What's Suppose To Happen Now?

[pie]

Merlin still couldn't believe Arthur had acted so to a simple truth. Except that that truth was not really simple, it was perhaps the biggest lie he had told anyone, a lie that he feared had cost him his friendship with the man. Arthur had found out about his secret, about his magic, and had not been happy. Merlin hadn't put enough faith in the man he dared to call his best friend, and now fate had come back at him. Arthur hated him. Or so, he believed.

He couldn't return to Camelot. What would he do there? Everything that he could possibly do involved Arthur. Yes, he had abandoned Camelot, hadn't gone back to say goodbye to Gaius or Gwen. Would this change anything? Or would, by going to Ealdor, he put his mother and the rest of the village at risk? He didn't know if Arthur would wind up telling his father -- even now, in this darkest hour, he couldn't bring himself to have faith that Arthur would not. The Prince had been so angry.

So he was returning to Ealdor, and he would ask his mother if he could stay there for a while. He didn't know when, if at all, he would return to Camelot. He didn't want to face an angry Arthur, but would the man ever be able to forgive such a betrayal? He was walking back to Ealdor, fitting as the first time he gone to Camelot he had walked from the village. The cold morning rain was drenching him to the skin, making him shiver. Yet he didn't notice, and even if he did, he wouldn't care, he was too dispirited. Any and all anger at Arthur had diminished over the time it had taken him to walk as far as he had gone.

By the time he made it to Ealdor, the rain still pouring from the cloud-darkened sky, his steps came slow and unmeasured, moving with the walk of a man that felt that he had lost everything. And surely he had, for Arthur was everything -- he had been his friend, and his destiny resided with the man. He didn't pay any attention to anyone that happened to be out in the heavy rain, those who directed him smiles and words of welcome. No, to Merlin, none of them were even there. He just walked straight to his house, walking to the door where he would stand for a few moments.

He didn't want to just barge in, so he raised his hand to knock. But even that he couldn't bring himself to do, and he wound up lowering his hand and leaning against the door where he slid down into a sitting position. He would work up the nerve to knock eventually, unless his mother found him first, sitting out front. Which, to Merlin, seemed the more likely. He leaned his head back and stared upwards with unblinking eyes. To anyone who looked, it appeared that the man might be silently crying, but the rain made it hard to tell for sure. . .


_{Place: Ealdor
Time: Early Morning
Timeline: After "Sorcerer's Shadow" -- When Merlin leaves for Ealdor during "The Truth Can Hurt" thread
Tagged: Hunith Caradoc
Notes: This is a follow-up to the "What If?" thread.}