He Cannot Know [Guinevère | Elyan]

[Guinevère]

Guinevère watched as the doors shut and Arthur walked out of her life forever. What she done? WHY had she done it? None of even made sense to her mind--not any longer! She did not love Lancelot, not that way, not know! And not it had cost her everything! She had done something that had cost her everything! Been foolish and stupid and stupid . . . . so stupid! WHY had she gone to meet him? What had she been thinking?

Arthur did know! She had been planning to tell him tonight--their wedding night! That their happiness was full. That everything they could ever want was here! Everything! But she'd been stupid and did not think with her heart. It had felt so for a moment but it had not been real and she knew that!

Falling to her knees she begin to cry, bent over and shoulders shaking. She'd cost herself everything! Her home, her life here--the man she would claim as her husband, and father to her children. Placing her hand over her belly while she stayed bent over, tears falling to her skirts and floor. He did not know of the child! He didn't know and she was afraid to tell him. Either he would not believe it his, or he would be trapped into whatever life they would have together. That thought only made her cry more.

[cherryblossom131]

Elyan didn't know what to think...what to feel. He felt angry and almost betrayed by what happened. He could only imagine how Arthur must feel, to be honest he didn't really want to. He could scarcely believe what had happened; this was Gwen they were talking about. His little sister who always had her head screwed on straight. She was the wisest person he knew, so how could she do this? He felt an overwhelming sense of dissapointment, that he never thought he could ever feel for Gwen. He knew how hard she and Arthur had fought just so they could be together, and for her to throw all that away at the last hurdle...it was near heartbreaking. It just didn't make sense, this wasn't like her, Gwen was always the resposible one. She'd never do this. But the truth of the matter was that she had, and no matter how much he wished it, this wasn't some bad dream. This was real.

He'd been waiting outside the doors, down the corridor. He'd heard the shouting from there. He watched Arthur storm out, who didn't see him. He was curious as to what the judgment was. He knew, had Uther been ruling, the judgment would have been death. But Elyan doubted Arthur could do that to Gwen, and Elyan knew, no matter what, he'd never allow it to happen...even after everything, she was still his sister. He creaked open the door to see her bent over on the ground and sobbing. He looked away; he couldn't bare to see her like this. Even after what she'd done, his heart would always hurt when he watched her cry.

"Gwen," he began quietly. He hardly knew how to continue. "Gwen, what have you done?" He wanted to understand, he just wanted to know why. He'd always thought her love for Arthur was one of the rare things in life he could always be sure of, but now...it was all so confusing. "Just help me understand Gwen, because I can't!" He raised his voice slightly, but not in anger, just in pure sorrow. "What judgement did he pass?" He delibrately didn't use his name. He needed to know. To know if they needed to run for her life or not.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère heard the doors open and she braced herself for whomever was there. "Gwen," Elyan! For some reason it only made her tears come harder knowing her brother saw her like this. He was always trying to protect her but he could not protect her from her foolishness! Knowing she'd disappointed him, made this worse. He did not have to say anything--she knew how her actions shamed their father's name. Their mothers'. His.

"Gwen, what have you done?" She didn't have to answer, he would know. Everyone would know. She betrayed their king with his knight. She'd gone to another man on the night before her wedding. "Just help me understand Gwen, because I can't!" Nor could she! That was the maddening part! It was as if she wasn't herself in those moments--the thoughts where not her's! She had just . . . . acted! There wasn't even a way to explain the feeling she had felt then, that she could not imagine feeling now!

"What judgement did he pass?" The worse one he could. Looking up at her brother, finally, she spoke in a broken tone. "I am to leave." She told him, "And not return on pain of death." Because he was serious enough to add in the last bit, or wanted her to believe that he was. She did not think he would kill her, but she knew that he would not be pleasant about any return. "I-I don't know where to go." The baby. Did she even tell him? How did she tell him?

[cherryblossom131]

"I am to leave." He had expected that. "And not return on pain of death." He closed his eyes at her words and wiped his hand over his face, as if to wake himself up from this torturous nighmare. "It could've been worse." He didn't want to think about the judgement Arthur could have passed. He decided to just be grateful Gwen had been given an ounce of a chance. The second part of what she had said hurt his heart. He knew, or rather hoped that if Gwen ever did return Arthur would not execute her. But the threat of his sister's death alone was enough to make his very soul hurt. He'd never allow it to happen. He knew his father wouldn't either. Oh, his father; what would he think if he saw his daughter now? Elyan dreaded to think.

"I-I don't know where to go." They were going to have to sort many things out in such a short time, so that she could leave. He tried to push all bitter thoughts out of his mind so that he could concentrate. "We'll be fine. We'll find a place and we'll be fine," he said, already assuming he was going with her. He knew they weren't going to be fine, far from it in fact. But he hoped saying it would help. He already began planning in his head, although he was terrible at it. He was still deciding whether he should say goodbye to the knights, his brothers, or not.

He rubbed his hand on his forehead. "I'll have to tell Percival or someone, to tell Arthur that I'm leaving the knighthood." They'd need horses and food for their journey to wherever they were going. He looked at her face again, and noticed something. Just for a second, but he knew that look. She was hiding something from him, although what she could possibly hide was beyond him. He decided he wouldn't press on the matter, they would have plenty of time on their journey. He also silently decided journey was definitely a better word than banishment.

[Guinevère]

"It could've been worse." No, it could not have! There was not a way it could have been worse! He did not wish to see her again, and when he learned--if he learned--of this child he would only grow to hate her for it. Part of her wished she could not tell him but another part hated herself for even thinking it. She could not keep this from him, but telling him harmed more then helped. She didn't know what to do!

"We'll be fine. We'll find a place and we'll be fine," The reminder that she cost her brother everything he'd worked and bleed for broke her heart more! Knowing that he built ties and friendships and brothers here and she'd ruined it all for him! "I'll have to tell Percival or someone, to tell Arthur that I'm leaving the knighthood." She would have told him to stay, begged him to stay here for his would never find a good opportunity like this one. Black smiting would not even bring in half the coins he makes here in month, even if he worked every day for a year! She would have told him to stay, but she could not. The baby. She could not do this alone.

"Elyan," She whispered, closing her eyes and tears fell. She had to tell him. He needed to know. "I am carrying Arthur's child." Guinevère was not able to look at her brother as she spoke these words. They were too hard! Broke her heart too much!

[cherryblossom131]

"Elyan," He looked at her, listening to what she wanted to say. "I am carrying Arthur's child." At her words, he froze. Everything around him froze. Realisation dawned on him; this is what she had been hiding. He didn't know what to say. He could barely make a coherent thought. She was with child?! As soon as the words had come out of her mouth everything became instantly more complicated. He hadn't even thought that were possible. She wasn't looking at him, but he was staring at her wide eyed. How could this be happening? This couldn't be happening. He'd always thought the day Gwen told him she was pregnant would be a day of joy. Joy at the prospect of becoming an uncle, but today, the news only brought him pain and sorrow.

Elyan almost felt ashamed at his next words, but he had to be sure. "Are you sure it's Arthur's?" He had to be the responsible one now; it was finally time for him to act like the older sibling he was, instead of the other way round like it had almost always been. He could no longer look to Gwen for advice, it was she who was looking to him. Elyan hadn't even been aware she had slept with Arthur yet. He knew he hadn't ever wanted to know the gross details of Gwen and Arthur's relationship, but he had always assumed she'd wait until their wedding night. "God, Gwen how could you have been so stupid?!" He was lashing out, he knew that. He also knew this was the last thing she needed, but he was angry; at what, he wasn't yet sure. There were so many things to choose from.

"Does he even know?" Had she told Arthur yet? From the way Arthur had stormed out before, and from the judgment he'd given her, he doubted she had. Elyan knew she had to tell him; he had a right to know, after all it was his child. But Arthur was a broken man now. Elyan dreaded to think what news like this was going to do to him. If Elyan felt shocked and angry at this, Arthur's reaction was going to be a million times worse. But no matter what, Elyan was certain of that one thing. Arthur needed to be told.

[Guinevère]

"Are you sure it's Arthur's?" Guinevère had been afraid of Elyan's reaction, but hearing these words first broke her heart so completely in two that she felt more afraid then ever before. Would Arthur ask her the same? Would be believe it was another's man's child? If he did, then would he send her away before he learned the truth. "I've known for about a week." Lancelot had only been back a few days! Even if she'd given him more then a kiss, there had been no time to tell if there was a child or not. Her brother thought her a whore, and worse--she'd earned the title. There was nothing she could say to defend herself.

"Does he even know?" Arthur. No, he did not know. Not yet, and she wasn't sure she was brave enough to tell him right now. He was so angry. So hurt. "N-no," She whispered, " was going to tell him tonight." A surprise on the night that should have been their wedding night. Instead she's been found int he arms of another man on the night before their wedding night and spent the cold night in the cells below.

Arthur hated her now! how could he not? How would he feel when he learned that she carried his child? How would any child be able to have a good life when their parents were not happy?

[cherryblossom131]

"I've known for about a week." So it was definitely Arthur's then. He wasn't sure if he should feel relieved or not. This kind of news could crush Arthur after everything that's happened. "Oh Gosh, what are we going to do?" He hadn't meant to say it out loud. It was just a force of habbit for him to ask that question of Gwen. She was always the calm one who got him out of his problems for his entire life. She was a natural at it. He wasn't. He'd never been put in this position of responsibility before. In all honesty it was a big reason why he had left all those years ago; to escape things like this. Now, he couldn't run or hide and that terrified him more than he would admit to anyone; more than he'd admit to himself.

"N-no," she answered him. Arthur didn't know, just as he'd expected. " was going to tell him tonight." He closed his eyes and wiped his hand over his face. "Oh Gwen." He looked at her, still on her knees with teartracks on her cheeks. It was a sight he never wished to see in his entire life. He fell to his knees in front of her and looked at her right in the eyes to convey the seriousness of his next words. "You have to tell him." It was the first thing that had to happen. That, he was sure of. He knew what the consequences of telling Arthur could be, but he had a right to know of his child. And they would deal with the repercussions later. That was generally how Elyan dealt with things.

Elyan put his arms around her and just held her close so she could cry on his shoulder. Even after what had happened she was still his little sister, and he loved her no matter what. This was what she needed and what he needed just as much; to hold his sister in his arms, as if everything was going to be alright. He was still angry and dissapointed and confused but this embrace gave him an ounce of hope, if only for a moment. Hope for their future; for her baby's future, as naive and foolish as it sounded. But it was what he needed. What they both needed.

[Guinevère]

"Oh Gwen." Guinevère felt herself tear up faster, and the warm tears fall over her cheeks more at his words. Elyan pulled her into his lap and she wrapped her hands around his neck, holding tightly as if he was the only thing keeping her from drowning in a stormy sea. He should hate her for what she did to their father's name, to their mothers. To his name. Yet she could only feel the comfort of having her elder brother near.

It was his next words that made her fear the next few hours. Tonight's horror was not over yet. "You have to tell him." Yes, but she was afraid. Should she not wait a while and give him time to clear his mind? "He sent me away, if I return it's on pain of death." While she knew Arthur would never kill her she also knew he was very angry. "I could not bare it if he thought the child was not his." It would hurt so very much to know how much damage she had truly done to his believes in her.

[cherryblossom131]

"He sent me away, if I return it's on pain of death." He closed his eyes at her words. "You and I both know he could never let you die." Yet even though Elyan knew this, the words still hurt for him to hear. It was painful to even think that any harm could come to his sister. She was too precious to him, despite everything. Arthur would still be extremely angry and hurt of course. But was it not better to tell him sooner rather than later. Elyan feared if they waited Arthur would just be even angrier. It was also Arthur's right to know of course. Of his child, in the womb of his sister. "He has to be told, and soon too, otherwise it'll just be worse." If Arthur would feel angry he'd only be more furious to know that she kept the news of his son or daughter from him.

He kept his arms around her as she spoke on of her fears that Arthur would think the child was not his. It made Elyan almost feel guilty for inquiring it. But he'd had to be responsible, and cover everything. It had been a relevant question and one Elyan had no doubt Arthur would ask. He feared what it would do to Gwen. "You must be prepared for everything he will say, do and ask," he said in reference to her fears. "He is in a fragile state after...what happened." Elyan tried to choose his words carefully. "You're going to have to expect that he will ask it, either as an actual inquiry or just in spite." Elyan had never known Arthur to be spiteful but as he'd told Gwen, he was in a very fragile state. He didn't know what to expect from him.

Elyan tried to appear level-headed, for Gwen. But in all honesty he had no idea what they were doing or what they were going to do. Would Arthur still banish her, even after knowing she carried his child? Elyan doubted it, but they had to be ready for the possibility. Elyan would have to help raise the child of course. He'd get a job, and try to support them. Would he be able to afford to care for a family...a child? All these thoughts and questions were in his mind and he didn't know what to do with them. He never usually thought about the future, never had to be practical and rational. That was always Gwen. But now he had to take on her role and he didn't know how to. He felt truly terrified, more than he had ever been. He needed her, but she was fragile right now. He held Gwen tighter, more for himself than for her.

[Guinevère]

"You and I both know he could never let you die." She knew that, she did. Yet knowing it and hearing the words were different. While she doubted that Arthur ever would hard her, no matter what she'd done--knowing she had hurt him that much, made her heart break. That was why she told Elyan, so he would know how hurt and angry that Arthur was at her. "He has to be told, and soon too, otherwise it'll just be worse." "I know," But she was afraid to face him right now.

"He is in a fragile state after . . . what happened." No, he was hurt. She'd hurt him far worse then anyone had hurt him before. Others betrayed him for power and greed. She'd betrayed his heart, and his love. "You're going to have to expect that he will ask it, either as an actual inquiry or just in spite." Elyan pulled her tighter into him and Guinevère felt herself cry a little more, for she was afraid to hear the words that Arthur would say and could never take back. It would break her heart and she would always fear that he would always think that. That as he watched his child grow he would look for signs of he or she to look like him rather then Lancelot. "I am afraid to face him," She admitted to her brother. Elyan could not protect her when she went to face Arthur, so she would take what comfort she could from her big brother now. "What if he does not believe me?"

[cherryblossom131]

"I am afraid to face him," He looked into her eyes and saw there was true fear there. He couldn't bring himself to lie to her and tell her that there was nothing to be afraid of. She'd call him up on the lie. The truth was, everything was at stake. Arthur's decision on what would happen to them and the child was enough to cause fear in anyone's hearts, especially his sisters. He felt a few tears fall from his eyes, but he ignored them. "I know you can face him Gwen," he said encouragingly, it was as if she was going to face some big monster. "You're the strongest person I know." He meant that, even after everything that had happened. She had made a mistake and yes, he was dissappointed and angry. But was one mistake enough to completely forget everything she had done for him for his entire life? He decided the answer to that was no. She had forgiven him for so much in his life. He would be a fool not to be there for her now, in her time of need. He imagined this was how she must have felt all those times he had disappointed her. That was why he had no doubt she was strong-hearted.

"What if he does not believe me?" The question had crossed his mind of course. He was silent for a few moments, because he didn't know how to answer her. There was a huge chance he wouldn't believe her. He might think it was some ploy to keep her from being banished. "I will wait for you here, when you go." He didn't want her to feel alone. He would be there for her every step of the way. "So you know that you are not alone, no matter what he says." He knew that was not enough, not even close. He purposefully didn't directly answer her question. He didn't want to shatter her heart more than it already had been. Because his brutally honest answer would have been that Arthur would most likely not believe her. It was cowardly of him to deflect from her question, but he knew he'd never be able to bear seeing any more pain in her eyes.