All That You'll Leave Behind [Hunith]

[em]

He'd spent the morning doing the odd job around the house whilst his mother worked. Merlin did all that he could to help her. Getting firewood, sweeping, general cleaning - attempting to make dinner (most of the time it would end up going horribly wrong, and he'd resort to looking at the broom, which would thenmove to sweep up the bits.). Today was another day. Will had dragged him out to the wood
s earlier to help find wood for the fire, most of the time his best friend bantered on about how Merlin had it easy and could just make the logs appear back at his house without saying anything. That wasn't true. Merlin couldn't make anything appear or disappear just...move?

It was strange. All this life he'd been able to move things. To stop things falling...he'd never been able to explain it, and he was sure that his mother worried for him contantly. Merlin knew he was different from everyone else in the village, but he was never made to feel like an outsider - nor was he critisised for it. Only Will and his mother knew. This secret was kept from everyone else, despite the close-knit community. He'd never asked why or how he'd come to have this sort of 'gift' as his mother had put it. Merlin wasn't sure if he could even class it as that. All he knew that his mother said he was special, and that he was a little different from any normal person. Merlin knew he wasn't normal, and he never would be - but that hadn't stopped him from trying to lead a normal childhood, despite the strange occurances.

Now that he'd grown, he'd been able to control it a little more, being able to make things stop and move when he wanted them to. That was about as far as it went, whereas when he was younger, he would get upset if a jug suddenly spilt water over the floor for no reason, when he'd looked at it.

He had successfully made some stew for his mother when she returned. It wouldn't be long now. She seemed a little lost in her thoughts that morning, so Merlin had taken it upon himself to make her some supper and to have some freshly picked flowers waiting for her when she came home.

Chucking some more wood onto the fire, he pottered about for a while. With all the chores over for that day, now he could finally sit down for the evening.

Tagged: Hunith
Setting: Merlin and Hunith's Home, Ealdor - evening
Timeline: Before S1
Notes: yayayaayaya Mummy Merlin!!!

[Deleted]

It was possibly the hardest decision she had ever had to make. To lose Merlin was not something she would think about lightly, but for his safety, Hunith was willing to face Ealdor alone. She had been alone before, after all, but ... Merlin was her light and life. A memory and a hope. But she had to let him go. Finding out that he had told his best friend about his gift had terrified her; more than she had let on. William was a good child, but sometimes he said things, and if he said the wrong thing to the wrong person... Merlin could end up dead, or worse.

So it was with a heavy heart that Hunith returned to her house that night, knowing she would have to tell Merlin he was to leave, to travel away from her, and away from home. She entered their home, the smell of food instantly wafting to her nose. With a sad smile she realised her son had made the effort to make a meal - admittedly, he usually did, but for some reason it was hitting her harder than usual - probably because of the decision she had to make.

"Merlin?" Called Hunith, as she took off her cardigane, placing it on a nearby hook. The sight of the flowers nearby caused a smile to come to her face, and tears rose to her eyes, though if Merlin should see she would blame that on the fire's embers.

[em]

"Merlin?"

He jumped up quickly from where he'd been mucking about trying to stack some spare wood by the fire. "Im here!" he grinned and headed to the table, picking up the flowers and passing them to his mother. "I thought you might like these...you didn't seem yourself this morning." Hopefully it was nothing that he'd done, his mother just didn't appear to be her usual self.

It was then Merlin caught sight of her expression. Her eyes. She was crying? Or looked as though the tears were threatening to fall at least. "What's wrong?" he asked concerned. "Has something happened?" His mother never cried in front of him. It was rare to say the least. She was always appearing so strong and yet now it looked as though she was about to crumble before him. "Have I done something?" he dared to ask. If he had then he wanted to know what he could possibly do to make it all right again.

"Please...don't cry - here sit down" he pulled up a stool, "I've got some stew that I made...and I didn't get it wrong this time" he smirked - trying to lighten her spirits.

[Deleted]

The flowers her son handed her brought a smile to Hunith's features, and she pulled him in for a strong hug. "Thankyou, Merlin," she said softly. He was always so aware of her emotions - she had tried to hide her worry for him, but the boy was no fool. Sometimes it was as though he knew her better than she knew herself. Perhaps he did.

But then he started asking questions, and Hunith cursed herself quietly for being so weak. Her heart almost broke as he asked if he had done something wrong, and she shook her head, putting the flowers down before turning to him. "No, not at all," she promised softly, honestly, taking his hands. "Merlin... there is something we need to talk about, though."

She took the stool he offered her, managing a weak smile. "You are such a good boy, Merlin," stated Hunith, truthfully. "I have been so blessed to have you in my life." she sighed softly. "I know you have questions... about your... gift."

[em]

He returned her hug with a tight one, smiling as she thanked him. At least that was something that had made her happy. "Merlin... there is something we need to talk about, though." That sentance alone made him freeze. Talk about what? The colour of the sky? Food? Bunnies and doggies? No, no...it wouldn't be any of those. He was worrying now - despite her protests earlier, perhaps he had done something wrong. "About what?" he asked quietly.

"You are such a good boy, Merlin,"

Merlin didn't like where this could be leading already. It was as though she was trying to break some horrifying news to him in the most gentle of ways. He pulled another stool up and sat opposite her, fiddling with his fingers as she spoke. "I know you have questions... about your... gift." He looked up at her at this - the firelight making his face brighter on one side, yet dark on the other. One side of hope and the other...of some kind of darkness with pain that was yet to fall on him?

What was she trying to say? To tell him. "No...I don't" he shook his head innocently, not really wanting her to carry on incase it happened to turn out to be something bad. He'd never raised any questions about his 'gift'. It had always been part of him since before he could talk. There really wasn't any explanation for it...was there?

"What's wrong?" he asked again, this time with a little more urgency in his voice. He had to know why she was acting so strangely, yet at the same time he really didn't want to.

[Deleted]

The expression on her son's face made Hunith want to weep, yet she would not, for she had already concerned and upset her son enough by seeming sad already. How could she tell him that, for his own safety, she might have to send him away? She didn't want to - he was the only joy she had left in life, but... there were people who could teach him so much more about himself. Gaius among them.

Though he tried to deny his curiosity, Hunith reached forward, taking Merlin's hands gently. "It would not be surprising, Merlin," she said quietly. A soft sigh, and then reluctantly she began to explain "There is someone who could... tell you more. Perhaps teach you more. I don't know." she bit her lip, forcing back the threat of tears, failling as a tear escaped and rolled its path down her cheek, eventually splashing silently onto the floor. "Merlin, there are those who would see your gift as being something to fear, something to hide. I worry for you, I worry that these people will find out about you."

Another breath, and then... "Merlin, do you remember me telling you of ... Gaius?" There was a chance he might not, for it had been a long time ago, and the man had only been briefly mentioned.

[em]

She really looked as though she wanted to cry now. Merlin pulled a spare piece of cloth from his pocket - thankfully un-used - and passed it to her. He was curious about what she was now saying. Someone who could tell him more? "Who?" he asked, "tell me about what? about how different I am? because believe me I already know enough without someone having to explain it to me." This statement didn't come out sounding angered, but rather calmer than he thought it would. He never snapped at his mother, why should he? She'd done nothing wrong.

"Merlin, there are those who would see your gift as being something to fear, something to hide. I worry for you, I worry that these people will find out about you."

He shook his head at this, "They won't" he tried to reason with her, "If they haven't found out yet then they never will, and Will won't tell anyone - I know he won't" It was then he realised that she wasn't talking about the villagers. "Oh..." he nodded quietly, "I can see why they would be afraid" They would if a cart full of hay began to roll towards them on it own, or if a broom began to dance around them.

"Were you scared of me?" he asked truthfully, "When I was first able to do...that..." he shifted uncomfortably, talking about the first time he'd made something move and hadn't meant to.

Gauis? Merlin frowned and shook his head slowly, "No...the name sounds familar but I don't think i've ever met him..."

[Deleted]

There was something about Merlin's words that made her want to flinch away from him. Almost... accusationary. But she knew that was just her own conscious speaking, for Merlin was far too sweet natured to ever blame her. It was times like this she wished he had a father - someone to look up to. She could not tell him about his roots though, or where his magic had likely come from - she no longer knew if Balinor was even alive... and if he were, that would prompt the question as to whether he would even want to know he had a son. "Your gift is exactly that, Merlin," she stated, reaching forward to take his hand, her free hand clinging a little to the clean cloth he had given her. "But there are those people who would hate you for it, who would try to... do things to you." She shuddered at the mere thought.

She had her own opinions about Will, though she kept them to herself. He was her son's friend, and thus she would treat him with respect, and hope for Merlin's sake that he was right, that Will would not betray him. Hunith gave a soft smile when Merlin asked if she had been scared for him, shaking her head. "No," she promised. "I was never scared of you. I was very, very scared for you, but that is a completely different matter."

"Gaius is... an old friend of mine," She stated. "He is a learned man, and he is very wise. I know he knows of others of your... talents, and he would be able to teach you things I cannot know of," she bit her lip. "Merlin... I..." Why could she not say it? She knew it was best for him, that he would be able to do more, become more, but... she did not want to lose him. He was the light in her life, the warmth to the bitter cold of reality. With sickening clarity, Hunith realised; she simply did not wish to be alone.

[em]

He could see his mother's expression change slightly as she explained about what people might do to him if they found out about his talent. "But...why would they want to do anything to me because i'm different? I haven't exactly done anything to hurt them have I?" Yes he understood that there were people out there who would be scared of him, but to try and hurt him because of what he was?

Merlin saw her smile when she dismissed his statement about being scared of him. "I was never scared of you. I was very, very scared for you, but that is a completely different matter." He fiddled with his fingers as she spoke. "Did you...did you know what it was? When I first started to do...things" he mumbled slightly. He felt a little uneasy asking her all these questions, but never once had he asked in such depth, Merlin just thought that it was something he'd possessed since birth. "Does anyone else know about me? Apart from you and Will?"

So Gauis knew about gifts like the one that he had? That was a releif to know there was someone if ever his mother or he needed advice - despite him not having met the man. Merlin froze as his mother started to stumble over her words. He could tell what was coming - what could be coming. He looked up at her from where he was still playing with his fingers, a little hurt in his eyes.

"You want me to leave...don't you?"

[Deleted]

Hunith sighed, reaching forward to touch Merlin's shoulder, gently. "Because they have been brought up to fear people who are different," she stated. "but Merlin, they should not. For as I have always said to you, it is a gift. But some people would use it for the wrong reasons, for the wrong thing." she bit her lip, shaking her head. "Some people think that everyone is the same as people who do wrong."

"Not when you first started," she admitted softly. "I had... heard of people who had power, but never seen it or anything." She hated how uneasy they both felt about this; Merlin should be able to talk about such a thing without feeling so awkward, but... well, it was just so dangerous! Not Merlin, but the gift itself, and what it could be used for if used by the wrong person! As he asked her if anyone else knew of his power, she shook her head. "No. I thought it was better for you - safer - if no one else knew." she confessed softly.

As Merlin asked if she wanted him to leave, Hunith's gaze caught her son's. "No!" She stated. "I..." Tears rose to her eyes, and pain filled her heart. "I don't want you to leave Merlin," she swallowed, reaching forward to take his hands again. "Please. You are my son, and I love you so much." she swallowed. "But if Gaius can answer the questions you have... wouldn't that be something?"

[em]

He was starting to understand a little more as to why people should place him in the 'dangerous' catergory. They didn't understand the extent. nor did people like him use their powers for good. Merlin just used them because they were there, and for silly little things such as making the chores be done a lot faster than normal. It helped.

Merlin imagined that his mother must have been goin out of her mind when his talent first started to show. He had been confused when he was old enough to understand why things moved or floated around, slowly being able to control them as he grew older and with the art of concentrating enough. He admired her for actually putting up with him, with all that. Trust his mother not to say anything to anyone else.

Oh dear, he'd made her cry. This wasn't good at all. "I don't want you to leave Merlin," He looked up from the gaze that had been fixed on his lap, "Then what do you want me to do?" he asked.
"Please. You are my son, and I love you so much." Yup, the conversation was most certainly going in the direction that he dreaded; despite her protests.

"But if Gaius can answer the questions you have... wouldn't that be something?"

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there it was...

He stayed quiet for sometime. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to find this 'Gauis' he liked where he was, how he was, who he was.

"So..." he began, "You do want me to leave." This time it was no question, and instea of giving her time to answer he slapped his thighs and stood up. "Right well I guess i'd better pack my things." He didn't want to be angry and it wasn't his mother he was actually angry at - it was the fact that
this 'gift', 'talent', 'power'...burden?! Was turning his life upside down. And not in a good way.

[Deleted]

As he asked her what she wanted him to do, Hunith flinched, despite there being no anger in her son's voice. She paused, shivering a little, hating to have her son's disapproval, hating to think that he might hate her forever more for this. But... wouldn't it be best? For him? She hoped with all her heart it would be, and yet, selfishly, she wanted so desperately to just hold him close and not let him go. But Merlin... well, he would be a man soon, and he would have questions, eventually. He would want to know more, be more. He would want more than the simple life that Hunith could give him. She acknowledged these facts without bitterness toward him, for it was not his fault. It was natural.

Which was why it hurt so for her to see him upset by her words. They were not easy for Hunith to say, but she desperately feared what he might do without some kind of guidence. True, there was not an ounce of evil in her son's body, but... well, if he met the wrong person, who knew what they could try to make him do? As he confirmed that she 'wanted' him to leave, and slapped his thighs as he stood, Hunith flinched, closing her eyes against tears. No. She could not cry. She would cry when he was gone, and there was no one to care for her anymore, but she could not cry here or now.

"Please Merlin," she choked out softly, tears now falling freely from her eyes. She wasn't sure what she was even asking for - forgiveness, reprocussion, for him not to go? To stand against her and refuse? But Merlin was far too polite for that... he never argued with her, never complained. But just this once, she wished he would.

[em]

He didn't want to leave. He couldn't. What would his mother do without him? What would he do without her? It wasn't right - going to find a strange man he knew nothing about whatsoever, and a strange place where anything could happen. He walked over to the corner of the room, where he found his bag and started to rummage around - looking for things to put into it.

Merlin looked back over his shoulder, seeing his mother there trying her hardest not to cry. "Please Merlin," he heard her say as he turned back and focused on finding anything that he would need to take with him. "No, no" he shook his head calmly. "It's your choice, if you want me to go then i'll go" he wanted her to see that he was going to be grown up about this. "After all..." he stood up and finally turned to face her, seeing that she was indeed crying, "no one can expect me to stay here...not when im so different from them. I might scare them if they found out."

That was that, a simple statement and one that stung him so much. He knew Will wouldn't tell but his mother was right. He was at risk, and the last thing he wanted to do was drive people away or make them fear him. "So...i'll leave tomorrow morning yes?"

[Deleted]

He was drifting from her. Closing himself off from her. Hunith shivered despite the heat of the fire that Merlin had earlier either made or conjoured, feeling the sting of his sadness despite being the cause. How could she tell him, how could she possibly explain? She did not want him to go - if she could, she would clasp him close and beg him not to leave - but... Merlin deserved more. More than this little life, more than anything she could offer him. As he spoke of scaring others, she bit her lip, raising a hand to wipe away a few of her tears, though more quickly appeared. "Please don't think that," she whispered, half begging her son.

Again she attempted to stay her tears as her son spoke of leaving tomorrow. The brunette bit her lip, and clenched her fists, silently begging with him with all her heart not to leave her, though she knew that was madness, for the decision had been her own, even if he would eventually go by himself, but if he would it would be many years down the line. "please forgive me," she whispered eventually, nowhere close what she wanted to say, but it was something at least.

[em]

"How can I not?" He raised his voice slightly, but not enough for it to sound angry. He wasn't that after all - he was just confused as to why now? Why not later? "If i'm thinking it then everyone else will start to soon enough." he ran a hand through his hair, "and you know me, I always listen to you because you're right..."

He stuffed a few things into the bag , hunting around for whatever else he needed. He didn't know what he needed, but should anything in particular catch his eye right now, he'd gladly pop it in the bag. Keeping his back to her, he fiddled with a few new items, only hearing his mother's words when he wasn't so engrossed in his own thoughts. "please forgive me,". He felt his shoulders sink a little, almost in defeat. He felt defeated by all of this - and he hadn't even started any kind of war with his mother.

Merlin gave a small sigh and turned to her. "You've got nothing to apologise for - you're just doing what's best for me."

[Deleted]

Despite the lack of anger in her son's voice, Hunith flinched nonetheless. All her life, since he had been born, she had tried to protect her son from the angers of the world, the supsicious belief that surrounded those who held magic. It seemed, after all, that she had failed. Merlin felt the people's disapproval more than she had realised, and that was her fault entirely. "I am not always right," she whispered, though it seemed foolish to do so, and she was too emotionally tired to get into another argument with the brunette.

As Merlin turned, and tried to assure her that she had nothing to apologise for, Hunith managed a weak smile, biting her lip. "I have so much to apologise for, Merlin," she stated quietly. "I have tried to protect you, to make you happy... and it seems I have failed." she closed her eyes, briefly, before opening them again, biting her lip. "You must know how precious you are to me,"

NRP: I'm sorry this has taken me so long to get to!

[em]

Despite his mother's protests about not being always right, Merlin did not listen. His mother knew what was best for him - after all, she'd raised him alone and had taken great care in protecting him.

"I have tried to protect you, to make you happy... and it seems I have failed."

Merlin walked up to her and drew her into a tight hug. "Don't say that" he murmered, not wanting to let go of her. "You have done everything that is right for me. Anyone can see that, and even if it means going to find Gauis, then i'll go." he smiled weakly. He now felt a little guilty for sounding so cold earlier. When he left his mother would be alone and that was the only thing he was worried about.

"Of course I do" he broke away from her embrace. "and you're precious to me. I just don't like the though of going away and leaving you on your own." Merlin looked down at the floor, "You're the only one that I have..." he admitted quietly. With no father or siblings it would always just be him and his mother. He wouldn't change that for anything.

Notes: No problem! It was worth the wait

[Deleted]

As Merlin drew her into a tight hug, the brunette closed her eyes, trying desperately to ignore the deep settled fear that once she let her son go, she would never see him again. "I do not want you to go," she admitted quietly, admitting her weakness, despite how hard it was to do so. "I..." she shook her head, biting her lip. "You are my son, and all I want for you is to have a life, a good life, a safe life, where you can be happy and secure." she swallowed softly, touching her son's cheek. "I just want you to be happy, Merlin."

Hunith managed a weak smile as her son proclaimed she was precious to him, and that she was all he had, silently echoing the sentiment. "I'll be alright," she whispered. It was untrue; she would be lonely and it woudl be hard, very hard, without Merlin, but she did not want to make him feel guilty for leaving her, or force him into staying. "You are the light in this life, Merlin. If I can make you happy, then that is all I care about."

NRP: You're too kind!

[em]

He could see why she was doing this. For him. To keep him safe. Merlin pulled away as she said that she didn't want him to go. "I will be happy." he assured her, "If you believe that sending me to...Gauis? Is going to help me and keep me safe, then it's obviously what's best for me." he smiled - keeping a tight grip on her shoulders.

Merlin didn't believe her when she said that she would be alright. She wouldn't - not without him there. Yes his mother could certainly hold her own and fight her own battles, but he had no idea what she would become without him there to help. "Are you sure?" he asked anyway. Perhaps she might have second thoughts about it this way, but it seemed highly unlikely. After all - he'd practically packed what he needed now too.

"You are the light in this life, Merlin. If I can make you happy, then that is all I care about."

Merlin's gaze fell to the floor on hearing these words, before looking back to his mother, his brows knitted together in an expression of concern. "You really think that I am special don't you?" All the times she'd said it to him, he'd only thought that she was just saying ot because she was his mother. That was what mothers said to all of their children. But hearing in practically put into different words had made him see that perhaps she wasn't just saying it after all - and that he really was the only speciality in her life.

"Do you think that Gauis will be able to...help?" Was 'help' the word he was even looking for? Apparently he was someone who could teach Merlin a little more about his talent, but right now it seemed impossible for anyone to understand the extent of it apart from his mother.

[Deleted]

Though he was clearly trying to reassure her, Hunith felt tears pool in her eyes at her son's words, unable to help but feel terrible for sending him away. "I truly think that it might," she whispered at his words. "Gaius is... a learned man. He may even be able to help you understand... your gift." She could not tell him too much about her old friend's past, for that was for Gaius to say, but she could still give him a little hope.

As he asked her again whether she was sure she would be alright, the brunette took a slow breath. "It will get some getting used to... being alone," she admitted, not wanting to lie to him. "But I will cope." She managed a soft smile at his next words of incredule, asking her if she really thought he was special. "yes," she whispered quietly, with no doubt whatsoever. "Merlin, you are more special to me than you will ever, ever realise." The brunette gave a slight smile, reaching forward to touch his cheek. "You are my life, Merlin." There it was, the truth of the matter, and she wasn't sure what he would do with it.

At Merlin's question, Hunith sighed quietly, biting her lip. "I believe he can help you understand more," she stated quietly, knowing what he meant. "He is a learned man, as I have said, and his knowledge is very extensive.... and I trust him." she squeezed her son's shoulder. "I would not send you there if I did not..."