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He knew.

He could tell, way before Arthur spoke, that he knew. Knew that he was lying, knew that there had been a sorcerer here. Knew that that sorcerer was him. He had pieced it together, his lie hadn't been well thought out before, he usually had more time to think up a lie. He should have said that the sorcerer had healed him and ran away, perhaps adding something about a prediction that he needed Arthur alive. But no, he had said there had been know one else here, had told him that he just fell and was nicked. When Arthur had been conscious enough to hear the words of magic.

He knew.

Merlin didn't know what to say to Arthur's intense stare. He had never seen the Prince so serious before directed at him, no matter what he had done. Arthur had figured it out, or at least believed he figured it out. It had to be so. But what was he to say? He had got caught in the lie, how would he get out of it this time? There wasn't a possible way, for despite his claims that Arthur was a clotpole, the man was quite perceptive. Merlin had only lied to him for several years, despite the man being his best friend. What was he to say now?

He had managed to hide his secret for so long, had managed to keep Arthur from knowing even within the most impossibly hard situations. He had performed it nearly right in front of his eyes and still managed to get away with it. Will had died while protecting his secret. Gaius had near died while protecting his secret. Multiple other people had near died because he had kept his magic a secret. He had nearly died because of results of using this magic, and always everything turned out okay.

But what now? What would happen now that Arthur knew? Would Gaius get into trouble for harboring a sorcerer? Would he somehow put his mother at risk? And how would Arthur feel about this? The fact that he had been lied to by his servant, and in all accounts friend, for over three years? Would he suddenly hate him? Would he accept it? Would he want him dead because of it? These were all fears that he felt, had always felt. His biggest worry was putting others in danger because of him, and his best friend finding out.

Being the son of the King who outlawed magic, Arthur had grown up being told that it was evil. Merlin knew it to be otherwise, and sincerely believed it so, but by all situations that they had encountered, magic always, in the end, seemed to be evil. For of course only those who had evil intents would break the law so openly that it would be seen as so. Those who used it for good tended to keep it hidden in fear that they would be executed.

So what would happen to him? He had always used it for good, had always strived to make it so. He had saved Arthur and Uther's lives with it multiple times, had saved Camelot with it multiple times, had saved others with it multiple times. But would it be seen that way? Or would it seem, just because it was magic, that it was used for evil?

He knew.

Still kneeling in front of Arthur, Merlin's calm demeanor broke for only an instant before he regained it. No, he was not ashamed of having magic, it was a part of who he was, it was a gift, not a curse, whatever Arthur might think. He would not lie to him anymore, if that was what Arthur wanted to know. He would not back down from the man's stern gaze and tone even when he asked again who else had been here.

No, he would not run from it anymore...

"I told you, no one."

Merlin knew the spell had worked almost as soon as the words had finished forming in his mouth. And surely enough, Arthur opened his eyes slowly. Even though he was indeed happy about this, he also felt... nervous? He always had that nervous feeling in his gut when he preformed magic with Arthur around. There was always that fear that he would find out, and then that fear about how Arthur would feel when he found out. It was one of the reasons he had never told the man. Obviously at first it was because he was a total prat, but over time, over the course of their friendship, it became fear from the simple fact that everything that happened seemed to prove that magic was evil.

When Arthur spoke, he was at a loss for words for a moment, but he finally found his voice, deciding that Arthur couldn't have known it was a spell that saved him, he had been unconscious, right? So what harm would another lie, do? He had lied to him so many times... Yes, he was a terrible liar, but for some reason, he had always been able to fool the Prince. Guess that came from seeming like a complete and utter clumsy moron... Seemed to come in handy sometimes...

"The snake just nicked your arm," he lied. "You slipped and hit your head, lucky it seems you've done no brain damage." He hoped that Arthur hadn't all of a sudden gotten wise about this, and that his lie would work. . .

Of course they weren't going to let them go! Whoever summoned them was intent on killing them! "Nooo, I never would have guessed!" he replied. He didn't protest to the 'keep running' part, though! Yes, he agreed that running was their best option at this moment, though he also knew that they couldn't keep running.

They might be able to run back to Camelot if they were lucky -- but it appeared they were never lucky in that kind of thing... -- but even if they did, what then? The snakes would be loose among the people, so what would they do after that? These snakes appeared to be dangerous, surely they couldn't let them run around the city! Even Arthur, who usually seemed ready to fight those kinds of things, had immediately had them run away. He recognized these creatures? If Arthur didn't want to fight them, then they most definitely couldn't be a good thing!

Merlin was afraid that they would need to stop these creatures soon, as he doubted it was possible to run all the way back to Camelot anyway. But what could stop an army of magical creatures? If Arthur hadn't attacked them, did that mean that swords couldn't work? So what did that leave? ... Magic. But how?

When Arthur suddenly swerved to the side and pulled him with him, Merlin resisted to urge to cry out in surprise. He trusted Arthur enough to believe he knew what he was doing... or so he hoped he knew what he was doing. He pressed himself as close to Arthur as was needed to keep out of sight of the snakes. He prayed that they were as stupid as they seemed so far, and continued to go after absolutely nothing. But when would they realize? And would they attack anyone else?

One always wondered how their friends would react to the truth. A truth that you kept from them, either for their benefit, or because you were afraid of how they would react. A truth that, perhaps, you knew you should have told them about, especially your closest friends. For what are friends for if not to share these things? Always that worry of their reaction gnaws at you, only becomes worse the longer you keep the secret silent.

Sometimes it's better to tell them, than let them find out on their own. . .

* * * * *

Merlin was riding his horse alongside Arthur out in the woods. As if that was new -- nor was the reason they were here new. Hunting trip. Yep, another hunting trip, which Merlin was not at all pleased about. He didn't mind them, really, he never minded leaving Camelot with Arthur, got him away from his chores and all. But something bad almost always happened during them. Really, he was starting to wonder why they even continued to go on them!

Today was no different, he feared. There was that feeling in his stomach that something was wrong, very wrong. "Arthur," he said, and his worry was evident in his voice. "Maybe we should turn back." He was serious, too, he completely believed that something bad was about to happen. And not later, but quite soon. What if bandits attacked? Or... or some kind of magical creature? Those liked to attack unsuspecting people in the middle of the forest!

Or what if they got lost? With their luck, it was very likely! Or--

Before he could think up many more reasons, the horses began to freak out, and the next moment, a wave of what was obviously magical energy came and pushed them off their horses! Landing behind his frightened horse -- which promptly ran off -- Merlin groaned and turned to look at Arthur.

-- Or a sorcerer attacked them!


_{Place: In a forest
Time: Around Noon
Timeline: After "Sorcerer's Shadow"
Tagged: Arthur Pendragon
Notes: This is a "What If?" thread.}

To say Merlin was disorientated was no lie. Having his his head so hard on the wall didn't do any physical damage or anything, but it made him lose his bearing. He was dizzy -- even winded -- and it looked like the whole castle was spinning. He knew it wasn't, but for a second he thought that perhaps he was still rolling down the stairs.

If he wasn't so confused at the moment, Arthur's braying laughter would have made him laugh. However, coupled with the fact he had just fallen down the stairs, and knowing he was quite vulnerable for Arthur, a part of his mind told him to get away! The other half told him not to attempt it, as he was still far too dizzy. But who ever would listen to that half when the Prince -- who you had just insulted practically -- was angrily barging towards you?!

He turned himself around as quickly as he could, to begin to scoot down the stairs as quickly as he could. After less than a second, though, he realized that that was still too slow. Arthur was faster than him even when Merlin wasn't dizzy! Stumbling into a standing position -- and almost falling down the stairs once more -- Merlin rushed to the railing as fast as he could, as if he hadn't, he would have been forced to sit down again from his spinning head.

"I won't let you kill me!" he practically slurred, his mind still too jumbled to form full words. With nothing to lose except his life -- which he still valued -- Merlin climbed onto the railing to let himself slide down it. He was too dizzy to run, and Arthur was faster, but could he catch him on the railing?

[Yes, yes we do ! And yay for castle chasing!]

When Gwen wrapped her free hand around him in a hug, Merlin found both his own wrapping around her to do the same. He suddenly found that he was happy, for he should be, to see her again. But he knew something was wrong, and her words only proved that suspicion more. There was something wrong with her having to wait here, something wrong about the room being guarded. And...

Where was Arthur?

"Gwen... what happened?" he asked softly, concern etching his voice. Though he believed he knew what had happened... Uther had found them. He wanted to hold on to her longer, he had missed her so much, but she pulled away. He gave her a small smile, and then looked to the little girl, and his smile widened into a grin. When Gwen spoke to her, Merlin felt as if a heavy burden was lifted from his shoulders. If he had been in the stories they told to the little one, then... they hadn't forgotten him?

"Hello, Anna. Such a pretty name for such a beautiful little girl. You look so much like your mother," he said in a warm voice. "There's no reason to be afraid, I don't bite. Oh, I have something for you!" Merlin, after losing his job -- because when Arthur left, he obviously couldn't be his servant anymore -- had needed something to do in his mass of time. So, after searching for a long while, he had taken up carving wood into various shapes.

His favorite was carving dragons. They were mythical, strong creatures that stood as a source of power. Plus, he carved them in memory of Arthur and Gwen -- for he had been sure that they would get married. He had one of the handheld carvings in his jacket pocket, which he turned to face away from the others to pull out. He turned so he could mumble a few words to finish it without anyone hearing, "ágrafan wideferhð déormód." Wideferhð déormód. Always Courageous. Which the Pendragons always seemed to be, even if foolishly so. Plus, it was a good motto and value to teach children.

Turning back around, he presented the small wooden dragon with the words engraved on the bottom. "A dragon for a Pendragon," he declared. He held it out for Anna to take if she so wished, giving Gwen another little smile.

Yes, Merlin silently agreed, thank god that the curse was lifted. With all those innocent people suffering for one man's actions -- even if Arthur had intended no harm. Right, of course he didn't agree with killing such a beautiful, majestic creature, but how would any of them have known that it would bring a curse down upon Camelot?

"We can continue to hope," he replied in a whisper. Though, who knew if anyone would ever come across another Unicorn? Hopefully, if they did, they wouldn't shoot it, or it would get away. Or, perhaps no one would ever see another Unicorn during a hunting trip. Yes, that was perhaps for the best. He raised an eyebrow at Arthur's smirk, though didn't question whatever he was thinking about.

Of course Arthur didn't know. But Merlin wasn't the type to sit back and let his friend run off into danger alone. He needed someone to watch his back -- even if he didn't realize that it was him. Oh, whenever he finally got around to letting the Prince know, how shocked Arthur would be! To know that he wasn't as useless as he seemed. This made him smirk himself in amusement.

"I wasn't just going to let you ride off to take a test that could have gotten you killed," Merlin informed. "I'm not that much of a clotpole like you." Though Arthur also had a point. How had Anhora known he would come? Probably because of the whole "Emrys" thing and it being his destiny to protect Arthur. Yeah, that would make more sense. "I have no clue how he knows me so well," he lied.

Merlin couldn't help but just let a slight glare creep onto his face when Arthur stated his job was otherwise. He quickly got rid of it though, as of course Arthur didn't know his biggest secret. He didn't know he had magic, nor about their destinies. So, who could blame him, really? Still, even if it wasn't his destiny, and he had somehow got to be Arthur's servant, he knew that he would still feel the same, that it was his job to protect Arthur. "It's my job to protect my friends, Arthur!" he argued. "I'm not getting in over my head! Do you know how I felt when I thought you just died you stinking prat?!" Awful, upset, torn, fearful, angry. About around those lines.

[WOOT! 200^th post in the same thread as my 100^th!!!!]

Merlin's calm composure broke almost as soon as he found his wrists bound together on the pole. He felt trapped -- for surely he was! -- and vulnerable. Which, to him, seemed worse than the lashings could be. That, too, though, changed when it actually started. Nothing could compare to the stinging whip cracking against his back, the glass bits latched onto the strands tearing into his skin.

He managed to hold out from making any noise for the first two, even though tears of pain began to well up in his clenched eyes. However, when the third lash struck, he found himself crying out in pain, his voice carrying through the courtyard. He hadn't had the years of training Arthur had had, he wasn't as physically strong, and nor did he have the mental strength to hold out against the whip. He wasn't able to hold back his screams, which felt as if they were torn from his throat.

By the time it got to the eighth lash, only six lashes ahead from the third, he had screamed so loud and too much that he found that his voice didn't even want to come out anymore. Already had this seemed too long, and the last lashes were no different. By the time the punishment was over, Merlin was actually glad for the binding hold his wrists to the pole. It helped him support himself from falling over.

Even when he was released, he could barely comprehend that the person now stroking his face and hair, holding him in their lap, was his mother. He just did as told, trying to lie as still as possible, not wanting to increase the pain coursing through his body. Short gasps came from him, as he wasn't able to muster enough breath to do any more than that. He also never realized when he was finally moved to Gaius' chambers, nor that Arthur entered shortly after.

He did, though, hear Arthur's voice. By this time, he had got the notion that it was his mother with him, though he hadn't been able to speak yet. When he heard Arthur, however, he found what little strength he could to lift his head and stare -- at what he hoped was Arthur and not a wall -- and managed to call out his name. "Arthur?" He was more concerned right now with his friend than about himself.

"And a clotpole," he added to Arthur's threatening words. Did he think that just because he told him to shut up that he would listen? Nope! It helped to ease the tension of silence, in his opinion, which was something he sincerely wished to avoid in all aspects. And so he would, and would continue to do just that, too -- ramble on and on. Even when Arthur informed him that he could still throw things at him, he didn't shut up. "An egotistical clotpole."

Truth be told, though, he didn't want anything thrown at him. It was dark and hard to see! And he was on a horse, how would he dodge on a horse? But, didn't matter to him, really. He would continue to ramble on however much he pleased until he had to stop.

And of course Arthur was going to make a comment about his "I'll make you" statement. And of course it would amuse him. "Oh, you'd be surprised what I can do to make you eat." Even as he spoke he edged his horse closer. "I could always attack you while you weren't suspecting it," the horse came nearer, "or shove food down your throat," even closer, now right beside the Prince's, "or both." The last words came out casually, as if they were nothing, and letting go of his horse's reins, he used his hands to try and grab onto Arthur, attempting to shove his remaining bread into his mouth.