Return to Ealdor

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He had learned his father was alive, he had met his father, he had lost his father, and all in a matter of a few days. To say Merlin was happy would be a lie and the truth. Was he happy that he got to meet him? Yes, he was immensely happy. Was he upset that he had lost his father the very next day? No, far from it, he was devastated. And, while he was open about his feelings, there had been no way that he would have told Arthur about it. He had come close to it, but in the end, managed to keep it from coming out. Oh, how he wanted someone to talk to about this and about recent events.

This was why he was going back to Ealdor. Just to visit for a few days. It had been a while since he had last seen his mother, and he was eager to see her once more. But also, he had to tell her about Balinor, about his father. This would be the hard thing to speak of, to speak of calmly and without spilling too much emotion. Out of everyone he knew, he knew he could talk the most open with his mother. After all, she was his mom.

He had managed to convince Arthur to let him go on a trip for a few days, alone. Obviously Arthur would have been reluctant -- Merlin was his servant after all -- but, in the end, after presenting his case that he hadn't seen his mom in a long time, the Prince had agreed to let him go. He had set out that night with farewells to his friends just so they wouldn't be too worried or anything.

Now, walking towards the village of Ealdor, his horse's reins in his hand as he lead him, he couldn't help but smile. This was his home, the village he had grown up in, and this was where many of his memories lay. This was his first home, and forever his home, over Camelot. Walking into the village, he had doubts, though, that he shouldn't be here. The last time he had come, he had nearly been exposed as a sorcerer. But, worse still... his friend William had died from that visit...

But still, it was home.

_{Place: Ealdor
Time: In the evening
Timeline: After the Last Dragonlord
Tagged: Hunith Caradoc}

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She had been a bit surprised when someone had come to tell her that Merlin had come home. A lot of things had run through her mind...had someone found out about him? Had he been forced to leave Camelot? Was he hurt? She was happy at the thought of seeing her son again, but she always worried about him, about what might happen. She was working, since it was afternoon, but she was more than willing to take a break to go to him.

Hunith often wished that it were not so far between here and Camelot, and that Merlin were not so far away from her. Letters were often passed between mother and son, or between Gaius, her brother, and her, and she looked forward to every one, but it was not the same. She knew that he was smart enough not to reveal his secret, and that the gods and Gaius were looking after him, but she still wished she could be there with him, to see the man he was quickly becoming.

She studied him as she got closer to him, looking for any signs he was hurt or in distress, but he did not appear injured at all. His face did seem to show that he had a lot on his mind, and maybe that he was a bit downcast, but he didn't appear frightened, or like he'd had to leave in a hurry. Most comforting of all was that he didn't appear exhausted, as though he'd been doing a lot of running from pursuing knights. Uther's men would have to stop at the border of Cenred's kingdom, but getting accross the border would not have been easy.

She reached out to hug him when she reached him, both joy and concern showing on her face.

"Merlin...it is wonderful to see you, as always...please, though, tell me everything is all right. What has brought you home?"

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When Merlin saw his mother coming towards him, all doubts about him being here flew from his mind. He grinned wildly and hugged his mother back, not wanting to let go as it had been a long time since he had last seen her, had last hugged her. He wanted to tell her everything that had happened since their last meeting, as there was only so much that one could put in a letter, especially with the risk of it being intercepted and read. So he just hung on to his mother, letting go of the horse's reins in the process.

He couldn't help but a small laugh, joy evident in it. Even with his mother's concern, he couldn't help but laugh. Laugh at the prospect that he was actually back in Ealdor with her without it being attacked. Laugh in relief that the village still stood, not having been destroyed by bandits or some other danger. Finally, however, he pulled away, but his grin still stretched across his face, and his eyes sparkled faintly.

He wanted to be able to tell her that everything was alright. In a way, it was. He had come to peace with his father's death, at least to a point, but it still pained him. And in Camelot he had friends to help him through, even though they knew nothing about the fact Balinor was his father. Well, no one but Gaius. But there was only so much comfort one man could give.

"Everything's going well," he lied, dancing around the truth. He wanted to prolong the conversation about his father at least until they were in private. "Fought a dragon," he added in an afterthought. "Arthur believes he killed it, but... it's hardly dead. And he didn't do a thing, really." He shrugged, his grin somewhat faint. "It's good to see you, mom. I've missed you so much! There's so much that I want to tell you about!"

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She hugged him back, just as firmly, wishing she didn't have to let go of him. She knew that he was in the best place to fulfill his destiny, but the long absences weren't easy even so. SOmetimes she thought of moving to Camelot, to be closer to him, but her life and her community were here, and it was here she needed to stay, at least for now. Perhaps when her life was nearer its end, she would come closer, let her boy look after her.

She listened to his words, relieved and intrigued as they walked back toward the house. She did think of Balinor when he spoke of the dragon, and it ignited a curiosity in her. She had never known if Merlin had inherited his ability as a dragonlord, because Merlin himself would only know upon facing his first dragon. Either he had indeed been born a dragonlord, or he was extremely well blessed or lucky to have survived. She knew, though, the wisdom of keeping her questions silenced until they had reached some privacy.

"I have missed you as well. I am curious to know what brings you here, but I am always happy when you can come."

She didn't waste time trying to make him comfortable after they reached the house. "Are you hungry? Or thirsty? You've come a long way, let me get you something."

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Merlin followed his mother home, a little slowly -- partially out of wanting to avoid the topic of his arrival, and halfly because he was still taking in the sights of his hometown. Oh, how he missed the place so! This had been where he had grown up, where he had grown to an adult -- though he was very much still considered a boy to many people! -- and where his friend... friend... had lived. He pushed that thought away as they neared the house.

"Just visiting, mom," he said, though he wasn't sure he could lie to his mother. She did, after all, know him better than anyone! "It's just been such a long time since I last came."

He tied the horse up outside the house when they got there. He couldn't let the horse wander and get away, after all. Then he entered the home, his old home, still his heart's home, and looked around, taking in the familiar sights of the place as memories rushed back to him still.

When his mom asked him if he was hungry or thirsty, he was going to say no, not wanting to make her have to get him anything, but his stomach betrayed him and growled loudly. He chuckled embarrassedly and said, "I guess I could use something to eat."

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Hunith had, naturally, not been fooled by his answer, and she was curious about it, studying him as they walked back to the house. She listened to his answer, but her instincts told her not to fall for it. She wasn't going to press him, she couldn't stand to make him angry, but she did let him know that she was onto him. He would speak when he was ready, and she did hope it was soon. It was obvious something was bothering him, and she didn't like seeing him upset.

"Now, Merlin, I know there's something you aren't telling me. I will not push you to talk, but I just want you to know that I'm not fooled. All I ask is that you are not afraid to tell me things, especially if something bothers you. I can tell you're uneasy, and I don't like to see you that way."

She had to chuckle along with him; she could tell he was going to likely say no, he wasn't hungry, but his stomach was saying otherwise. She got started, looking at him from time to time as she got out some bread, and a few vegetables. These were the kinds of meals he'd had most of his life; simple but enough. She could see that he looked fairly healthy, though. Only the royalty got the fancy castle meals, but it was not uncommon for masters to pass along leftovers, and Gaius was decently well off. Merlin even got meat some of the time, he'd told her.

"You spoke of the dragon...I hope it did not cause a great deal of damage. Camelot was constantly being attacked by them before Uther came. I know they can leave a city in ruins. I'm happy that you are all right after it."

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Merlin tried to continue to act un-suspiciously, but the knowledge that his lie hadn't fooled his mother made it hard to do so. He averted his eyes to look to the ground, unanswering her. He couldn't think of anything to say as he felt his throat constrict as if he would choke up if he did try to speak. For sure he was uneasy, very uneasy. And he didn't know how to bring up the news of his father's death. But to tell the story of how the Dragon was stopped, it would have to be said, so he couldn't avoid the topic. Yet why would he want to avoid the topic, his mother deserved to know about Balinor's death, did she not?

He just nodded, his gaze lingering on the ground, a sure sign that something was wrong. He didn't know if his mother was looking at him, as he was staring straight downwards. But if she was, she would be assured that something was wrong that he didn't want to speak about... at least until he could find a way to bring it up.

When his mother started to prepare him something to eat, he took a seat and folded his hands down in front of him, staring down between his legs as his seriousness returned to him. He had to tell his mother, but when? The sooner he got it out, the sooner he would be more at ease. Or so he hoped. The worry of how to tell her, of telling her, would pass then, however. What to say? He couldn't just blurt it out, that would be rude, and he didn't have the nerve to do that. He had to let the conversation slide into it somehow.

Then his mother spoke again, and he found an opening that he hoped he could work with. Swallowing, he looked up, forcing himself to look normal. "The Dragon destroyed quite a bit of Camelot. Not enough that it can't be repaired, though. Everything will be back to normal soon. But... I have a question, mother. I know this will sound strange given to conversation, and that I've asked a hundred times before, but...

"What was father like?"

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He would start it with asking how Balinor was. What exactly had his mother thought of him? He wanted to hear the story from her, too, not just Gaius and his father. He wondered, though, if she would tell him, as he had gone forever without knowing, so why start now? She didn't know that he knew about Balinor, or so he didn't think she would.[/color]

[ It looked better and more dramatic (sorta) in the center. lol. ][/blockquote][/blockquote]

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She saw the way he averted his eyes, the way he made it so obvious that he was bothered, even though he was trying so hard *not* to show it. It made Hunith worry all the more that it was something serious, but she could not fathom why he was so reluctant to speak. She had always made it a point to make sure he knew that he could tell her anything, that he never had to be afraid to come to her. It was a lot harder now that he was so far from her, but she still hoped that if he felt the need to talk, he wouldn't hesitate.

"Please don't be afraid to talk, when you are ready. You are making me worry for you."she said.

However, he spoke up again and she was able to infer a bit about what it was. She would not jump to conclusions, but a few things did become a bit more clear to her. Merlin had asked about his father from time to time, as was only natural for a child, but she had told him very little. Partly, it had been because she simply hadn't known what to say or how to explain things to him. She had long felt sorry that he had been deprived of a father, and was glad now for Gaius being there. His question made her more curious, but she restrained herself from asking questions too quickly.

"He was strong...he had a good heart, but he could be stubborn. He had gifts,like you...it made things hard for him. He just wanted to live his life in peace, but Uther would not allow it. He had hoped Uther would not pursue him here, but there is often no limit to Uther's determination to catch someone he calls a fugitive. I wanted to stay with him...I was willing to take the risk...but he felt it was not safe, and he said that the village needed me, that I should stay with those who needed me. I would have followed him, but he left in the night, and I never knew where he went."she said.

"There are a lot of ways that you become more like him as you grow up. He would be very proud of you...but I was never able to tell him. He left before I discovered I was with child. I only wish that I could tell him of his son. I have never stopped hoping that one day, I might see him again."

She studied him, a lot of questions in her eyes, hoping he would be willing to talk and tell her why he had asked about his father.

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Merlin's intentions were not to worry his mother. One of the big reasons he was afraid to tell her what was bothering him was because he didn't want to worry her. That, and because he didn't want to tell his mother that the man she loved was dead... He nodded, mumbling a quiet, "I'm sorry," but not able to say anymore for fear of his voice choking up.

When she spoke about his father, Merlin had an even harder time not choking up. He had never gotten to know his father except for those few days. And then had lost him. Had lost him because he had tried to protect his son from getting killed, and in the process died himself. Did Merlin blame himself? Surely he did, if he hadn't been so defenseless in those few moments, or had used his magic to stop the enemy, then his father wouldn't have felt the need to throw himself in front of him.

Yes, Merlin blamed himself for his father's death.

As she came to a close with her words, though, Merlin found that he had stopped breathing, and was staring at the floor again, his shaking hands clasped in front of him. "Would be very proud of you." "Might see him again." Merlin shifted his weight uncomfortably in his seat, and swallowed hard a few times, trying to compose himself so he could talk.

"He was a Dragonlord, wasn't he?" he asked, his voice coming out slow as he tried not to let his body shake with any future tears. These words, if anything, revealed that he knew his father, or got information from an outside source. "What do you think Uther would have done had he seen father again? If he defeated the dragon?" Would Uther have banished him again, or tried to have him killed? The King was a very confusing man, could be called a hypocrite in certain situations.

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Hunith felt her spirits sink as she recognized what Merlin was trying to convey. He wasn't able to speak the words, but it was obvious in his face and his eyes. She felt tears sting her eyes, just as they were Merlin's. She had hoped one day to see him again, but now it was obvious that would never happen, at least in this world. She had to stop what she was doing, and she put her hand on his shoulder, gently pulling him into a hug."Oh, Merlin..."

After she had composed herself for a moment, she spoke again."Please...tell me that he died well. That he died fighting."

Merlin asked if Balinor was a dragonlord. Hunith stepped back a bit, but kept her hand on her son's shoulder, gently rubbing it to comfort him. "Yes, he was. The last, after Uther carried out his vengeance. We fled hoping he would be safe here after Uther tricked him into calling the last dragon. He said he wanted to make peace, but he wanted to imprison Kilgarrah. He would have killed Balinor as well, still intended to. We thought he was safe here, as I said,but the king at the time allowed a detachment of Uther's knights to chase him even here. I wanted to go with him again, but he did not want to put me in danger. He fled in the night, so I couldn't come after him. I never got the chance to tell him I was carrying his child. I am glad that you at least got to meet him...but it was very brief, I expect."

"We heard that the dragon escaped and attacked Camelot, but that it was killed. But you sent it away, didn't you? It was you who stopped the destruction from claiming the entire city. I...I wanted to tell you more...I wish at times that I had. But I was afraid...you already had magic. I knew you would not be targeted as a dragonlord if all of them were thought dead. I do regret it now. I still do not know about Uther...he is so hard to predict. I cannot say if he would have spared your father or not."

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When his mother came over and pulled him into a hug, Merlin knew that she had read the obvious signs that was hinting at what he knew. When she pulled him into that hug, Merlin didn't bother to stem the flow of his tears... He had met his father, and had lost him that very next day. He had known him for such a short period of time, he had wanted to get to know him better, to get to talk to him, to tell him what had happened throughout his life, to bring him to see his wife again, Merlin's mother. And yet, at the same time, despite how proud he was of his father, he was also mad at him. The man had left his wife without a word. Yes, he had wanted to protect her, but still... without a word... He couldn't even begin to fathom how much that had to have hurt his mother. . .

Merlin nodded, choking on the words as he spoke them, "He died protecting me. We were attacked in the woods, and one of the men were coming at me to kill me, and he threw himself in the way... He didn't know that I had magic, that I could have stopped the man..." A sob escaped him, and his hands tightened into fists on his lap. His father died because of him. If he hadn't seemed so helpless, if he had just used magic a second earlier, than Balinor would still be alive. He could have stopped Kilgarrah, and then this reunion with his mother could have been a happier one, could have been one that they had made together. . .

He listened to her story about his father. He knew this, albeit in different words, but Balinor had told him. He nodded, and remained silent a few moments after she finished so that he could gather his thoughts enough to speak. Wiping at his tear-filled eyes, he said, "I let the Dragon out, I had promised him I would so that he would tell me how to stop Cornelius Sigan from destroying Camelot. He kept me to that promise, and when I let him out, he attacked Camelot. Arthur and I were sent to find... father... to request his help to stop Kilgarah's attack. When we got it and left, as he was... dying... he told me I was a Dragonlord...

"I stopped the Dragon, I made it leave. Arthur believes he killed it, but... Let him believe it. It was all a test, in some strange way. I don't see why I need the powers of a Dragonlord anyway, it isn't as if there are any other dragons left alive. He could have just listened to me telling him to stop in the first place, and then... then none of this would have happened..." And his father would still be alive. He wouldn't know him, but he would still be alive...