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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Dec 2, 2011 19:32:08 GMT -5
Arthur did not miss the pleading in her tone of voice. But he could not heed to it. She was speaking of how he would regret it. Sounding so sure. And he knew he would not. Because between this and sentencing her to death, this was the better option. Because the other one . . . he could not do. He could not kill the woman he loved. For as little as she loved him, he loved her. So no. He could not reconsider. He could not regret it. But he did not say this right away. He held back his surprise when she told him that he needed to forgive her. Needed to forgive her? Did Isadora know what happened? Did she hear of it, or only rumors and did not believe all of them to be true? Arthur wasn't sure he would be able to give details of what happened to her. He did not think he could bring to words the image that haunted his mind. He understood why Isadora was saying this, but as the same time thought that she of all people would understand why this was necessary. After several moments of silence passed, he spoke.
"Tell me. If you had witnessed Alistair in the arms of another woman on the eve of your wedding, what would you have done?" Because, out of all people, she would understand the most. She would one day be queen, so would have to react to such a situation appropriately, considering her position and how her people perceived her. She knew what it was to fight so hard for something. For her and Alistair's relationship had not been a smooth course. As much as Arthur hated bringing up rank, it also played a factor. Though personally to him it did not matter . . . it matter to society. Surely, Isadora understood that. Would she really have just forgiven Alistair and married him the next day had she seen him do such a thing? Arthur did not mean to offend her by suggesting that he would betray her like that. He never believed Guinevère would have ever done that. But he was presenting it as a hypothetical situation. Trying to get her to see it from his perspective. If she was in his position, what would she have done.
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Post by isadora on Dec 2, 2011 20:53:14 GMT -5
She had heard that Guinevère was with another man, and though she was hesitant to believe it, she knew that Arthur would not be reacting so rashly unless he had seen it for himself. So she would not question that what he had seen was the truth. But at his hypothetical situation, what would she do in his place? Alistair had admitted to being with other women before her, but he had also assured her that he'd felt nothing for them the way he did for her; and that he never would. She tried to imagine what she would have done.
She would not have been able to kill him, she knew that; but she'd lived one year without him already, and she didn't know if she could do it again. If he didn't wish to be with her, that would be one thing... "Living without him is like living without a part of myself. I tried to send him away once, and it was the most miserable year of my life." She had tried everything she could think of to forget him, or move on, and nothing had worked. "I think you know that I would do anything to be with him." She pointed out, she had lied to her people for him before; and even if he hurt her like that.... "As long as he still wished to be with me, I'd find a way to forgive him; and damn what everyone else says." She spent so much time worrying about what others thought, but she'd decided a while ago that she wouldn't let the opinions of others keep her and Alistair apart. He was far too important to her for that. [/size]
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Dec 4, 2011 18:38:29 GMT -5
Arthur could fully relate with her first words. As he knew that Guinevère was a huge part of him. That without her, he would lose his greatest strength. That he would be in the depths of despair without her. But, it was not because of any other circumstance that prevented them from being together. This time, it was her own decision. And that was why it hurt the most. Because it had been something she wanted . . . and that was not Arthur. She had wanted something more than a life with him. She wanted to be in the arms of another man. And clearly her actions had shown that she was willing to do anything, willing to risk everything to just be with him. Had he not found her, would she and Lancelot had an affair while she was married to him? The thought was sickening, but Arthur was questioning so many things. "I think you know that I would do anything to be with him." These words caused him to sharply turn his head towards her.
"And you don't think I would do anything to be with her?" That he had done anything to be with her. That he had fought every day for them. That he had rejected a strong ally's proposal so that he could be with her. That he had offered to give up his kingdom if only to be with her. That he would give up his own life if it meant she could live. The thoughts of what they had been through only caused him pain. Because in the end, he was always her other choice. Never her first. And he should have known that the day in the woods when he saw her take Lancelot's hand. She had made her choice then, and Arthur was fool to try and make her love him more than the other. He should never forced himself on her. He should have found Lancelot and let her have been happy. To spare them both from their pain now. Arthur knew that his anger and hurt was surfacing once more. And Isadora's words were only fueling it. Through no fault of her own; only that Arthur did not want to hear this right now. It was so easy for another to claim that they would still be with someone if they betrayed them. So easy . . . until they were put in the actual position.
"Seems so easy doesn't it," he said with slight sarcasm. "To just, forgive a person. To say it, not really knowing what it feels to be betrayed." Because, Isadora was truly blessed to not be betrayed by another. Arthur had. He knew the pain it left. And it was the worst when the betrayal came from the one person he loved above everyone else in this world. So yes. It was easy to just say that she would forgive him. But, would she really if she was in his place? Trying to calm himself, though it was getting increasingly difficult. "You think I am doing this because of what others say?" He now turned to fully face her, trying to keep himself composed, though his attempt to suppress the hurt and anger on his face only backfired, and he feared it made it more apparent. "She made a choice tonight." Guinevère. She had made her choice. "And she must live with the consequences." Because it was not just about what others thought. There more to it. So much more.
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Post by isadora on Dec 4, 2011 23:15:45 GMT -5
Isadora hadn't meant her words as a slight to him, to imply that he wouldn't do the same...and yet, there it was. She would do anything to be with Alistair, and she knew that, because being without him had been misery. Yet she didn't know that until she had gone through it herself. "I think you will...once you realize what it is to be without her." It hurt now, she knew that it couldn't not hurt, but if Guinevère truly was the love of his life, as Alistair was the love of hers, then she knew that it would get worse before it got better.
Isadora tried not to feel the sting of his words, to dismiss the rise of anger that his assumption brought. She knew nothing of betrayal? Perhaps not, but she did know a thing or two about forgiveness. "He kidnapped me," she replied quietly. She had never told Arthur how she felt about being kidnapped by Alistair, because she knew that it was something that Arthur himself still held against him. "Do you think that was so easy to forgive?" It wasn't the same as betrayal, she knew, and she knew now that Alistair would never do anything to hurt her again, but she had to forgive him nonetheless, for all the fear and sadness and anger he'd caused her intentionally. At least Gwen hadn't meant to hurt Arthur.
When he spoke of Guinevère's actions, Isadora wasn't sure what she could say. That Guinevère didn't mean it? But she didn't know whether or not that was true, she hadn't spoken to Guinevère and had no idea what was going through her mind when she did this. If she simply wished to be with another, why didn't she tell Arthur? It may have been the night before the wedding, but Isadora was sure that Arthur would have abided her wishes and quietly called off the wedding, rather than humiliating them all with this public display. Isadora didn't understand, and so she couldn't defend Guinevère. And yet, she wanted to protect Arthur. "You both must," she amended his statement about the consequences, because it was not only Guinevère who would suffer. "Even if you cannot be with her, by banishing her you are denying her so much as a second chance, and denying yourself a chance to forgive her." How could you forgive someone you would never see again? [/size]
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Dec 6, 2011 21:48:25 GMT -5
"I think you will...once you realize what it is to be without her." It was something that Arthur was dreading. So fearful of. To be without her. For four years he had only imagined a life with her. In the beginning, he had dared to dream a future with her and as the years progressed, a future with her became more and more clear. To the point where they had named their children, and thought of what they would do with his chambers when it became theirs. And that was before they had been formally engaged. So he knew that he would miss her. Every moment of every day, he would miss her. But he could not ignore her actions. He could not forget them . . . he could not yet even consider forgiving them. Not when they were so fresh; so new; so, vivid in his mind. When she spoke of how Alistair kidnapped her, these words surprised him. All other times he had spoken to Isadora about Alistair, it had been Arthur who held that against him. And she had always convinced him that he did not mean any harm.
That Alistair had taken care of her during the kidnapping. That he had not hurt her. That he had justifiable reasons for doing what he did. "You defend his actions," he reminded her, knowing that it was his anger and hurt that was making him slightly more blunt than usual. And he truly felt bad for it. Part of him hoped that she left before he said something he would deeply regret. The other part felt such a strong comfort in having a close friend right now. It was a contradiction; and it was selfish of him. He knew that. Just as he knew it had been selfish of him to ever think that Guinevère had been his. "You tell me that he did not hurt you. That he meant no harm. That he was justified in his actions." Arthur was in no way condoning Alistair's actions. He still strongly disagreed with his criminal acts. He was merely reminding Isadora of what she told him about them. "He did not love you when he took you. But when he did love you, he was not in another woman's arms on the eve of your wedding."
Another reminder, that it was a different kind of forgiveness. That she loved Alistair and that was why she could forgive him. But Arthur's love for Guinevère was what prevented him from forgiving her. Because she had betrayed him. Because he had given her his heart, only to toss it to the side so she could claim anothers. He hated the bitter thoughts that ran through his mind, but for the time being . . . they could not be helped. She spoke of how banishment was not the way to learn to forgive her, that he must forgive her. He must? He must do nothing. Because he had learned that the closer he held someone to his heart, the more it would hurt him in the end. He had learned that the hard way, with Morgana. "If you say that you do not give a damn about what others think, then why lie about Alistair's identity." She spoke of how she would have forgiven Alistair and damn what everyone else thought. But it was not that simple. Because Arthur and her had something in common: they were both in the public eye.
Everything in their personal lives had political repercussions. That they couldn't do whatever they wished because it had consequences on the people, on the kingdom, on everything. So it was not that easy. It never would be. And that was part of the reason Arthur had to send her away. Because he couldn't look on her. Because he couldn't execute her. "I can not pretend that nothing happened," he added. And that was what he would be doing by letting her stay here. But acting as if she did nothing wrong. When she had. Why could she not have been more honest with him? It would have broken him, but he would have accepted it easier if she just came to him and told him that she had doubts in being with him. Instead, she chose to sneak around. She chose to break every promise she ever made to him. He trusted her above all others, and this was what happened. She went to her former love, or lover still . . . before she was to marry him. She had gone to another. Not the man she claimed to love above all others, but another.
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Post by isadora on Dec 7, 2011 0:52:21 GMT -5
She bit her lip when he spoke of how she had always rushed to Alistair's defense, how she always justified his actions; and she still believed it all. She had to, or else she wouldn't be able to love him. And yet, the truth was that he had hurt her, whatever his intentions. That he had terrified her, and made her feel weak and helpless and that had been his goal. She had never admitted it to anyone, least of all Alistair himself, but while she did have good memories of those days, she also had some of the worst memories of her life from them.
"And that's all still true." She would still defend him, even now. "But...he made me feel so helpless. I thought I was going to die." By the time they'd parted, she didn't feel that way any longer, but it had taken her longer than that to forgive him for what he'd done. It wasn't until she'd locked him up that she'd finally been able to. But she couldn't argue with what he said next; Alistair had never been with another woman since he'd met her. He said he'd never be with anyone else again, and she believed him, just as she would never be with anyone else either. "You're right, it's different. But I still think she deserves a second chance." For both their sakes.
Isadora paused when he asked about why she lied about Alistair's identity. "Because it's easier," lying about who he was wouldn't cause a war, when admitting to it surely would have. And so far, it had worked. "Before we started this...ruse, I did give a damn. But now..." she trailed off for a moment, considering her next words. She still cared about what people thought, but things had changed since Sabina was born. Before, she loved her kingdom too much to leave it for him, but now...now, if something happened that forced her to choose between Alistair and Gwent, she would choose him. "I know it's terribly selfish of me, but if I had to choose between them, I would choose Alistair and Sabina over my kingdom." It was wrong, and she knew it, but it was honest. "I think I can finally understand, a little bit, why your father did the things he did." And now she could relate to a mad tyrant. It was wrong.
He said he couldn't pretend nothing had happened. "You don't have to...I'm not saying you should marry her tomorrow. Just...don't preclude her from ever returning to your life." Alistair always said that the stars had brought them together, time and time again...maybe if Arthur and Guinevère were meant to be, the same thing would happen for them. But Isadora wasn't willing to put all her faith in the stars if she could convince him otherwise. [/size]
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Dec 16, 2011 2:59:46 GMT -5
He in no way would understand the druid's actions toward her. He was still angry about them, but they had passed that vocalizing of anger. He was her husband, and Arthur accepted that. At the same time, he was not going to compare her situation with him and Guinevère, to what happened with Isadora and Alistair. It was completely different. Total different circumstances. "He should never have instilled that fear in you," Arthur began to say in a firm voice. He knew she would defend him, but in this moment . . . she was focusing more on how she had actually been afraid. Because they both knew that Arthur did not need convincing to have a kind attitude for Alistair. Arthur's words were merely to show that he was not trying to justify the man's actions. "But, has he ever hurt or betrayed you after the two of you were in love; after you had agreed to get married?" Arthur didn't mean hurt as in the arguments and such. He meant, a heartbreaking betrayal. Such as . . . him being in another woman's arms. That was the example he was trying to give. That yes, Alistair had his crimes . . . but she always told Arthur of how he protected her now.
How he would take care of her. That was all Arthur had wanted to do for Guinevère; yet now, the opposite had to happen. He was forced to step away from her life. Because clearly, she had not wanted to be a part of his. Isadora then spoke of a second chance. As if it were so easy. "This is not something that can be fixed with a second chance," he said in a low voice. Having trouble keeping a level tone. One void of any tremble or quiver in his voice. From the anger; from the hurt. "Because it's easier." Easier because of all the political complications that would arise. There was a difference. In the beginning, it would always be easier to lie. The reason Arthur couldn't have was because everyone knew Guinevère. That, and so many other reasons. "It is not selfish of you," he said in almost an assuring voice. But more than anything, an understanding one. For her to say she would choose her family above her kingdom was not selfish. Because . . . Arthur had placed Guinevère above Camelot, even before they were married.
"Because I would do the same," he admitted. The admittance was hard because . . . well, because if how everything had ended. He knew that making one more confession would not matter now. It would not change anything. Only perhaps make Isadora realize how much he had -- and still -- loved Guinevère. That he was not doing this to be spiteful. But he could not forgive her so easily; because she had hurt him so very deeply. "Over a year ago, my father banished her," Arthur explained, not going into the extreme details of it. "I fully intended to go with her." He wasn't even sure how his voice was coming out so steady. Perhaps he was just numbed from all the hurt. "Because I loved her. Because I would give up my title, my rights to the throne, my kingdom . . . for her." He would give up his own life for her. Having done so, yet not even something he thought he needed to bring voice to. He did it not for the credit, but to genuinely protect her from all harm. He slowly turned to look at Isadora, using all his strength to prevent any tears from entering his eyes.
"To now know that she does not feel the same, that she would rather be with another. Another that I knew she loved years before tonight." Another confession . . . that this was not a one night thing. That he knew part of Guinevère loved Lancelot. He just didn't know it was to this extent. "Hurts, more than I can possibly say." More than he cared to say. Because words were insufficient. "I can not let her back in my life," he added in a stronger, more determined voice. For now, he felt that he would never see her again. That he did not want to see her again. "She made her choice. And it was to betray me." A man who she claimed to love . . . who she agreed to marry! On the eve of their wedding, she had gone to another! How could he ever overlook this fact? How could they ever go back to the way things were? He waited for her for years, and when they could finally have everything . . . she'd thrown it all away.
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Post by isadora on Dec 16, 2011 3:46:00 GMT -5
Isadora didn't respond to Arthur's assertion that Alistair should never have done that to her...she might agree, but if he hadn't, would she ever have met him? It was worth it, to be with him now, but if they really were meant to be as Alistair always insisted, then they would have gotten together another way. Even so, she wouldn't argue with Arthur, or agree with him. With the issue at hand, that discussion was neither here nor there.
But at his next question, she couldn't remain silent. Since they had fallen in love, Alistair had never done anything to betray her. He'd angered her on many, many occasions...but he'd never betrayed her. Never so much as glanced at another woman, or expressed any desire to be without her. He'd changed his whole life for her. And he'd considered her his wife since long before she had made it official. She shook her head, frowning. "No, he has not." She answered simply, aware that she didn't quite understand what he was going through.
When Alistair had been gone for a year, Isadora had only hoped that Alistair didn't love her, because if he did, she thought that it had to mean he was dead, and she couldn't bear that. She had been so heartbroken, but even though he didn't return, she held out hope that he wasn't dead, and that he would be back soon. And he had. But that wasn't really Alistair's fault; he hadn't actually betrayed her, he had been kept away from her against his will.
She was surprised when Arthur tried to assure her that she wasn't selfish; her eyes widening slightly, and she looked up at him with confusion. She'd thought he'd tell her that was madness; that ruling the country was her duty and responsibility and she couldn't let her personal feelings interfere with that. It was what she repeatedly told herself, even though she knew she'd ignore that sense of responsibility if she found herself in a position to choose. Her family would always come first.
She was even more surprised to learn that he had already been in a position to choose, and that he had chosen Guinevère. Obviously, he'd found some way to avert his father's decision, but it was a shocking revelation nonetheless. She found her arguments melting away, because he was right. She couldn't understand what he was going through, and the more she tried to convince him, the more she came to think he might be right. Maybe for them...this was right. Maybe they weren't like she and Alistair....maybe they just weren't meant to be.
When he finished, she had no more words. She couldn't change his mind, that much was obvious, and while she hated to admit it, she wasn't sure if she even should. They were in love...but love didn't always mean forever. She looked at him imploringly, her heart breaking. "Arthur," she finally said, giving a sigh. "I'm so sorry." She apologized again to show her sympathy, she didn't know what else she could say or do, but he knew she was there if he needed her. [/size]
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Dec 16, 2011 4:02:58 GMT -5
Her silence spoke plenty. He knew Isadora well enough to know that when she firmly believed in something, she would speak for it. She was a strong woman, voicing her opinions on matters, which was a trait that he had always known would make her an excellent queen. Just as she had when she came in this room and offered words of comfort and attempt to change his mind. But now . . . she said nothing. No words to offer him. Simply a few simple words that answered his question. A question that part of him had already known the answer to, yet had only wanted her to voice it. To bring realization as to what he meant when he asked it. And then, her words of apology. Telling him she was sorry. She spoke nothing of his revelations because . . . well, what was there to say? That in a way, made him more devastated. Because she had backed down from her argument. Had she accepted his decision? Realized why he made her? Her condolence didn't sound like she was just dismissing the idea to avoid the sake of arguing. It sounded sincere enough for her to realize why he had banished Guinevère.
To realize that it was not as simple as asking for forgiveness and then giving it. It was more than that. And now, even Isadora knew that. He wasn't sure whether he in return should apologize . . . but he didn't. He couldn't. What was there to apologize for? Speaking the truth? Making her realize that no matter how hard you fought for something, that didn't mean it was meant to be. They had both fought for the ones they loved. Isadora had fought to be with Alistair and Arthur had fought to be with Guinevère. The difference was that only one of them got their happy ending. And the other couple's fate resulted in heartbreak. It was a harsh reality check, if nothing else. That this, was the world he was meant to be in. One of solitude. One where allowing people close to him, would only result in hurt. He should have learned that with Morgana . . . but he didn't. He wanted so desperately to believe that not everything in this world was filled with darkness. That there was hope; there was a light in every seemingly dark situation. Unfortunately, his light -- his Guinevère -- only added to the darkness that everything was clouded with.
Now, more than ever, he understood his father's reasons for not allowing anyone else close to him. Why he had told Arthur that he could not be a friend to the people as well as their sovereign. Why . . . a man was stronger standing on his own, then risking getting hurt. Women had a great deal of power of a man, whether they knew it or not. Women, were what could make any man crumble . . . which was why Arthur felt as if he had fallen so completely apart. "Don't," he said, his voice a soft whisper when he had tried -- and failed -- to make his tone harsh. He slowly brought his gaze to her, knowing now that tears filled his eyes though he would not let them spill. They merely added a glisten to them, and he cursed himself for showing such emotion right now. "Please, don't apologize." It was practically a beg. A desperate plea because he wasn't sure he could handle pity right now. He of course knew she did so with the best intentions . . . but he just couldn't hear it right now. He was too broken to hear it.
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Post by isadora on Dec 21, 2011 17:52:02 GMT -5
Isadora didn't know what else she could say, or do to help her friend. It was obvious now that she wasn't going to be able to talk him out of this banishment...and she wasn't even sure she wanted to anymore. She had been so sure when she came here that she should convince him to forgive her, that this could be a thing fixed with words alone; but maybe this wasn't one of those things. It was heartbreaking to look into his eyes and see the pain there.
Even in the dim light, she could see the tears glistening in his eyes, and she bit down on her lower lip to keep it from trembling. She hated to see him in such pain, even moreso since she knew there was nothing she could do about it. "Oh, Arthur," she murmured when he begged her not to apologize, his tears and vulnerability bringing out the maternal instincts in her and knocking out any sense of propriety that may have been holding her back.
Stepping closer to him, she reached out to embrace him, much the same way she would her own wailing daughter when she would have nightmares...even if he was much bigger than little Sabina. "It's okay...it's all going to be okay." She murmured reassuringly, she knew it might not seem that way now, but eventually...this too would pass. "Everything will work out in the end, Arthur." She had to believe it, and she wanted him to believe it too. If he and Gwen were not meant to be together, then he would find someone else. He would find the one he was meant to be with. [/size]
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Feb 10, 2012 2:47:48 GMT -5
Arthur knew that she must thing him an overgrown child. He wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be guarded, and keep himself detached from his emotions. Enough to function. His father had taught him so much and one of those things was to suppress his emotions; for they were a weakness. A king could not be over emotional and dramatic. Yet . . . that was what he was right now. In these moments, in her presence, he should be stronger. The thoughts were enough to prevent any tears spilling from his eyes. But it did not ease the breaking of his heart. Knowing that all this time, he had been played yet again by a woman he had loved. That in that year of Guinevère and Lancelot being here . . .well, who knows how much had happened.
As if Morgana's betrayal hadn't been painful enough. He'd lost a sister, a father and now he lost a wife -- before they were even wed. The detectable pattern was teaching him that it was not others that were to be blamed. It was him. There was something that he was doing wrong, and he needed to find out what it was before he allowed anyone else into his heart . . . only to have the pieces of it broken to shattered bits. Eventually, he pulled away from her embrace, grateful for it, but also knew that it marked such weakness. "Perhaps some things are just not meant to be," he concluded. He had wasted the past few years of his life . . . waiting for a woman who didn't even want him. He had believed so strongly in their life, only to have it thrown back in his face . . . for she had settled for him.
That this was not how he should be acting in front of her. She had sought him out as a friend, and he had nothing but harsh words to offer her. "It was not my intention to burden you with this," he told her, hoping she knew at least that much. He looked into the eyes of his dear friend and allied princess. "You are truly blessed Isadora." Because she was married to the person she loved. Because she had a daughter. A family. When it was all Arthur had ever wanted, and yet each family relation he had -- or tried to build -- was lost. And so in that sense she was lucky . . . truly lucky.
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Post by isadora on Mar 18, 2012 1:02:13 GMT -5
Isadora did not think him weak for his sorrow, she could not imagine anyone embracing such pain without a reaction such as his. She wanted to comfort him, to make everything okay just as she had promised it would all be, but she knew that was beyond her power. She knew he would recover...she believed it with all she had...she just wished that somehow she could help, or speed it along to spare him such pain. She hated to see the people she cared about suffer so.
When he released her, she put her hand over his reassuringly, giving his knuckles a comforting squeeze. At his words, she felt hot tears swelling in her own eyes. "Perhaps not, but Arthur, you will find someone. The...the stars will bring you together." That was what Alistair always said, that the stars had brought the two of them together because they belonged together. They would bring Arthur to the person he belonged with, too. She was sure of it.
She frowned when he spoke of burdening her, then shook her head vehemently. "It is no burden to comfort a friend...and if it is, I welcome it." She had come of her own free will, to ensure he was all right. They had been friends for years, it was not a thing she took lightly. She squeezed his hand again when he told her she was blessed, and she could hear the sincerity in his voice...and the longing. "It is a blessing you will one day know, I am sure." Even if Guinevère would not be a part of it...Arthur would be happy again. She was certain of that. [/size]
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