Better To Have Loved And Lost

[Arthur Pendragon]

It was not supposed to be like this. Today should have been the day of his wedding to the woman he loved. The following day would be her coronation as queen. They were meant to be united, rule together . . . be happily married. How had everything turned around so quickly? A single event, a single sight, seemingly destroying the happiness that they were meant to share. No. Not meant to. Because if they were meant to be together then none of this would have happened. And this time, he could not blame magic. He could not blame outside powers that they had no control over. It had been . . . what? Love? Lust? He didn't know. All he knew was that Lancelot was dead -- this time presumably for the final time -- and Guinevère was banished. He had ordered her to leave at first light, and Arthur had spent the entire night staring out his window. As if something was going to happen to suddenly make everything better. But no. By now she was gone. And everything was over. He had returned to his chamber to ready for his patrol. While he often did not do this, today he needed to.

He needed to escape the court, the city, all the whispers of how the queen to be had betrayed the king. While he was hurt beyond words by her actions, he didn't want to hear others speak badly of her. He knew she was a good person; that she had a good heart. He just . . . well, he didn't know what he felt right now. He just knew that his life was in the public eye and he would not be faced with the humiliation of losing her. Emotionally and physically. Though right now, he was feeling more the pain of what happened, over the embarrassment of everything. He knew he could not hide in his room forever, so forced himself to leave, clad in his chainmail and cape, with his sword at his side. He went down to the courtyard, his horse readied as he need only wait for Percival. Had it been Arthur's choice, he would have preferred to go alone . . . but of course, it was unwise for the king to venture anywhere on his own. So, he went with his brother of heart. Yet he feared that his company would not be good today . . . and he knew that the knights he and Guinevère were closest to, would be feeling the loss of her as well.

_{Setting: Starts in the courtyard, moves to the woods
Time of Day: Morning
Timeline: After Lancelot Du Lac
Tag: Sir Percival}

[Deleted]

Walking down the hallway toward his room, Percival could not help but notice how quiet it seemed in the castle. He supposed that was because they were supposed to be celebrating the marriage of Arthur and Gwen, which had not happened. And neither would her coronation. Percival was really having a hard time with what had transpired earlier. Lancelot was dead, again. It had been hard on Percival losing him the first time. Lancelot had given him so much. If it were not for him, Percival was not sure if he would have ventured to Camelot, and without that, he never would have became a knight. And to top it off, Gwen had been banished. Something he truthfully did not fully understand, but Percival was not one to question his King's actions.

He needed to get ready for patrol, he remembered, and put on his full chainmail and cape. If his memory served him right, this morning he was on patrol with Arthur. Percival left his room, and made his way toward the courtyard. Part of him did not expect to see the king there, figuring he would have asked another knight to take his place. He wouldn't blame Arthur in the slightest. If he were in the king's place, he did not think he would feel like patrolling. But, this morning Percival was looking forward to the patrol. It was something to help him get his mind off of Lancelot and Gwen. Walking out of the castle, he saw his horse was ready, and he saw Arthur was already there. He quickly made his way down the steps, pausing as he neared Arthur. ”Morning, Sire,” he greeted, nodding respectfully at his King, using a more formal greeting then he might normally. He had told him to call him Arthur, but Percival wasn't sure how the king was, what mood he was in, and when in doubt, he would be formal to avoid problems. The last thing Percival wanted to do was anger the King, a man he greatly respected, and would lay down his life for without a second thought.

With that, he put his foot in the stirrup, and swung himself into the saddle. He gathered up his reigns, glanced over at Arthur, and waited for him to lead.

[Arthur Pendragon]

It did not take long for Percival to descend and mount his horse in preparation for this mornings patrols. "Sir Percival," Arthur greeted in return with the same formality in his voice. Once the knight was ready, Arthur pulled the reigns on his horse so that it would turn and begin to head in the directions of the Darkling Woods, where they would commence the patrol. The further they got from the city, the better. Even if it was just for a few hours. Arthur knew he could not avoid the whispers forever . . . he would eventually have to return. And then discuss matters with council. The question of what would have happened to Lancelot still raced in his mind. He doubted he would ever be able to execute him. Yet . . . also wondered that if he had banished him, would he and Guinevère find their way to each other? He hated that such thoughts were still on his mind, for he knew that she was gone. Gone, possibly never to be seen again. At least by him.

And it seemed that that was the way it had to be. That was the choice she had made: Lancelot, not him. And yet, he wondered what the knights were thinking. Especially Elyan. Had any of them known? No. Surely not. Right? Had it really just been Arthur who was completely oblivious? Who was so foolish? Who had missed all the signs ever since Lancelot re-entered everyone's lives? How could he have. How could he have been so . . . naive. Been so set on happiness when it was clear that the future held a different plan for them all. He wished he could stop dwelling on these thoughts, yet knew they would consume him for many days to come. He needed to think of something else, yet could find no words to speak at the moment as he rode alongside Percival. "We will be patrolling the western side of the kingdom this morning." Yes. Business. That seemed like a safe subject. Arthur was not usually one who talked too much . . . so while he did not need conversation, he still filled the silence. If only to keep from focusing on all the thoughts that rushed through his mind.

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Percival pulled on the reins of his horse, nudging it to move with his heel, so that he would keep up with Arthur. He was alert as they rode. His eyes looking all around, taking in his surroundings with great care. The people and their actions. Traveling with the king came with responsibility, came with risk. Especially in a situation such as this. With no other knights with them, Arthur's safety fell solely on him. There was always someone who was not happy with the king for one reason or another. Percival would do his best to ensure Arthur's safety as they rode together..

As they rode side by side Percival could not come up with anything to say to Arthur. He was not much of a talker to begin with, and add in the awkwardness of recent events, and the fact that it was his leader, his king, only made it worse. He listened to the sounds of their horses hooves, trying to come up with something. Anything, to say. As long as it did not revolve around Gwen, which was proving to be difficult. Recent events had been all about her.

When Arthur spoke, Percival looked over at him and nodded, ”Yes, My Lord”, he said respectfully. The western side. He was relieved the silence had been broken, though he usually was one to not mind a quiet ride. ”Have there been any reports of activity on that side, Your Majesty?”

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur knew that Percival was asking him a question, but all he could focus on was the use of his titles. He knew it was a habit for most, but right now . . . he hated the reminder of who he was. His position had created so much inconvenience, caused so much pain. Had he not been a prince, he and Guinevère could have been married long ago. Their lives would not have been in the public eye. And yet, that nagging question of whether she always had preferred Lancelot rung in his mind. Had she just settled for him, because he was committed to her? Or worse . . . had she felt some sort of obligation to be with him because of his title -- another reason he detested it right now. He hated that such a thought came to mind, yet after her actions, there were many doubts about the past couple of years that they had been together. "There's no need to call me that," he said in a short tone, immediately regretting it as soon as the words fell from his mouth.

He knew it wasn't fair to snap at Percival. None of this was the knight's fault. All the more reason Arthur had rather go alone, so that he would not have to be rude to those he called brothers. Perhaps they would understand, but that still gave him no right to lash out at them. Odd. How these men were his brothers and yet, he would have most certainly killed Lancelot had Guinevère not intervened. Would Leon, Percival, Gwaine and Elyan all look at him the same way? Or would they have resented him for killing one of their own? Or would they have understood why Arthur did it? "My apologies," he added, trying to clear his head enough to focus on the task at hand. "There are no specific reports of activity in the area. But it has not been patrolled for some time now." To answer his question. He knew it was safe to focus on business but again, these were the knights he was closest to. And with that, came the inability to pretend to be someone else.

[Deleted]

Percy rode watching around them as he waited for the king to reply. When he did, Percival's gaze turned toward him. The sharpness of Arthur's tone did not go unnoticed by Percival, and he looked forward. While Percy was big, and strong and that was not easily missed, what people did forget was his soft heart. Arthur was his king, but he had also become him friend, and his words hurt. It was almost a reflexive action to use titles when he was uncomfortable or nervous. Right now, he was both of those things. And while he knew one on one Arthur, liked to be called by his first name, Percival had not been thinking.

When Arthur apologized and answered his question, Percy just nodded, feeling more comfortable with just keeping his mouth shut. The tension in the air felt very thick between them. Percival knew Arthur was king, it wasn't something someone could miss. But, never before had he been so consciously aware of it. Despite his title, Arthur seemed to have a way of putting people at ease. At least that was how Percival felt. Never had Arthur made him feel like he was unworthy, or any less a knight because he had not been born of noble blood. Right now however, he felt like he was again nothing but a commoner, talking to a king. Afraid of saying the wrong thing, and the wrath that could come down on him, if he did. Because of that, he stayed silent.