Confession [Merlin | Guienvere]

[Guinevère]

Guinevère was about to cry, but she blinded away the tears. He'd never really dismissed her before even before when she had just been a servant. She felt her heart breaking at the words but she knew this was what came of her actions. She had wanted to tell him, but how could she? How did one tell someone that their best friend had betrayed them? She had not known then that Morgana was the child of the king.

She took a few steps back and folded her arms over her chest. She hated this but did not know what to say. "I am sorry, for keeping this from you. I did not---there is no excuse. I should have said something." She was not going to defend her actions, even if she still partly believed in them. She looked up at his face, even though he was not looking at her. After a moment she turned to slowly walk back to camp. She did not go all the way, for she felt the need to be alone long enough to collect her emotions. The last thing she wanted was one of them to know she was how upset she was, nor see her cry!! She stopped to sit for a moment on a large rock, and wondered if she had ruined everything. Perhaps tomorrow would give them both clear minds?

She could not help but think that if she and Merlin had talk Arthur about Morgana then Camelot might not have fallen. They could all be safe at home and no one would have had to die.

It was frightening having that weight on her, and she did not blame Arthur for being mad at her. He said he wanted her for a queen but what sort of queen put the good of the kingdom over . . . whatever she was putting it over? None. Part of this was her fault; and being afraid of no excuse!

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[pie]

Merlin hadn’t been able to sleep very well that night. In fact, he hadn’t been able to sleep well since the whole “Fall of Camelot” thing. Sitting up in his bedroll, he tried to discern what time it was – all he managed to figure out was that it was: late. Rubbing his tired eyes, he looked around him, noticing the others were asleep. At least, all but Arthur and Gwen. And, seeing how Gwaine was fast asleep, or at least laying there, he assumed it was the Prince’s turn to take the watch at the moment.

He didn’t want to interrupt anything that might be going on between his two friends – as he assumed that they would both be together right now – but nor did he want to lie on the ground any longer. Therefore, he decided, he would just tae a walk around. If he happened across the pair, then so be it.

Climbing out of his bedroll, he stood up as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake anyone, and crept away from the camp, into the forest, where he could walk normally, though still stay on guard for wandering men. It wouldn’t do anyone any good if he was spotted by Morgana’s many men.

He still couldn’t believe that this was what Morgana would do. He blamed all of it Morgause, she was using her sister for her own benefits, he decided. Though, he couldn’t fully blame it on her, what would have happened, after all, had he not tried to poison her?

Almost tripping on nothing, Merlin pulled himself out of his thoughts. And, after a minute or two o staring ahead, he noticed Gwen sitting alone on a rock not too far away. Why was she sitting all alone? He wondered. He almost asked aloud, “What’s Arthur done this time?” Making his way towards her, and not exactly being silent, he’d come to stand beside her.

“Gwen, what are you doing so far from camp, alone?” he asked softly, crouching down next to her.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère looked up at her best friend in the whole wide world and tried to smile in order to hide the heart break she was feeling. She did not not want Merlin to feel any sorrow over their choices. While she wished they might have made better ones, in the moments they made them, they had been what their hearts knew were right. "Just thinking." She told him, knowing it was only a half truth.

She knew that she had to warn Merlin about her conversation with Arthur, so she patted the space beside her, hoping he would sit. She had not told Arthur that anyone else knew, even when he asked; she had not been able to betray Merlin. Still, Merlin would need to know in case Arthur thought about and would know that the only person she would ever run to would be him. "I told Arthur, that I knew Morgana was not her self for a while now." She admitted.

It had not been planned to tell him, but it had just happened. One moment they were talking and the next she was wishing on every star and held breath that she could take back the words that had slipped out. He had looked betrayed, and she knew he felt it. felt it like a knife in her heart.

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[pie]

"Thinking about what?" he asked nosily, though by the smile on his face, it was obvious it was a joke. He would never pry into anything she didn't want to tell him, unless he felt that it was very serious. Though, he wasn't sure that this wasn't something serious, as... why would Gwen have to think in the middle of the forest alone? And when she could be with Arthur, since it was his watch and everyone was asleep?

When she patted the space beside her, he didn't hesitate to sit down beside her. He sat there, and listened as she spoke. It wasn't much, but the weight that the words obviously carried was. She told Arthur about Morgana... Well... that couldn't be good... And that was what made him connect the fact that she was sitting out here alone in the woods, "thinking". Merlin thought of Gwen as a sister, she was the closest thing he had to one. And he wouldn't deny that he felt protective of her like a brother would. If Arthur had done anything rude, which would only be the typical Arthur, Merlin would want to argue with the Prince.

"It take it that he didn't take it well?" he asked in a soft voice.

[Guinevère]

"He's never quite looked at me like that." She told Merlin, as she thought back to Arthur's face when she told him about what she knew. It had been something that slipped out, for she did not think before she spoke. The casual slip however and ended any of the hugs that they'd been doing. Up until that point, Arthur had been holding her, glad to know she was safe.

"I think he feels betrayed in a way." It made since, she'd spent every free moment she had with him but she had not spoken up. She'd told Merlin instead. She'd run to Gaius, and then to Merlin but not to him. Merlin was her brother in her heart if not in her blood; but Arthur was the man she wished to marry. She was not sure why she had not run right to him. At the time she knew she had, had valid reasons for after everything Morgana had done she could not think of a single one of them. "Like his father and sister have done." She looked up at Merlin, "If I had told him, maybe I could have stopped all this from happening?!"

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[pie]

He looked at Gwen silently, not knowing how to respond. But he had to say something, but what? She had every reason to be upset if that was what she was, but she also had nothing to blame herself with, though. "Gwen..." He wanted to call Arthur a prat, to joke about it to try and cheer her up, but didn't know if it would help. This was something serious, this business that all revolved around Morgana... all of it did. "He's just upset over all of this stuff. He'll get over it."

Though... She was right; Arthur probably felt betrayed. Morgana had been like a sister to him, and the whole time, she had been lying to him. Had been using him. And to find out that someone else knew, even if for a little while... It had to hurt. But he didn't believe that if she had told him, that she could have prevented it. With one simple movement, Merlin leaned towards her and put his arms around her in a hug, unless she pulled back. "Gwen, maybe, but would Arthur have listened, or denied the truth of it? We both know him, he's a great person under all of those layers of arrogance he shows. He cared deeply for Morgana, we all did. If someone had gone to him, had come to any of us, and told us that Morgana was a traitor... would any of us believed them had we not known?" he asked gently. It was true, Morgana had been all of there friends, and then she changed. "Arthur feels betrayed, yes, but the betrayal of Morgana is weighing heavily on his heart... He's more angry at himself for not realizing it, then at you." Merlin didn't exactly know this, but he knew that a man who had just lost someone dear to them always felt some kind of internal grief.

[Guinevère]

Gwen wished it was as simple as 'he will get over it', but she feared it was not. "You did not see the way he looked at me Merlin, even when I was nothing but a servant to him he did not look at me this way." He'd looked though her rather then at her. It had been horrid and painful. She'd rather he'd called her traitor then look at her so. At lest then she would know what was in his head. This time there was nothing.

"He loves me Merlin--" Of that she did not doubt in, even now "--If I had gone to him and spoken up, told him something was wrong; he might have at lest started looking for his own self." She knew that Merlin had known for longer, and she did not blame him for not telling other for it was hard to believe; but what if Arthur would have believed HER word? Morgana had killed so many, how many lives could she have saved?

"I did not tell him you knew as well, and I wont." She would not betray her brother like that, even if it was to Arthur. "He asked who else knew, and if he thinks hard about it he might guess." There were not many that Gwen would run to, just a handful. Merlin was just the top of the list.

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[pie]

Merlin sighed and remained silent a moment, trying to organize his thoughts to try to comfort her. "You know Arthur gets, Gwen, and you know his true self better than anyone. You know that Arthur just needs time to think this through. He won't stay mad at you, I've seen the way he watches you when he thinks no one is looking." Arthur wouldn't want to lose such a precious person to him, and that was exactly what she was. "These past few days have been really nerve wracking on all of us, most of all on him."

She had a point, of course. But she couldn't blame herself... "Perhaps you're right, Gwen, maybe he would have. But you can't blame yourself for what has happened. You didn't make her do what she has done, she has chosen her own fate... Arthur wouldn't want you to blame yourself had he not already been upset. The past is just that, past. We cannot change what has happened, only make sure that we do not make the same mistakes in the future and hope for the best."

Then he looked at her with a sort of sad, but comforting, exasperated but surprised stare. "Gwen, you should have told him. I wouldn't have gotten mad. If Arthur is going to know about you knowing, you shouldn't take all of the blame, I knew too." It was very kind of her, but if Arthur should know, he should know more of the full truth. He deserved that, now, at least. "Perhaps I should tell him."

[Guinevère]

"I could not tell him anything you did not want him to know." She told him, knowing that she could not--would never tell on Merlin. If he wanted Arthur to know that he knew then Merlin could tell him him self. It was not Gwen's place to stir up trouble, not in her personality to run to someone just to tattle. She never understood people who did that, like she wondered if Morgana had done it back when Arthur 'found' the magic in Arthur's room. "Your my best friend Merlin, I could not tell him anything you've told me in confidence."

He was right, they could not change the past. It was amazing how Merlin knew what to say to her just when she needed it most. It was why they were such good friends. She still felt hurt and sad during the moment but with Merlin's words she knew that somehow everything would work out. "Your a good friend, Merlin, to both of us." Maybe even something more to both of them.

She knew she saw him as a brother, and she was sure that in his heart Arthur did too. "I hurt him, by not telling him. I know that with time he will forgive me, but right now I can't even give my self." She knew that was also a big part of it. "You might not want to tell him right now if you decide to. He is very hurt and upset right now." and armed with a sword. "If you don't tell him, I wont ever."

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[pie]

"Thank you, Gwen. You're my best friend too." More than a best friend. Despite how much he wished she had told Arthur about him knowing too, instead of pretending to be the only person who had know, he did appreciate that she wouldn't. That was a trait of a friend, and a trait that Merlin appreciated more than he could explain with words. If he had to choose one event in his life to hold above all others, it was definitely the time he had come to Camelot -- he had never suspected to make such a great friend; to make such great friends.

He was pleased to see that his words cheered her up at least a little, which he could tell from her next words. He gave her a small smile and a squeeze on her shoulder to let her know that she had, and always would have, his support no matter what. She could always count on him, just as he knew that he could count on her if he had to. "Well, I try my best," he said lightheartedly.

Merlin knew that this would be a hard thing for her to pull through, to be able to accept that she was not to blame, at least fully. It was expected, especially with Arthur being mad at her. "Gwen, we will save Camelot, Arthur will save Camelot, and Morgana won't be the ruler any longer. And then things will go back to normal, or as normal as is possible for us. And you will be right back at Arthur's side, and I know that he will appreciate it. But you shouldn't be upset about not telling him. You had his best interest at heart, even if he doesn't see it right now. He'll realize this."

She also proved another valid point, there. "You're actually probably right about that," he said, making a face. "I think I will tell him, but I'm not sure about right now. On one hand, it might be good to let him soak everything in at once. On the other, well... It might make it worse."