Guilty Pleasures

[Arthur Pendragon]

When he felt her lips on his, it was as if all the pain suddenly vanished from his body. And all he could think about was how her gentle touch made everything better. How she made everything better. His thoughts were in tune with hers; nothing could become of this. But . . . he loved her. He wanted to kiss her, embrace her. He wanted her to be the first person he saw when returning from any journey, and the last person he saw before he left. Eventually, the guilt would set in -- as it always did -- for this woman not being his wife. He had not seen Elena for weeks, yet, not seeing Guinevère for days made him miss her more than his own wife. When she pulled away, he tried to raise his head to prolong the kiss for just a few more moments. But when it ended, he rested his head back against the board of his bed. When she said she was worried about him, Arthur tried to give a reassuring smile, but it didn't quite come out as he wanted it to.

She asked how it had happened, hearing her concern in the words . . . but he wanted to spare her the details of the attack. Knowing that they had limited time before her son returned. And he wanted to take advantage of this. So for now, he ignored her question. Instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the favor. He held it in his hand, using this hand to take her hand again as the cloth rested between their skin. "I never stopped thinking about you," he told her as he pulled her towards him for another kiss. A slightly more passionate one, but no where near building up to what they knew could never be. He just wanted to kiss her . . . even if this was for the last time. He wanted her to know that he could and never would stop thinking of her. That during every moment, she was constantly on his mind.

[Guinevère]

When he pulled the cloth out of his pocket she had to look at it a moment before she knew what it was. Years had gone by, so many of them and yet he still had this?! Admitting that he never stopped thinking of her, and the kissing her again made tears come to her eyes. "Arthur!" She whispered between kisses, knowing she wanted to tell him how she felt. "I love you."

She knew they had little time but she wanted to use every moment the had. Her hands brushed his hair back as she kissed him again and again. Finally she pulled back and looked at him. Wiping the tears from her cheeks. She loved him so much, and things could never change. Never be between them. Ever. "I could have lost you."she whispered sadly.

[Arthur Pendragon]

He heard his name and the three sweetest words that could possibly come from her lips. He did not have a chance to reply, for they were still in intimate embrace, and he didn't want to change that. He just had his eyes closed, pretending like this was the world they were in. She was his sanctuary; all the peace that he could possibly find lay within her. Her presence; her words; her touch. How could he have given this up? How could he have known all this and yet, walked down the aisle for another woman. Everything would have been so much better; so much brighter had he married her. Had he fought for her; for them. It would forever be his biggest regret . . . not claiming her as his wife. When he felt her pull back for the final time, he finally opened his eyes, to see her own filled with tears. "I could have lost you." He raised his hand to gently wipe away the tears from her eyes, allowing his finger to just gently caress her cheek for a moment.

In a way, he felt like he had already lost her. That he had lost her years ago, and now just had recently found her again -- despite the complicated circumstances. There had been that fear that he would never see her again. Her. Not his wife, but her. Guinevère. He leaned forward a bit, lowered his hand from her cheek and instead, lightly kissed where her tears had once been. Kissing them away. "I love you Guinevère. Know that. Remember that," he whispered. Always. Whether he lived or died. He needed her to remember how much he loved her . . . because that would be his dying wish. To tell her one more time how much he loved her. He had wasted two years not telling her how much he loved her when he had developed feelings for her. And then these past years, he dare not admit. But now, when he thought he may never see her again, he needed her to know.

[Guinevère]

When he kissed her tears away she gasped softly, the emotional need behind him actions having far more affect then his simple kiss. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her but knew this wasn't the time nor the place. It never would be. "It is because I can not forget, that I can not let you go." She whispered, knowing it was far more then she should ever say.

It was in this moment she heard Thomas running down the hall. She pulled back and wiped her face better, before looking down at his leg. A few seconds later Thomas ran in with a arm full of bandages. She said nothing as he hurried over, not trusting her voice. "Everyone is in a hurry down there!" He told them excitedly.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"It is because I can not forget, that I can not let you go." Arthur closed his eyes for a moment. He wanted to say so much more . . . embrace the passion of the moment -- despite the pain in his leg and shoulder. It seemed to be numbed by her words and kiss. He leaned towards her lips once more, but hearing approaching footsteps caused him to quickly move back, opening his eyes and pretending that everything was alright; that everything was normal. He looked at the young boy as he had his arm filled with bandages, saying that everyone was in a hurry. Arthur knew he couldn't stay here for long then. He needed to get back down there and see all the damage that had been done. "Thank you Thomas," he said, for having brought what they needed.

"Guinevère, do what you can please. I need to get back down there." All he needed was a proper bandage to his leg and a sling for his arm. That should do it. He once again, moved to sit up better, subtly tucking the cloth back into his pocket so that it would not raise Thomas's curiosity, especially since he was the one who had brought it to him. "I don't think Thomas should see this," he added in a lower voice to Guinevère, not wanting Thomas to see the blood that he knew was coming out of his leg. It may be a scene too gory for a young child.

[Guinevère]

"But I am going to be a knight!" He protested, but Guinevère took his hand and pulled him slightly from the bed. "You are. Which is why I trust you to do something. If anyone knew the king was injured, it could cause trouble. So I need you go down to the kitchens and ask for willow bark in a powder. Find Alex, and ask him. Tell him I asked for it. He will help you. Speak to no one, and tell no one what we are doing here. Use the back steps, and don't go to the main hall. Can you do that for me?" Thomas nodded and looked over at Arthur before turning to hurry from the room.

To Arthur spoke, "It will take him almost half an hour to find Alex and let Alex grid it. That should give me time to tend the leg before he returns." Walking back over to the bed she looked down at him, knowing that he would know what she asked for willow bark was something to make one ease the pain and sleep. People put small amounts in tea in cold weather to ease aching bones. "Your not going back down there Arthur, the wound will need time to heal."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur stayed silent, but he did not want to sleep into the night. There was too much to do. Knowing he shouldn't have come to his room for a rest, he could not find himself regretting have come because . . . he had gotten some time alone with her. Even if it was just a few moments, even if they knew nothing could happen. She had still been the one he'd long to see upon his return, and he had been granted that opportunity. He just continued to stay quiet, relieved to hear that Guinevère had explained to Thomas to do this with discretion. To not tell anyone that he was up here. It would give him a few moments to gather himself, get his wound quickly treated and then return to his duties. When Thomas was out of the room, Arthur finally looked at his leg, trying to shift the fabric that was a bit stuck to it due to part of the blood having tried and causing it to stick.

"Your not going back down there Arthur, the wound will need time to heal." He appreciated her concern, more so because it was coming from her. But he couldn't just sit here, not knowing the status of his men, and the full aftermath of the battle. He took a deep breath, looking at her, not wanting to argue with whether he should stay or leave. Nor did he want to wait for the medicine because it would cause him to become drowsy. "I need you to do something for me," he began to say. This time, it was nothing intimate. It had to do with his injury. "I dislocated my shoulder," he went on to say, now answering her earlier question pertaining to what had happened to his shoulder. The more he let it remain in its position, the harder it would be to put it back. And if he could just it popped back into place, then it would allow the healing process to begin.

It was not life threatening enough to require immediate attention, but she was willing to help him, and then with this out of the way he could focus on his leg, and then go. "I will need your help putting it back in place, if you can." He of course wouldn't force her if it was something she was uncomfortable with. But he knew she had enough strength to snap it back in its socket. The sooner her got these wounds tended to . . . he needed to get back down there. He didn't have time to allow it to fully heal. He just needed his chainmail off, his shoulder back in place, a proper bandage on his leg and he was good to go. This wasn't the worse injury he had suffered; just another battle wound. Another scar.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère watched him try to pull the fabric from his leg and she moved her hand over his, "Don't!" She told him in a soft voice. "I will get the warm water first and let it soften the skin and remove any dried blood so I don't have to pull it off and hurt you more." So nothing stuck into the open cut. She hoped it was no deep for them it would need stitches.

THAT was when he asked something of her that made her belly roll. He needed help doing what? No one had done that for him yet?! WHY not?! How long had he been in this sort of pain?! "Wh-what do I do?" She asked, going to do it but was afraid to hurt him, and of feeling the bones moving as such under her hands. Yet she would do it because if she did not then he would be in more pain.

[Arthur Pendragon]

He had instantly stopped moving over his cut when he felt her hand over his. He also knew that he tended to be a bit impatient when it came to others tending to him, but her logic was sound. And it was not as if he wanted to remain in pain. Besides, once his shoulder was properly tended to he would have a bit more mobility . . . or at least not be distracted by it so much. However, he sensed her hesitation in doing this. She seemed worried over performing such a medical procedure and he of course fully understood. Knowing it was a lot to ask of her, especially seeing how uneasy she was by it. "If you can not, then don't worry," he added, again, not wanting her to feel pressured into doing it. He knew that if he went down there and it was still not in place, then he would not ask another to do it for some time. Just as had been the reason it had taken so long for him to realize what needed to be done.

Because during the entire journey back, he'd been too distracted by the men more severely injured. "If you can, then I need you to help me remove my chainmail." He would guide her, having done this on his men in camps when they were in battle. It was just a matter of placing ones hands in the right position, to give the proper angle and then be able to just snap it back in place. He was also trying to stay focused on the task, trying to remind himself that she was just his nurse and nothing more. But after everything they'd been through, and everything he felt with her . . . he knew that keeping these professional roles established, was nearly impossible. And that the only thing that prevented him from doing anything too intimate, was the fact that her son could return at any moment . . . rather than thoughts of his own wife.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère didn't like the idea of doing it but she wanted to help him, more then she wanted to ask him to wait until Gaius could come. "No, I can help you." She told him, and he went on to ask her to remove his armor. That was something she'd done a few times from long ago. Such as when he had gone to see Morgause and come home in a rage. Looking back she knew that the witch had aimed at him killing his father, and was more then glad that she had failed.

Guinevère moved so her hands could reach the locks and ties of the different armor over his chainmail. She pulled each part off with care and ease, moving slowly as to not jostle him and cause him any pain. She removed anything in her path as well, such as his gloves. When he wore his chainmail and she knew that it would be near imposable to get off with out his arms raising and thus his causing him pain she paused. "H-how do we get this off of you to easiest?" She asked, knowing the words could be taken in a different light but knowing that neither of them would think it was any other reason the trying to help him.

[Arthur Pendragon]

He gave a small nod when she confirmed that she could help him. He felt her begin to unclasp the necessary areas so that eventually, his chainmail could just slip off. Even removing his gloves for him. Which he would need when she put her shoulder back in place. He recalled the few times before that she had done this. At the time, he could not help but think that it felt like something a wife would do for her husband. Now, he knew it was not . . . even though with her, everything would still hold that element of intimacy. Something he could not ignore; something undeniable. He watched her move the necessary pieces of armor he had on, until she got to a point where she asked an extremely relevant question. "H-how do we get this off of you to easiest?" He would have to brace himself.

With his shoulder out of place, it would be easy to maneuver it. Painful, but not too difficult to move. "Just, pull it off as quickly as you can," he told her, taking a deep breath to brace himself for the pain that was about to shoot up in his body. He did not miss the fact that she had removed everything else with so much ease and care; her touch gentle and tender. But she would just have to literally yank this off, if he was going to get it off at all. He sat up a bit more so that she would be able to easier reach it, prepared for not even what was going to be the worst.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère took a few deep breaths while trying to calm her nerves to be able to do it. She was so afraid of hurting him that she almost could not do it. She had not been in the room when they did it to Thomas. Gaius asked her for water and she'd gone to her room to get it and heard it. Running back they all were looking at her, and she knew that he;d only asked that of her so she could not have to watch.

She lifted the bottom par up slightly making sure it was not going to get caught on anything. She moved closer toward him, but then desired to move back a few steps so she could do it easier. Wait, maybe closer was better? Finally she took a hold of it and spoke to him, "I'm sorry!" before pulling ti over his head as smoothly and QUICKLY as she could. "Arthur!?" She called to him, dropping it as soon as it was free from the bed and looking at him.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"I'm sorry!" Arthur closed his eyes, held his breath and -- BLOODY HELL! He was not sure how, but he managed not to let out a sound of agony as the intense pain surged through his entire body. Not even feeling limited to the shoulder anymore. Had he bitten down on his tongue any harder, it would have started bleeding. He was definitely going to need to bite down on his glove later. He could hear the panic in her voice, calling his name. But he felt dizzy from the tremendous pain. He took his hand and gently placed it on his shoulder, as if touching it would somehow make the pain of it more bearable, when really it did nothing to help. He put his head back against the head board of his bed for a moment, keeping his eyes closed and trying to catch his breath. Feeling it accelerated, and aware of how much worse it was going to get.

She would have to do it through the padding because there was no way in hell he was going to be able to tolerate that painful movement again. Not fully catching his breath, he knew stopping now would only make it worse. He sat up again, using his good arm to show her where to position his hands. "Just, put one hand here, the other here." He paused, still attempting to control his voice. "Push the lower area, while pulling the top with as much force as you can." Now was not a time to be gentle. He needed her to do it in one strong move. He reached over for his glove, putting it in between his teeth, closing his eyes once more, and nodding his head for her to just do it, not wanting to drag this out any longer.

[Guinevère]

She saw him in pain and she covered her mouth with one hand and her belly with the other. When he could speak again she feared it twas too soon to try this. He looked like he was in too much pain for her to cause him more. She wanted to shake her head no and RUN for Gaius or someone to help her and do it for her. She knew that she would not make it past this next one with out tears coming.

But she also knew she had to be strong for him. Closing her eyes for a moment and taking a few deep breaths she moved over toward him, and put her hands where he asked of her. She paused, looking at his face for a long moment. Almost too long. Finally, she leaned over to kiss his head and then with all the might she could muster up, she did as he asked of her. She did cry as expected, and while she hovered close, she did not touch him afterwards. She had felt everything though her palms and she wasn't sure she'd ever forget it.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Words could not explain how painful the next few moments were. He could feel the bone in his shoulder snap back into place, letting out a loud popping noise as well as a bit of a crack. She had done it. But Arthur was too consumed with pain to thank her right away. Instead, his eyes were tightly shut as his entire body clenched in pain. He bit down on the thick leather of his glove, feeling as if it was not enough. A wave of nausea rushed through him, not quite making its way past his throat, as he was able to control it. His eyes however could not avoid a few tears from forming in them. They just glossed over as he forced them back, not allowing any them to trickle down his cheeks. As soon as her hands were off him, he fell back against the headboard, trying to control his breathing but it was even heavier than before.

His eyes were still closed, trying to regain his composure over the horrid agony that left an intense aching in his shoulder and arm still. He raised his hand to slowly pull out his glove when he knew he was not going to yell anymore from the pain. Only a few moments passed by until he opened his eyes once more, slowly and weakly turning his head to look at her. "Thank you," he said in a rough whisper, his voice hoarse from the entire injury and its method of treatment. When his vision became more clear, he noticed that she had tears in her eyes . . . suddenly feeling horrible for having made her do that. And yet, was still trying to compose himself enough to apologize, just giving it a few more minutes.

[Guinevère]

"I'm so sorry!" She whispered out, as he removed the glove he'd been biting on and thanked her. THANKED HER?! She'd just caused him this pain and he wanted to thank her? She knew she'd helped him but it had not been gentle. Surely Gaius would have known a way to do ti that would not have caused him greater pain! She'd just done it and he'd looked as if he nearly fainted!

"Sorry!" She said again, still afraid to touch him but more afraid to move away from him. The knowledge that he was in this much pain was killing her! It was why she was crying! Arthur was hurt and she wasn't sure how to ease the pain. Cleaning his leg would cause him more but it had to be done. That was another reason she was apologizing.

[Arthur Pendragon]

She was apologizing. He hadn't wanted her to apologize. This was enough for him to swallow away his last expression of pain as he reached out his hand to gently take hold of her arm, pulling her slowly towards him. "Don't apologize," he told her, his voice coming out only a bit stronger now. He had made her apologize and cry. Two things that he felt terrible for doing. "I should be the one saying sorry," he added, not have realized how much he was asking of her until he saw her reaction to it. He had done this before, but he should not have asked her to. He had waited the entire ride back to Camelot; he could have waited a bit longer for Gaius to come and aid him. He shouldn't have asked this of her.

But . . . there was nothing that could be done about it now. She had helped him, and for that he was immensely grateful. "I'm grateful, for I know it was a great deal to ask." He didn't want to minimize or trivialize it. She had done something well out of her comfort zone, even as a nurse. She had helped wounded men, but never like this . . . yet she had done it for him. He knew it should not make him love her more, but it did. Everything she did made him love her more. And made it harder to accept the reality of their situations.

[Guinevère]

She move forward, making sure not to jostle his injured side, to frame his cheeks with her hands and kiss him. "If you were not injured, I'd shake you!" She kissed him again, "That was horrid! How did you bare such a thing for so long?" She asked in a frightened and relived tone, pulling back and leaving only one hand on his cheek.

She stayed like that a moment before letting that hand drop, "I am going to go get the warm water and start on your leg. rest for a moment." Her voice was softer now, more at ease but there were still drying streaks on her cheeks were tears had been. She looked at him a moment longer before she turned to hurry to get the water Thomas had left by the fire.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Coping with the pain absent of medicine as not easy . . . but her gentle kisses made it so easy to ignore the pain, and only focus on her touch. He closed his eyes while feeling her lips on his. Enjoying the moment and temporary relief it gave him. She pulled away too soon, but soon her lips found hers again. And before she pulled away the second time, he leaned up to lengthen it, wishing it would last longer -- always wishing it would last long. He at least still felt her hand on his cheek as he opened his eyes, and softly smiled. A kind of smile that he could give no one else; other than her. For she brought out the best in him. He did not answer her question, but just continued to softly smile, looking at her as he raised his own hand to lightly brush against her cheek.

"It was worth it." Because it meant he could spend time with her; it meant that he could have a kiss or two from her. He would bare it for twice as long, if it granted them this opportunity to be together. Even if it was just for a few moments. For it was times like this that he cherished, though he knew he should not. When she informed him that she would get the cold water, he let his hand fall from her cheek and watched her walk away. He sat up properly, not letting himself slouch helplessly against the bed, and trying to move his leg so that it was at an easier accessed angle. This would not be as painful for he has had wounds cleaned before. And he knew what a gentle touch she had.

[Guinevère]

It was worth it!? Guinevère returned with the warm almost hot water and looked at him with open confusion as she sat the bowel down beside the bed, "HOW is this in any way worth something?" She asked, not knowing what he was calming was worth it. Was it worth beating back Odin's men? It would only lead to more fighting! How could that be worth it?

How was any amount of pain worth something? Surely he of all people knew that pain was not worth the outcome. Even small amounts of pain. Still she trusted him enough to not think he was crazy, surely there was something besides winning a battle against Odin that would be 'worth' this pain!