Becoming One [Yassia]

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

Apart from her beauty and natural grace, Yassia has a good heart. She was no haughty princess who thinks only of herself and what she wants. Even Edmund's father and mother had seen it themselves since Yassia arrived in the castle, during their meals together, during their short conversations here and there. She was a princess any prince would be proud to present to his parents. Sure, Edmund wished she could loosen up a bit being so prim and proper all the time they had been together, never forgetting her manners, but he decided to take what he was going to get. She was always the epitome of proper decorum, sometimes Edmund wished she had a wild side that could let loose. Sure, she had wandered Albion as a nomad, but Edmund surmised she might just be as modest and well-behaved then as she was now. He wondered how she survived. If Yassia ever had a wild and devil-may-care side, Edmund had yet to see it. Otherwise, Edmund feared that he might get bored too soon. He had to admit he liked his women feisty and fiery. Ah, but who knows, perhaps Yassia will loosen up once she had settled into her place and position here in Mercia.

Edmund had heaved a sigh of relief when Yassia agreed to his thoughts about the war. While that was certainly a relief, he still couldn't get over the fact that Camelot had detained his father. Granted, both sides do not trust each other after their hostile history, but still, what Camelot did, imprisoning guests was unforgivable. Edmund, however, did not voice the thought that he was still harboring a good deal ill-will towards Camelot and Arthur Pendragon. Even Bayard himself was still keen on acquiring the kingdom. But of course, nobody knows this but Edmund and his father. Lady Adelaide and Oliver would flip when they find out that the treaty was really all just pretenses, something to let Camelot's guard down. The queen and her youngest son had been the huge advocates of the peace treaty. He only smiled and nodded at Yassia words.

He couldn't quite read the play of emotions on Yassia's face. If she was pleased or pissed, she hides it very well. Dang her superb princess training. But Edmund was confident that he would get an answer in the affirmative not long now. Yassia was probably just playing hard to get, trying not to come off as too eager to be his queen. Edmund could give her that, he was patient enough as it is. For Yassia, this was a win-win situation. Not only will she find herself a seat in one of Albions strongest kingdoms, she will also have all the means to take her kingdom back from her selfish relatives. When she finally responded with an awkward little laugh, Edmund mirrored her with a chuckle of her own. "I would be deeply honored to have a beautiful and intelligent lady rule my kingdom beside me someday," he implored her, as he took her hand in his, the ring grasped in the other. "You will have the entire Mercian army at your disposal, the council would never deny their soon-to-be queen the help she needs."

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

The words Edmund had spoke were still hanging in the air between them, and slowly the silence was getting thick and Yassia could practically feel the sword coming down on her, the sword that would cut her life in two parts that would never be connected again. She had to make a choice, but at the same time, she knew there wasn’t even a choice. Not really. Edmund had brought up the perfect predicament, one Yassia – as she realized now – had always been afraid of. But why, why??!! WHY were the stars so intent of blocking her every path, mock her with every obstacle they threw in her way? Just as she thought things would look up finally, just as she thought she could get a few things in order, they interfered again. The panic Yassia had felt a minute earlier had subsided and been replaced by a spreading numbness. It just wasn’t fair. Had she really deserved being put through all of this? Did it feel like that when you were kicked when already down? Perhaps. She didn’t know. She didn’t know anything anymore, apart from that she had to make a decision soon, but that this decision would kill a part of her, however it would be in the end. If she at least had a real CHOICE! That was really the worst of it all! If there had been anyone else worthy to take up the throne, she might have considered it for real, might have told her heart to shut up and do what was best for her kingdom. Only that this was not the best for her kingdom. This arrangement would only benefit one person. Edmund.

And Yassia realized she didn’t like that. She didn’t want it. What kind of proposal had THAT been anyway?! He had told her what a wonderful queen she would make, like he was talking about his favourite bracelet that would go oh-so-well with his flawless haircut and pretty face! Did he even want HER?! Yassia was inclined to say no. Of course, marrying for love was a luxury the poorest peasant could more easily afford than the richest king, and Yassia had always known her duties would come first. She would have even tried to live with seeing Oliver every day, and yet knowing she could not have him. It would have killed her inside, but she could have tried. But had anyone ever demanded from her to marry against love AND reason?! That surely couldn’t be the stars’ wishes! There was just no sense behind it all, and yet she had to MAKE sense of it somehow, if she wanted to carry on with her life. She had to refuse… but if she refused, she had no doubt Edmund would be wounded enough to renounce his support for her on the spot. There just wasn’t any way to break it to him nice enough so he wouldn’t, it was impossible! Suddenly, a devastating thought came creeping up from the very lowest parts of Yassia’s mind, and it filled her with nothing but dread as she realized what her only way out of this tight spot might be. She would have to leave. Steal away like a thief in the night so no one could to convince her otherwise. She would not get the chance for any goodbyes as those she cared for would try to hold her up, talk reason into her confused brain. She would journey back to Ailantha and try on her own, because this had been the ultimate lesson that nothing ever came without a price. And just like the first, this one was just so much more than she could bear. Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha would return to her kingdom with less than she had fled, empty handed and disillusioned. Maybe she should marry Stephane after all, as this marriage would at least give her the chance to be a shadow queen to her people rather than no queen at all. For as long as her uncle granted her to live.

Feeling her heart getting heavier and heavier, Yassia came to this decision, while Edmund was still imploring her to become his queen. She needed to buy time now. But how? Then a faint memory stirred inside her, something Oliver had said. It would be her own silent goodbye to him to heed the last advice he had given her:
“My brother is enamored by your beauty, use it to your advantage to get what you want, on your terms." His soft voice echoed in her head, almost causing her heart to break on the spot. Had he known? Had he had any idea of what Edmund had been about to do? Had he maybe even tried to warn her? Well, in the end it didn’t matter anymore. She would honor his advice. It was time she needed, time to make arrangements for her imminent leave. And so for time she would ask.
”Edmund…” she started softly, trying hard on a smile. By no means could he suspect anything now! “You surely understand that as much as I’d like to, I can’t give you an answer right away. As Princess, I was born with much responsibility. Every choice I make will affect my people as well, whether for good or bad. You have been brought up to the same burden on your shoulder, so I know you will understand me. Can you give me a little time to decide? Just to be sure?”

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

"Edmund..."

And here it was. His name on her lips sounded like the sweetest of wines. But he knew nothing could be sweeter than what would come next. In his head, he could already imagine what she would tell him. In her usual modest and princess-like way, she would give him her most awaited "yes", and Edmund would slip the ring into her finger. They would kiss, they would embrace, and they would make sweet love the whole night through. He wondered if Yassia was still all innocent and pure. She must be. He couldn't imagine her doing it with a man before him. And he couldn't help but feel rather excited and all heated up at the thought of being the first one to show her the wonders of lovemaking. He had not made his assistant make extra effort in making his chambers, especially his bed, look and smell nice for nothing. Tonight, Edmund was going to take Yassia, and she would become his queen.

"You surely understand that as much as I’d like to, I can’t give you an answer right away."

What?! Edmund couldn't believe what he was hearing. Surely, she was only being modest and coy. No woman in their right mind would make a prince with a marriage proposal wait, especially not one with a predicament such as hers.

"As Princess, I was born with much responsibility. Every choice I make will affect my people as well, whether for good or bad. You have been brought up to the same burden on your shoulder, so I know you will understand me."

Exactly! The proposal was for her and her people. Why did she have to delay? Edmund heaved a deep sigh as he tried to see the logic in the situation. There was no way that Yassia was going to decline his proposal, so this was merely just here trying to be all the proper princess, to take time to think it over so as not to appear too eager. Edmund knew Yassia would say yes. He would just have a wait a little while for that answer.

"Can you give me a little time to decide? Just to be sure?”

The words she used amused Edmund. As if she really needed time to decide. What other option does she have? She had made it clear that Camelot was too busy to help her out. Is she going to go and find herself princes from other kingdoms who could offer her help. That was uncertain. This here, his proposal and the eventual offering of the Mercian army, this was certain. She's an intelligent princess. She knows that. But Edmund was going to be a true prince and gentleman. He couldn't force her. He will give her what she wanted.

"Of course, princess. You, of all people, would understand what your decision will mean for your kingdom," he told her with a forced smile as he stood up from where he was kneeling and moved back to his seat. He placed the ring back on its little pouch, and took a swig from his wine. "We are set to meet the council in a couple of days. I hope you will have your decision by then. It would be easy to convince them if they know they are helping their future queen." Edmund didn't mean to be blunt, but knew Yassia would see the reasons for what they are.

---

Walking the gardens was the young Prince Oliver who couldn't seem to stay put and calm in his own room. He had tried drinking to sleep, but the wine only made his thoughts go crazy with images of Edmund and Yassia entwined in each other's arms. So he decided to take a walk instead, and found himself in the gardens that afforded him a view of Edmund's balcony. The light inside was still blazing bright, which meant that he and Yasssia were probably still having dinner. Edmund had told him he would propose by dessert time, and Oliver tried but failed to block off the mental image of his brother kneeling in front of Yassia, a ring in his hand. The ring. Oliver had suggested to Edmund to ask their mother if she would be so kind as to part with her engagement ring so he could offer it to Yassia. Edmund scoffed at the idea. Yassia doesn't deserve hand-me-downs, he remembered Edmund responding, she deserved the something more. And so Edmund had commissioned the royal goldsmith to make a new ring. Oliver thought it was a missed opportunity as their mother's engagement ring had been a Strathmore heirloom, handed down from generation to generation. It may be old, but was more precious and priceless than the new ring he had made. Yassia would appreciate the value in their mother's ring.

He took a swig straight from the bottle in his hand as he looked up at the balcony and its wide open doors. He wanted to throw a rock or something towards it just for kicks, but stopped himself. He chuckled at the idea, and could imagine Edmund's reaction to Oliver breaking the possibly romantic atmosphere of the night. Edmund may deserve that, but Yassia doesn't. This ought to be a special night for her. After all that she gone through for her people, she deserved this night to be what she wanted it to be. It was going to be memorable as she say yes not just to Edmund but practically to the freedom of Ailantha. She would say yes. She would marry Edmund. And the thought only made Oliver so jealous that he angrily threw the bottle of wine against a tree. It immediately shattered into pieces, and Oliver could feel his own heart breaking as well. Heavens! He loved Yassia. He loved her so much it hurts. And he hated it because it was this love that was making him step back and step out of the way, that was making him do nothing but suffer in silence. Crazy, stupid love.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

This was hands down the hardest decision Yassia had ever been forced to make. It ranked even before the one she had made two years ago, when she had decided to rather leave her kingdom and find help elsewhere. That had been a decision to make her heart bleed and heavy with sorrow – but now she felt even worse, she felt defeated. In the end, all her troubles had proven to be in vain after all. Camelot, as much as it might have liked to help her, was far too much occupied with its own threats to be able to send the soldiers with her she needed, and now… now she had been utterly betrayed. Why had she been so naïve to believe that the help she had been seeking would come without a price? Nothing in this world was ever for free! And how could she have been so blind not to recognize Edmund’s true intentions towards her?
Because I refused to see… because I only saw what I wanted to see… just like with Guifré. I am not fit to rule any kingdom, let alone my own… I am far too easily played.


Edmund’s words and her own echoed in Yassia’s mind as her trembling hands sought to write down a few lines that hopefully would explain what was inexcusable.
"We are set to meet the council in a couple of days. I hope you will have your decision by then. It would be easy to convince them if they know they are helping their future queen."
I know I am in your hands Edmund… there is no need to rub it in… But of course she had not said that. Instead she had promised him: “One night is all I need. Tomorrow you will know my answer.”
Because tomorrow I’ll be gone…

It was the only way out of the predicament she could think of, but the cowardice of it all still tore her apart. Was that how a queen should act? No. Was that how any sane being should act? Certainly not. But it seemed that Yassia the princess and future queen had been reduced to Yassia the coward. She knew how to run, she had done it before. And so she would run again, maybe would keep on running for the rest of her life. Had she said yes to Oliver’s plea to run away with her, start somewhere new back then, she wouldn’t be any wiser than she was now. But happier. Much, much happier. Was this what her life had come down to? A neverending chain of missed up chances and ‘what if only’s? Maybe. There was nothing she could do now, aside from starting from scratch all over again, return to day one, return to zero. Because giving up had never been in Yassia’s nature.
And she would not cry. She had long since learned the lesson that tears would you get nowhere, they only made you weak.

Restlessly, Yassia threw the quill on her writing desk and started packing instead. First things first. She could only travel lightly, and her march through half of Albion had given her a good idea on how much she would be able to carry. It was time to revive Yassia the nomad again. With still trembling hands the princess changed into that old and worn riding gown she had never been able to throw away after her journey had ended. It had become a part of her. She would only be able to take one other gown with her, and the decision was quickly made. It could not be the one she had worn tonight, as it would always remind her of things she’d rather forget. She would take the gown with her she had ordered to be made for Caitrin’s pre-wedding feast. Ailanthan colors and Mercian cut. A reminder of Caitrin and a reminder of a wonderful night in Mercia. In this gown she had danced the Soléa. In this gown she had danced with Oliver. In this gown she had been happy. It would do well as a keepsake.

Finally, as her little belongings were safely stored away and lay on her bed, ready to be picked up, Yassia found the strength to sit down and write the two letters of goodbye she had to write. One for Edmund, and one for Caitrin. A plea for forgiveness and understanding, a sad farewell and thank you for all that had been done. She would not leave one for Oliver. There simply were no words.

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

That was fast. Oliver told himself when he saw that the lights in Edmund's antechamber had already started to dim before even an hour had passed. So it seems Yassia didn't need a lot of convincing. Oliver had hoped that she had at least put up some semblance of a fight. Well, not a real fight, but a negotiation of sorts, ironing out details and stuff, arguing over her responsibilities as soon-to-be queen of Mercia, discussions about when the wedding would be, things like that. Well, she probably didn't want to. She probably just let Edmund lead her to his bedchambers where he takes all the freedom to get to know his betrothed more under the sheets. Who could blame her really? Edmund was handsome, he was Crown Prince. And she was just a princess who badly needed what he could give. It was a win-win situation for both of them indeed. So much for giving her a little ammunition before facing Edmund. So much for telling her to use her beauty to get what she wanted. Well, maybe she did. Maybe she did twirl Edmund around her little fingers to seal the deal with her right then and there. If a child were to be borne out of this night, good for them. Oliver would need to tell the army to prepare themselves for a long journey across the ocean to fight for a kingdom not their own.

His drunken mind wondered what had made her seal the deal so quickly. Was it the ring, so finely crafted by no less than the royal goldsmiths? That ring had quite a number of diamonds on it to possibly even buy half a small kingdom back. Or was it the promise of finally being able to help Ailantha? That was all she had traveled across Albion for, wasn't it? Now her travels and waiting is finally at an end, and she could go back stronger than she left it with a strong army behind her. Or was it Edmund and his amazing charm with women? Oliver didn't even want to know how Edmund did the proposal. Either way, it was over now. Yassia will finally get her wish and Edmund will get himself a queen. May they live long and prosper, Oliver thought as he gave a clumsy little salute towards Edmund's balcony. He decided to move along now. The last thing he wanted to hear were moans of pleasure coming out of that open balcony.

He had intended to get back into the castle and up to his rooms but somehow, he found himself standing beside his horse Arrow. He must have missed a turn somewhere and got him to the stables instead of an entrance back into the castle. It was almost getting late though, so the servants were already mostly in bed or are doing final clean up before calling it a night. The stables, for one, are already devoid of life, save of course the horses who have also started to doze off. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to wake you up," he whispered to Arrow as he opened the door to his stall and stepped in. He gently massaged Arrow's nose as he rested his head against Arrow's neck. "I just wanted some company tonight. Edmund is getting married, and it makes me sad. Why it makes me sad? Because he is marrying the girl of my dreams. Yassia. You've met Yassia back in the woods. I didn't get to thank you for pushing me into the river, by the way. You saw what happened after that right?" he told Arrow with a goofy grin on his face. Then he immediately dropped the grin as soon as he remembered what he was there for. "Anyway, my beloved brother is taking her away from me. Why do I let him take her away from me you ask? Because she needs him more than she needs me. She needs to go fight some battle and Edmund can give her her army. I can't." Drunk Oliver was lost in his own conversation with his beloved horse. "You don't mind if I stay here with you for the night, do you? I can't seem to find my way back into the castle. I think they've locked me out." He said as he started looking around and found a pile of hay. He kicked his boots off and then clumsily lowered himself onto the hay and lied down. "Just for tonight, love. I'll be out as soon as the sun is up, I promise."

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Now Yassia had made her decision and prepared everything she could, waiting was the hardest part. She would have to wait until these magical hours where dawn was not far, but still so far off the servants would still be asleep. It would be a tedious night, she already knew that, and her bad conscience didn’t make it any easier to bear. But she did not reconsider, not for long anyway. There was no other way, she had to leave. Now, for the remaining time, she tried to think as little as she could about the consequences. She just knew that she also could not stop by in Camelot and say goodbye to her uncle Kay. That hurt more than most of the other betrayals she was about to inflict on others. Caitrin would be livid, but maybe she’ll understand to an extent. Edmund would feel betrayed of course, but then he soon would find another suitable young girl and be happy with her, without the trouble of having to win back another kingdom first. Oliver… Yassia pushed that thought back. He would probably miss her as a friend, but he soon would find another girl to play with as well. But Sir Kaye… he would be betrayed yet again, by a young woman who had become dear to his heart, vanishing without a trace. She would do voluntarily what her mother had been forced to do. And this time it might break him fully. Why did she have to cause so much pain in her life? She really did not want that! But if there was any other way out of this, she could not see it. Guifré needed to be stopped, and Yassia would have to honor her father’s wish.

King Diodore had said with his dying breath that he did not fear for her future, as he trusted her to make her way. Would he still think so now, after all that had happened? Or would he look down at her with this familiar crease of worry over his eyes? Would he regret to have put so much confidence her, when he saw what happened in his kingdom, while his daughter wasted month after month in foreign lands.
”Volia fer les coses bé, papà.” She whispered, biting her lips. “Però sembla que ho vaig fer tot malament. T’has equivocat. Perdona.”¹ But if her father could hear her, up where he dwelled now with the stars and the souls of his predecessors, he did not give her any sign. The room remained silent and still, and Yassia felt utterly alone.
But she didn’t allow herself to wallow in misery for long. It would immobilize her, make it impossible for her to think, and yet she needed a ready mind now like never before. She had to think up a good excuse why she should be out at this time of day, long before dawn. Well, everyone around here knew her connections with herbs by now... she could easily think up one that had to be collected before the sun rose so it would keep its healing power. She was sure the guards wouldn’t know much about herbs anyway, and then she still had her royal authority to use. She had been a valued guest here, not a prisoner.

Finally the candle in her room showed Yassia enough time had passed, and she stood up, gathering her bag with again trembling hands, taking the two letters with her. She would push them under Caitrin’s and Edmund’s door, as silently as she could, as to not awake them. Gladly the corridors were deserted as she sneaked through the now almost familiar castle. Edmund’s letter was quickly delivered, but Yassia stayed outside Caitrin’s door for quite some moments, her hand hovering over the wooden frame, desperately wanting to knock. But this time, her friend would not be able to help her. It was too late for any second-guessing.
Biting her lips and squaring her shoulders to not lose her composure now. She could not risk making any sound. As silent as a ghost, Yassia made her way across the courtyard, her cloak fluttering behind her like eerie bats’ wings. Once she reached the stables, she slowed down her pace and tried to make really no noise at all, as to not alarm the horses. But of course, some started to grunt, being disturbed in their sleep.

Her own mount wasn’t very happy at all to be bothered at this time of night, it whinnied and stomped its dainty hooves, rearing her head and rolling her eyes as Yassia felt for the bridle. “Shhh... shhh, be quiet!” she whispered urgently. “Don’t you wake your brothers and sisters, no one can know!” There would be no time to saddle the horse, but she had learned to ride without one, so that would not be any trouble. The trouble would be getting the steed out of the stables now. “Come!” she whispered again and tugged at the reins. “Come, we must go!” Her voice broke at the last word, and she had to swallow hard. Great, now they were coming after all, the tears.

---

¹: "I wanted to do it well, dad. But I did everything wrong. You were wrong. Forgive me."

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

Oliver knew he had fallen asleep just as soon as his head hit the hay. He hadn't drank like that in a long while now, and somehow his system got too overwhelmed to handle the amount of liquor he consumed tonight. And not to mention, he had completely skipped dinner. He was too preoccupied and already too wasted to face his parents at the dining table, so he had instructed his servant to bring his dinner to his room. It had remained untouched except for the bottle of wine that was already more than halfway empty. That bottle of wine now lay shattered at the foot of some tree by the garden, the wine probably intoxicating the ants that were making a small home there somewhere.

“Shhh... shhh, be quiet!”

He knew he ought to be dead to the world, but the sound somehow found a way into his head that it made Oliver turn over in his bed of hay. And of course, the horse was making quite a raucous. It was probably just the wind talking, his head rationalized as he fought between sleep and waking up.

“Don’t you wake your brothers and sisters, no one can know!”

Reluctantly, Oliver's eyes fluttered open at the voice. He have had enough sleep to wash off a bit of the remnants of the night's drink, and he could vaguely register the voice to be familiar, very familiar. He slowly sat up on his pile of hay, and tried to find out where the voice was coming from. Truly, this was a very unholy hour to be bothering even the horses. The stablemaster needed to rein not just the horses but his own stablehands and their maidens. The stable was not the place for clandestine couplings. They could spook the horse. Or was it...was someone stealing the horses?

“Come, we must go!”

Finally, Oliver stood up and a flash of bright crazy lights flooded inside his head. He shouldn't have done that, he told himself as he placed a hand to steady the thumping that was beating inside his skull. When he finally recovered, he turned to the stall beside Arrow's and saw a dark-haired woman pulling on the reins of one of horses that they usually let their guests use. There wasn't much light to illuminate her face, so he couldn't make out much of her. Oliver's foggy mind knew that voice, but he couldn't quite place it.

"What are you doing?" he demanded in as strong a voice as he could muster. He stepped out of Arrow's stall, tightly holding onto the walls, supporting himself up as he walked groggily towards where the woman was. "And who are--" Oliver stopped when he was finally standing closer, and saw who it was.

"Yassia?" His mind was still muddled with alcohol to do any serious thinking, so all that came out of him was a purely curious little voice. "What are you doing down here? Shouldn't you be with Edmund...?" Oliver felt that something was afoot. Yassia couldn't be down here in the stables way past midnight and waking a horse up in the quietest way she could. He wanted to think, he wanted to figure out what it was, but the drunken stupor was still there, and a bad case of hangover was about to set in.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

There was a stirring in the hay somewhere that made Yassia’s heartbeat falter and stop for a second. She froze and held her breath, trying to fight against the panic assaulting her mind. It must have been one of the horses… she told herself after a few moments where nothing had happened. Of course it was the horses, no one who wasn’t completely mad or desperate would be in the stables at this time of night! No, she really needn’t worry! Releasing the pent-up breath in a long, shaky sigh, Yassia once again tugged at the reins of her horse to lead it further out into the corridor. Only a few more meters and then she would be out of the stall and had to make her way towards the gate, where the next obstacle would wait, the guards. She knew she would already need to start concentrating on a calm and collected face, to not give them any inklings to her real intentions. Hopefully the bag she was carrying wasn’t too suspcious. As for the saddle, well, she would play the weak woman and say she wouldn’t have wanted to wake anyone so he could help her.

Just as Yassia felt a little bit safer and more sure that she could actually make it, there was another rustling sound near her,coming from one of the boxes to her left. And then suddenly, a dark figure shot up from the ground, or at least tried to shoot up and ended up staggering against the wooden walls of the box. There was only the dim moonlight to go with, and as such Yassia didn’t recognize the figure right away, only guessed it had to be a man, with fair hair speckled with straw. Shocled and surprised, Yassia backed off against her steed, looking like a deer in the headlight for a moment, before she could compose herself again. What was happening here? Who was this? Had she disturbed one of the stablelads’ secret meeting with some maid? The though made Yassia blush bright crimson, despite the tight spot she found herself in. Goodness, those Mercian’s really did only have ONE thing on their minds, didn’t they?!

But then she heard the voice.
"What are you doing?"
There was no mistaking this voice, however slurry and sleepy it sounded. Yassia’s hand darted towards her mouth so she could hold back a scream. NO! Not THIS again! When would the stars finally give up mocking her?! Hadn’t they brought her low enough, did they now want to kick her until she gave out? What was Oliver doing here?! And with WHOM was he here?! Sweet stars, this was NOT how she had wanted to keep him in her memory! This was NOT how she had wanted to part from him. It was the perfect mirroring of the scene when they had first met again, and it was cruel beyond belief to let this be how it ended, let this be how she would keep him in mind. Drunk… and in the arms of another.

But this time, she would not confront him. She would brush past him and forget about it, hoping to get away unnoticed--
"Yassia?"
So this time he recognized her after all. For a moment, Yassia closed her eyes and bit her lip so hard she could taste blood. Now all was lost. She would have to declare her reasons to him, and she didn’t feel up to that at all. Would he let her go? Would he alarm guards and escort her back into her room, leave them there to ensure she would not slip away again? And in the morning she would have to answer Edmund’s question. But she could not. She would have to cause a scene and a scandal, and live through it, see the shocked faces of everyone. Exactly what she had wanted to avoid.

"What are you doing down here? Shouldn't you be with Edmund...?"
That did it for Yassia. She felt something inside her break to pieces and it might have well been her heart. So Oliver had known. He had let her walk into this trap with eyes wide open, and had found himself the next willing girl right away. How could he?! He had betrayed their friendship once again.
Almost brutally, she jerked at the reins, and tried to push past him. “No, I am NOT with Edmund and I never will be, even though everyone in this cursed kingdom seems to want it! Now go back to that woman you’re hiding in the box and let me PASS” It didn’t sound as angry as she had wanted, more… desperate and sad. Again she had to fight down hot stinging tears.

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

There was only so much his alcohol-addled mind could make of the situation, but Oliver was trying his hardest to focus. He needed to. Something inside him was telling him that he needed to, that he cannot take this as merely one of their happenstance meetings all over the castle or in the forest. There was something going on here, something big, something significant. Inwardly, he cursed the headache that was starting to spread. It was the last thing he needed now. Something had gone down between Edmund and Yassia, and Oliver was not in the right frame of mind to attack it. The look on her face when their eyes had met spoke millions, and Oliver somehow regretted consuming almost all of the wine in that bottle.

"No, I am NOT with Edmund and I never will be, even though everyone in this cursed kingdom seems to want it!"

Did she just say what he thought she said? She was here, so she was obviously not with Edmund. But what does she mean by she "never will be" with him? Did she just turn down Edmund's proposal. Oliver stopped in his tracks, and couldn't quite believe his ears. Surely, she couldn't possibly be teasing him like this. Not when he's already down in the pits at the thought of his brother taking the only woman he had loved like this in all his life. That was simply cruel, even for Yassia. Can she not see what this was all doing to him? What she was doing to him?

"Now go back to that woman you’re hiding in the box and let me PASS.”

And now she had the gall to accuse him of bedding another woman, in a pile of hay no less! Does she really consider him that low? That he would run to the next available wench to appease his pain and forget the heartache that was practically killing him now. He might as well have had he known she would brush him so easily as this! Ultimately livid at the way she was treating him and decided enough was enough, Oliver blocked her path. He moved towards her and grabbed the reins from her hands, trying to steady himself after another onslaught of pain that sliced his skull at the movement. As he held the reins of the horse, only then did it click in his clouded mind. She was leaving? The realization did nothing to quell his growing irritation however. If any, it only fueled it more. "I don't know what game you are playing, Yassia, but you are going to explain everything to me right now," he demanded, his voice low, bitter, angry.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

With every moment that passed, Yassia became more desperate and annoyed. She was losing valuable time while Oliver was holding her up, and she also didn’t need an audible confrontation and not-so-very subtle dispute in the stables that could alarm anyone inside a second! Couldn’t he just let her GO? Why was he so insistent in holding her back and accusing her of anything in the whole wide world? He was DRUNK for the stars’ sake! And Yassia couldn’t deny either that seeing him like this made her desperately sad. A tiny voice in her head wondered why he was wasting himself right in this very moment. Well, he never had been averse to strong beverages, the numerous occasions where she had witnessed him drunk proved that, but then there had always been some kind of reason as well. The first time he had drunk along with her, and she had needed it against the pain. The second time had been a feast – it seemed fashionable for young nobles to get drunk when there was wine for free – but now? It was an ordinary day… or was it?

The tiny voice in her head just didn’t want to shut up, urging her to see one special connection her mind had not made yet. He had thought she would be with Edmund. He had known Edmund was going to propose to her, by the way he had reacted. Despite being angry at that fact, it also made her stop and think for a moment. He had known all this – and he was so drunk he hardly could stand upright. Had she been wrong to accuse him of having someone else with him? So far, if there even was one single other soul in the stables with them, she was keeping extremely quiet. Was there even someone else? Suddenly, Yassia felt stupid on top of annoyed and angry. That was a deadly combination, especially for someone with a temper such as her. Being angry at someone else and being angry at yourself didn’t mix well. It didn’t mix well at all.

Oliver seemed to lose his patience and temper slowly as well, and Yassia had to suppress a wince as he grabbed the reins from her hands and blocked her path. He wanted a confrontation? Oh well, she would give him that! It certainly looked like they had reached that point again! Forgetting all measures of stealth, Yassia stood upright and pushed back the hood that had still covered her head. Then she met Oliver’s gaze with a distinctive glare, and said:
“I’m not the one playing games here, but that trait seems to run in the family! Your brother betrayed me and you knew it! I thought his friendliness and willingness to help me was born out of goodwill, but I should have known that nothing comes without a prize,” Her voice turned as bitter as his had been, but now it also was desperate. “So I’m leaving. I’m going back to Ailantha and try my luck alone.”

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

The moment she pulled the hood back, Oliver almost winced at the full sight of her, as if figuratively he had been blinded by light. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, his heart skipped a beat when she saw her face. She was, and always will be, beautiful in his eyes, but he saw something else there, something that had made him flinch in the first place. The twinkle that he had gotten used to seeing in her eyes every time they meet was no longer there. In its place was anger, betrayal and a deep sense of sadness that seemed to extend even towards him. He was really starting to hate the searing pain that was now enclosing not only his head but a good deal of his chest. He didn't like seeing her like this. She was not supposed to look and feel so desperate and wretched. Edmund's proposal was supposed to make her the happiest woman alive. Not only would she be guaranteed the army she needed to take back her country, she would also find herself soon-to-be Queen of Mercia. Surely, that would be a dream come true for any lady. But it seems, to Yassia, it only made her even more miserable. At the back of his drunken mind, something was telling Oliver that he was missing a point somewhere, that he needed to fight the headache and try to see clearly as he always does in situations like this.

"I’m not the one playing games here, but that trait seems to run in the family! Your brother betrayed me and you knew it!"

Then she spoke, and the glare she sent his way was like a dagger--no, a million daggers--straight to his heart. Oliver tried not to get himself distracted by the sadness in her eyes to understand her words clearly. She was now accusing his family of being deceitful now, and Oliver was tempted to defend themselves. How dare she speak of his family like that? After all that they had done for her? After all the troubles they were about to go through just to give her what she needed? But then he stopped at her allegations of Edmund's duplicity. Did Edmund take back his promise? Edmund was bent on proposing to her, did he have a case of the cold feet? That was just absurd. Edmund was even more convinced of the marriage than he was. He couldn't have changed his mind in the few minutes since they had spoken. If anything, Oliver knew his brother to be very stubborn. What Edmund wants, Edmund gets. And he wanted Yassia.

"I thought his friendliness and willingness to help me was born out of goodwill, but I should have known that nothing comes without a prize,”

Oliver felt his hand tighten on the horse's reins in his hand. Even with alcohol swimming in his head, this one was not hard to comprehend. Edmund had indeed proposed, and she had turned it down. Sadly, with alcohol swimming in his head, Oliver was not in total control of his senses, and more often than not, the wrong words always find their way out. "Shouldn't you be grateful instead?! Edmund would willingly give you his army, and he could lose them all if the fight for Ailantha goes downhill! He could even lose the trust of his own people for risking our army for you! But you, you have nothing to lose! You are going to be queen!" Oliver still couldn't wrap his head around that fact. Everything was being handed to her on a silver platter. Why was she refusing such a wonderful gift? It didn't make any sense at all.

“So I’m leaving. I’m going back to Ailantha and try my luck alone.”

This time, Oliver couldn't help but scoff at her. "I knew you were stubborn, but this is just plain stupid! This is for you! Why are you refusing it?!" Oliver let go of the reins and grabbed Yassia by the arm pulling her to him. "Why are you being so bloody difficult?!" Exasperated and at his wit's end, his voice got a tad bit louder that some horses had started to let out low snorts at being unnecessarily disturbed. His voice had also unknowingly sounded like a plea without Oliver intending it to. He had to make her understand. She cannot go back to Ailantha. She cannot leave. The thought of losing her again was much too painful that Oliver would rather take what the stars would give him--Yassia as his brother's queen--than be without her. At least that way, he could still see her everyday. At least that way, he could still adore and love her even from a distance, even if she doesn't love him back anymore.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Why did every encounter with Oliver sooner or later have to turn into a bitter war? Why couldn’t they just be civil with each other for once?! It had seemed all so easy when they first had met, but ever since they had found out about each other’s true identities, there seemed to be no reconciliation, at least not for long. Even their day out at the river, where they had shot arrows and eaten berries and a crispy hare, seemed now as far away as the moon and the stars combined. And slowly Yassia grew tired of it, but then she grew tired of it all. She was tired of the constant fighting, the pushing on and on towards a seemingly unreachable goal, and she was tired of all the obstacles that were constantly thrown in her way, everytime her life seemed to slow down a bit and give her some space to breathe. What was the Albion saying her mother had often used? The pitcher goes often to the well, but is broken at last? Well, it certainly seemed like Yassia was very much close to her breaking point now, and it wouldn’t take her long to have that final go.

And he just didn’t seem to GET it! How hard was it to take a look at things from her point of view? Was she being too egoistic insisting on her side of things, or was that a fault to be fault with Oliver?! Caitrin knew almost the same things as he did, and she had been nothing but understanding! She had even offered to support Yassia with her own men, if only she had them, to win back Ailantha. And she had asked for NOTHING in return, except being kept up to date. THAT was true friendship in Yassia’s eyes, and so she couldn’t very well be living in a total illusion. Had she only seen it before, had she only had an inkling that Edmund had been really so enamoured with her… sweet stars, she would have kept him at a friendly distance much much earlier on! He must have had this planeed for a long time, since the ring he had presented her had looked like right of a goldsmith’s hand. Once again she was angry at herself for being so blind, but that didn’t distract her long from her growing anger at Oliver. Instead of warning her, he had played the matchmaker. How come they all had overlooked the obvious?! Had she really never distinctively mentioned that one important fact to either of the brothers? That SHE would be the desired ruler of Ailantha, as there was no one else she could trust with this?

"Shouldn't you be grateful instead?! Edmund would willingly give you his army, and he could lose them all if the fight for Ailantha goes downhill! He could even lose the trust of his own people for risking our army for you! But you, you have nothing to lose! You are going to be queen!"

Yassia’s mouth literally dropped open at these words, and for a moment she just stared in disbelief. How DARE he speak to her like that, accusing her of willingly letting people die for her and being egoistic, just wanting her own thing. He didn’t know half of what she had to worry about, he never had had to worry about anything in his entire life! He was the charming, good looking, loved second son of a prosperous kingdom! He had a father that would probably live for many more years to come and an apt elder brother who would take over after that. He could fully focus on hunting and having the odd affair, without caring what tomorrow would bring! Truly, how DARE he remind her of responsibilities!
”You don’t know half of it, so better shut up Oliver!” she snapped, glaring hard. It might not be the wisest thing ever said, literally silencing an already angry and drunk prince, but in this moment Yassia merely didn’t care. She was so fed up with always ending up at another dead end and having to justify herself for it.

It might be the alcohol making him say such outrageous things, but in Yassia’s eyes that was far from being an excuse. They were just getting ridiculous now and she would not stand for being called stupid, not by him! He had hurt her in so many ways and just as she thought she might be able to get to terms with it and accept that she could never have him, he tore all her wounds open again.
”’I’ am being difficult?!” she hurled at him, now visbly seething. Her fingers twitched and she could only just refrain from slapping him like she had done on seemingly every occasion they had freaked at each other. But this time she did not do it. Instead, she took a deep breath and released everything on him that had been pent up inside her for hours. “Did any of you EVER stop to think about what I could want in all of this? Did it EVER occur to you that even if I wanted your brother I could not marry him? I can’t Oliver!” she repeated, her voice breaking at his name. “He wants me as his queen, but I cannot be queen of two kingdoms. He made me chose between my people AND my people, can you imagine how that feels?! Maleeixo, it tears me apart!”

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

”You don’t know half of it, so better shut up Oliver!”

What was she getting all riled up about? Why was she so infuriated at being proposed to? She wasn't going to be chained up and fed to the lions. She was offered a ring encrusted with diamonds and the promise of a queenship in one of Albion's strongest kingdoms. It was a gift, no more, no less. The army that Mercia was going to give her to take Ailantha back was going to be just a bonus now if she had only accepted Edmund's offer of marriage. Everything would have gone smoothly as they had agreed had she given Edmund her sweet yes. So what was he missing here?

She can't be talking about love, is she? That she's not marrying Edmund because she doesn't love him? Oliver almost felt buoyed up by the thought, a part of his heart lighting up at the thought that he might still have a chance with her. Could it really be? Did Yassia forsake her kingdom for love? Seeing as how absurd the thought was, Oliver banished it from his mind. Yassia may have her principles, but she is a princess, who like most royals, are bound by their duties and responsibilities to see to the good of their people. Yassia was not one to put herself first, this Oliver knew to be true. Yassia would rather forsake her own happiness if it meant the happiness of her people.

Sure enough, Oliver's thoughts were proven true. He watched her seethe in barely contained anger at him as she slowly let it all out. "I cannot be queen of two kingdoms." Her words hit Oliver like a brick in his chest. It felt like he was just being doused with cold water, waking him up from his drunken stupor in a snap of a finger. He didn't know what to say, moreso to think. Never had it occurred to any of them that Yassia would rule Ailantha after she takes it back. Women rulers were rare, and none of them had even thought about the possibility, thinking another closer and less devious relative of her endorsement would take over. Oliver staggered back as the realization started to sink in. His face was a mixture of disbelief and astonishment at this fact that was staring them in the face but did not see at all. There were no words to express just what was going on inside his head and his heart that very moment, because he had no inkling exactly what was going on there. There was only a crazy torrent of emotions that Oliver can't even make any sense of it all. He took a deep breath and let out a breathy laugh at the thought. He didn't speak for a moment, he just walked past Yassia and guided the horse back to its stall. He hoped what little moment he had there would help sort his feelings out.

But the only feelings that came to the forefront were not those of his anger and disbelief when he found out Yassia had turned Edmund's proposal down. There was a small flicker of hope that Oliver was almost too afraid to give a chance to burn brighter, for fear that it might only be extinguished yet again. Fortunately or unfortunately, the glimmer of that fire was stubborn, insistent, and cannot be easily doused. It had managed to grow slowly into a bigger, stronger flame. "Marry me," Oliver blurted out as he turned back to Yassia. He didn't know if the alcohol made him do it, but whatever it was, he had no thoughts of taking it back. Both his mind and his heart were telling him the same thing, this was the right thing to do. "You can still have the Mercian army and rule Ailantha as queen...if you marry me." Anyone who could hear him would probably think him crazy, but Oliver didn't care. He loved Yassia, he would do anything for her. If she no longer has any feelings for him now, he hoped that she will learn to love him again. If not, well, at least she got Ailantha back. He would risk it. He would risk living without her love in the marriage, reasoning to himself that his love would be more than enough for both of them.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Yassia’s chest was heaving with her agitation after she had emptied her heart and soul like that, and she felt being taken over by a rush of anger and adrenaline. Getting it all off her chest might have soothed her feelings a little, but it had also brought the injustice and the general chaos of this situation back to the forefront of her mind, where it was doing its poisonous work like a festering wound. She dared not hope Oliver would really understand, she almost hoped instead he would counter her, would shout back at her, so she could gratefully pour out all her frustration over his head. But he did not shout, he didn’t even say anything at all for a long time. Had her words really had had such an impact?
But it didn’t make her stop and think, it didn’t satisfy her enough to calm down, on the contrary: Now she was spoiling for a fight! His stunned expression at the thought of her being destined to be Queen of Ailantha only made her sneer and scoff. “What? Can’t imagine a woman to rule a kingdom, eh? I’ve seen that Albion runs a bit short of female rulers, but I thought a man with such a mother would not be victim to these prejudices. Seems I was wrong yet again.” Oh yes, her words were definitely meant to hurt now, to sting. The thistle… she was living up to that nickname quite well yet again. But this time, the memory of that night did not make her smile, it only fuelled her anger. It was this ignorance that had driven her away from her home in the first place, the ignorance and short-sightedness of men who were not willing to see that a woman could rule on her own. Oh no, of course she needed the strong hand of a man to guide her…

Since Oliver was not reacting to her challenges, Yassia felt quite at loss after a few seconds, and watched with irriitation as all he did was leading her horse back into its stall. Hey… he could not just do that…right?! Once again someone had the gall to decide for her. So he though she wasn’t leaving?! Well, she would show him! If she couldn’t have a horse, then she would go on foot, she would walk right past him, her head held high, and walk out of the castle, out of his life. Try and stop me! She thought grimly and took the first step – until he spoke at last and his words turned Yassia into a pillar of salt.
"Marry me,"
… WHAT??!! Had she just heard him right?! Yassia darted around to stare at him, as aghast as he had been just a few moments earlier. She must have misheard… he could not mean that… it was completely crazy… more than crazy, it was idiotic! Why would he…?
"You can still have the Mercian army and rule Ailantha as queen...if you marry me."
There… he said it again. But Yassia still couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe that two times inside a day, she would be so horribly betrayed. What was he thinking?! That she would now hurl herself at him, sob at his chest and call him her savior?!

She DID approach on him – but only to give him the possibly mightiest slap of his life. All her desperation, all her anger and sadness lay in this impressive slap that made her think she might have well sprained her wrist. Her fingers didn’t hurt or tingle with the impact, they went completely numb.
It took a few moments for her to muster the strength to speak, and when she did, she could not should, she could only bring herself to voice a seething, hoarse whisper. “You DARE to say such a thing? You dare to offer something like that?! Oliver Leofric Strathmore de Mercia, you are the vilest bastard I’ve ever come across! Do you think I’ve sunken so low yet? Do you think I have no more pride left?!” Now her voice started to quiver and she angrily blinked the burning tears away that wanted so desperate to quell out of her eyes. “At least your brother desired me, I could see it in his eyes. But you… you would make me agree to a marriage on THESE grounds?! I thought we were friends! Do you really know me so little?! I’d rather fight my uncle singlehanded than wake up every morning beside a man who married me for PITY!”

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

He should have known Yassia wouldn't be so easily appeased. His stunned silence had come off as a slight to her even though Oliver didn't intend it to be. He should have known better than to not say anything. She was all so agitated at the events of the night that nothing would calm her down. And Oliver with his alcohol-muddled mind was only making things worse for both of them. She was right, of course, Oliver had to admit that. He should have known better than to overlook such a fact, but what can he do, really? He was born and raised in a kingdom where men rule and women are the strong support beside him. An apology could have been appropriate, but he doubt that would simmer down her enraged feelings. Worse, it might even cause her to explode. Words are just not enough. He decided that he would just accept her words even though they sliced through his heart yet again.

Of course, her reaction to his rather hasty proposal was not surprising. The slap that made contact with his cheek hurt more than the last one she had given him. No, not physically, but emotionally. He had deserved the last slap for being such a jerk, but this one...he had asked her to marry him out of his love for her, nothing else. It was a slap to his feelings. But then of course, it took him a while to realize that he might as well have done the same damage to her as before. Any woman with a sound mind and heart would think him mad for blurting it out like that. But a wounded woman? Oliver should have realized that Yassia was already down in the pits, and his proposal was like kicking her down even more. She had taken it as the ultimate insult, the last straw. He should have at least let her calm down before striking another blow like that. No all Oliver could do was to helplessly shake his head as she threw one slur after another at him. Boldly, he moved closer towards her, his arms outstretched, his eyes beseeching. She was taking this the wrong way. This was not how it's supposed to turn out. This was happening all wrong. "Yassia, you don't under--" he had started, but was cut off when she mentioned Edmund...and their friendship...and him marrying her for pity.

Was that how she was interpreting this? That he offered to marry her because he pitied her? Where had she ever gotten that idea? Had she not noticed anything at all from all the days and moments that they had spent together? From the moment she healed him of the sword wound, to their little picnic in the forest, to their archery lesson, to their thrilling chase in the woods...and even tonight as he was taking her to Edmund. Everything he did because of his love for her. Can she not see it? Had he really been that good in hiding his feelings? Somehow, Oliver knew the answer to that. He had hidden his feelings all too well that Yassia now thinks there was nothing there. If only she knew how he suffered in silence every time he would see her with Edmund. If only--Oliver was going to stop thinking that way now. He had to put his foot down or else, he would lose Yassia forever, and he just can't afford that. "I don't want to wake up every morning beside a woman I married for pity either." How to say it? Oliver didn't realize until now how difficult this was turning out to be. Yassia was just burning with fury right now, and it would not do well to meet that with equal intensity. Oliver knew he had to humble himself, be the water to her fire. That is what true love is about, right? He could burst with all the love he has for this lady right here, and he was afraid he might not be able to say the right things. He was afraid to make the same mistake again. He finally decided he might as well be straightforward about it.

"I love you," Oliver finally expressed with as much intensity in his eyes as there was in his words. "I have never stopped loving you, Yassia. Since that day you captured my heart in the Forest of Balor up until this very moment right here, my heart aches with love only for you." He took a deep and heavy sigh as he stood there in front of her, practically confessing all, pouring out all the bottled up feelings. "Edmund...you needed him for Ailantha, and it hurts so much to know that I can't give you what he can so easily. But I can't lose you again, Yassia. I know you hate me for all that I have put you through, but I will take that hatred...just don't leave."

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Of course he would try to get a word in edgewise, such was just how Oliver worked, trying to talk himself out of anything,but Yassia was in no mood to give him that satisfaction. What please did she not understand?! What WAS there not to understand?! Oliver was showing her the same ‘courtesy’ Edmund had shown her, but just like his elder brother for the perfectly wrong reason. He knew she had nowhere to go now, except back, and he was offering her a chance to make it all better, but especially from him, she had expected so much more. Was that wrong? Was she really hard to please and difficult, everything he had called her out on? But no, she would not accept crumbs off the master’s table now, even though she was already down? Oliver had made it oh-so-clear that he was not after any commitment, that his feelings for her had died down, if they ever had really existed. In the end, it always came down to words. His declarations of love to her had been mere words, saying that he didn’t want anyone to know about what had happened in the Forest of Balor had been words. His apology after he had kissed her at the river had been words. And now he asked her to marry him so she could have Ailantha. Words, words, words, Yassia was genuinely tired of words.

She took an impulsive step back when he reached out for her. She couldn’t dare to allow physical contact now or else she knew she would break. She could not allowe herself to break, she could not show weakness, not infront of him. That would only make him pity her more, and she did not want to see that special expression in his eyes, it would break her heart to not even just suspect it, but SEE it. She wanted Oliver to love her, to cherish her, to adore her, and if she could not have that, at least she didn’t want the opposite. So Yassia tried to keep at least a physical distance, if she couldn’t have the emotional one. No, she had long since lost every emotional distance, and she just feared she would fall down on her knees and beg him to turn back time, as pathetic as it sounded. She was already down in the pits, so it would not be such a great step, if she only allowed herself. And as long as she could keep a distance, that would never happen. At least she hoped not.

"I don't want to wake up every morning beside a woman I married for pity either."
He said, in a voice Yassia could not interpret for the life of her. How did it he mean that? What did he want to say? Oh why did he always have to be so bloomingly cryptical! She could feel her anger die down just a notch because of her confusion. There was no room for anger when you had to muddle through a heap of confusing words and their possible meaning. And yet again, it were words! If you thought about it, everything was always alright between Yassia and Oliver when they didn’t talk- Words had caused all of their misunderstandings and arguments, misplaced words, misunderstood words… why couldn’t it simply stop?!
”Well… then that’s one thing we agree on”, she commented rather faintly, and not as acidly as she had initially wanted to. Why was it she could never stay angry at Oliver for long? Even in confusing her, he was rather disarming in the long run!

And then it came… the thing Yassia had absolutely not expected. Oliver went ahead and confessed his love. A love that had never been absent as he claimed. No, nothing in the world could have ever prepared Yassia for this confession, and she felt the ground wavering beneath his feet, which caused her to stumble and blindly reach out for nothing. There was no wall nearby that could steady her. Could this really be true? That he had only been stepping back because he had known that Edmund wanted her. And… had she really convinced him she hated him? Well, she had not done anything to make him think otherwise either, that was for sure. But then, why hadn’t he declared himself either?! Why make her think he had forgotten all about the things they had shared? It just didn’t make any sense!
”I don’t hate you…” she heard herself whisper, feeling oddly detached from her body. "I was angry, and I was hurt… but I never hated you. But you… how can I know this is true? You said to me that you wanted us to be friends… nothing more. You said that no one could know about us. You called me a heartless player and a liar. Please Oliver…” There she was, foregoing her pride after all, begging him. “Make me believe you... somehow.”

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

There was that look of disbelief and exasperation that was clearly written all over Yassia's face, and it almost made Oliver regret what he did, proposing to marry her on the fly. Almost. But no, he had said the words and he would stand by them no matter how she was going to take them. He would just have to take the beating and convince her. Those were the right words. They just happened to be spoken at the wrong time. Oliver knew he should have said them long before things had come to this. Had he not been cursing the circumstances ever since he and Yassia had met again in Camelot? Had he not been cursing the way he had acted like an insufferable fool towards her? Had he not been cursing the fact that he had told her to forget about their past? Oliver was reaping what he was sowing now. He had been nothing but thoughtless and insensitive towards her, he deserved this. Even if he had made those decisions then for Mercia and his people, looking at Yassia now, he wished he had simply broken his vow to her and just think about his own happiness with her...nothing else.

When she stepped away from her, Oliver could feel his heart breaking into a million pieces. He understood why any contact with him would be the last thing she wanted right now. Edmund had stomped her down with his proposal, and Oliver was heartless to have added insult to the injury. He wished there was some way, any way, to show her how all this was hurting him as much as it hurts her. Oliver had wanted nothing but the best for Yassia that he had to let her go so she could have what she needed for Ailantha. How was he to know then that foregoing his own happiness would only give her misery now?

His confession seemed to have quite an effect on Yassia, and Oliver wasn't sure if that was a good effect or not. When she stumbled and reached out, Oliver immediately rushed to her, catching her in his ready arms, holding her steadily up as much as she would allow him. This has to stop now. Oliver was not liking every bit of what was happening. And then she spoke, and Oliver was left speechless. Of course, she would remember his exact words, but it tore his heart apart to know how they had sliced through her. Those words were made in anger, anger and pride that he should not have allowed to overtake them in that moment. The pain in her eyes said it all, and when she begged him, Oliver knew he was gone. In a rush of the moment, Oliver threw all precautions away and just pulled Yassia into a warm and tight embrace, his arms wrapping around her fragile body as he held her close. He buried his face in her hair and just let the moment take over him. He knew he would do anything and everything to make her believe. "I am so sorry..." he whispered, trying to steady the crazy thudding of his heart against his chest. After a moment, he pulled back and took a deep breath. He held her hand firmly in his, and then looked her in the eye, wanting her to see all the truth written there, wanting her to know that those were not mere words what he said. If he could only show her his heart...

Then he slowly went down, kneeling on one knee as he looked up imploringly at Yassia, still holding her hands in his. "They say I am good with words, but nothing comes to me right now to make this all better. All I know is...I love you, Yassia. If you tell me right now to run away with you and just leave this all behind, I will. I will travel with you back to Ailantha. I will never leave your side when you take your kingdom back...and if you want me to, even after that. We may never have Mercia's army, but you will have me. You do not have to go through all this alone again." He planted a long and lingering kiss on the back of his hand as a single tear ran down his cheek. "You don't have to marry me, if you don't want to. I just...I just want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'd rather die than..." he choked at the words, feeling thoroughly overwhelmed by the love he has for her. It was so powerful and strong that he felt like he could burst from it. He had reined it all in the past few weeks, but there was no stopping them pouring out and consuming him now. Stars! He was in love! Hopelessly and madly in love it hurts! He only wished Yassia could see and feel it, too. "...I'd rather die than live without you."

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

Why was it so hard for Yassia to trust Oliver in this? A part of her wondered herself, while the other part already knew the answer. It was not solely about him, it was about having lost her trust in anything and anyone. She had been torn down one time too many, with discovering mostly selfish reasons behind a supposed selfless offer. Edmund’s proposal had shown her again that this world was not made to help her and that she could not trust people to aid her without a price. And most of these prices had been too much to bear, something she could not possibly pay in return for help. She had tried so many times it seemed, and everytime she had opened her heart to the hope that things would finally work out, she had been smashed down again by the realization that it would not do. And now there was an offer from Oliver. Another offer, another open door begging her to step through and let herself be taken wherever it would lead her. Was it so surprising that she could not seem to trust him in not wanting more from her than she could give, like all the others had? But what DID he want from her? Was the price really so high? He surely wanted her trust, and that was the one thing Yassia was not sure above all, if she could give it. Trust had become an invaluable luxury for her. And yet… just Oliver himself, just his very being, the complex and yet desirable soul he was, made Yassia want to turn around and trust him. But that could be a trap. It had been a trap before. Had things really changed so much? Why should she believe him when he said his love for her had never died down, had never been absent?
What she needed was reassurance, she needed proof. She needed… him.

And he gave her that, without – it seemed – a moment’s hesitation. She had not wanted to beg, because her pride seemed liked all she had left, but she needed that one action of him that would lead her over the threshold, through that welcoming open door. She had wanted to shy away from his touch when he steadied her, not wanting to succumb to his support, but she just could not put up a fight any longer. He held her… he supported her. And he did more than that. Before she knew it, she felt herself engulfed into a tight, comforting embrace and suddenly something seemed to fall into place. She hadn’t known it before, but she knew it now: this embrace was the one and only thing she had needed. As it was completely selfless, an act of friendship as well as an act of love, only made to secure her, not asking anything in return. This was more proof than any sweet words could have ever given her.

Yassia did not try to wriggle free, on the contrary, she clinged to Olver for dear life, willing herself to believe that this was for real. That he was here, just where and when she needed him. That he had wanted to be there all along, and only both their prides and some stupid misunderstandings had gotten in the way of it all. With the realization came relief, and with the relief came the tears. She didn’t even bother trying to fight them back anymore, somehow she wasn’t ashamed of them. Not in front of Oliver. He was there for her and he would understand. Even though it hadn’t seemed so, in the end it was really that easy. And she had been blind. But now there would be a chance to make it all better, yes? She just needed to grasp it, right here and there, and start to BELIEVE that he had given her something more than no one ever had. It might be too early to have her trust in mankind restored, but at least Yassia found herself starting to believe she could trust HIM. And that was worth more than any other promise.

Far too soon the embrace ended, but what followed after was even more wonderful. It was unbelievable, almost too much for her to grasp. When he went down on one kneee, Yassia’s free, shaking hand darted up to her mouth to cover it in utter overwhelmedness. And as odd as it was, she suddenly felt a faint echo of a mermory stirring in her mind, of a thought, a feeling she had had at their first meeting. Now it was renewed, and that was the most wonderful thing of all. “I don’t need an army”, she whispered hoarsly, shaking her head. “I always knew that I could conquer the whole world if I only had you by my side. You once asked me if I would run away with you, if I could. Back then I said yes. Now I say it again. I want you as my sword and my shield, but most of all I want you as the man at my side. To never leave again. I won’t let you leave ever again, you hear me?” Her voice broke at several points, but Yassia couldn’t care less. She was too happy… too relieved. “Now… stand up. Please, stand up!”

---

Muse song: Within Temptation - All I Need

[Oliver Strathmore of Mercia]

Oliver had thought she felt Yassia stiffen at his touch when he had rushed to steady her, to keep her from falling when all her world seemed to be crumbling down upon her. He was afraid that she would push him away and completely close herself to him for good. He didn't know what he'd do if that ever happens. It would kill him for sure, tear his heart into pieces, and throw it out for the wolves to feast on. So he held her tight, tighter than he ever could, as if clinging onto her for dear life. He wanted to show her, make her feel that no matter what, he was not letting go, he will not let her go. He wanted her to feel that he will always be there to catch her every time she falls, he will always be her sanctuary, the one person she can come to for refuge, for shelter when the storm winds blow against her. Oliver vowed to protect her even it meant letting go of everything else in his life. What mattered now was her, only her.

When he felt her melt in his arms, clinging back, and just succumbing to his embrace, Oliver felt his heart melt as well with such gratitude and love that he wasn't quite sure if he was still alive or already high up there with the stars. This happiness that was slowly lighting up the dark recesses of his heart and mind was too unbelievable and too massive to take in all at one time. But he embraced it. He embraced it all and opened up his arms to receive this beautiful gift that he was given now. With that happiness also came an uncanny strength that grew steadily from inside him, telling him that from here on out, he knew he can battle anything, he can take on anything life throws at him, because he knew Yassia was there with him. She maybe his weakness, but she was also his strength, the reason he was alive, the reason he will continue to live with purpose and love. Suddenly, the future doesn't seem so bleak and dark now.

"I always knew that I could conquer the whole world if I only had you by my side."

No words could measure up to the wave of emotions that this brought Oliver. Hearing it from Yassia's lips was not just mere affirmation of her feelings for him, but it was also a perfect mirroring of how he felt towards her. And Oliver couldn't have been more thankful to know that she felt the same way. How have they been so blind and so stubborn to admit it all this time?

"I want you as my sword and my shield, but most of all I want you as the man at my side."

He would gladly be her sword and shield, and so much more. She need not even ask. Oliver will give it all to her, he will give all of himself to her. It was a promise he once made before, and like her, he was going to make that promise again now, only that he will make sure not to turn his back away from it again.

"I won’t let you leave ever again, you hear me?"

He nodded vigorously, eagerly, wanting so bad to hold on to the moment and not let it slip away. Oliver was already on his feet even before she could finish asking him. Boldly, he reached out and cupped her cheeks in his hands, and leaned in to capture her soft, tender lips in a warm and heartfelt kiss, pouring all his love and happiness and hope and gratitude into it. Not holding anything back, not hiding anything anymore. As bare as he could ever get, Oliver showed her all. "Never again," he whispered when he pulled back for air and rested his forehead against hers. "I will be your sword, your shield. I will be all that you want me to be, my love," he promised as he feathered a light kiss on her lips, before turning it into another passionate and heated one.

As their lips danced, Oliver's hands moved down to her shoulders, down her arms and around the small of her back to pull her even closer to him. A not-so-distant and fond memory of their first meeting flitted across Oliver's mind, and he smiled through the kiss as he felt like he and Yassia had finally come full circle, that the stars, cruel they may be, had indeed wanted them to meet, had wanted their paths to cross, no matter how improbable it had seemed. Oliver understood this now. He couldn't have appreciated Yassia then than he did now. He felt how heart-wrenching it was to have her so near and yet so far. He felt how painful it was to lose her affection, to not hear her say the words of love she had said to him once before. Knowing now that she, too, had suffered the same way, Oliver decided he was going to remedy all of that. No more heartaches. No more pain. They have finally found each other again. Nothing and nobody will tear them apart anymore.

[Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha]

There was just something about this moment that was simply … magical, as dangerous as it was to use this word in Albion. But Yassia simply had no other word for it, it was just too good to be true. A wonderful sweet dream, after a series of frightening and discouraging nightmares. Only that she wasn’t dreaming. In fact, when Oliver held her close, nearly squishing the air out of her lungs, Yassia felt like she had never been so alive and awake in all her life. She was in no mood to really question the star’s ways, but she still wondered how this could possibly have ended up so easy and straight a path after all they both had been through. Had it really taken them just this one final threat, this final confrontation to make them both see the erring of their ways. Just a few moments before Yassia had wanted to turn her back on not only this life but also the stars and her beliefs, simply not able to bear how cruel they were, hurting her without a purpose.But now she saw their purpose as clear as day, and even though it still angered her that the methods they had used were so cruel, she couldn’t help but feel inclined to thanking them still. In the end, they had brought her together with Oliver after all, they had granted her her dearest wish, and those less than favourable circumstances had in the end just helped to convince her that she would never take him for granted.

But this moment was also too precious for indulging too much into metaphysical ponderings, and even more so, since the physical part of this encounter was slowly coming to the forefront of Yassia’s mind. Up until now, she had been too desperate to really savor what had been given to her, but now she greeted every touch Oliver inflicted on her with a jubilant heart and fluttering nerves. Oh sweet stars how she had missed it all, this feeling of him and her being allowed to touch, without that discord of differences between them. Before now, every touch of them had been more bitter than sweet, but now the bitterness had vanished completely, and the differences along with it. Now it was only the most tender of feelings and the sweetest of scent, and it made Yassia hungry for more. Before they departed from their embrace, the princess took a deep breath and inhaled Oliver’s lovely odor, that intoxicating mix of horses, leather and hay – now intensified of course since he had seemed to sleep here – and that special note she never could quite identify, but what unmistakenly was ‘Oliver’. In this embrace, surrounded by his familiar and loved odor, Yassia knew she had finally found the place where she belonged. The kingdom didn’t matter. Home was and always would be where this man was, where his arms were.

There was one piece of the puzzle still missing, one that would seal their agreement and make it all complete, perfect. And she needn’t wait long. Every fibre of Yassia’s body practically screamed with longing as she felt Oliver’s hands cup her face, and then his lips finally, finally met hers. Even though it had just started, Yassia knew this was the best kiss they had ever shared. It started out heartbreakingly sweet, almost unsure, but soon took up a passion that seemed to sweep them both away. And Yassia knew that even if she had wanted to, she would not be able to hold back this time; she did more than just respond, she opened up and poured her all into this passionate, hungry kiss, telling Oliver without words how much she had missed him, how much she wanted to do just that until the end of time.
When they parted for air, Yassia’s chest was heaving and her breath came only in short gasps, but her eyes were shining as bright as ten suns. She felt like on the verge of bursting, but she did not mind, it was a sweet pain, the sweetest their was. “Then you have just made me the happiest woman alive”, she whispered back and eagerly met him halfway for theit next kiss, not bearing to be seperated from him for too long.

Yassia knew that she normally wasn’t this person, that she even go uncomfortable by such an open display of affection and the physical closeness she was now experiencing with Oliver, only the thin layers of clothing seperating their bodies, but somehow it felt like the most natural of things. Was that how Caitrin felt with Griff? Suddenly it seemed like Yassia could understand her friend so much better, and the word ‘scandalous’ was as farthest from her mind as possible. “Sweet stars, how I love you!” she whispered and then boldly reached up to entangle her hand in his wonderful hair, playing with the golden locks while her other hand sneaked around his waist. To her the world could have just stopped at this very moment, and she would not care. There was only her and Oliver, inside a bubble of bliss and passion. What came later could come later.