The Truth Can Hurt

[pie]

One always wondered how their friends would react to the truth. A truth that you kept from them, either for their benefit, or because you were afraid of how they would react. A truth that, perhaps, you knew you should have told them about, especially your closest friends. For what are friends for if not to share these things? Always that worry of their reaction gnaws at you, only becomes worse the longer you keep the secret silent.

Sometimes it's better to tell them, than let them find out on their own. . .

* * * * *

Merlin was riding his horse alongside Arthur out in the woods. As if that was new -- nor was the reason they were here new. Hunting trip. Yep, another hunting trip, which Merlin was not at all pleased about. He didn't mind them, really, he never minded leaving Camelot with Arthur, got him away from his chores and all. But something bad almost always happened during them. Really, he was starting to wonder why they even continued to go on them!

Today was no different, he feared. There was that feeling in his stomach that something was wrong, very wrong. "Arthur," he said, and his worry was evident in his voice. "Maybe we should turn back." He was serious, too, he completely believed that something bad was about to happen. And not later, but quite soon. What if bandits attacked? Or... or some kind of magical creature? Those liked to attack unsuspecting people in the middle of the forest!

Or what if they got lost? With their luck, it was very likely! Or--

Before he could think up many more reasons, the horses began to freak out, and the next moment, a wave of what was obviously magical energy came and pushed them off their horses! Landing behind his frightened horse -- which promptly ran off -- Merlin groaned and turned to look at Arthur.

-- Or a sorcerer attacked them!


_{Place: In a forest
Time: Around Noon
Timeline: After "Sorcerer's Shadow"
Tagged: Arthur Pendragon
Notes: This is a "What If?" thread.}

[Arthur Pendragon]

There was always the possibility that there would be that one hunting trip that would be uneventful. That no danger would befall them. That the sport of hunting would fulfill its initial purpose, which was to relax. But today would not be one of those days. Arthur held back the common gesture of rolling his eyes when Merlin spoke of wanting to turn back. "Don't be such a girl Merlin," he teased. Him and his 'feelings'. Why was he so scared?! Nothing was going to happen! "You really need to being so scared of everything. Nothing is going to ha--" And that was when a sudden, unnatural gust of something or another, forced the two men off their horses. Arthur flew back, watching his horse trot off. Great. Just great.

He looked at Merlin to make sure he wasn't too seriously injured, or worse. "You alright?" Arthur asked as he quickly got to his feet. Something was off about this. There was no way their horses just got out of control like that. No. There was something more at work here. Arthur abruptly turned his head when he heard a noise, and immediately pulled out his sword from its sheath, putting himself fully on guard.

What he saw however . . . well, a single sword would not stand against it. Coming towards them was a massive swarm of a creature that Arthur had vaguely heard of. He knew them to be called Seps; small snakes that possessed an extremely deadly poison and that poison consumed both body and bones. Arthur had heard that they had the power to get inside the flesh of a human, slithering their way under their skin, eating their flesh one bit at a time. The myth was enough to send a shiver down ones spine, and here was the proof that they were real. They had small fangs protruding from their mouths. Just a single bite from any of them was enough to kill a man.

So considering that there were that many at once, as it looked like there were at least a hundred heading their way, only meant certain death. They were creatures of magic, and that many at a time surely was not normal. Someone must have summoned them; unless they just happened to find them under pure coincidence. Whatever the reason, they were in great danger. Arthur stared at the slithering creatures and his eyes widened a bit as they were nearing closer. "Run!" He exclaimed, turning and already running away from the army of snakes that threatened to kill them.

[So I vaguely remember hearing about these things, I made up some details about them and such. Plus, I couldn't find a good picture so just imagine mini snakes with huge fangs and deadly poison and they get under the skin of a human. Does that sound alright? Let me know if you want me to change anything! ]

[pie]

Well of course Arthur wouldn't have thought that anything was going to happen, nor would he heed Merlin's warning and turn back. But look where that got them! He'd never seen so many snakes in one place! Let alone with visible fangs! He didn't know what they were -- nor did her care to find out! -- but he knew they had to be magical. What else could they be?! "What were you saying about nothing happening?!" he asked incredulously, backing up as they neared.

He stood up frantically, staring with wide eyes at the army of snakes. What were these things?! he wondered. He made no protest to Arthur's order to run, and turned and ran behind him. See? He knew that something bad was bound to happen, he had had the premonitional feeling that one gets when something just seems wrong with the very air. The feeling was still there, though he gave that credit now to his fear that these snakes would kill them or something!

But who had summoned them? he also wondered. He knew that there had to have been someone who summoned them. And how would the gust of wind be explained? Perhaps the person had just left and decided to let the snakes finish them off? How rude of them! he fumed to himself. If he found that person... Oh, he'd be sure to knock some sense into them! And army of snakes? Really?! Why not something else? Like... an army of bunnies or something? Or just have the nerve to attack them themselves, instead of hiding? What was their purpose, anyway? Did they know Arthur was the Prince? Why did everyone want Arthur dead? Did it have something to do with the whole magic thing? Didn't they know that if they would just wait, that eventually Arthur would bring magic back to Albion and allow it to be legal!?

"Arthur, how are we going to get away from these things?! Do you think they'll continue to follow us?!" he asked, trying to keep up with him. This was probably the worse scenario they had been in on a hunting trip! It couldn't possibly get any worse, right?

Right?

[Arthur Pendragon]

These damn things were so small! It was easy for them to crawl up one of their legs and cause some serous lethal damage. It was why Arthur just kept running, making sure Merlin was still close by by occasionally glancing behind him. "I don't know but from the looks of it, they don't seem to be willing to let us go." He answered a bit sarcastically, though it was the honest answer. Whoever was behind this . . . it would explain why they wanted the two men off their horses. It was much harder to out run an army of magical serpents! "Stop asking so many questions and just keep running!"

Truth was, Arthur had no idea how to get away from these things. They were in the middle of the woods, without their horses, and it would only be a matter of time until they grew too tired to run and had to deal with the wrath of the seps. A sword was no match against so many. They were massively outnumbered. Arthur could only hold the hope that they had gotten out of worse situations before. Yes. Surely some of their past incidents had been far worse than this. They would get out of this one too . . . somehow.

Arthur kept running, and running and . . . they needed to think of some sort of plan. Arthur suddenly swerved to the side, grabbing Merlin with him and rested his back against a thick tree trunk. These things may be dangerous, but maybe they were overestimating their intelligence. As Arthur hid, he noticed the seps continuing to move forward, obviously not noticing that their two potential victims were hiding behind the tree. But still, the Prince held his breath as he couldn't be too sure, and just waited for them to keep moving ahead.

[pie]

Of course they weren't going to let them go! Whoever summoned them was intent on killing them! "Nooo, I never would have guessed!" he replied. He didn't protest to the 'keep running' part, though! Yes, he agreed that running was their best option at this moment, though he also knew that they couldn't keep running.

They might be able to run back to Camelot if they were lucky -- but it appeared they were never lucky in that kind of thing... -- but even if they did, what then? The snakes would be loose among the people, so what would they do after that? These snakes appeared to be dangerous, surely they couldn't let them run around the city! Even Arthur, who usually seemed ready to fight those kinds of things, had immediately had them run away. He recognized these creatures? If Arthur didn't want to fight them, then they most definitely couldn't be a good thing!

Merlin was afraid that they would need to stop these creatures soon, as he doubted it was possible to run all the way back to Camelot anyway. But what could stop an army of magical creatures? If Arthur hadn't attacked them, did that mean that swords couldn't work? So what did that leave? ... Magic. But how?

When Arthur suddenly swerved to the side and pulled him with him, Merlin resisted to urge to cry out in surprise. He trusted Arthur enough to believe he knew what he was doing... or so he hoped he knew what he was doing. He pressed himself as close to Arthur as was needed to keep out of sight of the snakes. He prayed that they were as stupid as they seemed so far, and continued to go after absolutely nothing. But when would they realize? And would they attack anyone else?

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur remained perfectly still, even holding his breath until the swarm moved far ahead enough so that they would not be able to see them. Or until at least Arthur and Merlin had a good enough head start to get out of here. When the lot of them seemed gone, Arthur peeked out from behind the tree before he completely stepped into view. "Where the bloody hell did those things come from." He asked, knowing it would probably remain a rhetorical question since he didn't expect Merlin to have the answer. It had just bee so random; so out of the ordinary. Then again, when where their lives met with anything ordinary. There always seemed to be one problem or another. Sorcery. Bandits. Mushrooms. Would they ever just have a normal day?!

While Arthur was about to state the necessity of going back to Camelot, he suddenly felt a painful bite. "Ow!" He exclaimed looking at his arm, only to see one of the seps latched on to him. He quickly shook it off, managing to send it flying through the air before it could get under his skin. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done, and it only took a few seconds for the poison to begin to seep through his veins.

Arthur felt everything begin to spin, his vision getting blurry and he could oddly enough, already feel a few tears of sweat forming on his forehead. Such was the quick work of the seps; their poison took a very short amount of time, and Arthur knew that soon enough, he would be dead. His eyes rolled up a bit, before he collapsed to the ground, darkness consuming him, and Arthur closed his eyes, not expecting to ever open them again.

[pie]

Merlin sighed in relief when they were gone. Oh thank god, they appeared to be stupid enough to be fooled! "Some sorcerer conjured them," he explained when Arthur spoke, even though he wasn't for sure. "It's the only explanation for the gust of wind that knocked us off." Right? It had to be. Though the sorcerer appeared to have made their way off, thankfully. Summoned creatures could usually be controlled by the summoner -- most of the time, at least. And whether these snakes were any different was something he didn't care to find out about in the least.

He stood up and walked back around the tree, looking down the way the serpents had slithered off down. Hopefully they could get away before the things came back, without encountering any more danger, as danger seemed to follow in their footsteps. "See, I told you we should have--" he stopped mid-sentence when Arthur exclaimed. Having a sudden pit of dread well in his stomach, Merlin turned around to see one of the snakes latched onto the Prince's arm. Great... Not all of them were stupid. "Arthur!"

Merlin watched in horror as the effects of the snake's bite took effect and the man fell. "Arthur!" he shouted again. Great, just great! Now what? Just taking a quick look at him, he could tell that the snake's venom had been poisonous. And if the creatures were magical, which surely they were, the venom would obviously be more deadly than a normal poisonous snake. So was this the point of sending the things in a large mass? Because with hundreds, one would surely catch one of them?

He had to do something, though. The poison, from what he could tell of Arthur's sudden deadly symptoms, would kill the man rather quickly. They obviously couldn't allow that to happen! But how was he to withdraw it? Magic... He knew that magic was the only way. He didn't want to risk his friend finding out, though. Arthur couldn't know. But he was unconscious -- or so Merlin expected -- so he wouldn't know, right? Merlin chewed on his lower lip as he thought frantically. He knew the only options, though...

Risk Arthur finding out, or allow him to die.

He also knew the answer. Arthur couldn't fulfill his destiny if he died, Merlin couldn't fulfill his destiny if the Prince died. And nor would he forgive himself if he allowed his best friend to die because of some simple fear. Pulling a spell out of his memory, Merlin knelt beside Arthur and put his hands above his wound. Recalling the words, he let the flow of magic course through him, "Aberan tha átorcynn, thurh-haele braed," he mumbled, his eyes turning the gold-color of magic. If successful, and surely it would be, it should heal Arthur's wound and remove the poison. He only prayed that he was on time...

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur was not unconscious. Sadly, part of what made the bite of the sep so horrid, was the fact that the victim was really in agonizing pain, and so weak that their eyes would not be able to open. But all of Arthur's senses were in tact. It was almost as if he had been paralyzed to some extent. He was trying to open his eye lids, but they were far too heavy. He knew that soon enough, he was going to slip into an unconscious state and that he would be leaving this world . . . this time, he would not be so lucky.

And that was when he heard foreign words being spoken. Arthur did not have to understand them to know they were some sort of spell. He still however could not open his eyes to the point of seeing who it was that was saying it. Was the sorcerer to summoned those serpents now finishing him off? This was it. Magic would be the death of him at last. So he waited there, helpless against this powerful force who was claiming his life.

But it seemed that the spell did not have the effect he had expected. He suddenly felt a strange wave of something . . . of life. He felt in a very bizarre sense, the poison starting to disappear, giving him an unexplainable source of energy. What was going on? Was this sorcerer -- whoever it may be -- giving him life only to take it away again? No. What would be the sense in that unless he wanted something. Arthur did not understand what was going on.

The only thing that he could in fact recognize was the surge of life beginning to flow in him again. He was alive. He had been . . . healed. But by whom? Who had done this gracious act and what motives did they have for doing it? The effects were nearly instantaneous as he felt himself slowly begin to open his eyes, seeing Merlin peering down in front of him. Arthur did not clue in at first. Instead, he wave of confusion spread over him. "What happened?" He asked him, not yet coherent enough to piece together what was so evidently clear.

[pie]

Merlin knew the spell had worked almost as soon as the words had finished forming in his mouth. And surely enough, Arthur opened his eyes slowly. Even though he was indeed happy about this, he also felt... nervous? He always had that nervous feeling in his gut when he preformed magic with Arthur around. There was always that fear that he would find out, and then that fear about how Arthur would feel when he found out. It was one of the reasons he had never told the man. Obviously at first it was because he was a total prat, but over time, over the course of their friendship, it became fear from the simple fact that everything that happened seemed to prove that magic was evil.

When Arthur spoke, he was at a loss for words for a moment, but he finally found his voice, deciding that Arthur couldn't have known it was a spell that saved him, he had been unconscious, right? So what harm would another lie, do? He had lied to him so many times... Yes, he was a terrible liar, but for some reason, he had always been able to fool the Prince. Guess that came from seeming like a complete and utter clumsy moron... Seemed to come in handy sometimes...

"The snake just nicked your arm," he lied. "You slipped and hit your head, lucky it seems you've done no brain damage." He hoped that Arthur hadn't all of a sudden gotten wise about this, and that his lie would work. . .

[Arthur Pendragon]

"The snake just nicked your arm,"

Yes. That much Arthur could believe because he remembered that particular event occur. It was after that that the details were a bit hazy. Only because he could not see anyone else around. WAIT! Maybe they got away. Arthur quickly go to his feet and looked around the area. No one. He had not even heard them get away. Had they vanished? Sorcerer's did have a tendency to do that.

"You slipped and hit your head, lucky it seems you've done no brain damage."

Arthur turned to look at Merlin. No. That didn't make the least bit of sense. It made Arthur realized that Merlin had minimized his wound, saying that it was a nick, not a bite? No. Arthur knew what he felt and what he heard. The snake had not nicked his arm, nor did he just slip and fall. Why would Merlin say such a ridiculous thing? Was he under some sort of spell. "Was there anyone else here?" He asked curiously . . . even now, unable to fathom the possibility that Merlin, his closest friend, was the sorcerer who had healed him.

[pie]

Merlin watched Arthur stand up and looks around with a forced composed look. What was wrong now? Had he heard something? Or was he just curious as to if the snakes were coming back? That would make sense, he assumed. But... then why wasn't he looking in just one direction? The snakes had only gone one way. Merlin suddenly felt that nervous feeling he had grow stronger. Had Arthur heard him speak the spell? When he asked if anyone else had been here, he blanched, flinching just slightly.

Had Arthur heard him?

What was he going to do? If Arthur pieced this information together, what would happen next? No, he couldn't think on it, he had to speak before he seemed suspicious. This was a normal occurrence... Arthur had asked similar questions before, right? "N-No," he said, taking a deep breath. "There was no one else here but me. Why do you ask? Perhaps you're still confused from the fall, maybe you should sit down?" He just had to play this off like all the other times...

[Arthur Pendragon]

"There was no one else here but me."

This remark forced Arthur to just lock his gaze on Merlin. It was still . . . no. Why was Merlin lying to him? Why would he say things that weren't true? Why would he claim that there was no other sorcerer present when clearly, Arthur had heard one? That was when the familiarity of the voice registered in the Prince's brain. He had been desperately trying to recall the words used, though he could not remember them. He remembered the tone. He had been friends with Merlin long enough to recognize his voice.

NO. It couldn't be.

Arthur looked at Merlin intensely, with more seriousness than he had ever looked at his friend before. He needed to hear what really happened because . . . No. It could not be Merlin. It was impossible. He had been by his side for so many years, surely Arthur would have noticed something. Surely he would have picked up on something. Then again, the only reason he knew that his friend was lying now, was because Arthur remembered very clearly what had really happened. And yet . . .

NO. It couldn't be.

"Merlin," he began, never having been this firm with him before in all the years he had known him. He had never used this stern voice, and looked at him with such a strong expression. "Who else was here?" While the clues made the answer clear, he had to ask again, because he was not ready to accept this. He was not ready to accept that Merlin was a practitioner of magic. Oh please let there be a more logical explanation. There had to be.

NO. This couldn't be it.

[pie]

He knew.

He could tell, way before Arthur spoke, that he knew. Knew that he was lying, knew that there had been a sorcerer here. Knew that that sorcerer was him. He had pieced it together, his lie hadn't been well thought out before, he usually had more time to think up a lie. He should have said that the sorcerer had healed him and ran away, perhaps adding something about a prediction that he needed Arthur alive. But no, he had said there had been know one else here, had told him that he just fell and was nicked. When Arthur had been conscious enough to hear the words of magic.

He knew.

Merlin didn't know what to say to Arthur's intense stare. He had never seen the Prince so serious before directed at him, no matter what he had done. Arthur had figured it out, or at least believed he figured it out. It had to be so. But what was he to say? He had got caught in the lie, how would he get out of it this time? There wasn't a possible way, for despite his claims that Arthur was a clotpole, the man was quite perceptive. Merlin had only lied to him for several years, despite the man being his best friend. What was he to say now?

He had managed to hide his secret for so long, had managed to keep Arthur from knowing even within the most impossibly hard situations. He had performed it nearly right in front of his eyes and still managed to get away with it. Will had died while protecting his secret. Gaius had near died while protecting his secret. Multiple other people had near died because he had kept his magic a secret. He had nearly died because of results of using this magic, and always everything turned out okay.

But what now? What would happen now that Arthur knew? Would Gaius get into trouble for harboring a sorcerer? Would he somehow put his mother at risk? And how would Arthur feel about this? The fact that he had been lied to by his servant, and in all accounts friend, for over three years? Would he suddenly hate him? Would he accept it? Would he want him dead because of it? These were all fears that he felt, had always felt. His biggest worry was putting others in danger because of him, and his best friend finding out.

Being the son of the King who outlawed magic, Arthur had grown up being told that it was evil. Merlin knew it to be otherwise, and sincerely believed it so, but by all situations that they had encountered, magic always, in the end, seemed to be evil. For of course only those who had evil intents would break the law so openly that it would be seen as so. Those who used it for good tended to keep it hidden in fear that they would be executed.

So what would happen to him? He had always used it for good, had always strived to make it so. He had saved Arthur and Uther's lives with it multiple times, had saved Camelot with it multiple times, had saved others with it multiple times. But would it be seen that way? Or would it seem, just because it was magic, that it was used for evil?

He knew.

Still kneeling in front of Arthur, Merlin's calm demeanor broke for only an instant before he regained it. No, he was not ashamed of having magic, it was a part of who he was, it was a gift, not a curse, whatever Arthur might think. He would not lie to him anymore, if that was what Arthur wanted to know. He would not back down from the man's stern gaze and tone even when he asked again who else had been here.

No, he would not run from it anymore...

"I told you, no one."

[Arthur Pendragon]

His lie -- or well not so much of a lie -- confirmed it. And Arthur did not know how to deal with this truth. It made him question so many things. It made him question everything. Every word that had come out of Merlin's mouth had what, been a lie? A man that he trusted with his life, was one who lied to him every day. A man, who Arthur had bestowed his entire faith in, even willing to die for . . . had betrayed him in such a grand way? Arthur did not know what to say. There were no words to say.

So many past incidents began to flood his mind. One of the most prominent ones being Ealdor. He remembered the anger he had displayed when Merlin had kept Will's secret of sorcery from him . . . wait. Had it not been Will? Had it been Merlin? What about the Great Dragon, when Arthur had conveniently passed out and Merlin exclaimed that he had killed it? Was that a lie too? And what about when they had been running from bandits, and Arthur could have sworn he was dying, only to have had Merlin tell him that he tripped and fell? Had that been a lie? What about -----

No. Arthur could not keep thinking such things. He felt his head spinning, all these thoughts, possibilities, questions, racing through his brain. It was overwhelming. It was too much for even the Prince to handle. He had so much to say, and yet could not say a single word. Arthur had been raised to believe that magic was evil, and while he had very rarley seen it used for good, he had to abide by his father's laws. And now, here was Merlin. A close friend, nearly like a brother to Arthur . . . who was a sorcerer. Who, if he was found out, would be immediately burned at the stake. What kind of position had this put the Prince in? One that would have to make him choose what to do with this piece of information.

Did Gaius know? He was rather certain that Guinevère did not know. Wait. Could Arthur even trust anything he thought to be true right now? He would have to question his judgment about everything, because out of all the things he could have guessed, he never would have predicted Merlin, to be a sorcerer. Gaius must have know. This was something that Arthur could be fairly certain of. Or . . .no. He must know. As a previous sorcerer, he must have been able to relate. Except, Merlin was using magic. Using it in a kingdom that had banned it. A kingdom where the King despised anything associated with magic. A kingdom . . . where he was the Prince of.

Arthur was filled with so much shock, so much anger, so much hurt, that he did not even consider what Merlin had used the magic for: to save his life. Had he thought along these lines, perhaps it would have alleviated some of the negativity he had towards magic. But at this moment, all he could think of was how his best friend had betrayed him, every day that they had known each other . . . he had lied to him.

Arthur did not know what to say. What could he say? Nothing. And so, he took a few steps away from Merlin, before turning around and walking away. Not saying a word. Not even looking back to see if he would follow. Not this time. This time . . . he was leaving with an anger he had never experienced before.

[pie]

Merlin had known all along, deep down, that this was how Arthur would react. That he would not be pleased, that everything would seem so.... misconstrued between them. Oh, he had known. And he had feared it. And now, all of those fears seemed to be turning into reality. He could be proud of his magic, but he could never be happy about how Arthur felt. Could he blame him? Merlin had lied to him for so very long...

He had hoped that Arthur would at least give him the benefit of the doubt, would stop to think that perhaps, just maybe, Merlin was different from the others... That there was just that small chance that Arthur wouldn't be angry, would perhaps just laugh it off, maybe not believe him at first, but in the end, still trust him. But no, Merlin had lied to him so much that it didn't matter now, did it? Had lied to him so much that... Did Arthur hate him now?

No, he couldn't lose him as a friend! Did want to lose him as a friend! Where Arthur was angry at him, Merlin felt torn, hurt. He felt devastated only more when Arthur didn't say anything. He would have given anything just for him to say something, do something. Yell at him, threaten him, whatever. Yet no, he didn't do either of those. What should he do? What should he say? Was it possible to even talk to him in this state?

And then Arthur turned and walked away. Merlin felt as if something had torn him in half. His eyes went wide in shock. Why? Why couldn't he have just yelled at him? Why did he have to walk away? Merlin continued to kneel there for many moments afterwards, too shocked to know what to do. Should he follow? Should he stay and let Arthur sort out what he felt? Should he perhaps take a visit to Ealdor and try coming back in a few days? Would he make it better, or would he make it worse?

Finally, he couldn't stand his multiple thoughts any longer. He stood up, and rushed forward a few steps. He felt like screaming at him to say something, not to walk away. Felt like hurling something at him with the very magic Arthur seemed to despise. But, he didn't, instead he finally came to a halt.

"Is that all you have to say? Nothing?!" he yelled at him, and pain could clearly be heard in his voice. "I thought you were different! I thought you were my friend!"

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur heard Merlin's words loud and clear, and said nothing in return. He did nothing in return. He just kept walking forward. He thought they were friends? Yes. Arthur had that exact same thought. But with these constant lies . . . how could he ever trust him? How could he ever believe anything he had ever said to him? Deep down, Arthur wanted to so desperately believe that he had not been totally wrong in his judgment. Merlin had put himself in situations to save the Prince's life. He had nearly died on several occasions, for him. So surely, not all of it could have been a lie.

Or maybe it was. Maybe everything Arthur had ever thought had been false. It made the Prince wonder just how powerful Merlin was. He had the ability to heal him, and that was not something so simply done. What were Merlin's motives?! Why the hell would he stay in a kingdom that had outlawed magic! Not only did he put himself at risk every day just being there, but he also practiced magic, making himself more of a target for punishment. Why had he stayed. No wait, why had he come?! Why had he become Arthur's man servant? Why did they have to become such close friends?

Arthur could not see reason right now. He could not move past the intense shock of this whole situation. Why. WHY?! Why had he done it. Why had he kept it from him? Why hadn't he told him at some point, perhaps not at first . . . but after wards? Would he ever have told him the truth had Arthur not found out by accident? Would he just have kept lying about it? Probably. Most likely. Arthur did not answer Merlin's question. He did not speak a word. He would walk the rest of the way back to Camelot -- as far as it was -- in complete silence. The more angry part of him, hoped Merlin returned to Ealdor and that he would never see him again. But deep down -- even if Arthur failed to recognize it now -- Arthur did not want that to be the case. But . . . how would he ever get past this? Could he ever get past this? Who knows. For now, he just kept walking forward, in angry silence.

[pie]

Still he didn't say anything! Why didn't he say something? Why wouldn't he say something? He was angry at him, so why not yell? Why not tell him to leave, or... Something! Merlin was becoming so frustrated, so devastated. Why had this happened at all? Why did it have to happen? Why couldn't they just continue to live in "peaceful" silence, without Arthur knowing? Why hadn't he told Arthur his secret before?! But would Arthur have trusted him then, either? Would he have done this exact same thing, walk away from him without speaking? Or would everything have turned out okay?

He needed to do something, had to do something. He didn't want to lose the man as his friend, he cared so much for him, and yes... this happened! Why? He still continued to walk away from him without a single pause, without a single word! It would be like talking to a stone wall! Only worse -- this stone wall could remain angry at him for kicking it! He began to follow him again, quickening his pace so that he would come up a few feet behind Arthur.

"What did you expect me to do?!" he asked incredulously, his voice still as torn as his emotions. "You're the King's son! You've grown up hating magic! I didn't want you to hate me!" Oh, just say something! "What did you want me to do?! Arthur, please!" He reached out desperately to try and grab the Prince's arm. "Please, say something, anything!"

[Arthur Pendragon]

"What did you expect me to do?!"

Arthur knew it was a fair question. Well, again, deep down he knew it was. He just could not help but wonder why, why had he bothered coming to use magic and jeopardizing his life?! Being so reckless! Though, he had saved his life. Yes. He had saved his life many times. But Arthur could not thank him for any of that right now. He could barley look at the man let alone talk to him. It was precisely why he kept his gaze forward, moving forward. Just . . . walking. Trying to ignore Merlin, though it was impossible to do this. He wanted to demand answers for him, a further explanation. But he could not. Not right now. Not when everything that Merlin had ever told him was a lie.

"You're the King's son! You've grown up hating magic! I didn't want you to hate me!"

It only brought Arthur's mind back to Merlin's motives for coming. Why had he come to a city -- a kingdom -- that had such severe punishments against those who practiced magic. Why had he befriended the Prince, only putting himself in more danger. Why had any of this been necessary?! All Arthur had ever seen was magic used for evil. there were far too rare occasions when someone actually used it to help another . . . was Merlin the once exception to this? At the moment, Arthur did not plan on forgiving him. When he was angry, forgiveness was the last thing on his mind. He had after all nearly killed his father before in a fit of anger. So right now, he could not see himself ever moving past this. For now, Merlin's questions fell on supposed deaf ears.

It wasn't until Merlin grabbed his arm that the man was impossible to ignore. Arthur aggressively pulled it away, being forced to look at him. His look was as cold as his actions. Never had he thought Merlin would be the one man who betrayed him, as he did indeed still see this as a grand betrayal. What was he going to do? Was Merlin even going to follow him all the way back to Camelot? Arthur looked at him, an icy stare. And then finally, he spoke.

"I have nothing to say to you." His words held no emotion, no feeling what so ever. He could not recall a single time he had spoken to Merlin with this much detachment. Even when they had first met, Arthur's tone had held mockery and agitation. But no. Right now, he could not even joke, or yell, or express anything. So with those words, he turned to walk away again, just trying to focus on getting back to Camelot.

[pie]

Merlin hadn't expected Arthur to have such a... cold look about him. When he pulled away from him, he flinched, freezing in place. Arthur really was angry with him, and it hurt. Throughout the years he had been at the Prince's side, he had stood by him in the worst of situations, and had never planned on doing otherwise. He would have continued to stay at his side no matter what happened, no matter what was going on.

But something so simple as his secret being revealed had ruined that. Why did it have to be so? After everything the two had been through together, this had to be how it ended? Would it end? He had expected Arthur to be angry when he found out, had expected the man to possibly even hate him, but he had thought... that after all they had been through, maybe, just maybe, Arthur would be able to easily forgive him. That maybe, Arthur was the friend he had hoped him to be for all these years. He should have known better.

When Arthur pulled away, he wasn't able to react. He just stared at him with shocked eyes, the icy look on his -- friend's? -- face holding him in place. And when he spoke, the words seemed like a dagger to his heart. Nothing to say? Nothing at all? Couldn't he yell? Voice his angry emotions at least? Let him know what he was thinking? Something...

He had never seen Arthur so indifferent with him. He had thought the man hated them when they first met, or in a hundred other situations, but no... never. How was he to react? What would Arthur do if he followed him back to Camelot? Would he tell Uther? How would he explain this to Gaius? He had just wanted to save his life, not let him die! Didn't that account for anything?

No, because he had lied to him all these years. Hadn't placed enough trust in the man that he had called his best friend. He had feared that he would hate him because of his magic, that he would tell Uther. Never had he just said "let's chance it" and told him, and who knew if he would at all? Until Arthur became King, or until a situation really called for it, who knew if Merlin would ever have told him? But that didn't matter now, as the secret was out.

Nothing to say...

Did he even want him to come back to Camelot? Right now, Merlin wasn't sure if he even wanted to himself. What would he do? With Arthur not wanting to speak with him, how could he walk around Camelot, when all of his memories there held mainly the Prince? Would he even have his job? He wouldn't want to even show up in fear of how Arthur would act, or that he had been expected just not to come anymore.

These feelings of doubts and fears invoked another emotion in him. Anger. He was angry about this whole thing, that Arthur didn't understand that he would only use his magic for good -- for he was sure the man was thinking otherwise! -- and not for evil. That Arthur wouldn't even speak to him!

"You arrogant prat!" he yelled angrily, walking after the leaving man once more. "You complete and utter clotpole!" Usually he was joking when he said these things to the Prince, but now he was not. "What do you want me to do?! Leave?! Because I will! Just say it already! I know it's what you're thinking!"

But he didn't want to, and he knew it. He didn't want to just leave behind all those friends he had made in Camelot. Yet right now, he was so angry that he would probably be able to get half-way to Ealdor or more before he thought twice about it. Right now he was convinced not to use magic for good -- oh how he would love to make one of the tree branches fall on top of the man!

[Arthur Pendragon]

For Merlin to insult Arthur was not uncommon; just as it was not out of the ordinary of Arthur to insult Merlin. It was part of the teasing involved in their friendship. Of course, the very first time he had met Merlin and he insulted him, Arthur had him imprisoned for it. But after that, he had gotten more used to it. Merlin's criticisms were usually followed with Arthur throwing something at him, which varied between random dishes, pillows, shoes, or whatever else he could get a hold of. Yes. This was the way it usually worked . . . or used to have worked.

But the way Merlin said it now, Arthur knew he was not joking. In fact, he didn't even care that he was being insulted and being called names. He was not going to say anything in return. What could he say? He was not in a joking mood. He did not feel like humoring Merlin right now. He knew there was a seriousness in his voice and he did not plan to shrug this off. It was not a matter that they could laugh through and move on from so easily . . . if ever. Arthur just kept walking, not even turning to see if Merlin was moving any closer. Would he return?

His next comments somewhat answered his question, though they didn't confirm anything. Yes, he did know him well. He probably knew what Arthur was thinking, it would not surprise him. They knew each other well . . . then again, not. Arthur felt he did not know Merlin any more at this point. That the man had put on a facade from the moment he entered Camelot. Of course, Arthur did not want to believe this so there was still that deep rooted doubt. But on the surface, it was all he could think about. That, and what he would say to his father. He had lied to the king before on many ocassions, and Arthur knew this would be no exception. He had lied for far less and this was a major matter. If he told his father, Merlin would undoubtedly be arrested, and burned at the stake. And anyone else who knew -- most probably Gaius -- would he be punished alongside him.

That was when another thought occurred to Arthur; those times that Merlin had taken blame for something related to sorcery . . . had it been true? Arthur remembered very specific instances, such as when Gwen had been arrested, and Merlin claimed that he was the sorcerer. Arthur had thought it was because his servant had fancied Gwen, but right now, he was re-evaluating everything. Incidents such as these would be arising in his mind, and each one would be another painful reminder of just how much Merlin lied to hmi over the years.

Arthur knew that he would come back to Camelot though . . . for Gaius, for Guinevère, for those friends he left behind. He leave right now, but he knew he would come back. Arthur did not know what he would say to him, how to even talk to him anymore. Every conversation would be difficult; every second that Merlin was in Camelot would mean it was a higher risk of him getting caught. But that had not seemed to stop him in the last 3 years . . . why would it now? Bitter and angry, Arthur still did not answer his questions. He knew what he was thinking, and he would act on it in what way he thought fit. So, he just kept walking forward without turning his head behind to give Merlin a second glance.