Recent Posts

Griff gave a small, laboured chuckle, which ended up being nothing like a chuckle, and more than an odd wheeze. Of course it wasn't just her money he had been interested in. It might have started out that way, when he had first met her he had cared about nothing but improving his own life and saw her as a way to do that. But then he'd gone and fallen in love with her. What a mistake that had been. "I don't care about her money. I just..." he sighed, he missed her so much, too much. He'd never missed anyone before, he'd never cared about anyone enough. It just so happened to first woman he really loved had to go and hate him. This was why he'd always tried to protect himself. He just knew something like this was going to happen. "I just want to see her again," he bit his lip and swallowed hard. "But she hates me so..." he gave a nonchalant shrug, falling back on pretending he didn't care, when it was quite obvious that the opposite was true. "And yes, she's the reason for...this."

Gwaine was right, he wasn't cut for a nomad life at all. He'd never left Glouchedon until he had to. He didn't know what he was doing, or where he was going, it was actually a surprise he'd managed to survive this far. Maybe it was his punishment, surviving just to suffer. He certainly deserved as much.

Although he didn't show it, he did apprecaite Gwaine's words. Not many men would be quite so sympathetic, although he found himself not caring much for his advice. He was fully certain that nothing could be as bad as his life now, not even slavers. Besides, he could hardly sit up, would he really be worth a slavers hassle? "I'm not sure I'm worth that," he replied, voicing his thoughts. "Can't quite sit up...let alone...slave..." That wasn't the right word, but his head hurt and he didn't care. Gwaine would no what he meant. "Anyway," he forced himself to try and think positively, that could be acheived by changing the subject. "What brings you here?"

Oh, wonderful. Gwaine was laughing at him, that was making him feel better. It was always nice to know that in times of woe there was always someone ready to laugh at your misery. He didn't reply to his comment, firstly because it seemed more rhetorical than anything, and secondly because he was too annoyed at being laughed at. Griff had been quite happy wallowing by himself, he didn't ask for company, and if this is what he was going to get then he'd rather be alone.

Obviously that wasn't an option. It seemed he had no choice but to tell Gwaine what had happened - or make up some elaborate lie that would keep the man quiet, though he doubted his ability and anyway that was far too much effort for him right now. He sighed, and stared up at the ceiling. It was simple really. He'd lied to a girl, fallen in love, been revealed and had his heartbroken.

After a long pause he eventually turned to Gwaine and said, "She was informed that I was only interested in her money." After a shorter pause he added, "Not unreliably." That wasn't the whole story, of course, but it was enough for now. Gwaine didn't need to know that he'd been as good as disowned by his father, or that his own brother had told Caitrin of his motives. None of it really mattered now anyway, that was all just memories from his previous life.

“How long have you been on the road for?”

A change of topic was more than welcomed by the young man. Thinking of Caitrin just hurt, and while thinking of home hurt too it wasn't nearly as much. He'd learnt to put that all behind him a long time ago, if only he could do the same for his time in Camelot. It was the coward's way out, he was well aware of that, but he'd never tried to be brave. He just wanted to forget everything and stop caring and just stop hurting and wishing everything was different. He ran a hand across his face, and tried to ignore everything other than Gwaine's question. "About two months now? Something like that. I lost track, not that it matters."

Urgh, why was the man so interested in his life? Griff doubted very much that this new acquaintance actually cared, so he was just being intrusive for the sake of it. Well Griff didn't much care for that. It was hard enough living with what he'd done, he didn't need to tell everyone he met just what a complete arse he was.

Irritatingly, the man seemed to be incredibly interested and not about to let Griff get away with a half-mumbled "It's complicated." Still, the man did seem like he was well travelled, so maybe he could explain without actually explaining. He may as well try and save himself having to say any more. "There's a woman, of course." His words were said rather cynically, but then he was wallowing in his own misery so a little cynicism was more than allowed.

It seemed no matter where he went, or what he did, or, frustratingly, who he spoke to, Caitrin was always in his thoughts. She'd always been there, of course, ever since they're first meeting, but now it just hurt. He was well aware of the fact that she hated him, and rightly so. And he was also well aware of the fact that he was being a coward again by wishing he could just forget about everything and save himself from all of this.

Since leaving Camelot he'd been reduced to nothing, or rather since leaving Caitrin, as she'd been the one who made him something. It hurt to think about her, it hurt to not think about her, Jesu, it just hurt. He was a mess, and no amount of drinking was going to stop that, but he was soldiering on anyway simply because he didn't know what else to do.

"What you need my friend is one of these fancy bath houses, they would set you right."

He forced a small laugh to match the man's. That was quite possibly the last thing he needed. For starters, he wasn't sure if he could stand up, so he wasn't going to be much use in a bath house. And even if he could, that was hardly going to make him feel better - something he had learnt from experience. No, it just made everything worse. So he drank more, and charmed more girls and ended up feeling worse and worse and eventually he wouldn't be able to do anything anymore. He'd be old and tired and miserable and he wouldn't care, he'd just end. "I can't say I agree. Besides," a small grin formed on his lips, a shadow of what it once was, "that would involve paying."

Ah, another drink, that was going to make him feel better. Or make him think less, which was practically the same thing nowadays. "Thanks." He said and took a swig, the taste of ale was one that hardly left his mouth, and even though it could only have been an hour or so since his last drink it felt like an age.

He shook his head in response to Gwaine's question. "No, I'm from Gl-Glouch...Glouchedon." That had always been a mouthful, even without alcohol. "I'm just...wandering now."

Griff Aubert's forehead was beginning to ache. It could be because it had been pressed against a hard wooden table for quite some time. Or it could be because he'd started drinking about two months ago. Either way, it hurt and wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

He was wallowing. It was something he was becoming quite good at, actually, ever since leaving Camelot and leaving Caitrin. He winced, not wanting to dwell on thoughts of her any longer, but finding such a thing completely impossible. She was everywhere, and his life now served as a constant reminder of just how fantastically he had ruined everything, or rather how Lucan had ruined everything.

Before he could go into another monologue about his brother ruining his life he felt a hand on his back. He turned his head to find a man grinning down at him. This was just what he needed right now. "I think," he began, pulling himself into an upright position, "I think you might be right."

Despite himself, and despite the reason for Caitrin’s laughing, he found himself joining her. Even he had to admit that the thought of him trying to protect anyone against anything was a humorous one. It was a well-known fact that Griff was not good in any sort of conflict. He much preferred to try and charm his way out of any bad situation, and when that didn’t work? Well, that was what legs were for. “Well you’d do a much better job than I.” He replied, managing to suppress his laughter. He’d had enough arguments with Caitrin to know she could hold her own. Anyone who tried to cross her was likely to regret it.

“Erm…nothing…” Griff replied, still staring at her legs. They were very distracting. He managed to tear himself away from them and focus his attention back on her, and their conversation, rather than her anatomy. “What did you say?” That was a sure way to hide the fact that he hadn’t actually been paying attention to anything she’d said since her skirts had ridden up. Well, she must know he was going to look given any opportunity by now.

He matched her grin with his own, an extra flashy one, and replied, in all earnest. “Well by making it such an enjoyable experience of course.” His mock-innocence was betrayed by the smirk that now formed across his lips, but then, Caitrin knew fully well what he was implying, there was no need to try and pretend he meant anything else. There was a challenge in his tone, Caitrin was one of the few women he knew who would flirt back so well, and he was going to take full advantage of it.

His flirtation however, was somewhat dampened by her teasing. Yes, he did know how to lead on, he was just too busy being inappropriate. With a quick glare, again, one that was betrayed by a suppressed grin, he replied, “Of course I do, I’m a very experienced rider.” If Caitrin thought she was going to stop his flirting and inappropriate behaviour by doubting his riding skills, well, she clearly didn’t know him very well. After a click of his tongue, Demetrius started moving. Griff shot her a satisfied smile. See, he was able.

Griff shrugged, an almost exasperated shrug. What did it matter what sort of thing it was, all she needed to know was that they should probably keep away from it. That was enough information for him, if she wanted anymore surely she should be the one to procure it? "I don't know, a not good thing." Why was this not enough? Alright, Caitrin was curious and he accepted that, but the phrase "curiosity killed the cat" had sprung to mind, and it was something he would rather not test.

She was just being frustrating now, and for no reason that Griff could make sense of. "That's not what I'm saying at all." He replied, probably with more of a tone than he wanted. It sounded like he was angry at her, he wasn't, he was just not sure what to do, and not understanding why she wanted to put them both into more danger. She was the most frustrating person in the world when she wanted to be, which just so happened to be most of the time. He wasn't saying it was fine for her to go out there, he'd just been making the point that he wasn't going to, and he was trying to protect her, something made impossible by her attitude towards everything. "Please, just stay here."

Well he hadn't known there weren't any weapons in the bedroom. For all he knew there could have been - he really wouldn't put it past her. Part of him was actually surprised that there wasn't. When all this was over (assuming they didn't die horribly, of course) he would have to remember to hide some somewhere, just in case something like this happened again - which, as they lived in Camelot was quite likely.

He let out an exasperated sigh. His instincts were telling him to remain where he was, and make Caitrin stay too. Logic, however, was telling him that she was right, and they really did need to arm themselves against whatever was out there. Usually, he would be all in favour of listening to his instincts, but Caitrin had a torch in her hand, which made him favour logic. "Alright, but I'm going first." Only Caitrin could make him say those words, usually his own desire of self-preservation kicked in, but there was no way he was letting her put herself in danger if he could do so first.

She shoved him out of the way. Alright, maybe he wasn't going first. That was fine too. He stood in the doorway, anxious to find out if the thing was still there, and ready to pull Caitrin back inside if it was. It did occur to him how ridiculous the situation was - he should be the one with the torch not her, but at the moment arguing would be futile, so he just waited and bit his lip.

"You can come out, there's nothing here. I thought you said you saw something?"

Now he was just confused. He had seen something, he was sure of it. It was white and freaky and definitely something he didn't want to see again. He joined her in the corridor, almost annoyed that the thing wasn't still there. At least then his nerves would be justifiable. This was just embarrassing. He scratched his neck. "I did see something. I told you, it was a thing."

Of course he'd heard that, it would have been impossible for him not to have heard that. It sounded suspiciously like something not good. In his experience, those sorts of things usually sounded like something not good because that was exactly what they were. He'd been in Camelot long enough to know that it wasn't the safest of places, and when people started screaming that was a good indicator of when you should leave. This logic, however, was not going to satisfy Caitrin. "No." He lied, not thinking for a moment that she was going to believe him.

“Should we go and see what it was?”

No, no we shouldn't, Griff thought. No one should ever knowingly travel towards a scream, especially not one such as the one they had just heard. He sighed. What Caitrin meant to say was "I want you to go and see what that was." This wasn't going to end well, that much was obvious. Pulling himself up he slowly walked to the door, convinced that this was going to be a bad move. But he was there now, and it wouldn't do to back down now. Besides, if he didn't open the door Caitrin would.

He paused before putting his hand on the handle, trying to convince himself that nothing was going to happen. It wasn't working. Oh to hell with it. His hand grabbed onto the handle, a little too tightly and he pulled it open, almost hitting himself in the face with it in the process.

Right. That explains the screaming. His first reaction was to slam the door shut and try to pretend he'd just been imagining or hallucinating or something. Whatever he'd seen...that wasn't...right. He had no idea what it was, he hadn't given it a good enough look. Only a few seconds was enough to convince Griff that the...aparition?...was something he didn't want to be staring at. "Let's stay in here. For a long time. A very long time."

Griff was at a complete loss as to how to answer her. He had no medical knowledge and was therefore in no position to tell her whether conceiving another child would be possible or not. Simply telling her everything was going to be alright was hardly going to be reassuring, they both knew there was no way of knowing that.

He bit his lip in an attempt to repress his own emotions. It was true he had lost a child too, one that he had not even known could have existed until it was lost. He was in no way prepared to be a father, he could barely look after himself, and if Morgana's rule had taught him anything it was that he couldn't look after Caitrin either. Even so, he couldn't ignore the pain he felt when he thought about the baby, not only for Caitrin, but for himself as well. He bit down harder, managing to draw blood, but that didn't matter. He wanted everything to go away, the guilt, the pain, the loss, he wanted to block it all out and focus on Caitrin. She'd suffered enough because of him before, he wasn't going to let her continue to suffer now because he was too absorbed in his own feelings.

"We'll be alright, Cait." His words were a lot more convincing than he thought they would be, but he didn't need to convince himself, he needed to reassure Cait. He needed her to know that no matter what happened he would always be there for her. "Whatever happens, I promise you, we'll be alright."

This was not the first time Griff Aubert thought Caitrin was being selfish for going to bed early. It meant he was left in the company of Rouland de Archer alone. His wife's uncle was probably the most infuriating man in all creation, and that was with Griff fully recognising his own abilities to infuriate even the most stoic of men. In the three months that he and Caitrin had been married he'd already decided he really, really didn't like being left alone with Rouland. It wasn't that he didn't like the man, he just constantly on edge around him. Rouland made him feel uncomfortable, and knew it, and was probably amused by it.

Both men were sat rather awkwardly in Rouland's, having finished their dinner and now obliged to make conversation. It was quite obvious that it was happening out of convention rather than a desire to actually converse with one another. Griff would never have thought Rouland would be one for following convention, especially one as menial has having a drink- oh wait. Of course he followed a convention where drink was involved. It was obvious now.

Having declined a goblet of wine - which in hindsight had been a mistake - Griff was now sat with nothing to distract himself with. Rouland was staring at him. The man had a habit of looking at Griff with a look of disappointment, or that was what it looked like to Griff anyway. He just wanted to leave now. "I erm...I wonder what is wrong with Cait, she seemed fine at dinner-"

And then it him like a punch in the face. How could he have been so stupid, how could he have forgotten? He leant against the door, far too nervous to go in. There was nothing he could say to Caitrin, nothing in the world. While he had been throwing his life away on drink and women she had been locked away in the dungeons, alone and suffering. He couldn't imagine what it had been like. He'd never known anything like what she had been through. Sure, he'd suffered in life, who hadn't? But the point was that she shouldn't have, especially when he was supposed to protect her. He'd known Morgana had taken over Camelot, he'd known that meant Caitrin was probably in danger for her loyalty to the king, and yet he had done nothing. It was further proof of his cowardice. He couldn't do what she had done, he couldn't try and save her. So instead he'd made himself not care again, or tried to at least, and while he was drunk and laughing and ignoring everything, she had lost a child, their child.

He let himself slide down the wall, now sitting on the floor, and ran a hand through his hair and over his face. Just on the other side of the door Caitrin was alone, and feeling God knew what, and he had to go in there and make everything all right. It was his job - he was her husband. Normally he would have just ignored this, pretended nothing was wrong at all and carried on. He was an expert at ignoring his feelings, which was probably what got him into so many messes. This was something he couldn't surpress however. He had lost a child, one he hadn't even been aware could have existed until it was too late. He'd left and let Caitrin deal with everything by herself, and even now he was leaving her to save himself. If he didn't go in the room he didn't have to think about it. He didn't have to see her, he didn't have to feel the loss. If he just walked away he could ignore everything.

And then what would he do? Could he really leave his wife, the woman he loved more than anything in the world just because he could never cope with his emotions? Could he leave her to grieve alone? Of course not. It was true that Griff Aubert had always been a coward, he'd always ran away from things he could ignore, things he didn't like. But he'd lost Caitrin once before because of his own stupidity, he wasn't going to lose her now because of his cowardice. His own suffering didn't matter anymore, not when he was needed.

He stood up and took a deep breath, stared at the door for one second, two seconds and then forced himself to knock. He wasn't running away this time. "Cait? It's me, can I come in?"