Jumping At Shadows

[Caitrin de Archer]

Well this was incredibly useful wasn’t it? Caitrin had married one of the few nobles in Albion who didn’t boast of their skills with a sword. It didn’t bother her in the slightest, as she never had been one for the conventional knight, however it might have been quite useful for Griff to have some knowledge of swordplay really in this one situation. She just nodded, she could only really perform archery, which was about as useful as Griff’s lack of swordplay. This wasn’t really going that well was it? She pressed her lips together and the thought of sorcery once again crossed her mind. It would be the easiest way to defend them both, but also the most risky; what if someone else saw? She brushed the thoughts from her mind once more and focussed on the matter at hand.

To be honest Griff was right. They were in danger wherever they were if that thing was still out there. She felt so useless though just standing in here not doing anything. It wasn’t in Caitrin’s nature to just sit around doing nothing, and now wasn’t a fantastic time to start acting like that. However, there was no point in putting themselves in danger for no reason. Plus, she honestly wouldn’t be able to live with herself if anything happened to Griff because of her. She loved him, and wouldn’t let anything happen to him if she could prevent it. “You’re right.” Was all she could say and her small palm curled up into a fist and she hit the door hard in frustration. Why was she so useless? She couldn’t do anything right; she couldn’t even carry children. Of course the upset and emotions of their earlier conversation was still in the forefront of Caitrin’s mind and showed no sign of shifting anytime soon. She walked back over to where Griff was still sat and half collapsed beside him. Now probably wasn’t the time for wallowing, or self pity, but Caitrin didn’t care. “I can’t do anything right.” She now voiced to Griff in a rather small and awkward voice that didn’t feel like her own. “I mean look, I’ve got us stuck in here, I can’t defend either of us and I can’t even...” Her voice trailed off but a hand was back at her belly. Jesu what was wrong with her? She constantly felt like her emotions were all over the place. It wasn’t just tonight, it had been for as few days now. Her hand curled upon her belly and she just looked up at her husband, feeling completely useless, and quite frankly, pathetic.

Notes: She is a *tad* hormonal, in her defense, its justified

[Griff Aubert]

Griff jumped slightly as Caitrin's fist collided with the door. He hadn't been expecting that, although her frustration at the situation was hardly surprising. Like her, he didn't know what to do, but unlike her, he was supposed to. Regardless of whether Caitrin accepted this or not - and he knew for a fact she wouldn - he was supposed to look after her, to make sure nothing harmed her. And, well, so far he'd failed. When Morgana had taken over Camelot he had been as far away from the city as he could - drowning his sorrows in far too much ale. He hadn't known exactly what had happened to those who had stayed, but even so, he hadn't gone back. He hadn't tried to protect her from it. And even if he had, he wouldn't have been any use.

He clenched his fists, nails digging into his palm. There had to be something he could do, some way to make everything alright again, to make sure Caitrin was safe. But no, they were stuck here, waiting until...whatever was out there came, simply because Griff wasn't good enough.

When she sat down next to him he instinctively put an arm around her. It was, in the current circumstances, hardly an adequate way of protecting her, but then he was a hardly adequate husband. She had suffered when he had been too busy trying to forger her, and she continued to suffer because he'd let her. And while, deep down, in the back of his mind, wherever, he knew that there was nothing either of them could have done to prevent her miscarriage, there was always that thought that nagged at him. If only he'd gone back, if only he'd got her out of there. Everything would have been fine.

He kissed the side of her head, and tried to think of something, anything to say to make her happy again. It didn't matter what he felt about losing their child, his own grief was irrelevant because Caitrin - his wife - was in pain and he needed to protect her. "Don't say that." It was a rather pathetic attempt. "Cait, none of this is your fault. None of it. And I'm sorry but I won't see you like this." He sighed, this wasn't going right at all. Normally he was always so good with words, normally he could make women feel whatever he wanted, but then it had always been different with Caitrin. "This isn't the time to grieve, this is the time to be strong. We are going to be alright, I promise you."

[Caitrin de Archer]

Although Griff didn’t realise it, his words made her feel worse. It just confirmed that she looked as pathetic as she thought she did. This was what happened when she tried to pretend that everything was fine; that she was fine, because that was often not the case. Caitrin had been too stubborn or proud to tell her Uncle or Griff why she was so quiet, and why she just wanted to be left alone. And because of that, she’d tried to repress everything, and act like her usual self. Now everything had boiled over, and she could see nothing but darkness. She still wished, in the deepest parts of her mind, to go back one year ago, and do it all differently. Although she knew that she could have lost the child anyway, it didn’t stop her blaming herself for everything that had happened. “I’m sorry.” She whispered in a soft little voice and looked up at Griff with glossy eyes. She rubbed her sleeve over her eyes, trying to get rid of her tears, and trying to be strong. It usually would be the other way around, with Caitrin telling Griff what to do, but she didn’t care for conventions at the moment. He was just trying to help and she was grateful for that.

She let herself just fall into his embrace, and began to rest her head on his shoulder. The last time she’d felt like this she had been completely alone, so it was almost as if she had to keep reminding herself that he was still there; that Griff wasn’t going anywhere this time. She put her arm around his waist to support herself, and to just hold onto him. Although in the deepest part of her thoughts she didn’t like being this dependant on anyone, it was Griff; her husband, so in a way it didn’t matter. As he promised her that they were going to be alright, she was almost inclined to believe him. Her moist lips turned into a small smile and she buried her head into his warm shoulder. She sniffed back a tear and with her spare hand she wiped the tears away from her cheek, “I know we’ll be alright.” She sighed into him, “And if we’re going to hide in here all evening then, well,” She gave a soft ‘heh’ noise and squeezed his waist with her arm, “I’m glad I’m hiding here with you.” It wasn’t often that she was sweet, but they weren’t often in situations like this were they?

After that, Caitrin just sat in silence for a while, her tears all but dry, but her mind was still racing. Caitirn now looked back up at her husband and broke her head away from his shoulder. “Does it still hurt you as well?” She needed to know, she needed to know that she wasn’t the only one whose heart ached when she thought of the miscarriage. She needed to know on a sincere level as well, as at the moment Caitrin felt quite selfish, here she was pouring her heart out, and not once had she given any thought to his feelings.

Caitrin’s head jerked up as she heard another scream, quite similar to the one they had heard in the bedroom, from outside the door. She froze for a moment; her mind went blank. Caitrin gripped her husband’s arm with her hand softly, but then increased the intensity of her grip when she heard the screams once more. The thing hadn’t gone yet, she could still hear it out there. She trembled slightly; she didn’t like feeling like this. Holding her breath, Caitrin shifted slightly against her husband; her chest swelling and deflating rapidly. She could feel it again, that fear which had pulsed through her over a year ago when she had been thrown in the dungeons. The dark room almost ran parallel with the dimly lit dungeons where she had spent the week, thinking she was going to be executed. She had never been scared of the dark before her encounter in the dungeons. That was why she now couldn’t stand Griff not being with her at night, even a year on it still frightened her. Everything had gone through her mind that week in the dungeons, and it had been in those solitary moments that she had realised just how much she loved, and needed Griff. She’d dreamt of him coming for her, even though deep in her mind she knew he wouldn’t. She hadn’t given him any reason to come back, or put himself in danger. She had pushed him away; she’d chosen to believe his brother instead of him because he had planted the seed of doubt. Caitrin didn’t speak about the screams she had heard, because Griff had probably heard them as well. Instead she inched towards her husband and buried her head into his shoulder again. She felt safe wrapped in his embrace; nothing could hurt her now because he was here with her.

Notes: EMOTION and I thought I would set it up so we could to the dorocca thing in my next post? And apologies for the length, Caits still upset
Music: Everything- Lifehouse

[Griff Aubert]

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Of course it hurt him as well. Did she honestly think it didn’t? Did she think he didn’t care? Griff just looked at her, miscomprehension written across his face. Maybe this was his fault. He’d been trying so hard to be strong, to be there for her because she needed him, she thought he didn’t care. He didn’t know what to say, so he just stared, rather uselessly and tried to understand what she must think of him. Just because he didn’t talk about it, or how he felt about it, didn’t mean it didn’t hurt him. He felt the loss, the guilt, the anger at what had happened, at what Caitrin had been through alone because he’d been too busy throwing his life away. He bit his lip, biting down hard enough to break the skin because he could feel tears forming but he wasn’t going to cry. That wouldn’t help anyone. It wasn’t just the loss of a child – he hadn’t known Caitrin was expecting until after she’d lost it, it had all been thrust upon him without giving him any time to process anything. He’d never had the chance to contemplate being a father, having a family with Caitrin. All that had been ripped away.

He hadn’t been there for her, when she most needed him. He’d been too busy being selfish and trying to forget about everything. She’d been suffering and he’d been trying to forget her. It was something he could never forgive himself for. He should never have left Camelot; he should never have run away. And while he wasn’t naïve enough to think that his staying would have prevented any of this, he was still left with the guilt and the anger, still raw and burning. He looked away, staring at the wall, or floor or anything that wasn’t her because he couldn’t look at her anymore. He just saw her pain and knew there was no way for him to make everything alright again. This was something he couldn’t fix.

He was still biting his lip, still looking away, still unable to answer Caitrin’s question. Griff was not in the habit of confronting his emotions. In his opinion it was much better to ignore everything, and when that didn’t work you ran away and you drank and tried to forget about everything and that would eventually make everything alright. But he couldn’t run away now, because Caitrin needed him, and no amount of alcohol would numb this. Caitrin was waiting for an answer, so he just nodded because that was far easier than saying anything. Yes, it did still hurt him, but he couldn’t deal with it right now, he wouldn’t deal with it now. Caitrin was by far his priority. He was her husband, protecting her was what he was supposed to do, and when that failed, he picked up the pieces.

Another scream brought him out of his thoughts and back to the situation at hand. It was a welcomed distraction, even if it did remind him of just how much danger they were in. If he was worrying about how to keep them both alive, he wasn’t thinking about Caitrin’s miscarriage. He felt her grab his arm, his own wrapping around her waist and holding her close to him. He didn’t know what was outside, but he did know that whatever it was it didn’t matter. He would protect Caitrin no matter what. “It’s alright.” He said, trying to reassure her, trying to believe the words himself. After everything they’d been through he wasn’t going to lose her, not here.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin hadn’t meant to upset Griff with her words, but it was clear just from the way he couldn’t look at her that she had caused some sort of reaction. She had just wanted to hear that it did still hurt him, and that it wasn’t somehow forgotten in the past. They had never really spoken about it often, and perhaps that was why Caitrin’s emotions had come to breaking point tonight. It had been too much to bear by herself, she had just needed him to take some of that weight off her shoulders. It had been a year, and she had thought that the pain would have lessened, but if anything it had just grown and grown. Every time she had seen a woman with a child, or even a pregnant woman, it had ripped through her. The same thought had gone through her mind; that could have been her child, it could have been hers and Griff’s chid. It wasn’t fair, they had both been put through hell and still such a precious thing had been snatched cruelly from under their noses. Both had been ignorant about her condition of course, but that made it worse.

Caitrin inhaled softly and turned around so she was facing her husband, he still wasn’t looking at her, but that didn’t matter. She ran a hand through the back of his hair, tenderly playing with the strands as they continued to sit in silence. The hand dropped, and came to rest at his waist as he nodded. Tears were brimming in Caitrin’s eyes, she hadn’t seen Griff like this since the night he had returned to Camelot. She had been stupid to think that losing the child would have any less an effect on Griff as it had done on Caitrin. She hated seeing him like this because she did truly love him, and wanted to do anything she could to just return to some normality. She wanted to give him the family that they both wanted; was that too much to ask?

As his arm slipped around her waist, Caitrin turned her body into his and wrapped both of her arms around his waist; her head coming to rest on his shoulder. She just stayed there silently for a few moments, breathing softly and slowly, trying to convince herself that he was right and that everything was going to be fine. For a moment she even felt like she did feel relaxed, just wrapped up in his embrace. Griff usually had this effect with her, and he was probably the only one who could ever really calm her down. She couldn’t imagine letting anyone else comfort her in such a way, but Griff had a habit of seeing her at her most vulnerable, and somehow he knew how to at least bring her back down to earth.

There was another scream and Caitrin’s head jerked up, whatever it was it sounded like it was getting closer. She felt a small tremor of fear run through he and her eyes cut through the darkness. What if a door couldn’t stop it? She pulled away from Griff slightly, but not so much that she was fully out of his embrace. Caitrin was just sat listening carefully, in case the thing hadn’t quite disappeared yet. Why couldn’t it just leave them alone? Hadn’t they been through enough? Caitrin was very still for a few moments, of course she would feel so much better if the torch was alight. That had worked last time, surely it would get rid of the threat this time? Her heat thudded in her ears; lighting the torch would of course involve using her sorcery. Griff had no idea who she really was, and she had often felt guilty about not telling him before. However if it was going to save their lives, it was worth at least knowing he would be safe.

At that moment it felt like the room had suddenly got a lot colder and Caitrin gave a soft shiver, her eyes widening as she looked around to Griff. She didn’t have chance to voice any concern because the scream was back, and as she looked around there wasn’t much time to process anything. Without thinking, Caitrin pushed herself away from Griff and scrambled to her feet, the words were already said, her eyes had flashed and the torch had quickly sparked up and banished the creature to whatever hell hole it had come from. The ferocity of her sorcery, and the fact she hadn’t used it in some time, took Caitrin off guard and she felt her knees go from beneath her and she sunk to them, not daring to look at her husband. Her heart was racing, and her breath had quickened. Jesu, what had she done? Straight away she felt her eyes brimming with tears, for years she hadn’t committed an act of magic in front of another. The shock of it was painful and she could feel herself shaking; she knew what magic meant in Camelot. She knew her kind weren’t wanted, and what happened to them. Finally she forced her eyes back up to lock with Griff’s because she needed to see his reaction now, to see whether she was still his Caitrin, or whether he, like so many in Camelot, would abandon her because of her true nature. After a few moments she felt like she was driving herself deeper and deeper into a state of worry, “Griff?” The words were chocked, mingled with fear and nervousness. For now she fell silent again, still shaking; still vulnerable.

[Griff Aubert]

This was the first, and probably hopefully the last time Griff would be quite so glad to hear a scream. If they were trying to stay alive then they weren't dwelling on the past. He could focus on trying to keep Caitrin safe, rather than confront his emotions. He didn't want to talk about it. And he certainly didn't want to talk to Caitrin about it. She was the one person he couldn't hide his emotions from, no matter how hard he tried. She had this habit of making him feel things he didn't want to feel. She made him remember what could have been, what should have been, and he wasn't quite ready for that yet. But there was a scream. There was danger. There was something more important, a distraction. He could put on a brave face again, and then everything would be alright. He didn't know how (not having a plan or any useful skills), but he must have been in far worse situations than this before and survived. After everything he and Caitrin had been through they weren't going to die here. He wasn't going to let them.

He was aware that his breathing was now heavier, because obviously that was the best thing for his body to do when they were hiding. Biting his lip, he willed himself to calm down. While he probably wasn't much use anyway, he'd be even less so if he started panicking. Besides, as always he needed to stay strong for Caitrin (even if she was probably the better one in this situation. He wouldn't be at all surprised if she managed to scare the thing off just by raising her eyebrows and making some sarcastic comment. Well, alright, that wasn't strictly true. He would be quite surprised. Her uncle would probably be proud).

Caitrin had stood up and before he could say something about how she probably shouldn't be going near the door, the room was filled with light and it took him a moment or two to understand what had just happened. The torch had been lit - that much was obvious. It was the how he was struggling with. Had Caitrin just...no, that was impossible, wasn't it? Because if she was capable of doing that sort of thing she would have told him. Like, before they were married. That was usually the sort of thing one likes to point out. It wasn't really an "oh by the way" kind of information. Unless you were Caitrin de Archer, obviously. He let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, and just looked at her for a moment. She was on the floor again, looking rather helpless and not like herself at all. Right. There was, of course, a correct way with dealing with this. It would probably involve telling Caitrin that her magic didn't matter, and that he'd love her no matter what. Naturally, this didn't occur to Griff until he'd already acted. What he should have said only decided to present itself in his mind until after he'd shuffled over to her, put an arm around her and said, with a surprisingly straight face, "Just one question: if you have magic, why are you ginger?"

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin Aubert just remained very still for a few moments. That in itself should have told her husband that she wasn’t incredibly comfortable with what she had just done. Her eyes were transfixed in the fire which she had conjured up. She should have felt overjoyed, after all, the thing had gone (or at least she assumed it had), and she had saved them both. They were still here. However, none of this had really registered with Caitrin just yet. She was torn between collapsing into tears or just becoming angry with herself. She’d always exercised such good self restraint where her sorcery was concerned, but all that had vanished in an instance. She had tried so hard to keep this from her husband for so long, but it all seemed rather pointless now.

There was no way of talking her way out of this one. There was no mistaking what she had done. She was sure that Griff had seen everything, how could he not have seen? She felt herself just becoming more and more worked up. In her head, she had all but turned her back on her sorcery. After all, she had lived in Camelot for so long it had just become a way of life. There were so many in Camelot who would see her dead for such a small act as lighting the flame. However, as much as Caitrin had tried to turn her back on her magic, she knew that she could never fully turn her back on it. After all, her sorcery was as much a part of her as anything else. Of course that was the part of her that no one ever saw. That was the part which had always had to remain hidden. Now it was out in the open, well between herself and Griff at least. Out of the corner of Caitrin’s eyes, she could see Griff’s eyes just watching her. Jesu, why had this happened here? And why had it had to be in front of him?

Caitrin pulled up her knees so that she was hugging them before she looked back up to her husband. He was shuffling over to her and, as his am slipped about her waist, she began to relax slightly and started to feel safe again. Griff had that effect on her. Not that she had been expecting her husband to say anything particularly sensitive or useful, as it was a rather unusual situation; she hadn’t expected his words to be quite so insensitive. She wiped her teary eyes with the cuff of her sleeve and just looked up at him in disbelief. Her eyes were quite wide with the shock and for the moment she couldn’t find the words to answer him. He had just witnessed his wife using sorcery for the first time, and the first thing which had occurred to him was why she hadn’t changed the colour of her hair? “What do you mean why am I ginger?” Her voice was slightly high pitched because she was still feeling quite upset in general. She didn’t slip her arm around his waist because she was still rubbing her eyes, and when she felt like she had calmed down somewhat she looked back up to him again, “Is that really the only thing you could think to say?” She was almost irritated in a way, was that the only thing he had been bothered about? The colour of her hair? “Or are sorceresses not allowed to have ginger hair?”

[Griff Aubert]

No, it wasn’t the only thing he could think to say. There were plenty of things to say, most of which involved him completely freaking out at the fact that his wife had magic and hadn’t bothered to mention it at all. Yet again, his attempts at trying to lighten the situation had just made everything worse. It was times like this when he should just not speak. Or at least think before he spoke. Either way, he shouldn't say things like that. Turns out things that sounded well and good to him didn't sound the same to Caitrin. But then she was very irritatible- that wasn't important right now. His wife had just used magic, magic and he was sat there thinking how easily annoyed she was.

Maybe he was just being fussy, but this was something that would have been nice to know at any point in time before this moment. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t had enough opportunities, nor was he against magic and constantly telling the world of his hatred of it. He’d grown up in Glouchedon, not Camelot, where magic wasn’t seen as a crime against nature. It was rare and something to be respected, but it wasn’t evil. It just was. Even when he’d come to Camelot he’d never changed his opinions – he’d never really had one in the first place. What he didn’t understand was why she had hidden it from him. Did she not trust him? Did she think he would tell someone and let them execute her for it? Why else would she have kept it a secret for so long? He couldn't quite get his head around this. He was her husband, he was someone who would love her no matter what, and yet she still didn't trust him enough to tell him this. What sort of person did that make him? He bit his lip and just looked at her, mainly because he didn't really know what else to do, or what he was supposed to say in this situation. It was one he'd ever thought he'd be in.

"Alright that didn't help." Well that was an understatement. Was she glaring at him? He couldn't really tell in the dark, but it definitely felt like a glare. "I'm sorry...it's just a shock. You have magic! Which is all very nice and lovely and something that would have been nice to have been told before, just you know, maybe before...well, any time really would have been nice." He was rambling. His brain was telling him to stop because he probably wasn't improving matters but his mouth had a mind of its own. "I told you about my habit of falling out of bed, that was a rather good oppurtunity. Just as a "oh by the way"..." He trailed off and ended up just looking at her again. She was probably going to shout at him, or hit him, or both. Fortunately he was used to this by now.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin was still quite shaken; no one in Camelot knew she was a sorceress. Well, not until now anyway. She hadn’t meant to go this long without telling him, but she didn’t like to broach the topic at all with others, because she was too emotional about it. Caitrin looked back at her husband in confusion, had he just said that magic was... nice? She had never really bothered to check the stance of Glouchedon, but just because somewhere respected sorcery now didn’t mean that it would be always the case. Camelot had once allowed magic, and look at them now; her kind were reduced to nothing in Uther’s Kingdom. It still upset her, but perhaps not as much as it had done when she had first journeyed to Camelot. She’d learnt to keep her emotions in check since then, and she liked her life the way it was now because of it.

Inclining her head back towards the torch, Caitrin whispered and lit it once more. There was no point in secrecy now was there? Plus, she would rather face her husband in the light in this situation rather than squinting, and trying to make out his expression that way. She shifted slightly so she was sitting with her knees to the side, and looked on at Griff. She wasn’t tearful, or even upset anymore; she just felt annoyed. “You could be a little quieter you know.” She hissed at him. He might not see her magic as a real problem, but the servants here were born and bred in Camelot, and even her Uncle didn’t like the use of sorcery. He didn’t know she was a sorceress of course, then again none of her family knew; Helgund had always sworn Caitrin to secrecy while she had been under her tuition, as the woman often feared Mercia would go the same way as Camelot.

She had wanted to tell Griff about her gift; on more than one occasion she had nearly blurted it out, but that was because she did feel safe with him. They had never really had a conversation about sorcery, but Caitrin had been living in Camelot so long now that it was almost second nature to not even think of the topic, despite what she was. Griff hadn’t lived in Camelot as long as she had, and he hadn’t felt the terror that Uther inspired in those who were sorcerers. How could he possibly understand what she went through on a day to day basis? “I was trying to protect you.” She stated bluntly, and a lot more calmly than she initially thought she could manage, “You do know what happens to sorceresses, and those harbouring them don’t you?” Having magic wasn’t exactly a matter of fact topic in Camelot, and in Caitrin’s mind, Griff should appreciate that. She hadn’t wanted him to carry the burden of her sorcery with him, because if she were ever caught she knew the first thing she would have done would be to say that her husband was ignorant of her sorcery, and therefore innocent. She had just been trying to save his neck; that was all.

She looked down at her fingers and began to fiddle nervously with her wedding ring as she forced her eyes back up to her husband. In truth she didn’t know what to say, or more she did, but the words weren’t coming to her. “I’m sorry.” She finally settled on, even to her own husband she hated admitting she was wrong, but she understood why he wanted to be told, but Griff needed to understand her reasoning behind her secrecy. “I did want to tell you, but with the way things are in Camelot...” She just shrugged it off and ran a hand over her face. Well he knew now, and that was the important thing, “Did you say magic was... nice?” She repeated, an amused look coming over her face, she hadn’t heard a viewpoint like that in years, and for the moment it was quite refreshing.

Notes: Post #600

[Griff Aubert]

Considering he was now aware that his wife had magic, it shouldn't be quite so surprising when she lit a torch. But, on the other hand, she'd just lit a torch with magic. He was just staring at the torch, not allowing himself to say anything because he'd only say the wrong thing - he had a habit of that sort of thing. Given everything that had happened though, he thought he was coping with everything rather well. It wasn't everyday you found out you were married to a woman with magic and just so happened to live in a kingdom where its practice was against the law. Because they needed more things to deal with.

No one could miss the irritation in her voice. She could be a little more understanding but then this was Caitrin. She might be at perfect ease with her magic and hiding it in Camelot but Griff didn't have that luxury just yet so he thought he was perfectly entitled to raise his voice a little. Besides, surely she can just magic one of those things away again? He didn't reply, firstly because she was right and he should be being quiet, and secondly because now he was annoyed. This was not the first time he'd just had information thrust at him and expected to accept it within seconds. He was still finding this rather a lot to deal with. This was Caitrin. Up until this point he had been quite certain he knew her completely, he trusted her completely and he'd assumed she'd trusted him. But she couldn't trust him, not completely anyway, to have kept this secret from him for so long. Was she ever going to tell him if they'd never been in a situation like this? He could have gone his whole life without knowing this fundamental truth about the woman he was spending it with.

"You were trying to protect me?" Griff repeated, looking at her again. Well wasn't that convinient. "You were protecting me by lying to me?" His irritation at her excuse was completely justified. He had a right to know this sort of thing, especially something that meant Caitrin could be in potential danger in Camelot. How was he supposed to protect her from it if he didn't know? The whole thing was ridiculous and he was still rather annoyed that it had taken so long for him to find out. "Yes, Cait, I do know. That's why it would have been nice to also know about this. How long were you planning on not telling me? A year? Ten? And while we're at it is there anything else I should know? Are you third in line to the throne of Camelot? Do you actually only drink the blood of the slaughtered innocent? Do you even love me? You certainly don't trust me." He broke off, getting angry at her wasn't going to help but he couldn't help how he was feeling. He ran a hand over his face, fully aware that he was now only making matters worse, the exact opposite of what he'd wanted. There was an uneasy silence between them. He bit his lip and his fingers started scratching at his neck and jaw line. Well done, Griff, he thought, you've really messed that one up.

“I’m sorry. I did want to tell you, but with the way things are in Camelot...Did you say magic was... nice?”

Griff was still biting his lip, feeling even worse after his outbreak. His anger and confusion had been justified but his words hadn't. He reached over, put a hand over hers and squeezed it lightly. "I'm sorry too. And yes, I did," he gave a rather sheepish shrug, "It's better than my talents, such as they are..." The atmosphere was still awkward, so Griff did what he always did in these situations - he kept speaking and probably made things worse. "So can you...I don't know...fly? Or turn people into toads? Can you turn Rouland into a toad?"

[Caitrin de Archer]

Now her secret was out, Caitrin felt quite awkward in a way. Perhaps she could have done something, or said something sooner to Griff. She could understand him being annoyed with her not telling him she was a sorceress, but he needed to understand why she had been unable to say anything. She had never really considered telling anyone, not because she didn’t trust them, but because it wasn’t a part of her life she liked to show that much in Camelot. After all, everyone knew the fate that lay in store for those with magic. She brushed a piece of hair behind her ear, and pressed her lips together. She lit the other torch in the room, just to be a bit smug about her talents, before she looked back to Griff. However, when Griff spoke again, there wasn’t any softness in his tone, no, he was annoyed and that much was obvious.

Caitrin, for a few moments, could see nothing but red. She was hurt more than anything, but that hurt quickly changed to anger. Her palm quickly collided with the side of Griff’s cheek, as her face turned a deep scarlet. “How dare you sit there and accuse me of not loving you!” She was shaking she was that angry, but she was trying to keep herself at least slightly composed for the time being. Them sat in here screaming and shouting at each other wasn’t going to do anyone any good. However, Griff’s words had hurt her, so she saw no reason to stop her verbal attack just yet. “I forgave you, despite what you put me through.” She was of course referring to the events which had taken place a year ago, “Are you trying to say that despite that, and the fact I married you, you still don’t believe I love you?” Her words were probably harsher than they needed to be, but she was angry so they were completely justified in her mind. Nothing else but that comment stuck out in her mind, she couldn’t believe would doubt her love after all this time. He meant everything to her, how could he not know that?

The hand on top of hers probably came too late, and Caitrin couldn’t look at Griff for a few moments while she calmed herself down. Jesu, she hadn’t got that angry in a long time; especially not with Griff. She finally forced her eyes back to him as he apologised and she nodded at him. “I’m sorry.” She said again, because she was. She had never meant to keep her secret to herself for this long, but it had just happened. Griff had been right to be angry. If the situation had been reversed then she would have probably done the same thing. She breathed out slowly, trying to calm herself down as her husband spoke again. She frowned, she was a sorceress, not a bird. How on earth would she be able to fly? She laughed at his last comment though, “I’m not turning my Uncle into anything.” She giggled and squeezed her husbands hand, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m not a very powerful sorceress, I can move and levitate things, and conjure fire and water, thats about it.” She shrugged, perhaps she would have been better tutored if Helgund had not passed when she had, but that was not to be thought of now. “Oh, and my potions, though I’m not sure which are magical and which are natural...” She trailed off thoughtfully and smiled at her husband, taking both his hands in his, “Don’t worry, I’m not suddenly going to become evil or anything. I’ve been like this since I was a little girl.” She had been practising magic with Helgund for most of her childhood, and she had enjoyed every moment of it. Of course sorceresses were regarded with care in Camelot, after all, Morgana didn’t exactly show the good that magic could do.

Notes: I love the fact my last post in this was number 600, im now on 686

[Griff Aubert]

Griff probably deserved that slap in the face, in hindsight his last words had been out of order. He tried to ignore the pain in his already red cheek - Caitrin really did have a knack for that sort of thing, then again, he gave her ample oppurtunities to practice. It was a perfectly justified outburst, especially when paired with her words. His own had been said purely out of his anger at her obvious mistrust and the suddeness of this new information just being thrust at him. Of course he knew she loved him, there was never any real doubt of that, but he did wish that she'd been able to tell him about her magic before now. What had she expected him to do? Run off and tell someone? They both knew what could happen then, which is precisely the reason he'd never do that. "I didn't mean-" he broke off, he was never good with words, not when it mattered. "I know you do, it's just...well...why didn't you trust me before?" Surely they had been through enough together for her to know that he would protect her from anything, including the penalties for practicing magic.

He didn't reply to her apology, there was nothing else to say as far as sorrys were concerned. He just smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. They had both been in the wrong, and really, there was no point in dwelling on the fact that Caitrin had hidden this magic, or Griff's awful word choices. Caitrin's magic was just another part of who she was, so he was going to have to accept that.

He felt a little more at ease when she laughed at his words. Finally, something he'd said actually had the desired effect. "Really? Not even until we empty the wine store?" He asked, trying to keep a serious face. Something told him, however, that even if Caitrin did manage to turn Rouland into a toad that wouldn't stop the man from keeping his wine safe. That was an amusing thought...she'd have to find out exactly how to do that. Griff was more than willing to help with that one. As he listened to her explaining her magic, something twigged in his memory, a conversation from rather a long time ago that he'd thought he'd forgotten about. "Wait a second...when I first came here after that feast and you said you were magic charms or whatever...you were actually making charms? Proper ones with magic and stuff?"

[Caitrin de Archer]

Her palm was stinging from where it had collided with her husband’s cheek. She didn’t resort to physical means very often but that was, in her opinion, completely justified. She could take most insults, mainly because she knew she was in the wrong. She should have told Griff that she was a sorceress before now, but she hadn’t, and it had led them to this situation. It was hard for Caitrin to explain why she hadn’t brought it up before because she was having problems justifying it to herself. Griff was her husband now, and she didn’t expect him to have any secrets from her, so she shouldn’t have kept this from him. She felt rather pathetic, and it was hard enough for her to admit she was in the wrong anyway. Had she really thought he would give her over to her death? No, Griff would never do that to her, so what was it? “I-I just didn’t want you to think I was...different.” Even her excuses were pathetic, she put her head in her hands, getting slightly annoyed with herself, “I do trust you, I just didn’t know how to tell you.” She settled on finally but still felt pathetic about her excuses. Nothing would excuse why she hadn’t told him, but she could try to reason it out.

She smiled up at Griff as he tucked some hair behind her ear. She loved it when he toyed with her hair, mainly because he was always delicate about it. To her it just showed that he was at least starting to accept who she was in wave of this new information about his wife. She was just settled for the moment and managed a genuine smile at her husband.

Caitrin looked up at Griff with mild surprise as a small grin pressed against her lips. She remembered that day quite well, almost like it was yesterday now that she actually thought about it. That had been the first time they had any real time alone. Well, there had been the time at the feast before that, but when he had come to visit her, Rouland hadn’t been breathing down their necks. It had certainly given them enough time to know each other a lot better. “I’m surprised that when you think of that day, that was the first thing that sprung to mind.” She bit her lip, feeling a bit more playful than her previous mood had allowed. His question was a reasonable one though, and in truth she didn’t really know the answer. She had made love charms and little bits and pieces for those who worked her Uncle’s land, but she wasn’t sure how much of it was just in the mind and how much of it was magic. She knew little pieces of magic which were probably more like folklore, but they usually worked. “The love charms?” She asked with a bit of a knowing grin on her face, “They’re a bit magic yes, why? Not worried that’s how I caught you are you?” She winked at him. Of course she’d never think to try and enchant her husband, not even for a joke, but it was still fun to suggest it. “But some of them do have magic I suppose.” She shrugged like it was nothing but she was still grinning mischievously, “You don’t think I’m... different because of this, do you?” She asked a little more seriously. “I still love you.” She almost blurted out, but she pressed her lips together into another smile, she didn’t tell him that she loved him enough. But even though he’d shouted at her, and they’d both been in the wrong she did still love him; that would never change.

[Griff Aubert]

His cheek still hurt, but that wasn't nearly as important anymore because Caitrin was, Caitrin always was, and although he wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to be dealing with the situation he was pretty certain his previous attempts had been prime examples of how not to behave in this situation. He wasn't being intentionally awful, he was just genuinely awful whenever something happened. "You are different." he replied, sighing because he was annoyed at himself for not being better and handling this and it was his fault if Caitrin didn't trust him. "For starters, you can't talk properly." He grinned, trying to lighten the mood. "I don't care if you're blue or had five legs, it doesn't matter."

He bit his lip at her next words, he couldn't remain angry at her, or even slightly annoyed. Magic was not something one went around shouting about in Camelot and although, yes, she should have told him sooner, in the grand scheme of things it didn't matter. She was his wife, no matter how many people she'd turned into toads. "Well, you've told me now." He shrugged, trying to make everything seem less important. He was glad that she said she trusted him though, because her not knowing how to tell him was one thing - and something that, as proven, they could deal with - but he wasn't sure he could deal with her not being able to trust him. He didn't have to though, because she did.

Ah! She smiled! He must have done something right! His own smile increased, pleased that he'd actually managed to say the right thing - whatever that thing was. "Well, it wasn't the first thing..." He replied, his mind already wandering to certain events that happened that day. That was the day he'd first realised what Caitrin could do to him, how she could make him feel, amongst other things.

He was pleased to see that she was teasing him, that the mood was lightening. He really didn't want to be annoyed with her, and he'd like even more for her to not be annoyed with him. After everything that had happened that night, an argument would really, really not be welcomed. "Well I've often wondered why I married a...Mercian." At her next question he took her hand, and squeezed it gently, his other hand cupping her face, thumb brushing against her cheek lightly. "Of course I don't. You're still annoying. And I still love you...must be those charms again."

[Caitrin de Archer]

In a way, Caitrin felt like they were both moving on in this conversation somewhat. She was glad, because it meant that Griff had accepted that part of her, something which had always worried her. Caitrin pulled a face at her husband at his words though, “What do you mean I can’t speak properly?” She frowned at him, but that was replaced by a small smile. She found Griff’s hand and squeezed it. “You don’t have anything to confess while we’re at it do you?” She only really meant it as a jest, because she supposed if Griff did have something like sorcery he would have already told her. Well, at least her sorcery was out in the open with her husband now, and she could practice it freely with him. That was something wasn’t it? Perhaps there would be a time where she wasn’t persecuted for her sorcery.

Caitrin found her smile increase a little as she looked on at her husband. He always had a habit of making her smile, no matter what the mood was. She often found she couldn’t stay irritated or annoyed by him for too long. It was almost like he wouldn’t let her. At his words, she gave a wide smirk and bit her lip slightly, “Somehow I didn’t think it would be.” That was the first time she had ever looked at Griff, and realised that she loved him. She wouldn’t have thought it possible before then, but after that day and night they had spent together, Caitrin had found herself completely smitten by Griff. A fact which had never changed, it had only grown.

She pulled a face at his Mercian comment. They always had a little banter where their kingdoms were concerned. “There is nothing wrong with being a Mercian.” She replied in the thickest accent that she could manage. Her Mercian accent was something she was somewhat proud of, she loved it. She wanted her children to speak with this accent as well. As Griff cupped her cheek, all other thoughts left her head. She just pulled another face as he called her annoying, but she squeezed his hand back all the same. Overall, Caitrin had had enough of arguing, and being annoyed with him. She wanted to return to some normality, he knew she had sorcery now, and that was that. Leaning forwards, Caitrin left a soft kiss upon her husband’s lips, “I love you too Griff. Always will.” She whispered against his lips and brushed her spare hand through his hair. She could just enjoy this moment with her husband until she was forced back into reality.

As Caitrin broke away from her husband, she looked around them. They were in this small little store cupboard, hiding away like lambs before the slaughter. Everything seemed to have calmed down somewhat, they weren’t being attacked and that was the main thing. “Griff, should we try and go back to the room?” She asked softly, if not then they would be sleeping in here tonight because there was nothing to say that these things wouldn’t come back. There were some old blankets in the corner, so at least they would be able to keep warm.

Post #900

[Griff Aubert]

Once again, Griff Aubert had tried and failed to lighten the mood of an otherwise unpleasant situation. He should really have learnt by now, but for some reason he never did. It was a wonder Caitrin hadn't killed him by now. He scratched his neck. This wasn't going according to plan. Oh...wait...that was a smile! He was sure of it. Maybe he had managed to lighten the mood. Well this was a first. He'd have to remeber this moment, replay it in his mind during a memory montage of Griff Aubert's Finest Moments. He scratched his neck again because this was an oppurtunity too good to miss, and he knew Caitrin would take his action as a sign of nerves. "Well...since we're on the subject of confessions...there's probably something I should tell you...I'm not proud of it, but you deserve to know the truth." He paused for dramatic effect. "Rouland and I have been having an affair. He's better in bed than you, we're moving out. Or rather...you're moving out. It's still his property." That was probably going to earn him another slap but it was more than worth it.

There was nothing wrong with being Mercian? Did she not understand the truth by now? Well, he supposed if she didn't know by now she wasn't going to learn. He was just going to have to accept that this was something she was always going to be ignorant about. Besides, he didn't want another slap. "Well I suppose it could be worse...although no such scenario comes immediately to mind." She couldn't be too annoyed with him for that comment, because her next words were her telling him she loved him, and that always put a smile on his lips. No matter how often he heard the words there would be a smile. "Quite right too."

Unfortunately, the moment was not to last. Caitrin had to go and ruin it, as per. She was normally the one to start it as well, it was all rather annoying. Still, he supposed she did have a point. They were only here because they'd been hiding from a...thingy...but it seemed the worst of it had already passed. Besides, she was clearly capable of holding her own. It was slightly emasculating. "Erm...if you think, you are magic lady, it's up to you."

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrincocked her head to the side as Griff spoke of a confession, though whatever she had thought her husband was about to say, it certainly wasn’t anything like what he did confess. She could have slapped him, but that would have been too easy really. Instead she shrugged and just looked back at Griff in a matter of fact way, “Fine, but I suppose you won’t be enjoying anything like this-“ She let her hand brush across the tops of his thighs, over the more sensitive area and lingering there for a few moments as her fingers brushed over what she wanted them to, “Later then.” Caitrin pulled her hand back and smirked at him, “A pity.” She winked at Griff, smirking as she did but she was being quite serious in a way. She knew he was joking of course, but she could play this game better than he could.

Caitrin frowned at Griff and tried to look like his words hadn’t bothered her. She was telling the truth of course. There really wasn’t anything wrong with being Mercian. Her family were a little unsavoury in parts, but northern women had a lot more strength than a lot of the southern ones, or at least that was what she had been brought up to believe. “Well I could be southern born.” She pointed out reasonably, “That would be the worst case scenario.” Caitrin was getting tired with Griff poking insults at her home, so she was merely returning the favour somewhat. He was of course telling her he loved her as well, but that wasn’t going to take her words back so instead she just nodded, only a small smile on her lips.

Magic lady? Was he trying to wind her up? Caitrin rolled her eyes back to her husband, cocking her head to one side. “Sorceress.” She hissed back at him, keeping her voice low as she corrected him. She didn’t want the whole household to know after all, but she had her pride if nothing else. “Sorceress, not magic lady.” It wasn’t often that Caitrin got to be a bit proud and show her true ego about her sorcery. Well, she never got to do that. Even in Mercia her gifts had been a well guarded secret; her nurse often feared Mercia would adopt Camelot’s policy on magic so she had kept her well hidden. Caitrin then stood up and took the torch from the wall and pressed her ear against the door before opening it. She couldn’t hear anything, so when she opened the door she stepped out into the corridor slowly, the torch lighting up her path. Breathing out slowly she allowed herself to relax slightly, “There’s nothing out here.” She confirmed, and waited until Griff had joined her before making her way back to the room. Whatever had tried to attack them might have passed on, or perhaps that was a naive hope. There was nothing in their bedchambers either, so she stepped inside and lit each of the torches in their room with a few words before grinning back to her husband. She could get used to showing off a little.

[Griff Aubert]

Was this really the time for such suggestion? And, more importantly, why was it Griff who was the one asking whether it was the time? Usually he was the one being inappropriate, but it seemed for once his sense of self-preservation was over-riding his libido. His hands automatically clenched as Caitrin's own started wandering. She was doing nothing for his self-preservation, it seemed. And yet he was still disappointed when she pulled away. Damn her and her hands. He was all for staying alive and well, and then she brought sex into it and staying quite in case of another attack really wasn't as appealing a suggestion. And then there was his own sense of pride kicking in because really, he'd already proven that he could ignore her advances and he shouldn't have to do so again, however nice they were, despite of course the impending death...he was so conflicted. Making a firm decision to ignore all her advances he shifted slightly, unclenched his hands and tried to give himself an air of nonchalance. "Well as I said, you're not as good as Rouland."

They really hadn't managed to move on from their southern-northern argument, and Griff had a feeling they never would. They were both far too stubborn, and it had lasted far too long for either of them to admit defeat. Usually he thought Caitrin took his words in jest, but the tone of her own made him question this. He hadn't been serious. In all honesty, there was nothing wrong with the north - apart from the cold, and her family, but other than that. Now he just felt awkward, again, and like he’d said the wrong thing, again. This really was a habit of his. One day he would say the right thing, and everyone would be so impressed and the world would be full of sunshine and rainbows and, for some reason in his imagination, quite a lot of carrots. The thought briefly confused him, having no idea why carrots were suddenly a signifier of joy and happiness. Obviously his subconscious was trying to tell him something, not that that particularly mattered now of course because, once the initial carrot-based confusion had worn off, he was back to feeling awkward at his comment about the north. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” he replied, feeling more like a scolded child than an apologetic husband. Caitrin was supposed to have seen the light-heartedness of such a remark, but obviously she hadn’t.

Alright...she was a sorceress. Griff was slightly taken aback by her tone, it seemed like he was doing a mighty fine job of irritating her at the moment. He’d only been trying to cheer her up but he was quickly coming to the conclusion that perhaps he should just keep his mouth shut in such situations. So instead he just sat there, rather uselessly as she stood up, took the torch and opened the door. He was fairly sure he should be doing this, and it was rather wounding his pride, but at this point he wasn’t going to argue. It was probably better for all parties if he just let her carry on. He did stand up though, as that was probably at least a little helpful. With a short nod at her words, he followed her back to the chambers. It felt weird to be back there again – the cupboard had been a place of much revelation whereas their room still hung of their last conversation there, and that was something he definitely didn’t want to discuss again.

But Caitrin was grinning, so she must be feeling better, and with her feeling better he was feeling more confident so he matched her grin and slipped an arm around her waist. “You know I’m pretty sure I was the one who was supposed to be doing all the rescuing back there.”

[Caitrin de Archer]

There was no way her Uncle was going to hear about what Griff was saying about him. Knowing Rouland he would probably be furious, so this would never go further than this room. Caitrin decided that she was going to stop rising to this ridiculous story; she could see the effect she was having on her husband; the same effect she always did, so his features betrayed him, even if his words didn’t.

Caitrin couldn’t explain why she had got so upset by Griff’s teasing about Mercia. He did it all the time, and she always knew he wasn’t being serious. She looked down, now feeling guilty for snapping at him. She didn’t think there was anything wrong with the south in truth, it was Griff’s home and she respected that. Mercia was still quite close to her thoughts, an she would never really associate her history with anything else. Perhaps she had just been tired of Griff’s teasing, especially given the night they were having. Or she could just be tired. She wasn’t sure, she just felt different, but she felt all the worse for just snapping at Griff, and laying all this on him. Running her hand through her hair, she realised how ridiculous this was. Why was she wasting time bringing this all down into an argument when that thing could still be outside? “I know you weren’t.” She replied rather humbly, and was stuck between reprimanding him or just brushing it all aside. Caitrin had to admit that the teasing was getting a little taxing on her nerves. Whatever her husband thought of Mercia it had been her home, and without it she would not be the woman she was today, despite what she had been through. “I know you don’t have any good experience of Mercia, but I’m proud to be Mercian. I don’t jest negatively about Glouchedon all the time.” She was starting to get angry, and that wasn’t going to help anything. Really they only needed to focus on getting out of here alive.

And there, she had snapped again. Sighing, she bit her lip, this wasn’t how she had pictured this to be at all. For once she just wanted things to be somewhat normal, and then she and Griff could get back to worrying about real issues in their lives, rather than ones over exemplified by the high emotions and seriousness of the situation. Caitrin hadn’t meant to get so annoyed with Griff, he was only trying to make her feel better, but she had taken him at face value and managed to upset herself even more in the process. Sighing, she looked back at Griff, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout at you.” Caitrin really did mean it, she shouldn’t be taking her emotions out on him because he didn’t deserve it, “I don’t...I don’t feel like myself tonight.” It wasn’t an excuse, it was a fact. She hadn’t felt this emotional in some time, not since Morgana had taken over Camelot in fact.

Now they were back in the room, she didn’t feel much better for it. The threat of that thing was still in the back of her mind, and the conversation she and Griff had been having earlier was still looming over her. Caitrin felt a little comforted when Griff slipped his hands around her waist, and she even managed a grin at her words. “Well, luckily for you, you married a sorceress, so you didn’t have to worry about that. Feeling a little cheered up, she pulled herself out of Griff’s embrace and stretched out a little, hugging herself as she turned to face her husband. “Should we get ready for bed, husband?” She walked back over to him, and smiled softly up at him, “Or did you have something else in mind?

[Griff Aubert]

Griff bit his lip – probably for the hundredth time that night – he really had only been trying to cheer her up, to diffuse some of the tension. It was his own fault though; he should know damn well that his attempts to do anything usually didn’t end well. Situations always ended up worse, and this was certainly no exception. He decided against saying anything, he probably should have done, but he wouldn’t be saying the right thing, so he was hoping this was one of those times were saying nothing would be better. Hopefully, that couldn’t make it worse, although this was Caitrin so who knows. He definitely didn’t.

He gave a small smile at her words. See – saying nothing had actually worked. He would have to remember this. Of course this would now mean that this particular instance would be the only time keeping his mouth shut would work, and he was just destined to a lifetime of getting everything wrong. But at least that was something he was used to. He leaned forward slightly so he could squeeze her hand. “You don’t need to apologise.” He told her in what sounded to him like a reassuring tone, so hopefully his words would achieve the desired effect.

Any normal person would just try and get some sleep, or if they were the sort of person actually capable of discussing emotions and, well, generally anything serious, they might decide that maybe their near death experience should probably be a topic of conversation. It had been, for lack of better words (because frankly he was too tired to think of better words), a strange sort of night, and there was plenty that still needed discussing. More functional humans would take this as an opportunity. Not Caitrin de Archer – unless Griff was seriously misreading the signals which, given everything that had just happened, would be definitely not good. With this sudden paranoia, he thought it was best not to jump straight in with his previous thoughts, but to make sure that they were both on the same wavelength. “No, but it sounds like you might.”