Time Softens But Doesn't Heal

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur had never ridden so quickly in his entire life. He did not stop once to take a break or to even stop long enough to breath. He just rode forward, knowing that if he paused for even a second . . . he would break down. He had to devote every single second to getting to Guinevère before she made any sort of deal to exchange their lives. He wouldn't lose her, especially not like this. He would not tell his children that she was dead, because their father needed to live. What child understood that? They would never forgive him. And he would never forgive himself for allowing her to do this. He could not even imagine a world without Guinevère. She had worked at the castle for so many years though it took that one trip to Ealdor to truly open his eyes. And since then, he had never been the same. Since then, even more so after their first kiss, he could not imagine a world that Guinevère did not live in. The thoughts that he tried to shun from his mind only made him more panicked and afraid. No, not just mildly afraid . . . terrified!

Seeing that he was nearing the Isle, he leaped off his horse, seeing another animal tied near the river. Arthur did the same, binding the reins around a tree branch and then seating himself in the boat. It moved so damn slowly! He was better of swimming through the water for he would move at a more rapid pace then this. But who knows what creatures dwelt in the waters below. He would just have to wait for the boat to get him to his destination. The mist was not helping either, for he could not see anything ahead, and the ancient ruins also shielded his vision from seeing any life form. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the boat slowed and came to a halt. Arthur was not sure if it was his imagination, or his entire body still fueled from adrenaline, but his pain was slowly subsiding, yet his body filled with a new intense sort of pain. One of the emotional kind. Jumping out of the boat, he pulled his sword out, prepared to defend himself if need be. It was so quiet, eerily so and it only irked and worried him further.

He looked around frantically, his steps hurried as came across a clearing where there lay a stone platform that looked as if it served as some sort of table for offerings. His gaze did not rest on it though for less than a second later, he saw a body laying near it. "Guinevère!" He called out, rushing toward her and falling to his knees, tossing his sword to the side. He didn't care if he was defenseless right now, where anyone or anything could come and attack them. Right now, all he cared about was her. falling to his feet, he pulled the upper half of her body into his arms, as his eyes searched over her with severe panic and fear. He could already feel tears welling in his eyes, for he knew without having to be told . . . that he was too late. She was still breathing, but the deal had been struck. He knew in his heart, that it had been struck. "Guinevère," he said, this time more quietly, his voice catching as the tears began to fall in his eyes.

"Why did you do this," he asked rhetorically, knowing full well that she could not answer him. He did not even try to stop his tears, he only pulled her closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around her as if that would protect her, when he knew that he was the reason she was in this state right now. He had failed in every aspect of her life and now . . . he would literally be the death of her. "Why did you do this," he asked again in low, whispered voice. He lowered his head so that his forehead rested against hears, trying to breath when every breath felt painful in his chest, feeling his heart breaking at the very thought of what she did. "Please don't leave me. I need you," he added, not even sure if he had said the words aloud or if he had just been thinking them. Closing his eyes, he just remained close to her, holding her . . . much in the same way he had held his father in his arms as his life slipped away from him.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère was not dead, only sleeping. It had been days since she'd taken the time to properly eat and more then two weeks now, since she'd properly slept. Fighting with Arthur had unsettled her, and finding him dying had nearly destroyed her. She thought for a moment, she could hear his voice calling to her in the darkness but she could not summon her eyes opened to see for sure.

She only only that she had saved him! Arthur would live! He could raise their children to be like he was, and protect them from the darkness in this world, from his sister. Arthur could lead a kingdom to greatness, and she had helped him to be able to do that. This was all that mattered to her. Arthur would live and with his life he could assure their children's strong lives.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur didn't know how long he had just been sitting here holding her, and shedding tears for what he had done. He even tried calling out to whoever had struck this deal with Guinevère, to reverse it and let him die instead -- as it should have been. But there was no answer. Eventually, the thought of not giving up and finding a way to save her was what brought him to his feet. He tucked his sword back in his belt and scooped up his wife in his arms, carrying her back to the boat, not letting her go for a single moment. When they were on land again, Arthur heard approaching riders but before he had any time to react, they revealed themselves. It was the knights, his closest brothers who had ridden out after him. They looked at the king, and then at the woman in his arms. Arthur explained nothing. He was not about to give all the details, when he wanted Gaius to check her first. He offered no explanation and instead, quietly rode back to Camelot, keeping Guinevère close to him at all times. The concern in her brother and friends was evident, but Arthur still said nothing about her condition. What could he say?

Besides, she was not going to die. He refused to let her. He would find a way to reverse this, to fix it. To have her grace this world for many more years to come. When they arrived back at the castle, Arthur carried her inside, taking her to her chambers. Gaius was not far behind and examined her. She was weak, and unwell . . . and . . . dying. Because she had made a deal. Arthur could not move his eyes from her the entire time . . . not until two small children came running into the room. "Mama's home!" Amaren exclaimed excitedly, while Anna was scurrying behind him, though unable to keep up with her brother's faster pace. Arthur looked at the two of them, unable to utter any words at first. His voice caught, but eventually, he managed to speak. "Mama is very tired. She . . . needs to rest. Go with your uncle." He motioned to the knight to take them and the children were compliant enough. Arthur turned his attentions back on his wife and Gaius asked a few questions before a look of further seriousness crossed his face. "Sire, there is something I must tell you."

Days had passed, and with the knowledge that Gaius gave him, Arthur seldom left her side. He just sat there, at the edge of the bed. The only time he would leave was when he needed to distract his children. The council had come in a few times a day, keeping their questions and concerns brief. Food was brought up, and Arthur would dine with the children, though had no appetite. He could only tell them the same thing over and over, that their mother was resting and soon she would wake up. They were missing her. That much was clear. For her to be here, yet not here at the same time . . . was something difficult for Amaren, and especially Anna, to understand. Night would come and Arthur would find himself even more determined to stay here by her side. After tucking in the children, he would sometimes lie with them for comfort, before returning to his wife's side, where he would take her hand and hold it in between his two. Silently begging her to wake up.

His eyes constantly worn from all the tears of this painful reality. That his own wounds were healing, while hers were worsening. He could not accept that she wouldn't live. And asked Gaius repeatedly if he knew of a way to save her. Gaius had no solution to offer, for either of them. Arthur currently lay his head down on the bed, using his folding arms as a pillow. He didn't even know if he was sleeping or not. He knew only that he had to rest his eyes for they ached from all the tears he cried, and it was only going to get worse. He remained determined however. For he would not let her die. He refused to live a life where she did not. He was not going to let this altered future from existing. Their children needed her, and she was far more deserving to life with them and watch them grow, then he was. Right now, he just needed her to wake up. So that he could hear her voice, and assure himself that it was not yet over. That there was still a chance he could save her. For he would not give up until he did.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère was not sure how long she'd been sleeping, but when she finally opened her eyes everything seemed bright. As if she had grown too used to being asleep that even the dim light of indoors was hard on her eyes. Looking around she tried to see where she was. Home? She was in their bed. Their! Arthur! Looking around for her husband, the room spun and her belly rolled. She was hungry, and thirsty and wanted nether at the same time.

That was when she found her husband, arms folded on the edge on the bed and him resting there. Alive! Well enough to be out of bed! Smiling softly, Guinevère gently moved an inch at a time until she could climb out of the bed with out waking him--nor with out causing her to loose the small balance and steadiness she had. She'd been lieing down too long.

Holding on to the bed, she walked around it, picking up a blanket that was on the chest at the end and coming up behind her husband to drape it over his shoulders. Bending down to kiss his cheek and whisper in his hear she spoke his name, "Arthur, come to bed." As if nothing had happened. As if he's never broken her heart, and then almost died. As if she'd not give him what she could, by taking his place.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur had not felt her subtle movement, indication that he had drifted to sleep. He did however suddenly feel a warmth spread over him . . . and then words whispered in his ear. "Arthur, come to bed." Had he been in a deeper sleep, he would have believed it to be a dream. But he knew it was not. And he would recognize her voice in any circumstance. He stirred a bit before raising his head and sleepily opening his slightly swollen eyes. He turned his head and his body jerked more awake, sitting upright rather than hunched over. "Guinevère," he greeted, acknowledged, whispered with relief, spoke with affection. So many different emotions filled this one simple word, and yet it wasn't simple at all. He didn't even know what else to say to her. She was awake, and that was enough to cause him to dumbly stare at her, having missed her so incredibly much that words were incapable of expressing every feeling that had consumed him since . . . well, since finding her at the Isle of the Blessed.

Or even before when he had been riding out to find her. "You should not be up," he said, the words slipping out before he had time to even think of them. He rose to his feet, taking a step toward her so that he was directly in front of her. Though her own words processed in his mind. Telling him to come to bed. To . . . their bed. He had not forgotten all that he had done and said to upset her, but in these moments . . . he did not wish to discuss them. But nor could he thank her for saving his life . . . for that would suggest finality. And this was not over. This was not how their story would end. He raised a hand to rest on her cheek, as if he was unsure how to handle this state of ever single overwhelming feeling exploding within him. "You should . . ." The emotion prevent his words from flowing out smoothly, catching in between, his eyes lingering on her intently. "Lie down," he finished, not even knowing how he managed to complete his sentence of trivial words.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère watched him stand, and she smiled up at his taller form. He was alive! He looked well! That alone made her feel better about her actions. Seeing him strong and well again! She was able to smile with out it being completely forced. He put his hand on her cheek and her own came up to cover his. He felt so strong and alive and it did her heart wonders for it. "Arthur," She looked at him for a moment, feeling glad to see him. "You look tired," She whispered worriedly but he looked stronger then before! She would take what she could get. "You need some rest!"

"I feel as if I have been in bed too long," Yet still unsteady on her feet. "Let us instead sit at the table." The chair would support her, and she could use the support while feeling slightly weak. And cold. When she let his hand go, she noticed her fingers trembled slightly. She would have asked to sit closer tot he fire, but wanted the solidness of the chair under her. "Is there a chill in the air today?" She asked, trying to see if this was apart of her deal, or if she was only feeling the effects of a cool day.

[Arthur Pendragon]

She spoke as if nothing was wrong. As if everything was completely normal. As if . . . she had not just given her life to save his. While he loved seeing her smile, he could not return one. How could he smile at a time like this? When she was . . . slowly dying. How could he ever experience true happiness again. The answer was simple enough: he could not. "I'm fine," he said in a quiet voice, not even thinking about his answer. More so just focused on her. The last thing he needed was rest, especially with her now being awake. He wanted to spend every moment he could with her, and then find out a way to save her. That was his ultimate goal, and he would not fail in fulfilling it. Failure was not an option. He gave a small nod when she spoke of going to the table rather than lie down. It was however her last question that caused him to fully pause, and make him force back any more tears from leaving his eyes. To hear tangible proof of her dying state . . . made his heart break all the quicker. Instead of answering it, he lowered his hand from her cheek and reached for the blanket that she had draped over his shoulders.

Instead, he draped it around her own shoulders, covering her body as he pulled it together in the front. Holding her in this position, he leaned forward to kiss her forehead, so that she did not have to see his eyes moisten with tears. And to feel some sort of contact, however brief it was. Slowly drawing back, he put an arm around her for extra support and led her to the table. When they were there, he pulled out a chair so that she could sit. "Some food was brought up earlier," he told her, should she awake. "I can . . . get you something else if you like." If she wanted something lighter, he would of course go down to the kitchens and have them prepare something. There was meat, bread, fruit, and some vegetables in a large platter and surrounding bowls. He wasn't sure how hungry she was for . . . they had experienced part of what she was going through before. While Guinevère's state of dying was enough to motivate him to do anything and everything to save her, it was not only her life at stake. But also, the life of their unborn child growing in her womb. Knowledge that she did not possess; knowledge that he could not bare to give her.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère noticed that Arthur did not answer her about the chill in the air, but in stead wrapped her up warmly. Oh. That seemed to answer her question. She was dying. Guinevère had expected it to be sudden, but now she wondered if they had but traded time left? Or if the trade would take her in it's own way at it's own time. Arthur kissed her, but she was too lost in thought to react for a moment.

It was not until she was sitting and he spoke that she blinked a few times and was able to realize what he was saying. "Some food was brought up earlier," She wasn't hungry. "I can . . . get you something else if you like." No, she just wanted to wake up some more before eating or even thinking of food. "I think I was resting too long, maybe, my belly feel unsettled. I think I will wait before eating."

Just a little while. Looking around for a moment, her eyes came to rest on him. She was afraid that her actions would cause him to grow angry, and bitter toward the lack of choice she gave him. "Are you angry with me?" She asked, wanting to know.

[Arthur Pendragon]

He knew that part of the reason her stomach was unsettled was not only because of the symptoms of . . . her impending death. But also because of the illness associated with a pregnancy. Gaius had told them, and Arthur had not been aware. He knew Guinevère wasn't either for she would not have given her life, had she been carrying a child. It was why he could not bare to tell her, wishing to spare her of that guilt. He would not tell her until he found a way to fix this; to save her. He wished with all his heart that she had found out she was expecting before she had decided to exchange her life for his. Then, it would have been far easier to convince her not to do it. Still standing, he reached for the pitcher of water and poured a cup of it for her, handing it to her. Even if she was not hungry, perhaps she was thirsty. After all, she had been sleeping for days. "Are you angry with me?" Was he angry. It was such a difficult question to answer. How did one answer that?

What he did know was that it was not anger that he felt. Not fully enraged anger at her. But . . . that did not mean that he approved of what she did. He never would. The choice had been stripped from his hands, just as it had when his father rose to his feet and in his weakened state, defend his son. Which had cost him his life. Remaining in a pensive silence, Arthur went to a seat and sat down. He needed to be careful with what he said since he clearly had a habit of saying the wrong thing, and phrasing his words terribly. His eyes remained on the table as he thought, wanting to be careful as well as not wanting to fight with her in these moments. Yet, it seemed that there was still so much between them. Not only from how he had hurt her before, but now . . . with what had happened. "You shouldn't have done this Guinevère." The disapproval and hurt thick in his voice. He slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. "I wish, with all my heart and soul that you had not done this." Because she did not deserve to die just so that he could live.

[Guinevère]

"You shouldn't have done this Guinevère." So he was mad then. If he had not been upset with her, then Arthur would have spelled it out for her and made sure she knew he was not so. Just as had he not meant his words from two weeks ago, and the other night, he would have been able to tell her honestly that he had not. It saddened her to know that he was upset with her, but she had expected it, and would not let this ruin whatever time they had left.

"I wish, with all my heart and soul that you had not done this." Iconic. "I am grateful with all my heart and soul that I was able to do this for t-my husband." She would not kept saying the 'man she loved' for she did not wish to remind him of their recent fights, and make him wonder again, if she was only trying to prove something. She was not. Guinevère knew how she felt, and wished with all her heart that he did as well. "You are always saving me Arthur, always. Now it's my turn to save you."

[Arthur Pendragon]

He hadn't expected her to regret her decision. She had thought it through too much. With the letter she wrote, the extra willow bark she had put in his drink, and with her finally leaving, traveling all that way. As he reminded himself, it was why he could not bare to tell her of their child yet. Of how it was growing now, in her belly. He would not give such joyous news until they could celebrate the fact that she would not leave this world before her time. He shook his head when she spoke of how he was always saving her. Clearly, he had done a terrible job of it. He always wanted to protect her, to keep her safe . . . and knew that she would do the same, as she had done. For it was not one sided. He had not forgotten those moments before they were together, when she sat at the edge of the bed, took his hand and spoke words of hope to pull him out of the darkness when bitten by the questing beast. Or the time she had pushed him to the ground, saving him from the gargoyle that circled them above. She had saved him so many times, but this was different.

"How can you think, that my life is any more valuable than yours." It wasn't. In fact, it was the exact opposite. For it was not him that their children needed. It was not him that deserved to live in this world. She was. His death was a result of his actions against Odin's son. He had been punished for them once before when his father died, and then when he died. And now . . . he was being punished again by . . . Guinevère's soon to come death. No. He would prevent it. He had to. "My fate was set. At long last, Odin's constant attempts were successful. My time had come." But she had altered that. "You should not have changed that. You should . . . " He paused, his voice catching and knowing his eyes were welling with tears again as he looked down at the table, trying to keep himself composed though didn't care if he fell apart right now. How could he not, when the woman he loved so incredibly much was dying. "How can I live with myself knowing I have caused this." Her death. Slowly, his eyes went back to hers. "How can I live without you." Another rhetorical question, because the answer was obvious: he could not.

[Guinevère]

"How can you think, that my life is any more valuable than yours." Because he was a great ruler, and a strong, courageous, and loving man. Because Arthur radiated greatness and everyone who met him saw that. He could do amazing things, if only given the chance to do them. She could give him that chance. She had given him that chance!

"My fate was set." "No man's fate is to die for some man's bitterness." "You should not have changed that. You should . . . " Oh Arthur! She wanted to hug him to her! Hold him close! "How can I live with myself knowing I have caused this." No!"How can I live without you."

"You did not do this, Arthur. Please know that. Every person who has ever met you has seen the touch of greatness on you." At least since he'd became king, before it had been harder to see. "You will do such amazing things, and I have always known that. To my mind, I am giving you the chance to do this. I will be watching . . . . standing proud and watching you do them. I will watch you raise our children, and let them be the man their father is. A great man who I love more then I will ever be able to even comprehend, much less try to express to you."

"I want to give you this." Her life for his. "Please, I know that there is much between us right now, but I do not want there to be. Let me do this Arthur. Let me give you all I have to give, because you are the only person I would want to give it too."

"I love you."

[Arthur Pendragon]

She spoke of him so highly. Too highly. He was not deserving of this kind of praise . . . he wasn't deserving of any kind of praise. She had told him how much he had broken his heart, causing him to fail as a husband. No great man allowed their wife and children to suffer. No great man failed in protecting his family. No. He was not great. He was so far from it, and he could not bare to think of how she had given his life . . . based on the belief that he would do amazing things. Tears fell from his eyes, despite his best efforts to withhold them. How could he? His wife had given her life for him, and he didn't know how to stop it. While that was not to say he wouldn't try . . . he would feel far less emotional and devastated if he had a solid way to prevent her death. Or at least reverse everything. "The only reason I am even half the man I am now, is because of you." Anything that she had described as great and amazing, was because of her. Because she had made him stronger.

Before falling in love with her, he had seldom moments of following his heart and doing what he believed was best for the people. But after falling in love with her . . . he never refrained from it. Because she had always guided him on the right path. She had been his confidant, the one who's opinion he valued above all others. For out of everyone he knew, she had the greatest and strongest heart. "It is no exaggeration when I say I am nothing without you." That he would fall apart in her permanent absence. That he wouldn't be able to raise their children and when they were old enough, they would despise their father for being responsible for their mother's death. Arthur knew that those emotions were like, for he had experienced them after Morgause's manipulative illusions of his mother. He knew what that kind of hatred was like . . . and Arthur would not try to justify himself. He would not defend his actions. He would . . . . . . he would not let her die.

"Your life is not meant to end now. I will not let you do this Guinevère." His voice was strong, defiant of her decision. "I refuse to let you give your life for mine." No matter what it took. "So do not speak as if these are your last days. They are not. I swear to you, that I will find a way to save you." On his honor, he would. Because the alternative was too painful to even consider. His mind could not even begin to wrap around the notion of a world without Guinevère. A world without hope, kindness, light, compassion, love . . . and all those other things that she encompassed and had always represented to him. "I love you. Too much to let you go. Too much to permit this path you have chosen." He would change it. Was there a way to go back to the Isle and demand that everything be set on the path it was meant to take? Was there another means . . . of magic? Magic had claimed his father's life, and now it would claim his wife's. Yet ironically, it could also be the only thing that saved her. Her, and their unborn child.

[Guinevère]

"It is no exaggeration when I say I am nothing without you." No! It was an exaggeration, and a lie! She loved him, not because of who he was after they had fallen in love but because who he was before they had! He had been a prince of the greatest kingdom there was, and he had risked his life to follow his servant to a small village in another kingdom and fight for their rights. He had taken the time to check to make sure a servant--her--would be alright in the fight.

He risked his life for kingdom and friend, and stood up to everything that came his way! Arthur was beyond brave, and beyond loyal and . . . . and . . . . and perfect. Perhaps not by everyone's standards but he was perfect fr her, and in her heart. "I do not believe that," She whispered, knowing it in her heart.

"Your life is not meant to end now. I will not let you do this Guinevère." Everyone was always speaking of the great and wonderful things that Arthur would do with him life. She was only giving him that chance. "if I have to die Arthur, there is no one I would rather die for then you. I love you. I want to give you this, and let you do wonderful things that everyone knows you will do."

"Live for me, Arthur. Do them for me. Please. I want to be able to watch you, and be proud of you. Do not fight this." For she did not wish to spend the next few days fighting with him about it. No matter what he believed about her feelings toward him, She knew they were pure. They strong. "I do not think this is something that can be undone."

[Arthur Pendragon]

"I do not believe that." He was not surprised to hear that, for she was too modest to acknowledge such a thing. And it was one of the many reasons he loved her. For such a great woman, she was so very humble . . . and he would not have it any other way. For he loved every single trait she possessed. His love for her would not have been as strong had he so easily been able to find fault. No. His Guinevère was perfect. And he refused to let her leave this world because he had such an imperfect husband. She spoke of how there was no one she would rather die for, and it caused Arthur's heart to swell with emotion . . . as well as ache from guilt. How could he have let this happen? How could he have done this to her? To their children? She spoke of what a great man he was, of all the wonderful things he would do . . . yet he had failed in protecting his family. For her death, would destroy it. Better him then her. That was all he could think of. For it had been his own actions that caused his death, be it his obliviousness to the assassin that dwelt near them. Or the fact that he had killed Odin's son.

She did not deserve to die for his mistakes. "You will not die." Denial. He knew that, but how could he speak to her as if she was already dying? As if this was her last night, even though he didn't know when that would be. "You ask me to live for you, yet you could not live for me." Because she had placed her life above his; just as his father did. And his heart could not bare losing someone else he loved so dearly . . . because of his own failures. He had barley survived his father's loss -- and even then, he would not have had it not been for Guinevère. Yet now she was asking him to endure her loss? This was not something that he would ever recover from. She was leaving a corpse behind; a husband who would be dead on the inside. Who's spirit would be broken. "I do not want to fight with you either," he told her, not saying these things to start a debate. "But I can't . . ." His voice caught, realizing the tears were forming in his eyes once more. Not that they had ever stopped.

"I can't live in this world without you." For if he lost her, he would not live. He would mindlessly linger in this world, void of any emotion. What kind of father would he be? What kind of king? "I do not think this is something that can be undone." There had to be a way. His life had been targeted for so long. But enemies envious of Camelot's wealth. Or by magic users who sought revenge for his father's actions. Surely, one would wish to claim his life for justice -- however skewed their perception of it may be. He need only find the right person, and thus, find a way to spare Guinevère. "I will find a way," he said with great determination. "I will not let you die for me." Too many had done so, and he would not sit by and let her give her life for him . . . especially not her. "The choice may have been stripped from my hands once, but I will not sit idly by and let you do this." His tone was not that of anger, but it held strength and fortitude. Because he loved her too much, to watch the life drain out of her.

[Guinevère]

"You will not die." She would, it was only a matter of when. Everyone had to die somehow and she wanted to make her life mean something more. She wanted to give it to the man she loved so that he might be able to live out his life stronger. "You ask me to live for you, yet you could not live for me." Not without him! "There are more who need you alive, Arthur. You are stronger then I."

"I will not let you die for me." "I wish you'd let me do this for you." "The choice may have been stripped from my hands once, but I will not sit idly by and let you do this." "And we shall spend what time either of us has at odds?" She asked him, hoping that they could have time together, and make some sort of happy memories. "I want to spend my time with my husband, and children . . . Please," She begged him. She knew Arthur might doubt in her love and need for him, but she knew perfectly how clear things were for her. "Please," There was only Arthur and her children.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"There are more who need you alive, Arthur. You are stronger then I." "Do not say that!" He protested as he stood from the table out of frustration. How could she think that?! How could she believe that more needed him alive?! She had a child growing within her! What about the unborn baby who needed its mother to help bring them into this world?! What about Anna and Amaren who needed their mother far more than their father! What about her brothers? Her family of heart? Her friends?! He took a few steps to the side, keeping his back to her for a moment, as her other words filled the air. She wanted to do this for him. And she didn't want to spend these moments at odds with each other. Neither did he. He hated fighting with her but . . . how could he act as if he was alright with all that had happened? Even with her pleas, he could not pretend like everything was fine. He was losing her. Each moment that passed was a moment closer to her leaving this world. Leaving him. He turned to look at her, not about to so quickly dismiss her earlier words.

Nor did he wish to dismiss her pleading to not be at odds and just spend time together. "My life is not more valuable then yours," he reiterated, having said these words not long ago. "How can you even think that? How can you believe that there are people out there, who need me more then they need you? Do not tell me Guinevère, that you are worth less then me." He couldn't stand to hear that. He hated hearing it! "Do not tell me that I am stronger than you." Because that was not true either! He despised these circumstances, and he wished he had just taken his life when he knew he was dying. He would have sacrificed time with his family, if it meant that she stayed alive. Why hadn't he done that. Why had he let her do this?! "Nothing can be further than the truth. And if you truly believe your words, then the fault is mine. For ever making you feel anything less than valuable, and worth more than anything else in this world." The only thing that compared to her, was their children. Even the one yet unborn.

[Guinevère]

"You have never--in any single moment--made me feel as if I was not the most important person too you since the moment you first kissed me, Arthur." She told him, wanting him to know that she had always known he loved her more then everything in his life--other then their children. "I do not believe that a single life with worth more then another, only that you are stronger then I. Tat you can protect the kingdom and more importantly our children."

"Kingdoms--millions of people--love and respect you Arthur. You are seen as a beacon of hope, and to ones whom would seek to harm others you are feared." He was needed more then herself. "Please do not doubt that you have done anything to make me feel unloved even in the smallest of ways. . . . . for I am the one who failed in that regard." For he still thought she loved another more then him, and still believed in his heart that she'd married him because the other were dead. "For I have honestly, and truly never loved anyone even an ounce as I love you."

[Arthur Pendragon]

She told She told him that she made him feel important and loved . . . yet all he could think about was how he had made her feel . . . inadequate. Was that the right way to describe it? Whatever emotions she had experienced these past few weeks. And now he would ultimately be responsible for her death. He couldn't have that. He couldn't live like this; knowing that every second of his life was because she had died for him. How could he ever be happy? That knowledge would never leave his mind . . . it would haunt him for the rest of his days. She spoke of how he could better protect the kingdom and the children, but that was so far from the truth. The child that grew inside of her needed her to bring them into this world. The people needed their queen. Their children needed their mother. Not only was his life going to kill Guinevère, but it would also kill the child. No.

He couldn't let this happen. His death had been Odin's fault . . . yet now hers would be his own. No one but his own. He was so desperate and yet he didn't know what he was desperate for. A way to reverse this . . . yet what could he ask of her? His fear was not making him rational enough to start finding a way to fix this; it was only making him more in need of convincing her not to do it. To help him fight against this and restore fate as it should have been. He moved toward her, falling to his knees in front of her as his hands rested in her lap where he held on her to her own hands. "You have not failed," he told her with firm belief in his words, yet his voice was weakening from the thought of losing her. "Do not ever believe you have failed." He shouldn't have said what he did that day. And then, she never would have felt this way.

"Live for me Guinevère. Years ago, you once asked me to do so for you." When she had saved his life by breaking the enchantment in the tent that day. "Now I am begging you to do the same for me." To live for him. To not give up because together, they could find a way to fix this. He knew they could. "I had tried so hard to protect those I love, yet time and time again I fail in doing so." Whether it was in the way his father had died for him . . . or his failings where as Morgana and Agravaine were concerned, as he had clearly done something to make them hate him so Either way, his family and loved ones had kept being torn from his grasp by his own actions, and Guinevère would be no exception if this happened. He moved her hands to his lips, just brushing them against her skin as he closed his eyes and lowered his head a bit. "Please don't give up." That was all he wanted; her to fight for him and help him fix this. Help him set this right. Because he could not lose her. Not this way . . . not ever.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère didn't want to die! She wanted to live! She wanted to safe with him forever! It seemed they had been so happy just not long ago and now there was so much between them. Be it her actions to safe him, his his belief that another was first in her heart. Her arms moved to go around him and Guinevère held onto him tightly. "I do not wish to leave my children, nor my husband." She told him, whispering for her voice could not raiser higher with the emotions in her.

"I want to grow old with you, I want to watch Amaren turn into his father and Anna become the woman I can only pray she will be." She wanted this . . . but she would not let Arthur die. "I will not stop fighting, but nor will I allow you to stop this." Because she knew the kingdom and the children would be safer with him here. He would keep them alive! "I love you . . . . More then anyone!! Please--please know that! I have never been happier, then as your wife and the mother of our children. Never!"