You Are Loved

[Guinevère]

Guinevère was about to comment, replying to how Camelot was forever changing and never quite the same--when she heard her name called in jovial tones. Looking forward she noticed the knights and Merlin coming closer. The first wave of nervousness filled her, but seen enough they had her relaxing as they laughed and joked and tried to tell embarrassing stories of each other about the time when she was not near.

Yet her eyes kept falling to Arthur when she thought he was not looking at her. Drinking in the sight of him, and trying to prove to herself that he as indeed very real. All this was. She spent the day traveling with the knights, mostly her brother and Merlin, and the when darkness fell she would sit by the fire, and speak with Arthur some more, though everything was still hesitant between them. She wondered what they meant for her. She would always linger before the fire with him, until it was past time to turn in. Then she would move to where her brother had things settled for them. She knew that every decision she made would be read in, that every time she went anywhere people would look.

She could not make no mistakes. Never be with a man a lone, never give anyone reason to whisper. It made staying close to Elyan safer, and smarter. It was why she never walked close to the others tents, especially Arthur's. Though she would dream of slipping inside and loosing this awkwardness.

[Arthur Pendragon]

When they met with the others, Arthur gave a bit of distance so that she could greet her brother, Merlin and the others properly. They kept a small distance during the actual journey, Arthur remaining quiet for the most part. At night they would sit and conversate with one another, about general and casual things. Nothing too intimate, and nothing too intense. Arthur knew that his silence for the most part, was because he was still nervous. Even though she had said yes, there was still so much to be nervous for. It wasn't that same giddy nervousness he had when they went for their first date. This kind of nervousness felt sickening really; it made him feel nauseous and uneasy. He was confident and unwavering in his decision . . . but he was afraid. Afraid of things not working out; afraid of getting hurt again, just . . . afraid of so many things. He of course kept this all to himself, for it would not help anyone if he expressed these concerns to Guinevère.

For he was fairly certain she was feeling nervous and unsure as well. The journey was smooth, no attacks nor any challenges along the way. Before they knew it . . . they were riding through the gates of the city. He wished he could enter the castle with Guinevère. Before, when he would ride into the city, she would either be waiting for him at the courtyard, or his chambers. Prepared to aid him with the removal of his armor and . . . well, one thing often led to another. But this time, he would part ways with her. She would remain in her home because neither of them were ready to leap to something so intimate right now. He brought his horse to a halt near her home, looking at her and wishing he could say and do more than what he actually was. "I'll see you soon." Soon. Such an ambiguous term. It could mean hours, days . . . no more than days. Separating himself for weeks from her would solve nothing. He'd been apart from her for two years and every day felt more and more difficult to endure.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère had seen the city approaching for hours, for the towns stood great and tall. She felt so nervous and frightened at how she would been seen. She ended up keeping her eyes on the castle the whole time--taking the coward's way out. Guinevère heard Arthur speak to her before she dismounted, and then she let her brother take Layla and she hurried inside. What did soon mean?

Later today? Tomorrow? It left everything so unsettled and opened. She wished there had been something more settled, more for sure. Yet she would take whatever he could give to her. She began making some changes the day she arrived--though mostly to help keep her pet safe. She knew soon she would have to decide on what she would do for a job. Working in the castle would not be wise for many reasons. Yet she could not think on that just now.

That night, around the supper hour when she knew most people would be indoors she finally ventured out, just to look around at everything. Looking at the changes and growth. So much had changed, gown. It made her more proud to know this city was her home once again.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur watched Guinevère enter her home before he went to the castle. He quickly got freshened up and went to meet with the council, getting updated on the affairs of the kingdom in his absence. He informed them that Guinevère had returned and that the penalty upon her return that he had started before was invalid. She would not be put to death, obviously. But he wanted to make sure that everyone was clear on that. The rest of the day progressed slowly for Arthur's mind was consumed with thoughts of a now returned Guinevère. It left him distracted most of the day, and gave him a rather sleepless night. It wasn't until a couple of days later that he sent a message with Merlin to Guinevère, to ask if she would like to have lunch with him the following afternoon.

He had once asked her this question before, using a similar method and would be using the same location. For it held sentiment. That, and they could escape the busy city for a while . . . escape his kingship, and the unease she may feel returning to the city. They could just enjoy each others company . . . trying to start rebuilding all that they had lost. Merlin returned with confirmation, and Arthur did not speak of his plans for the rest of the day -- despite Merlin's many questions regarding it. The next day, he set out to their spot early to set it up. He had large pillows for comfort, a large sheet to sit on, and the food which was already set out and ready to be served and eaten. He was even dressed out of his chain mail today, clad in a shirt, his long brown coat, casual pants and boots . . . and of course his sword by his side -- just in case. Now the only thing that was missing . . . was her.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère had not heard from Arthur in days, and she began to despair. She worried that he was having doubts and she worried that this might not work as she could not go to him. He was a king, and she was just a seamstress. That was the job she decided to take. While she had yet to open her business, she had spoken to a few old friends who said they needed this or that done. Nothing official but it was nice to know people would not be shunning her.

Then Merlin came with a message and she began to wonder what the location and setting meant. Did she dress to impress him, or should she be more piratical? Merlin had given her the old dresses she had left behind, but as she wasn't a servant nor lady they all seemed overly much. Did she dress for her station, or would that be seen as doing something hurtful toward him? Was wearing a nicer dress making her seem overly eager?

In the end she wore her white one. It had no strong memories attached too it, was nice without looking like a servant, and she could be able to be comfortable. If she could relax. Merlin escorted her, but she asked to walk the last bit alone. When he left she stood there for a moment, trying to clam herself before she turned and walked the rest of the way. Alone with Arthur was what she had avoided on the trip here, but when he asked she found she could never tell him him.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur wasn't sure how long he had just been staring at the empty space in front of him. It was either stare or pace nervously back and forth. What if she changed her mind? What if she felt it was too soon for this kind of romantic picnic? What if she didn't want to be alone with him? So many different questions and doubts raced through his mind . . . only to be appeased when he finally saw it. He stared at her, pausing, as if it convince himself that she was real and he was not just seeing what his heart desired. Finally, he properly reacted to her presence. A small, but soft smile formed on his lips as he walked toward the rocks that created a small path across the stream.

"Guinevère," he greeted as he extended his hand to help her across the small creek. This held so many memories of years ago. When they had let themselves have one carefree day -- which had resulted horribly, but still. Arthur would not trade those memories that the picnic had given him for all the gold in the world. Once she was across, Arthur did not let go of her hand, just gazing at her beauty for a moment, as he had missed the sight of her immensely. "You look . . . beautiful," he finally managed to say. The words had come to him with difficulty last time as he'd been so mesmerized by her. And this time was no exception, even with everything between them. Today was about enjoying each others company and just relaxing . . . letting all their troubles go as they had done years ago.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère saw him sitting there as she approached and when he did look at her she felt uncertain for a moment. Should she had worn the pink dress? Or the purple? Arthur walked over to her and held out his hand. She paused but a short moment before taking it to walk across the rocks. It reminded her of that first date they had. Everything had seemed so perfect then, and now she felt a bundle of nerves.

Then he told her she looked beautiful. Blushing brightly, for it had been years since a man complemented her--since Arthur had. Her eyes fell to the ground for a moment before she forced them up to see his face. He had not let go of her hand either. It confused her a little to have days of silence and then . . . . . this. His little shimmer of light that almost was akin to hope. A date. . . . . with Arthur!

"You are too kind," She said softly, finding a soft smile on her lips, as she turned to look at what he set up for them. "For all this." The complement, the date, letter her try again. "Thank you, It looks beautiful here."

[Arthur Pendragon]

He gave a small smile when his words caused a blush on her cheeks, one that seemed stronger than ever before. Which . . . made sense. For it had been two years and they were not used to having moments like these. Not when they thought there would never be another. He gave a bit of a nod when she thanked him, leading her over to the small picnic area. "I thought it would be best to escape the city for a little while. As we once did years ago." A reference to the past, but one that was focused on the more positive. Rather than . . . the last time they had met prior to his going to the small village she was in. He knew they could not start over in the sense that they could pretend that nothing happened. Too much had happened between them, both good and bad. And if the past was ignored, and they just acted like they could live in blissful ignorance . . . then would it truly be happiness? Or just the illusion of it?

Arthur didn't want to find out. He had one chance to do this right; to create a stable future with her, and he didn't want to pass such an opportunity by. "Please, have a seat," he said, finally letting go of her hand as he gestured to the sitting area. It was casual and . . . well, nothing was really ever casual between them. Not the time he had stayed in her house when he was pretending to be another knight, nor the first time he kissed her, not any moments after that. It had taken years for them to be casual around one another . . . and now, the casualness was a bad thing. Because it was all they could do to avoid the more difficult subjects to talk about.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère smiled as he spoke of their once date but the memories were taking over her mind. Dressing pretty, talking, their first almost casual meeting. Proving to themselves that they could just be. She had begin to wonder if that afternoon would lead to more--not too much more, but something new. Exciting.

Yet instead his father had found them. She knew had had thought it happenstance but after Morgana's looks in the throne room, Guinevère wondered if it had been planned.

Today was not a day to hold memories of Morgana. It was a day for Arthur to only be in her mind. "Once again you seem to have out done yourself." She teased, forcing her hand to release his so she could sit. "Its so beautiful here." Green and enchanted. Perfect. So very, very perfect.

"Next time you should bring your dogs, and them play." Almost like a family.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur gave a slight smile when she said that he had outdone himself. "I try," he said with a joking smug tone . . . though once again, not to the extent it usually was when engaging in such teasing. He knew it would take time for them to reach that level. For there was still that tension between them. But, they were taking small steps . . . and hopefully toward the better. When she was seated, Arthur did the same, then picking up a plate and starting to put a bit of food on it for her. "Next time you should bring your dogs, and them play." Cabal and Bohrs. The thought had crossed his mind but he had a specific reason as to why he had not. "I wasn't sure if you were bringing Layla," he explained. Not wanting to have endangered the small pet by bringing his two larger animals. Ones that would consider the small bunny prey no doubt . . . especially in the forest.

And he felt they could do without that kind of chaos. "Have you and her settled in alright?" He asked, wondering if all had gone well with her readjustment in her home. Everything had been packed, and then left . . . including the house. Elyan did not wish to sell it, and Arthur was obviously not going to force him to do such a thing. It was her father's home, and now it was her's once more. When they were engaged to be married, they had discussed the future of her house. She had wished to offer it to another family who needed it, not wishing it to go to waste . . . but now, it would be hers for . . . well, who knows how long. Hopefully not permanently.

[Guinevère]

Oh, that was kind of him! Guinevère almost wished she had brought her pet along, but knew that if she ran off then she would be heartbroken. "Layla is an indoor rabbit." She explained with a soft smile, "I fear that anything could happen to her out here, and she would not know how to find shelter or food." For everything had always been given to her, and she had lost that survival knowlage that her mother should have past down to her.

He then asked if she had moved in alright, and Guinevère wondered if that was why he waited. To give her time to settle? "We have. Sir Leon even gifted me with a cage that is very spacious. Layla can be left in it without feeling locked up tight, while I am away now." Out of trouble and safe!

Her next words hesitated for a moment before she spoken them, for Guinevère wasn't sure what he had expected of her. "I have asked Elyan to help me redecorate a little, to gain more space near the door. I have decided to take in work as a seamstress." she could not quite hold his gaze for a moment, but she wasn't ashamed of working. Just uncertain what he had wanted from her now, since they had not spoken of it. "It will be a good way to keep busy." And keep her home, rather then out with people staring at her for now, and also give her coin so she did not have to ask her brother for any.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur listen as she explained that Layla was an indoor rabbit, which made sense as Guinevère had said that she took the pet in when it was very young. Still. He had not wanted to bring his dogs should Layla be hopping around. It would be all the more worse if it was Cabal or Bohrs who had claimed the small animal's life. She went on to answer his question, explaining that Leon had given her a cage for Layla, and that Elyan was helping with redecorating her house and . . . she was working as a seamstress. Arthur had thought of her working in the castle, but wasn't sure it was something he -- or her -- would be comfortable with. For so many reasons that need no explanation. "That's good," he said, not wanting to dwell on the subject of her working as a servant in the castle. Had things gone differently, by this time . . . they would have been married for two years, she would have been queen and who knows, perhaps a mother.

"Between caring for your pet, redecorating your house and working as a seamstress . . . I wonder if you will have any free time for more outings such as this." It was a bit of a tease, though he didn't want her to feel awkward on the subject of her work. He understood why she was doing it; because she was independent. Because she liked to take care of herself, which was something Arthur had always admired. He was born into wealth, never have to work for coin -- though working for other reasons. She on the other hand had worked all her life, and made her own earnings. "I am glad to hear that everything seems to be going well for you though." In terms of her settling back in, and the knights showing their full support -- not that he doubted they would. Hearing it though, small things like Leon giving her a cage, just gave Arthur further reassurance. With those words, he handed her the plate of food, before preparing one for himself.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère reached for the plate of food quickly as if she didn't want him holding it out for her long. "With working for my self, I can work around different hours." She assured him, though she knew he was teasing. "I can be free for whenever you might be." He was already thinking of seeing her again? That was good news, a good feeling of reassureness.

Guinevère would have offered to host the next one but she was unsure where and when he might be free, and what she might do without seeming forward or over stepping whatever grounds he might not be ready for her to step on. For now however she would have to follow his lead, until they spoke of what was expected of her . . . of them.

"The city looks well. It has grown larger." Thanks to his leadership. "It seemed things are going well for everyone in the kingdom." Thanks to him. "Everything is so much . . . . . more then I remember it." He had said nothing had really changed, but she knew that was from a political view point, down in the towns and the daily lives of his people they were growing strong.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur had to admit that he was glad for this reminder, that her schedule was open. He knew that they couldn't exactly do late night visits . . . and that to keep things moving at a slow pace, they would have to rely on seeing each other at decent hours. And thankfully, her work was a bit flexible. For since it would not be at the castle, they could not have those stolen moments throughout the day. She spoke of the city, of how it grew and how the people were thriving. "It seems that more and more people are entering the kingdom. Which has been beneficial for the city, and even in the villages where they are able to work land and grow crops." They would not have to rely so heavily on trade . . . especially since Morgana had burned all the crops at one point and Arthur feared a shortage of food. Thankfully, there was no shortage nor was there risk of any.

"The city had been renovated a bit." By that, he meant fixed up after Agravaine had nearly burned parts of it down. "To accommodate the increase of citizens," he added. There was no need to bring the conversation to a darker subject, so he kept it light. Nor did he want to bore her with the politics of treaties that were established and such. "Elyan made it a point to protect your house. So it remained untouched during the changes in the city." And hopefully nothing was stolen or destroyed on the inside. Elyan had reported nothing, and Arthur never saw for himself . . . for it was too painful a reminder to go to her home during her banishment.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère knew what he spoke of. Morgana and his uncle, burning the city and the kingdom to the ground. She claimed to want to rule, but in truth she only destroyed. She no longer cared for the people she had once showed Guinevère how to protect. looking down at the plate of untouched food she wondered what horrors had happened here that her brother--and even Arthur--protected her from. She had learned of most through rumors and messengers.

But by the time she had learned of them, it had been over. Arthur had taken back his kingdom on the tip of his sword. "We heard of what happened, but only after it was over with." After he had defeated Morgana again. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I think . . . . If I could reach out to her, I could bring her back . . . . but I know better in my heart."

"The kingdom however, seems to be growing strong even with her efforts to stop it. I know many speak of visiting, or moving here. They see it as safe, and wonderful. The freedoms the kingdom offers draw in many, and is an envy in other kingdoms." Because of him.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"We heard of what happened, but only after it was over with." Arthur paused for a moment, staring at the food though her words weighing heavy on his mind. She continued, offering condolence which he appreciated, but the subject of Morgana was always a difficult one to discuss. And now, it wasn't even just Morgana . . . it had been his uncle too. His mother's brother. "There is no bringing her back," he said in a low voice. She was beyond that; corrupted beyond belief. Even when he had exchanged a few words with her . . . there seemed to be no chance of her returning. Arthur had let go of that possibility a long time ago. For he knew that holding that hope would only cause further pain. Speaking of the kingdom was far easier than speaking of a vengeful sister and traitorous uncle. He gave a slight smile when she spoke of how it was the envy of other kingdoms; of how people perceived it as safe.

And he felt a sense of pride . . . for while Morgana tainted the Pendragon name, at least it was still a name that held good ties to a kingdom that others spoke highly of. "It strays further and further away from the kingdom my father had built." He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Camelot was a kingdom who had knights that were commoners, and a possible queen who was once a servant; a kingdom that remained strong despite its many enemies, and one that welcomed druids to live free and prosper. In a way, he felt as if he was undoing all of his father's work. But on the other hand . . . he could not regret the decisions that he had made. Some, yes. But not the ones that changed the traditions and laws of Camelot. "Though perhaps it is time for Camelot to enter a new era." Who knows what the future would bring. Words he had spoken a few years ago, though still held strong meaning.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère opened her mouth to say something but then closed it, looking at the trees on the other side of herself for a moment. Was it her place to say anything? Yet how could she not? Would welcome her words or feel he was not ready for this? Looking back at him, she only needed the barest gimps of him before her heart knew what her mind did not.

"Gaius tells tails of the olden days when things were dangerous to live in Camelot. Your father made it safe, and needed to be iron strong to keep it such in the early years of it. Many would challenge him for what he did, but he saved so many lives back then." Though he ruined many as well. "Now they need something stronger then unbending iron, and the proof of that is in the kingdom. I have been back but days, and even I can see that the kingdom has swelled with people, and activity."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur remained quiet as she spoke those words of wisdom that she always seemed to carry within her. He had missed it. He had missed her. Everything about her. Her counsel and advice, and words of comfort that she had given him made him feel far more assured than words offered by anyone else. The only one who ever even came close to comparing, was Merlin. But still. It had always been her. And even now, when they were working to repair their damaged relationship, and build that trust between them again . . . he felt a strong comfort in her words. Knowing, it was selfish of him and that this wasn't what today was about. It was not about making himself feel better, or talking of politics. But he also knew that they were remaining on semi safe subjects . . . semi, because it was difficult to determine what subjects were easy to talk about. Where as once he would speak all that was in his heart, he had taken many steps back from doing that . . . having realized that she'd not always spoken what was in hers.

For if she had . . . he would have known how she truly felt about Lancelot, and all the temptation he had brought with him. Not wishing to think of that tonight, for it was obviously forgiven, he forced his mind to focus on other things. "My father kept it strong, and safe from its enemies. I fear that we have more threats than ever." Why were they talking about this?! They should not be! "But let us not speak of such dark matters," he said with a bit of a smile. "It was not why I brought you to this area, which holds such wonderful memories. I would not wish to tarnish them with speaking of threats and dangers." Though ironically, the first time they had come here had ended with his father discovering them. Still. He was trying to focus on the good. Not all the bad that had happened in their lives.

[Guinevère]

He said he did not wish to speak of negative things and she liked that he had not made it seem like he did not wish to speak with with her, but only not wishing to speak of them while in this special place. It gave her some much needed hope for everything they could be if they tried and worked very hard.

She smiled softly and looked around the woods, thinking of their first time here. "I remember walking over the creek, and not being able to believe I was here. That it felt like a dream, and . . . . even with how it ended, it was still the favorite date I have ever been on." Even of the others she had been on with him, that first one here in the woods had been perfect. . . . . they had been so happy then. Before she ruined it.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur found himself relaxing as she spoke of their first time in these woods together. Though it had ended badly, it had truly been the perfect date . . . because he was with her. While it was true that he had brought other women to the woods for a picnic -- never in this particular spot however -- like Elena, and Mithian . . . it was never the same. With them, it was out of duty that they picnicked together. But with Guinevère, it was out of love. It was more intimate -- which was also why he would always dismiss Merlin when he was with Guinevère, though never when he was with another. But again, he didn't want to sit here and compare, for he knew that none could compare to the woman he was sitting with now. "It was my favorite date as well," he told her, not wanting her to doubt that. That even with everything that happened with between them that had pulled them apart, he still cherished the moments that had brought them closer together.

"Although, I think this may have been the only proper date I ever took you on," he said in a lighter tone -- with the hopes of keeping the mood light. And he wished he could say he was joking, but with having to hide their relationship for so long, and then the constant work placed upon him when king . . . he hadn't exactly been good at planning dates for them. The only other time, may have been when he proposed to her. "I hope to change that though, and make times like this far more frequent." It was after all what they needed to get back to where they once were . . . for he believed that eventually, they would get there. Had he any doubt, he wouldn't be encouraging their relationship. He wouldn't have asked her to come back home had he been unsure that they would get through this.