The Truth Can Hurt

[pie]

He had not lied to him every day since he met him! Alright, he had, hadn't he? But Merlin sure as hell wasn't about to admit that to Arthur! Well, he didn't have to, Arthur already knew that he had. Still, he wasn't going to let this be turned back around on him, making him the bad guy! He hadn't done anything that wrong! Sure, he knew that he should have trusted Arthur more, should have told him the trust at least when they became friends, such as around the time that Arthur had come to Ealdor to help save it. Or after the whole incident with Anhora. That would have been a good idea, that whole last test was about trust after all, wasn't it?

No! He wasn't about to start feeling bad! He was still convinced that this was a dream, at least to some extent, and wasn't about to allow Arthur to make him feel guilty! No, Arthur should be the one feeling guilty. Yeah, him, not Merlin! Arthur had been the reason Merlin hadn't told him, he was afraid that he would tell Uther, or kill him. That's why, because Merlin -- ... Because Merlin hadn't trusted him. . .

Yes, he had lied to everyone, hadn't he? But it was nessesary! And he had hoped that it would protect them from harm, too, if they hadn't known his secret! Hadn't had to keep it a secret from others that would report it to the King! He had believed it to be in the best intentions. "Maybe I wouldn't have kept it from you if you weren't such a big idiot to not have seen what was right under your nose! To realize that maybe, just maybe, your 'incompetant' servant wasn't so incompetant as you made it out to be!" he yelled back angrily, using the guilt he was beginning to feel as a fuel for his irritation.

Just as Arthur wasn't about to admit being wrong about anything, neither was Merlin. It would probably get them nowhere, or maybe it would. Only time would be able to tell if the bond they once had could keep them together as friends. "But no, you weren't able to tell! You're just as blind as your father! And just as stupid!" He was too angry -- whether at Arthur or himself he wasn't sure of -- to see sense and not say stupid things. But what should he be afraid of? He wasn't in Camelot or its surrounding Kingdom. He was in Cenred's Kingdom.

[ WOO! PAGE 3!!! ]

[Arthur Pendragon]

The fact that they were both extremely angry and hurt right now, was not at all a good combination. Arthur would NOT allow Merlin to justify himself! He was not about to accept his ex-servants words and exempt him from all that he had done. No. Arthur was no where near forgiveness right now. In fact, quite the opposite. He had come here to confront Merlin, but was now wondering if he should have. Perhaps he should have just stayed at home. Should have expected never to see Merlin again. This thought, was still difficult to come to terms with. Merlin's words further enraged the already enraged Prince. Who knew it was possible to grow even more angry at his friend . . . friend. A term that was so difficult to recognize right now. Arthur never liked being insulted, though with Merlin, he sometimes let it slide. Not this time. This time, he was severely offended and he was not about to appease the man's insulting remarks.

It was true that Arthur always made Merlin sound incompetent, though in the moment, he did not feel bad for it. At times, he would realize he went too far. Such as the time he threw water on Merlin's face. But presently, he could not recall the times where they joked around, and acted like brothers more than friends or prince and servant. No. Nothing seemed so simple and carefree anymore. Everything had changed. It would never go back to normal. That, is how Arthur felt right now. He did not say anything right away when Merlin called him an idiot, or spoke of his competence. But suddenly, all of Arthur's attention focused on what his next words were.

He called him blind and stupid. But that was not what triggered Arthur's emotions; it was more so the fact that he called his father blind and stupid. There were few things that one could say to Arthur that would really push him over the edge to irrational anger; insulting his loved ones being the main triggers. This time was no exception. Perhaps it was these comments, or all the pent up anger and hurt he had towards Merlin, or a combination of both. Whatever it was, all his emotions came out and determined his next actions. He stormed up the Merlin, and when he was in close range, swung his fist across his cheek. Arthur had never punched Merlin before. Sure, he had thrown things at him, and combated with him, hitting him with objects and weapons . . . but never had it been done with anger. It had been done in training, or mockery, or just friendly sparing, but not this time. This time, he purposely used a great deal of strength to punch Merlin, clear across the face.

Had Arthur's rage not clouded his emotions, he would have felt shocked at his own actions. He would have even come to regret it the instant he had done it. But right now, all he could feel was a strange sense of satisfaction and still, the punch did not make him feel better. It did not alleviate his anger. It just made him want to hit Merlin again. To continue to take out his aggressions on him. But for now, he just started at him coldly, seeing how much the impact of his strike had on the newly discovered sorcerer.

[[ OMG! WE ROCK!!!! ]]

[pie]

Merlin was unsure of what to say or do; couldn't think rationally for the life of him. Or, a better excuse was, he didn't want to. Didn't want to admit to himself that in many ways, they were both wrong, but both right. Was there any common, middle ground here? Or was there only the road to anger and more anger? It seemed the latter at the moment, they were both venting their frustrations on each other, not willing to work it out. He didn't care though, if Arthur wanted to come here to yell at him, than Merlin surely wasn't about to just let him go right on ahead. He'd had enough of being yelled at, particularly as of late. It seemed to be some kind of routine. Previously, before all of this had happened, he wouldn't have minded as much -- a more peaceful side would have been welcomed, but would have seemed strange.

Now, he just wanted to heave something at the man. Anything; a rock, a shoe, some random miscellaneous object that just happened to be laying around. Anything. He wouldn't though, not quite yet at least. It was getting to that point, however. Still, even in this irrational state, there was that little voice in the back of his head that was telling him that that would not help anything at all. Also, it said, if it caused a fight, it would be one that Merlin would surely lose. He ignored the voice completely.

He had called Arthur blind and stupid. He had called Uther blind and stupid. He was; he saw sorcerers were there were none, and those that just happened to be allies and were sorcerers, well, they didn't matter, they were still sorcerers. This whole revenge thing was getting just a tad bit old and overused. He could "understand" it to an extent from way back then, but now... Therefore, he claimed that the King was blind and stupid. While he stuck by what he had said, he -- dimly -- wished that he could take it back. What had happened in the next few seconds shocked him.

Merlin didn't move when Arthur came towards him. He didn't know what to do, didn't think quickly enough that he should get out of the way, and therefore he didn't. He just stood there, his thoughts momentarily whirling about his head, as Arthur punched him. Perhaps he could have maintained his balance if he wasn't so weak -- no, he knew, he would not have been able to. Arthur was stronger than him, and a disciplined warrior. He was also Merlin's friend -- how strange the word sounded now! --, and the pure shock would still have caught him by total surprise. No, this would have ended the same way.

He did manage to put himself into a position that didn't land him face first on the ground, though the angle that Arthur had hit him at probably wouldn't have caused that anyway. Landing in an awkward half-turned position, Merlin just sat there, staring at the ground and away from the still-angry Prince. Had his words really caused such a reaction? Had he really managed to anger Arthur that much? It seemed so, and the knowledge that he had been the cause forced Merlin to pause and think.

Hands clenching into fists, digging into the ground below them, Merlin, without looking back up at Arthur, forced his voice to work. "So this... this is why you came, then? Go on, hit me again if it'll make you feel better." The words came out slowly and in a forced controlled voice. In reality, he wanted to scream, though he wasn't sure so much in anger this time.

[ Yes, we dooo lol ]

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur continued to stare at Merlin coldly. This really was not what he had planned to happen. Yet, he had had no idea of what to expect. He had never been in this kind of situation before, nor had he ever expected to be. What he did know was that he had not expected the confrontation to be pleasant and he had been right about that. It was not. In the few moments they had been in each others company they had already yelled at one another, and he had already thrown a punch at Merlin. This was not going to so well, and it only made it more difficult to determine what was going to happen after wards. What were either of them expecting to come from this? Would Merlin forever remain here in Ealdor, and Arthur would just go back to Camelot and continue his duties . . . as if nothing had happened?

No. He could not do that. He had invested far too much in this friendship with Merlin to simply walk away from it. Which is why he remained in place. Which was why he would risk the idea of hitting him again, rather than just leaving, and returning to the city for good. And the thought of hitting him -- again -- did indeed enter his mind. It was tempting. Oh so very tempting. For it seemed like a good outlet for his anger. At the same time, Arthur knew that Merlin was not a fighter. He was a . . . sorcerer. The thought of that left a dry taste in Arthur's mouth as he doubted he would ever be able to bring himself to say those words. They seemed to be impossible. It was a strange state of denial; an unwillingness for Arthur to accept that Merlin had magic in him. For all these years.

"This is not why I came," Arthur said in a harsh tone; a voice that was as cold as his expression. He had not come here to beat up Merlin. He had not come here to even hit him! Even though he had, it was not as if he had planned for it. His anger was getting the best of him, and he needed to do his best to keep it under control . . . for both their sakes. But his answer failed to address Merlin's question, of why had he come. What did he expect to hear from him? Did he even believe that their friendship could be redeemed? Certainly not after one conversation. Correction: Certainly not after a conversation such as this one. So really, Arthur was at a loss of words. "I came here to get answers." Well, obviously, but what then? Had he not heard everything he needed to hear? NO! Not even close! But in order to get answers, he needed to ask questions . . . and he could not currently think of anything specific to ask in this moment.

[pie]

No other punch came. No other unexpected event that would only darken his mood again -- yet. It didn't change anything, though. He still say there on the ground, facing away from Arthur, not daring to look at him. He couldn't bring himself to look at him, couldn't bring himself to get up only to find himself down again, figuratively and literally. So instead, he sat there, clenching the ground as if he would fall if he didn't. Despite how it didn't solve anything, he felt as if it were something solid to keep himself together.

He should be glad Arthur was here, he tried telling himself. Should be glad he left Camelot to come to Ealdor, even if only for answers. Yet he wasn't. Without him around, Merlin had been able to continue hoping things would look up again -- not that that had done anything much to "cheer" him up. He'd been able to hope it was all a dream or a trick. No... this wasn't a dream. Arthur was real, and here. Merlin had felt the punch as clearly as anything. You weren't suppose to be able to feel in dreams, they said.

No, it was as real as this whole situation. As real as anything he'd gone through and now he was alone in the forest with Arthur. Alone... with an angry Prince who knew his secret and who had grown up being taught that magic was evil, that those with magic were evil, and that those people should be eliminated. A flash of fear crossed his eyes. Eliminated. Answers. What if those answers led to something he wanted to refuse to believe? What if those answers provoked the Prince, or what if the answers he wanted determined whether or not he'd kill him?

No... he had to believe Arthur wouldn't do that. For the sake of their friendship... for their old friendship... he had to trust him. He had to, because otherwise, he would die. He wouldn't raise a hand against Arthur, wouldn't use magic against him in defense or offense. No, if Arthur wanted to apprehend him, kill him on the spot even, Merlin didn't think he would have the heart to resist. He just couldn't.

"Then ask," he whispered, not trusting his voice to speak louder. "Ask me... anything. You'll get the same answer -- I never intended any harm to anyone, least of all you... Especially you..." Merlin just sat, staring at the ground as he muttered one last word as a closing, "... Sire." It came out distant, more distant than Merlin had ever spoke the word. He couldn't call him by name, it had become a term that had meant more to him -- it had signified their friendship, and he couldn't bring himself to say it.

He didn't know if he'd ever say it again...

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur did not even know where to begin. There were so many things that he wanted to demand to know, yet a part of him was . . . dare he say, afraid. He was afraid that anything he found out would only make the entire truth of this more painful to hear. He wondered just how many lies there had been . . . and once again, he was afraid to know the answer to such a question. It was why he didn't even know what to ask and how to ask it. But if ever there was a time to put everything out in the open, to confront him about everything . . . it was now. "I do not even know where to begin," Arthur said in a firmly stern voice. Still cold. He did not miss the way that Merlin spoke to him either. That distant tone in the way he addressed him. And at the same time, it was best to maintain that sort of distance.

Arthur was already speaking to him as if their friendship was a thing of the past, and Merlin was slowly doing the same. Would it stay there? Would hearing his justification alter his views? Change how he felt right now? It was the lies that had upset him. He never would have expected such a thing from his . . . best friend. His brother! A man that Arthur trusted with his life! Only to have that betrayed for from day one is a built on a lie. A massive lie. One that he subconsciously decided could not currently look past. He could not see his reasons for it. Right now, he wanted to know where all it began. How many lies he had told for Arthur doubted there were only a couple. He had spent every day of the last three years with Merlin. No. It was more than a lie or two. It was most likely dozens. If not hundreds.

"Start from the beginning." The first lie he ever told him, if he could even remember. But Arthur wanted to know everything. He wanted to know the circumstance in which his lie had prevented Arthur from discovering the truth. How oblivious it had been. His inability to recognize Merlin's powers made him question his judgment to the most painful extent. Arthur had always felt he knew those close to him extremely well; that he would be able to tell when they were lying. Especially Merlin who often appeared to show his emotions on his face so easily. But he had been tricked. Conned from the very beginning, and this was all the young Prince cared to recognize right now. That was all he could shift all of his concentration on. Nothing else. Nothing else for the time being. His mind kept going back to those times where he had told Merlin phrases such as Can't get anything past me Merlin. Oh how terribly wrong Arthur had been.