Time Softens But Doesn't Heal

[Arthur Pendragon]

He inwardly cringed when she began throwing out all the other woman's names that had entered his life. Sophia who had been before her. Vivian who had been an enchantment. Elena who his father had selected. Mithian who he thought he should marry for political purposes. Did she hold these woman against him? Clearly she must have if she was so effortlessly throwing the names back at him. He knew that he had suppressed so many things from that night . . . how much was she withholding from him? He refused to believe that their marriage was a sham. No. It was real. It was not a fake front that they put up for the sake of appearances. It was real. They were in love. They were happy. But . . . this conversation was taking a devastating turn. And he wanted to stop it, yet knew he could not. "I never loved another," he said in a strong voice. He had never loved another woman in all his life. Yet, she could not swear the same to him. He had never willingly betrayed her. He had never kissed Elena, or Mithian. And Vivian had been the result of an enchantment.

That night however, had given him so much doubt in his words. She spoke of how she would never lay with a man who she didn't love above all others . . . yet that night, he wondered if Lancelot's name was ever in his mind when it was him making love to her. The thought sickened him, and he did not have such harsh thoughts any more. But that didn't mean that he hadn't ever had them. Especially when seeing her kiss Lancelot that night. When the next day she would have been committing herself to him. "I do believe in us," he argued stubbornly, looking directly at her. "I never once stopped fighting for us." He had fought against his father, even if his father didn't know it. He had committed himself to Guinevère as soon as he had fallen in love with her, even if he couldn't admit it. "What more do you want from me?" He tried everything to make it work, to make them work. He could not make his emotions from her actions completely disappear. "What more do you want me to do?!" He was getting upset, and immediately took a deep breath to try and calm himself.

[Guinevère]

"I never loved another," "And I have. Will you hold that above me forever?" Because it was something he'd often said and something she had often agreed with and felt honored by. Yet right now, in this moment she felt he was using them against her. "I do believe in us," No, he believed he was strong enough for them both. He did not believe in her. How could he if he believed he was just . . . second best?

"I never once stopped fighting for us." Yes he had, but she would never hold those moments over him, not use them to hurt him. "What more do you want from me?" Forgiveness. Happiness. The real kind, not the one that she'd thought she had. "What more do you want me to do?!" Let her love him.

"I don't hold any of our past against you. Not one moment. Not ever. I have forgiven and forgotten and moved on. I do not think of anyone from your past, nor keep them between us, because I know that you love me, and love me above all other. Because I have, and always had faith in you. Because I know that our love has broken spells, and changed lives, and made me stronger."

"What I want is for you to feel the same." Not think that there was another in between them. "That is all I want from you, Arthur. Faith in my love the way I mean it." She reached up to wipe her cheeks off. "I thought you believed me. I thought you faith in me, but now I am looking at every moment we've shared and wondering what was really in your mind in that moment."

"I cannot understand . . . . how you could have been as happy as I thought we were if you believed that I was settling." His words had broken more then just her heart. Like nothing else ever had. "I am so afraid in this moment . . . . so very afraid." Of losing everything because he could not let that night stop affecting him.

"I think I need to think." She whispered, "I want to leave this room and go to the garden to think, but I fear if I do you will try to pretend this never happened . . . . "

" . . . . and I don't think I can live with that."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Nor had he. Not the other things. Not when she had told him to marry another woman, not when she had admitted to him that she had known about Morgana for some time, and lied to him about it. He had never held those things against her, especially the latter. But this . . . her actions that night had changed so much. He still loved her, but how he could believe that he was first in his heart when on the night before their wedding he was not first in her mind? That she had sought out another man instead and kissed him so passionately, in the way that she kissed him. How could she expect her actions to not suggest so much . . . especially when she had been in love with Lancelot. "I would never have married you, had I not loved you, or had faith in you, or trusted you." He had never thought he'd be able to trust her again, but seeing the love between two people break by the death of one of them . . . opened his eyes to what was truly important.

"But do not stand there and tell me that you have never placed another man above me. When twice, your actions suggested otherwise." Arthur had been there. He had waited for, and would have waited a lifetime. Since the moment he had kissed her, he was there. It had taken only one day for Lancelot to re-enter her life and she had chosen him. Then, in all the years they were together . . . a day or two after his miraculous return was all it took for her to choose Lancelot again. That was all it took. How could she say that she loved Arthur above all others when the magnitude of love she had for one man, caused her to run to his arms within a couple days of his return. The words of that night rung clear in his mind, how she spoke of how she thought Lancelot was dead and that she would never see him again. Those words . . . holding so many implications. That because Lancelot was dead, she could settle for second best. And Arthur's love for her would gladly make him embrace this role.

Though he knew full well that if Lancelot was alive, Arthur would not have been her chosen husband. "Do not call the last nine years together a lie. I was sincere in my love for you." He refused to let her think that he always had other thoughts that decreased his affections for her. He had overlooked the past but as he knew, it was here to haunt them. She then spoke of leaving, of needing to clear her head . . . knowing that whether they continued this conversation or not, it would still affect them. "I have done everything I can, to try and be someone worthy of your love." Everything. Just as he had tried to be a good brother of heart to Morgana. Just as he had tried to be a good nephew to his uncle. "So if you are going to stand there, and accuse me of lacking faith, and lacking trust, then go ahead Guinevère. Just remember that it was your actions that night that made your feelings clear."

That the night before their wedding. She couldn't even come to him out of respect and tell him that she was having doubts or inappropriate thoughts about another man. She decided to go behind his back and . . . secretly be with Lancelot. Would the affair have continued after they were married? Arthur didn't even want to think of the answer. "I have forgiven you, and accepted everything," he added, wanting her to be reminded of that. That he'd never thrown that night in her face . . . because they had never spoken of it. "There is nothing more I can do." Because, he was tired of trying to prove to others how much he loved him. Three people he cared about greatly had betrayed him . . . one was redeemable. Because he knew that Guinevère was a good person, and he knew that they could get through whatever hardships they were faced with. But right now, he was fearing otherwise. That she would never be able to move past his one remark that slipped out in a burst of anger.

[Guinevère]

"I would never have married you, had I not loved you, or had faith in you, or trusted you." Loved her, yes, the other two parts were the ones she feared would not happen. Ever. He’s let them be married so very many years before he admitted that while he would love her above all others that she would never do such for him. The faith in her could not be real if he had married her thinking she was settling. "But do not stand there and tell me that you have never placed another man above me. When twice, your actions suggested otherwise." Twice? No, there had only been that one night. Where was the other? What day did he speak of?

Thinking her mind could only go to the few hours after Hingist’s kidnapping. When they had known that they could never be together--by his own words! She had wanted to be with Arthur, but knowing that his father would have her banished or killed for it, she had thought it could never be. "Do not call the last nine years together a lie. I was sincere in my love for you." But not in his faith of her. Not in his trust of her words. Every time she told him she loved him--she Guinevère expressed her feelings often--how had that not been like a knife digging into his heart? Had he thought of how he thought she loved another ever time the phrase left her lips?
"I have done everything I can, to try and be someone worthy of your love." He thought he had to earn it?!! That he was not good enough in her eyes when in truth he was the standard for all men for her, and everyone came up short of him! Arthur was her sun and her light and he thought she held another higher than that? "So if you are going to stand there, and accuse me of lacking faith, and lacking trust, then go ahead Guinevère. Just remember that it was your actions that night that made your feelings clear." She sucked in a breath sharply, at his words, feeling his words in a painful almost physical way. Tears where falling down her cheeks quickly and Guinevère knew that wiping them away would do nothing at this point.

"I have forgiven you, and accepted everything," But he would never have faith in her again, no matter what he claimed. "There is nothing more I can do." That night would be forever between them, and over her head. She stared at him for a few moments, her heart breaking and she wasn’t sure how to beg him to believe her, or what words to say. After so many years he would believe this of her? Still! How did she even try to convince him? How did she give him more of herself?

She could stare at him, silently wondering what more she could have done over the years to make him feel as if she loved him more. Wondering what she could have given him of herself to help him believe her.

After standing there staring at him for a long moment, Guinevère turned and ran from the room. She would speak to him again when she could have a calmer her mind, but right now her heart was breaking!

Right now she could not bring herself even say anything to him, for Arthur had broken her heart and she had never thought that he could.

[Arthur Pendragon]

His gaze was downcast but from his peripheral vision, he saw her run out of the room. This was not how today should have. This is not how any of their days should have been. He should not have lost his patience like that and let such hurtful words slip from his tongue. This was precisely why he never wanted to speak of that night. Why it was a dangerous subject to broach. Why, he had learned to silently deal with it for so long. It did not mean all their years together was false . . . only that he knew how different things could have been. How she had been in love with another. The fault rested with Arthur, he knew that. He just . . . he didn't know how to speak about such things when they were so hard to talk about. He wanted to be happy with her, and he was. But now he feared that this one revelation would threaten to destroy all that. Running a hand through his hair out of frustration, Arthur then put his hands on the table, hanging his head between his shoulders, bracing himself up. He should have been more careful with what he said. And now, he had upset her . . . something he never wished to do.

Hearing the door open, Arthur raised his head and saw Amaren enter. Amaren. He had questions about that night, and Arthur still wasn't sure where they stood in telling him. Or how much they should tell him. Since clearly, they disagreed about that. Just as Arthur's mind was quickly trying to formulate a suitable response, Amaren began talking about all that he had learned today. And continued to do so, which made it clear that the boy did not remember to re-ask his question. While that gave Arthur relief, it did not cure the stress he felt of how he was going to get through this with Guinevère. He'd hurt her so badly, and didn't know how to apologize. He sat on his chair, Amaren standing next to him -- for the boy was too restless and excited to sit still -- as he went on and on about everything he'd learn, asking questions related to his studies. Arthur answered them to the best of his ability, and tried not to appear as distracted as he felt. Though soon enough, there was a knock at the door and Arthur turned toward it.

Sir Leon rushed inside, and Arthur knew his friend long enough to know that something was wrong. The king rose to his feet as Leon spoke. "Sire, Odin's men have been spotted trying to pass the border. It is said he has a small army." Arthur remained composed, not wanting his son to pick up on the threat Camelot faced from Odin. "Gather the men. We right out as soon as we are able," he instructed Leon, and with that, the knight nodded his head and hurried out to gather what knights they could. Arthur looked down at Amaren. "Return to your chambers my son. Your mother will be there soon." For he knew that she would check on Amaren at some point today, and she was more likely to go to her children's room, then return to their chambers where Arthur would be. He also knew that he could blame no one but himself for that. With those words, Amaren and Arthur left the room, heading in separate directions.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère had escaped to the gardens later that day with her daughter Anna, and watched her play while letting her thoughts move into a deeper reflection. She had never thought that Arthur would do anything to hurt her, for she knew that his heart was stronger and more honorable then any heart in all the world. She had known that he felt this way, she would have . . . .

Done something differently. Tried to make him feel loved more, or said the words better, or given more of herself to prove herself for him. She'd have fought harder. Been stronger.

When the news came to her of Odin's men crossing the border with a small army, Guinevère scooped up Anna and started hurrying toward the royal chambers. There she found Rosa, her handmaiden, but Rosa said the king had not been here when she arrived. Passing her daughter over to Rosa, Guinevère turned to seek out her husband in one of the few places she knew that he would be.

Finding him in the armory, Guinevère stood at the door. Her trip though the halls had been shortened, thanks to her rank. Before she'd married Arthur, she would have had to push her way though the crowds of people or walk close to the walls to avoid nobles who were hurrying quickly down them. Now everyone moved from her path. Normally she disliked the action of people, today however she was willing to take it in and accept it. Standing at the door, she paused there, trying to make sure no men where disrobed before she entered--or in hopes her husband would see her and exit tot he hall knowing his men would be quickly readying to ride out.

[Arthur Pendragon]

The rest of the day was hectic. It consisted of a quick meeting with council to plan the best course of action. Which then led to intense preparations to ride out immediately. They needed to get to Odin before he managed to reach any villages or place that he wished to overcome. They were on the brink of a war, and charging through Camelot's borders with a small army certainly wasn't helping things. Arthur wished he could extend a hand of peace to the man. But he was so overcome with bitterness and vengeance that talking to him would make no difference. And alas, they were all forced to fight. Bloodshed . . . lives that should not have to be lost. Everyone was just waiting for that moment when war would be declared. Arthur had spent the last little while in the armory, making sure every man was suited in their armor and weapons.

They had no time for lengthy preparations. They needed to get dressed in the appropriate attire and then go to the courtyard, where the horses were already lined up, awaiting their riders. Arthur himself was ready to go, dressed in his chain mail, armor, cape, gloves and of course . . . his sword in his belt. He was currently inspecting a sword when he heard one of the knights speak to him. "Sire," he said, motioning toward the door. Arthur turned around to see Guinevère. Not having been able to see her all day, he was grateful for this time now. Yet knew, that had the circumstances not been what they are . . . she would not have sought him out for the rest of the day. He took a deep breath, well aware that anything could go wrong and he did not wish for their potentially last conversation to be filled with silence and awkward glances.

He walked toward the door, and entered the corner of the hall with her, so that they would have a few moments of privacy. "I don't have much time," he began to say . . . his voice clear with regret for that. As he knew that whatever conversation followed the last one they had, should not be so rushed and quickly resolved. It was not resolved. Not in the slightest. "I'm sorry Guinevère," he continued, his voice strong with sincerity. Should something happen to him . . . he didn't want their last moments together to be filled with so much anger and hurt. "I did not mean to upset you," he added, wishing he had not. Wishing that his words had not caused her to flee his company and now only seeking him out because he was about to ride out to battle.

[Guinevère]

Arthur approched her, and Guinevère felt her heart beating quicker as he lead them to a place they should speak. "I don't have much time," She knew, for she could see the men all but mounted. Odin was getting bold! Riding into their kingdom has if he owned it! "I'm sorry Guinevère," "Don't," She whispered, not wanting their last moments to be this way, "I did not mean to upset you," She knew that, that he would never try to hurt her. But hurt her he had, and she doubted she could ever move past his words, or the meaning behind them.

While he was saying he loved her more then anyone, she felt as if everything she had done to show him her own love had been inadaquite. As if she had not tried hard enough and assumed too much. "Think on it no more." She begged him, not going to let him ride off with ill thoughts. Reaching up she softly moved her hands over his armor as if she was checking to make sure it was on properly, "Just keep your head clean and come home to your family."

Because she could not loose him. She knew that she could not recover from his death. He was her world, and her sun. The light in her life and you did not get over such a loss. "We will be waiting for you." Her and their children. "Keep your sword close too you," Because Excalibur would keep him safe. "And Merlin!" Because they were a team them too, and one would always bring the other home. Always.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"Think on it no more." That was impossible. For he would forever regret that this was what their day had led to. And now, he had to leave before they could move past this. He knew what she was saying though. To focus on the task at hand so that no distraction would lead him to fall. He looked at her intently as her hands moved over the metal of his armor, making sure that everything was in place and properly secure. "I asked Merlin to stay," he informed her. "Because there is no one I trust more to look after my family in my absence." All the knights, her brother included, would be going with him. He wanted Merlin to stay behind so that he could look after Guinevère and their children. For as she often told him she felt better for Merlin going with him . . . he felt better knowing Merlin would stay behind.

"I will return as soon as I can," he added, not breaking his gaze from her. Even if the tension between them still existed, in these moments, he did not want to focus on that. Should this be their last. He was not a pessimist, but he knew the risks of war. With that in mind, he leaned toward her and kissed her lips. A passionate kiss, but not overly so. A kiss that symbolized a goodbye, praying that it was not forever. He much preferred to steal such a moment in the privacy of the hall, rather than in front of the courtyard. Slowly, he pulled away, keeping his eyes closed for a few additional moments, letting his forehead rest against hers. "I love you," he whispered. Despite what he said today, he never wanted her to doubt that. The sound of two children approaching, pulled Arthur from such thoughts. Amaren came first, and Rosa followed, out of breath as it was clear she was trying to keep up with them.

Guinevère's maid was holding their daughter. Anna seemed a bit confused as to what was going on, but Amaren was old enough to understand. Which was why he had come to say goodbye. "I wanna come too Papa! Let me come! I can fight too!" As always, Amaren wanted to join him on his journey to battle. One day, he would lead the men. But not too soon. Not when he was so young. Arthur gave a small smile putting his hand on his son's head. "I need you to stay here and look after your mother and sister," he informed him, so that he would still feel of help, rather than discouraged. Arthur held out his arms to hold Anna for a moment as she wrapped her own tiny arms around his neck. This was always the hardest part of leaving . . . whether it was to another kingdom for political purposes, or off to battle. He hated leaving his family behind, knowing he was missing time with them.

It was one of the most difficult burdens to bare in being king. Kissing Anna's cheek a couple of times, she squealed and giggled, and Arthur wished he could forever preserve her innocence. Knowing he had to leave, he passed Anna to her mother, and looked at the sight of his family standing there for a moment. With a silent gaze -- one that expressed more sentiment than any words could -- it was eventually broken when he heard someone call to him, saying that they were all ready to go. Arthur didn't want his daughter to see him ride off, knowing it could upset her sometimes. "I will return as soon as I am able," he reiterated in a low voice, and with those words, gave his wife and children one final glance, before turning to leave . . . unable to look back for he knew if he did, it would make it impossible to walk away.

[Guinevère]

"I asked Merlin to stay," Guinevère knew that would not stop Merlin. Even when Arthur went on secret quest by himself, Merlin ended up going with him. Merlin would either sneak behind him to go, or he would 'casually' pass by her and she'd pretend to order him to do what he felt he needed to do. Which would be follow Arthur. "I will return as soon as I can," "Safely," She reminded him, knowing she rather miss a few hours or a day with him if it meant he returned whole rather then ill, tired, or injured.

Arthur moved forward and kissed her then, and Guinevère felt as if she might cry. It hurt to want to hold him close but to know that he would think every touch and word she spoke only meant half of when he said them. Yet the moment his lips touched her's she didn't think of their last few hours, only of the next few days. "I love you," Guinevère knew she needed to reply but it took a moment. "I know," She whispered, wanting to say more but the words stuck. "I . . . " Needed to speak! "Arthur I--""I wanna come too Papa! Let me come! I can fight too!"

Their children had come to bid their father well. Arthur spoke with Amaren and bid Anna well, before he addressed them all. "I will return as soon as I am able," Please be safe! She prayed as he turned to walk away, "I love you!" She called out the words no longer stuck but needing to be said a million times!

Some of the knights where walking past the hall, ready to fall into steps behind their king and a few courses of their lovable mocking came back with some 'aww, I love you toos!' and 'I didn't know you felt that way' and Gwaine's 'Your husband is right here, don't let him know how you feel about me,' followed by Elyan's words echoing her own. "Bring him home," She asked of them, as they all passed from sight, leaving her clutching her children and afraid.

[Arthur Pendragon]

The next several days were -- as predicted -- filled with blood and violence. The campaign against Odin was both short and long. They had been adequately prepared for his forces, though it did not end with one battle. They had to push him back, past the border so that none of his men managed to elude their army. Odin had not come. Instead, there was another general and . . . this slightly disappointed Arthur. Even though he knew it was useless, he still wished for the opportunity to speak to the man. For they could not keep doing this. Arthur had already taken Odin's son's life, and the man had taken Arthur's father's life. How many more had to die for one man's obsession for revenge? In the end, Camelot was victorious. Arthur sent a message to still breathing general, to deliver words of potential peace back to Odin. He knew he would give the message, but Arthur knew that it would fall on deaf ears. For Odin had no desire for peace. Only war. Thankfully, the battle was over. It took another couple of days to pack everything up, make sure the men who still lived were physically able to travel, and then they were off. Back home.

Only the violence had not ended then. For one their journey back to the city, they were once again attacked. Only this time, by an assassin. One who had known the most obvious route back to the city; one who had been hiding in the trees, waiting for Arthur to enter his target range. Had it not been for that branch snapping, the arrow would have landed directly in Arthur's heart. But instead, he had abruptly turned his torso and the arrow penetrated his upper arm instead. The hit was still enough to cause him pain . . . but it was not a mortal wound. They had been forced to stop for a few hours, the wound bounded by a hot blade and a bandage wrapped around it to stop the bleeding. It took them a little longer to get home, but Arthur's life was still in tact. A wounded arm was not that bad, compared to how much others had suffered. The worst part of returning to battle, was having to tell the family of those who had fallen, that their loved ones were dead.

It was such a great burden, and every tear he saw spilled in heartbreak, made Arthur wish it had been his life and not theirs. Yet at the same time, he found so much relief and happiness in being able to be with his family once more. His wife and his children. His life. It had been a long two weeks, but at all, they rode through the courtyard just when the sun was setting. There, he saw Guinevère waiting for him. The most beautiful sight that he could ever return to . . . though he knew that there was still unresolved tension. He did not wish to think on it right now though. He wanted only to feel that comforting embrace of holding her in his arms, telling her he loved her, and then looking forward to tomorrow when he could once again hold and kiss his children. Once they reached near the steps, Arthur dismounted from his horse, doing his best not to display any indication that he was wounded. He passed the reins to a servant to was waiting there, before approaching Guinevère. And the first thing he did when she was close enough, was wrap his uninjured arm around her waist, and pull her close to him in a hug.

[Guinevère]

Time felt like it did not move! The days turned to weeks and the weeks felt like years! Finally word came the army was nearing the city! Guinevère hurried to dress, and get tot he steps in time to be waiting for Arthur. She had been in their chambers for the last few hours, trying to sleep early as the worry for him made her heart ache.

Seeing the men ride him, and Arthur dismounting she walked down a few steps to meet him. Guinevère did not fail to notice that he wrapped only one arm around her, as they embraced. "Your hurt!" She gasped out, knowing with out seeing that he would have used two arms if he'd been able. Turning to Rosa behind her she spoke softly, "Summon Gaius, tell him the king is injured." Then she looked at Arthur, trying to see his arm, and let her eyes scan over him. Finally, looking to his face she whispered, "I missed you."

Because she had, even with everything between them, she still missed him greatly. Because Arthur was her husband, her love, and the father of her children . . . and something more that words could not describe.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"Your hurt!" Guinevère knew him better than anyone. For her to automatically know that he was hurt. It both made him honored that no one knew him better than she . . . yet at the same time, in these instances, he did not like making her worry. "I'm fine," he assured her, glancing at Rosa so that she too would know that seeking the physician was not necessary. Slightly pulling away so that he could look into her face, he kept one arm around her. "I will see Gaius tomorrow," he promised her, not wanting to be anywhere else but with her tonight. "I missed you." Words could not describe how much he missed her. With his other hand, he raised it to her cheek, tucking a loose lock of her curly hair behind her ear, before letting his hand caress her soft warm skin.

"I missed you too," he told her in a low voice. Though they were private, in reunions such as these, he did not think that so many others were watching; he did not care. With that thought in mind, he leaned forward, tenderly kissing her forehead. She was what reminded him that the world was not just filled with violence and bloodshed; she was his serenity. So coming home to her, was like finding his sanctuary. "Come," he lightly urged, not wishing to see Gaius but would much rather go to their chambers where they could just be at ease. "How are the children?" He asked as he turned to walk alongside her, still keeping an arm casually draped around her back.

[Guinevère]

"I missed you too," Missing him, and him missing her felt good to hear, but Guinevère knew that was far from everything being well between them. He had told Rosa not to summon Gaius and Guinevère wished he'd not done that. He was so stubborn, and if things has been more at ease between them she would have either told him he was suborn in jest or summoned Gaius any way.

"Come," He was leading them inside, and toward their chambers. Guinevère knew that someone needed to check his injury for him, and she decided it might as well be her. If Arthur would be stubborn about things, then she would make him get some sort of medical attention. Even her own unexpected hands. "How are the children?" "Well, worried for their father, but well." She told him as they walked toward their chambers. "Amaren keeps trying to talk someone into taking him to you, and Anna just walks around looking for you." She didn't understand things, not fully.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"Well, worried for their father, but well." That was good. He was relieved to hear that they were well, and truly hoped that they had not worried too much. He hated making any of them worry, but knew that it was part of loving others and being loved. And he would not trade those feelings for anything in all this world. He knew that they were sleeping right now, though decided that perhaps he would check on them when he was cleaned up and looked a bit more presentable. Once he was properly changed out of his chain mail and battle attire. "And all else is well?" He asked, knowing that there was still emotional strain between them . . . for their previous conversation had not escaped either of their minds. But he was asking in more of a general sense. For in his absence, she was the sole ruler of the kingdom. It was not really the politics he wanted to hear about.

But rather . . . just, how she has been. If there was anything extreme that happened which should be known to him. Once they arrived at their chambers, he opened the door for her to enter before doing the same, closing it behind them. He took off his gloves, tossing them on the table, as he began to remove what he could. Starting with his gloves, as well as his cape, his sword and then his belt. Finding himself a bit thirsty from the journey, he went over to the pitcher of water and poured himself a cup, taking a large sip before leaning against the desk and trying to calm himself fro the past several days of non stop combat. "We managed to push Odin's forces back beyond the borders," he told her, wanting her to know that the kingdom was safe from him . . . for now.

[Guinevère]

"And all else is well?" "Yes, We made sure the gain storage was filled as best as we could in case of a sege, but we had faith that you and the knights would not let him reach the city." That Arthur would win for he was not the coward like Odin. Odin hid behind assassins and armies, and evil plans. He never sought out the honorable way of dealing with his loss. Odin had no honor.

"We managed to push Odin's forces back beyond the borders," Yet for how long? Guinevère feared what might happen if should something happen to Arthur, it would rest on her or Amaren one way to do this. She feared even more the thought of their lives and hearts missing Arthur so greatly. "I try never to think ill of people, but he is one of the few people I wish would die." She admitted, feeling guilty for saying ti and knowing it made her a weak and horrid person to think it. "Killing everyone i the five kingdoms would not ease the chilled pain in his hardened heart. He's an evil man."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur listened as she explained that they ensured the grain storage was filled just in case. He knew from when he had first fallen in love with her, that she would make a wonderful queen. And in all the years they were together, she had not once proved him wrong. Nor would she ever. Her love and care for the people was what made her such a strong ruler. And what made the people love her so and embrace her as their sovereign, despite her lack of rank and royal blood. He looked at her as she then spoke of how she wished Odin would die, and he was in agreement. For death was the only way to stop him. How many men constantly had to die for him? For his never ending quest for revenge? It was a waste of lives . . . for the men on his army agreed to fight for their king. Not fight for his obsession with vengeance. "So many lives have been lost because of his, obsession." That was the best way to put it. And while it was by his orders . . . the guilt lay on Arthur's shoulders.

For every man that perished, died because of Arthur's previous actions. "After the outcome of sending his last assassin, I wish he would simply be realize that enough heart break has been caused. And enough blood shed." His father. Uther. Was Odin not satisfied with the fact that as Arthur killed Odin's son, and the bitter king had robbed Arthur of someone he so dearly loved? Was that not enough? Apparently it was not. And Arthur constantly feared for the next assassin that he sent to Camelot . . . fearing that the next time, it would be his wife, or his children that Odin targeted. "I tried to send him an offer of peace, though I know he will not listen," Arthur continued, making his way over to a chair, so that he could sit down in comfort. "We will need to be prepared for the next time he strikes." For it was only a matter of time, before war would be formally declared.

[Guinevère]

"So many lives have been lost because of his, obsession." Too many! There seemed to always be one more life needed. "After the outcome of sending his last assassin, I wish he would simply be realize that enough heart break has been caused. And enough blood shed." Uther. Odin never seemed to send assassins after Arthur's family and friends, but wanted Arthur himself. She was grateful for that small favor, but knew that too many people were finding themselves in the crossing path and playing the price. He could just as easily target Amaren or Anna and try to hurt Arthur.

Uther had given his life for his son, and Guinevère would always love him for that offer. Even while she could not forget what Uther had done to her own father. "I tried to send him an offer of peace, though I know he will not listen," He never would. He would pretend too sometimes and send peace messages but then in a few months an assassin would come. The man seemed to have moments of willingness followed by bouts of anger and hate.

"We will need to be prepared for the next time he strikes." The next time. Guinevère's hands came up to cover her face at the thought of a next time. She didn't think she could handle much more of these, for each time Odin grew closer and closer to getting his plan right. She could loose Arthur one day to him! "Perhaps we should inform our friends, Gwent, Gwant, Caerloen, Merica even . . . See if they can reach out too him?"

A knock came on the door came shortly after, and Merlin came in to see if Arthur needed help removing his armor. Normally Guinevère would have told him Gaius needed him more then he was needed here but she needed to get something to bandage Arthur's arm with and she knew that while they were talking calmly that she wasn't ready to let things fall back to how they were. Her heart was still broken. "While you do, I will seek out some hot water and a bandage for your arm. If you will not see Gaius then you will have to handle mine or Merlin's work for the night." For she would not let him rest without one.

[Arthur Pendragon]

As she was giving a suggestion, there was a knock at the door and Merlin soon entered, with his offer of help. Arthur was glad to see his friend . . . but that happiness was extremely short lived. For Guinevère said she would go get a bandage from Gaius. That was when Arthur knew just how much damage his previous words had caused. Before, it had been the heat of the moment, and he knew that eventually . . . they would resolve things. But even two weeks later, upon his return from battle . . . she was still placing herself at a distance. He knew her well. It was usually her who aided him with his armor, for she took care of him. She had done so even before they were married for it gave an element of domesticity to their relationship. But now . . . she didn't. She would rather be the one to search for Gaius, as oppose to send Merlin to get something from him. Had he made such a grand mistake, that she couldn't even bare to be in the same room as him? Even after two weeks? The realization made his heart hurt, unable to bare this sort of reality.

Of how she would rather be out of the room . . . than here with him. That she allowed Merlin to help remove his armor, rather than add an element of intimacy by her doing it. "Thank you," he said in a low voice, wishing it didn't sound so . . . formal. Yet he didn't know how to act around her right now. He didn't know what she needed. Space? Distance from him? That much was clear. When she left the room, Arthur rose so that Merlin could help him with his armor. The subject of his injury briefly came up, but Arthur was in no mood to talk about it. He dismissed the subject, and changed into a clean shirt and pants, as Merlin carried out his armor to be polished while Arthur walked over to gaze out the window. She did not even want to bind his wound. For she left it with the option of either her or Merlin doing it. He knew he was to blame for this, but that didn't make it any easier to hear that she did not want to do all these things that she otherwise would have been determined to aid him with. And it showed him, just how much of a rift he had caused in their relationship.

[Guinevère]

"Thank you," He spoke in a low and formal tone, leaving Guinevère to feel slightly guilty for her cowardly actions but she wasn't sure she could just pretend everything was alright. It would kill her a little every day to know that whatever she had doing wasn't enough. That he would always believe that someone was before him and she picked him only because the other had died.

Arthur claimed but have forgiven her but he'd not forgotten that night. He did not have his faith and trust in her. Had wonderful Isolde not died, then she would be back in Eldor right now, and still heartbroken because of her actions.

Guinevère smiled at his words, trying to force out a casual appearance before turning to seek out what she needed. With everything happening below it was both not hard to find what she needed and hard to seek her way back to her chambers. Everyone was bustling with hurry to get all the knights tended too.

Finally she re-entered their chambers, a small bowel of hot water in her hands and a few strips of cloth over one arm, she noticed that Merlin had gone. Sitting the bowel on the desk, rather then the bed she looked over at Arthur, "Come and sit, and let me see your shoulder." She asked, "I spoke to Gaius and asked him to come tomorrow to check on it, but for tonight I can make sure it's not going to break open and bleed in the night."