Hard To Believe? (Merlin)

[Caitrin de Archer]

As she thought upon that night, when she had all those strange pains, she felt a little jump in her stomach, as if something was moving within her. It was so strange to think that if things had been different, then she might already have a baby, and be welcoming a sibling rather than a first born. Caitrin had never been so scared as she had been that night. Really, she could remember little of what had actually happened; she remembered feeling dizzy, and she had been in so much pain that it had almost all become unbearable. She had blacked out from what she could remember, or perhaps she had just blocked out what had happened next. She never saw the baby, she could just remember the blood, and her stained gown. The smell of death had hung about her for weeks afterwards. She blinked again, and got the same sensation as before; a soft jump in her belly. Even though all her dark memories still plagued her mind, she found herself manage a small smile as she placed a hand on her belly. “They moved.” Was all she could think to say. Merlin took her shoulders, and she felt empowered by his words. He had this way about him which almost made you certain that you would be fine, no matter what.

It was insane that she was putting her hopes into the hands of an apprentice, but he just sounded so determined that she was completely taken in by it all. Caitrin really felt like she trusted Merlin, and whether she was a fool for doing so, or whether her trust was well placed would show in time. “Away from Camelot? Why away from Camelot?” She asked slowly. Did he just mean the centre or did he mean the Kingdom altogether? She couldn’t just leave, she had nowhere else to go. “My Uncle’s estate is near the border to Mercia, is that far enough?” Caitrin stopped for a moment, shouldn’t Camelot be the safest place to be surely? She wasn’t sure now that he had said it, because last time something had happened to Camelot, she had lost her baby. Caitrin trusted Arthur to keep them all safe, and perhaps that was why she was so reluctant to run. Her loyalty had already cost her a child though, and she wasn’t sure how much more she was able to sacrifice. She had nothing more to give.

There was this life within her that she had to protect now, she had been a headstrong, stubborn and frankly stupid woman at times during her younger years. Now however was the time for change. She had to protect this baby, and she felt reassured by Merlin’s words, so much so that she felt like she was a little more optimistic about her situation on the whole. Her baby would be fine, she would rather die than let anything happen to them.

[youngwarlock]

"Please I must ask that you trust me" he began, a look of desperation on his features. If Morgana attacked Camelot again, and Merlin held no doubt that she would, Caitrin would be in grave danger, as would her unborn child.

The servant lowered his tone, not wanting to alarm the young woman too much, but she simply had to know. "I fear that Morgana will return to Camelot" he said softly, hoping his words wouldn't frighten her too much, for she still had time to get away. "If she does then everyone will be in danger. Mercia is much safer for you but please..." He looked into her eyes, his grey depths filled with honesty and concern. "Don't stay here."

His gentle grasp slowly released her shoulders then, and he took a small step back. He had nothing more to give, but he held onto the hope that she would heed his words and save herself from the destruction he knew Morgana would attempt to bring upon the kingdom.

[Caitrin de Archer]

The way Merlin was speaking, and looking at her, made her completely sure that he wasn’t joking with her. He was serious, and he seemed completely sure that Morgana would try to strike again. Caitrin bit her lip, and worry passed over her face. “What-what makes you think she will strike again?” There was a nervous twinge to her words, and she felt herself shake a little. Morgana did not scare her that much, but what she was capable of did. Once under Morgana’s rule was enough for her, she had no desire to repeat the experience, especially with this baby.

He didn’t understand, and yet, how could he? Caitrin couldn’t return to Mercia, not after the way her father had been with her when she and Griff had visited not so long ago. He had beaten her senseless, and left Griff in a similar state. Griff had been trying to protect her, and it had all gone horribly wrong all at once. Caitrin looked down at the floor and smoothed a hand over her belly. Was anywhere safe for her to be able to bring this little one into the world? “Mercia isn’t safe for me, or my husband.” Caitrin looked at Merlin gravely, she had not really told many this tale, but she felt like she could trust him with this information. “My family cast me out, I never came to Camelot by choice, if I went back, my baby would be in harms’ way in a land which is no longer familiar to me.” She dreaded to think what her father would do to the child, but given what she had suffered by his hand during her childhood, she wasn’t going to chance anything. Mercia would only come in useful as a last minute resort, she would cross the border, but she was not going to reside there for longer than she had to.

What could she say? She sounded completely stupid saying that she wanted to remain in Camelot, but there was nowhere else that they could go. No kingdom would take pity on a heavily pregnant woman and her husband would they? Caitrin felt a little panicked, but tried not to show it. “We’re safe though, under Arthur, aren’t we?” Now she did feel worried, Arthur was the strongest knight she knew, and he was already making such a good king.

[youngwarlock]

The warlock's eyes widened, fixing the girl with a stunned gaze as she confessed the truth to him, fully explaining her situation. He wondered just why Mercia was so unsafe for them, but it did not matter right now. What really mattered was getting this young woman and her husband somewhere that would indeed be safe for them. They could not, under any circumstances, stay in Camelot.

"I'm sorry" he said with genuine sadness in his eyes. "Arthur is strong but Morgana has powerful magic. She will come back, trust me, and when she does, the kingdom will be in grave danger. It's not possible for you to stay here in your condition..." he paused momentarily as an idea occured to him and he wondered why on earth he hadn't thought of it sooner. It would be perfect if Caitrin was willing enough.

"Do you know of Ealdor?" he asked, knowing for certain that his mother would take care of this girl and her unborn child for as long as they needed. "I know someone who will look after you ....You'll be safe there."

[Caitrin de Archer]

No matter how unsafe Merlin thought that Camelot could become in the future, it was nothing compared to what Mercia was like right now for her and Griff. Last time they had been there, even the royal family had not been enough to keep them safe. Her father had beaten her black and blue, and when Griff had tried to fight him off, he had received a similar treatment. Caitrin breathed out slowly; no way was her father hurting this child; she would kill him before he did. That was another reason not to go back; she wasn’t sure she could be counted as being responsible for her actions. Until a few years ago, Caitrin would not have thought magic capable of such evil, and in a way she still didn’t want to believe it. Magic was supposed to be used for a force for good, and to help others; not for selfish gain. Helgund had always taught her that.

“I-I can’t just leave.” She whimpered, “My estate, I have people to look after.” Her Uncle’s lands held residents all around them who relied on the profits of the manor to keep them all clothed, and fed. Caitrin was good friends with a many of them, and she didn’t feel like she could just abandon them. Until she was a few more months pregnant, she would be capable of getting away quickly. They couldn’t just send all the vulnerable people into hiding, the idea was ridiculous. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate Merlin’s concern, but she had duties to attend to, and she couldn’t just run away on the off chance that something did happen. “I have heard of Ealdor, yes.” That was in the kingdom which had belonged to Cenred; the land had been carved up not long after his death, “Merlin….” She paused, “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the concern, but I can’t just run away in case Morgana does attack.” He was right though in a way, could she stay here in her condition? With the constant threat of attack hanging over her head, “What if I-I stay here a while longer, then travel when my pregnancy is further along?”

[youngwarlock]

"I understand that you can't leave, I do...but you must put your safety first, for yourself and for your family" the young warlock replied, glancing down at the young woman's slightly protruding stomach before resting a gentle hand upon her shoulder. He could see how frantically worried she was, and although he knew that he could not force this girl to flee to a safer place, he hoped she would take his advice.

Her next idea seemed all the more risky, Merlin thought. "I can't stop you from doing what you have to do, but to travel when you are further along would surely be more dangerous. If something were to happen it would slow you down." he replied, growing all the more concerned. "Morgana will stop at nothing, she cares for no one. If she were to attack Camelot, anyone found travelling in surrounding areas would also be attacked. Ealdor is just a small village but I'm certain there is enough room for everyone you need to take care of."

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin, through all her worrying and concern knew she could not just abandon her estate and leave at the drop of a hat. At the end of the day, she was the Lady of the Manor, and she took her role seriously; there were peasants on the land who relied on the estate, and of the people who lived there. It was a role her Uncle had fulfilled, and now she and Griff were running most of the place. There was no way she could just go, but then, was it really worth the risk if it was going to harm their unborn child? Caitrin placed her hand again at her belly, wondering what this new life would be like, and she felt a burning sensation within her; Morgana would never get her hands on this baby, and she would not ruin the future she and Griff had planned; Caitrin wouldn’t let her. Perhaps Merlin was not aware how stubborn she was, and how determined she was to fight off any threat to her family. Of course Caitrin had her magic to fall back on as well; she was never alone in that respect.

She drew a deep breath, “I will have to speak with my husband.” She said slowly, “He might want me to go to his parents in Glouchedon if there is trouble.” Not that Caitrin would ever go on her own, mind, but there was an alternative she supposed. However, there was no way that she was going anywhere on her own. She and Griff had spent enough time apart, and she would not leave him. There was no way she was going without him, they had to work in unison, or not at all. After all, she technically couldn’t do anything without her husband’s permission, though she knew that he would never commit her to that, Griff knew her well enough to know she knew her own mind, and would not be persuaded of anything but her own opinion. “I do appreciate your concern Merlin.” She smiled a little, “I feel like you are someone I can trust with a matter such as this.”

[youngwarlock]

The young man didn't know wether to worry all the more or be relieved when Caitrin said that she would have to speak to her husband. Didn't she know just how dangerous Morgana was? The woman would stop at nothing until she got what she wanted, no matter how many people had to die at her hand. Merlin could only hope that the lady Caitrin's husband would share the same opinion, especially if he knew his wife was carrying a child. Glouchedon was far enough to escape Morgana's impending wrath, infact anywhere at all was safer than Camelot, for it was her one and only target.

"Oh you can!" the warlock suddenly exclaimed full of honesty, feeling both surprised and flattered at her words. "Trust me I mean..." he added quickly, blushing a little. For someone such as herself to trust him only a short time after meeting him meant a lot to Merlin. He smiled back at the young woman, though it was a smile quick to fade into concern again as he continued. "I do hope you will leave Camelot before she returns... Morgana has powerful magic. You must understand, she will stop at nothing if she wishes to take Camelot for herself...no matter how many people get hurt."