on a woman. He folded his arms, and his eyes ran over Iwan, as if he was sizing the man up. “Really? Like what?” That wasn’t worded amazingly, hmm. Really, all Gwaine wanted to do now, if they weren’t so busy saving villagers from whatever monster they were on their way to fight, was take Iwan to the nearest tavern and watch him try his charms on the locals. Maybe he could get him to charm a few women in the village, now that would be amusing. Wait, they were supposed to be saving those locals, not emotionally scarring them for life. Hmm. He was sure he would figure something out eventually. “So tell me, how would you woo a woman?”

Right so they were going to have to figure out some sort of plan for this village when they did get there. Gwaine was sure he could see the gentle rising of smoke from behind the trees they were approaching. That had to be the village, the sound of children screaming and men and women going about their daily business also bound into his ears. It always struck him that the people of Camelot were quite resilient in the face of danger, they never seemed to let anything bother them. Then again, if they did then nothing would ever get done; there never seemed to be a dull day in Camelot.

Propriety, well that was a very Iwan-esque answer wasn’t it. He should have just said that he was incredibly boring and got it out of the way. Gwaine had often observed that Iwan seemed quite into doing everything by the book, and in line with the rules. It was an ideology which Gwaine couldn’t identify with at all. After all, his whole life had been going against the rules and doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted before he had come to Camelot, “You should let your hair down a little, you know, you might even enjoy yourself.” Gwaine was chuckling again, but his grin was cut short at Iwan’s next words.

Never felt the need...? Gwaine just stopped again and raised his eye brows. Was there something wrong with the man? He needed his head examining! Who had never felt the need to lie with a woman? Women were beautiful creations of nature, ones which Gwaine used to his full advantage, “Are you being serious?” He asked, only half laughing because he was starting to get genuinely concerned about Iwan’s lack of libido.

[Deleted]

There were some times in life when Iwan should just smile and go along with whatever was happening or being said. Usually he was quite good at that, but Gwaine was managing to bring out the worst in him, and seemed determined to embarrass him in the process. What did it matter to him whether Iwan could woo a woman or not? It didn't matter to Iwan one bit. It was just...weird, for lack of a better word, that Gwaine should care. Weird and irritating, but then that was probably the best way to describe Gwaine. It was only fitting that his actions should be seen as such. "With a great deal more respect for her sex then you, I imagine. If I were to woo a woman it would be because I had a...certain admiration for her. And not because I wanted a change of scenary for the night." Gwaine didn't woo women - that implied that he was looking for more than very short term company. He seduced them and that was something Iwan was more than happy to admit knowing nothing about.

Iwan raised his eyebrows at Gwaine's words. Did he really look like the sort of person to "let his hair down"? Rowan and Ciaran had been trying to make him do that since...well, practically since they could talk. If they couldn't acheive it in twenty years, Iwan highly doubted Gwaine's ability to achieve it with one sentence. It was a long held opinion of Iwan's that there was nothing wrong with the way he behaved or thought. Someone in Camelot had to uphold its traditions and follow its rules, otherwise there would just be chaos. "And "letting my hair down" is synonymous with being a cad? I will be keeping it firmly up, thank you very much."

It looked as though the nature of this conversation was not going to improve. Gwaine seemed determined to make Iwan come round to his way of thinking. His determination was completely in vain, however. As he had said, he understood the meaning of self-control, and that was no bad thing. It was rather offensive, the way Gwaine carried on as though the only way to behave, the only way to see yourself was in direct correlation to how much of a libertine you were. "No, I'm lying." Iwan replied, his annoyance wasn't lessening any. "I've been with hundreds of women, thousands. Does that make it better? Can we stop this conversation now?"

[thegwaine]

Gwaine raised his eye brows at Iwan, which was something which seemed to be happening quite a lot at the moment. Really the man had Gwaine all wrong. Just because he wooed many women didn’t mean that he didn’t respect them. No, he would never woo a woman he didn’t respect, and his attentions were only usually kept by said woman if she had something about her. “I do respect women.” He replied, rather insulted that Iwan could think otherwise. Gwaine did always respect the women he was wooing, he wasn’t like some men who would take without asking, no, Gwaine had more self-respect than that, and it was silly for Iwan to suggest otherwise. It was interesting how Iwan had only said ‘if’ he would woo a woman, implying that he never would. How terribly boring of him, he really had no idea what he was missing, and it was almost pitiful to watch. “If you woo a woman? Why, have you never done so before?” He asked rather smugly, sure that he already knew the answer to that.

It would have bothered Gwaine, being called a cad, if it weren’t true. He didn’t care what Iwan thought anymore in all truth, why should he care after all? Gwaine just shrugged at him, “Letting your hair down just means having a bit of fun.” He cocked his head to the side a little, “A word which is somewhat lacking in your vocabulary.” As harsh as it sounded, it was completely true. Nothing Iwan had done so far, or said, suggested he was a particularly fun person at all. He wasn’t even sure how Iwan fitted into the band of knights, they all enjoyed a laugh and a joke every now and again, but Iwan wouldn’t even smile at him. That was probably because he didn’t like him very much, but that wasn’t the point. He could at least make the effort couldn’t he?

Gwaine was on the verge of laughing, the thought of Iwan lying with one woman was amusing enough, without imagining a hundred women falling for his charms. He wondered for a moment if he was being insensitive, and if Iwan had had some sort of horrible experience with a woman and this had led him to his strange nature. He shook his head at Iwan’s last question, this conversation was far from over, “I feel like I’ve touched a nerve.” He observed, but it was more of a question because he wanted to know whether there was something which had caused Iwan to be so bloody miserable about women in general. The village was coming into view up ahead, and Gwaine gestured to it rather swiftly, “That’s it up ahead isn’t it?”

[Deleted]

Iwan resisted the urge to laugh at Gwaine’s comment. Clearly they both had contrasting ideas about what “respecting a woman” actually meant. Trying anything you can in order to get a woman into bed with you was not what Iwan would call respectful. But it seemed this was going to be yet another thing they would never agree on. Thinking about it, they didn’t actually appear to agree about anything and Iwan found himself wondering how one man could be so fundamentally wrong about everything. It was certainly a talent of Gwaine’s, as was asking questions Iwan really, really didn’t want to answer. What possible interest could it be to the man whether Iwan had ever tried to woo a woman? Well, it probably wasn’t interesting at all, but it was another thing that Gwaine could irritate him about. How had they even got onto this subject? And, perhaps, more importantly, was there a way to get them out of it without answering any more questions? Probably not. Knowing Gwaine he wouldn’t give up until he was given a satisfactory answer, and that would probably only prompt more questions... oh how Iwan hated him. “No...I haven’t...” Not that it was any business of Gwaine’s whatsoever. For a brief moment he was tempted to say that even though he hadn’t wooed a woman, as such, that didn’t mean he was completely inexperienced when it came to that sort of thing. But then that would involve having to explain how he’d become slightly experienced without wooing anyone. Telling Gwaine about the Lady Caitrin fiasco would just give him far too much ammunition.

I know what the saying means, he thought with irritation. Just because he didn’t live by it didn’t mean he didn’t understand it. He also didn’t appreciate Gwaine’s jibe about him not knowing about fun either. “I have fun.” Iwan replied, his tone somewhat defensive. “I just don’t need to be intoxicated or naked to do so.” Fun was crossing the last item off a list or realising you’d subconsciously organised something perfectly. It wasn’t going to taverns and losing all your self control and doing stupid things which you’re not going to remember the next day anyway and will suffer because of it. Iwan had never had a hangover himself, but he’d seen enough of Ciaran’s to decide they were something he didn’t want to experience. He could have pointed out that, as a knight of Camelot, being intoxicated was something Gwaine really shouldn’t be doing, especially to the point of not being able to stand up properly – who knew when danger would strike? – but Gwaine would only just laugh or call Iwan boring so he kept his mouth shut.

Iwan wasn’t quite sure how to take Gwaine’s words. He didn’t sound particularly sorry about this supposed nerve he’d touched. He sounded more curious, almost as if he wanted Iwan to have some traumatic sexual experience lurking away. Well, he was going to be disappointed. The only thing Gwaine had done was annoyed him. “Well you haven’t. You’re just annoying.” Although he wanted Gwaine to desist with his questioning, he didn’t want him to go around thinking there was some past experience. Iwan was far too busy with his duties to go around being disturbed and traumatised.

The young knight had been far too distracted by the topic of conversation to realise that the village was now in sight, and he was rather surprised that Gwaine was the one to point it out – surprised and a little annoyed. Iwan was supposed to be the organised; then again nearing the village meant nearing all those women Gwaine was so eager to question. “Yes, yes it is.”

[thegwaine]

Gwaine didn’t really care what Iwan thought in truth, and he probably never would. They were never going to agree on the topic of women, or anything for that matter. It was a small miracle that neither of them had killed each other yet, in fact. Gwaine kept expecting Iwan to knock him sideward using his fist. It hadn’t happened yet, but Gwaine wasn’t sure how far off Iwan was from completely losing it. He looked sideward at Iwan for any hint to whether the man was close to flipping out or not. Gwaine was quickly realising it was hard to get a reaction from Iwan that was anything other than words. That was probably more annoying than anything. However, the fact he wasn’t getting a violent reaction didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. He was enjoying discussing Iwan’s lack of a love life too much to complain about anything really. “Maybe you should start wooing women, before all the good ones get away.” He winked at his friend again, because he was telling nothing but the truth. Though they were still young, they wouldn’t remain so forever, and eventually all the handsome women would be married off to stuffy nobles who would probably never give them an ounce of pleasure in their entire married life. That would be an incredible shame.

Intoxicated or naked? Again, Gwaine’s immature mind was working probably more than it should. He suppressed a small laugh and just looked on at Iwan. “Now those are just two types of fun.” Gwaine pointed out with ease, though he loved both, he didn’t like mixing the two. Mainly as it was more enjoyable if you could remember your encounter with a beautiful woman the morning after. He usually had an ale for his confidence but that was as far as it went. Gwaine shrugged, “So what would be your idea of fun?” He finally asked, only because he was genuinely interested because this was getting ridiculous. What kind of man didn’t put fun, and women, in the same sentence? He couldn’t understand this at all.

‘Annoying’ was a new nickname that Gwaine found himself embracing today. He’d never really been called annoying before, or perhaps he did but he’d never been listening. Gwaine just shrugged, “Well, don’t blame me for the fact you can’t face your issues.” He smirked at Iwan and just continued on his way towards the village. With all this talk of Iwan’s lack of a love life it was easy to forget that they were actually here to complete a mission. Gwaine just looked on as the village came into view, he was glad they hadn’t taken the horses now. He doubted the same conversation would have been had on horseback, and Iwan could have rode off and ruined all his fun. That wouldn’t have done at all would it? The village was conventional, and everyone seemed to be going about their business and not paying them that much attention. Everyone in Camelot always seemed to be busy. “What’s the plan then? Divide and conquer?” He was talking about questioning the villagers of course and he had no problem in taking a break from Iwan.

[Deleted]

Iwan, in case Gwaine hadn't noticed, had no interest whatsoever in wooing anybody. Was it so difficult for the man to understand? Not every man was obsessed with women. Iwan was far too busy for that sort of thing, and anyway and it was none of Gwaine's business and was definitely not something he wanted to discuss. Ever. He really couldn't understand why Gwaine cared so much - it made no difference to him, other than giving the man something to tease Iwan about. There would always be something for him to tease Iwan about - it seemed to be Gwaine's special skill. "I don't want to woo any women." He said, perhaps a little too quickly for his words to be believable. It seemed ever since Gwaine had brought this damned topic up, Iwan was struggling more and more to convince himself of his own convictions. He didn't want to woo anyone, and even if he did, past experience taught him such things wouldn't end well.

Gwaine's reply to Iwan's words about fun only proved the knight's point. All Gwaine seemed to care about was ale and women, which, although Iwan didn't approve, was perfectly fine if he was doing it away from him. But no, Gwaine seemed to think everyone should share this opinion. Alright, Iwan would grant that it probably was true for most of the men Gwaine knew - but that said more about Gwaine's character than the male psyche. Or at leas that was Iwan's opinion.

Iwan eyed his companion suspiciously. "You want to know what I do for fun?" No doubt this interest was not in earnest, but only so he could have more ammunition against him. Iwan knew Gwaine well enough to be mistrustful whenever these sorts of questions were asked - or just when they spoke. "Do you actually want to know what I do for fun, or do you want something new to mock?" He asked with raised eyebrows. He wasn't going to answer if Gwaine was just going to make fun of him so more.

Issues? What issues? Iwan stopped walking and just looked at Gwaine in confusion, only Gwaine didn't stop as well, so he ended up just stood by himself - in confusion. He didn't have any issues. He was perfectly at ease. Especially about women - stay away. See - he had a plan and everything. "I don't have any issues." He muttered before catching up with Gwaine and, because he wouldn't have heard Iwan's words only seconds before, he repeated them. "I don't have any issues." This time the words were said with a tone similar to that of a sulky child. This probably wasn't proving his point.

Once again, Iwan was surprised to see Gwaine actually being productive. Having said that, he was probably trying to get rid of him so he could talk to the younger, more female inhabitants of the village. Iwan resisted the urge to roll his eyes or make a sarcastic comment. After all, he should be grateful Gwaine was actually in favour of going ahead with the misson - and with a plan! "I assume you will questioning the women?" Alright, he didn't resist the urge that much. But at least he wasn't being sarcastic, and there was only a slight eyebrow raise.

[thegwaine]

Gwaine was having so many problems with this conversation. He just couldn’t understand Iwan in the slightest. Usually Gwaine could read people, or he at least was able to get a grasp of their personality with ease. Iwan however was just, a strange man in more ways than he could have ever imagined. At first he had just thought that the mans idea of fun didn’t match up to his own, which was fine really, it was irritating, but it was fine. After all, if they were all the same, and found the same things enjoyable then the world would be a dull place. However, it was so much worse than that. How on earth could Iwan not want to woo a woman? Did he have no thoughts to marry? Then Gwaine was confused, didn’t all noble households seek to marry and extend their lines? To him, all of this made little sense, and he couldn’t really understand how Iwan could even be of this opinion. “What, not any woman?” He asked, now just more shocked than anything, “Don’t you want to be a husband one day?” Surely, even if Iwan didn’t approve of the sort of women that Gwaine usually lurched after, he had some woman at court who had caught his eye? There were plenty of pretty young noblewomen who would make fine wives. They weren’t Gwaine’s taste, but he could see someone like Iwan getting along with them.

If Gwaine hadn’t wanted to know the answer to his question then he wouldn’t have asked it. Was Iwan that dull? Well no, he knew the man wasn’t dull at all, and that was why he hadn’t answered Gwaine straight away. The man just shrugged at his fellow knight, and looked him up and down with half folded arms, and then his hand stretched out casually to the hilt of his sword, his other to his side. They were approaching the village after all, and the beast or monster or whatever it was could still be close. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to answer it truthfully, but you have jested my fun, why shouldn’t I return the favour?” Iwan had plenty to say about how Gwaine spent his time, why shouldn’t he do exactly the same back to him? It wasn’t really in a malicious or horrible way, and Gwaine was genuinely interested to find out whether Iwan found anything enjoyable, because at the moment he was really struggling to think of anything.

He didn’t have any issues? Really? Gwaine just stopped and looked on in disbelief at Iwan, he just couldn’t understand this at all. Was he really in that much denial? Gwaine had seen enough of the world to know that this sort of behaviour and attitude wasn’t normal. He’d never met a man before who didn’t wish himself to have a woman as a wife. The woman was different for every man, but still, she was there. “Are you being serious?” He said quickly with both his eye brows raised. “It’s not even the fact you don’t want to get drunk, but I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t want a woman to warm their bed, whether it be in or out of wedlock.” He shrugged, Gwaine belonged to the latter category in that respect, he had no motivation or will to marry at the moment, or perhaps he just hadn’t found the right woman yet.

Well, Gwaine had been expecting a comment like that, but it was completely justified so he couldn’t really complain in that respect. “Unless you’d prefer to question them?” He asked his companion with a roll of his eyes, “Or are you just worried the women might try their charms on you?” At that he winked, just to let Iwan know he was joking. Well, he was half ish joking. Perhaps that was Iwan’s problem, he just had no idea. “Right, I’ll take the upper town, and you can take the lower?” He asked, trying to sound like he really cared about this more than sorting out whatever issues Iwan had with women.

[Deleted]

No, Iwan hadn't given marriage much thought. He was too busy for any of that sort of thing. Besides, there was always Kay and Ciaran to continue the line, while Iwan could concentrate on being a knight and keeping the kingdom safe. And even if he did have an inclination towards marriage he doubt he would make anyone a fine husband. A wife would expect attention and affection and romance and all those other things wives expected. There would be no time for his duties, and he wasn't going to give those up for anyone. Being a knight was not something one did on a whim, it wasn't an occupation. As horrendously cliché as it sounded, being a knight was a way of life. It wasn't something you just went home from of an evening, not for Iwan anyway. A wife would always take second place; who would want that? It was just better for everyone if such thoughts didn't enter his mind the first place. Women were a distraction, but one Iwan could easily ignore, unlike some of the knights...

What wasn't quite so easy to ignore, however, was Gwaine's constant badgering on the subject. Obviously this was the most important thing in the world right now to his fellow knight. Iwan sighed, his hands twitching but he stopped them from clenching. Becoming annoyed wouldn't help the situation, in fact, it would probably have the opposite effect. This was Gwaine, after all. He took a deep breath, and tried to relax but well, relaxing wasn't really something Iwan was any good at. "I don't have the time." He replied, with a shrug to try to appear nonchalant. "Anyway, I doubt anyone would have me." He really didn't know why he had just said that, well, he did because he'd been thinking it, but why his brain had thought it would be a good idea to voice such an opinion was a mystery. Hopefully Gwaine would just ignore such a comment. He'd just look straight ahead and pretend he hadn't said anything.

Iwan was still convinced Gwaine was only trying to find something new to mock him for. Having said that, even if he didn't answer the man's question he'd only mock something else. It seemed to be his special skill. Iwan bit the inside of his lip. "I...I make lists. Lists of things I need to do, and then I do them and cross said item off. And I organise things." He said firmly, with a hint of pride. He didn't tell Gwaine that sometimes he completely messed up his chamber just to tidy it again. There would be no end of the mocking if he said that.

Of course he was serious. With Iwan there wasn't really another state of being. He didn't have any issues, of this he was quite certain. There was nothing wrong with him or the way he lived. Not everyone wanted wine and women, and just because him and Gwaine had differing opinions on such subjects did not mean Iwan had issues. He could very well say the same thing about Gwaine. He could say he had commitment issues - why else would he spend so much time lusting over women he'd never marry? Or he could say it was all part of some deep-rooted self loathing, and all these conquests were to have someone, anyone, love him even if it was only for just one night. See - Iwan could do the issues thing too. He frowned at the man. What sort of issues, exactly, was Gwaine suggesting he had? "That doesn't mean I have issues. I just don't share your priorities." There was nothing wrong with Iwan's attitudes towards alcohol and the fairer sex, if anything, there were only correct things with his attitude.

And they were back to women...even when trying to decide how to deal with a problem like the village, they were still back to the women. Iwan took back every single one of his previous thoughts about Gwaine actually being productive. "I am not worried at all. I have had a woman...try to charm me before." He replied, the irritation evident in his tone. His mind wandered back to that...lovely meeting with Lady Caitrin. That had definitely not been an encounter he had wanted to repeat. No, Iwan and women were not a good mix. He nodded at Gwaine's words, slightly annoyed that the plan had come from his companion and not him but that would be a rather petty argument. "Fine with me."

[thegwaine]

Gwaine had never really given much thought to marriage either really, but for completely different reasons to the ones that Iwan was giving him. Gwaine could never imagine settling for one woman, he had friends who had done just that, but he couldn’t see himself in such a situation. He had seen the highs and lows of such a relationship, funnily enough from the same friend. He still felt guilty about the fact he had told Griff to forget about his fiancée and move on with his life, but he had made the right choice in the end. Funnily enough he hadn’t been asked for his advice since then, but he could see his friend was happy enough, though he was loathe to admit that Griff had been a cad before he had met his lady. Well, the point still stood. Gwaine couldn’t ever see himself simply falling in love, it just seemed to simple, and yet so complicated. He felt a little sorry for Iwan, which was a new feeling. He was sure that there must be some woman who would have him. Camelot was quite a varied place. He frowned at Iwan, still feeling quite sorry for him. “That’s not fair. You can’t have asked all of them yet.” He cocked a grin at his fellow knight, there were a few ladies Gwaine could already think of that would swoon at the idea of Iwan’s favour. Perhaps Gwaine could push a few of them in Iwan’s direction, but of course that would rely on the man in question as well. There was no point in Gwaine sending women to him if Iwan was just going to reject them.

Pushing his hand though his hair, Gwaine looked back at his friend, not really knowing what to say. He could deal with threats to his ego because he was used to them. This was something different though. This was a man telling them that he didn’t feel like women wanted him in a way. Gwaine hadn’t really had this before, so he just felt slightly uncomfortable for a few moments. Another side of his mind was already working out women that he could throw in Iwan’s direction at the next feast. A pity Griff’s wife was already taken, he was sure she could work her charms on the man. As Gwaine had found out the hard way, the woman was incredibly charming. Griff hadn’t been too pleased about that day, but Gwaine still stuck to the argument he had used on the day; that Griff shouldn’t have set up the situation in the first place. “You’ll find a woman, I’ll get you one at the next feast.” He clapped Iwan on the back with a grin, “One who likes rules just as much as you do.” That probably wasn’t possible, but there had to be some shy woman in Camelot who would respond properly to Iwan’s...charm.

Lists? Gwaine just looked at his friend, this was even weirder than the man not having a natural interest in women. Iwan was just getting worse and worse. Gwaine could not really ever recall having made a list, he probably wouldn’t have stuck to it even if he had created one. It wasn’t something that he had ever really put any thought into; he just did things. As for organisation, anyone who saw Gwaine’s chambers would know that he was anything but organised. “Don’t you have more interesting things to do with your time?” Gwaine asked him seriously, “Like drinking, training,” He paused for dramatic effect, “Womanising?” Well they had already established that the latter one didn’t interest Iwan, but there were other things that the man should be doing rather than making lists and organising his chambers. He really did need to live a little.

To say they didn’t share the same priorities was defiantly an understatement. Gwaine just cocked his head at his friend and looked him up and down. He wasn’t quite sure why he was arguing so much. It was clear that Iwan didn’t approve of Gwaine’s lifestyle, but at least he knew how to live, unlike his fellow knight. There was a lot Iwan was missing out on, probably unknowingly as well. “Perhaps you should, you might even learn how to live a little.” Gwaine pointed out and just smirked at his friend. This wasn’t really getting the job done, but he was enjoying himself all the same.

So women had actually charmed Iwan before? Gwaine was almost impressed, “Who was it?” He asked with a grin, “Anyone I’d know?” With any luck it would be, so Gwaine could get an idea of the calibre of women that he was used to. After all, Gwaine now had it in his head that he wanted to set him up with a woman of some sort, “Meet back here in say, fifteen minutes?” Gwaine asked before not really giving Iwan time to answer as he went off in search of the nearest prettiest face. Iwan’s constant glaring at him was starting to get a bit boring. In truth it didn’t take him long to work his charms on the local women and he quickly had the description of the so called monster which had been plaguing their town. From what he could tell it sounded like a wildering, or something similar. Fabulous. He caught up with Iwan with ease, but not before winking to a few of the fair maidens he had passed, “Any luck?” He asked his friend, before quickly adding, “The women here are quite beautiful after all.”

[Deleted]

Needless to say, Gwaine’s words weren’t helping. Iwan couldn’t quite decide whether it was through a desire to irritate, or just plain stupidity, but the man had a habit of taking everything Iwan said literally. No, he hadn’t asked every woman to marry him. That would probably be impossible and a complete waste of his time. Marriage in general would probably be a complete waste of time – not that it was a terribly likely scenario but even so. He just wouldn’t fit the role. His whole life revolved around being a knight and he simply couldn’t imagine having something else, other commitments and other loyalties. It was just...wrong. Any wife would never have his full attention – not when there were duties to perform, training practices to attend, Gwaine to clean up after...it just wasn’t practical. And that was...fine. And not a problem anyway so he had no idea why it was occupying his mind so much. He blamed Gwaine. “Of course I haven’t, that would be ridiculous.” He replied, ignoring the other knight’s grin as usual. “And before you make some comment I don’t intend to ask anyone.”

He automatically tensed at Gwaine’s hand on his back. Iwan wasn’t one for physical contact anyway, but especially not from someone like Gwaine. He pressed his lips together and clenched his fists – an automatic reaction to unwanted contact whilst mentally counting the seconds until Gwaine stopped touching him. It was bad enough that he was trying to set him up with someone. Clearly the man didn’t share Iwan’s views about personal and physical boundaries, not that that was a terribly shocking revelation. He just glared at the man. Why couldn’t Gwaine just accept that Iwan had no interest in women? And even if he did, it was highly unlikely that he would find one who had an interest in him, so there was no point bothering about it. He wasn’t handsome and flirtatious and charming, but that was fine. He had coped like that for twenty seven years, and he daresay he could cope a little longer.

“I know this is hard for you to understand,” he began in a rather condescending tone while shuffling a few steps away so Gwaine couldn’t assault him again, “But I’m not interested. At all.” He really couldn’t make it any clearer, which led back to his previous thought: either Gwaine was the most idiotic man who ever lived, or the most infuriating.

He noticed Gwaine giving him a weird look, which, rather embarrassingly made him feel more than a little self-conscious. He straightened up, trying to ignore the man despite knowing from far too much experience that that was certainly more easily said than done. At this point, he was beginning to just accept that whatever he said Gwaine was going to have a fault with. It was abnormal for him to care about something other than his libido, it was abnormal for him to enjoy organisation. Well, it clearly wasn’t, was it? Iwan was perfectly normal. Besides, someone had to make sure there was routine and order, and that person clearly wasn’t going to be Gwaine. “No, no I don’t. I enjoy it.” He replied, perhaps a little more harshly than he intended but he was getting fed up with Gwaine’s constant judgement.

Iwan was just going to ignore that comment. He thought he had made it more than clear that such action would definitely not teach him how to “live a little”. If anything, it would have the opposite effect and that was something he could certainly do without. Gwaine seemed to be under the impression that his life choices were the only ones worth making. Iwan was making no subtleties about the fact that he completely disapproved of Gwaine’s attitude towards women and drinking and general being, but at least he acknowledged that someone could enjoy such things – even if they were completely amoral.

Of course Gwaine would know Caitrin de Archer. Even if she didn’t have the reputation she did, she was bound to know him just because it would be Iwan’s damn bad luck. He shouldn’t have mentioned this at all – it was just giving Gwaine more ammunition, and was probably going to give Iwan a headache. All in all, it had been a rather bad move. “I’m not telling you.” He said, a little childishly but he didn’t care. Anyway, Gwaine was being childish by asking, so it was fine.

Before he had time to agree, or even really register what Gwaine had said, the man had disappeared and Iwan was left alone in the middle of the village. No doubt Gwaine had spotted some young woman. Typical. With a sigh, he started his own inquiries, pointedly ignoring all females under thirty. He hadn’t got very far before he heard a voice behind him, and turned around to see a rather irritating face. “I hadn’t noticed.” He said firmly, this was definitely not the time, “What did you find out?”

[thegwaine]

Gwaine looked across at Iwan and frowned at him. He had met many men in his time, across Albion and beyond but never had a man been anything like Iwan. He couldn’t figure him out at all. What man didn’t want a wife to go home to in the evening? Gwaine was sure that something had happened to make Iwan like this, no one just grew into this kind of a man; wanting to be completely devoid of female attention and wanting to continue like this. Gwaine was already concocting a plan in his head, he was sure that he could find a woman to throw at Iwan that could loosen him up a little bit. No man could be this eager to stay away from women and Gwaine was determined to change this part of his psyche. Gwaine wondered if Lady Caitrin would be able to help him out, and tell him which women would be willing to help him out. Obviously he wouldn’t be asking her to help him out as he doubted Griff would be that impressed with him. “What is your problem?” He asked seriously, “Why wouldn’t you want a woman to warm your bed? I’m sure you wouldn’t be that bad if that’s what you’re all worried about.” Gwaine took a step away from Iwan as he was sure that he was going to be punched. In fact, if Iwan didn’t murder him by the end of this mission he would be incredibly surprised.

Again they were back to Iwan insisting that he was not interesting in any woman at court. Gwaine thought he was being incredibly unfair as he hadn’t met every woman at court yet so how on earth could he know that he wasn’t interested? Gwaine felt like Iwan was being incredibly single minded and he needed to change his views in order to further his life and then he could learn to enjoy himself and let go of all his issues and problems. Gwaine returned to the idea that Iwan had some bad experience with a woman at some point during his life and this was the result. How depressing was that? Gwaine couldn’t imagine being this depressed because of one bad experience. He had no proof that his theory was right of course, but Gwaine had already convinced himself that he was right so there was no going back from this. “You need to just get out there at court, like I said, there’ll be a woman at court who loves making lists. Perhaps that could be the start of your courting.” He took a few steps away from Iwan and put his hand on his heart and fluttered his eye brows dramatically, “Oh Iwan, can we make lists together?” He said in a high pitched female voice, barely able to stop himself from laughing.

He was made even more certain that he was right by the fact that Iwan was refusing to tell him which woman had charmed him before. Gwaine grinned knowingly, if Iwan wouldn’t tell him then he would make a point of asking every woman he came into contact with until he had his answer. Gwaine was resourceful like that. “Come on, I might not know who it is.” If he didn’t then he would make sure he did know the woman in question, and find out exactly what had happened right down to the last detail. Gwaine usually wouldn’t be that bothered about what was happening in everyone else’s lives, but he felt like Iwan needed his help. “Just tell me, I’ll find out anyway.” Camelot wasn’t that big a place anyway.

Really Gwaine hadn’t actually found out that much from the townsfolk. They were giving him blind, and useless information for the most part though he didn’t say that obviously. Gwaine had more respect for the townspeople than that. “I got quite different descriptions from a lot of the people, from what I can gather we’re dealing with a large creature that attacks the village for food supplies.” Gwaine shrugged, it was a standard issue, and he looked off into the trees, “They said it always attacks from the east.” So east was where they would go.