What The Water Gave Me [Freya]

[em]

Gauis had sent Merlin out that afternoon for, well? what else? Herbs! That was all Merlin had appeared to do lately and on top of that, run around after Arthur who was acting King. With Uther still in low spirits and keeping to his room, Arthur was now on a journey to what Merlin knew would be the height of his position. Despite not legally gaining the title, the Prince was certainly more of a King now than Merlin would've ever thought of him.

Merlin had decided that this afternoon he would pay another visit to the Lake of Avalon, purely for the fact that he would come here sometimes to clear his head. He would talk to Freya in the hope that she would hear him, whether it would just be ranting about Arthur or if he wasn't sure of what choice to make. He would try to make his visits frequent, but as he was in demand then they wouldn't be as frequent as he would have liked them to be. Freya had been the only one who he could actually relate to - in both terms of magic (and what it felt like to be different) and affection.

There were so many things that they could have done had she not have left him. It had been a nice surprise to see her and listen to her advice when they had been hiding out from Morgana and her army, but there had not been much time for them both. She would always hold a special place in Merlin's heart though, which is why he would sometimes come and talk to the lake. To her. He hadn't yet really let go of her.

He sat down and sighed, looking out onto the lake. At least he wouldn't be disturbed here, and the only witnesses he had when talking to himself were the birds and woodland animals.
"I told you that i would be back" he chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, knowing that he probably sounded mad. "Gauis has me running around on errands again. I guess...well, I guess I just needed some time to myself".
He shook his head, "I'm probably boring you with me moaning about what Arthur and Gauis put me through, I bore myself! But...I guess it's just nice to come here and know that you're here...listening." he finished and looked down at the dirt, tracing circles in it He hoped he was right, and that she was listening, because all that he had left of her now was his belief, and as strong as it was - it saddened him to know that she wasn't there anymore.

Merlin clasped his hands together, "Blóstma" he murmered and opened them. It had been the same spell that he'd cast when he'd been trying to conjur up some strawberries for Freya. Except, he'd produced a rose.
He stood up, clutching the flower in his hand and walked down to the edge of the lake, setting the rose down so it floated on the water. "Astyre" he muttered putting his hand out, and guiding the rose along the top of the water before it finally sank into the depths of the lake.

Hopefully Freya would know that it was for her. It was all for her.

Tagged: Freya
Timeline: Gap between S3 and S4
Setting: Lake of Avalon
Music: Florence + The Machine - Never Let Me Go
Notes: Astyre - Guide, Blóstma - Flower

[Deleted]

How long had she been here?

Days had turned into months, which had turned into years.

Two years she had been residing in the Lake of Avalon with little to no outside contact.

Had she been the person she had been before her…problem, she would have gone mad from the isolation. But after her ordeal with that vile curse she was grateful for the lack of human contact.

Freya was, in short, exhausted.

For whatever reason she was still alive. Or at least, existing. She wasn’t sure exactly why she had not moved onto the next life like she knew the rest of her family had. For whatever reason she was able to….live beneath the depths of the water, despite her previously life ending injuries.

Yet the recovery from her harrowing journey to her current existence had left her weakened. It had taken all the strength she had gathered over the year after her ‘death’ to aid Merlin, when asked for the sword beneath the lake. She had been so relieved to see him after being alone for so long….yet he had had to leave. She knew he had to, but it stung just the same. He had a destiny to achieve, after all. Growing up among the Druids had taught her quite a bit about the legacy that Emrys would bring to Alibion.

After helping him she weakened, but not as severely as she had when she had first been brought to the lake.

She had been conscious enough to hear him whenever he came to visit the lake, despite not being able to rise to the water to meet him. Only recently she had felt some of her previous strength returning, causing her to attempt something daring. If she rested enough, would she be able to walk upon land as she once had?

She had attempted it a month ago and had achieved a few shaky steps about the shore. But the weeks following had made her feel drained, but not defeated.

She knew she would try to walk again and, with him at the shore line, it seemed the perfect time to try again.

Her eyes flitted upward, toward the surface of the water, where a flower floated. Her brows furrowed as she saw it change its course to float downward. A smile spread across her face as she leaned up a hand to catch it.

A rose.

Steeling herself she began her descent upward, ignoring the burning that was already starting in her chest.

With a gasp she broke through the water, blinking as droplets rolled off of her eyelashes. She treaded water for a moment, relishing the feeling of the sun upon her face, before finally resting her gaze upon the young man at the shoreline.

“Merlin,” she murmured, her heart thudding against her chest in elation. Having not concentrated she accidentally dipped beneath the water but quickly broke through a moment later. Willing her limbs forward she pushed toward the shore. On shaky legs she stumbled up the bank.

“Adrúge,” she whispered, feeling her skin dry. How long had it been since she had felt…warm?

She nearly stumbled, holding out a hand to a tree growing near the shoreline to steady herself.

Had she had her full strength she would have run to him.

But with her current condition, she was faced with stumbling and taking steps as a babe would.

It was terribly embarrassing, but she couldn’t seem to care.

All that mattered was that he was with her.


(Adrúge- to dry)

[em]

Merlin had watched as the rose had sunk. He could feel the lump in his throat slowly shifting its way upwards. He hoped and hoped that she would know just how much that was for her. He sat back down by the edge of the lake, staring, wishing....waiting...hoping. He just wished that he could see her again. She wasn't like anyone he'd ever met. She had been more. So much more than that. At one point there was a time where he could have called her his own - before she'd gone that was.

Merlin had thought about her often after he'd sent off the funeral barge. The countless hours he'd spent shut away in his room looking for a spell that might just have allowed him to glimpse her one last time. There was nothing, and he had been angry at that.

It was only after he had launched the book across the room in frustration that the thought had waggled it's way into his head. Had he been in love with her? Merlin had no idea what love felt like. When he had been with Freya he'd felt free to be himself, anythng and anyone. There was no need to hide and no secrets to be kept. And he'd also kissed her, a couple of times acually. He'd regretted not doing so as she lay in his arms by the lake. There were so many things he wished he could have said to her. But he had to resort to speaking to the water instead in a hope that she would actually hear.

Merlin then realised that he was poking the ground so much with a stick that he'd now made a small hole. He looked up and around before back at the ground, but then did a double take.

No...no, it...it couldn't be...

She was there. On the shore? But how? Was that even possible to do that? Merlin stumbled to his feet, almost tripping up as he hurried towards her.

It was her. It was really her. Freya. His Freya.

He could feel the water prickling the back of his eyes slightly. "Freya?" he breathed, venturing towards her, with a grin that was starting to broaden across his lips.

[Deleted]

Each step sent a burning sensation up her legs, yet she continued to hobble toward him. The water called to her yet she refrained from ducking back beneath it. Who knew when he could next steal away to the lake to see her? And it had been far too long since last she had laid eyes upon him.

“Merlin,” she repeated, relief flooding through her tone.

She couldn't explain how good it was to see him again. It was beyond her capability to express her pleasure in it.

She reached toward him, her limbs shaking.

How she simply wanted to sit!

She grabbed onto his hand as she slowly lowered herself to the ground.

How…upsetting it was to her that she could barely walk without feeling winded. It was frustrating to find such a simple task so difficult.

“I….I’ve missed you.”

She squeezed his hand, reveling in the warmth from his skin upon hers.

She closed her eyes for a few moment, willing her heartbeat to even.

She had last around half an hour the last time that she had ventured from beyond the lake.

How long could she last this time?

An hour?

She hoped.

[em]

She looked weak, and it pained Merlin to see her like that again. "Freya?" he asked, taking her hands to steady her. She looked as though she was about to collapse! "Freya? How...how are you even here?" he asked, laughing a little with disbelief. He was more glad she was actually there with him physically.

“I….I’ve missed you.” he saw her close her eyes. It was as though she was fighting something or other.

"I've missed you too" he murmered and squeezed her hand, "Are you alright?" he asked gently. There was something not quite right about this. For one, Freya was actually on land with him, and two? Well...she looked like she was putting up a struggle with herself to stay there. "What's wrong?" he asked, cupping her face in his hands and looking worriedly at her.

Merlin bit his lip. He prayed that he wouldn't lose her all over again. She'd been so happy when she'd appeared to him last, and Merlin - no matter how surprised he'd been at the time - had been relieved to see her too.

[Deleted]

Freya wanted to cry.

She wanted to laugh.

She simply wanted to embrace him.

But instead she settled for his hands on hers.

“It’s….it’s difficult,” she explained, willing herself to take deep breaths. Slowly the burning in her chest was starting to recede. Her lungs, so long used to water, now seemed to reject the air that she had once lived on. His hands on her face sent her heart reeling. With a shaky laugh she placed her hands over his, smiling.

“But you’re here, and that is all that matters.”

She’d put up with this feeling of exhaustion just to see him smile once more.

The pain would recede in a few minutes; it was just the initial departure from the water that had given her trouble the last time she had left.

“I’m not used to leaving….Just give me a moment….”

[em]

Merlin was becoming a little worried now. She was having trouble breathing, just like a fish out of water. Obviously the large adjustment to her environment was impacting on her body. She'd been in the lake for a couple of years, and now she was back on dry land. That transition would be a very hard one to make. “It’s….it’s difficult,” she was now trying to say. Merlin quickly shook his head. "Don't try to talk if it hurts..." however she carried on, “I’m not used to leaving….Just give me a moment….”

So she could leave the lake? How? When? Why? There were so many things that Merlin wanted to ask, yet Freya was still so very fragile.
It all seemed to start to piece together in Merlin's head now. Freya could leave the lake to some extent. He wanted to know how long for. It seemed clear that it caused her some pain when doing so, and Merlin didn't want that. Not when she could have more time to grow stronger and adjust to her surroundings. Well, if she could. Everything was still so hazy to him and he was also becoming a little overwhelmed. She was still there, with him. But then again she wasn't. It was oh so confusing.

He sighed sadly, "Freya...if it gives you that much pain then perhaps you're not ready to leave yet." he looked at her, "Do you know how much time you have left?"

Notes: Gah, that was so OOC

[Deleted]

Freya closed her eyes, breathing as calmly as she could. Slowly she felt the pace of her breathing even, as it once had when she had been alive. The air stung her nose a bit when she breathed yet it was something that she could ignore after a time. She pointed her toes, causing the muscles in her legs to stretch. It felt almost as if she had a new limb and must learn how to use it.

She opened her eyes, realizing that he had asked her a question.

“It was about a half an hour last time,” she guessed, thinking that to have been the correct time.

“Just…” She inched closer to the water, allowing her legs to dangle into the water.

Relief rolled through her, much like the ripples in the water caused by her feet.

Better. Much better.

She looked up at him sharply at his words.

“You…you want me to leave?”

She had been waiting for this moment, to finally see him face to face, for ages.

She knew that he was concerned, but it stung just the same.

Her hands slowly dropped back to her lap.[/color]

[em]

Half an hour? That was hardly enough time, but he supposed he had to make every minute moment count. After all, he wanted to see her again and he had got his wish. “You…you want me to leave?”
Merlin looked back at her. He quickly shook his head, "No...no, no - I just...forget what I said.." he quickly brushed his earlier words off, realising that he was stumbling over them as much as he was trying to get them out.

"Are you hungry?" he asked and smiled knowingly at her, "I could always find some strawberries?" Yes. Strawberries would do nicely. They would always remind him of Freya. "Ooooor..."he plucked some bread from the basket he'd been carrying, "There's always this...it's not much but, well y'know" He shrugged, a little embarassed.
He was acting just like he had done when he first met her. He half expected Gauis to yell at him tonight when he was wandering around humming again. The last time Merlin had done that he'd irritated the physician so much that he'd been forced to sit down.

"If we have only half an hour, then im going to make this the best half an hour ever" He grinned at her and passed her some bread. "You can have anything you want...Just say".

[Deleted]

Freya watched him stumble over his words, realizing that she had read too far into them. He was just concerned, it seemed. She inwardly kicked herself for accusing him and instead stared down at her lap in embarrassment. She didn’t wish to be a nag, and was succeeding it seemed in ruining their time together. She looked up as he rummaged around in his basket.

“Strawberries,” she whispered, a ghost of a smile gracing her lips.

She couldn’t hear the word without thinking of him.

Her eyes flitted toward the bread in his hand. Her current state didn’t require food nearly as much as she had in life. Yet the chance to eat actual food was something she didn’t want to pass up.

Murmuring a ‘thank you’ she took the bread from his hands, accidentally brushing her fingertips against his. Her cheeks tinged pink as she brought the slice up to her lips. Why was she feeling so shy all of a sudden? Hadn’t she pictured this moment countless times? What happened to the lines she had practiced?

Closing her eyes she savored the taste.

She never knew that simple bread could taste so marvelous.

After she had finished nearly half of the slice she answered his question.

“Just stay with me, please.”

That’s all she wanted.

[em]

Merlin looked down as her fingers brushed his, before looking back at her and smiling. It was then he decided that perhaps he should make this moment a bit more special. The blossom from the trees were swirling around in the air slightly before falling carelessly to the ground. He put up his hand, "chorgléo" he murmered as the blossom slowly started to take the form of a woman dancing, spinning and twirling around in the air in front of them.

Merlin looked to Freya and grinned, remembering when he'd made the lights of the candles float and dance in the air. The blossom woman continued to dance across the air, before changing into a horse - and one that was galloping. Merlin slowly lowered his hand and the blossom exploded sending a shower of it down upon the pair of them. He laughed slightly and shook his hair to shake some of the blossom from it. "That wasn't meant to happen like that" he told her sheepishly.

He looked down to where her hand was resting, slowly moving his across and placing it on top of hers. "I won't leave you" he told her, "Not until I have to." By which he meant that she would have to return to the lake. "I promise."

Notes: chorgléo - dance

[Deleted]

Freya looked up as she heard him utter the word, her lips breaking into a smile as the petals formed a shape. A laugh burst from her lips in delight as the petals moved as if alive. When had she last laughed? The sound seemed foreign to her. Her lips parted slightly as she watched the petals float. Her gaze followed the petals once they transformed, not being able to take her eyes from them.

Jumping slightly as the petals began to flutter over them, she laughed.

“It was perfect,” she said, glancing up at him.

She sobered as his hand covered hers. She didn’t want him to leave. Was it selfish of her? If it was, she couldn’t help it. Why was she robbed of having a normal life?

Hesitantly she leaned her head upon his shoulder, closing her eyes. He felt so warm. After ages of being beneath the water the feeling of warm skin upon her own was something that she hadn’t realized she’d missed.

“I don’t want to go back.”

It was much more bearable with her legs in the water but that still wouldn’t be enough after her time was up.

[em]

He felt her head lean against his shoulder and looked down at her. She'd calmed now that she'd had some time adjust to the air instead of water. She seemed more relaxed, and the more relaxed she was; the more relaxed he was too. He smiled broadly - clearly nothing was going to wipe it from his face today.

Just the feel of her was bringing back memories, how they'd fled from Halig and hid under the tunnels, huddling closely together at the time whe he'd followed Merlin down to the tunnels in search of her. She'd been scared, and Merlin had kept his guard up at all times. She had no reason to scared anymore. In all fairness, she seemed far happier than the cursed druid girl that he'd spent nights in a tunnel with, conjuring strawberries and livitating candles.

It was only then that Merlin registered that Freya had spoken about not wanting to go back. He didn't want her to either. He had no idea whether there would be any other opportunity for her to leave the lake again. That thought saddened him. He looked down at her again. "Can you leave the lake again?" he murmered. Or would this be it? Their last parting? He truly hoped that this wasn't the case, and that she would be there waiting for him again.

[Deleted]

Freya had plenty of time to think during her time in the lake, and her thoughts are turned quite often to the life she could have had. Had she not been cursed, would she have taken a husband by now? Had babes of her own? She had thought she would have followed in the footsteps of her fellow female tribe members and helped to bring more Druids into the world by now. But alas, it was never to be.

Would she have found someone like Merlin? Or would it have been Merlin himself? She thought back to his earlier promise to run away with her. Oh, how it would have been! She would have adored having him be the first and last thing she laid eyes upon each day. She bit her lip to chase away the thoughts; they were only in vain.

“I’ll try again. It just takes some time to build my strength up afterward.”

She kicked her foot slightly in the water, creating ripples.

“Staying in contact with it helps. Last time I didn’t even put a toe in and it was much more difficult.”

[em]

So she could come back again. That was some consolation. Merlin watched her kick her feet in the water. It was almost as though she was holding onto her lifeline. "You know i'd wait for you" he told her, and then blushed slightly at that fact that it had come out almost too quickly and bluntly for his liking. "To leave the lake again that is..." he managed to save himself from starting to dig a hole. He would wait.

He leant forward and allowed his hand to wade through the water. "I never actually thought i'd see you again..." he started, "but when you appeared to me in the cave when we were hiding from Morgana's men...I...I really didn't know what to think." he admitted and then reallised that probably sounded wrong anyway, "I was happy...of course I was, but it was...well it was just unreal - and when I turned back to talk to you after Gwaine interrupted, you were gone." A look of sadness crossed his face. "Thankyou though, for the sword...for everything."

It was Freya who had given him Excalibur. The sword that had slain the guards as well as the cup of life. He owed everything to her. "Without you...we would'n't have survived." But here he was now. Still living - and right now he felt like he was more than before.

[Deleted]

Freya looked up sharply at his words, feeling her heart constrict. Wait for her? But then he nervously switched his words, implying that he was to wait for her to leave the lake again. She blushed, having read too far into them again. Although she was elated that he thought well enough of her to actually think about waiting to see her again, she also felt terribly selfish. He should have a chance at a normal life like the one that she had been denied. Just because he was destined to become the greatest wizard of their age didn't mean that he couldn't have some normalcy in his life.

She smiled, feeling some of her doubt from moments before drift away.

"I told you that I would repay you," she said, watching his hand sift in the water. "I had been waiting so long to help you....to see you. I just wish it had been under different circumstances."

"You did so much for me....you still are." She felt her blush deepen as she idly kicked her foot under the water. Was she potentially making a fool of herself?

Hesitating, she squeezed his hand, glancing up at him.

[em]

Merlin smiled to himself as he continued to wade his hand through the water. She had repaid him far more than anyone else. It was her act alone that took back Camelot, had she not have given him the sword. "I had been waiting so long to help you....to see you. I just wish it had been under different circumstances."
He bit his lip at this. To have her here with him now still seemed unreal, but there she was - by his side. Her touch to him was proof of that. "I know..." he replied, "I...I just wish could have done more for you - then perhaps it would have been different." Indeed it would have. They were going to leave Camelot and run away together, had Freya not have decided to go. None of that mattered now - and Merlin didn't blame her for wanting to leave quietly. She hadn't wanted to hurt him.

"You did so much for me....you still are."

He felt her squeeze his hand and looked down at her, finding that she was already looking at him. The last time they'd actually been this close was in the tunnels when he'd kissed her. He didn't know whether now was the right moment, and instead chose to smile weakly at her. "I just wanted you to be happy - to be able to go places where people like Halig wern't hunting you down or chaining you up." he told her, "It was my fault with what happened to you." Of course it was - people he'd known and loved had died because of his faults and ill advised decisions. Freya, Will, Gwen's father (even of Uther had been held responsible)...the list went on.

To distract himself from these thoughts, he held up his hand to the water "fléogenda befleógan" he muttered, sending a bird made out of water fluttering out of the lake and swooping around the air, not realising that his other hand was squeezing Freya's almost on instinct.

Notes: fléogenda - Bird, befleógan - fly around

[Deleted]

"Oh!"

She hadn't wished to make him feel guilty. No, her intentions had not been that at all. She stared down at her feet beneath the water, trying to think of something to salvage the situation. She listened to him blame himself further, finally raising her head.

"You mustn't blame yourself," Freya insisted, her tone earnest. "What happened to me was not of your doing. If the Prince hadn't killed me, someone else would have. It....it was only a matter of time."

She cleared her throat awkwardly, glancing at the ripples in the water caused by his hand.

"Do more?" she questioned, having heard him wishing he could have helped hr further.

She paused, watching as his water bird fluttered about them. A small smile tugged at her lips as she watched his work. She loved how easy it seemed for him to conjure these little things without a second thought. It was pleasing to see him able to relax.

Squeezing his hand in return she shyly glanced up at him.

"But you did do something for me. Remember what I told you? You made me feel loved. And that's more important to me than my freedom or my life had been."

[em]

Merlin made the bird shower drops of water over them. He still had her with him and that was comforting to him. At least the water was keeping her here. Merlin looked at her, not seeing the cursed druid girl anymore, but a content lady who wanted nothing more than to just feel the sun on her face again. "It's hard not to" he told her, "when i've lost so many people already because of my judgement - trying to do what's right for Arthur and Camelot, only for it to go wrong"

He looked back out to the water again. "It seems that destiny always comes with a price".

He caught her glancing up at him again,but not keeping that much eye contact. He let out a small chuckle, "Come on Freya - you know me, there's no need to be shy" his head turned to her, "Unless...unless you're afraid of me?" the question came out with uncertainty. Some people had been afraid of him before, but that was back home where he had no idea just how to control his powers. Only Will had understood, and had thought it was brilliant - whereas others had simply looked at him differently.

"Either way, I couldn't save you enough."

"Remember what I told you? You made me feel loved. And that's more important to me than my freedom or my life had been."

"Because I did lo..." he trailed off and shook his head wondering what on earth had come over him, "It doesn't matter anymore." No, not anymore. That had been long ago. He was different now. Changed by what he'd seen and far stronger than before.

[Deleted]

Freya lifted her face upward as the water sprayed down on them, smiling at the feeling of the droplets on her skin. It was utterly refreshing, despite it being just a sprinkling of water. Any bit of liquid from Avalon was enough to soothe her. She bit her lip as he continued to blame himself. Did he not know who he was? Who he would become? The Druids had been singing songs of him for hundreds of years, telling all what the sorcerer Emrys would accomplish for Albion. She wished that she could bring him to one of the Druid camps to listen to the tales spoken of him. But with her current situation, it seemed impossible.
She glanced up at him, still feeling the blush upon her cheeks. Afraid of him? Of course not! She just was feeling exceptionally shy around him. It made sense, she thought, being such a way around someone you've kissed.

"No, that isn't it," she said, allowing a smile to flit across her lips.

Her breath caught in her throat as he spoke once more yet, cutting himself off at the word she had been straining to hear. Yet he stopped speaking, brushing off the declaration she had been waiting for. To top it off, he added that it was no longer a concern.

She felt the blood that had invaded her cheeks recede.

Had she been alone she might have let the tears that were pooling in her eyes to fall. Yet she couldn't, not with the boy that she had thought still loved her.

Did she love him? She had never felt anything like the way she felt when she was around him. Or when he had kissed her. They had both risked so much for each other.

She thought about him often, waiting for the day that they would finally meet.

Yes, that was love to her.
"Oh."