Hard To Believe? (Merlin)

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin Aubert looked up towards Camelot castle as she continued to walk towards it. She had had walked from her estate today with a guard, forsaking her mare, Lily, because of the occasion. It had been quite a long walk, but she could spend some time in and around the city before she had to head back. Griff and her Uncle were out for the day, and she had been waiting for such an occasion to make her trip, as she could count on the silence of the guard she was travelling with to not mention the journey if she so wished it. The guard was called Guy, and was a middle aged man who had been in her Uncle’s service since she had entered his household as a ward. It amused her that he shared the name of her older brother. As they reached the city, Guy took her arm, and helped to guide her through the markets, even though she told him that he needn’t, and that he didn’t need to fuss.

Guy left her as she made her way up to the castle, as she insisted she wanted to visit Gaius by herself. He had been reluctant at first, but she had left him all the same, and turned around to go up to the castle. She had not been in the castle since the feast to celebrate Arthur’s coronation. She had been so proud of her friend that day, and she had made the effort to come to the celebrations despite not feeling her best. Caitrin had not felt much better since; her sickness still persisted to ail her. Today was the day she was finally going to ask Gaius what was wrong with her. She had been having all sorts of weird symptoms, but the sickness was what worried her the most. From that and her ever swelling belly, she felt like she knew what was wrong with her, but she didn’t want to jump to conclusions. She knew her own body, but she couldn’t let herself believe she was pregnant until someone else had confirmed it. She couldn’t do it to herself. Not after what had happened last time. There was all the worry which came with being pregnant as well. She wasn’t ready to be a mother, and what would happen if her children turned out to have a special skill in sorcery, as she had? Would she have to tell them such pursuits were wrong just because that was what Camelot had decreed? As a sorceress, the prospect was not one she favoured, but she would do what it took to keep her family alive and safe.

Taking the stairs slowly, Caitrin breathed out and pressed her lips together. In a way she was scared, in case she really was ill, and she wasn’t pregnant at all. Pressing her hand to her belly, she ran her slender fingers over the flesh and stood still for a moment. It wasn’t in her nature to be scared, but she couldn’t help it. Ascending the stairs, Caitrin found herself at Gaius’ door and knocked softly on the door before pushing it open, “Gaius, are you in here?” She called out gently as she stepped into the room; a curious smile on her red lips.

Tagged: Merlin
Timeline: A week after The Wicked Day
Time of Day: Mid-Morning
Location: The Physicians Quarters[/color][/size]

[youngwarlock]

Merlin was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring into nothingness. He hadn't wanted to accompany Gaius on his trip to collect herbs. Infact he hadn't wanted to do much of anything at all for the past several days.

It had been a week since King Uther's passing. A week since Arthur had been crowned King. A week since Morgana had ruined everything. Arthur would never accept magic for as long as he lived and there was nothing Merlin could do about it. Everything seemed hopeless, and as for his destiny, well, that seemed utterly pointless now. He could no longer save Albion. It was going to take something very magical to pull Merlin out of this state of complete and utter despair.

An unexpected voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts, making him glance towards his chamber door. He really didn't want to go out there but at the same time, he couldn't just leave someone wandering around in Gaius' chambers, especially when Gaius probably wouldn't be back for some time.

Slowly lifting himself from the bed with a sigh, Merlin moved over to the door and peered through the crack. He couldn't see much but the sound of movement told him there was still somebody in there. Reluctantly he pulled his door open as slowly as possible and peered out into the room.

The first thing that Merlin noticed was the flaming red hair of a young woman. She appeared to be with child so it was instantly clear to him why she had come to see Gaius.

"Gaius isn't here." He said quietly, still peering out from behind the door and hoping he hadn't startled her too much with his sudden presence.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin couldn’t see anyone in the room straight away, and she sighed a little. She had been hoping Gaius would just be here so she could be about her business and leave. Her hand stroked her belly again in an absent minded way. She felt as if she knew that she was pregnant, even though she hadn’t had it confirmed yet. There was a little swelling there, but not enough to show the world that she was with child. No, only she had really noticed it as it was her body. Biting her lip she entered the room fully with all the grace her noble status allowed her and looked around the little workshop. She was sure that Gaius wouldn’t mind her waiting, she hoped not anyway; she didn’t really want to get on the wrong side of him, as he would be doing her a favour by putting her mind at ease somewhat.

The room was quite intriguing, with books scattered all over the place, and with such curious objects decorating every corner of the room. Caitrin knew some of the herbs that were out on the desk, and she stepped towards the nearest work desk, resting her slender hand on the wood to keep her balance as she looked over the bits and pieces which had been left on the table. She was doing a good job of keeping her mind off why she was actually here in the first place. Caitrin was quite interested to see what herbs Gaius did keep. She had her own supply back home of course, but she wasn’t a skilled healer in the slightest. She merely dabbled when it was convenient. She never liked to show case the fact she knew the herbal arts, as she worried some might think it dabbled too close to sorcery. She had tried to hide that part of her life away since arriving in Camelot, so she wasn’t going to let it slip on the account of a little curiosity about some herbs.

As the young mans voice ripped through the room, Caitrin jumped, as she had been so engrossed in her thoughts. She did well to regain her composure though, and looked the boy up and down. She recognised him from somewhere, but she couldn’t quite place him. She was sure he was a servant of some sort, so no doubt she had seen him at a feast or a similar event. “Oh, do you have any idea when he’ll be back? It’s just I need to speak to him.” She looked at the young boy almost pleading; perhaps if he was something to do with Gaius he could help her. Even if he was just an apprentice she needed some sort of opinion, or help.

[youngwarlock]

"Sorry" Merlin stuttered immediately upon seeing how the girl had jumped when he'd spoken. He hadn't wanted to startle her at all but she seemed somewhat on edge.

Watching as she resumed stroking her belly again, the young sorcerer slowly began to emerge from the doorway, stepping down into the room wearing only his red tunic, trousers and boots. It took him every effort to get dressed today. If it hadn't been for Arthur practically dragging him out of bed and forcing him to do his daily chores, he wouldn't have even bothered getting up.

"Sorry" he said again with a shake of his head, not noticing the way in which the young woman was observing him. He was partially lost in his own gloomy thoughts. "I don't know when he'll be back ...Is there anything I can help you with?" he asked almost half heartedly, forcing a smile whilst he glanced down at her stomach and then at her face again as if to acknowledge that he knew why she was here. He did want to help in some way. If there was one thing Merlin would never be rid of, it was his compassion and caring for others.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin just stared up at the young man who was now speaking to her from a small room at the back of Gaius’ workshop. She peered curiously at him, wondering now if he thought that she had been trying to steal supplies, or even some of the old books that were lying around. She had just thought it would be easier to wait in here than circling the castle in the hope of finding Gaius at some point. Out of everywhere, he would have t return here eventually and she doubted her business would take long. “It’s no matter, I was lost in my own thoughts.” Caitrin brushed the incident aside with a soft smile. She hadn’t been expecting the man to sneak up on her, so it was her fault as much as his that she had acted in such a startled manner.

She could not place the young man no matter how hard she tried. She was sure she had seen him around the feasts in Camelot, and from time to time in the castle, but she never paid much attention to servants. It wasn’t in her upbringing to pay those outside her own social circle much attention; that didn’t mean she was cruel to those who’s profession it was to serve of course. She had nothing against anyone really, it just meant that she was less likely to take notice of a servant than a new addition to the noble court.

His offer of help was one that she would usually grab with both hands, especially given her current condition. She knew of course that he wouldn’t be able to help her with the real issue which plagued her mind. Her magic was sometimes like a burning secret on her chest that she wanted to scream out to the world, but as usual it was kept hidden; she couldn’t let anything hinder her own life, or the life of any children that she might bear. “I just-“ Should she wait for Gaius or not? “Are you his apprentice? I just need to know what’s wrong with me.” Both hand were at her side now, and she smoothed into a gentle curtsey, “My name is Lady Caitrin Aubert, what may I call you?”

[youngwarlock]

Merlin looked on with slight concern as the young woman mentioned that she needed to know what was wrong with her. Part of him wished Gaius was here. His guardian was much better at this sort of thing, what with all the years of experience he'd had, but Merlin still wanted to help as best he could. He couldn't just turn her away, not when something appeared to be troubling her so much.

He straightened as she curtseyed to him, announcing her name. A look of surprise crept over his features as he came to realise that she was of noble blood, and if he hadn't been so caught up in his own dismay, he would have realised this a lot sooner. Infact now that he knew, he was sure he'd caught a glimpse of her somewhere before. Recent events however, were too much of a blur.

"My lady" he proclaimed, bowing in response to her. "I'm sorry, I was just..."

...Just what? Wallowing in self pity to such an extent that I hadn't even realised you were royalty? Not that it matters who you are because everything has gone wrong, the kingdom won't survive much longer, my destiny is completely ruined and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Merlin closed his eyes for a mere moment, silencing the negative thoughts which seemed to be plaguing him constantly these days.

"I'm Merlin" He said quickly, before she had chance to question his words, if she was going to. "I am Gaius' apprentice" he added, in response to her question from a few moments ago. "I can help you....or at least try to." ...He wondered why he'd said that, realising it hardly sounded reassuring. "I mean...I know what I'm doing." he continued, frowning to himself momentarily before giving her a bemused smile. He was starting to sound (and probably look) like an idiot again.

"Can you tell me how you've been feeling?" he finally asked with a gentle persuasiveness before she had chance to react. Despite seeming somewhat foolish, his caring and honest nature continued to shine through. Merlin only hoped he hadn't scared her off.

[Caitrin de Archer]

There was a small nagging sensation in the back of Caitrin’s mind which told her that she would probably be better off waiting for Gaius, but still, she wanted an opinion now and she had never been the most patient of women. Anyway, if he was Gaius’ apprentice, or even learning the healing arts then he might have some idea of what was wrong with her. If he did not then she would have to wait for Gaius regardless. So either way it would not matter, but at the moment she felt like she was at her wits end. Only her guard and her maid knew that she was unwell. Her maid had been helping her to hide the fact from her husband, given what had happened to the last child she had been carrying she didn’t want to worry him until she knew that she was pregnant. Or not, as the case might prove to be.

Her thoughts came back to the boy standing in front of her when he spoke. She furrowed her brows a little at him. He was just… what? She expected better manners from servants, but then, he might not be a servant, he could be a freeman. Still, manners cost nothing at the end of the day. Merlin? That name rang a bell. Was he something to do with Arthur? She remembered Arthur speaking of Merlin to her some time back, just in passing but still, she remembered the name, “Do you have anything to do with the Prince?” She asked curiously, but her mind was set at ease when he said he was indeed the apprentice. That was what she needed. “It’s nice to meet you Merlin.” She said kindly, with a soft smile.

Caitrin nodded, as he asked her to describe how she had been feeling. She felt a little more at ease now, and took a seat on the bench near to where Merlin was standing. “Unwell.” She summed up, giving a short chuckle, before waving her hand to the side to let Merlin know she was joking, and that she hadn’t finished yet, “I’ve just been feeling tired for the past few months, even when I haven’t been doing anything, then I started being sick frequently, every morning like clockwork. Sometimes the illness passes me by for the day, but other days I feel that ill I seldom leave the manor.” It all sounded quite dramatic, but she couldn’t think how else to word it, “And then I began to feel bloated on top of that.” She looked up at Merlin, almost pleading with him, “That’s it.” She smoothed down the skirt of her dress a little, waiting for Merlin to make some sort of reply.

[youngwarlock]

Merlin swallowed hard, realising he should have offered the young woman a seat straight away as he watched her make herself comfy on the nearby bench. Where were his manners? If Arthur were in the room, he'd have no doubt clouted the young man around the head by now. Speaking of Arthur, Merlin had somehow managed to avoid her question for now. Yes, he had everything to do with the prince and if this girl found out she'd be utterly disgusted at the way in which he was currently behaving.

Bringing his thoughts back to her ailments, he listened carefully to every symptom, a hint of a frown etched into his brow as she described pretty much what any woman in her situation would surely experience. Convinced that Lady Caitrin already knew she was pregnant, Merlin had now become very confused. He was expecting something else to be the matter. Blinking he looked at her for a moment, realising that she had finished speaking.

"But all of that's to be expected? ...Isn't it?" He responded at last, lowering his eyes to her slight but yet obvious protruding stomach with a confused smile.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin hadn’t even really noticed that he had dodged her question about Arthur, as that wasn’t really her main concern right now. All she actually wanted to know was what was specifically wrong with her, and whether Merlin could give her a clear answer. Jesu, was that really too much to ask? She began to feel a little sick, and flustered, but she knew she could brush it off. She wasn’t really that ill anyway. She had already been sick that morning, so she didn’t expect to be otherwise indisposed.

She looked up at Merlin and pressed her lips together. He was quite presumptuous wasn’t he? She only thought she was pregnant, who was to say these symptoms weren’t something else, something more severe? She looked down at her hands, her fingers playing with her wedding ring nervously. “I don’t know.” She said quietly, but loud enough for Merlin to hear her. Her belly wasn’t swollen enough to hint at anything, it just looked like she had put a little weight on and her symptoms could be attributed to anything really. Caitrin pressed her lips together, it wasn’t that she didn’t want to think that she was pregnant, she just didn’t want to get her hopes up just for them to be dashed. “I wasn’t sure whether the symptoms meant that I was pregnant or just…ill.” She said softly, pressing her lips together. “What do you think?” Caitrin finally asked, still sat down and looking up at the apprentice expectantly. She didn’t just want him to assume anything, she wanted him to be certain before he gave her an answer.

[youngwarlock]

Merlin knelt beside the girl and slowly raised a hand to her stomach, hoping she might let him examine her, though he really didn't feel the need to. "May I?...." Very gently, he rested his hand over her slightly swollen belly and tried to concentrate. Despite being so young, he knew enough about women to know what happened to them during pregnancy. There had been enough cases in Ealdor during his childhood and his mother had been the first person to step in and assist the ailing women.

His brows raised profusely as Lady Caitrin spoke. “I wasn’t sure whether the symptoms meant that I was pregnant or just…ill.”

How could she not know? There was a spark inside of her. A new life. A glowing warmth that Merlin couldn't describe, but he could feel it, like a vibrant ball of energy radiating from within. He hadn't realised that he was subconsciously using magic through focusing so much on her condition. Pulling his hand away, he slowly rose to his feet, a look of both joy and amazement on his features as he lifted his gaze to her face. "Oh, there's definitely someone in there..." he beamed in response to her question, getting somewhat carried away with himself. This was the first time Merlin had smiled properly all week.

[Caitrin de Archer]

Caitrin watched Merlin with wide eyes as he knelt in front of her. She had been expecting some sort of physical examination and she was by no means a shy woman so it didn’t faze her, and in truth she was glad that he seemed like he knew what he was doing. Caitrin nodded at his question, she was already sat up straight, as she always did, so she didn’t have to adjust as Merlin placed his hand over her belly. “Go ahead.” She said gently, as if she had minded such an examination she wouldn’t have come seeking a physicians help. She kept her breathing calm, and steady while Merlin felt across her belly. “Have you done this before?” It wasn’t a cynical question, or even one which would put her off his verdict, because strange as it was, she felt like she trusted him with this. It felt like he knew what he was doing, and he was certainly having a calming effect on her. Her tone was gentle, she wasn’t probing the man at all.

Her eyes stayed on Merlin as he found his feet again, hand leaving her belly. She smoothed down her skirt again, pretending it wasn’t nerves, and felt for the first time that she could get her hopes up. Merlin’s expression was infectious and she gave a wide smile as he spoke, and her heart skipped a beat as she scarcely could believe what he was telling her. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and all she could do was sit there and grin for those few moments. Caitrin’s hand gently found itself where Merlin’s had only just been, and she smoothed it over the flesh. Jesu, there was something growing within her. Her child, well, hers and Griff’s child; she had to allow him some of the credit.

Caitrin’s head was spinning with pure euphoria. She was going to be a mother, and she and Griff were going to have their own little family. Finally breaking her gaze from Merlin, she looked down at her belly, as if only just seeing how swollen it actually was for the first time. “I’m going to be a mother?” She said it more to Merlin than asking him the fact, because if she were pregnant then there was only one conclusion to her question. This was quite a lot to take in at once. “Do you know how far along it is?” She then asked, still with one of the widest smiles that she had given in a long time on her face. There was still that small worry at the back of the young woman’s mind; being a sorceress, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to pass her gifts onto her children given the laws of Camelot at the moment. She wasn’t sure how one acquired magic, whether it was hereditary, or whether it was just a gift or a talent. If she had passed magic onto her children she would have to teach them to hide it, and it would break her heart.

[youngwarlock]

Merlin's smile only widened further as Caitrin beamed at him. He was partially relieved at her happiness, for she had at first seemed so troubled and unsure of her condition. His smile however, quickly turned to a frown upon hearing her question. Did he know how far along she was? "Um..." was all he could manage as he opened his mouth to speak, looking somewhat perplexed as he stared down at her stomach again. He couldn't lie. He was no expert in these matters. She wasn't very far along though, he knew that much.

"I'm....really not sure." he finally admitted, scratching his head and wishing more than ever now that Gaius were here. The young woman deserved to know more from someone who knew what they were doing. "How long have you been getting sick?" He asked, knowing that the ailments usually began at the start of the pregnancy and hoping this may give her some idea of how far into her pregnancy she actually was.

[Caitrin de Archer]

It all felt rather surreal at the moment, Jesu, there was a baby growing within her. She really was pregnant. Of course she trusted the diagnosis that Merlin had given her, as it had confirmed what she had already suspected for some time. Caitrin smoothed two fingers across her belly again, enjoying the sensation of having a rounded belly, and a life within her. She was sure this feeling would wear thin when she was further down the line with her pregnancy, but for now she was going to enjoy it. There would be so much to do of course, before the baby arrived. Caitrin’s head was spinning. She was going to have to tell Griff, and her Uncle that she was with child. After what had happened during Morgana’s last reign, Caitrin was quite nervous about telling Griff that she was expecting another child. The stress of the witches take over had caused Caitrin to miscarry a life she hadn’t even been aware she had been carrying. That was why this time she was determined to do everything right straight from the start.

The months of her illness had just seemed to merge into one, and Caitrin bit her lip, trying to backtrack over the past few months to remember when her sickness had started. “Around three months ago?” She should have come sooner to have a diagnosis, but she had been so worried that it would be something else that she had avoided the physician’s office rather than seeking it out. “It might have been longer, but not by much.” She managed a small smile, “Will it last the entire pregnancy, the sickness I mean?” Caitrin asked a little more seriously, wondering if there was a way to stop it, or if Merlin could give her something to reduce her symptoms.

[youngwarlock]

Merlin didn't answer her last question, he was stood, finger on chin, eyes narrowed, busy thinking about something. What had his mother said so many times to those young women she tended to back home? Something about the sickness occuring a number of weeks after the start of the pregnancy, but how many weeks? Two? Three? Maybe four? He couldn't remember.

With a sigh, he finally looked at Caitrin and shook his head a little. He then shook it more when he realised what she had just asked. "Oh! I mean...no. Well I'm not entirely sure" he replied gently, contemplating this for a moment. He knew enough magic now to do something for Caitrin and every other pregnant woman in this kingdom and all those surrounding it. "I'm sure I'll be able to find something that will help!" he said with a smile. "Wait here."

He turned then, and headed off towards the shelf half-filled with empty potion bottles at the other end of Gaius' chamber to perform a familiar task. He only hoped it would work.
Upon reaching the other end of the room, he glanced back to make sure the girl hadn't followed before lifting one of the empty bottles, knowing he had to be quick now, and very quiet.

"wyrtdrenc álynian morgenwlætung!"

The words escaped his lips in a low whisper whilst he focused on the bottle, the golden glow of his eyes reflecting in the glass as it began to fill with a bright green liquid.

"This should do the trick!" he called out, turning on his heel and walking back towards the young woman, tincture in hand, forgetting now that she had asked him how far along she was. "I remembered Gaius saying he keeps this potion specially for the ladies in your condition...it should help to ease the sickness."

[Caitrin de Archer]

Perhaps she had been a little too hopeful to want an answer to how far along her pregnancy was, given she had only just been diagnosed. Caitrin placed her hand on her belly, wondering how she had been unable to feel this new life within her before now. She felt quite different, like she was on the edge of something completely new. She supposed she was; she was going to be a mother. There was a miniature version of her, or Griff of course, growing within her. Again, she felt completely overwhelmed. It wasn’t like she was naive enough to think that this wasn’t going to happen given how in love she and Griff were. She wasn’t unhappy either, she had wanted this and had been waiting for it since they had gotten married.

Caitrin looked up as Merlin suddenly became quite animated, and declared that he knew of something that would help her sickness. She stood up at first, but she got the feeling that he wanted her to stay put for whatever reason. Caitrin didn’t sit down again, instead she just leant up against the workbench, and once again just amused herself by looking over the different potions and herbs that Gaius kept there. Caitrin looked up again as Merlin returned to her holding out a small vial. She took it gratefully, and eyed up the liquid as she held the vial inbetween her thumb and middle finger. “What’s in it?” She asked curiously, taking off the stopper and smelling the liquid it had concealed, “Do I just drink it all in one go?” She didn’t want to poison herself by taking too much. Caitrin was a herbalist herself, though she didn’t really scream and shout about it. Working with herbs often harked too close to magic for some.

She felt a little nervous almost all of a sudden. That was natural she supposed, but still, she felt like she was inflicting him with her emotions. “I’m sorry I’m asking so many questions.” She said softly; she still hadn’t drunk the liquid yet. “It’s just....” She gave a small, sad smile, her thoughts carried her back to her miscarriage. That had been such a dark time in her life, and it was natural that being pregnant again would bring back those memories but still, how comfortable did she feel speaking about it all? “Sorry, I’m being ridiculous; ignore me.” She said dismissively, but her lips were still curled into a sad smile.

[youngwarlock]

“What’s in it? Do I just drink it all in one go?”

Merlin, half smiling, half frowning, watched as Caitrin stood sniffing the potion, inspecting its contents. He hadn't expected her to ask what it was made from. He tried to remember which herbs Gaius commonly used for treating similar kinds of sickness. "Milk thistle... Ginger... And peppermint." He replied with certainty, deciding against telling her that the main ingredient had been magic, for obvious reasons.

"Just a small sip each morning and night should do the trick" he said with a smile, watching the young woman. He could sense that something wasn't right though, as she suddenly appeared to be troubled by something. Merlin couldn't help but empathize with her emotions, it was just a part of who he was.

“Sorry, I’m being ridiculous; ignore me.”

Caitrin looked as though she might begin to cry at any moment. "It's alright..." His voice was quiet, almost soothing as he spoke to her, placing a gentle reassuring hand on her shoulder. He found himself having to stoop down as his eyes trailed over her features with genuine concern. "What is it? What's wrong?" Merlin asked, hoping she would choose to confide in him. He couldn't let her walk out of here in her condition with something so seemingly unsettling on her mind.

[Caitrin de Archer]

The ingredients made sense, and Caitrin nodded wisely and smiled a little at Merlin. Perhaps she could have made herself a medicine like this if she had the time, or even the patience. Recently she had found it hard to focus on anything; she had even found riding out an irritating task. Now of course she had something to explain her strange behaviours given that women who were pregnant were said to act out irrationally. Caitrin couldn’t see her husband enjoying that excuse, but he would have to live with it for the next five months or so. “Sorry, I must sound like I’m some sort of inquisition.” She suddenly realised as she had been piling questions on Merlin left right and centre, “I know about the art of herbs you see, not as much as Gaius, but enough to make myself a remedy for a headache.” She gave a light smile, feeling quite comfortable in front of Merlin. She doubted he would even consider the link between herbalism and magic. It was probably just her being paranoid. “I’ll make sure I take it like that, should I just come back when it runs out?”

Caitrin just looked up at Merlin. She knew she could walk away from his question and simply refuse to answer him; being of noble blood had that advantage. However, she felt like she wanted to tell someone, someone who could just listen without judging. Perhaps Merlin had lost something during Morgana’s attack as well; perhaps he could sympathise with her. Or, at the very least, he could give her a medical opinion on how likely another miscarriage was. Drawing a slow breath, Caitrin folded her arms across her middle uncomfortably, and her smile faltered. “Can I trust you Merlin?” She asked, as she wasn’t going to give away such a delicate part of her past to someone who would just use it as the latest tavern gossip. It hurt too much to even imagine the majority of Camelot knowing. Even Arthur didn’t know. She had been examined by the physicians in the aftermath of Morgana’s rule, it could have been Gaius who saw her then, but she had been so dazed and ill that she had found it difficult to tell one face from another. “To keep a secret, I mean.” She added as she ran her hand through her hair. Jesu she was so fidgety today but she couldn’t help it. This didn’t take away her euphoric feelings of becoming a mother of course, but knowing that she could have already been a mother with a child running round her feet sometimes hurt. It had made the wait for news of a new pregnancy all the more unbearable, but now she had this new life within her, and she would protect them until her last breath.

[youngwarlock]

“Sorry, I must sound like I’m some sort of inquisition.”

Merlin shook his head in response, a deep look of concern etched into his features. He listened as Caitrin continued, and was intrigued to learn that she was also skilled in the practice of herbs. The thought that she might also use magic in said practice never even crossed the warlock's mind, for she was a lady of nobility. "Yes" he replied, glancing down at the potion bottle. "I'll have more ready and waiting for whenever you need it."

He gave her a small smile, one which quickly faded as he waited for her to continue, hoping that she felt she could trust him enough to speak. She certainly looked as though she wanted to tell him what was troubling her.

“Can I trust you Merlin?”

He was right. She did want to confide in him and suddenly, out of nowhere, Merlin felt this to be a privilege, considering her noble status. Slowly the young man nodded his head, his eyes filled with honesty and compassion as they gazed into her own. To keep a secret? The dragonlord couldn't help but feel some sort of irony from these words. He was the best keeper of secrets in Camelot. "You can trust me" he confirmed, his expression one of seriousness now. "I only wish to help you in any way that I can."

[Caitrin de Archer]

Though Caitrin was quite shocked that Merlin did not question her experience with herblore, she couldn't say she didn't appreciate it. Perhaps those around her were becoming less superstitious about magic, and those who practised it. That was a pipe dream, and Caitrin knew it, but she could dream of a time where she was not persecuted for her gifts. No harm had ever come to anyone through her hands; she had only used her powers to heal, and for her own personal use. What harm was there in that? "I'll make sure to come back when I need more." Caitrin didn't mind coming into Camelot on a regular basis to collect her medicine; if she was too sick to get it then she could just send a servant in her place, so it was no matter.

Did she even know where to begin? Caitrin sighed a little; the bottle was still being toyed inbetween her fingers. Raising her sad, and tired eyes to Merlin, she opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. She wasn't sure why she trusted Merlin so completely, but she felt like she had no reason to doubt him. He came across as quite genuine, and what reason would he have to share her secret anyway? "It's silly to still feel upset about this, I suppose." It wasn't silly, she knew that. She had lost the chance to become a mother, and to bring a new life into the world; what humour could be found in that? She had no idea why she had even said it really, but it had been said so she just decided to go with that.

"It was when Morgana took over Camelot." Caitrin shuddered a little, though didn't physically show it. She pressed her lips together, and though she could feel a lump rising in her throat she urged herself to continue. "I-I was locked up, for refusing to acknowledge Morgana as Queen." She needed the context, so that Merlin could understand why she was so hurt, "But I fell sick in the dungeons; I signed her treaty just so I could get out of that cell." A decision she still regretted "But that night the sickness got worse, and I-I." She stopped as tears rushed to her eyes; a small bead of water rolled down her pale cheek, "I lost my baby, I didn't even know I was pregnant. It just slipped away, like it didn't even matter." Her tone was slow paced, tears were slipping down her cheeks but as she rounded off her words there was a raw anger there. If she hadn't spent so much time in the dungeons would she have had a safer pregnancy? "And I don't want that to happen to this baby; I won't let it."

[youngwarlock]

Merlin swallowed down the lump in his throat as he listened, unable to even imagine how unbearable it must have been for her, locked up in the dungeons beneath the castle whilst carrying her first child, in such a fragile state. And then to lose her baby like that. Morgana had so much more to pay for than she even knew. The warlock's saddened gaze drifted off into empty space, bitterness and grief taking over once more. He had been in this state for days, ever since Uther's death. Ever since Morgana had forced Arthur into thinking his guise, Dragoon had killed his father with magic. And now this distraught young woman's story had brought it all back. The hopelessness. But Caitrin, Merlin realised, had something to hope for now, and he was suddenly prepared to see to it that no harm could ever come to her, or her unborn child.

"I am so sorry for what you went through at the hands of Morgana.... But I promise you" he began, turning his attention back to the noblewoman with a sudden determination in his words as he gently gripped her shoulders, looking directly into her eyes... "I will not let anything happen to you ...either of you... Just stay somewhere safe, away from Camelot. I'll make sure Gaius has someone deliver your medicine as often as you need it."

With this, he gave her a reassuring smile, hoping it would be enough. He felt it unfair that he should turn the young woman away from Camelot, but for now, it was not a safe place. Morgana would return, now that she had rid the kingdom of Uther, she would surely attempt to claim what she believed to be her rightful place on the throne. Camelot was without doubt, no place for a woman carrying her unborn child.