Wound Up In The Past (Yassia)

[Caitrin de Archer]

Of course Caitrin had felt, to an extent, that she had been inviting herself to Yassia’s homeland. Though it turned out her suggestion was better received than she could have ever hoped it to be. She just smiled at her friend, her mind already confirming that yes, this journey must one day take place. Perhaps by then Caitrin might even be happily resided in marriage, and perhaps even with child, though that was probably a long way off in Caitrin’s life. Or at least she hoped so, she wasn’t sure she was ready to be a mother quite yet. Smiling at Yassia once more she nodded, “It would make our parting a happier experience.” Knowing that you would one day see that person again always made the parting easier. “And it would be lovely to see Ailantha for myself, from the way you speak of it, it sounds rather enchanting.”

Caitrin was sure that Yassia would not be as forward to press Griff into such matters as proposing to her friend. However, you could never be sure with some people. She did however just giggle at the image, she was sure Griff would get around to it eventually, or at least she hoped so. Therefore she did not express her worries, but merely kept up the jest. “Oh I am sure Griff can handle anything you have to say to him.” Her lips pressed into a grin, “For he has put up with me for over a year now.” How he had done that was still a wonder to her Uncle, who had long resided himself to the fact there was no man who would be able to cope with, or to tame, his niece’s stubbornness and headstrong nature. He had of course then been wrong.

Of all the people she had lost over the years, Caitrin still felt the bitter loss of her nurse. Helgund had always been so kind from her, and of course she had given her the gift of sorcery. The latter probably had not been a wise move given Caitrin’s current circumstances. Caitrin looked back to Yassia and nodded as she spoke, “She passed away when I was thirteen, but the time we spent together was special, and I’ll never forget her.” That was how you dealt with loss sometimes, you kept that person close in your thoughts at all time, so that they had never really left your side. That was how Caitrin dealt with it anyway.

Yassia’s shock at Caitrin’s revelation did not go unnoticed, in fact it was rather expected. She knew the man had a fearsome reputation in these parts for all the wrong reasons. Those who crossed him usually did not come off well. She wondered what he had done to Yassia to make her this concerned that he had close contact with someone she now knew as a friend. The thought just sickened her, she could handle damage to herself, just about, but knowing he had harmed others as well just made her feel ill.

“Unfortunately, yes I know him.” God how she wished she could have just not met him on that road, if she had ridden out an hour later they could have missed each other and she would not have to carry the memories of their time together. She had never met a man who was just so disrespectful to others, he had called her everything, and had hurt her in the most intimate of ways. As Yassia asked what he had done to her she just felt the emotions of the whole event coming back to her and for a moment she fell silent, which for Caitrin was not a good thing. She nervously fiddled with the cuff of her dress and forced her eyes back up to her friend, “That is not important.” She said rather quickly, “Your experience is more important than mine.” Or at least she assumed it was, “What did he do?”

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia smiled and couldn’t help feeling a little flattered as Caitrin so openly praised Ailantha. Of course, that Ailantha was a wonderful country wasn’t anything of her own doing, but then again, it was HER country, the kingdom she wished to rule, and that made it her business what people thought of it. Ever since coming to Camelot, Yassia inwardly had taken up the role of an ambassador for her country’s needs, which wasn’t all that far fetched. It may be unusual for royalty to act in the role of ambassador itself, but it was not unheard of. That also meant of course that she had some responsibilities weighing down on her shoulders. She would be the one people looked to when getting an impression of the kingdom, so everything he said or did would fall back on it eventually.
”I am glad you think so, Caitrin! But I will ask a little favor in return”, she said and dropped a teasing meaningful pause before continuing: ”You must do me the favor of showing me a bit more of Camelot on horseback sometime before I go! And maybe take me to Mercia one day… that is if you would not mind returning there for a visit.” Something in Caitrin’s tone had suggested she didn’t miss Mercia all that much, so maybe she should be careful with such pleas.

She let go an amused chuckle when Caitrin slandered herself jokingly. That was another thing she extremely liked about the young noble lady: she could bear to make fun of herself and didn’t put her own self-esteem above anything else. Yassia had been surrounded by too many women who would rather die than admit one of their flaws all her life, and it was definitely refreshing to finally meet someone who could joke about such things. That was also why she guessed Caitrin would not be offended if she jumped in on the jest.
”Truly, truly that man must have iron nerves, I daresay”, she mused with a jovial wink. “I’ve only known you for what – an hour? – and I already take my hat off to him – and am even more anxious to meet him now. He must be quite the lion tamer.” Of course a mischievous glinting in Yassia’s eyes belied her joking words.

Yassia tutted lowly in commiseration. “Only thirteen? Oh you were quite young then, I am sorry! That must have been especially hard! But those who left us are never really gone.” For a split second another shadow crossed her face, as she remembered her own loss. “To some it might seem like they haunt us, but in fact all they want is to still be close to us, so we should never insult them by forgetting them. A wise man once said: ‘The dead are only truly dead once they are forgotten. As long as we keep them in our heart they never truly perish.’”
Their conversation had taken on quite the solemn topic and tone, but if Yassia had hoped it would get better, she had been thoroughly mistaken.

Caitrin confirmed she knew Vortigern, and that chased away all hope that there might have meen a mix up of names or a misunderstanding in general. The way she described him there could be no doubt. And it didn’t escape Yassia either that Caitrin became unusually monosyllabic and tried to shift the focus away from her. It made Yassia feel the icy breath of dread down her neck, as he mind sought to find a reason for this behaviour – and shied away from it at the very same time. She knew enough about Vortigern to know that he was absolutely heart- and ruthless. And Caitrin was a strong spirit. There was only one thing Vortigern desired to do with strong spirits: break them.
Yassia didn’t want to talk about his actions towards her either, but somehow she couldn’t help it. The memories assaulted her mind like a tidal wave an already dented levee, and it didn’t take long for something to seep through.

”He somehow knew that I was fleeing, so he snatched me off the path with his men as soon as I had crossed the border into his lands”, Yassia said, her voice oddly hollow and faraway, as if she was not truly in the present, but reliving everything she said. “He brought me to a remote derelict manor and locked me away in the dark. And sometimes he came to ask questions… and play.”

[Caitrin de Archer]

As Yassia spoke, saying that she too had a little favour to ask, Caitrin could not help but be intrigued. She felt quite proud that Yassia would trust her judgement in showing her all the best bits of Camelot, and perhaps even Mercia. Mercia was not a place Caitrin had revisited since leaving, but then again she had never really had any reason to. There was nothing really there for her now. Her father was always at this battle and that battle, and the only interest in her seemed to be in finding her a suitable husband as soon as possible, because then she would cease to be his responsibility for good. In truth it was not even his place to find her a husband anymore, it was her Uncle’s, and they both knew who would eventually ask for Caitrin’s hand anyway. “I would be honoured.” She said softly and took a sip of her wine, “Mercia is not too far from here, if we set out early enough we could make it an extended day trip?” She suggested softly. Well, if she was asking Yassia to show her her homeland, she could only return the favour. Of course they would take a guard with them, the Mercian roads were even more formidable than those in Camelot.

Iron nerves probably described exactly what Griff had to develop in order to keep up with Caitrin’s stubborn nature. She never really gave him an easy time, but he easily matched her in irritation. They both had their faults, and they showed themselves far too often, but at the end of the day they were both happy. She flushed slightly as Yassia deemed Griff a lion tamer, it was a rather different comparison to make, but one that Caitrin welcomed. “Then I shall see to it that you meet him sooner rather than later.” She grinned softly, “This is possibly one of the few days we have not dined together actually.” In truth Caitrin had told him she was expecting company, and he had probably found something to amuse himself with anyway.

Yassia’s words rung true to Caitrin, and she was sure that as long as she kept Helgund in living memory then she would never truly leave her. She had loved her like a mother, and the loss had been immense, but she did keep going every day and never really let thoughts of missing her get her down. It would do no good to spend her entire life mourning, but she could still remember Helgund and the time they had spent together. “I don’t think the memory of her will ever leave me.” She said in a quiet sort of way, “Or at least I hope not.”

This new topic of conversation was one which was making Caitrin feel more and more uncomfortable by the second. She did not want to think of this man, or the hurt he had caused Yassia as well. She shuddered slightly as she began to speak of her experience with him. She couldn’t imagine that fear, of being just taken at his mercy. Of course it was on his turf as well. Caitrin had the happy advantage of meeting him on Camelotian soil where he had little influence, though that had not stopped his advances.

“He had you on your own too?” She asked softly, but it was also in an understanding way. Vorgiern had had Caitrin in the same situation; alone and vulnerable. She had been totally on her own, and the fact that she could not remember Vortigern hurting her in such an intimate way just made it more unbearable. His actions on the road back to Camelot were however quite vivid in her memories and the awful things he had called her still rung in her ears. It didn’t haunt or scare her, it just made her loath him. She would never give him the satisfaction of being scared of him because that was what he wanted wasn’t it? It had been what he had wanted on the road back to Camelot, and she had not given him the pleasure of her fear.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia was glad Caitrin seemed to take her suggestion with such good grace. After all, she had all but said she didn’t miss Mercia all that much, so she might not have wanted to return, when she was happy here. Maybe turning back even for a day or two would revive unpleasant memories, and the least thing Yassia wanted was to make her friend uncomfortable! That would be a bad way of repaying the kindess Caitrin had shown to her until now!
”A day’s trip sounds wonderful to me”, she agreed with a happy smile. “It’s so odd, now that I’ve travelled for so long, a day on horseback seems nothing to me, whereas in my younger years I wasn’t so keen on going far away. I always wanted to see the world, you know, but didn’t want the hardship accompanying it.”
She took a sip from her goblet as well, savouring the sweet and yet spicy wine on her tongue, before she added. “We will have to see what time suits us best, but rest assured I will keep it in the back of my mind!”

She leaned back in her chair with a teasing smile, when Caitrin all but confessed she had dismissed Griflet for the evening so that the two women could have their dinner and talk. Yassia did not know much about how it felt to miss someone like that, but he gathered it must not be easy, even less when you had already taken up such loved little habits together.
”How do you know he’s not here somwhere?”, she suggested with a malicious smile. “Maybe he wanted to hear what you were saying about him… and he’s hiding behind that tapestry in the corner… in fact”, she showed Caitrin the tip of her tongue in a very impulsive childish gesture, “what makes you think he and I haven’t met before and he bribed me to dig deeper into what you think of him?”
She was talking nonsense of course, but Yassia had the feeling that Caitrin would not take this jibe badly. And who knew what funny action or conversation could spring of it yet?

This topic was probably one of the least Yassia ever would want to talk about, but now it was done. It ranked high on her list of: things never to be meantioned, amongst the time she had spent in Celidoine, but that was pushed out of her mind for an entirely different reason. Usually Yassia was a very pragmatic girl, she might have an inflammable temper, but she never held a grudge for long, and when a topic was done it was done. But not so with Vortigern. He had left scars that went too deep, scraping on and threatening to undo everything she was made of. He had this way of doing that, find out your worst weakness and turn it against you. She didn’t even want to think about what else he might have done to her had his father not interfered, but by then he had already been exploring the scale to a very massive extent, hardly a thing left undone or untried.

She realized the hint Caitrin had given in her own words, and chose to recess the issue and venture a bit further on the chosen path. The least she wanted was making Caitrin relive too many of her memories, but Yassia simply needed to know. If only to make a long list that would brought before Vortigern on his judgement day, the day Yassia became queen of Ailantha and could accuse him of High Treason.
”Yes he did… I was foolish enough to steal away on my own, like thief in the night, with no protection at all. I didn’t think of the consequences back then. I was too thoughtless.” Taking a deep breath, she hesitantly asked: “How could he get to you Caitrin? He’s like a tiger, he only hunts when his prey is in a vulnerable state. I can hardly see him snatch you off your horse just like that, without reason.”

[Caitrin de Archer]

Mercia was not a place which ranked very highly in Caitrin’s opinion, but perhaps that was in hindsight than because of the place itself. She had no friends really back in Mercia, there were a few people who she wished to see again, funnily enough none of them really came from her family. She was sure she never wanted to see her sisters again, they had never been close. Caitrin had always got on well with other members of the nobility though, such as Oliver; yes they had been quite close when she had lived in Mercia. “A day trip it is then.” Caitrin declared boldly and took a swig of her wine, “And of course you will be welcome to stay here the night before.” That of course would make most sense. They could break fast together and then journey to Mercia in their own time. Caitrin’s calendar was relatively empty so she nodded towards Yassia and smiled, “Well let me know when you can take the time out for the trip, and I shall take you to the Kingdom I grew up in.” It felt odd to say that really, it felt like she had lived in Camelot all her life even though it had only been a few years. Perhaps that was just wishful thinking.

Caitrin laughed as Yassia suggested that Griff could be here tonight, spying on them. She and Griff held no secrets, excepting the fact that Caitrin was a sorceress, and so each knew exactly what each other thought of the other. As much as Caitrin did feel that she was falling for Griff completely, they could still argue like cat and dog. They were both incredibly headstrong and sometimes their arguments flared up. They always made up in the end one way or another so it was fine. “I am sure you could tell him nothing that he doesn’t know already.” Caitrin replied softly, with a slightly mischievous smile. She looked back at her friend and sighed out softly, “Tell me Yassia, there must be such a man that holds your favour?” Caitrin didn’t want to make Yassia feel uncomfortable by sitting here like a love-struck woman speaking about nothing but Griff all evening. It would just make her miss him even more than she already did.

The topic unfortunately swung from the one man she loved to the one who she would rather forget completely about. She looked up at Yassia and bit her lip nervously. Caitrin didn’t feel sorry for herself, she just felt uncomfortable about the topic of Vortigern on the whole. She had never felt so vulnerable as she had during their experience; he had made her feel like she was worthless. Caitrin couldn’t even get angry at the mention of his name, she just felt like she was almost worn out with it. She had been emotionally traumatised after the night at the inn. The torment she had been forced to endure with thinking she was pregnant with his child had driven her crazy in the weeks following the encounter. Even though she hadn’t been pregnant the possibility had loomed over her for months. He could have ruined her life forever if she had indeed got pregnant, rather than ruining it for those few days.

“I’m so sorry.” She finally said as she listened to Yassia’s story. Caitrin just felt uncomfortable; Vortigern truly was the most vile man in the whole of Albion and beyond. “What did he do?” She forced herself to ask because she needed to know. Had Caitrin not been the only one who had been used to satisfy Vortigern’s tastes? Or had he indeed taken Yassia as he had taken Caitrin?

It was only fair that Caitrin answered Yassia’s question, as the woman had answered her questions without hesitation. She didn’t want to, Jesu, Caitrin just wanted to dodge the question and pretend that it had never happened. “I was riding out alone, he stopped me and we were both attacked by bandits.” She paused slowly and pressed her eyes together before forcing them open again, “The bandits took the horses but left us alone; together.”

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia raised her goblet in a mock toast to seal the deal. As she realized how much she enjoyed spending time with Caitrin, how refreshing it was compared to all this sitting around idly, waiting, waiting and waiting, a day trip to a kingdom she had never been before sounded very exciting indeed. She had never thought herself to be very adventurous and she would never have embarked on the journey here unless there was this dire need to, but she also was very much aware of the fact that she was not the same girl anymore that had left Ailantha months ago. Her travels had changed and shaped her in ways she would have never thought possible. Hopefully for the better, but that maybe only people who were able to compare could tell her.
”Spending the night here before we embark sounds like fun”, she agreed with a little chuckle. “We could turn it into a sleepover or something, you know what girls like to do when they are younger. I only heard of it though, never did it myself.”
A princess having a sleepover, well that was highly unlikely wasn’t it? Even more so in a court as crazy on rules and manners as the Ailanthan.

Her head jerked up in surprise as Caitrin voiced this certain question. Well, it was not an invalid one to ask, but it still came as a little shock. Her first impulse was to deny firmly of course and she already shook her head and opened her mouth to give the usual explanation – that she could not afford to let her heart rule her mind, because she needed to find a husband so she could rule as queen, and that she was not the type for dalliances anyway – when suddenly a face flickered through her mind. A face she usually never allowed to stay in her conscious thoughts for long. She just couldn’t allow herself to dream idly over things that once had happened but had been a spur-of-the-moment thing without a future and therefore without significance.
”Well.. no… not exactly”, she tried to make sense of her own confusing thoughts. “Nothing that could have any future anyway. It’s now maybe two months back, when I met someone on my journey to Camelot. In the Forest of Balor. I was stupid to use it as a shortcut and I paid a price.” Subconsciously her hand moved up to her left shoulder and touched the place where Oliver’s arrow had hit her.

However much Yassia tried, she just could not rid herself of the dread that came along with thinking of Vortigern. She had not wanted to open up these old wounds again, but now they were at it, they better spelled it all out. It was like that with all unpleasant things: as long as you can try to push them away, but if you can’t anymore then put all cards on the table and deal with it until it is off the stove.
At least that was all well and good in theory. Reality was far more hurtful and difficult. She did not WANT to go into detail when even thinking of the dark cold room she had spent several days in made her skin crawl. And yet… maybe she should finally tell someone who understood, who was on the same page.
”Like I said… he often came to play. Once he threatened to stab my eyes out if I so much as blinked… just because he wanted to see me beg. He wanted to break me…” her voice sounded very hoarse all of a sudden, “…and he nearly succeeded. In more than just one way he took my pride…my integrity…” She broke off. No, she could not voice it. It was too much.

The image Caitrin painted was however not much better. It made Yassia shudder in sympathy. “Ugh, first bandits then Vortigern… and being left alone with him at that. You poor dear, I dare not hope he treated you right… that doesn’t seem to be in his nature.”
On one hand, Yassia didn’t want to hear details of what Vortigern had done to Caitrin, she would want to spare her friend the shame. But if she wanted to tell, she would listen… there was not much else she could do. For now this vile man was beyond her command.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitin joined Yassia in her mock toast and raised her goblet of wine to her new friend. It would of course make sense to visit her homeland with a friend. She could show it off a bit then, after all Caitrin's entire childhood had been spent in Mercia so she knew it incredibly well. Although her directions might be a bit rusty after the years she had spent in Camelot, Caitrin was sure that everything would come flooding back to her when she once again set foot on Mercian soil. She was quite inclined to be excited, despite the rather depressing circumstances in which she had had to leave her homeland. "I did not have sleepover when I was younger either." Caitrin said thoughtfully, "Our household was quite full enough without other noble children taking up residence with us as well." Caitrin had quite a few siblings to boast about, and it certainly had been a full household when Caitrin had been growing up.

It was quite sweet to hear of this mystery man who Yassia had come across in her travels. She had never really known love that she could not possess, so she could not really relate to her friend in that respect. However she did let out a small smile. "But was it a price worth paying if you met this man?" She asked brightly, now incredibly interested about this man in Yassia's life, even if it had only been a fleeting visit. "What was his name?" She now asked, not that she thought she would know the man, but it could further encourage Yassia to open up a bit about this man.

As the topic shifted once more to Vorigern, Caitrin couldn't help but shudder. That man had brought her no end of trouble, and even now she felt the memories of that time she ahd spent with him resurfacing. She took a small swig of wine and found herself just staring into the goblet aimlessly. She only looked up to Yassia as she finished recalling exactly what Vortigern had done to her. She pressed her eyes together, Jesu it was too much to think about. "The man is evil." Was all she could manage in a short whisper.

Her eyes fixed with Yassia's as she moved to answer her question. "Do you truly think that Vortigern is capable of treating any woman right?" She asked softly and groaned, and put a hand over her face. Yassia had told Caitrin what had happened between herself and Vortigern, but did Caitrin have the courage to own up to what he had done? "It was like hell, until I was back in my home I did not feel safe." She pressed her lips together and looked on at Yassia, "He took advantage of the fact I was quite vulnerable, and he exploited that until he had what he wanted." She was being vague, but being blunt would mean admitting what Vortigern had done to her, and what he had taken.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia’s eyes gleamed up in interest as she heard Caitrin talk about a ‘full house’ she had had in former times. Did that indicate she had had many siblings and other relatives? Yassia’s own past had been affected by the sudden loss of her only brother Raoul, marking the end of her innocent childhood rather brutally. She had never wanted for company, but the royal court in Taykhe, the capital of Ailantha, had been terribly fixed on manners and proper behaviour. It had not been a place to fill with the noise of children playing and running around. Only outside the city on the vast plains or the large forest, had she experienced this kind of freedom. She had also not found anything wrong with how she lived, but it was always interesting to hear of other concepts as well.
”So you have siblings? Or just a large family in general?” The relationship to her uncle and cousin had never been the best, and the other half of her family – her uncle Kaye being the only one – had been here in Albion. Yassia had never known what is was like to live in a large family.

Caitrin’s words made her stomach flutter and she cocked her head, trying to think about it reasonably. “A price worth paying?” she mused, a fine smile playing around her lips. “That is an interesting question to ask. Would I risk being nearly eaten by a cockatrice and shot by a huntsman just to see him again?” The question was a rhetorical one. “Yes, I think I would. And his name was Oliver.” Just speaking his name brought a real flood of memories back to the forefront of her mind, memories she usually only allowed when night had fallen and she lay in her bed, trying to keep the demons away that tore at her heart and brought her worst fears to life. Thinking of her lovely frog prince had eased many a nightmare away already. But in broad daylight? What would dreaming be of any use?

The new tales of horror about Vortigern made Yassia shift in her seat uneasily. She had been born and raised not to talk about certain things, they were unseemly, taboo so to say, and Caitrin and her had been toeing the line already. Apparently, her friend had to fight the same demons altogether, which made the princess’ stomach cramp in nausea. Just to THINK… no, she could not venture futher on this path! It was high time they changed subjects, before one of them broke down!
Impulsively, Yassia reached out a hand to grasp Caitrin’s and squeezed it. “Let’s not grace him any more with our attention! He would only like that we still haven’t gotten over him.” Her voice was firm, set to bring this horrible subject to a conclusion. “He’s not worth our tears and he’s not worth our fear. He’ll get what’s coming to him when the time is right, and until then, we should not worry about him anymore. Agreed?”

Of course this would only work with Caitrin’s consent, and she hoped she had not hurt her friend’s feelings now with wanting to bring this to an end. The evening had started out so promising, she would not let it get ruined by an ugly shadow of the past.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin couldn't help but smile at Yassia's obvious interest in her family life. It was quite sweet really, but yet her home back in Mercia had been incredibly full during her youth. Being the youngest of course she had felt about experience she could in such a household. It had been hard to find a voice because she did have so many older siblings, perhaps that was why she was so vocal nowadays. It was funny how things worked out really wasn't it? "I have a lot of siblings." She grinned and held up her fingers to start counting them off, "In age order, there was Guy, Bryce, Jeffrey- Oh he was my favourite brother, he taught me archery as a child-, Aelfread, Ailith-they were twins- Ysolde and then myself." She presented herself with her hands and smiled softly. "I was the youngest of course; it was quite an experience." Caitrin hadn't really spoken this freely about her family before to anyone; no one had really asked before. "But here it is just myself and my Uncle, oh and my cousin Dristan, but Lord knows where he is most of the time." Dristan was a free spirit and Caitrin was sure he would never be tied down into any sort of responsibility if he could help it.

A wide smile erupted onto Caitrin's lips as Yassia confirmed that it had been a price worth paying. The young womans excitement was almost infectious and though perhaps it was only a bit of a daydream that something could happen in the future, Caitrin was still going to enjoy this moment with her friend. "I've only ever met one person called Oliver before." Caitrin said thoughtfully and took a swig of her wine, "But that was back in Mercia." It couldn't be the same man, no, the Oliver she knew would not have passed up an opportunity to use a title. At least that was her opinion on the matter. "And I do hope you see him again, he certainly seems to have left quite the impression." She said, inclining her goblet towards her friend with a smile.

Remembering that whole experience wasn't helping Caitrin at all with recovering from the event. She had put herself through mental torture for weeks thinking she was pregnant with his child, but luckily for whatever reason she hadn't fallen with child. She'd decided to leave it there, and never dwell on him again. However it was hard not too, he had forced her into giving up her maidenhead; he'd had too. She couldn't remember anything, and he had obviously had an agenda. It had probably been some sick plan of his all along.

As she felt Yassia's hand squeeze her own she looked up gratefully at her and squeezed the hand back. She pressed her lips together and breathed out softly. No, she would not give Vortigern the satisfaction of thinking he had had this kind of effect on her. She was better and stronger than this and it was time to prove it. "You are right." She confirmed and forced a soft smile, "But thank you for listening." Yassia hadn't judged her for what had come to pass between herself and that vile man, and that meant quite a lot really. At that moment the servants bustled in to serve them the main course of the meal, though Caitrin wasn't paying much attention. "Perhaps I could arrange some music for after our meal to lighten the mood?" She suggested with a smile. She had servants who could play the lute and fiddle, and that was all that was needed for a merry jig or even solo dancing. Now that would be quite fun, it had been a while since Caitrin had had chance to show off her dancing.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia’s eyes grew wider with every finger Caitrin counted off and provided with a name. So many brothers and sisters! Twins even! And Caitrin to be the youngest of them all! That was such a lovely image to behold, and it also explained a lot of Caitrin’s behavior in Yassia’s eyes. She might not have personal experience with it, but she had heard many times that the youngest child in a large family usually was particularly wild, simply because it was necessary for them to speak up to even be heard and they’ve been towed along with the larger group from the day they were born, girls and boys alike. Yes, it explained a great deal, and yet Yassia couldn’t help the little sting of jealousy that mixed with her amusement and understanding. She had lost two brothers, one with fourteen and the last just months ago, by her own fault. Now she was completely on her own. But then, come to think of it, so was Caitrin! Where were her siblings?
”So they are back in Mercia?” she asked softly, smiling. “Do you miss them?” She herself missed Mircea the most, there was no day she didn’t think of him and blamed herself for his untimely death. Ramon had been a part of her childhood and youth and she had loved him dearly, but she had learned to live without him.

She cocked her head in interest when Caitrin said she knew a man named Oliver, but she never thought it anything but a coincidence. There couldn’t be just one man in the world with this beautiful name, even though it would have been highly deserved. He was unique, a rare gem, and so his name should only belong to him. However ridiculous and childish that may sound. And she couldn’t allow herself to take this any further anyway. Her body might ache everytime she thought of the kisses they shared, but she had allowed her heart to rule her mind for one night, and it had given her even more pain. There was nothing that could come out of it, and even if she didn’t regret her actions, she could not help but think what she would be like if she had never met him. If she would feel any less sad whenever the topic was brought up.
”What good would come of it, if I saw him again?”, she sighed, shaking her head sadly. “He’s but a huntsman and I am to be queen and need to find a husband that can aid me in the struggle against my uncle. Feelings and wishes will have no say in this, it can’t be.”

It felt incredibly good to have Caitrin’s hand squeeze her back. It might be a minor thing, but Yassia knew that an understanding had been formed. They had been through similar things and instead of turning away, it had made them grow closer together. They were IN this together, and they could work this OUT together. From that moment on, Yassia was sure she had found a true friend, however woeful the cause, and it made her heart swell with happiness.
”Thank YOU for listening to me… about everything. It’s been a lifetime since I last… could talk about anything with anybody really. I’m used to fare on my own, I didn’t even know how good it feels to HAVE someone to share a burden with.”
Most of the burden would always remain her own to bear, but now that didn’t seem so hard anymore. Yassia dearly hoped there would be more occasions when she could talk to Caitrin – and have fun with each other!

Speaking of fun: a wide grin appeared on Yassia’s face as she heard her friend’s suggestion. “Dancing?!” she exclaimed happily. “I love dancing like nothing else in the world! Well, maybe apart from healing, and singing sometimes. But… oh, it would be wonderful if we could!”
Her eyes gleaming, she took a little of the main course and closed her eyes in a relishing gesture. “On a side note: this is delicious! My compliments to your cook indeed!”

[Caitrin de Archer]

As Yassia spoke of her family back in Mercia it almost re-lit the past for her somewhat. At the time having quite a large family just seemed normal. She wouldn't have thought that there was anything other than a large family when she had been growing up. It had often surprised her when families at court only had one or perhaps two children to boast about. The de Archer family certainly was large. In turn, Caitrin was sure that she wanted a large family. After all, she couldn't imagine her household as being anything but. Of course that was a long way off in her thoughts just yet. She did want children, but she wasn't ready to be a mother just yet. "They are." She confirmed at Yassia's question. Now did she miss him? Caitrin pressed her lips together and considered the question, "I miss my brother Jeffrey, but I was never that close to the others." She shrugged, she had been away from Mercia too long to miss her family too much. She had a new family in Camelot now, and she had had to adapt to that.

In her wildest imagination, Caitrin amused herself with thoughts that her Oliver, and Yassia's Oliver, were the same man. Of course it was near impossible, but what an odd coincidence that would be! Caitrin shrugged but a soft smile erupted onto her lips, "Are you trying to say that you wouldn't want to see him again?" She challenged with a wink, and she put her head in her hands rather lazily whilst watching her friends reaction. In this matter Yassia's manner and tone gave her away. They could speak of duty and honour until they were blue in the face, but there was no denying how Yassia truly felt about this man.

It seemed like both Caitrin and Yassia had found some sort of comfort in each other. Caitrin wasn't used to opening up to anyone really, well apart from Griff, but it had helped to talk about Vortigern to someone who truly knew what she had gone through. Yassia had experienced the mans cruelty as well and it helped in a way. "Well now we can lay these demons to rest." She said softly and squeezed Yassia's hand once more. "As that man deserves no more place in our thoughts." That was the end of it, Vortigern could hurt her anymore, she was here in Camelot with friends. He would never hurt her again.

Caitrin felt her excitement growing at Yassia's excited response to her suggestion of dancing. She wasn't sure what reaction she had been expecting, but that confirmed it; tonight they would dance. "Then I shall instruct the musicians to strike up a jig for us." Caitrin declared happily and grinned at her friend. Of course Caitrin's dancing was usually a way of showing off, and perhaps it still would be, but she was in the company of a friend, and they were both entitled to show off a bit.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia could understand Caitrin’s point of view to some extent. With having so many siblings it must come natural to not being incredibly close with all of them, especially not when you were the youngest. She had watched that happening many times, and to an extent it was even true for her. Not that she had had many siblings to choose from, but after Ramon’s death, she had discovered she was even closer to Mircea who had not even been her brother by blood. He had just felt more like a brother. Introverted, gloomy Mircea. Only she had known that he was not all like that. She had made him smile, joke around, could talk him into continuing her knife throwing lessons. Or accompany her on small trips. She had not needed to talk him into joining her in her flight however. He had been the one finding her on the brink of Vortigern’s kingdom, after he had had to release her. He had vowed to never leave her side. And it had not been his choice to have to do it in the end…
”I see…” Yassia replied with a gentle smile. “But I am sure they could be lovely company still, I bet you were always out and about.”

Now Caitrin had her truly cornered and Yassia didn’t like that one bit. It was clearly pouring salt into open wounds, and the princess gave a long, pained sigh and wrang her hands.
”You’re mean, you know that? What I want is not of any consequence… of COURSE I would want to see him again, I already said I would take another shot for it, and I assure you that wasn’t funny. But… I can’t… and so it’s better if we don’t see each other again. On that evening… I nearly wanted to break away, you know”, she admitted casting her eyes down. She had never told anyone about this, and it still ashamed her. “Not from him… from my quest I mean. But I could not, Caitrin. I can’t deny who I am.”

She gave a firm nod to seal the deal they had once again struck. No talk and mentioning of Vortigern anymore. Maybe in time they could both learn to live with what he had done to them, even though Yassia knew she could never forget. And also never forgive. But now was not the time to plot revenge either. That would give him too much influence on this evening.
”After all, this is to be a girl’s night, is it not?” she joked, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. “And we’ve already spent so much time with talking about men. Is this really how it is supposed to be?” She gave a mischievous grin. “Good thing they all don’t know how often and how much they are on our minds.”

Cocking her head in interest and her heart beating faster with excitement, Yassia considered what Caitrin had just said.
”A jig?” she asked to confirm what she had heard. “I think my mother told me about this kind of dance, it’s not usual where I come from. Not very courtly”, she added with a wink to mock herself and her country’s obsession with courtly manners. “But from what I heard, it is fun! You must show me how it is done!” Then she lowered her voice and leaned forward. “I once had a maid from another country, called Andalusia. She showed me a dance that would be deemed quite scandalous, as it is danced by one woman alone. It’s called Soleá”

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin shrugged, she wasn't quite sure if she preferred the household back in Mercia to the one here. She made up for the lack of company at home by entertaining herself with court life. "Well there was never a dull moment." She agreed softly. Sometimes she did wish her siblings had kept in contact, it would be interesting to see how they were doing after all.

Caitrin couldn't imagine having such a burden pressed on her. Of course it was fun to sit here with Yassia and dream of men she had met on the road, but it upset Caitrin in a way that Yassia's dreams were dashed because of the burden she carried. Caitrin could never look at life in such an objective way, she was one for living in the moment and thinking about the consequences later. That summed up her relationship with Griff. She had let herself fall in love before thinking of her families opinions, but her Uncle seemed to voice no opposition to the match. No, he enjoyed winding Griff up to much to get rid of him.

Oh how Caitrin wished that Yassia could find such love, or at least find something she could hold onto, rather than this one meeting with a man she could never have. It all sounded rather tragic to her, but she wished it to be anything but. It would be quite sweet if Yassia ever saw the man again, if she did feel this strongly about him. She certainly didn't envy the position that Yassia was in so she sighed softly and cupped Yassia's hand with her own. "Well I hope you are happy, whichever path you choose to take." Giving her another soft smile she turned back to her dinner, the hunter in the forest still racing across her mind.

Now that the talk of Vortigern was over, Caitrin began to relax. She would prefer now to put those demons to rest; she never had to see Vortigern again so she never had to worry about him again. Caitrin hoped as well that Yassia would never have the misfortune of laying eyes on him, really he wasn't worth their thoughts, and so the conversation could progress accordingly.

She couldn't help but laugh at Yassia's comments. "Well if you prefer we could talk about needlework, or other such tedious things." She pulled a face, men were much more interesting to speak about. A few years ago, in the heydays of Caitrin's toying and teasing with men, she probably would have had more gossip to share with Yassia. However, her relationship with Griff had calmed her down somewhat, and of course she doubted Yassia would want her to go on about that all night. "I wonder if men speak about women as much as we speak about them." She wondered and gave Yassia quite a mischievous grin, "Of course they would only have nice things to say."

A jig was probably a nice way of putting it. It was a rather disorganised dance at best, but it was best enjoyed in a large group. As there was only the two of them then it would probably be even more disorganised. It was a dance her mother had shown her on more than one occasion, as it was from the highlands. However, Caitrin did prefer the solo dances, they gave her a chance to show off. "I've never heard of that, perhaps you could show me?" She suggested, "I can dance a solo piece, but I've never heard it called that before." It was probably a different dance to the ones Caitrin knew, and it would be fascinating to watch and learn.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia felt there was something Caitrin was holding back on, but she didn’t think she had the right to pry. This was only their first true meeting, and maybe time would tell a few more tales about their personal lives. Or maybe it won’t. Everyone had the right to secrets, especially when they were nothing but personal. Caitrin would have her reasons for having somewhat mixed feelings about her family, and it was somehow evident in the fact that she was now here, in Camelot, living with her uncle and not with her core family. Odd, in a way Yassia was doing the same, living with her uncle that was, even though she did not intend to stay very long. But her uncle Kaye had been truly generous and kind, and she would never be able to pay him back.

Getting this wish and encouragement from Caitrin meant more to Yassia than she ever could possibly express. It made a bubble of happiness swell inside her, similar to that she had felt with Oliver, but at the same time totally different. Less ardent, calmer, but also more profound and all-embracing. For the first time in a long while, she felt what it was like to have the support and goodwill of a friend, someone you shared many things with, but who could also be a guide for you.
“Thank you.” It was not much, those simple two words, but Yassia had tried to put all her gratitude into them, and her eyes also were telling how much she was moved. “Of course I also wish for happiness, but I have learned to make do with what I have. It’s easier that way”, she added while turning back to her dinner as well. “Don’t think I’m a pessimist, but maybe I just was not made for the rose and pearl, despite being a princess.” She grinned. “We can’t all serve the cliché.”

Needlework?! Yassia nearly choked on a piece of meat in her surprise on hearing this. Had Caitrin just said the N-word? The cliché N-word all women were reduced to? But then, she had surely meant it in jest. And Yassia hadn’t dreaded needlework as much as those thoughts might make you think. Her hand’s work had been lauded by many, though healing had always held far more fascination than thread and needle.
“Oh of course”, she japed once she had swallowed her bite, “I could think of nothing more THRILLING than needlework. Seriously, before we stoop to that, let’s stay with the men topic!” Then she cocked her head in thinking, considering Caitrin’s question. “I’m sure it’s not the amount that matters, but WHAT they actually say about us that will differ. Then again… the idea of men talking about us when they’re alone slightly frightens me… do I WANT to know what they think about us?”

The idea of showing a customary dance of her kingdom to Caitrin was a very appealing one, but at the same time it also made her self-conscious. “It has a very special rhythm”, she tried to explain. “I don’t know if your musicians would be familiar with it… and without music? Hmmm…” She was clearly fighting a war inside her now. One half wanted to show off her skills, the other rather wanted to stay spectator only, or participate in something funny together with Caitrin. But her excitement won over eventually, and she leaned forward. “Maybe I could show them. It goes like this…” and she clapped her hands together in a fast, driving rhythm, first three triplet beats followed by two duplets.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin sometimes wondered if she would return to Mercia. Of course she had already planned to visit the Kingdom with Yassia, but to an extent that was just table talk. If Yassia really wanted to go then of course Caitrin would accompany her. She had promised to after all. Even if she did go back, it probably wouldn't be the same Mercia which she had left. For one, her siblings were probably all settled now, with children. She winced slightly at the thought. Married life would probably suit both of her sisters, she wasn't so sure about her brothers; but her sisters were both airheads, so running round after some noble would probably suit them.

Of course it was a given in her household that she would soon become engaged to Griff, but nothing would change between them. Caitrin certainly wouldn't turn into the subservient woman that most married women were expected to be. Griff probably knew that as well. However, one thing Caitrin did pride herself on was the fact that she was quite different to the girl who had left her Mercian home all those years ago.

It still upset Caitrin that her friend felt like she had such a burden. Well, she didn't just feel it, she knew that she held the fate of her people in her hands. Something shifted uncomfortably in Caitrin's stomach; she did hope Yassia found something good to hold onto. Who knows, perhaps this man would find himself in her life once more. "Your time will come I'm sure." And Caitrin was sure, Jesu, hadn't Yassia been through enough? "I don't think many of us serve that cliche." She then just smiled softly, Caitrin's life might seem quite happy and carefree now, but it hadn't always been like this.

Yassia's reaction to the topic of needlework brought a small bubble of laughter to Caitrin's lips. She put her chin in her hands and grinned at her friend. "Ah yes, we could always swap sewing techniques and suchlike." She winked, Jesu there was honestly nothing worse to converse about. Of course Caitrin was able to make her own dresses and embroider, but it wasn't something she enjoyed doing. It was a necessity rather than a pleasure. "I doubt we really want to know what men say about us in private." She shrugged softly. She certainly didn't want to know what Griff said about her to his brother, or the men at the tavern. Then again it was probably nothing she didn't know already. "I don't think I would like to think about what Griff says to the other men in Camelot." She voiced thoughtfully but grinned all the same.

Listening intently as Yassia began to beat out the rhythm she mimicked it slightly and began to find herself enjoying it. "One moment, I shall fetch the servants who can play, it would be of more use for you to show them. Then they can practice while we finish our meal?" Quickly the musicians were sent for, she only had a lute player, a fiddle player and one which played a drum, but it was more than adequate for their needs. Once the servants had joined them in the room she gestured to her guest, "Would you show them the beat you showed me? Then we can dance to it in a little while." She then turned round to her Uncle's servants with a smile, "I thank you all for being so attentive, now if you will, give the Princess Yassia your undivided attention."

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Talking about Caitrin’s life back in Mercia made pictures come to life Yassia normally liked to push back. But now she could not help thinking about the situation in her own country. What would have happened ever since she left. She had taken her father’s signet ring not only to prove her royal heritage, but also to hinder her uncle to take over the throne right away, with the most important royal signet missing. But knowing him he might have found a way around that by now. Had he told her people she was dead? Had they resigned to his rule, accepting a new dynasty with her cousin as heir to the throne? Or were they still hoping for her to come back? What would be the role Vortigern would play? He had held her captive for days, ready to hand her over to her uncle again, but then his father had intervened, allowing her to flee. Looking back on these events now, it almost didn’t feel like her own life, more like a fantastic tale. Or like a dream. Just that Yassia knew it was anything but a dream.

Your time will come… sometimes it was hard to always being put off to the future, especially when the future itself was nothing if not unsure. It was quite frightening to know as well that every step she took could change the fate of a thousand souls. Even treading quite as carefully might not cover the risk. But then, Caitrin was of course right. It might feel like she was all alone, carrying the world on her shoulders, but in fact she was anything but. She still had it better than many other people she had crossed paths with, her journey had opened her eyes to much misery in the world.
Smiling, she joked softly: “That’s true, if you ever meet a cliché happy princess or noblewoman, hold her up until I can find the time to see her, she must be a rarity. We all have our burden to carry, and most of the time happy endings belong to the fairytales.”

Still grinning and shaking her head, Yassia tried to envision herself and Cait sitting by a fireplace, heads bent over a tambour frame and chatting rather airheadedly about certain patterns and what yarn to use. “Let’s put that off for a time when our lives have become thoroughly dull”, she suggested with a sigh. “And I hope that’s still a long way off!”
Cocking her head, she listened to Caitrin’s pensive remark about Griff. Why would he ever talk badly about her? Surely Caitrin must know he would not do that? Then again, she had never met the man herself, she just couldn’t imagine Caitrin falling for someone who would slight her behind her back.
“I’m sure he’ll only laud you, or say nothing at all. Sometimes the silence of a man can speak volumes and is better than his words.” Yassia remembered her father never telling her mother he loved her, not even when the family was alone. But she had seen it in both their eyes, it was a vivid memory of her childhood.

Yassia’s eyes started to gleam as she saw the musicians coming in. Music was very dear to her heart and the prospect of lighting up the gloomy mood of just minutes ago with the joy of music filled her with happiness. She could already see Caitrin and herself skipping across the room attempting a dance that was usually meant for large groups, laughing themselves silly in the process. With any other lady Yassia would not have been sure if she would let her hair down like that in front of servants, but like she estimated Caitrin, she probably would not care, and that bode for a great time ahead.
Only too readily she inclined her head and repeated the rhythm she had shown Caitrin before. It was fast and driving, but also could have a slower part in the beginning were the dancer more swayed than moved her feet. She doubted they would get it perfectly, but then that was not the main reason for trying. She wanted to have fun and share cultural heritage.

“That’s it”, she ended her little demonstration after a short while. "I am interested to see what you can come up with, also concerning the melody.” For musicians were widely known to improvise to a certain rhythm given rather than reverting to a widely known repertoire of tunes. Smiling, she turned to Caitrin and took another bite of her meal, now anxious to finish it quickly. “This will be so wonderful! What a great idea of you!”

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin was anything but the typical cliche of a noblewoman, then again that was what she had always aimed to be. Caitrin always liked being the different one in the room. She already had an advantage because of her hair, but she had a fiery attitude and personality to match it. That had been what had attracted Griff to her, or so he'd told her. But then again, that was why it had always been so easy to pick up men in the past. She was different, and that was what men loved really wasn't it? They loved a challenge, and Caitrin had always proved willing. However, of course none of that mattered now. Caitrin had Griff, and she didn't want anyone else; challenge or no.

She grinned at Yassia, "She would truly be something to behold." She said thoughtfully. Caitrin had never come across a noblewoman who had had the perfect life. "But as of yet I have not come across any woman like that." She shrugged and returned back to her meal in a rather absent minded sort of way.

The thought of speaking at length about needlework till chilled Caitrin to the bone. "I hope there is never a point in my life when I am dull enough to speak about needlework." Hopefully there would be much more to occupy her mind in her later life to ensure she would never, ever, speak about needlework willingly. "No matter what changes may come in my life, you will never hear me speaking about such boring things." She giggled, Jesu she was sure there would be many changes in her life, but speaking of needlework would not be one of them.

Caitrin smiled back at her friend. She wasn't worried about what Griff said behind her back. It wouldn't be anything she hadn't heard before, and she had just as much to say about him. That wasn't a bad thing after all. It didn't do you any good to view your loved through rose tinted glasses. "Heh, well that is true." Caitrin ran a hand through her hair and pressed her lips together, "Perhaps we should leave the conversations of men to the ones who are having them. Besides, I bet they dread to think of what women converse about."

Caitrin just watched and waited as the musicians listened to Yassia's beat. They would probably improvise their own tune, but they were all talented enough so Caitrin was sure that she and Yassia were in for quite a fun evening. They all wandered off to the solar to practice and Caitrin turned her attentions back on her friend and found herself beaming. "Thank you, I just hope the dancing will pull together. But I am sure we will be able to come up with something." It didn't matter there was just the two of them, they could still have a good time regardless.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Now that they were mentioning it, Yassia thought to remember something from the idle gossip she had heard being spoken at one of the recent gatherings. Something about a lady that very well suited these clichés, but she was no lady of Camelot, had just been visiting once and many hoped she would never return again. Virian, or something, had been her name. She had truly lived up to every rule in the book concering a spoilt brat, from what Yassia had heard.
But then, she was not one to transport gossip and such just let the matter drop with an amused smile playing around her lips, as she was momentarily lost in her own thoughts. And anyway, it was not in the least a given that a woman who was given everything was a happy person. Who was she to judge, really?

Why the thought of needlework was still so amusing to Yassia, she couldn’t really tell, but the chuckles just would not stop. Maybe it was the mental image she had drawn, her and Caitrin sitting in the solar like they had a short while before, but now with crinkled skin and hair all white, bending over stitching frames they held with trembling hands… as if! But the picture was still funny! Somehow Yassia could not imagine either Caitrin or herself that old, sweet stars, she could not even imagine herself with children yet! How peculiar that was, she felt ready to rule a kingdom, but not ready to be a mother? Wasn’t the former an even greater responsibility?
”Well”, she jaffed and winked at her friend, “and if ever you SHOULD do it, be sure I’ll be there to say: I told you so and have a good laugh at you. Same applies for you. Deal?”

Even though they had been only talking for a short while, Yassia already felt like she had known Caitrin for a lifetime. Conversing with her, joking with her, telling her something she would not tell just anyone – it all came so natural, and she was savouring this feeling. If it was only for her, this night needed not to end too soon. She hadn’t had that much fun in months!
”I am almost certain they do”, she confirmed her friend’s notion with a fake serious nod, but she could not keep the smile off her face for long. “I bet deep down they feel we see through all their petty disguises and lies, and that must scare them witless.” Quite frankly, Yassia had often been called too naïve, and only seeing the best in people. That might have been true when younger, but the most recent events had rid her off her rose colored glasses quite well.

Clapping her hands once in delight, Yassia grinned at Caitrin, and savoured the last bite of her meal. “Knowing us I am sure we will! It doesn’t have to be perfect, I just love the motion in itself. There’s nothing more graceful than dancing. In Ailantha, the people have a saying that translates to: ‘Are we dancing because we’re human, or are we human because we’re dancing.’ It’s quite cryptical, but I think it is so true nevertheless.” Pushing her plate away, Yassia leaned back in her seat for a short moment and closed her eyes. “By the stars, this is the best evening I had in ages!”

[Caitrin de Archer]

Although Caitrin had been expecting to enjoy this evening as it was the first she had hosted with a fellow noblewoman, she was quite taken aback by how much she was enjoying herself. She supposed it was because she and Yassia were quite like minded and they were certainly getting on famously. Even though Caitrin was usually one for court life, and a diverse amount of company, for now she was just enjoying a more intimate experience. It seemed odd, but even amongst all of this she was still missing Griff and his ways, blundering about the house. That wasn't to say she wasn't enjoying Yassia's company, no it was quite the opposite. She enjoyed both Yassia and Griff's company but for different reasons. Obviously Griff satisfied one need in her life, and Yassia fulfilled others. She did hope that Yassia was enjoying herself as much as Caitrin was, an she was sure this would not be the last time they dined together.

Needlework was becoming an irritant in the conversation. It was honestly one of the worst topics to be thinking about over dinner. Of course it wasn't that she couldn't sew, no Caitrin prided herself upon some of her embroidery as it added to her image. She could probably stitch clothes for children as well, though she had obviously never had a need to. That wasn't something she would have to consider for some time she was sure. "Deal." She agreed with her friends jest. "I'm sure we will have things in our later life to keep us occupied so we will never have to resort to needlework as a topic of conversation."

Caitrin could never imagine scaring Griff with the way she was. She couldn't ever imagine him being intimidated by any part of her but it was still amusing to think that he might ever be nervous or intimidated by anything she did or said. She knew of men at court who couldn't speak to women, Griff's brother was one of them, but that didn't really matter did it? "Well as long as you make sure that one is not scared witless of you then its fine." A woman only needed one man in her life after all. As fond of Griff as Caitrin was, she honestly wouldn't be able to cope with more than one of him.

Caitrin could see the dancing ending up in some sort of mess, but that didn't matter really did it? As long as she and Yassia had a good time then it didn't matter how silly they looked. The servants were already used to the Lady of the house being a little unconventional so it wouldn't be anything new for them. She couldn't help but grin with pride as Yassia declared this the best evening she had had in ages. "Oh I am glad!" She expressed with nothing but enthusiasm, "I have to say I can't remember enjoying myself this much in company for some time. And I'm sure the dancing will only add to this enjoyment." Caitrin then finished off her meal and looked across at her guest, "Why don't we listen to the musicians practice while we let our dinner settle?"

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Maybe they really should leave the topic of needlework now, Yassia thought with a little wince. That word just hung awkwardly between them, and she just realized, even agreeing to NOT talk about it, was apparently nothing else BUT talking about it. That was probably the sweet revenge the boring topic got on everyone trying to ignore it. Or were they too ruled by the common consent of their cultures to really break free of it? What a discouraging thought! Hadn’t they just talked about NOT being cliché noblewoman/princesses? And here they were undermining their own statements!
Gladly, Caitrin’s comment provided Yassia with another direction to steer the conversation into.
”That reminds me… what DO you actually view yourself as when older? Do you think of children? How many? And what would you envision them doing? And yourself? I’m sure you must have wasted some idle thoughts on that yet?”

Someone scared witless of HER? Yassia couldn’t help but laugh right out at that sheer thought. In her eyes, there was no one less indimidating than herself. Well, she could cast her daggers quite skillfully, but the day when she truly threatened someone with that was still to come, and she didn’t even want to. Violence was not her… apart from when her temper took over of course. Hmm… now that she thought about it, hadn’t she seen fear in a few people’s eyes when she had been lashing out at them? Servants mostly? Gladly it hadn’t happened often, and Yassia wasn’t below apologizing for her fits even towards servants.
”I don’t aim to be feared”, she joked lightly. “So I don’t think that will ever be a problem. I rather fear I am too much of a pushover… in some aspects only of course.” Because if she had been a total pushover, she now would warm her cousin’s bed and pretend to be happy. “I will stand my ground for what I believe, and if that someone can’t deal with that and calls me a stubborn screw behind my back, then…” she sighed, “he’s simply not the one.”

Yassia’s heart swelled even more as Caitrin confirmed she enjoyed herself.That was all she needed to know, and a look in her friend’s eyes told her she was not just saying that. She was not pretending just for Yassia’s sake. If that was the little happy moments the stars still granted her on her arduous path, then she would never complain again. They could weigh out the bad things so easily.
”Oh your poor servants”, she teased. “I hope they won’t be mortified by being observed by us…” But, belieing her words, she immediately rose from the table, smoothing out her skirts out of habit. “Then again, this is your house, I don’t think they would have much of a say in this matter, and relaxing to music before dancing to music sounds just like the perfect pastime to me.”
Of course, dancing right after a meal was nothing too healthy, Caitrin was right to let it settle first. Especially as Yassia had the feeling they would not hold themselves up on slow courteous dances, but in fact would be skipping across the room pretty soon.