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Post by Guinevère on Jun 30, 2010 14:32:40 GMT -5
Guinevère felt her heart beat faster and for a moment-one all too short yet miraculous moment--she felt pure joy at his words. She wanted to laugh and smile and push him against the wall for another soul consuming kiss. She wanted to pretend so badly for these few moments that he was not a prince and she was not a servant. Maybe they were just simple people, in simple lives, and the hardest troubles that would ever face them would be the kind that you laughed about, not the ones that broke hearts.
Knowing he loved her, that Lancelot was right, did not mean reason suddenly left them. Arthur was still a prince, and his father was still king. She was but a servant, and there were rules that neither of them seemed willing to break. "But one day you will." She told him, her heart breaking over the words. She almost wished he say they didn't matter, and they would find a way. "One day you will find your princess. One day you will be king of Camelot, and I can not be your queen."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jun 30, 2010 15:21:32 GMT -5
Arthur did not know what her reaction would be to his words. He was not sure what she would do . . . what she would say . . . but her words, were not ones he had wanted to hear. He wanted to hear that she loved him too, and that they would find a way to make everything work out. Guinevère was the one who always gave him hope; the one who would comfort him when he needed it. And so for her to say these words with such finality, providing no hope for a future between them, that itself broke Arthur's heart. He was not going to give up though. He valued this far too much to merely just let it go, even if it was the logical and rational thing to do.
He had imagined falling in love one day, as everyone did. He imagined that she would be the future queen, and a wonderful one. Now, he knew who that woman was, and all he wished for, were that there were no limitations on who the princess and future Queen of Camelot could be. "You don't know that," he said. He was not going to accept it. He did however break eye contact with her shortly after he said it, looking at the ground beneath him. Hating, that they had to have this kind of conversation.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 30, 2010 16:20:48 GMT -5
"I do. The same as you do. If there was some way for . . . . . us, then we would not be hurting." Guinevère spoke while watching him not look at her. She knew he knew this. If he did not care for his father's thoughts and Uther was a less violent man then maybe it would be something they could risk. However Arthur was not going against his father, and Guinevère was truly afraid of Uther. Even then, Uther was not the only thing between them.
She watched him for a moment before biting down on her lip. This was unfair and hurting them both. Wasn't love supposed to be something so much grander? Bring you peace and joy? "I do not look forward to the day when you find your princess, Arthur, never mistake that I do have feelings for you. But I can't live just waiting for you to meet her. One day, it will not be a spell. One day it will be true."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jun 30, 2010 20:56:26 GMT -5
Arthur was not going to believe it. It was too painful to imagine her with another man (even though the thought of Lancelot had not full escaped his mind), and himself with another woman. "Things could change," he began. They had to change. They must. So why had he not said it with as much confidence as he wanted to? "When I said, that I have never loved another, I mean that I never had, and I never will." No matter who he met, no matter who his father suggested . . . his heart would never belong to another. It did not matter if she was just a servant to other people; she was so much more than that to him.
"Which is why I am never going to stop fighting for us. I will not let this be the end of it all. I can not." It may be selfish of him to ask her to wait . . . maybe she would not. Or maybe, there was some hope inside of her that would enable her to do so. "I can not ask you to wait for when that day comes, for I know it is not fair to you. But I will never give up on it." He was far too determined, far too devoted to her to let himself be with another woman. The thought alone was a betrayal.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 30, 2010 21:08:03 GMT -5
"Please," She shook her head as if to say no when he spoke of never loving another, "If you say it, I might believe you. I am proof alone that you can not control how you feel about people." She was speaking of how she felt for Lancelot, "You will meet many women, Arthur, they will far more then I could never be." Morgana for one. "They will give you name honor and grace, while I would do none of that."
"You father is a healthy man, Arthur, what if he lives to be a very old man? Shall we wait til we are old and gray? Til I can not give you sons which you need?" She would wait for him, but it was not fair to HIM to wait. "You can admit to your father your feelings for me, and I am to afraid of him to ask it of you. I wish NO harm to your father, EVER, and I WANT him to live to til he is an old man, because I do not wish you to feel that loss." Even if it would be better for the kingdom to happen sooner then later. "It's the uncertainty I can't live with. No the time. Not the waiting."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jun 30, 2010 21:47:48 GMT -5
"That is not true," he argued immediately. He was defense, especially when she claimed that others were better than her. "You have already done that Guinevère. I have never met a better woman than you, and I am certain I never will." He took a step towards her. "Nothing can ever degrade for you are the most honorable, pure, and sincere person I have ever met. To say that someone is better than you . . . that I will find someone better than you . . . it is impossible."
He did not need time to prove this; he knew it in his heart. Arthur could picture her as Queen, as odd as that sounded; he knew she would be fair, and just as she was sure he would be a king that people loved, he was just as certain that she would be a similar Queen. The thought itself was easier to think than the reality of the situation. "I will swear to you now Guinevère, that I will never love another woman." It was a promise. One that he would swear his life on. He wanted her to believe it. He wanted her to know that her love for her was not a temporary lust that would vanish once he met someone else.
He was trying to find words to answer her next questions. It was not easy; for he did not actually have an answer. "I do not have everything worked out, about what the future holds. I wish I knew now, but I do not." He wished he could provide her with a certain plan. He did not want to wait for his father to die; he did not want to think about his father's death. That could not be the only way for him to find happiness with the woman he loved. "You are right. You should not have to wait with that uncertainty. But I can not let you believe that it is a lost cause. For I will wait for as long as it takes, even if it is for the rest of my life." He was not trying to be over dramatic, but he wanted her to know how serious he was about this . . . about them.
"If the only reason you can not wait is because you think there is someone better out there then you, could not be more wrong. If you can not wait because your heart will not let you," -- mainly meaning that if she wanted to move on with her life -- "Then I will let you go." He would stop providing her with this hope, and he would have to accept her decision. He would respect it . . . what choice would he have for he had no hold over her. She was her own person. He was not going to order her to do anything.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 30, 2010 22:04:10 GMT -5
"You have my heart," But so did Lancelot, "I can not wait for you because it would not be fair to you. To Camelot." She told him. "When you become king--be it tomorrow or years and years from now--you will be a king they love. A king other kings look to, and respect as they respect you now. Marrying me would hurt that. What would you do, Arthur, when someone made the first joke? Challenge him? You are not the back down type, and I fear what that would do you the reputation for loving peace and being fair you have been building."
"What if we braved the ridicule, and waited until your father die? In 30 years when he is an old man in his bed, and he lose him to father time, I will not be young enough to give you sons. You will have no heir to Camelot. The line of greatness that runs thought you, would die with you. And if you decided to brave your father's reactions and admit to him your feelings to me . . . . what happened to the last girl who did so? She left so quickly no one even knew for sure what happened." She wanted to cry, and hoped it did not show in her voice. "I say we are impossible because it is not fair to you and the kingdom you love and that loves you. I would wait, a thousand years to be in your arms, Arthur. But I can not be your queen."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 3, 2010 0:35:58 GMT -5
Arthur listened to her quietly. About her continuing to express her faith in him as king; to him challenging anyone who spoke against her if she were to be his wife; to her inability to have children by the time he was king. It was all logical, and yet, Arthur was still too stubborn to admit it. He would not accept it. He already made a vow to her; he was not about to break it just because of what she was saying. There had to be a way for things to work out. It was too devastating to just . . . let this go. He remained in a thoughtful silence, unsure what to say. He did not like arguing with her, for continuing to hear how there was more reason for them not to be together rather than the opposite, was hard to hear and he could imagine it was hard to say as well.
"I would never let anything happen to you." He remembered when Sophia had come and he had been so quickly ready to marry her . . . and his father had not reacted too well to it. While that was the case, as much as Arthur wished he could just ignore his responsibilities and elope with her, his love for Camelot would not permit him to do so. He wanted to be a good Prince, and future King of this grand Kingdom. He could not just walk away from his duties, no matter how much he loved Guinevère: how could he pick from two of his greatest loves? "I will not give up with this." He was just repeating the same words, trying to convince himself just as much as he was trying to convince her. "I do not know what I will do, but I will do something." How would his father ever accept this? How would he convince him that it would suit Camelot, for he knew Gwen would make a perfect queen. All these thoughts prevented him from speaking too much. He was still trying to find a way to make this work, and was desperately searching his mind.
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 5, 2010 0:12:43 GMT -5
Guinevère knew that he would never go against his father and she would never ask him to. Should the day come when Uther's wrath came upon her again what would Arthur do? What could he do when facing a king who would jail and drug his own son if need be. Nothing. Helping her would only hurt him. She knew she should tell him she wasn't his to try to keep safe but would never do so because she wanted so badly for it to be true.
"Until that day then," She bent down into a deep bow before him, "my lord." and keep her head down, even when she came out of the bow. Like a servant, she would not look her betters in the eyes. She knew this might hurt him, but she also hoped it would remind him what stood between them. More then just class, years and years and years of class and bloodlines. Something that neither of them were willing to break at the moment.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 5, 2010 23:41:51 GMT -5
Her next words and actions hurt. It was like a knife stab right at his heart for after everything they talked about, it showed that she really was going to create a distance. She was not even looking at him in this moment. Her gaze was lowered, she was positioned in a bow, and she had just referred to him as my lord. He did not know what to say. She had made up her mind about this, yet Arthur would still not accept that this was going to be the way they were from now on.
He looked at her, waiting a few moments to see if she would return her gaze. She did not. And Arthur could not say anything right now. So he broke the silence by walking away; he went out the door and closed it behind him. He did not even stand outside it. Instead, he just kept walking as he made his way back to the castle, not feeling any better than he did before.
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