Tell Me It's A Lie

[pie]

After all of the events that had recently happened, Merlin wasn't sure of what to feel. Morgana was back, and at first he was afraid that she would tell Uther he poisoned her, and then he had believed she had forgiven him... And now it turned out that she was just lying, and she was really evil and was the traitor within Camelot. He didn't mind much her taking the credit for saving Camelot, but it was the why that did. She wanted Uther dead. She used to be one of the nicest people he knew, and now she was as cold as stone. Perhaps he shouldn't have poisoned her, he didn't want to, but he had to.

Walking through the castle, he headed towards Morgana's chambers. Gaius had tasked him with bringing Morgana her old sleeping medicine, just in case she needed it. Really, though, Merlin had wanted to come and have a talk with her, even though he knew that there was nothing he could say to change her mind. He just wished there was something... Something that he could say or do that would make her see that this didn't have to be the way it happened. But how would that come to be? What did he have to do to make her realize that? Was there anything?

"Morgana," he called softly, knocking on her chambers door. He half wished that she was in there, and half not. He wanted to see her, but he also didn't. They both knew that the other opposed each other's actions, Morgana and Morgause had even left him to die when he followed her. But could he blame her? He had done the same to her...


_{Place: Morgana's Chambers
Time: Morning
Timeline: Sometime after "The Tears of Uther Pendragon Part II".
Tagged: Morgana Le Fay
Notes: This is an AU thread}

[troy]

Morgana had been in her thoughts all day. It seemed that nothing had really been able to cure her growing loneliness of this place. She hated Uther Pendragon, he had been the worst thing in her life. Taken care of her as a child or not it mattered little to her. She would still hate him yet it wasn't Uther Pendragon on Morgana's mind at the moment. It was a different person whom she had once been quite fond of. That is until he had poisoned her. But then again, she knew he had done it for the right reasons, she was after all the key to breaking the curse that had been placed upon Camelot at the time and not even she had known that. She blamed Morgause for the hatred of her dear friend Merlin. But she hadn't been thinking that night she had led him to his death, but he didn't really die did her?

No, he had lived just as she had. So why did they still hate each other? She knew that answer yet she still didn't want to give voice to it. She knew very well that it was because Merlin opposed everything she and Morgause stood for. Somewhere deep inside Morgana something had been snapped and severed from her. That loving side of her had disappeared a year ago and she was sure that it would never return. Yet as soon as she had seen Merlin again those days of laughter had come rushing back to her. She had thought that she had burried those day long ago but it would seem that she still had some ways to go with it. She had to hide it from Morgause anytime she was around her sister and she knew quite well that she would never tell her that she indeed still felt somthing other than hate for Merlin. How could she hate someone who had always been there for her?

How could she hate someone who kept her secret a secret? Even before her near death experience she had confided in him, trusted him and laid everything before him. And then she had tried to lock everything away, lock it all away and tried to forget that they had been such good friends. She sighed deeply and rubbed her forehead and then closed the window to her room and sat down at her vanity and began to pull the pins from her hair. She didn't dare call for Gwen, she knew very well that she wanted to be alone.

Morgana's hair fell down her back in cascading curls of dark mahogany. The color rich and vibrant as ever as she looked at herself in the mirror and then sighed as she rubbed her head again and tried to will away the coming headache. It was then that she heard a voice that made her head shoot up. Her eyes widened and her heart lept into her throat at the familiar sound of Merlin's voice. She shivered lightly at what his voice did calling her name. She slowly composed herself for a minute before she finally called out, "Come in." Her voice was flat and devoid of emotion even as her heart pounded in her chest and she wished ever so much that she could drop the ruse and hug her friend once more. But she didn't dare act on her wants for he was her enemy. She was supposed to hate him. Yet love and hate rode a very fine line. And Morgana didn't know where that line was drawn.

[pie]

Merlin took a deep breath as she answered in her emotionless voice. How much she had changed... She used to greet him more warmly, there used to be joy, real joy, in that voice, not coldness. How much he missed that Morgana, even if she had still hated Uther and attempted his death several times, he had still cared deeply for her. With a pounding heart, Merlin pushed the door ajar and peered in before slipping into the room, watching her. He could hide his wary expression good enough, as he didn't want to appear suspicious of anything she might do, even though she probably knew he would be.

He shut the door behind him, and even in his silence, the door's click sounded loud in his ears. Even though he didn't like what she had become, he'd still continue to keep her secret unless it was vital to do otherwise. And who would believe him, a servant, over her, the King's ward, anyway? He had to pull out of his thoughts, because he didn't want to appear as if he had come here for absolutely no reason or to appear rude by staring. Looking away, he fumbled with his jacket pocket to pull out a small clear vial filled with liquid. He held it up to show her, and walked closer.

"Gaius wanted me to bring you this," he said in a normal tone. "It's the remedy he used to give you for your dreams before you... left. He thought you might like it, just in case." He fell silent, and continued to hold the vial out for her to take, once more staring at her with his blue eyes. He wished that he could pinch himself and wake up. Wake up from what had to be a long dream. That he would wake up from this nightmare he was walking in and instead be back with the happy Morgana, the Morgana he had enjoyed spending time with.

But this wasn't a nightmare, sadly. It was the truth, and he couldn't wake up from it. He'd have to live with a Morgana that had been corrupted by Morgause over the past year. If he hadn't poisoned her, would Morgause have taken her away? Would there have been a possibility that Morgana wouldn't be this way? She had helped Cenred's army get in, had created an army of skeletons to aid in the process, all bent on destroying Camelot under Uther's rule.

"I should go," he said, more to himself than to Morgana.

[troy]

Morgana felt something inside of her twist as soon as she saw Merlin's face and all at once Morgana saw her wonderful times with Merlin and she couldn't stop the smile that pulled at her lips as she looked at him. She didn't realize she was smiling at Merlin and she certainly would have hid the smile had she not been bombarded by the many wonderful flashes of memory that went threw her head of Merlin. It was a wonderful thing to see him again and she found her heart swell with something untold and different than hate that she didn't quite understand it. She couldn't stop herself, her body from moving of its own accord. She felt guilt for everything she was doing, she felt guilt for hurting Merlin and leaving him to die. She wanted to save him and herself. She wanted this to end, she wanted her friend back.

Morgana gracfully stood up from her seat at the vanity and looked only once at the vial that Merlin was holding out to her. She stood looking at him for a few moments that same smile on her face as she watched him carefully. She knew he was holding back from her, she knew he was trying to be nice to her. Yet what was there to be nice about? She had nearly killed him and he had every reason to hate her. She would have been surprised if he didn't hate her. A flash of pain and a deep sorrow filled Morgana's eyes as she looked at him. There was no longer the cold malice and illintent that she held for him any longer. It was only the deep sadness that threatened to consume her and drag her down into its deep chasm.

"Merlin.." She muttered as she stepped forward unbidden by anything, there was nothing hidden any longer as she slowly took the vial from his hand. She tried to stop herself but she couldn't seem to resist the temptation of him being so close to her. She quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and burried her face into his neck. "Im sorry.." She whispered softly as she squeezed her eyes shut. She would give herself this one moment. This one moment to remember that they where friends and that she truly cared for him. That she always wanted to be near him. So he could make her laugh, make her smile, and make her want to love him. Morgana knew that she would never be able to be as close to anyone as she was with Merlin. He knew everything. She trusted him with everything and he deserved this one moment where she could forget they where sworn enemies and that she was supposed to kill Uther.

In the end.. The boundry line between love and hate was too thin for Morgana Le Fay.

[pie]

Merlin didn't miss the smile that crossed Morgana's face. He eyed her with un-contained confusion. But her smile didn't hold any of that malice, and nor did her eyes. What was she playing? Did she want to trick him again like she did when she first returned, telling him she had forgiven him? No, he didn't want to be tricked like that again, only to find out that it was all a lie, it hurt enough the first time. But the second time? It would only hurt more. So why, then, did he find himself trying to hide a smile that wanted to come from looking at her own?

Then she stood up, and his heart began to beat quickly as she watched him. He glanced away, at the vial in his hand, and continued to awkwardly hold it out for her, bidding her to take it. How he wished that that smile was true, that the Morgana he stood before was the old Morgana, not the new, cold-hearted one. How he wished... that her words on the day she returned had been true. He just wanted his friend back, the one he could trust, the one who he had held her secret for, the one that he had spent his time with during his time in Camelot.

He looked back up at her, his own pain showing on his face. What was the point of hiding it? She had to know that it bothered him, that he still cared for her, that all of this was just too hard for him to handle. He had saved Camelot many times from it's enemies, but he had always had a soft spot for Morgana. When he had poisoned her, it had been so hard to watch her suffer. And to think that he would have let her die... He couldn't help but silently thank Morgause for coming, for being able to save Morgana from that pain. No, he couldn't blame her for leaving him to die, he had done it first.

That was when she spoke his name, drawing him from his thoughts. He looked at her with sad eyes, revealing all those emotions on his face as she took the vial from his hand. And then she wrapped her arms around him and... apologized? Was she telling the truth? Or was she lying again, to try and trick him into believing that she really was sorry? Still, he found his arms coming up to wrap around her, holding her tight. He couldn't help but believe her, he wanted to believe her. He still cared for her. "Morgana... why?" he asked, keeping his voice low and gentle.

[troy]

Morgana held tight never wanting to let go. She wished that she could pause time for this moment in time, she wished she could stay in this moment in time with Merlin. She wished so desperatly that things could be normal again, that she could just be that woman who had first met Merlin and had found a true friend. Someone to trust and confide in. Someone she could love. Morgana admited it to herself, at least for this moment in time she would love Merlin. She wouldn't let anything past tonight come in the way, but for this night she would allow herself the fantasy to dream and to hope. She would dream of a future where she could be with Merlin, and to be able to smile and laugh with him. To be able to hold him as she was now. She didn't want to go to sleep, for when she awoke she knew it would all be over.

She smiled softly when she felt his arms around her, and she knew that he was confused but she also knew that he wanted her back just as she wanted to be with him. Morgana held tight to him and sighed softly against his neck. She started to relax slowly into his arms and knew that this was where she wanted to be, no matter what happened she knew this was what her heart truly desired. If Arthur could love Gwen, then she had every right to love Merlin in the end. She knew that things could never be between them, but for now she wanted to cease thinking with her mind and think with her heart. Her heart ached because it was at war with her mind. Her soul was linked with Merlin, their destiny's entwined with one another and she knew that she would have it no other way. Except for one.. She wished that they where not enemy's, that in the morning she would not have to put the mask back on.

The gentleness of his voice caused her to shiver. She slowly pulled away so she could look up into his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that she knew she could stare into forever and never feel lost. She smiled softly and then placed her finger tips to his cheek. "Will you say my name again?" She asked softly as she caressed his cheek lightly. Everything was open to him, she felt no doubt that Merlin was everything she had ever dreamed of. She knew that she would never find anyone like Merlin, who could take the place in her heart that he held.

Her bright green eyes blinked once and then fluttered softly as she watched him, a curl fell across her forehead. But she didn't care to move it, she only wanted to stand there with Merlin, her moment in time was much more important than a simple lock of hair out of place. She didn't care if she didn't look absolutly perfect, she was sure that, or rath she hoped that Merlin would think her beautiful anyways. Morgana felt her heart leap and swell before she could not contain herself any longer. Her eyes slowly closed before she leaned up and she gentle placed her lips to his in a feather light kiss that sent sparks rolling threw her petite body. She could not deny the chemistry that sizzled and sparked to life in her body from such simple contact. Ever so slowly her arms came up to wrap around his neck before she spoke.

"I love you Merlin.."

[pie]

He continued to hold her close, rocking back and forth, lost in the moment. He didn't see her as his enemy at this moment, as the "darkness" to his "light", or the "hatred" to his "love". He saw her as the woman he cared deeply for, a woman he had come to respect. A woman that he would give anything for to protect. He didn't want any harm to come to her, for anyone to hurt her for any reason at all. He feared what Morgause's plans could bring about for Morgana. They were sisters, yes, but what if Morgause's ambitions got the better of her? He didn't want to see Morgana in any pain or trouble, he wanted to see the happy smile that she had just been showing.

Merlin rested his head against the top of hers, breathing in the scent of her hair. He closed his eyes as he held her, feeling as if his body was bathed in sunlight because of its warmth. He didn't want to let go, he had missed her so much over the year she had been gone, and he felt that if he let go, it would turn out to be a cruel dream, and that she would be gone again... or they would be enemies once more. No, he didn't want that to happen, didn't want to wake up. This wasn't a nightmare, it was a pleasant sweet dream. A dream he could stay in forever.

When she pulled away and looked into his eyes, he found himself doing the same, unable to look away. She was breathtakingly beautiful, he could not deny it. He had thought so from the very first time he had laid eyes on her. The year he hadn't seen her had done nothing to diminish that perfect beauty. Even as she caressed his cheek and spoke, he found himself at a loss for words. "Morgana," he obliged to her request, drawing the name out as he did so. Even her name sounded perfect, was perfect.

He reached out slowly, carefully, and brushed the lock of hair that fell into her face away, brushing his fingers against her cheek as he did so. Being so close, and not in a tense or sad atmosphere, he felt his heart continue to beat quickly. He didn't protest when she leaned up and kissed him. As her arms came up to wrap around his neck, his came up from behind to stroke her long hair.

Then she said she loved him.

He couldn't hide a slightly surprised look. They were complete opposites, or so it seemed. Their goals were completely different in every aspect. But... He couldn't deny, either, that he had had a crush on her from the moment he saw her. Or that over the years he had felt himself become closer to her, willing to do almost anything she had asked. Was it just a loyalty of friendship? Or something more? But... they couldn't be together, could they? She was the King's ward, and he a servant. Yes... Arthur and Gwen were together, so was it that impossible?

His surprised look faltered, taking on instead a calm and serene one. Then he felt himself lean in on his own and kiss her again. He knew then, exactly how he felt. Pulling away, he stared into her eyes once more, his breathing slow as he looked into her brilliant green eyes.

"Morgana... I love you too."

[troy]

Morgana was in perfect bliss here in Merlin's arms. It was where she always wanted to be. She always wanted to be near him, to be surrounded by his warm embrace. He was everything to her and though she would never admit it to anyone else but him, she knew that her words where true, that she truly did love Merlin. She had always loved him, from the very beginning it had always been Merlin there for her. And now she wanted him always by her side. It didn't matter what her sister thought, she wanted Merlin, he was hers. She loved him and she was never going to let him go. A soft shudder passed threw her body as he said her name, when he said her name it made her heart race in the simple pleasure of it. She enjoyed hearing it, she wanted to hear it again and again.

She leaned her head into his hand when he brushed the strand of hair away from her face and then touched her cheek. But when their lips met it was a heady rush of pleasure to feel him stroke her hair as they kissed. She felt utterly blissful in her room here with him. Everything else seemed to melt away, nothing else mattered to her. It was only her and Merlin now, no one else exhisted. At least for this moment in time.

She felt slightly embaressed by his look of surprise but she didn't back down, she didn't move away from him. And neither did he push her away. He must have been shocked that she would admit such a thing when they where supposed to hate one another. When they stood for two very different things. Where Morgana was supposed to stand with the dark, and Merlin the light. When his look changed to a calm and serene one she knew that he had accepted her words, and that he believed her. Morgana of course was not expecting him to kiss her again but her body instantly reacted to his and kissed him deeply and then sighed when he pulled away but smiled softly when he told her he loved her too.

"Its always been you Merlin.. It will always be you whom I love." She said softly as she caressed his cheek lovingly.