The King Has Returned . . . [Arwen]

[Guinevère]

"You said that he was a trusted friend of yours," "Yes," She whispered, "What name did you know him by then?" "No," She whispered again. She wasn't going to tell him until she told him what all Emrys had done for them. "First I want to tell you about the man, and what all he has done for the kingdom and our family."

Because it was important for him to know Merlin came out of hiding to save his daughter, and went public to world to save his son. Looking up at the wall, were it was broken she pointed at it, her hand dropping almost right away as if she didn't want to think of it. "I remember that night . . . the patrol guards found a few dead guards, and the warning bells went off. I had Anna with me, in the gardens. She was just over a year old and not sleeping though the night. It was warm and, we were on the bench in the butterfly court."

But that wasn't the story. "By the time I arrived up here, were I thought Anna would be safe . . . . I heard his scream." Her voice shook and there were tears. "Amaren's screams."

"He was almost three." Just a baby really, even compared to him now, "By the time I arrived in his room with the guard, we found Morgana over him. She was taking his blood for something. said this would ensure no more Pendragon heirs. . . . Then Emrys entered the room. Morgana knew him but didn't know of his powers."

She was still looking at the damage wall, "Her body guard that was with, hit just there as Emrys' magic made a swift end for him. Alex was with me, and moved forward while Morgana and Emrys fought--pulling Amaren back and out of the room."

"That was the day Emrys stopped hiding. We all retreated to the throne room, locking the doors and trying to stop Amaren's bleeding. The servant's door doesn't lock, and Emrys used that to get too us, and heal him with just words. One moment we were fighting for his life and the next Amaren was awake and with out pain!"

"Morgana's magic caused the doors to explode open and there was a fight right there between them. Eventually Morgana turned tail and ran. Instead of giving chase, Emrys stayed with us."

Looking at Arthur finally she hoped he took this too heart. "I know we both have reason to hate magic, but it save our daughter, and our son . . . and myself upon one later occasion." That was a story for another date, "It has saved many men's lives while Emrys as used it too keep us safe. He uses that name more so then the other one now. Only his friends really call him but his birth name."

"I appointed him court sorcerer, a few days after that. Made it public that we trusted him. Morgana . . . . we didn't hear from her for months, almost a year. She'd afraid of him. Very afraid."

[Arthur Pendragon]

It seemed that he was not going to get a name. And that only worried him further. Was it one of the knights? He found the idea so difficult to fathom, but he was trying to think of who it could be that she felt the need to keep defending and explaining. Or was she just trying to defend her decision to appoint a court sorcerer? Either way, he wasn't sure. He just listened to her begin to explain. Though as she began, he knew where this was going. It was going to explain the scar on Amaren, or at least one of the attacks on him. He wasn't sure his heart could take this. He hadn't asked, because he did not want to know right now. He still had not moved past Anna's near death experience; he wasn't ready to hear of his son's. But Guinevère just kept going, and he looked away from her, his eyes downcast to the ground. That overpowering feel of guilt consumed him once more. Guilt for not having been there. Guilt for making Morgana so bitter than she took it out on his family. Guilt . . . for so many other things. He wanted to tell Guinevère to stop. He knew his son was alive and well, but that didn't make this story any easier to listen to.

He didn't want to hear the details, and knew it was cowardly of him, but he wanted to just be a coward in this moment. He wanted to pretend tonight, that his family was not under constant threat. And hearing stories of the past did not help. A story with such details that he could practically hear Amaren's scream. He could see Morgana hovering over him. He could see the blood pouring from him. He could see the terrified look on Guinevère's face. He closed hie eyes for a moment, trying to control these tormenting thoughts and images that raced through his mind. He didn't want to hear anything more. He wanted to protest, but his throat was dry and no words came out. He just listened silently, letting her finish. He knew the ending was not a devastating one, for Amaren lived. It was just that painful realization of what he had been through. What a three year old child had been through . . . something that no child deserved. It also just further proved Morgana's cruelty, and made Arthur wonder how he had been so blind to it for so long. So oblivious. What kind of person attacked a child like that? An innocent, defenseless child? Though, clearly not all magic was used for evil.

As she went on to explain that Emrys had saved their son. As he had saved their daughter. Why did he do so? Was he just so loyal to Guinevère? Why had he been hiding such strong powers for so long? Well, he knew why. With magic still having been outlawed, it made sense that he didn't want to expose himself. Especially if he was so close to the queen. But to hear that Morgana was afraid of him gave him slight hope. That his presence would be good enough to cause her physical distance from here. No wonder she sent spies and minions to do her dirty work. He never would have called her a coward, but knowing all that she had done . . . she was the biggest coward he'd ever known. Hiding behind children being one of her greatest reasons for being so. "I know we both have reason to hate magic, but it save our daughter, and our son . . . and myself upon one later occasion." Arthur's eyes fled to her and he looked at her, a soft pleading in his eyes. A silent beg for her not to tell him what happened to her. Not yet. He couldn't handle another story about how his family had been threatened. Not yet.

He would find out later, but not right now. Not while Anna and Amaren's story were piercing his heart with pain. He wouldn't be able to endure a story about Guinevère being in danger. Of knowing that he had failed to protect her, just as he had failed everyone else. That he had to rely on a man who's identity he didn't even know yet. When she was done, he stayed quiet, just registering all the information she had presented him with. Finally, he spoke, his eyes returning the ground in front of him. "I lost both my parents to magic," Arthur began to say. "And magic has threatened and endangered Camelot for so long, costing the lives of many people." He paused again, before looking at her once more. "But, it has saved the lives of my family. I do not believe everyone who uses it is evil." He had at some points, but he'd slowly softened his attitude toward it. Especially now. "Tell me who this man is, that I owe a debt of gratitude to." He needed to know. If only to make an effort to get to know him, and thank him for all he has done.

[Guinevère]

There could be no more stalling. "He's had many names, Emrys, . . . Dragoon . . . " That would tell him allot, "Do you not know?" She asked him, "Arthur, who else is so loyal to you that they would fight for your family when you could not be here?" Merlin, "Who else would protect them when you could not."

"A friend of mine they will always be--a brother. . . but more so to you then I." She moved to she was before him, her hands taking his into her own and making him look at her. "Someone Morgana would have known as well." She wanted him to think, and have an idea in his bead before she said it.

"He's a good man, Arthur. He has never stopped fighting by your side for a moment. Even when you were not here, he fought for the ideals you believed in." . . .

Please! She prayed, please, let this be ok. "Arthur, It's Merlin. He came foward and out of hiding the day Anna needed him most, and made himself public when Morgana grew too bold. We could not call him Merlin and kingdoms take him seriously. Everyone knew of your man servant. So he took on the name that the Druids knew him by, from even before he was born. His father was a dragon lord, and . . . . I can tell you more but . . . " It might already be too much.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Dragoon? As in . . . that old man who had falsified an enchantment to save Guinevère? The same old man who had killed his father? Arthur was confused. He had never seen this old man in the castle, nor was he a trusted friend of Guinevère. But she continued to speak to build it up. Who was so loyal to him? Who would protect them when he could not? One of the knights . . . but how could it be an old man? He didn't quite understand that, and the more she spoke, the more confused he was getting. A friend of hers . . . a brother to her . . . a brother to him? Who was this man?! Dragoon was no brother of his. He still, to this day, blamed him for his father's death. For betraying the trust Arthur put in him. For taking advantage of a vulnerable son who would do anything to save his father. He watched her as she moved to sit in front of him. His eyes were filled with curiosity and, worry. It was as if she was truly bracing him for this. It had to be one of the knights. Who else would she speak of so highly? Who else would Morgana know? Was it Elyan? Percival? Gwaine? Good gosh . . . Leon?! A man he had known all his life?!

Arthur could no longer take the anticipation and wanted to tell her just to tell him. He was subconsciously holding his breath, waiting for it . . . waiting for it . . . waiting "Arthur" for "It's" it . . . "Merlin." Arthur looked at her. Suddenly completely void of any emotion showing no sign of reaction. He could easily have been a statue in this moment. Not blinking. Not speaking. Not thinking. Nothing. He just stared at her, completely emotionless. Never had he felt so . . . numb. As if there was not a single thought in his head, nor emotion in his heart. He didn't know how much silence had passed nor did he care to ask. Suddenly, he burst out in a fit of laughter. He laughed. A kind that was made at clearly such an inappropriate time. He didn't even know if there was emotion in it. It was not a laugh that suggested he disbelieved it. It was just a laugh . . . almost maniacal. He didn't think he'd ever laughed so hard in his entire life, and knew that was for a good reason. Because, this was not a good kind of laugh. He laughed so hard that tears began to form in his eyes. He didn't even know what the tears were from.

They were just there, not spilling over, but his eyes glistened with them. And just as quickly as the random burst of laughter had erupted from him . . . it began to slow. His laughter became less strong and slowly, declined, in a drawn out way. The laughter became slightly more strained, slowing. Feeling as if something was suddenly caught in his throat, it was almost as if he was choking; choking to catch his breath, as he cleared his throat a few times. His subsiding laughter went to him trying to catch his breath some, trying to clear whatever was in the back of his throat that felt like it was hindering his breathing. There was no more laughter. His body began to heave a bit, as if he was on the verge of having a panic attack. He was breathing, apparent from the way his chest heaved, but he also felt like he was suffocating. His gaze became unfocused, just looking off to the side at nothing in particular. His hand went to hold the the hilt of his sword tucked between his belt and shirt. He gripped it so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He didn't even know why he was holding it. He didn't know why he was laughing.

All he knew was that she had told him that Merlin was the sorcerer. And he believed her. And he didn't know how to react to that.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère was still there before him when he started laughing, and slowly she backed up. Fearful of what this meant. She'd never seen him react so, and her eyes went to the door as if looking for help but she knew that no one was there to help her. Everyone was gone. Everyone.

Watching him as his laughter turned to an almost panicked breathing she feared what was happening! was he suffering? Would this kill him!? Would she loose him again?!! Her hands shook as the fear took over and she reached for him but stopped, as his hand went to his sword and had it in a death grip. Blinking back a few tears she watched him, trying to decide on how to help him. "Arthur?"She whispered, loud enough that he would be able to hear. she wanted to go near him but was afraid.

Finally she forced herself to move closer, and her hand moved to his over the weapon. "Let go!" She whispered a soft command, not as a queen but as a wife. She needed his hand away from the weapon! She needed to know he was alright and not leaving her (mentally as well as physically) in this moment. "Please!"

[Arthur Pendragon]

Somewhere in his mind, he knew that she was talking to him. But he didn't register the words. He was far too distracted with the revelation she had just made. That Merlin . . . Merlin . . . MERLIN, was a sorcerer. Was Emrys. That all this time, he had magic. That all this time, he had been lying to him. Day after day. To his face. He had been lying to him. He had kept something so grand from him. Just as his father kept the truth of Morgana from him. He knew in this moment, that he did not know Merlin. That he knew nothing about him after all. That all the things he had told her, were insincere. He was the son of a dragonlord? Balinor? Right. Balinor. That time in the woods. When he had been acting so strange. Arthur wasn't sure why this one particular thing stuck out in his mind. Perhaps because everything else was absolutely racing through his chaotic mind. All the thoughts rushing through it, that it made him feel nauseous.

Like he was about to fall over from everything suddenly spinning around him. His hand continued to grip the sword, now slightly trembling with undefined reason. What was she saying? What was she pleading from him? Arthur didn't know. His mind was overloaded with two words. It's Merlin. Merlin. His friend; his brother . . . the one man that he trusted above all others. Kept such a grand truth from him. Ealdor. Had that been him who used the wind? So many various thoughts rushed in his mind, unsure how to separate them, and it overwhelmed Arthur. To the point where he could no longer relax his body sitting like this. He abruptly shot to his feet, taking a few steps away from her. Not even having realized her hand had been on his when he rose to stand. His hand was still on the hilt of his sword, as if he could physically remove it. He took a few more steps away. His back toward her. His breathing still heavy. He suddenly turned to look at her.

"Where is he?" Arthur's voice came out cold . . . never having spoken to her in such a tone, even if it was not directed to her, but caused by someone else. He wasn't being rational, and in time, he would know that. Because if he was, then he'd realize that she didn't know where Emrys was. That he had already asked her this question and she'd given her honest explanation. Right now, the only thought that hit him was the possibility that she was withholding it from him in order to protect Merlin. Afraid of what he might do if he found him. Then again, he was a powerful sorcerer . . . Merlin. Was. A. Sorcerer. Never the less, Arthur stood by his question. He planned to find out where he was, and then ride out to find him. To confront him about this. That irrationality also causing him to forget that he was supposed to be in hiding, that he didn't actually want to leave his family. All he could think about was the fact that . . . Merlin had magic. Merlin was a sorcerer.

[Guinevère]

He stood up so suddenly that Guinevère fell back a few steps but didn't lose her balance. He walked a few feet from her and she found her self backing away. More toward the door. She was afraid, and didn't know how to read this Arthur.This angry one. He turned to look at her and she stopped, as if caught in her actions.

"I don't know." She admitted to him, knowing that she had told him that before. As far as where Merlin was, she wasn't sure and didn't have an idea. Gaius was missing, he'd taken her knights! She didn't know what his plans were but she knew that she trusted him. Unconditionally.

"If I did, I would not tell you. Your angry, and you can not even let go of your sword. You need to adjust to this. Then when he returns, we can be adults. We can talk about all this." And let no one get hurt!

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur knew he believed her, yet he couldn't seem to accept her answer. He was so clouded by the hurt from Merlin's constant lies . . . for years! Years he had lied to him! He had lied to everyone! "If I did, I would not tell you." In his current state, he fixated on these words which only fueled his anger. But he knew the logic behind them. She was absolutely right. He was in no state to see Merlin right now; he did need to adjust to this. He needed time and he needed to be calm and . . . he just didn't know what to do. He couldn't control his words or his actions, for he felt as if he was about to explode. "You wouldn't tell me?" He repeated, as if he couldn't believe that she would not tell him. But again, knew how illogical he was being right now.

He could not stop himself though. How had she reacted when learning about this? "If you do not tell me where he is, then I will find him myself." That either way, he would find him. He would ride out to search for him. Perhaps half way there he would realize how ridiculous he was being; looking for a man who could be anywhere. But right now, that was all he seemed to be able to concentrate on. Finding Merlin. Confronting Merlin. Dragging him back here, or dealing with him out there. Either way, he was going to go. She could just make his journey less long if she told him where to find 'Emrys'.

[Guinevère]

He was going to ride out? He was going to go looking for Merlin?! No! She refused! He'd made promises to his children and she would not let him break his word! Not to them! Not after she had given them hope! "You will what, Arthur? Ride out? Steal a horse and disappear into the night?" Leave everyone wondering if he would even make it back alive . . . again.

She knew that her next words were cold, but she wanted him to remember that there were two things in this word, more important then his discovery of Emrys. "What shall I tell your son when he awakens? That your gone? What shall I tell your daughter? That you are sorry you promised to be here, but that you could not stay?" It was low, but she was not going to see the hurt on their faces! "Would you fight every guard and knight in your way? . . . Because I a not going to ask them to let you past!"

"YOU made promises, Arthur Pendragon, and I am sorry you are hurt! I can't imagine how hard this is for you to hear but you told those two little children that you would be here when they awoken and I will NOT stand by them as they see you make a lair of yourself!"

She pointed at him, "Don;t you dare leave!" After a pause she yelled at him, "DON'T YOU DARE EVEN TRY!" She would not order them men to hold him back, but she was hoping his love for this children would. She might not be enough, but they better be. There were tears on her cheeks that she didn't remember falling. After a moment she backed up again. Before turning and walking to the door, biting her lips from the tears. She didn't want him tog o but she had nothing in which to stop him with.

Walking out she paused outside her chamber door, before turning away and walking further down the hall to the King's Chambers. Shutting the door she walked over tot he window seal and sat down, watching the court yard below and PRAYING she didn't see him walking down there.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Needless to say, Arthur had not been expecting such a reaction from her. He was angry from Merlin's lies . . . but she seemed even angrier by Arthur's words. He had never heard her speak to him in such a way, and it did not anger him further. It just made him stare at her with hardened surprise. But it was the words that slowly brought reason back into his mind. Slowly -- very slowly -- reminded him why he had to stay. Why he was here. To be with his family. Though he said nothing, for these thoughts had yet to fully seep into Arthur's mind. He was still overcome with the shock that she was throwing his promises back at him -- knowing she had the right -- and that she was practically forbidding him to ride out after Merlin. This was the Guinevère that was queen. It was not the one he knew, but the one that she had to become. Then again, he was not the same Arthur. He'd been risen from the dead and bombarded with one thing after another. They had both changed so much. And yet, were the same with each other. He had no time to react to her words.

For she stormed out of the room leaving him standing there. He hadn't even realized that his grip on the sword had eased some. He'd been too caught up with her harsh and cold words. Knowing, that she had every right to say them. But he just . . . just needed to find answers. He could not even wait a day for them. He needed to know now. He stepped out of the room and went back to their . . . her bedroom. He fully intended to see his children one more time and then set out to find Merlin. When he stepped inside the first thing his eyes instinctively searched for in the room, were his children. Suddenly, it felt as if every thought of anger was pushed out of his mind. For one glimpse at them, and he felt that solace once more. He went over to the bed, watching them sleep so soundly and peacefully. He knelt down next to them, his hand brushing back some of Anna's loose curls that covered her forehead. He felt his breath slow, from its heaving anger to a steady pace. His heart beat slowed as well, calming down from all the rage he had just felt. He wasn't going anywhere. He knew that. He would not be able to leave them.

He carefully took Anna's hand in his, gently kissing it. "Forgive me," he whispered. It was not enough to wake her, the action was not even enough to stir her. He just slowly put her hand back down. Forgive him. For leaving them before, for not being here when they needed him . . . and for almost leaving them again. He had always thought he could be a good father for it was what he'd always wanted . . . but tonight proved that he could not be. It proved that his judgment could become so easily clouded and prevent him from being near his family . . . he let his anger get the better of his emotions. And it had not been the first time. Unsure of how long he had been looking at them, he rose to his feet, needing to clear his mind. And knowing Guinevère would be back any moment. Not even thinking about where she had gone. Only that she knew he had left the room to get away from him. He not only failed as a father, but also a husband. He turned to leave the room, gently closing the door behind him, only now realizing that one of the guards had been sitting at his table the entire time.

He'd not even paid attention to him. And the other guard stationed outside their door just gave him a look before he walked down the hall. He knew where he needed to go to clear his head. A place that Guinevère had a set up; a attributed room to his mother, father . . . and him, apparently. He wanted to go there to feel close to his mother and father. To just sit there and let their memories fill him with comfort . . . because every day, he missed both of them. However when he opened the door and stepped inside, the first thing he noticed was Guinevère, standing there, looking out the window. She had come here to get away from him, and he had come here to clear his mind. And now, they had both found each other again. For the first time in all the years he'd been with her, he felt awkward. Awkward, because he didn't know who he was anymore. He was seeing how she had changed, but he was so confused as to who he was. A man who had come back from the dead, and thrown into a life he was no meant to live any longer.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère heard the door open behind her and she turned only her head to look. Seeing Arthur there, she looked back slowly toward the window, letting out the breath she had not even known she was holding. He had not left yet! That was something! She didn't know if he planned to leave still or not but for the moment he was here!

She could not bring her self to look at him, for she was fighting the weakness to beg him, or almost worse, order him to stay. She wanted too, and had he been anyone else she would have done so. But this was Arthur. The more the silence grew, the less she knew how to break it. The more worried she was that he'd only followed her to ask something of her to make it easier for him to find his friend.

He'd made promises to his children! In this very room she had told him her fears with that--or close enough. She wanted to remind him again but could not speak. Not like that to him again. Wipeing her cheeks once more she finally turned to face him, keeping her arms wrapped around her protectively. Her voice was low, and soft as she spoke, not throwing anything in his face, but more trying to make him see reason.

"You said you saw the scar on your son. Before you seek out Merlin, you should look at it again. . . . You would not have a family, nor a kingdom to return too with out him. I don't know where he is. I can't help you." If he was going to leave, she wished he'd go. Before she broke down before him.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"You said you saw the scar on your son." He did, and every time he saw it, it would break his heart. "Before you seek out Merlin, you should look at it again." Arthur couldn't. Because, he knew that Merlin had saved his family. It was more the lies he had kept from him. Though the gratitude he felt toward him was strong in his heart. It just had not been what surfaced. He had already felt indebted to Emrys . . . it was just the fact that Merlin had lied to him for so long, that made him feel angry and hurt. "You would not have a family, nor a kingdom to return too with out him." The harsh reminder of what had happened in his absence. What had happened because he could not prevent it. What had happened because he wasn't here. It was too much . . . and he didn't want to hear it all over again. He was still dreading to hear her story, of how she had been in danger. "Stop," he said in a low voice, his eyes falling to the ground in shame. His word was more a desperate plea than a harsh command.

"Please, just . . . stop." He didn't know what or why he was asking this. He just needed her to stop telling him of everything that went wrong, even though he knew he needed to hear it. He was a coward. A horrible coward, who could not even face the truth of what happened to his family and the kingdom that he loved so much. "I don't know what this is." What this world he had entered was. He didn't know who he had returned as. Who he was meant to by, how he was meant to be . . . was he a husband? Not from the way he had acted tonight. A father? Not from the way his son looked at him with skeptical and uncertain eyes. Was he a king? Not from the way his men ignored and dismissed him, and the way he was so helpless to do anything to better his kingdom and help the people. "I just can't bare hearing any more of what happened to everyone I love." Her. His son and daughter. Anyone who was hurt because of Morgana's wrath, or another enemy. Anyone who was hurt because he was not here to protect them, as he always promised he would be.

[Guinevère]

"Stop . . . Please, just . . . stop." She had not really indented to say more, but his words made sure nothing came out in the spur of the moment. That she did not attempt to fill the silence again with words that she knew would hurt him. She was officially afraid of loosing him. Afraid that even if not tonight, that he would ride out and not come back.The reminder that she could not hold him to her, like she held her children close was the reminder that one day he would leave again.

That he would be facing dangers again. That she and the children would loose him again.

She only prayed that he didn't break his promises to his children tonight. "I just can't bare hearing any more of what happened to everyone I love." She should not have told him so much so quickly. She knew the look on his face and wanted more then her next breath to go to him and hold him. To give him one of her good memories, something to make him smile.

But she was afraid. Afraid that he was still planning to ride out tonight. Afraid to open herself up to that. She had to be strong! She had to make sure she was strong for the children, and find that detached part of her again.

So she said nothing, and waited while he regained his composer, and to find out why he sought her out. Had he? The guards would not have told him where she was at. That was when she remembered where she was. This room held his armor, and his weapons and everything he might need to seek out Merlin. Oh. Pain hit her so hard that she could not hide the tears that filled her eyes but they at least didn't spill over. Was this why he came? To dress to leave them?

Should she leave? Stay and watch him?

[Arthur Pendragon]

He saw her eye blur with tears and was not sure what had caused them. The way they were now? They had grown separately, and not together . . . and he hated whatever tension was so thick in this room that it prevented him from going over to her to hug and kiss her. He remembered the early days of their marriage. How happy they were. How perfect everything had been. How he could not keep his hands off of her, and could not stop telling her how much he loved her. They had waited so long to be together, to only be granted a year before they were torn from each other again. And now, thrown back into two different realities . . . not even sure how to act around one another anymore. It was devastating. She was a queen that Arthur never would have expected, and he was a man who could not even be sincere in his promises for one revelation, and everything shifted in his mind.

This was not how he had wanted to spend his night with her, or the children. If this was his last night . . . then he had truly wasted it. "In all the years I've loved you, I wanted nothing more than to be with you, to protect you." If this was indeed his last night, he didn't want her to doubt these things. He was never good at speaking what was in his mind and heart, and even though she had made it easier on him . . . it felt like he had taken ten steps back in this progress. "I have missed five years of that. And knowing what has happened in this time, pains me more than I can say." He was trying to explain why he could not bare to hear anymore. Because he loved her so much, and he had not been here for her or the others. He could not control his death, but he felt the guilt regardless. Why was he brought back now? Why five years later? Why could it not have been a day, or week, or month? Why so long?

[Guinevère]

That didn't quite sound like a goodbye. His words instead broke her heart. She had not expected him to worry about breaking his promises from tonight to her, only to their children. She had been more focused on them. Hearing him speak of their relationship now, broke something in her. The walls he had been trying to built, the detachment she had been summoning broke.

The tears finally feel over, and she found her shoulders shaking as her hand came up to cover her face. She didn't know if this was the beginning of a goodbye, or an apology, or just him talking about how everything was hitting him too hard too fast. She could not tell any longer. Forcing her gaze up to his, she knew that she could not wait before finding out.

"Are you leaving?" She asked, in a sad tone, holding her breath for the answer. Afraid that he had come for the armor, that even with him looking less rageful, that he was still set on seeking out Merlin.

[Arthur Pendragon]

He had not meant to make her cry more. He was just trying to explain what was in his heart. This time, it was not just about the children. It was about them. It was about how their marriage had not ended up to be what they dreamed it would. How they would never get their happy ending. He had missed so much; the pivotal moments in the life of a husband and wife. He could do nothing to get those moments back . . . and he feared that it was what had caused such a rift between them now. Her tears and his reactions further proved that. Because ordinarily, he would not have thought twice about rushing to her and holding her close to him, keeping his arms firmly around her until her tears eased. This time, he did not rush toward her. Instead, he still a small cautious step to her, the distance still great between them.

He wasn't sure what to do; because he didn't know what she needed. Most of tonight they had focused on the children. That had been the major points of their conversation. Even kissing her, it had been in the room with the children. Now, they were alone. And he was speaking of their relationship. And it seemed that alone with him, she had her guard raised; that detachment he had seen before. That only when around the children, or speaking to the children did she lower it. Because he knew, that this was not how she usually was around him. That he had caused her to yell at him, lash out . . . and he knew he had deserved it. But never, did he think he would push her to it. And it never would have happened if they were the same people they had been five years ago.

"Are you leaving?" He had planned to. He had gone to their room to see their children one last time before riding off . . . but ironically, it had been seeing them that stopped him from doing so. For it was then that her words truly sunk into his mind, and registered enough to be the logical ones to follow and comply with. "No," he answered softly, not taking another step closer to her. "I don't want to ever leave." But this could be something that was out of his control; completely out of his hands. "I want to be here with the children." He paused for a moment, taking another small cautious and reluctant step toward her. "I want to be here, with you." He knew he had said that several times tonight, but he could not say it enough.

[Guinevère]

"No," Her shoulders shifted as she visibly let out the breath that she had held after asking that question. The relief on her face clear. "I don't want to ever leave." "Then don't," As if it was that easy! She knew it wasn't but she wanted him to be here, and fight to be here! "I want to be here with the children." Yes! He needed to be here for them! They needed their father and needed him around!

He'd made promises to them, and they needed to hear more promises from him! They needed to build a relationship on more then seeing him fight off the bad men and then an hour in their chambers speaking softly with each one. He should fight to stay with them! To get to know them and love them and-"I want to be here, with you." That made her bit her lips again, and her eyes to water.

It felt good in her heart to know that he still wanted to be with her. She knew shew as different, she was no longer the girl he'd fallen in love with, but she still wanted him to love her. She moved forward at a hurried pace, until she was close enough to reach out and grasp handfuls of his shirt, before getting close enough to bury her face there, and just breathe in his scent, and hold him.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"Then don't." If only it were that easy. If it were, he would not have such concerns and worries. But it wasn't. Both of them knew that it wasn't that easy. That he'd been gone once, and he left his family to deal with the wrath of Morgana. Part of him wished he'd just sent his men off to battle and he'd never gone that day . . . but he also knew that that was an impossibility. Because he would never not lead his men into battle. He would always be there. It often made him wonder if she ever thought his love for Camelot was greater than his love for her and the children. It wasn't, but he was well aware that actions like that could suggest such. He didn't say anything, and nor did she. In the lingering silence, he still felt it awkward . . . and he hated being in such a tense atmosphere with her. They had been through so much. Surely, they could find a way to get through this too. He saw her quickly approaching him, and his body froze.

Was she still angry? Would she yell at him? Slap some sense into him? He certainly deserved the latter. But much to his surprise, relief and delight . . . it was neither of those. She came to grab his shirt and bury her head in it. Arthur found himself taking a deep breath . . . because he had wanted nothing more, all night, than to just hold her. He had promised to do so earlier, but their conversations had also taken a darker turn. But now, she was here, holding him, and he wanted to return the favor. As soon as her hands were upon his shirt, he wrapped his arms around her, pressing her to him and lowered his head so that his cheek rested on the side of her head. He only stayed like that for a few moments before turning his head so that his lips could rest on on the side of hers. He breathed in her scent, remembering how she felt . . . missing this so much. Missing her more than words and actions could express.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère felt his arms come around her and she was glad that they could at least have tonight, even if she knew that he would leave. Tonight, tomorrow, a week, a year. She knew that sooner or later Arthur would ride out to some unknown fate and she would break if she learned he'd died twice. Not like before where she'd been detached but carried on, but a deeper soul destroying break.

Feeling his lips on the side of her head, she buried her face deeper into shirt. "Are you alright?" She asked softly, knowing that the shock with Merlin had been great, and she not been the supporter like she would have been years ago. That girl had turned into someone who yelled at him, and walked away. Would he like the person she turned into once he really got to know her?

[Arthur Pendragon]

Was he alright? No. He wasn't. He felt like he had missed his children's childhood, and all the happy memories he should have had with them and his wife. His sister's vengeance grew more and more every day and she would not stop attacking his family. His uncle who he'd known since he was a child betrayed him and sided with her. And his best friend had lied to him for over five years. So in all truth, Arthur was not alright. Did he feel like voicing all of these things? Not at all. Not when he was trying to calm himself, and her at the same time. They had spoken about it. She had told him what he asked to hear. He did not want all their conversations to be so tense and cause more hurt between them. If this was to be his last night with her, he wanted her to have fond memories. He wanted her to think back on how he held her, how they sat and played with their children.

He didn't want her to think on how they just argued and teared. He slowly drew back to look at her. His hand went to her cheek as his thumb brushed away her tears. He gave her a soft smile with an equally soft expression, just looking down at her. The way he did moments before he kissed her. And this was not exception to that common pattern. With his hand on her cheek, he titled her head upwards while he lowered his lips on to hers and just kissed her. Because that was the best answer he could give her. He was not alright. But he would be. He would get through this; they would get through this together. Because they had been through a great deal before, and it only strengthened their relationship. He had to believe that this was not what would break that record. He wouldn't let it.