Only A Kiss

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur was in a rather jovial mood. He had just gotten out of a situation that had caused him nothing but fear and misery since the moment his father had committed him to another woman. But he had disobeyed his father. And not in an immature, rebellious way, but rather a way that saved not only him, but also Elena from a life of unhappiness. She did not seem upset with his decision, but rather, supportive of it . . .which only reassured Arthur's mind., Not only that, but now he had more confidence than ever in his relationship with Guinevère. She often spoke about how he would find another woman, and have to marry her . . . but his rejection of marrying someone he did not love, disproved this, and he hoped that with this act, she would have confidence in them as well.

Yes. It was a good day indeed. So good, that Arthur decided he would like to go for a leisurely walk through the garden after saying goodbye to Elena and her father, and having a very brief conversation with Gwen. He was also massively relieved that Elena's father as well did not have any anger towards him for not having accepted the marriage. Quite the opposite in fact. Everyone was leaving on good terms and that was perhaps the only reason that his father was not more angry than he already was. No harm had come from this situation, but rather, only good. And Arthur could not be more happy with the way that things turned out.

Walking towards the garden he paused when he saw someone in the near distance. Lady Sasha Tiberius. He looked at her for a moment, trying to decide whether he should approach her, but only taking a few seconds to decide that he must. Some time ago, she had revealed her feelings for him, and Arthur had not known how to deal with that situation, seeing as how he had already had developing feelings for Guinevère. He knew it was his fault though. He had indeed shared intimate moments with Sasha, not knowing then what would become of their relationship. And now . . . she had come to his wedding, and heard him reject it . . . for the sake of another woman.

One that was not her. And for this, Arthur felt rather guilty for having been so distant from Sasha, for not having been more honest with her, and for having lead her on when he had been so infatuated by her. This is what encouraged him to approach her, to talk to her, to see how she was doing, for he did not wish to lose her as a friend. But knew he would have to respect any distance she may want. With this thought in mind, he walked towards her, giving her a warm smile. "Lady Sasha," he greeted, slightly lowering his head in a bit of a subtle bow.


_{Setting: In the garden
Time of Day: Afternoon
Timeline: The Changeling, at the end after Elena leaves Camelot
Tag: Lady Sasha Tiberius}

[Sasha]

Sasha could not exactly describe her emotions. It seemed to be a combination of relief, excitement, and sadness. Either that or she didn't know what to feel. Sasha had just been to her dearest friend's wedding; even though she truly had resented going because she knew it would pain her to watch, she went only to make Arthur happy. It was the least she could do, right? After all, they had been close friends despite romance problems. It seemed like she was the one deeply in love with him, and he seemed. . . well, not as much. She knew she should not go ahead of herself and believe that Arthur had walked out on his own wedding for her, even if that might just be so. Oh, she hoped it!

Love was such a stressful thing! Sasha didn't know how anyone even went through it. Then again, she wouldn't trade it for anything. It was such a strange thing. Whenever she saw his constantly shining deep blue eyes, something as simple as that, it would make her heart pound. And when the light shone down on his golden hair, she could not resist but feel warmly for him. But those were only the general things that made her love him so much; it was for who he was. Sure everyone had flaws, but Sasha had even tried to find them but ultimately could not. And when hearing he would be marrying someone else, it had truly hurt. Some time ago she had revealed her feelings for him, in hope that he might see things the way she did and perhaps admit the same thing.

Sasha had wandered off to the garden after the Prince's wedding had been called off, where at least she was surrounded by foliage and at the same time by the people she trusted. She honestly would have preferred a forest but then there was always the threat of bandits and creatures. Hah! Forgetting bandits and the creatures that wandered the forests surrounding Camelot, the most horrible thing that had ever happened to her out there was nearly being poisoned and killed by her mother. How ironic. . .!

It was there that Sasha stood up against the cold stone wall of the castle, just simply thinking. Thinking about the Prince and his almost-wedding. He had walked out for another woman. . . and just thinking there was a possibility that this woman could be he made her smile. Still, she could not bring herself to fully believe it. It was probably just her subconscious telling her to avoid getting too excited, for if Arthur had not done it for her it would hurt much more tremendously. Suddenly Sasha saw Prince Arthur approaching her with a warm smile, and she could not hold back a small warm smile of her own. He greeted her by her title and name 'Lady Sasha', and she loved how he always sounded when saying her name. It just flew off his tongue so easily. Again, trying to put aside her thoughts of what she loved about him, Lady Sasha gave him a curt dip of her head in acknowledgment. "My Lord," she greeted softly. It was not expressing an emotional distance between them, but instead expressing her respect and affection for him.

[Arthur Pendragon]

He continued to smile, his own broadening even a bit when he saw her own soft smile. She was looking as beautiful as ever, which only reminded him of the lustful thoughts he had about her a few years ago. He locked his gaze on her, noticing her striking green eyes, which had been the first thing that had attracted him towards her, enough to have asked her to dance at the banquet all those years ago. But everything was different now. It was no longer the same. He could not longer engage in flirtations with her, and look forward to those few intimate moments they had. He had led her on, and found how just how much when she revealed her true feelings to him.

And now, she deserved to know the truth. He valued her far too much to not be fully honest with her about his reason for having rejected the marriage. It was true, he did not love Elena, but he loved another. He may however have to withhold the identity of who it was she loved. To protect both Guinevère and Sasha. The more people who knew about it, the more dangerous it would become. Eventually, in due time, Sasha would know the woman he had committed his heart to. He had more confidence than ever in his future with Guinevère . . . now how could he explain that to another woman, one who was also so dear to his heart in a different way, and one who he knew consciously held strong feelings for him.

"Would you do me the honor of taking a walk with me in the gardens?" He asked. He wanted her to be free to choose, not wanting her to feel uncomfortable with his presence. Not wanting her to feel obligated to spend time with him if she truly did not feel she could. It had been unfair of him to have slightly distanced himself from her ever since falling in love with Guinevère, and today, he was going to right all wrongs and try to explain to her as best he could, his reasons for why he had done as, and his reasons for walking out of his own wedding today.

[Sasha]

"Would you do me the honor of taking a walk with me in the gardens?"

For about an hour she had been in her chambers, just thinking. Not only about the Prince, as her life did not revolve around him only, but about her father and how things could have been had she not screwed up so badly. Yes, that was a word she never quite used often. Only when explaining the true depth of certain matters. This was a common subject that entered her mind and it did not exactly pain her unbearably, but it did hurt. But in the end she always managed to push those thoughts aside and just go on with the day.

After that hour she had come down to the garden where she was soon greeted by Arthur. Her love. "I would be honoured," Sasha continued to smile at him. When she probably should not have, she cast him a loving glance. But she simply could not help herself, she truly loved him. For all he knew she expected him to say he had walked out on his own wedding for her, and that was partly true. . . but she did not want to make herself look so self centered, that everything was about her.

Sasha very strongly resented the thought of Arthur loving another woman. And it made her feel slightly betrayed, even without knowing if he did or not. But in the end, what more could she do aside from respect where his heart was? It was what a true friend would do, and she wanted nothing more than for him to be happy.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur continued to smile as she accepted his invitation. There was so much he wanted to say, and yet he found it difficult to organize his thoughts. He did not want to hurt her and hoped his words would not. He valued her a great deal and to lose her friendship would be devastating. But Arthur could not lie to her, or withhold his true motives for having left his own wedding. All he could do was desperately hope that she understood, and yet even then, he knew he would be asking a lot from her. He obviously could not make any decisions for Sasha . . . only time would tell what would happen.

He held out his hand forward, motioning for her to commence their walk into the garden. He then clasped his hands behind his back, just walking forward, allowing a few moments of silence to pass between them before he broke it with yet another question. "How have you been faring?" He inquired, genuinely curious to know how she has been. It had been quite some time since he had been able to spend some time alone with her, so that they could talk openly and in full comfort, void of anyone else listening in. Part of it had to do with the recent events that had befallen in kingdom. When searching for Morgana, he had barley been in the city. And now with the war with Cenred, things were only getting more intense.

But there was also that matter of avoidance, and he could no longer put it off. Sasha was an incredible woman, and knew that she would one day find someone who would make her happy. That someone could not be him, for another had claimed his heart and he had given it to her a couple of years ago. The fear of losing Sasha as a friend re-entered his mind, yet he could not show to be a coward, using this as an excuse to not tell her. She deserved to know.

[Sasha]

It had been quite a while since they had last spent this kind of time together. A long while. But hopefully this might make up for all the time lost. There, she began their walk into the garden. The Prince allowed a few moments of silence to pass between them, and then finally asked her how she had been faring. Horribly. She had been faring horribly. But she would not admit to such a thing. "Quite well, nightmares have started to stop finally," she shot him a faint smile. Another lie. Her nightmares had not been getting better, in fact they had only gotten worse.

That was the reason she was having slight mood swings, for she had not gotten enough sleep the past few nights They had been so strong and clear, even with Gaius' sleeping drafts. Nothing seemed to help. But she must look to the bright side. She was spending alone time with Arthur, something she missed dearly. "Have you. . . ummm. . . have you been faring alright?" she asked. Aside from today of course, she added silently.

She hoped the result of this would be a good one, but if was bad then so be it. She did not want him to "leave" her. However, if he chose to he would never lose her as a friend. It would only cause her a lot of pain, but her friendship with him would not falter.

[ Not the greatest post but yeah lol ]

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur turned his head to look at her as she spoke for her nightmares finally subsiding. He was so very glad to hear that. His mind went back to that one night in particular where her nightmares had been bad enough to cause him alarm from hearing her screams. He had comforted her, but hated having heard her in such distress, knowing there was nothing he could do to help other than just be there for her, with her. It had reminded him of Morgana's horrible dreams and how she had rarely been able to get a good nights sleep. But she had not seemed to suffer from them anymore either. Very occasionally, but it was not much compared to what it was before. And now Sasha seemed remedied of this horrible occurrence. Gaius must have created the perfect sleeping draft to help both woman, and Arthur was very happy for it. "I am extremely relieved to hear that," he told her with strong sincerity. Sasha had suffered far too much, and for her to be void of peace even at night . . . well, that was just far too unfortunate -- to say the least.

"Gaius' sleeping drafts have been helping then?" He asked, just to be sure it was them. Or perhaps they had naturally left her. Either way, so long as she was getting enough rest at night . . . that was the main thing. Though it did make Arthur feel a bit bad for not inquiring about it more often. He still cared for her, so he should have been making sure she got sufficient rest. Oh well. Today he would have to make up for that, and yet . . . he had to reveal something that he had not told many people. No one really. The only person he had been forced to tell was Merlin. He distracted himself from these thoughts when she asked how he had been. He felt so wonderful right now, and still guilty for not having talked to her sooner. "I am very well thank you," he admitted.

He could not help but think how different today would have been had he stayed quiet and gone through with the wedding. Neither him nor Elena would have been happy, but they would have been married. Forced to live with each other. Forced to . . . be intimate with one another. Forced to start a life together. She did not deserve to be deprived of finding the true meaning of life -- as Arthur had -- just because of her duties and obligations. And now, she would not have to. And Arthur would not have to forsake his happiness . . . or Guinevère's. Of course he had not had a proper conversation with her following the events of today, but he knew it had not been easy for her to tell him to marry another, nor to watch him walk down the aisle, to meet another woman. But right now, the woman he needed to focus on was Lady Sasha Tiberius.

[[You never have to worry about that cause all your posts are great!! ]]

[Sasha]

"I guess they have been," she answered the Prince, shooting him an affectionate glance. "Either that or they just went away on their own." Her mind went back to that one morning when Arthur had done everything he could to comfort her after she had hallucinated and had a very violent nightmares. Sasha longed to tell him the truth. . . it was eating her from the inside. She wanted to be able to trust him with her secret, but she could never bring herself to tell him. Afraid of what Uther might do to her. But she had been considering it the past few days, and. . . why couldn't she trust him? It was driving her out of her mind! Because of this crime she had commited Sasha felt as if she didn't deserve to be trusted and treated like royalty all the time. . . or even have a chance at living. But Arthur had changed that point of view in her. . . he had made it so she felt she desrved it. She had even questioned herself about being her father's murderer. However, her faults still killed her inside.

"That's good to hear," Sasha responded, her smile growing from affectionate to a true adoring smile. Every word he was saying just made her happier. She would wait for him to continue the conversation however, because if he were to tell her that she was 'the one' she didn't want to delay it any further. Then again. . . perhaps it was better to delay it? For she might not be that person.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur did not miss the looks she gave him, and he was able to return them . . . to a certain extent. He cared about her greatly; but not in the way she had revealed she cared about him. He wished things could have been different, but he did not regret falling in love with Guinevère. "Well either way, I am so very glad to hear that you have been able to get more peace at night." He gave her a genuine smile. This part of the conversation was not strained. It was not difficult to express the legitimate concern he had for her. While it was a bit of a stall, it was extremely important to make sure she was alright. Especially since, as they both surely recognized, it had been quite some time since they spent time alone together. He remembered when he first saw her again, sneaking around the city.

From that moment, he had been so infatuated by her. He had done what he could to spend as much time with her, forcing it into his schedule, sometimes even lying about his whereabouts to his father so that he would not get lectured on his priorities. But now, things were so very, drastically different. "And everything else is going well?" He asked, once again, making sure that he had not missed anything grand that could have been taking a toll on her. Maybe this was a bit more of a stall . . . but he knew that soon enough, he would have to tell her his true motives of for not getting married.

[Sasha]

"Yes, everything is well," she continued to smile, it starting to grow a bit fainter then before. Sasha was still excited by his presence beside her. She kept her glare away from him as she walked, for it was becoming a bit overwhelming for her. Just looking at him made her heart pound rapidly, and the fact that today might just be her lucky day with him made it pound so fast. Which only reminded her of how much she did not want to lose him. Arthur was the only one she held close to her heart, and Sasha was even considering her mother while deciding this. And possibly her personal servant, but he was just a friend. Nothing close to her relationship with the Prince.

Sasha looked toward him, her bright green glare shining with friendliness. "Did you want to tell me something?" She inquired. Ugh, she had a feeling she'd regret asking this. . . but the last thing she wanted was to come to conclusions. She just hoped he would say what she wanted to hear so desperately.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Did you want to tell me something?

Yes. Yes he did. And she could not have created a better opening for the subject of what he wanted to . . . no, needed to discuss with her. For as previously established, he felt he owed it to her to be honest. Perhaps not completely honest, but more so than all those other guests who had been there and witnessed him leave his own wedding. They may have known the fundamental reason, but there was more to it. More that he was about to tell Sasha. "There is actually," he began, trying to find the best way to word what he was actually trying to say. He stopped walking. First, to fully concentrate on the subject at hand, and so that he could actually look at without any distractions. And secondly, they were completely alone, far away from others who may be able to hear what they were saying. For this was a private conversation, and he trusted Sasha to keep it between the two of them.

"I wanted to explain my actions to you, in more detail than what I had said in front of everyone else." He was still stalling, and while he may seem completely composed, inside he was rather nervous and surprisingly stressed out. He did not want to hurt her; it was never his intention to hurt anyone he cared so much about. Which is why he needed to say it here and now. And yet, while he was fully determined to do so . . . he still could not find the right words to say.

[[ HAHA Sorry! He's dragging it out a bit, and I'm just building it up! He'll blurt it out soon! ]]

[Sasha]

Sasha thought she felt her heart sink when she heard him say that he did have something to say to her. She had fully expected him to say this, but. . . she just dreaded hearing his potential explanation. Many emotions were rushing through her as she listened to everything that Prince Arthur had to say to her. She was very nervous, and surprisingly a bit stressed. She wanted to hear what his intentions were and soon, but at the same time did not. She was surprised her face was not reddening, for that usually happened when she was nervous or thinking about Arthur in an intimate way. . . or was she?? Ugh, and she was sweating too.

Thankfully the Lady Sasha found some comfort in knowing that the Prince also was feeling these emotions of nervousness, and stress. She could read him very well, unlike many different times. "I'm listening," she said very quietly, containing a bit of somewhat worry. He would probably catch that in her tone, as much as she definately did not want that to happen. She was very sensitive about the subject of her and Arthur, and hated being caught blushing about it. Sasha was glad that they were alone, and for some strange reason she felt a surge of great affection flood through her heart for just one moment. There was no one in sight, just Sasha Tiberius and Prince Arthur.

[ It's fine! I think it's making Sasha all the more nervous though xDD ]

[Arthur Pendragon]

She was listening. So why couldn't Arthur get the words out? Because this was difficult. This was so very difficult for him to do. Had she not made her feelings known to him, then such words would have been spoken with more ease. For he would have been ignorant of her emotions. At the same time, he could not deny that he was glad she told him. For he greatly appreciated her honesty. There was just no good way to look at this situation. She had been honest with him . . . he had to be honest with her. And that was it. That was what it came down to. All he could do was hope that in the end, she would still regard him as a friend if nothing else. That they would not lose their relationship over what he was about to tell her. And he knew at the same time, he could not expect her to to maintain it, or ask that of her if he had offended or upset her past any sort of hope for reconciliation.

"While what I said at the ceremony was true, it was not my primary reason for rejecting the marriage." Arthur would not have acknowledged how important it was to have a queen that he truly loved, had he not actually been in love. If Guinevère was not in his life, if he had not felt the same for another woman, then who's to say he would not have married Elena. She was a wonderful woman, but she too deserved to be with someone who she loved, and who loved her in return. As did Sasha. With that introductory sentence, he knew he would have give a further explanation. "I, am in love with another." There. He had blurted it out.

Saying such a thing, was not at all easy for him to do. He did not tell anyone about his love for Guinevère. They had either figured it out on their own . . . or he just ignored any implications on the subject. He realized that his words may also give her the wrong idea, so he felt the need to go on, without fully revealing the identity of the woman -- for both Guinevère as well as Sasha's protection. "I'm so sorry Sasha," he added, in a sincerely apologetic tone. Hopefully that would indicate that, it was not Sasha he had left his wedding for. And now, he felt even more nervous, awaiting her response . . . hoping for the best, yet fearing the worst.

[[ Awwww Poor Sasha!! Arthur is horrible for dragging it out! *smacks it out of him!* ]]

[Sasha]

"I, am in love with another."

Unfortunately this did give her the wrong idea. The very wrong idea. It did confuse her a bit, wondering whether he meant her or some other woman, but for the most part she believed he was referring to her. And hearing this, made her look up at him with eyes widened in surprise. Did he really love her like she did him? Not knowing what to make of the news, she gave a faint smile. Feeling all of her nervousness fade, Sasha inched slightly closer to him. She wanted nothing else at that moment but for him to embrace her so that she could feel his warmth seep into her. She couldn't remember when she had felt so happy! But that short moment of true euphoria was over in a matter of seconds.

He said he was sorry. . . wait, for what?! For loving her? No. She knew all too well what he meant by that. . . Sasha just couldn't bring herself to accept it. "Wh. . ." She tried to say but couldn't as many thoughts rushed through her mind. "What?" Why? But she knew why. He loved another woman. She could respect that. . . but it hurt! This sort of rejection. . . was agony! And she knew there was no remedy that Gaius the court physician could give her for it. Her heart felt like it was about to die with this pain, if it hadn't already. And it wasn't even physical pain! It was something almost as strong as she had felt when her father had died. . . this was a deathly agonizing feeling! And how long would this damn feeling last?!

"Wh. . . why didn't you tell me this before?" Sasha asked the Prince with a slightly cold tone. If he had loved this other woman for a long time, she had all the right in world to be angry. Or cold, anyway. She could never truly be angry with him no matter what he did. But upset, yes. She wanted to ask who it was, but. . . she quickly stopped herself, deciding that it was better for the both of them that Sasha did not know. Jealousy was a dangerous thing, which had many evil potentials that could very well happen considering the genes that Sasha carried from her mother. . . even if her mother's actions appalled her. Best be on the safe side.

The Lady Sasha Tiberius was doing her best not to show any detail of these deathly painful emotions that were still wanting to win her over and were doing a pretty good job getting her to that point. But she was careful to at least not let any crying occur. Ugh, that was something she dreaded deeply. . . especially in front of Arthur. How much worse could this afternoon get?! Her heart was broken, as dramatic as that sounded. . . and she was struggling not to look shameful in front of the man who had done this to her. But she was not as selfish as she may seem right now.

Sasha had learned that love was love. If Arthur's heart belonged to another woman, then so be it. She would always have to remind herself of that. If Arthur was happy, she would be happy. She would never want to make him uncomfortable, or unhappy in any way. After all, she cared about him happiness too. But that wouldn't soothe the thorn-like pain from "killing" her slowly, yet so quickly. "Arthur, I'm not angry with you," she faked a smile up at him, some strange emotion probably giving away her true feelings about the current matter. "I would never have been angry with you." And I know you know this is agonizing for me, she added silently.

[ Awwww I know! =( Poor Sasha. But he didn't mean to do it ]

[Arthur Pendragon]

To see the shift in her emotions from surprise, to happy to . . . upset; it made Arthur feel bad. He could not feel guilty for loving another woman, but he felt guilty for giving Sasha the wrong impression for almost three years now. When she asked him why he had not told her sooner . . . he had no answer. It was a perfectly legitimate question. There was no way he could justify withholding this fact from her. He had opportunities to tell her, but he had not. He had not admitted to anyone that he loved Guinevère. It had been Merlin to brought it up, as he seemed to notice his feelings for Guinevère. But Arthur had not willingly given this piece of information to . . . anyone. Sasha was the first he was vocally telling. He had not said it was a specific woman he loved in the court, for he knew it would only force his father to pursue the matter. But he knew he should not have prolonged it . . . especially not after she had made her feelings known to him. His constant absence in the search for Morgana was no excuse. He should have told her, and regretted it now more than ever.

To hear her say that she was not angry, made him feel even worse. Mostly because, he knew she had every right to be angry with him. He did not often call himself a coward, but in this instance . . . what other word was there to describe his inactions. He knew her well enough to know that her smile was forced, and he did not return it. Because he did not want her to trivialize this situation. He did not want her to suppress or conceal which emotions she was truly experiencing right now. Arthur thought back to his discovery of Guinevère and Lancelot's . . . affections for one another. It had been as if his heart was stabbed with a knife. It was a painfully agonizing emotion . . . but things had worked out in the end. A part of him knew that she may always care for the other man, but the love she had shown him in the past made him less insecure.

The situation was somewhat similar, except that he had let it drag out with Sasha. He had waited so long to tell her . . . and he should not have done so. "You have every right to be," he told her in a soft voice when she told him she was not, and could never be angry with him. He wanted her to be . . . not to create tension in their friendship, but because she was entitled to do so. "I have no excuse for not telling you this sooner." It may have been a difficult thing to tell anyone, but he should not have led her on, especially since they had shared a romantic past, entailing a few stolen kisses and moments of intimacy. "So you do not need to pretend to be anything less than angry with me. You are completely entitled to be." He paused for a moment, knowing he may regret pushing her to be honest, but he had to, even if it meant potentially losing her as a friend. "Please, tell me what you are thinking, and feeling." It would not be easy to hear . . . but he had to know.

[[ HAHA He still is no good for doing it! Oh well, I'll just send extra hugs to Sasha! ]]

[Sasha]

"Arthur, I. . ." Sasha started, but stopped not knowing what to say. While he spoke she barely heard what he said, still trying to sort her feelings. She needed to talk to someone, but it couldn't be Arthur. Never Arthur. She just did not feel comfortable saying these things in front of him. Despite the fact that it felt like her heart had been cut open and that he had told her she was entitled to express her emotions, she did not want to show it. That was far from her intentions. It would make her feel worse, telling him these things. She wanted to say something more, but. . . she started to think negatively. She had certainly gotten what she deserved, and even that wasn't enough to justify her actions from long ago. Sasha didn't feel like she deserved a man as great as Prince Arthur of Camelot. Then she felt her eyes water, unintentionally of course. This made her all the more upset, because she did not want him to know the extent of her emotions. It threatened to drop down her face, and. . . to her fears, it did.

"It, umm. . . it doesn't feel as bad as you think," she said, quickly wiping the tear away. But he had seen it, and that was proof enough that she was just trying to maintain a good look by not letting it get to her. At least not physically. "I swear, I am not angry with you, just. . ." Well, come on! Out with it! "Hurt." Would he get the wrong idea? "Not by you! Of course. But. . ." She sighed. Would she ever learn to express her feelings properly? "Look, I'm not a very emotional person. I never let anyone know my emotions, even if they can take a wild guess." That had come out a bit colder than she would have liked. The last thing she wanted right now was to make Arthur feel worse, and in fact it hurt her even more, but it was just her way of expressing what she was feeling. And it helped. . . somewhat. Despite having led her on like this, she wanted nothing but to comfort him and make him feel better about it, for she fully understand. She would be hesitant about telling him these kind of things if it were the case. She wanted to ask who this woman was. The girl who had somehow stolen Arthur from her. But it best that did not know, for everyone's sake. Again, jealousy was a bad thing. And if she knew of the girl's name, then she would certainly become jealous of their affections for each other.

Sasha just wanted to. . . at least brush her hand on his shoulder quickly. But she couldn't. "I-I. . . I guess there's no use denying it," she began with a voice that sounded over confident and possibly irritated. It was nothing personal, it was just to cover up her true emotions. "Can you relate to what this feels like?"

[ Sorry about all these late replies :C it's just that I have a few projects on YouTube that I've been getting involved in, and that are very time-consuming. I've been trying to post lately, but couldn't. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere despite the slow posting ]

[Arthur Pendragon]

When Arthur saw the tears in her eyes, he felt his heart ache. To see a woman cry was any man's greatest weakness and furthermore . . . to know that he was the one who had caused it. She could object to it, but he knew that if he had been more honest with her, then it would not have gotten to this point. She deserved so much better. Why was it that all the women that Arthur was close to in his life, deserved far better than what he gave them. He just watched her, wishing there was more he could do and say . . . that he was not so helpless right now when ultimately, this was his fault. He hated that feeling of being so defenseless, in knowing he had hurt someone he cared about. She had such a strong heart, to look him in the eye and not blame him for this. To say that she was not hurt or angry by his actions. It was only what made him feel even more guilty in this situation; knowing that she would not give him the anger he deserved.

"I know," he said in a low voice when she spoke about how she was not an emotional person. He had seen her emotional only once, that time he had comforted her in her chambers. But that was completely different. She was a woman of great strength and Arthur never underestimated her in that way. "But please, be honest with me." He did not want to say that she was lying . . . but he could not appease the situation and come out completely free of any consequence for having her a dear friend. He knew her well enough to know the change in tone, and to know that it was a defense mechanism . . . and to know that he had earned anything less than kind she would say to him. In a weird way, he hoped she did for it would be far better than her acting as if he was guiltless. "I can not accept that you have no blame towards me." How could he, when he knew she should. When he was certain that she had to have some sort of blame rightfully placed on him.

Her question was an interesting one, and Arthur paused for a few pensive moments. He could not reveal the identity of the woman he did love -- to protect both Guinevère and Sasha -- but he also knew that she deserved an honest answer about it. "Only to some extent," he began. Just as she was not an emotional person, neither was Arthur. He rarely disclosed his feelings to others, keeping them to himself, for it was something that he was raised to be a weakness for a man: to allow their emotions to overcome them. "I know what it is like to not be able to be with the person that you love." He hated saying that, for it was only a painful reminder over what was upsetting her in the first place. At the same time, he wanted her to know that he could relate, even if it was not to the same magnitude as what she was feeling right now. By saying this, he also hoped she somehow understood that there was a reason he had not married the woman he loved sooner, and in the process of doing so would have spared Sasha all this pain.

"Which is why I would never wish it upon you," he added. He knew that agonizing pain. Ever since he first fell in love with Guinevère . . . knowing that nothing could come of it. That there were too many obstacles preventing them from being together, rather than encouraging them to be a couple. Having to see her every day, with that knowledge had hurt a great deal more than he could ever admit. Then of course, having to see her with another man . . . knowing that it would be easier to be with him, but allowing his selfishness to only pursue her after he left in the woods. But the pain had subsided when Arthur knew for certain, that one day, he would marry Guinevère. Who knew when that day would be, but he was past believing that they could not have a future together, and hoped that today's events of rejecting the marriage to another woman, showed Guinevère that too. But of course, this was not helping Sasha's situation. Arthur had gone through that, but it was not unrequited love. It was just the barrier of not being able to be with the person he loved. Which was why his ability to relate to her present emotional state, only went so far.

[[ WOO! You better not go anywhere!! I'll send Arthur out searching for Sasha and not stopping until he finds her! And no pressure to reply! Take as much time as you need!! I myself can be pretty slow as well!! ]]

[Sasha]

Wait. . . what was she doing?! Why was Sasha being cold? Even though he said otherwise, he did not deserve it at all! "No, it doesn't matter," she said calmly, trying to make amends for her earlier tone of voice. She reached her hand out to her shoulder, specifically in a friendly way rather than in affection. A comforting way. She didn't want to go too far. "Arthur, no one can blame you for not telling me sooner. It is an important subject." Yes, time for her to be a bit more. . . understanding, rather than thinking about her own feelings.

"If you love someone else, I can't change that," she stated. "Neither do I want to. . . for you sound, like you are dedicated to her." It was hard saying these things. . . she wished she never had to say them, but she was still close to the Prince and he deserved to hear this from her. He wanted the trutha nd he had gotten it; the truth in which she was not angry with him, and in fact was happy for him that he was content outside of this conversation.

"I'm happy for you," Sasha gave him a smile, something that was not forced. She let her hand drop from his shoulder, as it was lingering. "When I say I can never truly be angry, you should believe that." She let out a chuckle, "It's almost impossible for me." In other words, Sasha was openly admitting that she wuld be angry for a moment and then when she looked at him she thought. . . "How can I be angry with him?".

[ Haha! I'll never leave this place! It's way to addictive! My home on the internet! <3 ]

[Arthur Pendragon]

She was being far too understanding, and while Arthur knew it was in Sasha's nature to be such a way . . . he could not accept that he was blameless. He had been a coward; knowing that he had suggested a more intimate relationship with her -- the day he had kissed her -- and then by avoiding the subject, when it had been left unresolved. Yes. He was a coward. Just like he had proven to be on the wedding. Had he truly had the courage, he should have gone to Elena, Lord Godwyn, and his father long before the day of the wedding. He should have said no right at the beginning, instead of allowing things to linger on . . . to the point of walking down the aisle. He had been afraid of humiliating Elena and her father -- as well as his own -- and he still held that fear that he had. It was strange. Arthur had no hesitation being the first in line of battle, being the first to charge towards a thread . . . yet when it came to affairs of the heart, more emotional situations, he avoided it. Not being good at vocalizing his emotions was no excuse. For in the end, he just ended up hurting those he cared about.

"It is an important subject," he agreed. "Which is precisely why I should have come to you sooner." He knew it was in the past and that he could not do anything to change it . . . but he had to at least try to earn her forgiveness. Try to salvage a relationship -- a friendship -- with her, though knew he'd have to accept her decision if she wished otherwise. "What happened between us . . . " Before. Years ago. "That was important too, and I should not have trivialized it by ignoring it." Just because he did not return the same kind of love she felt for him, did not make what happened unimportant. He should not have suggested that it was frivolous. Again though, she was right. She couldn't change who he loved; no one could. His heart was claimed by another woman, and truth be told, Arthur would not have it any other way for he could not imagine loving a woman other than Guinevère. He remained silent when she spoke of how it sounded like he was dedicated to her. Again, it was true. The fact that Sasha now knew his reasons for denying a marriage with Elena, made it clear as to why: because of his dedication to another.

"I am," Arthur confirmed in a low voice, knowing that her words could not have been easy to say, and his not easy to hear. But she knew already . . . which was why he would not absolve himself of blame. Which was why he admired and respected her all the more for being understanding . . . too understanding. She was happy for him. And he knew she was not lying, even if she had expressed through her confession of her love for her, that she wanted things to be different. He looked at her hand as it dropped from his shoulder. He did not seek out her anger . . . but he would almost feel better if she lashed out at him and admitted that this was his fault, for not having confronted things sooner. For not having given closure to their previously suggested -- and even potential at the time -- relationship. He took her hand in his and kissed the top of it once again, an action of gratitude perhaps . . . he wasn't sure. He released it after a soft, lingering kiss. "You are entitled to be angry," he added, not about to run away from that truth. "You truly are a remarkable woman Sasha. And deserve far better than this." She deserved far better than what her life has offered her in recent years: the death of her beloved father, a psychologically disturbed mother, and an unrequited love.

[Sasha]

"I know I am. But. . ." Sasha said quietly, her voice almost shaking. It wa half her fault too, kind of... because Arthur had already told her that he loved another about a year ago. She should have known that was who he was talking about, not her. "I'd rather just leave this subject to die off, without any blame from me or you. Besides, it's partly my fault... about a year ago you told me you loved someone else, so... I should have known that is who you were talking about." She didn't know why she hadn't thought of that earlier. And she just couldn't understand why she was going through the same heart piercing pain she'd gone through after the dragon attack. But all she knew was that she apparently still loved Prince Arthur Pendragon, and that it still hurt...


"Like I said, I am happy for you," she smiled. "I'm glad you have someone to love, someone that loves you back." That was one of the best and also saddest blessings of being in love, to be able to feel truly happy for the other person. She thought of what had happened in the last ten years... her father's death, her mother suddenly revealing herself as a horrible witch, and Arthur not returning her love. All three things which hurt her deeply, one of them which she'd never get over. She still missed Sir Peter Tiberius, even to this very moment. But somehow, she knew she would be alright.