Only A Kiss

[Arthur Pendragon]

When she said that she'd rather let the topic die off, he respected that. He would not push it, for he had already told her of what he could, leaving out important details to protect everyone involved. He tried to remember if he had actually told her all that time ago that he loved someone else, or if he had just told her that he didn't love her in the same way. In either case, it was no excuse for allowing this issue to fester and build up, and not addressing it properly. He had just not even considered that things would lead to this now. "I'm sorry," he said in a soft voice. He was not sorry for loving Guinevère, but he was sorry that he had led Sasha on. To develop feelings for him that he could not and would never be able to reciprocate. He knew that there was not much else he could say to make this up to her, or to explain himself. Only that he had walked out of his wedding for Guinevère . . . and no one else.

"What will you do?" He asked, having asked Guinevère a similar question, but the context was entirely different. Would Sasha stay in Camelot? Had he pushed her too far away? She said she was happy for him and he believed her. He did not doubt her sincerity. But he also did not doubt that he had hurt her and that he knew this must be difficult for her. So he was curious as to what she would do. Remain in Camelot? He doubted as if the two of them could pretend like nothing had happened. It was part of the reason why they had been do distant from each other for the . . . months he had been falling in love with Guinevère. Not only because there had been so much going on in the kingdom, but because Arthur had not wanted to spend his time with other women, wooing them, flattering them; when his heart had only remained with Guinevère. Even if they had not fully accepted their feelings as something that was possible in the future at the time.

[Sasha]

Needless to say again, this was very painful for her. But she knew that saying these things and meaning them would help her get through this. He apologized again, but immediately she gave him a look saying 'You don't have to'. Truly, it was her fault for having the hope that he might love her... especially because he had already told her a while ago that he did not. “It is not your fault, Arthur, be sure of that,” she said quietly.

His next question made her think for a moment. A question that she could not answer. “I don't know,” Sasha began softly, her tears starting to dry up... for the time being. “Well... I'm sure there are still good men here at the court.” She had absolutely no current plans on meeting another man. The thought repulsed her at the moment. However, she did know one good man she truly liked other than Arthur. The only difference was in rank.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"It is not your fault, Arthur, be sure of that." There was nothing he was more unsure of. He knew this was his fault, but he did not wish to debate her. He did not wish to hear that he was exempt from blame. Because, he had hurt someone he cared about. He had his reasons for not having been more honest -- to protect Guinevère -- but that didn't mean he should have left things so inconclusive with her. Where was the honor in that? He held such high respect for women, especially ones he considered such dear friends. He should have approached her, years ago. But all he could do was lament now, and regret his decision not to. As the realization of what the consequences of his avoidance were "Well... I'm sure there are still good men here at the court." Arthur gave a soft, slightly encouraging smile at her words. He hoped she found someone for she deserved to be with someone who could love her back. Not a man who's heart belonged with another.

"There are," he agreed, wondering how cliche it would sound of him to assure her that she would find someone. He wanted her to be happy, yet he didn't want to make it sound like he pitied her. He felt horrible for his actions -- or inactions -- had hurt her, but he knew that the last thing she probably wanted right now was to hear him go on about how she would find someone. "Do not settle for anyone less than you deserve. For you truly deserve to be happy." He knew he'd said that before, but he felt the need to repeat it. He couldn't even offer to make introductions to men in court because . . . that was slightly awkward. Especially with this being so, built up. Coming to fully crash down now. "Is there anything I can do Sasha?" He asked, truly wanting to help her in whatever way he could. He obviously could not give her his love, but he wanted to know if there was anything that he could give her. Anything.

[Sasha]

Sasha didn't really want to think about other men right now. So she quickly tried to think about something else. When he asked if there was anything he could do for her she was glad for the change of subject, but shook her head. “No, I think I'll be okay,” Sasha answered him gently. “Thank you, Arthur,” she added quietly.

Shock was seeping into her emotions again. She replayed the words she had on the night he'd first told her that he did not love her. Never. She would NEVER be with him. She would never be able to show him how much she still loved him. She would never be able to become his wife. None of that. Ever. And that hurt unbelievably.

“I think I should go!” Sasha blurted out with a smile. Though it was faked. She truly hoped he didn't notice. “I need to ask Nicolae to wash one of my blankets.” She did have to do that eventually, but at the moment she was just using it as an excuse to end their conversation. So she could go off and try to get everything together in her mind. But if he needed to ask her anything else, she would be glad to listen.