Birds Eye View (Brynn)

[thegwaine]

Guard duty, was as ever, an incredibly dull part of Gwaine’s day. He had many things which he would prefer to be doing right now, but instead he was here, watching at one of the walls of the castle for any sign of trouble, or anything out of the ordinary. He wasn’t even supposed to be here, but he had lost a bet with one of the other knights, and the forfeit was the mans knight duty. He would be getting Sir Oswin back at a later date. It turned out that Gwaine wasn’t quite as good at archery as he made out. If it had been sword fighting then Gwaine would have wiped the floor with him no problem. However, his archery was a little rusty and now he was out here by himself, watching the world go by.

It was all too slow for Gwaine’s liking. He couldn’t wish for it all to get more interesting either, because then he would be putting everyone else in danger, so he was doomed to just stand here and do nothing for the rest of the afternoon. He could have spent it in the tavern with the latest additions to the staff, but no, he had to open his big mouth an endure this occupation instead. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do the guard duty specifically, he just hated the fact he was doing someone else’s, but fair was fair, and he had lost the bet. Next time he would make sure it was something that he could defiantly win.

He stifled a yawn as he looked out at the kingdom. At least he had a good view of everything from up here. That was the one thing he could take out of his antics. You couldn’t really beat the views in Camelot, that had been one of his first memories of Camelot, when he’d woken up in Merlin’s chambers all those years ago. That seemed like he was looking back at another man, and he supposed he was. He’d never thought that he would wind up a knight after that little episode. Looking up, Gwaine furrowed his brow as he saw Brynn approaching him. He hadn’t seen his friend for some time, and that was mostly his fault; he had been busy with one thing and another and everything had just gotten on top of him. “Brynn? Don’t tell me, you needed to behold my face again to ensue you hadn’t been dreaming during our last few encounters?”

Tagged: Brynn Reade
Timeline: Series 4
Time of Day: Afternoon
Location: Castle Walls[/color][/size]

[Brynn Reade]

So this was it. It had ended almost quietly, a lot less messier than Brynn had thought, but that also made it somehow so much harder to bear. Was this really what they had come down to? Had they been taking each other for granted for so long? There wasn’t even much they had found wrong with each other, it hadn’t been at all intolerable over the last few months. But then… it just had become too… normal, too predictable. They had stopped caring for their relationship, because everything for it had been said and done. Everyone in their surroundings had expected them to marry and be happy ever after – but then apparently they both had asked each other when they last had felt their knees go weak while thinking of the other. Granted, Brynn had never been much for that kind of thing, being the calm person she was, but then it must have been more visible in Alex’ general behavior, as outspoken and open as he usually was. Him becoming so lifeless about their relationship should have made her see it sooner, but somehow she had been blind in her comfort, until it started to rub wrong with her as well.

Today, she had brought in the geese early and met him in the kitchen for a long overdue talk. There seemed to be an unspoken tension between them lately, as if each only waited for the other to speak out a few certain words: ‘Why are we two even still together? Just because it seems ‘normal’?” Brynn would have never thought she’d be the one to make this important and sad first step, but while she might be quiet and calm, it didn’t mean she didn’t care. She would not cause a scene or anything, to make things even harder, but she would ask for his opinion on a few important questions. Like, if HE himself still wanted to continue their relationship, all expectations of their families and friends aside. The questions had been answered, by both of them, it had been a long and serious talk and the outcome had been almost expected: Alex and Brynn had decided on being friends, like they had been from day one, but not pretending anymore that they felt more for each other than that. Since it had been like this for both of them recently, there also were no hard feelings involved, at least not many. Brynn could actually see them still being friends.

That just leaved one question for Brynn and it was this question she pondered when taking a walk out on the parapets, just not being able to stay indoors when she already felt so caged and restless: So, what now?! Things just wouldn’t be the same anymore, and it was time to face this. Brynn of course was still young, but until a few moments ago, a part of her still clung to the hope that everything in her life was firmly sorted. Now, a very important part of her life suddenly seemed missing, and she knew that even though Alex and her might stay friends, she would return to most of her solitary life as a goosemaiden again. Letting go of him, because they both had felt like there should be something more than what they had, left her wondering what this ‘more’ actually should be. She remembered the first months of her relationship with Alex, how excited and sometimes even frightening they had been for the calm and grounded girl, being lifted up in the clouds, like she could fly.

The wind, her old friend, playfully tugged at her braid and the small wisps of hair that were showing under her white cap, and leaning against the stone wall parapet, she gave a little wistful smile, listening to the wooshing of the wind as if it were soothing words, meant only for her. ‘At least I still have you’, she thought. ‘I doubt you will ever leave me, or lose interest in me.’
That was when she heard the voice, quite unexpected, startling her and pulling her out of her reverie. The smile that worked itself over her face still held most of that wistful edge as she approached him. “Gwaine, long time no see indeed. Sorry I have to disappoint you, I didn’t even know you were on watch now. But… it is nevertheless nice to see you again.”

[thegwaine]

Gwaine had to admit, he had missed Brynn’s company somewhat over the last few weeks. Though he did enjoy the company of his fellow knights, and his friends in the tavern, Gwaine enjoyed his conversations with Brynn. She had a habit of bringing him back down to earth somewhat. He might be a knight of Camelot, and be relied upon day upon day to protect the kingdom and all its peoples, but she had a habit of showing him that he was just like everyone else in a way. He needed that, now more than ever. In a way, Gwaine had always felt like he was different, to everyone else, even when he had been a nomad he had felt a tad bit arrogant about his position. He had never been restrained by rules, or kings or anything. Now though, he just felt like he belonged, and it was because of people like Brynn that had caused him to retain that mentality.

He smiled at her as she approached him though she seemed a million miles away with her thoughts. Gwaine wasn’t quite sure what to make of her expression in a way. He’d never been much good with giving advice, well, he knew he was good, but others didn’t often agree. Most just took his words at face value and didn’t actually apply his logic to anything. Really, that was probably the right thing to do. Griff still came to him for advice, but he had no idea why. After all he had told him to leave his fiancée and just forget about her. Now he was a married man with a baby on the way. That should have told him that his advice wasn’t to be followed. Well, that depended what kind of life Griff had wanted. If he had wanted to be a bachelor all his life then he should have listened to him.

Gwaine stepped towards Brynn as she approached him, and gave a soft chuckle at her words. She never made things easy for him. Then again, he didn’t charm her to get anything out of it, if anything he was winding her up as a brother would do to a sister. He would never try anything else on with her, mainly as he knew she wouldn’t appreciate it, but also because he knew she had another man on her arm, and he respected her too much to lead her into temptation. Not that Brynn would allow herself to be led of course. “You’re a bad liar Brynn.” He had a twinkle in his eye, “We both know you can’t deny your affections for me.” He allowed himself a soft chuckle, but waved it off, “It’s nice to see you as well, how have you been?”

[Brynn Reade]

Brynn had quite mixed feelings about meeting Gwaine in just this situation. She liked him very much, make no mistake, he was always there to teach her not to take life too seriously and that sometimes really helped, she just wasn’t sure if it would help right now. Gwaine had always shied away from any love topics that was for sure, and he had been content to ask ocasionally if all was fine. Until now, she had always been able to answer this question with a firm yes, though even a few months ago… she had been thinking about the ‘fine’ part more closely. Back then however she hadn’t thought she would actually walk away and be a single girl again, not with the prospect of marriage on her hands, but with… nothing. Friendship… and a confusing emptiness and doubt where absolute content had been. But who could she talk about that with? Gwaine surely didn’t seem the right person, this young knight lived life to the fulles and often reminded her of a butterfly, fluttering from flowe to flower and not caring much about anything than constantly keeping on moving and getting as much of the nectar as it could? No… she didn’t know, if she rather hadn’t someone different for company right now. Maybe she should just not mention it and leave it for another time?

It was not that he would not care, or try to give some advice, she just wanted to spare them both the awkwardness of him trying to console her, knowing full well he wasn’t very good at this. He was like her big brother in so many aspects and even her mother treated him sometimes as if he were her son, as little respect as she sometimes showed for the knight when he was being cheeky or tried to steal something from the kitchens. In Brynn’s eyes, Gwaine was almost a part of her extended family, however weird that sometimes might sound, because he was of such a far better status than her ever since joining Arthur and being knighted during Queen Morgana’s takeover. He had also never tried to flirt with her for real, just liked to tease her, because she blushed so easily about anything he might say to her, even if it was only the tiniest bit suggestive. Would that change once he knew she wasn’t with Alex anymore?! She hoped not, but then it might change simply enough for her… without the support of knowing she was with the man she loved, Brynn feared she might feel far more vulnerable.

There he went again, teasing her about supposed affections for him, and just like she had feared, this time she couldn’t brush it off as easily as usual. Not that she suddenly felt more attracted to him… she just had one big reason less NOT to… and that somehow DID make a little difference.
Nevertheless, she tried to overplay it, as usual, hoping her confusion wouldn’t show too much. “You must be a soothsayer, Gwaine, you always see and know things others wouldn’t even think of”, she pointed out, smiling softly, then taking a deep breath as he asked he how she was. She would try to avoid this… just say she was fine… she WAS, sort of… “Same as usual you could say… the geese are cheeky and chattering as ever, I can’t complain.” Why did this feel like lying, even though she was just not mentioning something? The unsaid words weighed on her shoulder like a mountain, threatening to bring her to her knees. No… she could not NOT say it… And Brynn, the girl that never said anything without considering it first, suddenly blurted out. “I… Alex and I…” Turning bruskely away, looking out over the beautiful landscape in front of her, she added in a low voice, trying to keep calm: “we … we just broke up. It’s… we just don’t…” There wasn’t really any words.

[thegwaine]

Gwaine was starting to be glad that he had lost the bet with the knight earlier in the day. Though it had meant an afternoon of incredible boredom, he supposed he might not have run into Brynn if he had not been here. Gwaine didn’t feel like the best of friends right now, as he realised just how long it had been since he had last seen her. The days quickly slipped past Gwaine into weeks, and he knew he should be making more time and effort for Brynn, and his other friends like her, but they had their lives, and he had his; they just occasionally crossed. Really, he needed to find Griff at some point as well, the last he had seen of the man he had told him that his wife was pregnant. Gwaine had to offer some comfort to his friend, probably in the form of an ale, or several. He doubted he would have time to see him once his baby was born. Gwaine didn’t know much about children, but they looked like hard work.

That wasn’t really going to help this conversation with Brynn though. He knew he had to savour and enjoy this time with her; Lord knows when their paths would cross again. Though Camelot was quite a small place, he often found that he didn’t have as much time to visit people as he would like. Then again, such was the life of a knight, they didn’t know when they would be called upon to protect their kingdom. He wouldn’t change his life for anything though, he enjoyed everything as it was now, and he wanted to continue in this profession for as long as he could.

As Brynn spoke, Gwaine was reminded of one of the reasons why he didn’t seek her out as much as she should. He was never one for those geese of hers; he was convinced that the animals didn’t like him, and so he didn’t pay them much attention. Gwaine was about to make a joke about the geese, something along the lines of having one for his dinner, but he stopped himself quickly as he knew how touchy Brynn could be about her geese, “I think me and your geese have a very love hate relationship. I’m still convinced they don’t like me.” He said, shifting his weight from one side to the other.

He felt a little concerned as he saw Brynn’s face drop. She was usually quite happy, and a cheerful character. He didn’t have to press her to see what was wrong, as she volunteered the information herself. Out of everything that Gwaine was expecting Brynn to say, it was certain to say he hadn’t been expecting that. He wasn’t quite sure what to say, he was better at being told good news, than bad news. “What happened?” He asked after a few moments in silence, “I’m so sorry Brynn.” He was really no good with this kind of thing, but he would try nonetheless.

[Brynn Reade]

Brynn wondered what Gwaine would have been up to the last few weeks, as she had seen so little of him during that time. It seemed like after a year of relative peace, the enemies of Camelot were massing their forces again, and the latest horror had been the terrifying Dorocha attack. Miraculously, no one of Brynn’s imminent family or friends had been victims of it, even though a few servants had lost their lives. But such things naturally would keep the knights busy, sending them on quests to eliminate the threats to Camelot, and of course it made you fear for their safe return everytime. But then, Gwaine was and probably would always be a survivor, since he had not been spending his year sheltered behind walls, but had been a wandering soldier of fortune. Or, like her mother would say: Gwaine was like false money, he would always return to cause even more mischief. Good to know that at least SOME things in life were consitant, even though others you would have thought happily unalterable, proved to be anything but.

He even brought a light smile on her face when he talked about her geese and himself. It was true, they had never been really close, and Gwaine continued to take that as the perfect excuse to not come and visit her often during the days he actually WOULD be in Camelot. If they met, it was most likely in the kitchen, when he tried to charm something to eat out of the kitchen maids – or steal it when he thought nobody was looking. “Don’t let it get to you that much”, she consoled him, shaking her head. “They’re just against anything male over fifteen years of age. Not all of them, but they always let themselves be influenced by what Martin and Queeny do – and Martin just can’t tolerate another male presence near him. I’m waiting for the day he’ll attack Gyrth. Then I can safely say to him: From now on, you are a man.” It was maybe peculiar to deem a boy’s transition into manhood by how a flock of geese reacted to him, but Brynn was quite sure she would be proven right.

What happened?! Well, if she only knew! Maybe she would feel worse, but maybe she also would have felt better if they had seperated after a major fallout, an argument that would have meant a clean cut, not… this. A relationship slowly dying like the wind dying down in the transition from morning to midday. Almost indiscernable – which made her wonder if there was anything that COULD have been noted, could have been done. Was that a sign of how it just had not meant to be? Or should they both have put more effort behind their relationship, not take each other for granted so much. Over the last few months, Brynn certainly had. But was this her fault alone? She just couldn’t reach any sensible conclusion, and it made her resigned and frustrated. Had they been maybe too influenced by the freedom they had? After all, most nobles didn’t marry for love, they had to be content with whom was chosen for them, sometimes in their earliest childhood years. Could freedom of choice actually make you lazy?


”I guess we both don’t know…” she sighed, twirling the end of her braid around her fingers. “We don’t even know when it started, but… I guess our feelings just sort of… died down. We’ll still be friends, I think, we’re too close not to, but… it might be time for us to search for something else, something more. And I know quite a handful of girls who will thank me to eternity and back…” a bitter edge suddenly tinted her voice. “They’ve probably been wondering how he could have put up with such a bore for so long anyway.”

[thegwaine]

Gwaine was finding it hard to pinpoint the last time that he had seen Brynn. He was feeling more and more that he had failed in his role as a friend. He could make excuse after excuse, but he should have made a point of seeing Brynn, especially after the whole incident with the dorocca. Gwaine had been quick to want to forget about all of that, one of his main regrets was that he hadn’t been able to do more at the isle of the blessed. He’d been cast aside like a doll before he had even charged at the woman who had caused all that pain, and suffering. The number of dead had been sickening to even consider, so Gwaine hadn’t even thought about it much. He’d just continued to protect the people who had survived, as he was honour bound to do. Gwaine ran a hand through his hair and smiled down at Brynn, trying to tell himself that he wouldn’t leave it so long before seeing her again after today.

Well, at least he knew that the geese weren’t just out to get him. He was sure if any enemy wanted to invade Camelot, all they really needed were geese. To Gwaine, they were the most vicious and violent beings in Albion, and he had come up against some fierce foes since taking up the job as a knight. He would be turning the other way if some Goose Queen decided to invade Camelot. There were a lot of things that Gwaine didn’t mind facing, and he wouldn’t say he was scared of them, but the geese just had it in for him, and he was sure of that, no matter how much Brynn protested. They would look so much better to him served up at a feast. He suppressed a smile at the thought, as he would never tell Brynn such things, not only would it probably ruin their friendship, she would probably kill him for even thinking to lay a hand on her geese. “Well tell him when that day comes to come and join me, to keep well out of the way of your geese.” He winked at his friend, and gave a short chuckle. He knew of Brynn’s brothers plans and desire to become a knight when he came of age, so he would probably enjoy some time on the ramparts.

The talk of geese, and Gyrth could not really save this conversation though, and Gwaine wasn’t that much of an idiot to not see that. He shifted slightly uncomfortably, he wasn’t in the habit of comforting women. Well, not in a friendly way, obviously he knew how to comfort a woman intimately, but that was something completely different, and Brynn was his friend, and therefore those types of things would never happen. He hoped she wasn’t going to cry, and weep, as then he really wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. He wasn’t very good with real emotions, he could jest, joke and flirt all day long, but he could very rarely relate on this kind of emotional level. It just wasn’t him. He was going to make an effort for Brynn though, it was the least he could do.

His thoughts quickly went to something along the lines of needing an ale to deal with this particular situation, but it was neither the time nor the place, and he was still supposed to be guarding the kingdom. He glanced out into the distance, seeing nothing had changed, he let his full attention fall on Brynn as she spoke. “You’re not a bore.” He said quickly, and with a reassuring tone, “Why would you think that?” He could focus on making her feel better in that respect, but he was going to have to comment on the other matter as well. Urgh. “Some people....” He paused, thinking of the couples he had seen recently, “You can’t really...” Why was he even doing this? “What Im trying to say is if it wasn’t meant to be, then it won’t happen.” His mother had told him that a long time ago, or had it been his father? His family were one long blur to him, but he could pass that on to Brynn, hoping it would help in some respect.

[Brynn Reade]

Since ever Brynn could remember, she had always had some kind of affinity for the geese, and they for her. She didn’t know what it was, but it had quickly led to her installment into this position, since both the cook and the steward of Camelot had been more than happy to see the goosemaiden being someone who wouldn’t come complaining over the beastiness of her fosterlings every three days. The cook however might slowly have regretted this decision, since Brynn was so invested in her task and the geese she hated to se even one of them go for feasts, and insisted of being asked first, if one of them should be butchered and if so, which of them. These were moments when even the calm Brynn could be found close to livid, when she inspected her flock and found one or even more of them missing without the cook telling her anything. After some serious fallouts, they had finally settled on a fragile truce both could live with: She would agree to not throw a very unusual fit everytime roast goose was on the menu, and in return, he would leave it to her to decide which goose could be taken out of the flock without a riot being started – since that had happened often enough in the past. Most people wouldn’t believe it, but geese were extremely social and dependant on their hierarchy inside the flock, you had to choose carefully, and for example should never choose the first three geese in the flock-food chain.

She doubted though that Gwaine would understand such details, or even show interest in them that wasn’t faked to appease her, so she didn’t tell him any of that. They had been talking about her ‘dangerous beasts’ often enough in jest, how Camelot wouldn’t last a day, if some would choose to fight with an army of geese. It was fortunate Brynn would never even dream of harming someone, or else she would have valuable allies in geese, should she be able to command them and set them on the soldiers and knights or the innocent townsfolk. They might tolerate her, and keep in line when she wanted it, but Brynn would never claim she could actually control them. “Oh, now that would be a solution we all can live with!” she agreed wholeheartedly and gave a smile. “He would love it on the ramparts, and he probably would feel very important. Ah, he’s growing up so fast”, she finished a little wistfully, shaking her head. Elinor, he sister, was also growing fast and soon would either take up a small position in the kitchen or stay true to her promises and share the task of goosemaiden with Brynn, but it was not Elinor she was worried over. As long as Camelot itself stayed strong, Eli would always be safe, but that same hope she couldn’t have for Gyrth, no matter if he became a guard or even a knight, like he dreamt of. There would always be fights going on, and not everyone could have the luck of a false penny like Gwaine and always return.

Brynn hadn’t be fishing for compliments when saying other people might think her a bore, she had overheard such opinions once or twice, and usually had thought nothing of it, since she loved her life and wouldn’t want to change anything within it. And of course, there had always been this underlying sureness of: ‘They’re all just jealous because I have my Alex, while they have no one. If Alex doesn’t think me a bore, that’s all I need.’ That sureness however was gone, and she was only sure of one thing: close season on him would be called off as soon as the news leaked through the servanthood of Camelot. And she would have to stand by and accept it, because she no longer had any claim on him. Maybe it was for the best. She never had told him her dearest secret after all, and so he hadn’t known a very important part of her. “Thanks for saying that Gwaine”, she replied, one corner of her mouth lifting in a half-hearted attempt of a smile. “But I guess compared to most girls I am.”

“Some people....” “You can’t really...” “What Im trying to say is if it wasn’t meant to be, then it won’t happen.”
He was trying so hard it was moving, and he might really have a point with that. It would probably be the same thing her mother would try to console her with. The problem with this solution only was that it left you with a serious question of WHAT was meant to be then. It was like starting all over again, and for Brynn, who liked her life to be secure and planned, that wasn’t a consoling feeling at all. If this was NOT how her life was supposed to continue, then how WOULD it continue? Living day by day without thinking too much – like she guessed Gwaine was doing it – had never been Brynn’s particular strength. “I guess not”, she shrugged and looked out over the peaceful landscape again. Nothing would be gained if she lost her poise now. “And it’s not the end of the world, I know that too. It just… it just feels like an END, and not a happy one. People say every end is a beginning as well, but… I’m not sure WHAT would be beginning now, you know? We felt like this wasn’t enough, but… what if there is nothing more than that, and I’ll be the fool in the end?”

[thegwaine]

Though Gwaine would never, ever tell Brynn his plans for her geese, he was sure that he would never abandon said plans He never got on with those animals, they had it in for him specifically and he didn’t care what Brynn said in that respect. Since day one those geese had had a vendetta against him, and really if someone wanted to take over Camelot all they needed was a army of geese, because no one would mess with them; they were vicious creatures and they shouldn’t be underestimated. Gwaine had made that mistake once, but now he was a new man; enlightened he could call it. He knew those geese were evil, perhaps they were even deceiving Brynn; Gwaine wasn’t sure, but he knew about the beasts and that was all that mattered. They wouldn’t be aiding any take-over, not on his watch.

Brynn pulled him from his thoughts with her words, she really had a habit of doing that, not that he was complaining of course. Gwaine had taken a shine to her younger brother in a sense, and most of her family really. He came across Meghan enough in the castle kitchens when he was trying to steal food, no doubt eventually she would ruin his knuckles with a wooden spoon, or the like. He wouldn’t blame her for the attempt either. Gyrth had become quite special to Gwaine in a way, he enjoyed their little sessions, and the boy was a delight to teach. Gwaine had always said to Griff, his close friend, that if he had sons then he should just point them in his direction and he would make knights out of them without a second thought. Really, Griff had no choice, he just didn’t know it yet. “Well, as long as its quiet he can always join me up here for an hour or two, most of the time its pretty safe anyway, with him up here it’s not like anyone would dare attack the kingdom anyway.” He grinned at Brynn, she would know he was joking of course, but he just wanted to be certain.

He looked on at Brynn, not really knowing what to say. He could see where she was coming from, with the view that she was boring, but that didn’t mean he agreed with it of course. Sure, she was a little less free with her affections and was a lot more modest than most of the women he encountered, but that wasn’t a bad thing. No, in his opinion it was a very good thing. After all, if everyone was the same then what would be the point in living at all? “You aren’t boring. You’re Brynn, and that’s all there is to it.” He smiled reassuringly, not sure if that was the right thing to say or not. He didn’t want her to listen to anyone else’s gossip, if anything it was quite liberating that Brynn didn’t feel the need to show herself off to every man who smiled her way.

Really, Gwaine was the wrong person to be giving this kind of speech in the first place, and he had no idea why he was even trying. He couldn’t even sort out his own emotions, so what hope would h have of solving someone else’s issues? He bit his lip, trying not to say anything that could upset Brynn, and thinking everything through incredibly carefully. “All ends are beginnings, even if the start isn’t clear at the time.” Gwaine said with wisdom which shocked him; but he spoke from experience. When he had left home it was hardly what he had wanted to do, and he could not class it as a happy time, but it had led him here, and he had honestly never been happier in his entire life. “You aren’t a fool, any man in Camelot would be lucky to have you!” He said confidently, what with the social mobility of Gwen who knows, Brynn could even be dancing amongst the ladies before long if the times really were changing.