What The Water Gave Me [Freya]

[em]

He felt terrible now. Freya looked as though she was about to cry. Wait...was it because he hadn't said...no - yes there had been affection and passionate declerations between them, especially on his behalf. He had cried when she died. Was that how love felt? Merlin didn't know and put it down to loosing someone who actually understood. He had loved her yes, but right now he had no idea how he felt. He was a bundle of emotions given the current happenings.

"I...I'm sorry I just..." he stumbled, "Forget it, I should have never said anything" There it was again, the brushing off of something that he could have said to her, but was too afraid to. At least she wasn't scared of him.

Merlin stared out onto the lake in silence, before he could finally choose what to say without upsetting her. "I suppose I did love you, but I couldn't actually see it at the time until you were gone" he admitted, "In all truth i've never been in love before that, so I didn't really know what those feelings were and why I was getting them." He had seen how special she was, and it was only now that by piecing together every memory of one another that they had - there was something there. Was it still there? He didnt know. Although when he first saw her again back when the vial of water had spilt, he could feel that same feeling start to swirl in his chest.

"Freya..." he began but stopped himself, now unsure how to word the next part, "I...I just...well I still think you're special" he murmered then becoming more confident and adding on what he wanted to say on the end, "to me"

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Freya cleared her throat, staring down at her feet through watery eyes. She had been foolish to think that he had retained any sort of romantic feelings toward her. She hadn't seen him, in person, in years. He might have met someone else, or fallen in love by now. And he deserved it. He desrved the chance to have a normal life, and a normal lover. She shouldn't hold him back.

But she couldn't help it.

She wanted him to feel the way that she felt about him.

She listened intently as he said that he loved her before, and she allowed herself to cling to the words. But her happiness was short lived, as she noticed the past tense of his words. But he was speaking again, making her hang on every word.

'Special'. It was 'love', but she would take it.

"I...I feel the same about you," she managed to tell him, not being able to look up from the water.

"I've been thinking about you, since I came here. Of what....could have been."

She blushed.

"It's silly of me."

[em]

Merlin shook his head at her words. "It's not silly" he said honestly, "Really...because I felt the same too - its just..." he paused, "Back then - I was younger and inexperianced. I didn't know what my feelings were but I knew that for you, they were strong..."
It was forbidden. No matter how great the feelings were, it could never be...could it?

"They still are..." he finished and quickly stood up, running his hands through his hair. "We could've been together" he admitted, "We should have run away when we had the chance". They wouldn't have been in this situation now - they would have been happy. Together. Far away from Camelot. No destiny. No obstacles. Just Love, a small village, a few fields, a couple of cows...and a Lake.

He turned to her. He had thought about her, especially more so after the Morgana incident. They both still felt something and that was for sure. Taking a few steps towards the lake, he looked out onto it, a small frown now drawn to his brows. Why was it that now it all seemed so impossibly hard, and yet so simple?

"What I feel for you now..." he began, "It hasn't changed - I know that much". He felt more for her than before and now he was only starting to realise it. Why did he just have to be so pressimistic about it? There was nothing stopping him from just walking up and kissing her like he had done so a few years back.

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He was still talking of the past, which was sinking her hopes even furher. Maybe it truly had been foolish of her to hold onto something that had happened in a matter of days. Yet she couldn't help but hold onto the possibility that he might still love her. It would crush her if she gave up the dream entirely.

She moved to reach for him, yet he stood. Quickly she retracted her hand, watching as he moved toward the lake. Carefully she stood too, still feeling a bit unsure on her legs. He was right; they should have run away. But that would have alerted him to her condition, which she hadn't been willing to do. It had backfired regardless.

She took a small step toward him, rather confident that she would be able to make it to him. After all, he was her end goal.

Freya placed a light hand upon his arm, looking up at him.

"It hasn't?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

[em]

"No" he replied, feeling the pressure of her hand on her, "It hasn't". He looked down at her. She was still the same to him and apprently her feelings hadn't changed in the years that they had been apart.

Merlin turned to her, noticing that she was now out of the water. Hopefully she would be ok for a little while longer. He rested his hands on her hips and looked into her eyes. "Freya..." he began but found himself just staring at her, as though they'd merely been seperated for two minutes rather than two years. "I can't hide my feelings from you, even if I wanted to...they are still here and I can feel them. Even after such a long time apart...i just..." he paused.

"I just don't want to end up seeing you hurt again..." he told her, knowing full well that whoever associated themselves with him were playing with fire, and would be burned eventually. His hands brushed a lock of hair from obscuring her face, fingers slightly traching obver her cheek bone.
"Perhaps..." he then shook his head and gave a small laugh, "No...you wouldn't let me." he told her. The idea he had right now, to try and figure out and confirm just what he was feeling, was insane.

[Deleted]

Freya didn't feel nearly as comfortable as she had with her feet in the lake, but she would stand it. To be so close to him, to stand on her own two feet before him, was enough of a prize. She ignored the slight shake in her legs as he spoke to her. Although, as he continued, she was starting to think that the shaking was from nerves and not from her lack of contact with the water.

His hands, innocently on her hips, seemed to burn their imprint into her skin. Not that she minded, of course. She would think about that warm touch for days to come. Her hands came to rest on his shoulders, feeling him through the fabric of his jacket.

"They haven't faded," she admitted, fighting off a blush. "Not a bit, since I last saw you." It sounded a bit desperate, but she couldn't help it.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take."

She'd rather be loved by him and suffer, than never be loved at all.

She closed her eyes as his fingertips came into contact with her cheeks, savoring the feeling. He was so warm....

She opened her eyes abruptly as he spoke once more.

Was he talking about what she thought he was talking about? What she had been craving since she last saw him?

Grasping his hand upon her cheek she stared up at him.

"You won't know if you don't try."

[em]

Merlin could see that Freya was beginning to show signs of weakening without the feel of the water on her feet anymore. He needed to spend more time with her. As if on impulse he scooped her up into his arms like he had done when carrying her to the lake before, and walked back to where they'd been sitting. He placed her down gently by the lake, allowing her feet to rest in the water. "There..." he said, "You shouldn't do that - It weakens you."

What had he been saying? Oh yes, about them. About how she was willing to take the risk. It was a risk that Merlin knew would be a great one. On his part anyway. As her hand grasped his resting on her cheek, he knew that she was right. He would never know if he tried.

Merlin leant over and gently pressed his lips against hers, just like he had done before. Was it what she had wanted or expected? It was what he expected. The same familiar sensation in the pit of his stomach was still there, so that was a good sign. Merlin pulled away and looked at her for a few moments. He had no idea what she was thinking, and right now he knew all too well how reckless this could potentially be. The thing was - he was Merlin, and right now he didn't care about that. It was what he felt that mattered.

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Freya gasped, having not expected him to pick her up. She held onto him as he carried her, only relaxing when she realized that he wouldn't let her fall. Of course he wouldn't; this was Merlin. It reminded her of the last time he had taken her to the lake, only then she had been fighting too hard to stay conscious to relish the feeling of his arms around her.

A soft sigh escaped her lips at making contact with the water once more.

There, that was better.

"It's worth it," she insisted, knowing that she would undergo the burning in her lungs and limbs just for a few extra minutes with him. Her eyes locked onto his and, before she knew it, his lips met hers.

The familiar flutter of excitement and contentedness filled her at the simple touch of flesh. Her hands came to rest on his shoulders, anchoring herself to him and this world. Once he had broken away her lips remain parted, still stuck in the awe of being with him.

Without thinking she moved to kiss him, realizing that it was ten times better than she had last remembered it.

[em]

"Well, that was ni..." he was cut off as Freya kissed him again?! Blimey. Not that he was complaining of course, infact, it was quite nice. It felt like it had done the last time it had happened. Where the hell should he put his hands?! At the moment they were resting awkwardly by his side. Did she want him to put one arm around her? Merlin didn't even know whether she was just kissing him again to shut him up.

He soon found that his hands acted by themselves. One of them snaking across and round the front of her waist. He had missed this. He had missed her, and it was only now that he was staring to realise how much. Merlin soon found that he was actually deepening the kiss more so than before. Yes, he was making up for lost time, but still was unsure as to how long she would be here with him for. Best to make the most of it now than regret it.

"I...erm..." he murmered as he broke off, but found that still he had no idea as to what to say to her after that. "Was...that what you wanted?" he asked, a little unsure of what Freya had meant earlier.

[Deleted]

He hadn't pulled away from her.

That was a good sign, right?

She felt ridicously pleased when his arm moved around her. In response, she raised one hand from his houlder to rest gently against his cheek. For a moment she lamented that she could not have this always. He would have to leave eventually and she would be forced back to the water. Instead of resting on this upsetting notion she instead focused on the fact that he was here. And kissing her!

Once he pulled away she found herself breathing deeply, although not merely from being out of the water. No, she was fighting for breath because he had simply taken it away. She had never been kissed like this before. Her first had been in that tunnel what seemed like ages ago.

"It was....and so much more." She knew she was acting a little boldly, but she couldn't help it.

[em]

He nodded at her response, a little unsure as to what to say next. "Good" he nodded in approval, "Reeeeeeeeeeeeeally good...". Shifting his body slightly more towards her, Merlin rested back against the ground, one hand behind his head propping it up slightly. He'd never appreciated the view before; not even when he'd gone thhere various times to think and talk to the water, it had been then that all he remembered of the lake were sad memories. Now, it held a new and very different meaning.

He turned his head to Freya and smiled, glad that he was able to have something to look forward to when he came back to the lake. Gauis would now be wondering where on earth he'd got to, but Merlin didn't care. He'd stay at the lake with Freya until it was time for her to return to the water.

"I can still try and have a go at making some strawberries?" he grinned at her.

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Freya leaned back, using her hands to prop herself up, and looked up toward the sky. She, unlike Merlin, would rather no look at the lake and its surroundings. She had lived there for years and after so long of being faced with water she simply wished to gaze and the sun, the clouds, the sky.

His speaking caused her to look back at him, a smile bursting forth. It was a little crazy that such a simple touching of lips was enough to have her heart threatening to burst from her chest. She wanted to ask him when he would next be back. Maybe tomorrow? Would she be strong enough? But he had a job....a destiny, really. She was doomed to stay in this lake for who knew how long.

His question helped to expel any upsetting thoughts she was having. Giggling, she nodded.

"I'd love it!"

[em]

Merlin grinned and tightened his free hand into a fist. Muttering a few words, the flash of colour across his eyes and the strawberries that were now falling from his grasp and onto his face were enough to know that he had actually done it. After what? Two years?

He laughed to himself and picked some of the strawberries off from where they'd landed on him, passing them to Freya. "I...er...didn't think they'd do that" he looked a little embarassed but went back to his resting position. "and after two years you would've thought i'd be able to not mess something as simple as that up."

The suns position had now moved in the sky above them, appearing as though it was indeed mid afternoon. Merlin had been out all day and soon it would be getting darker, but he was staying, no matter how much Gauis protested when he was back. "I didn't think that I would ever be lying here now." he admitted, "For a start Arthur always has me running about doing this and that, "Clean this Merlin! Polish that Merlin - MERLIN!"" he joked and then turned serious, "but honestly, I never thought that I would ever see you again after you gave me the sword."

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Freya watched as he concentrated on procuring the fruit. She watched him, feeling surprisingly proud to see him using his gift. He was so talented; it was a terrible shame that he could not use his abilities more often. But instead he had to live under the ever watchful gaze of Uther who would never forgive any magical act. It made her sick with worry to think that one day he would slip up and someone would see what he was capable of. Her own death had been a terrible experience, yet she believed learning of his would kill her in a way that the prince’s sword had not.

She laughed as the fruit slipped from his hands onto his face. She smiled as he passed them to her before taking one up to her lips, whispering a ‘thank you‘. The first bite had her closing her eyes, savoring the taste. Oh! When had she last eaten strawberries? Back before she had known Merlin, before she had come across that man and his sorceress mother. She sighed happily, swallowing the fruit before opening her eyes. She held one out in her hand to him, wishing him to share in her happiness.

“Mess up?” she asked, laughing. “No you didn’t. They’re marvelous!”

She glanced up, taking note of the time that had passed.

“Are you going to be missed? I don’t wish to get you in trouble.” But part of her did want to keep him here as long as possible, even though it was selfish. She half-smiled as he mentioned Arthur. “It will all be worth it, one day,” she said, confidence in her tone. “You’ll see.” The stories she had heard of them! The bards would be singing of the feats that they would accomplish for hundreds and hundreds of years.

“I hoped I would see you again. Face to face as I am now.”

She felt a blush tinge her cheeks at such a candid confession before taking another strawberry to cover her embarrassment.

[em]

At least she was enjoying the strawberries. Finally he was able to conjure some up instead of something close to them. Just the smile that was on her face made him happy. Merlin watched as she ate the fruit - not having anything such as this for a long time must have been hard. At least now he could give her anything she wanted.

He took a strawberry from where she was offering him one and ate it. Yes. They would always remind him of Freya. Sweet, delightful and without flaw. He looked across to her as she spoke. “Are you going to be missed? I don’t wish to get you in trouble.”
"If I was then I still wouldn't care" he said with the determination that he used to have with her, returning. "Besides, collecting herbs isn't exactly the most important duty to be completed."

“I hoped I would see you again. Face to face as I am now.”
He looked over at her again, finding that she was now turning the same shade as the strawberry she'd just taken. A grin crept across his lips. "and I you...Im glad that...well y'know...Im able to sit here and talk to you again..."

There was a small pause before he finally murmered

"Face to face"

[Deleted]

Knowing that her cheeks were still tinted pink, Freya cast her gaze back to the remaining fruit. True she loved that he was taking time to see her, but she didn't wish for him to get into a fight with Gaius because he had stayed too long. But she was feeling far too selfish to tell him to leave. Who knew when she would next get the strength to stray beyond the lake?

She tried to hide the strain of inhaling as they sat beside each other. Even with her feet in the water her body was fighting the feeling of air in her lungs. She knew she would have to return to the water soon. But soon didn't have to be this moment.

"How have you....been? Since I last saw you?"

She wondered if there had been someone else in his life. A female. He hand't mentioned anything, and he had kissed her. But there could be someone waiting for him. A wife maybe.

[em]

Merlin could see that she was struggling to breathe. He didn't want her to be in any pain because of him. Yes Freya was a determind one, but when it came down to the choice between her going through pain because of him and leaving now to get back into the water safely knowing that they would meet again - Merlin would choose the latter. He frowned slightly. "You need to get back into the water - you're starting to suffer being up here too long".

But as ever the conversation changed to how he had been. He shrugged this off. His life had been just as it ever would be. Destiny. Saving Arthur and not getting any thanks because of what he was hiding. Running errands for Gauis. It would all just be a circle and Merlin would see himself through it. "Same as ever" he shrugged again, "Just doing my job and being me - nothing special really" he gave her a smile. "What about you?"

Merlin hoped that she hadn't been risking herself like this before they'd met again. Soon she would have to go back to the water and he would have to get back to Gauis and back to his duty, not knowing if he would ever see her again - but there was always hope.

[Deleted]

"I can wait a little longer."

Freya would put up with the pain that the seperation from her watery home was causing, if it meant talking to Merlin for a few more minutes. Even with her feet dangling in the water she knew that her body would eventually crave to be fully submerged. It had been her lungs the previous time that she had left the lake that had first caused her the most pain. There was a dull pain forming in her chest, which wasn't enough to distract her from him just yet.

"I would suffer much worse just to talk to you," she admitted, feeling her cheeks tinge pink with such a declaration.

She glanced at her feet in the water, knowing that their time was limited.

She had to so much to tell him, so much to talk about!

"I've tried to walk on the shore once before," she explained, when he asked her what she had been up to. "It was quite a while ago though." She half smiled. "I've been hoping that you'd come by. I wanted to see you on land in that case."

She dipped her hand into the water, cupping it and then spreading her fingers so that the droplets dropped back into the lake.

"You must take care, though, on your journeys with Arthur. There is so much that you and the prince must still overcome and I fear for you."

She met his gaze, her anxiety genuine.

This was just the beginning of the journey the two young men would take.

[em]

She couldn't wait and he knew that. He didn't her to go through anymore pain because of him - he caused enough before, and to see it again. Well, he didn't like it. Not one bit. It just made all the memories resurface. "You NEED to get back in the water" he stressed, "Remember how I told you that I would look after you?" he asked her, "well, this is me looking after you."

Wait...she'd been on shore before? It was dangerous for her now, she shouldn't be trying things like that. Then again, if she was confident and adament enough that she could do it then he had faith that she would become stronger within time. Merlin just didn't like the thought that air could possibly kill her, when he used it to keep himself alive. "You should have told me before..." he said quietly, "You should have told me that you were going to attempt to come ashore" his eyes met hers, "I would've helped." He felt his words become far more quiet, as though they were both sharing a secret.

"You must take care, though, on your journeys with Arthur. There is so much that you and the prince must still overcome and I fear for you."

Merlin pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around them so as he was hugging them. He gave a small scoff at this, "Don't I know it..." a sigh escaped him. Everyone who knew about his gift seemed to expect him to be this great warlock who with Arthur united Albion, he felt very far from it lately.

[Deleted]

Freya took note of the concern in his words, knowing that he was right. She would have to return to the water or else her next attempt at walking upon the shore would not happen for quite some time. "Well, I shan't wish to upset my protector," she teased, smiling at him as she inched herself closer to the water. Carefully she slid into the liquid before fully submerging herself. She remained beneath it for about thirty seconds before popping her head up, treading water as she smiled at him.

So little time under the water, and already her lungs were thanking her for it.

It was an odd sensation being beneath the water in her....state. A normal person would emerge wet and cold. But she....she felt and looked as she was on land.

He expressed his cocnern and wish to help her. She reached forward, taking his hand. "Then next time I would be most grateful for your help," she replied, knowing that if she saw him waiting for her it would be the extra push she needed to leave her watery abode. "Within a month or so I should be able to try this again. At least, that was how it was last time."

She remembred quite well the feeling of utter exhaustion that had plagued her after her short trip around the shoreline last time.

She furrowed her eyebrows as he spoke of knowing of what destiny had in store for him.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Merlin," she started, wishing for him to know how far he would one day succeed. "If I was still welcome among my people...." She could never step into a druid camp again. "If I was, I would take you to them, for you to hear of the stories they tell of what is to come."

It was all a fantasy, as the druids would never accept her again. And never again would she be able to stray from her lake. Or at least, to her knowledge.