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Yassia’s eyes grew wider with every finger Caitrin counted off and provided with a name. So many brothers and sisters! Twins even! And Caitrin to be the youngest of them all! That was such a lovely image to behold, and it also explained a lot of Caitrin’s behavior in Yassia’s eyes. She might not have personal experience with it, but she had heard many times that the youngest child in a large family usually was particularly wild, simply because it was necessary for them to speak up to even be heard and they’ve been towed along with the larger group from the day they were born, girls and boys alike. Yes, it explained a great deal, and yet Yassia couldn’t help the little sting of jealousy that mixed with her amusement and understanding. She had lost two brothers, one with fourteen and the last just months ago, by her own fault. Now she was completely on her own. But then, come to think of it, so was Caitrin! Where were her siblings?
”So they are back in Mercia?” she asked softly, smiling. “Do you miss them?” She herself missed Mircea the most, there was no day she didn’t think of him and blamed herself for his untimely death. Ramon had been a part of her childhood and youth and she had loved him dearly, but she had learned to live without him.

She cocked her head in interest when Caitrin said she knew a man named Oliver, but she never thought it anything but a coincidence. There couldn’t be just one man in the world with this beautiful name, even though it would have been highly deserved. He was unique, a rare gem, and so his name should only belong to him. However ridiculous and childish that may sound. And she couldn’t allow herself to take this any further anyway. Her body might ache everytime she thought of the kisses they shared, but she had allowed her heart to rule her mind for one night, and it had given her even more pain. There was nothing that could come out of it, and even if she didn’t regret her actions, she could not help but think what she would be like if she had never met him. If she would feel any less sad whenever the topic was brought up.
”What good would come of it, if I saw him again?”, she sighed, shaking her head sadly. “He’s but a huntsman and I am to be queen and need to find a husband that can aid me in the struggle against my uncle. Feelings and wishes will have no say in this, it can’t be.”

It felt incredibly good to have Caitrin’s hand squeeze her back. It might be a minor thing, but Yassia knew that an understanding had been formed. They had been through similar things and instead of turning away, it had made them grow closer together. They were IN this together, and they could work this OUT together. From that moment on, Yassia was sure she had found a true friend, however woeful the cause, and it made her heart swell with happiness.
”Thank YOU for listening to me… about everything. It’s been a lifetime since I last… could talk about anything with anybody really. I’m used to fare on my own, I didn’t even know how good it feels to HAVE someone to share a burden with.”
Most of the burden would always remain her own to bear, but now that didn’t seem so hard anymore. Yassia dearly hoped there would be more occasions when she could talk to Caitrin – and have fun with each other!

Speaking of fun: a wide grin appeared on Yassia’s face as she heard her friend’s suggestion. “Dancing?!” she exclaimed happily. “I love dancing like nothing else in the world! Well, maybe apart from healing, and singing sometimes. But… oh, it would be wonderful if we could!”
Her eyes gleaming, she took a little of the main course and closed her eyes in a relishing gesture. “On a side note: this is delicious! My compliments to your cook indeed!”

Another more or less sleepness night. Another night where she had fought with the demons that tried to lure her astray, that tore at her heart and whispered to her that she had lost. That the stars were no longer shining down upon her, that she was forevermore without their guidance. And yet another night of fighting a hopeless war against the tears that always came when her mind conjured a very distinctive, beautiful face, distorted into a mask of contempt and anger, its mouth speaking the vilest words to insult her.
Yassia was sure of it now, she had reached the bottom line. There could be nothing worse to come. Not one of her hopeless and dangerous encounters throughout her journey had ever seemed quite as dark. She had always felt the strength inside her to go on, that spark that could errupt into a wild flame, fuelling her will. She had been the ‘invictus’, bending but not breaking under the bludgeonings of chance. Not anymore. This had been one blow too many, and aimed straight at her heart.

But she could not let the world see this. For everyone, and especially for him, this had to remain her secret. She would undisclose her heart and smile through the pain. And if Oliver was not willing to talk it through, to at least reach a base of mutual understanding and truce, then she would not be the one running after him. Without even wanting it, she had been roaming around Camelot all day, trying to catch Oliver alone, putting the promise she had given to Cait into action. Only to find out that once again Oliver had taken the easy way out and was away on a hunting trip for the whole day. Well, he surely wanted to avoid her, didn’t he. After all, who wanted to be seen with a harlot and a heartless player? She was a disgrace to her royal status, was she not?
So, it was not her fault if they still were like cat and dog and not likely to ever exchange reasonable words again. It would not be her fault, if the journey to Mercia would be the living hell for them both…

That brought another unpleasant thought to her mind, which would normally have filled her with joy: The journey. She needed to get ready! All the little things she possessed had already been packed up yesterday, and now it was just a matter of getting dressed and ready to move down into the courtyard where Caitrin and Griff were sure to be waiting.
Gladly the maidservant she had been given was a girl that did not ask many questions, even though she must see the dark shades and red rimming of Yassia’s eyes. She even helped her mistress applying a tincture made of elderflowers to the bags under her eyes. That, Yassia knew, would ease the swelling and cool down the skin. Normally she used that tincture rarely, just for vanity, but now she really needed it. Her appearance most likely would still tell tales to an observant eye.

When she had finished getting ready, Yassia dismissed the servant and sat back down on her bed, not finding the strength to go down yet. She would want a few more moments of peace… or whatever this solitary state was. Apparently having too much time to think did not help either. Had anyone ever felt so torn? Yassia had a hard time imagining that, it was slowly driving her insane, this impossible situation! And slowly, beside all the effort she had made, tears started to trickle down her face again…
Just then she heard a knock on the door which made her jump slightly. Who would be coming?! She was not ready yet! She could not face anyone like this, in tears, cheeks probably red again from the slight salty acid of her tears!
”Who is it?!” she called out warily, wiping her cheeks frantically with both hands.

“Well, you are not in Ailantha! It must have been really dull in your kingdom that you had to cross the seas to play your games in our lands?”

How could he still convince himself she was playing games?! What else could SHE do than hurling the truth at his face over and over again?! Someone somewhen had said that there was no more powerful a force than the truth. Well, whoever had thought up this phrase had apparently never crossed paths with Prince Oliver de Mercia! Even the truth could not best him, he was as stubborn as a mule and as firmly set in his opinion as a mountain! Only a miracle could make him believe her, and frankly, Yassia had no patience to wait for that. If he did not want to believe her, fine, his loss! She would simply refuse to believe every word he said as well, simple.
“This is NOT a game for me and it never has been!” she snapped, practically throwing icicles at him with her eyes. “I would have been so much happier if I could have stayed in Ailantha, could have lived my life without having to worry about a power-hungry uncle and his sleazebag of a son who was practically itching to drag me off to the bridal bed.” She huffed. “I think we BOTH would have been better off. Blame my father for dying, blame my brother for being killed when I was fourteen, but don’t. blame. me!”

She was panting heavily with the agitation now, partly glad he had not taken her up on her obvious treasonous talk, partly livid that he once again had managed to insult her, call her a player and whatnot without giving her the slightest chance to vindicate herself. Who did he think he was, really?! Had she possessed any power apart from that she had as a private person, oh she would have made him shut up long since! In Ailantha no one would even dream of talking to the future queen like that, but sadly she was not on her own territory. As wasn’t he, so she could hurl back at him all she wanted without having to fear to commit High Treason. And she would not spare him ONE bit! He had brought this on himself!

The minute the shining blade vanished from her fingers, Yassia felt like her knees would not bear her any longer. What had she done?! The split seconds where she had to helplessly watch the knife forming a deadly arch through the air, aiming straight at Oliver felt like the worst seconds of her entire life. She had not wanted to kill him… no, of course not! Even though a large part of her mind was still raging, she prayed he would be swift enough to dodge the flying blade.
But Oliver, the trained fighter and huntsman he was, of course managed to avoid the knife, and the shock so evidently planted on his face, was almost enough reconciliation for Yassia. Only almost, however. The rage returned with full force as he found his voice again.
For a moment they were so close that if Yassia had wanted, she could have reached out and touched him. Only that nothing was further from her mind right now; if she felt the desire to touch him, then only to hurt him!

”You want me out of your way, Yassia? Well, take out your knife again! And this time, make sure it finds its mark.”
A moment ago, the thought of him dying by her hand had been impossible to bear, horrible beyond belief, but now she wasn’t so sure of that anymore. She was trembling with surpressed rage all over, and if she had had another weapon on her, she would not hesitated to stab him right here and there. It was his luck the knife in the tree trunk was still a little out of reach, even if he tempted her to take it and finish this once and for all.
But slowly, Yassia felt something else crowd out the livid anger: hollowness, emptiness. This was what they had come down to. Both had ruined it forever. The thought made her want to die on the spot, but before the anger could leave her, Yassia reared up one last time, contempt and even hatred clear in her voice.

”I have a right mind to kill you now, oathbreaker!” she hurled at him. “Do you remember the oath you once swore to me? To which I bore witness?” Even though it was a year back, Yassia still knew much of his words by heart, and so she cited angrily: “’I, Oliver Leofric, swore to be more responsible in my ways, in every word I say and in every action I take…’ You remember?! Now do you think THAT is responsible? Everything you said to me?! Everything you DID to me?! Rot in the lowest parts of hell, Oliver de Mercia, I am through with you once and for all!”
Brusquely she turned so he would not see the tears that had started to brim in her eyes and then, without even caring to gather her knife from the trunk, stormed off back towards the castle.

Oh she had worked herself into quite the predicament alright! That was what happened if you let go of your manner codes and principles quite so readily, you ended up in a quagmire of contradictions of all kind, and if you didn’t watch out you would get pulled under. Yassia might have been a little too carefree tonight, with having finally reached her destination, but she was also a healer born and bred. Endangering the life of innocent men for nothing but a little fun and games went against everything she stood for. Then again… if this was going to be put into action, it was her holding the keys was it not? And just with his, of course merely hypothetical, question, he had opened it up for her.
“Yes, indeed”, she replied with a grin that bordered on mischievous, “if we keep this purely hypothetical, I could tell you that I have a decent amount of wolfsbane with me, as it is also a good medicine. Of course I would never dream of giving it to you…”

When Yassia had called her kingdom insignificant, she had done it out of pure instinct. She was very much proud of the kingdom she wanted to rule, but she had to be careful not to show it too much. If someone found out about her true identity and considered Ailantha to be of some political significance, her path would be set: She could always be taken hostage and then her flight would be at an end. If her uncle got her in his grasp before she had even had the chance to plead for help in Camelot, there would be no second try. He would force her to do his bidding, marry his son or step down from her birth right. She could not have that, not when she was so close to finally putting everything into order!
“Well, it’s small”, she replied with a fond smile. “Situated on the high planes and valleys of a large mountain mass, and we don’t take part in the big continental power plays. So, judged from an outside view it would seem insignificant indeed, though I am of course proud of its beauty and peaceful state.” And she strived to keep it that way. Peaceful and beautiful.

Yassia did not really want to delve deep into some of her passing experiences`, so she would keep it vague anyway. Some things were just too personal to be told to a mere stranger, however nice he was. In the end, she decided to keep it joking for the most part, as there were surely a few amusing scenes to remember.
“Well, telling you to stay away from the Forest of Balor will probably only resulting into you going there just on that account, but be warned. Cockatrices are not the only nasty surprises you may stumble on…” she leaned forward as if she was about to tell him a grave secret, but a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “There are also very trigger-happy huntsmen about, who shoot on everything moving.” Subconsciously her hand had moved up to rub her left shoulder. The wound had healed perfectly well thanks to Oliver’s good care, but the scar was still itching from time to time.

The conclusion Celyn jumped to was an obvious one, but of course it was still wrong. Could she dare to tell him the truth? Well, maybe partially the truth, because if there was no way of circumventing a statement, Yassia still hated to lie, even if she knew she was quite good at it. And the way he had voiced his question made it almost impossible not to tell the truth if she didn’t want to lie flat out and fabricate a story. So she took another sip to buy time and then decided to take the risk.
“Tell you what, now that’s where you’re wrong. I haven’t seen him in all my life, and I daresay he doesn’t even know I exist. I hope the knowledge I bring with me will be enough to convince him I am not a fraud.”

Yes, there was no denying it, Griff Aubert was more than just a little drunk. He hardly could keep himself upright, and however funny that may be to watch, Yassia already had had a run in with a drunk man today and she had no desire to renew that episode.
Sweet stars, why did all drunk men have no control over her basest instincts anymore? Griff’s flirting might have been subtler than the rude comments Oliver had given her today, but the bottom line stayed the same: Drunk men thought they could say and do everything to women, mainly because they did not have enough soberness in them to think through what they said, but sometimes that also showed their true nature, right? What was the saying? In wine lies truth. And as much alcohol as Griff must have had, he probably was a wandering oracle right now.

Exchanging a half amused, half annoyed glance with Caitrin, Yassia was prepared to watch the rather funny scene unfold, though already feeling a little like she was prying on a private scene. As long as Caitrin had been alone, she had been visiting her friend only and it had been fine. Now she was witnessing a scene that was not meant for her eyes and ears, at least not completely. Maybe she should excuse herself soon? She had a ton to think on after all, and frankly, she did certainly mind being in the company of another drunkard. Usually she liked Griff and even when so far gone he was rather funny than anything, but… still…

She had just come to that decision, when Griff clumsily used her as some sort of stabilizer. Yassia had not expected his full weight to practically pounce down on her, so she stumbled backwards, extending her right hand to steady herself against him.
”Griff!” she protested sharply. “Yes, it’s me, Yass, and you better use your fiancé to lean on, alright?”
Gladly he had only grasped her shoulder, but even that was unseemly enough. “Goodness, how many drinks DID you have?”
How funny indeed, if you thought about it, the different details both women were interested in. Caitrin asked about the flirts and Yassia about the drinks… well, the reason for that was obvious. Not so far from jealousy either, are we, Cait? Yassia thought with a little grin.

Yassia’s eyes gleamed up in interest as she heard Caitrin talk about a ‘full house’ she had had in former times. Did that indicate she had had many siblings and other relatives? Yassia’s own past had been affected by the sudden loss of her only brother Raoul, marking the end of her innocent childhood rather brutally. She had never wanted for company, but the royal court in Taykhe, the capital of Ailantha, had been terribly fixed on manners and proper behaviour. It had not been a place to fill with the noise of children playing and running around. Only outside the city on the vast plains or the large forest, had she experienced this kind of freedom. She had also not found anything wrong with how she lived, but it was always interesting to hear of other concepts as well.
”So you have siblings? Or just a large family in general?” The relationship to her uncle and cousin had never been the best, and the other half of her family – her uncle Kaye being the only one – had been here in Albion. Yassia had never known what is was like to live in a large family.

Caitrin’s words made her stomach flutter and she cocked her head, trying to think about it reasonably. “A price worth paying?” she mused, a fine smile playing around her lips. “That is an interesting question to ask. Would I risk being nearly eaten by a cockatrice and shot by a huntsman just to see him again?” The question was a rhetorical one. “Yes, I think I would. And his name was Oliver.” Just speaking his name brought a real flood of memories back to the forefront of her mind, memories she usually only allowed when night had fallen and she lay in her bed, trying to keep the demons away that tore at her heart and brought her worst fears to life. Thinking of her lovely frog prince had eased many a nightmare away already. But in broad daylight? What would dreaming be of any use?

The new tales of horror about Vortigern made Yassia shift in her seat uneasily. She had been born and raised not to talk about certain things, they were unseemly, taboo so to say, and Caitrin and her had been toeing the line already. Apparently, her friend had to fight the same demons altogether, which made the princess’ stomach cramp in nausea. Just to THINK… no, she could not venture futher on this path! It was high time they changed subjects, before one of them broke down!
Impulsively, Yassia reached out a hand to grasp Caitrin’s and squeezed it. “Let’s not grace him any more with our attention! He would only like that we still haven’t gotten over him.” Her voice was firm, set to bring this horrible subject to a conclusion. “He’s not worth our tears and he’s not worth our fear. He’ll get what’s coming to him when the time is right, and until then, we should not worry about him anymore. Agreed?”

Of course this would only work with Caitrin’s consent, and she hoped she had not hurt her friend’s feelings now with wanting to bring this to an end. The evening had started out so promising, she would not let it get ruined by an ugly shadow of the past.

Oh wasn’t he a master of words?! If Yassia hadn’t been so angry, she would have nearly admired him for it. In a way, though he probably never knew it, he was every bit the courtier, knowing how to speak innocent words with the height of malice, so that no one could nail you down for what you actually said. Tones of voices didn’t count as excuses, you could have ‘misinterpreted’ after all. And yet of course Yassia knew she was not misinterpreting at all. There was so much hatred and contempt in his voice she would have been deaf to ignore it. And it made her heart ache and her whole body wanting to curl up into a ball. Why could he get to her like that, why could he bring her so much misery! That wasn’t right! Even Vortigern with his vile comments had not affected her this much… because she had not been expecting anything else of him!

But she could not allow herself to show how much his words pained her. Carefully she brought up the walls around her heart again she had let crack the minute she saw him. Brick by brick was replaced to shield herself against his attack. And the remaining ones she used to fire back.
”Keep insulting me like that and I will not be the only one that is hurt”, she affirmed his scornful remark with an icy glare. She might not have any authority on this big island, but that did not mean she would let anything happen to her without repercussions. If she could not get to him as princess, she would avenge her pain as a mere woman. That was just as well.

How could they have come down to this? What had happened inside this year to turn almost lovers into deadly enemies? However angry Yassia was,she couldn’t help but think what of it had been her fault. What would have happened had she not confronted Oliver – not even knowing it was him – in that corner? If she had just turned and walked away? Maybe then they would have met out of chance at the banquet and their mutual shock would have not been so much laden with animosity already? Maybe the joy of the reunion would have been enough to crowd out the slight feeling of betrayal?
But then, what’s done was done… There was no way back now and Yassia was by no means willing to shoulder the whole blame!

Yassia bit her lip hard not to shout anything back at his ridiculous mentioning of the guillotine. What did he depict her as? The tyrant that sentenced people to death over inanities?!
”Don’t afflict your barbaric standards on my kingdom”, she hurled at him, though her voice was not loud, just cracking like a whip. “In Ailantha no one gets drowned or burnt because he has a power others are afraid of!” This was the first time she openly showed her contempt for King Uther’s reign and even when the words left her mouth, she knew she had made a fatal mistake. If anyone heard this, she could be arrested for treason. And in the state Oliver was in right now, Yassia did not even trust him to not turn her in.

But every streak of fear that might have been there was completely crowded out by the consternation she felt at the gush of words coming out of Oliver’s mouth. It was not only the words themselves that felt like the impact of a bludgeon or a whip hitting her trembling body, it was also the tone he used.
…a two-faced harlot!
CRACK!
a liar who preys on the weaknesses of men…
CRACK!
A heartless player…
CRACK!
Yassia staggered backwards, her eyes wide in shock, her lips formed into a silent “…no…” How could he think of her like that? What had she ever done to deserve this?

But the worst was yet to come, and slowly ire took over where the shock had left her. She and making eyes at Edmund?! She and… no! It was unthinkable! And yet he voiced the last, impossible words that made her whole body go rigid. Whatever happened between them in the future, she swore to herself she would never, never EVER forgive him these words! Not in a thousand years!
The hot ire turned deadly cold and without even much thinking about it, like in trance, Yassia’s hand felt for one of her throwing knives she had still stuck in her left boot for whatever reason. It might look like her knees could not bear her weight for a second and even though that might partly be true, she rose to her feet with the swiftness of a cat of prey, not even taking much aim as she took the blade between two fingers and hurled it at Oliver.

No coherent thought possessed her mind at this moment but one: making him pay for what he had said. Hurting him as much as he had hurt her, killing him if she must. No one spoke to her like that and got away with it, not because she was a princess, but because she was a woman with pride.

Celyn ap Llelewyn… that name didn’t mean anything to Yassia, but she had expected nothing less. Why would the name of some Albion man of importance ring any bells? The only two names she knew were those of her uncle Kaye and Camelot’s king Uther Pendragon. He had been very young still when Yassia’s mother had been abducted from her homeland, that was more than just twenty years back. Anything could have changed, but from the rumors Yassia had heard it was at least the same king. Tomorrow she would see if her uncle was still alive as well. That was all nothing she should burden her mind with now, she decided, for now she had to deal with this young gentleman. She laughed at his almost complaint about his father, and she knew how that felt. Ever since what had been happening to her mother and brother, Yassia had not been without a near army of guards watching her every step, by orders from her overly concerned father.
“I feel your pain… and who knows how well they will respond to the same trick next time? As for my own name: I am called Yassia.” She left it at that, didn’t want to add her royal surname and title just yet. For this night, she could say goodbye to her nomad state and still be nothing but Yassia with no strings attached.

With a thankful smile she registered his willingness to let matters be at this point. For all she knew, he could have been joking anyway. Celyn really seemed alright enough, and so she raised her cup in a mock toast.
“Then let’s drink to amiable company and your honorable intentions. These are truly rarely to be found both in one person, so they ought to be justly celebrated.”
She then cocked her head and examined him as courteously as she could, mostly by quick glances under half lowered eyelids, a trick every woman growing up at a royal court learned soon enough. Women are to be seen, not heard, and yet they have to be full aware of their surroundings.

“May I ask what brings you to Camelot then?” Yassia had to admit that being on the road for so long had heightened her sense of curiosity considerably. The farther she had been from her homeland the more open she had become to other people’s stories. They could truly be intriguing sometimes.

How glorious he looked even in anger! However hard Yassia tried to get this thought out of her mind, it stuck there like a thistle to clothes. Thistle… another memory she didn’t want to dwell upon too long. Let me be the olive tree to your thistle… well, now she would be the thistle to his conscience, forever pricking, forever stinging until he finally admitted her presence and made his peace with it. Peace… was that really all they had come down to? Was peace all she could hope for, a fragile truce for all it was worth? She had hoped for so much more, but then when had her hopes ever been considered by the stars? She had hoped for her father to survive, she had hoped to sway the crown council to let go of that stupid tradition and let her be queen without marrying for now. But no, her hopes were nothing like dust in the wind, and that would never change.

But before self-pity could swallow her up once more, he spoke and anger crowded out all other feelings, tender or not. The nerve of it all! Was he now thinking he could order her around?! Oh, she would show him!
“Oh, and just because you ‘make something clear’, does that mean I have to cower and obey?” she snapped, her voice nearly acid. “YOU are the one playing a game here, Oliver and you don’t even have the decency to tell me the rules. You accuse me of the vilest things and before I get even half the chance to vindicate or even just explain myself, you run off! Does THAT sound fair to your own ears?”

She reached up to run a hand through her hair, a clear sign of her inward confusion, but just in time she remembered her complexe hairdo did not allow such a gesture and let the hand fall to her side again with an annoyed grunt. Just perfect… Why did this all have to be so difficult? The day had not started promising but its end was on a clear way to become a complete disaster! Yassia just didn’t know how to deal with this situation. What had she done wrong? How on earth could she clear this up? Oliver simply had to see sense, and if there was any strength left in her limbs and breath in her lungs, she would MAKE him see! She was Yassia Dyfrène de Ailantha, and no one, not even a man equal in rank could dare to treat her as such!

Looking at him made this all so much harder, but Yassia knew she only had to fish for the unpleasant image of him and Lady Electra in her mind to keep her anger at a simmering state.
“So now”, she challenged him, her eyes flashing, “tell me once again to my face what you accuse me of and THEN give me at least the inkling of a chance to prove you wrong!”