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Post by Guinevère on Jul 19, 2013 18:02:28 GMT -5
What was she thinking, he asked her, and she wished ti was a simple answer. "How simple everything was back then." She began but she knew that was not it, and Arthur knew it as well. "We could just be in love, and there was not really big great evils, or these things between us." It had been about nothing but Arthur and her. No other men, no betrayals, no murders, no Morgana, no magic.
"Now everything is a test, and . . . . " ANd she failed them. She had betrayed him, and even if magic made her do it, she had done such horrid things. Lied to him, lied with him in their bed while lying to him. Killed a man. Tried to kill more men. She could still remember everything. It was like she had not known what came over her, and her actions were not her own. Even still, it had been her mind to think up the evil things, and her hands to carry them out.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 19, 2013 20:47:19 GMT -5
She answered his question, speaking of how simple everything was back then and how they were able to just be in love without as many threats as now existed. "It may have been simpler," he began. "But we were not able to share and experience as much as we do now together." They ruled together, they were together in all the ways a husband and wife were. They were trying for a child, which would be a gift brought into this world. "I do not wish to go back to that time. For it means that I would not be with you in all the ways I am now." Physically, emotionally, mentally . . . every possible way. She then spoke of how everything was a test and her voice trailing off . . . concerned Arthur as to what the end of that sentence was. He moved a bit closer to it, keeping his hand on hers as he addressed her words.
"You are not being tested Guinevère. What happened was so far beyond your control." He didn't want her to see it as that. If she had been of her own mind, then things would have unfolded differenetly. There was only one person to fully blame for this and that was Morgana. Arthur hated that Guinevère felt any guilt for it . . . if she wanted to blame anyone, she should blame Morgana. And him, but he knew his wife too well in that she would never do so. Even if he deserved it. "Do not think of it in such a way," he added softly. "Your mind and hands were not your own. They did the bidding of someone else." They could avoid the subject, or he could continue to convince her that it wasn't her fault. And the conversation brought it to the latter, which was fine for any reassurance he could give her, he would.
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 19, 2013 21:36:06 GMT -5
"Your mind and hands were not your own. They did the bidding of someone else." She had not yet ever spoken to him about her time under the spell, other then quick explanations of some of the events so the knights could make changes and heal some of the damage she had caused. She wasn't ready to talk about it, but she knew she could not put this off forever. The time was now, and even asking for more time would be taking the cowards way out.
"They were my own Arthur." She told him, "The thoughts might have been brought there by magic, but it was my hands that followed through. My plans that I made, came from my mind. Morgana only gave a push, I did the rest." Morgana had wanted him dead, but did not care how she went about doing it. "I framed friends, I tried to kill you . . . . I lied to you. To everyone. I hurt----" So many people. Blinking back the tears, she took a deep breath inwards, and let it out quickly. "I do not know how to move on from this." It was the same after she had betrayed him with Lancelot, only then she had only herself to blame and now Morgana had helped.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 19, 2013 22:15:50 GMT -5
Hearing her blame herself caused his heart to ache. He knew that she blamed herself, but to know just how much . . . it was unfair. Unfair for anyone to target someone who had the biggest heart in all the kingdoms. And even more unfair that she now had to deal with the consequences of the enchantment. "No Guinevère," he said softly, immediately disagreeing. "You were under a spell. It took dark, powerful magic to enchant you and just as powerful magic to lift the enchantment." Thanks to that odd sorceress. "Magic can make one do unspeakable things." It had after call caused him to almost kill his father, and then kill him. It had made him betray Guinevère with Vivian. Granted, none of those spells were quite as horrible as what Guinevère had endured. Which was why he wished he could do more to ease her mind. "You have the greatest, kindest heart in all the kingdoms." He raised his hand to her cheek, gently caressing it and getting ready to brush away any tears.
"When we were taking you to the river, and you were sleeping, do you know what Mordred said?" Mordred. A boy who had once been allied with Morgana but saw her in all her cruelty. "He aske how anyone could do this to the queen, for she has the sweetest of natures." No one would believe that Guinevère of her free mind was capable of anything that she did. Because did not have one ounce of evil in her heart. "You do not have to endure this alone." He was here for her. He wished her brother was. He so desperately wished that he had saved Elyan, taken his place. But the man died protecting his sister. And Arthur would forever be grateful to his brother of heart for that. "I love you so much. And we are going to get through this. Just as we have gotten through everything else." She was right in that they had indeed been tested, but this was not her own internal battle. He would fight it with her.
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 19, 2013 23:22:30 GMT -5
Arthur's words showed his faith in her, and his love for her, and it both helped ease some of the burned just as they also made her feel worse. He was such a good man, and becase of one woman's green and lust for power, Guinevère had been forced to betray her husband. Worse, she had just been given a spell to give her dark thoughts--her actions had been her own.
"I killed a man Arthur." She reminded him, "Not because he was trying to hurt me, not because he had done anything wrong, but to keep him from telling you that I was trying to kill you. Tyr died because I killed him, after threats on his mother. I made him afraid of me, and then I took his life . . . . . and I was unhurt by my own actions. The person I was didn't care."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Oct 5, 2013 11:53:25 GMT -5
"I killed a man Arthur." Arthur hated that she was forced to do something so violent. It was one thing it kill a man during battle or in defense, but to murder him . . . that was an entirely different matter. And to know that someone as caring and kind as Guinevère had to endure that pain, made him wish she recalled nothing of her actions under the evil spell. "It was not who you were or are," he assured. He did not want her to even say that it was her own hands who had killed him, because she was doing the bidding of someone else. Someone who had no remorse or conscience. "Magic forced you to do such things; a sorceress's spell." He continued to keep his hand on her cheek, needing the contacting and wanting her to feel it.
The fault lay with him, for the constant battle among himself, Morgana and even Uther never seemed to end . . . and this was not the first time Guinevère was caught in the middle of it. "You are not to blame for what happened to Tyr." He knew it was easier for him to say than for her to believe, but he was not going to try to stop convincing her. "He fell victim to a ploy that was not concocted by your own mind. Morgana . . . " He paused for a moment. Merely saying her name caused so many emotions to surge through him. "She used Tyr. She used you Guinevère to do what she cannot. There is only one person to blame, and it is not you." She used Guinevère as a spy, as Morgause had once used Morgana. Only difference was that Guinevère had loyalty that Morgana was forced to use magic rather than easily manipulate her.
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Post by Guinevère on Oct 5, 2013 12:12:14 GMT -5
No magic might have put thoughts in her mind, and made her fall to Morgana's twisted thinking that Arthur was the fault of this--but it had been her ideas that put plans together. Guinevère had plotted to kill her husband, mingled with assassins, plotted to remove Merlin from protecting him, and even made the choice to kill a man. She had done these things. Morgana had never once told her to kill.
Guinevère forced a small smile to her lips, but it fell quickly. Apart of her did not wish to speak of these things and burden Arthur with her thoughts that she feared would never change. It gave her great comfort to know that Arthur would never think her heart darkened, and she wished she had his strength in these time. She was so afraid. She had done such evil things, and she felt guilty for being more afraid then sorry sometimes. A tear feel over her cheek, and while none followed it she knew she was only just holding them back. "I am afraid, Arthur." She admitted to him, "I am afraid I will hurt some else." If she feel pray to magic once, what will stop it from coming back into her? What if she was too weak to fight it again? "If I did you harm, I could never live with myself."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Oct 5, 2013 12:53:25 GMT -5
She spoke of how she was afraid . . . afraid that she would hurt someone else, that she would do him harm. He never wanted her to worry about either of those things. How he survived the attempts . . . he doesn't know. But what matters was that he did, and that he would not leave her here to deal with Morgana's wrath alone. "I am going to do everything within my power to make sure that does not happen," he told her. While he would always do everything he could to protect her, he knew he had to be more diligent. He should have gone with them to her father's grave rather than sent her. While he trusted the men he did send her with and knew that there were no greater knights then them . . . his presence would have taken the target off of her and Morgana would have just gone after the true source of her anger.
"If that means I must accompany you everywhere, then I am afraid you will be stuck with my company far more than you may like," he said teasingly, wanting to ease her mind in any and every way possible. "You don't have to be afraid," he said softly, recalling the similar conversation they had . . . only realizing now she had been enchanted. Yet it was not the only time they spoke about such things. "I'm here, and I am not going anywhere, I promise you that. What matters is that we are here, together, and no matter how much Morgana tries, she can not change that." For she has tried again and again, with no success.
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