Confessions By Firelight [Lancelot | Merlin]

[em]

Merlin prodded the stick into the ground, his thoughts all in disaray of everything that had gone on for the last couple of hours. The tension in the air that had been present as Arthur and Lancelot made polite conversation round the campfire had now dissolved, leaving only silence and the crackling of the ever dying fire.

Gwen had decided to get some rest after her ordeal – rightfully so. Arthur had also followed sometime after and now both were asleep. Lancelot had opted to stand guard incase any of Hengist’s men sought them out as an act of revenge. Wilderin were awful creatures, bad sight yet they could smell human flesh from a mile off! He didn’t dare think of their experience underground where Arthur had summed them up as ‘giant baby rats’. One had even licked his face!

Merlin’s thoughts went back to the tunnels leading out of the castle. He’d seen Gwen and Lancelot give one another a look. It had only been the day before that Arthur had admitted having feelings for Gwen – he too had also seen this moment between the pair. He must have done, because he’d made up a rubbish excuse earlier about how Morgana had begged them to go. Everything had been just socially awkward for him and now, being alone - Merlin could relax.

He could see Lancelot just through the trees and decided now was the time to get up and join him. He hadnt had the chance to properly speak to his friend since their escape.

“Are you alright?” he asked, stepping over upturned roots to reach where he wanted to be.

Tagged: Lancelot
Timeline: S2 – Lancelot and Guinevère
Setting: Early Evening, in the forest after escaping from Hengist’s Castle [/color]

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It had been a strange trip from Hengist's castle, on their escape, to this glade in the forest, Lancelot thought to himself, as he stood guard over the approaches to the camp. Indeed,the whole sequence of events since he had spied Gwen, playing that she was Morgana and sitting next to Morgana, had been strange.

They had always been friends, hadn't they .... well .... as much as you can be friends with a royal like Arthur, but there was something different .... what was it. It was right as they escaped the castle, and he had just found out that it was only Merlin and Arthur that had come to rescue them .... no knights ..... and Gwen had grabbed his hand and smiled up at him. He had then turned to thank Arthur, but Arthur had given him such a non-response to his thank-you and had such a strange, almost pensive look on his face. What did it all mean?

Lancelot had probed over its meaning as he has walked back with Gwen, holding her hand part of the way, as Arthur and Merlin had walked ahead of them some distance, apparently not saying much. That wasn't a surprise, really. They wanted to put as much distance between themselves and Hengist's men as possible. Finally, though, they had made a place to make camp. One would have thought there might be some relief at the escape, but there was still an underlying tension. Between that and the answers that Arthur gave as to why it was just he and Merlin did not answer things satisfactorily. Something did not ring true, Lancelot thought, about Arthur disobeying his father and coming just because of Morgana's begging him to rescue her servant and friend.

Quickly enough after Arthur's explanation, Gwen had gone off to sleep, none too happy it seemed to Lancelot, and Arthur followed soon after, and Lancelot had volunteered to stand watch, while Merlin stayed near the campfire. Lancelot took up a spot that was easy to defend, while staying within site of the campfire. The fact of the matter was that he did not want to sleep. He wanted to stay awake and think, think about what all this meant. In many ways it didn't make any sense at all, and he shook his head, and was still doing so as he heard someone come up behind him.

“Are you alright?” he heard, and even without turning would have known it was Merlin, his friend. Merlin had known, he thought, from the beginning,the attraction that Gwen had had for him. "Yes and no. I'm still confused ..... about Arthur and many other things. Is it true that Arthur came to rescue Gwen just because Morgana begged him?" He noticed that Merlin looked down blankly .... and then continued ..... nodding his head, "He has feelings for her doesn't he?," he said coming to a realization that had never occurred to him before.

[em]

Merlin said nothing. Could he tell Lancelot that Arthur was in love with Gwen but wouldn’t admit it? The Prince seemed to not know his own feelings himself let alone do something about them.

“What about you?” Merlin asked, avoiding the question, “Do you have feelings for Gwen?”

Gwen seemed to be the attraction of many men at the moment. Merlin had seen her face when Arthur said Morgana had begged him to look for her. She looked crushed, angry, in disbelief. Merlin knew that Gwen wasn’t stupid, and that she was most defiantly torn at this point. Her expression when she looked at Lancelot during their escape seemed to be a genuine one. He’d seen it, so had Arthur – that was most likely why Arthur had fibbed. He just didn’t know what he wanted.

One question remained though; did Gwen have the same feelings for Arthur as he for her? Earlier everything seemed to have been spoken for, but Merlin wasn’t entirely convinced. He was more confused than anything. He leant against the tree trunk and waited for Lancelot to reply. If Lancelot did admit his feelings then what? Would he return to Camelot? Or would he leave? It all rested on two possible answers. Yes or No.

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It just did not make sense, Lancelot thought to himself .... thinking back to the look that Arthur had given him when Gwen had reached out to hold his hand ..... unless ..... Perhaps, he was reading to much into the actions of others, after all, so much had happened in a short time.

But no, it was something else, something that he had never thought about, that had not even crossed his mind as a possibility. After all, Arthur was a noble, that major stumbling block to Lancelot for him ever being Knight of Camelot, or anywhere else for that matter. And she was just a common girl, though a very uncommon commoner. She was the daughter of the man who had been a blacksmith and sword-maker, until he died, and she was a servant to Lady Morgana, the ward of the King. Her father, in fact, had died as a result of an action of the orders of Arthur's father. Why would she find an interest in him?

However, no matter how Lancelot logically wanted to attack the question the final result came back around to them. Lancelot had been gone a long time. Much, he reasoned could have changed between Gwen and the Crown Prince. Apparently much had changed. They were both friends of his, Gwen and Arthur, and as far as Lancelot thought, friends were those, as well as family, that you would be willing to lay down your life for. He had done as much for both, as well as Merlin. He had just as asked Merlin, so that his mind could be put at rest over the issue, "He has feelings for her, doesn't he? "

Merlin, he noticed, sidestepped that question and asked one in return, "What about you? Do you have feelings for Gwen?” Of course Lancelot had feelings for her, but it was likely, or at least possible, that Arthur's and Gwen's feelings were as stronger or stronger. He was the man who would be his king, who led the Knights that Lancelot still considered himself to be a part of. How could he do that to his friend and sovereign .... it was almost traitorous to interfere. And wouldn't Gwen be better off, perhaps happier, with Arthur than himself. What could Lancelot offer her except a life of a wanderer. She was a Camelotian, and she needed to stay where she was. It was he, Lancelot, that didn't fit in this picture, and never would. It was up to him to make the move.

"My feelings do not matter. I will not come between them. Tell Gwen .... Tell Gwen that she has changed me forever ..... but some things cannot be." Lancelot stuck his word into the ground, let out a huge sigh, and leaned back against the tree. he wondered what Merlin would have to say to all that, or if he would have anything to say at all. Or was Lancelot's only option, now, just to walk away. It was not something that could be talked about, openly was it? That wasn't something that any of them were prepared to do, was it? And what did it mean for the friendship of the four of them, was that also something that could not be, any longer? Lancelot longed for Merlin, perhaps his only true friend, to say something, in favor or against.