A Contemplative Night (Brynn)

[thegwaine]

Gwaine was sat with an ale, but it was a more contemplative drink than he was used to. It had been a long few days, and no one would have known why it had affected him so much. It had felt so strange, dream like even, to see the man who had condemned his family to poverty to be cut down at his feet by Arthur like he was nothing. The King of Caerleon was one man who Gwaine could never forgive, but at the same time was it right for him to be cut down in such a rash way? Gwaine knew better than to question Arthur’s authority, and he wouldn’t assume to hold a position to question him; even if they were quite close.

Now there was talk of peace with Caerleon and Gwaine wasn’t quite sure how he felt about it. He probably still had family there, unless they had moved on. Of course it was better the two nations were going to be at peace, but he could still never forgive the actions of the late King. He had essentially condemned his mother and brothers to a life of poverty after declining to help them financially after the death of his father. It still stung in Gwaine’s stomach, it was something he could never let go of. It was what had spurred his hatred of nobles for so long. Though that view was waning with the more time he spent in Camelot, it was still there deep down.

Gwaine took another sip of his ale, ignoring the giggles of a pretty young barmaid who was collecting the glasses. Usually he would be the first to jump up and take the opportunity, but tonight he just didn’t feel like it. He had been there ready and willing to fight the army of his homeland in the name of King Arthur, he had been ready to take his revenge for his father. But would it have achieved anything? Would he have felt any better for it? Probably not; fighting was never a good method for revenge, any idiot knew that. But still, he had felt it at the time, he had been ready to enact his revenge upon the Kingdom which had ruined his family and robbed him of his father.

Of course none of the other Knights had known this. Gwaine couldn’t imagine anyone having made the connection between himself and Caerleon, he had only really told Merlin about his past, and even then it had been a long time ago; he probably didn’t remember. He groaned to himself, it was too noisy in here; he couldn’t think. Pushing away his drink to now rather happy looking drunk he got up and left the tavern. A few heads turned in surprise at his sudden and premature departure but Gwaine shrugged it off; he couldn’t be bothered with this, not tonight.

He walked out into the cool night air, the sun had only just dipped beneath the hills and the first evening stars had began to start showing in the clear night sky and Gwaine looked up at them briefly. It certainly was quieter out here than it had been in the tavern. Couples and the occasional peasant brushed past him, as if he wasn’t there at all. He didn’t feel like himself at all. He began to walk down the streets of Camelot in a quite quiet mood which was unusual for him, occasionally looking to the side of him as more people began to brush past him. Honestly where did all these people suddenly have to be? Or was evening in Camelot always this busy? He was usually in the tavern so he never really noticed.

Tags: Brynn
Timeline: After 'His Father's Son'
Location: The streets of Camelot
Time of Day: Early evening
Music: Lily's Theme- Harry Potter OST

[Brynn Reade]

What a fickle thing time was indeed, Brynn wearily thought as she slowly strolled through the dark streets of Camelot by night, her hand running idly over wood and stone as she let it trail behind her. The days that had passed ever since she had found Alex dead had felt like a lifetime, and yet they had passed so quickly she hardly could believe it was now all a month ago. A month without him. At first she had not thought to survive even a day. But of course she had, she had lived on, as the days turned into nights and into days again. Somehow, life always found a way to continue, and it had shown Brynn more than anything who her true friends were. Apart from her family, not many had seen the unbearable pain hidden behind her usually calm mask, and had continued on with their own lives as soon as they thought Brynn managed exceptionally well. Only a selected few had seen she did not, and they had carried her through the first, horrible days.

To one she owned her life in particular. Gwaine. Even though they seemed miles apart by status and also character, he had been there when she needed him most without knowing it. He had shown to be a true friend, keeping her from making the worst and last mistake of her young life.
Yes, even though Brynn still missed Alex terribly, she now knew it had been a mistake, had known it the second she had seen that Dorocca charging towards her. Giving herself to death was only the easy way out, it might end her own pain, but it would cause so much grief to her family and all that were left. And Brynn had seen enough of grief to not wish it on anyone. Life always moved on… somehow.

Brynn did not even know why she took up her nightly strolls again, strolls she had often taken with Alex, hand in hand, if only to escort him to his home in the lower town. Maybe it was wrong to still follow old habits, when now the most important part was missing, but maybe it was also Brynn’s way to cope with her loss. In these evening hours, she still felt close to her love, as if he was still walking beside her, even though her hand now was not held by anyone, but trailed loosely behind her, touching rugged stone walls and scraggy wooden sheds. She passed other, still happy couples on her way, but her eyes had turned blind to them. She was caught up in herself, not content, but as much at peace as she could be concerning the circumstances. She didn’t even shed that many tears anymore, only before sleep took her into its gentle arms, it still could happen.

But once again, something managed to pull her from her self-absorbedness, some face that had flickered past her, idly strolling like herself, and something about that vision she had subconsciously noted did rub wrong. So she turned her head and just saw a familiar figure pass her by, a rather contemplative look on his handsome face. Not that it suited him ill, but Brynn had never seen Gwaine as a worrier and thinker like her before; shouldn’t he be in a tavern right now?
Even though she would have liked to continue on her memorial stroll, she was still curious and concerned. Had something happened?
Turning on her heels, Brynn made a step towards her friend, and asked in a soft, low voice.
“Gwaine…? Is everything alright?”

[thegwaine]

Gwaine looked down at his feet and began to aimlessly kick a few rocks that were in his path. He watched how far the rocks reached as he continued to walk on. The wind ripped through the street, and instinctively he pulled his scarlet cloak around his shoulders. He was now more used to being addressed as a Knight of Camelot. The transition had taken long enough, and he did sometimes still enjoy walking round in ordinary clothes. It gave him that sense of just being Gwaine, without all the fancy knightly titles; he could just be a face in the crowd from time to time. However, Gwaine being himself, and his knightly outlook were becoming more or less the same. He now longer kept the two lives separate. Now he was just Gwaine, knight of Camelot and part time drunk and flirt. It certainly was what made him happy.

Or it was what usually made him happy, because of course it had been his duties as a knight which had brought him face to face with the King of Caerleon; the man who had changed Gwaine's life forever without even realising it. He wondered if the man had even remembered his action all those years ago, and the repercussions of it. His fists clenched up slightly; Caerleon had had everything, and Gwaine's family had been left in poverty. His father had given everything to his king, and his reward was a shallow grave and a broken family. Gwaine had been certain the King had been undeserving of his father's loyalty, which was why Gwaine had promptly left Caerleon. In all his years of wandering he had not once returned to his homeland.

He coughed slightly and continued to walk aimlessly, but a soft voice tore him from his thoughts and he looked to his side, almost confused that someone was talking to him. When he realised who it was, of course it made sense. He smiled down at her and nodded, cocking his usual grin at her; well when all else failed... "I'm fine," He lied, "As I've told you before, no man could help but be alright when in the presence of such a pretty lady." He rubbed his hands together, it was after all quite a chilly evening. Of course the way to mask up his true feelings was to charm his way out of this. He wasn't about to burden Brynn with his problems; she had enough to deal with at the moment. "And how about you Brynn? How have you been?" He had not seen her as much as he would have liked to following the Dorocca attack; he'd been busy with his duties, but perhaps now he could make up for lost time.

[Brynn Reade]

The sheer fact that Gwaine was out here at this time of day, seemingly aimlessly wandering the streets instead of drinking away whatever irked him happily in the tavern, in the company of some barmaid or two, told Brynn that there was indeed something wrong. If it even made Gwaine lose his sense for fun, there had to be something grand and heavy on his mind. But what would it be?
Well, the whole of Camelot had been in quite the turmoil over the last few days, and a happy ending like it had turned out to be, had not been very likely. Somehow Arthur had managed to turn a war into an alliance, fragile as it may be. The people of Camelot had welcomed him back as the hero he was, but Brynn was not so ready to shake off the dread she had felt at seeing her father marching off into war. He would have fought for Camelot, and he would have fought bravely, but the odds of him returning had not been working in his favor. In the end, it was only one person winning every war: Death.

Was he being shaken by this as well? Brynn knew it was not true that soldiers and knights had no fear of battle. They simply knew how to deal with it, accepting that death was part of their vocation. And Alex’ death had shown that you need not carry a weapon to be striked down by a foe of Camelot. His death had been as pointless as would be any death, whether ‘justified’ by a feud or not.
Then again, Gwaine had often ridden into battle or on a dangerous mission before, and he had always returned the same cheeky flirt as he had been before. As soon as the horses had been taken care of and he had been able to get his leave from Arthur – or sometimes even without it – he had visited the next tavern.

His words may sound like always, but Brynn was still convinced he was not his usual self. There was something missing, but she could not put her finger on it.
Before Alex had died, Brynn might have reacted with a blush to being called pretty, but lately she had found she really couldn’t bother. Not that she had got many compliments over the last month anyway, but it somehow fit. She only smiled rather wistfully and slightly shook her head.
And then he asked about herself. It was obvious he wanted to shift her attention away from him, but as far as Brynn was concerned this would not be happening, not if she did not get something in return. This way out was too easy for him, he could not get away with it. Not to mention that she also didn’t want to talk about her feelings.
”If I told you I am fine, would you believe me as little as I believe you?” she asked with another weary smile.

[thegwaine]

Gwaine wasn't quite certain if he was going to enjoy the fact that Brynn was here or not. He didn't really enjoy people seeing the side of him which wasn't his regular self. Not many had seen him at his lowest, and he was after keeping it like that. He had seen Brynn at her lowest, he'd just held her in the fields for what had seemed like hours, just willing her to calm down. Although Gwaine's grievance was a lot less overt than Brynn's had been, it still cut deep, and so he just managed a bit of a smile at her, and gestured for her to walk on with him.

Of course she wouldn't leave him even if he asked her to. Gwaine already knew how stubborn Brynn could be with such things. Perhaps she would even see a task such as this as some sort of payback. Gwaine didn't need any of that, he had looked after Brynn in those hours following Alex's death because he cared for her. Not in an intimate way, but more in a sisterly way. She was a dear friend to him, and Gwaine was sure that Camelot wouldn't feel half as homely as it did if he hadn't have met her.

He ran a hand through his hair and chuckled at her question. She certainly knew him better than he had given her credit for. It was strange, Gwaine would have thought that after all these years he would have been over the betrayal of King Caerleon towards his family. However, it was quite the opposite. As he had grown, so had his hatred towards nobles and the upper classes in general. He had rejected that life because he had seen how ugly it could be. Gwaine knew that he could never be the kind of man that Caerleon had been; as a young man he had been determined to never let himself end up like that. That was why he had turned into a nomad, that way he could just be the man he wanted to be; rather than the man he was expected to be.

Turning back to his friend, Gwaine shook his head. "I suppose we're both terrible liars." He jested softly but wiggled a finger in front of her face, "Though it was no lie that you are a pretty young woman." Although she wouldn't deter her advances on those words, it was important to point that little bit out. "It's just been a long few days." He admitted softly and gave her a gruff sort of smile. She wouldn't be satisfied with that, it was Brynn after all, but he wasn't about to start outpouring all his grief onto the young woman's shoulders. Jesu, she had enough to deal with. "How have you been holding up? And answer me honestly Brynn."

[Brynn Reade]

Ever since Gwaine had be there for her in that horrible moment after discovering the dead bodies of all members of Alex’ family, including him, Brynn had yearned for a chance to repay him his awkward consolation. Was that moment coming now? But of course, if Gwaine did not want her consolation, she would not press it on him, she was not that kind. If he wanted her help, or even just an ear to listen, she would give him that.
What had upset him that much? She almost guessed it had to be something personal, as she had not witnessed any changes in his knight friends, at least not at passing them by in the courtyard this afternoon. They had seemed glad the war was averted, like was everyone else. But what ‘personal’ thing could it be?

Even though she liked Gwaine a great deal, and had come think of him as some sort of honorary brother, Brynn had to admit she knew next to nothing about him as a person. She remembered the ruckus he had caused quite some time ago with his first appearance in Camelot, after having been brough there injured. What Brynn knew were snippets of vivid rumors from the kitchen and the odd word even her father had lost on the subject. Gwaine had surely been the talk of the town back then. When he had left, no one had imagined to see him ever again, but he had returned, at Arthur’s side and ever since then been a knight of Camelot. What he had been doing before that and where he had come from eventually, Brynn did not know and until now it had not really fazed her. Now, however, she wished she knew more.

At least he admitted now he had been lying and gave a vague explanation. The previous days, yes they had been trying for sure, but somehow Brynn still was not satisfied.
”Well, then I thank you, so you can stop pointing it out.” She retorted to his repeated claim of her being pretty, but then turned serious again. “I see…” she murmured, heaving a sigh. “Coming to an almost-war with another kingdom must be trying for sure. But… it had not been your first fight, yes?” She left it at that, but with an audible question in her voice, indicating she did not find this explanation very explanatory at all. But she was not the type to pry openly. If he was intent on not telling her what ailed him, she would accept it.
He asked about herself again, indicating he, too, had not been satisfied with her vague answer. As she slowly walked beside him, Brynn struggled to put her feelings into words. She had never been particularly good at that.

”I… I’m taking it step by step, I guess. Trying not to look at the bigger picture but to live every moment. It makes it more bearable, and the days pass sooner. But… it’s still hard sometimes.” A month was nothing, Brynn knew that. It would take much more time to really get over Alex’ death. But contrary to the beginning of the process, she now knew she would make it… someday.

[thegwaine]

This wasn't the best conversation to be having with anyone. It wasn't just because he didn't like talking about his feelings with anyone else, living up to the male stereotype, but it was because of the context of the whole event. No one in Camelot, save Merlin, knew of his true background. Many had just assumed he was a typical knight, with the typical knightly background. He hadn't even really told Brynn about his past. He doubted that anyone would really understand his true background and how he had come to become the man he was now. That wasn't him being arrogant, no, he felt like he was just being defensive, he didn't want to burden anyone else with his problems.

He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. Jesu, he had been in enough fights and bar brawls over the years to stop combat bothering him that much. Of course large scale warfare, like that which had been threatened the other day, had more of an impact, it still hadn't bothered him that much. That was probably because it hadn't come to anything luckily. "No, my first fight for Camelot was against Morgana last year." And what a baptism of fire that had been.

It certainly wasn't warfare that bothered him in the slightest. In truth he was surprising himself that such an issue was getting under his skin so much. "Wars are ugly, but luckily this did not come to anything." They had all returned to Camelot as hero's, but really there had only been one hero of the day, and that had been Arthur.

Gwaine hadn't expected Brynn to be all singing and dancing following the events of last month. He would have been quite surprised if she was anywhere near healed yet. Of course on the surface of it she could seem quite fine, and be getting on with her life, but underneath it well, lord knows what could be going on in that pretty little head of hers. "You'll pull through," He said rather confidently, "It'll get easier with time, but I bet you're sick of people saying that to you huh?"