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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jun 29, 2010 12:12:50 GMT -5
Arthur was not going to blame Gwen for any of this. He did not like the thought of her blaming herself either. "No matter what, we would not have been prepared for the attack. It is my job to protect Camelot, to protect the people, to protect Morgana, and I failed in every attempt." There was no words that would convince him otherwise, because he could clearly see what had happened to the kingdom . . . it was too obvious to deny. "Do not blame yourself," he repeated. "Nothing could have prepared us for what had happened, even if you have told me about Morgana."
He looked at her carefully when she assured him she was fine. "Are you sure?" He wondered if there was in fact some horrible aftermath of the curse. If everyone was still extremely lethargic or if they were perfectly normal once again. Her next question did not alleviate any of his worry for her, but it brought up a whole new set of concerns. He remained silent for a bit, knowing she was right, knowing that she had a right to fear over his actions. "I too share your fear." Never would he admit that to another person. But he had seen his father where magic was concerned. He had zero tolerance for it. He became irrational. He was trying to phrase his next words carefully, without having to criticize his father . . . even though he knew that Camelot was going to be torn apart looking for Morgana and anyone associated with Morgause's plans.
"He will not let this go. I am . . . not sure how to stop him from what lengths I'm afraid he'll go to find Morgana." He paused, just imagining how many people he was going to execute. "Which is why I must find her, before things get too far out of hand."
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 29, 2010 13:02:09 GMT -5
"You have failed no one!" Guinevère told him, almost sounding angry at his words, "Camelot still stands because of you. Your father, and my self and all the people are alive in it because of you. And not just from this one time, but from all the others someone has tried to attack the city. Be it from a troll, or assassins, or creatures, or magic spells you --and often you alone-- fight them back, and prove to them Camelot is stronger then they are. You are failing no one. Especially me."
"I hope you find her soon, and I know you will. Things might seem dark now but they can not get any worse. We will pick our selves up and with your help move past this. We might fear your father actions, but the people know you will always do your best to protect them from him." Guinevère could not wait for the day Arthur was King. Camelot would be in better hands. She often wished, Uther would step down so Arthur could step up with out the loss of his father.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jun 29, 2010 15:12:19 GMT -5
He could tell the sudden change in her tone. While he appreciated his words, they did not convince him otherwise. He did not like arguing with her either. He was not one to go around and vocalize his emotions of insecurity and failure . . . he did not want others to feel sorry for him. He was a Prince. He should be able to handle the pressures of it much better than he was doing. Handling the pressures, and handling his duties . . . he failed in both. "I know you say that with sincerity for you believe it, but I can not." He had indeed failed her along with anyone else. "I did not protect the people as well as I should have . . . I did not even protect you well enough."
Anything could have happened to her. If the knights had come any further . . . what would they have done if they saw so many defenseless people. Arthur did not want to dare think about it. Morgana. Right now, that was where majority of his guilt lay. "I appreciate your faith in me, your faith in Camelot, but . . . I fear that soon, the people will not stand for the violence being inflicted on them for much longer." His people had suffered so much. How could they continue to have faith in their future king, when he could not even protect them from beasts, trolls, and spells.
"They may lose faith. And with what my father is going to do in order to find Morgana . . . there is only so much I can do to stop him." He slightly shook his head, knowing it was only a matter of time before Uther ripped apart every inch of land. He snapped out of his thoughts. "Will you . . . can you continue to stay in the castle until she returns?" Arthur's eyes were pleading. He was not sure if she intended to continue work here in Morgana's absence, or if she preferred to be at home. All he knew was that he wanted her to stay. So that he could see her as often as possible, for a great deal of comfort, relief, and solace rested in seeing her as much as he could.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 30, 2010 15:11:52 GMT -5
Guinevère reached up to place a palm on each cheek of his face. "Arthur, You have not failed me. Ever. I am alive because of you. Over and over again, I am alive because of you. Because of the time a prince took to teach a servant girl how to fight with a stick, I am alive. Because of your actions when one beats or creature attacked the city, I am alive. Because you defied your father and came to save me when I was taken in Morgana's stead, I am alive. Morgana, Merlin the towns people, even the King can tell more then a few stories that end in the same lines. I am am live because Arthur's actions saved me."
"Never doubt in your self, and in your people's believe in you or they have won. The ones who would use magic to bring down the city will have won if you do so. I have not lost faith or hope in you, please, I beg of you to not do so." As for his other request, Guinevère leaned up slowly and let her lips touch his in a soft and brief moment, before pulling back, "I will be were ever you need me to be Arthur. I will help out the other servants as an excuse to say near." She tired to joke with him, "Merlin seems to get allot of chores, maybe I should help him out."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jun 30, 2010 20:30:03 GMT -5
Arthur wanted to believe it. He desperately wanted to, but his insecurities ran far too deep. Yet, her words were the most comforting ones he has ever heard. She was perhaps the only one who could appease even the slightest bit of guilt he carried. When she embraced him in an intimate moment, even though it was brief, he did feel more hope, and more strength then ever before. She was indeed the only one who could give that to him. She was the only one who could encourage him without placing pressure on him. He just stayed silent for a few moments, caught in this moment, and the fear of ones like it never occurring again, forced him to try to prolong this one for as long as time permitted. He kept the distance between them very close.
"I will never let anything happen to you. Not ever again." That was all he could say in the place of saying that each time something happened to her, it meant that he failed her. But he was trying to avoid using the word 'failed'. She had convinced him as much as she could, and it did give him some peace, however little, it still meant the world to him for with this peace, came hope and with her faith, came determination. "The day will come when everyone will be at peace; when everyone will be happy." He looked at her with a distinct look, as his words were insinuating something that he hoped she understood. The day would come when everyone would be happy . . . when the two of them would be happy, together. If she had so much faith in him for this, then he would carry faith that it was possible for them to freely be with each other. He, as before, would never accept that it was a lost cause.
And then a wave of relief came over him once again when she agreed to stay in the castle, and use excuses to be able to do so. He could provide her with whatever reason he could if his father was to ask. "Don't help him; I can't bare the thought of you being the one to muck out my stables," he said, trying to lighten the mood as well, though his tone was not as jovial as it should be when making a joke.
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Post by Guinevère on Jun 30, 2010 20:40:10 GMT -5
Guinevère gave a soft laugh and leaned forward enough so her forehead rested on his, "Oh poor Merlin. You give him such a hard time and he loves for you it anyway. No, I do not help in the tables, but I do end up washing your . . . . underthings." She said to keep the joke going and as a subtle reminder that she was still just his servant here. She could be no more while Uther held this control over them. She wondered about her growing feelings. A few weeks ago, right after Lady Vivianne, she would have said she could spent her time waiting for him to brave his father and her to become unafriad. Now she felt she had to wait. She wanted to wait but wondered if it was fair to him. She could ruin everything.
"Arthur, please believe me when I say that you have never failed me. Never let me down. Never allowed harm to come to me. Even if you doubt my words for the rest of kingdom, and if you doubt them when I speak if your father and Morgana. Do not doubt them when I speak of me. I can not bare you doing so. Thinking you have ever not been what I needed you to be. I could not love another as I do you. Believe that."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 3, 2010 22:59:18 GMT -5
He knew she was a servant, but for some reason, hearing about her washing for him and what not . . . he just wanted something so much better for her rather than cleaning up after him and washing his . . . under things, which was indeed a little embarrassing. "That should be Merlin's job. All the unpleasant tasks should be left for him." He was of course saying it in a kidding way . . . well, sort of. He knew he was his servant but it was just a bit strange now that he had such close relationships with them. Him, of all people.
She continued to reassure him that he had not failed her. He did not want to act like a whiny child by saying the same thing and expecting her to keep comforting him. He also could not help but wonder . . . she said that she could not love another than him . . . the thought of Lancelot was not vacant from his mind. He wondered how different things would have been had he stayed. But he was not going to accuse her, because he believed her. She never lied to him and she was far too honest a person for him to doubt her words. "Thank you. You are one person that I can not stand failing . . . the thought alone, terrifies me." And Arthur Pendragon did not appear to fear anything, nor ever admitted to such fears. "When you were asleep like the others, I was so afraid you would not wake up. And I, really don't know what I would do if something ever happened to you." He knew he was probably just repeating himself, but he could not stress enough just how important she was to him. It was a difficult thing to vocalize such strong feelings.
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 5, 2010 23:42:07 GMT -5
"I am not going to stop doing my job, simply because you are suddenly aware I am doing it, Arthur. I can not give everything to Merlin to do. He has to much on him as it is. Especially now. I will help him as I can, as he has always helped me when I needed it." Merlin was her dearest friend, and she did not want anything she said to cause him more work. She wondered why Arthur gave him such a hard time, but part of her knew the answer. It was the same reason he called her Guinevère and not Gwen.
"You have never failed me, and you should not live in fear of ever failing me. I never doubt in you. When there is an injustice, or an wrong who do I run to? Who dose Merlin turn to? The Prince, and not the king. You have earned the people's respect already." She told him, trying to give him enough encouragement that he would start to believe it. She did not like him doubting in himself. "Nothing happened to me. I am safe and sound. I should be the last person you worry for in this moment, Arthur, but . . . . I am glad to know you worry. Even if I wish you did not."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 25, 2010 21:05:45 GMT -5
He had earned their respect? Arthur had not felt like he had. He had done far too many stupid things, but then again, most people did not know about them. Even Guinevère did not know about everything he had done. One particular memory haunted him. "If you are glad to know that I worry, then you will be happy for the rest of your life, for I will never stop worrying." He could not help it. It was natural for him to be concerned for those he cared about . . . it was natural for any person to feel that way. "Guinevère, you speak of me so highly, yet even you can not justify every thing I have done, for I've had less than proud moments in my life . . . ones that had nearly cost the lives of people I love."
In this case, he was talking about his father. He had a strong, personal anger for Morgause for her manipulating him, and now his hatred for her was even stronger for taking Morgana. His voice had became sad as he thought about what he almost did, and he could not look at Gwen, so lowered his gaze to the ground, humiliated by . . . what he was about to tell her? Yes. What he was going to reveal to her. Would she think any differently about him when she knew what he had almost done? Would she still respect him? Still see him as a noble prince? He was not sure; but he felt like it was a risk worth taking.
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 25, 2010 21:47:40 GMT -5
Arthur was sitting in the chair and Guinevère had been kneeling at his feet so when he ducked his head she just slid a bit closer and between his knees slightly so she could still see his face. She gave him a smile she hoped would comfort and reassure him. "I doubt there is anything you could do that would make me be ashamed of you." She told him, "I know you. You are a good man, Arthur Pendragon. Do not let anything make you doubt that."
She wondered what was making him say such things. "What happened to make you say this?" She asked, "Surely it can not be as bad as you are making it. If you let me, I can share the burden. Help you see the good in whatever has made you doubt." She could do this for him, even if she could do nothing else.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 25, 2010 23:10:13 GMT -5
Arthur wanted to believe her reassuring words, but as usual, he could not. He wanted to share with her what had happened, for he felt the need to be completely open to her . . . she would be one of the very few people who knew about this, as he had swore never to mention it again. But, he had to. He had to tell Guinevère because even if he was not lying, he felt there would be an odd dishonesty about keeping this from her. "I will tell you, but not to burden you, or for you to offer justification and reasoning for what I had done. I know there is no way to absolve myself, and I am not expecting anyone to try, for I know that what I did was unacceptable."
He was going to have a hard time to look directly at her while admitting what happened, so he stood up and walked a few steps away from her, keeping himself at an angle, so that his body was only half facing her, though he mostly had his back towards her. "Do you recall what happened when Morgause challenged me to battle? She did not kill me, but said that I had to do what she wanted, regardless of what that was . . . and I had to honor that."
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 27, 2010 13:24:28 GMT -5
she wanted to say something about not wanting him to carry burdens alone but also did not want to fight over it. She could tell this was a big deal to him and she would respect that his story might be hard for him to tell. She placed on of her hands on his arm, in comfort. Wanting him to know she was here no matter what.
"Yes, I remember." Being worried when he left, and being glad Merlin was there to bring him home safely. She also recalled how he'd had come home and locked himself in the main hall with his father. No one knew what happened but everyone knew something did. Gossip filled the castle but no one could find anyone who knew what happened in the room.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 27, 2010 18:03:57 GMT -5
Arthur was going to have to phrase this carefully. The only ones who knew what had happened was his father, Merlin, Gaius and Sir Leon, who was probably the most confused out of them all. He did not feel the need to tell Gwen not to tell anyone; he trusted her completely. "My father forbade me to go and honor my promise, but I went anyway." As if locking him in his rooms would be able to stop him. While Arthur wished he had not gone, he wasn't sure if he regretted it. He would have been seen as a coward . . . then again, killing his father would have been far worse.
"It was there, that she created some sort of . . . illusion." It had felt so real. Even though Arthur had never met his mother, he had instantly recognized her. Everything had been familiar about her; her scent, her touch, her embrace, her voice. And yet, how could something so real, be so false? Magic. It was an evil tool and weapon used against them. Arthur tried not to allow his emotions to effect him when telling this story, though it was difficult to repeat. "Of my mother."
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 28, 2010 1:00:30 GMT -5
Guinevère was stilling very still but when he said 'of my mother' she grew stiller. She was shocked. how would someone even know to do that? Why were people doing things to hurt others? What reason could she had to do this?! "Of the queen?" She asked even knowing they were the same person. "W-why would she show you her?"
Guinevère knew this had to hurt him, it was something Guinevère and Arthur had in common. Their mothers died when they were born. For Arthur, it was different then her, but it was still a great loss on both of them. Wanting to comfort him she brushed the hair back from his face and watched him closely waiting for the rest of the story.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 28, 2010 10:13:09 GMT -5
Evil. Pure evil, that was why. Morgause's manipulative planned had nearly worked . . . had it not been for Merlin to have quickly talked some sense into Arthur. Things could have drastically changed that day. Arthur still thanked God that they had not. He did not directly answer her questions, for the answers would come soon enough. He looked at her for a brief moment, before averting his gaze back to the ground, trying to explain the rest of the story . . . for the next part, was the most difficult thing to repeat.
"She seemed so real. She looked real, and she told me things. Things that made me feel so angry; never have I felt that enraged in my entire life." He was trying to explain his emotional process, of why he had returned to Camelot so set on killing the king. He took another deep breath, knowing he had to explain the why. "She said that . . . " Arthur slightly straightened his head, trying to speak with less emotion and more . . . strength. He locked eyes with her, so that he would not all how feelings to cloud this story, even if it was far too personal. "She said that I was born of magic. That my father made a deal with the sorceress Nimueh because he was desperate for an heir, and the Lady Ygraine could not conceive." The thought alone, was revolting.
"She said that, in order to create a life, it cost a life. So she died after giving birth to me." As if Arthur had not blamed himself for her death before, he certainly had then because it was related to magic. If he didn't exist, then at least his mother could have been alive. So much for trying to maintain composure, for Arthur looked right back at the ground, feeling guilt even if it was something far beyond his control. "My father sacrificed her life for mine, that is what she told me."
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 28, 2010 14:18:08 GMT -5
Guinevère felt shock and anger. "Why would someone do such a thing? Something so cruel?" She asked feeling hurt for him. It was easy to see Guinevère did not believe it. She knew how the king felt about magic, why would he use it to get a son. Besides, the king had loved his wife, Guinevère knew that. Everyone had known it. It was after her loss that he became colder and then started a war on magic in a brutal way. As if lashing out for her loss, had he used magic then why be so against it?
Guinevère noticed he would not look at her and she put her hand under his chin and leaned forward. Her eyes were closed but she rested her face ageist his and rested her hands on his shoulders. She could not give him much, but this she could. Others could be a voice when he needed it, or a shield or knight, but she could be this. Whatever it was, she could be it for him. "I can not imagine the pain her words caused you."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 28, 2010 18:31:41 GMT -5
That is not the worst of it, he told her silently in his mind. It got worse. So much worse. Up to know, Arthur would take no blame for his actions . . . other than the fact that he should not have been so quick to believe it. There should have been room for doubt, especially considering Morgause was a dangerous stranger, not a trusted friend. He too closed his eyes, only for a few moments. He had to finish. He had to tell her the entire truth, not stop half way . . . even if it may change how she regarded him.
"When I returned to Camelot . . . I immediately went to my father to confront him about this." More like, yell at him for what he did to his mother . . . or what Arthur had thought he did to his mother. "After exchanging harsh words, I," This wasn't going to sound good at all. "I threw down my gauntlet."
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 28, 2010 21:00:30 GMT -5
Guinevère's eyes widened. "You . . . " She started to speak but could not. "You challenged your father to a duel?" She asked shocked and she leaned in a bit closer. "I know you did not kill him, for he is alive now but . . . What happened? What did you stop?" She wondered how Merlin had managed not to tell her this. He was not the type to tell everyone everything but they were good friends and something this big wasn't something she thought he would have kept.
Then again Merlin was nothing if not loyal and this wasn't his story to tell. He would not have told anothers secrets to anyone. Poor Arthur, and for once, Poor Uther. This woman had tricked and lied and hurt them both, bring up horrid memories to cause them both large amounts of pain. And not this horrid, horrid woman had Morgana! What lies would she fill Morgana with?
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jul 28, 2010 21:17:42 GMT -5
Arthur was ashamed. He let a woman get between his father and him; who shared a life long bond. Uther was the one who had raised him. Arthur would call no one else a father, and Uther no less than one. "He refused to fight me, but I was determined. I forced him to defend himself." Arthur was rather certain that the only reason he had the upper hand, and nearly killed his father was because he hesitated. Arthur was fueled on anger and rage, but the King had no intention of striking his son. Every move he made was only in defense, and Arthur knew that, and he had used it to his advantage.
"I beat him." Arthur did not say this in a proud manner. It was more filled with shame than anything else. "I had him under my blade, and . . . I was going to strike." Those strong emotions were still familiar in him. "That was when Merlin came in. And convinced me that it was all a trick to turn my father and I against each other. That Morgause lied and made me see and believe things that weren't true." How could he have been so easily fooled?! "If it weren't for Merlin, the King would have been dead at my hand."
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Post by Guinevère on Jul 29, 2010 20:11:34 GMT -5
Guinevère was shocked but knew if she showed it it would only add to the emotions behind his story. In order to hide her expression she leaned in and placed her lips over his, in comfort. she lingered a moment before pulling away. "Merlin always seems to be there to save the day." She said softly and then grew quite for a moment letting this all sink in. "I do not understand how people could do things like she has done you." She was angry for him but fighting not to let it show. He needed her calm right now, not wishing harm on someone. . . . or wondering what the woman could be doing to Morgana.
"I understand how this is not a fond memory, I am sorry you had deal with a woman such as her." She said, "Why would she do something so cruel and heartless? What could come of it?" Surely there were easier ways to kill a king. Less dramatic, yes but easier then challenging the prince and tricking him into trying to kill his father. Then Guinevère thought of something, 'I do not believe you could have gone though it. Actually have killed your father. Merlin's words would not have mattered if you truly believed it with all your heart. Somewhere in side you, you knew better." she said being hopeful again.
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