Honour Bound

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
Note: Better layout coming soon!

for the love

OF CAMELOT

Arthur knew he had. There was no justifying it nor denying it. He had indeed lied to her. Lied to their son. By withholding the truth from them, it now came out in forced circumstances. She then spoke of him leaving her, assuming that he was going back. "No," he breathed, instinctively taking a small step towards her. "It's not that simple, Guinevère," he assured her. It was not as simple as returning and choosing a life there compared to the one he had here. It was not as simple as endangering the life of his wife and their son while so many dangers befell the kingdom. It was . . . just, not simple. In any way.

"To go back would mean exposing, everything." His presence. His family. "But, to do nothing . . . " As he had been doing all this time. And how many people had died because of it? "People are dying. And those who live, are in constant fear. I can't . . . " His eyes held true conflict, shaking his head a little, unable to stop the glistening of tears in his eyes though fought to hold them back. The blood was on his hands. "I can't ignore that." Not anymore. Not when he now knew the full state of what was happening in the place he once called him.

[Guinevère]

He said no, and took a step forward. Good! Guinevère felt calmer at that, and as if she had time to adjust to everything--only then he said it wasn't that simple, and she felt it all come right back! It should be! Her life should be simple! The right thing and the wrong time should be simple choices! You picked a trade you enjoyed, you worked hard for the coins, you bought food, and clothes; you paid your taxes and then did it again! No one lives and died by your choices! Things should be simple!

His face showed so much emotion, that it was hard to stay angry. He was hurting and he was trying to be noble--but noble men died for honor! She stepped closer toward him, but couldn't bring herself to touch him. She was still angry that he kept this from her for years! Their life together was on lies, and they were breaking down! She wasn't sure they could come from this.

But nor did she want to see him dead. "And so you are going to do what, Arthur?" She asked, her words hinting she was trying to make an point. "Ride into Camelot and ask the tyrant Queen to do a better job?" Did he not see how impossible that was? "You will be killed! You said it yourself! This is who you are, and that was who you were! If she is killing her own people then she will not hesitate to do so to you!"

If that wasn't enough, "And if she learns of your son? They said she was lining knights up and killing them. Her men! What would she do to your son?" To their unborn child? "What are you telling me you're going to do?" because he wasn't asking. He wasn't giving her the details and asking for help, he was giving her details and clearly knew what he wanted to do. "You are one man. She is an army of men. Do you really think she will welcome you?"

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
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OF CAMELOT

He didn't know what he was going to do. He hadn't the faintest idea. So when she asked him, he only remained silent. He knew the risks it posed . . . to him, to his family. But, Morgana too was his family was she not? Was she so far removed from the person he had grown up with? The one who stood up for the people and helped protect them? Deep down, he feared it so. Would his presence to anything to remind her of how they spoke of a just land? It seemed that the very thing she opposed, was what she had become but . . . surely, there had to be some hope.

"I don't know," he admitted in a quiet voice, replying to her question so that she knew just how conflicted he was. That there was no easy route to take. "But I look at you and Amaren, and I think . . . how many women and children died, because of a queen's tyranny?" He was blessed with his family, while others were losing theirs. People who had once trusted him. Who had supported him. He saw that look in the woman's eyes who he'd caught today. It was a look of hope. "How many good men fell because they stood up for what is just." While he walked away from it all. Without choice but surely, he could have -- should have -- done something.

He could not stop the tear that fell from his eye, sniffing and quickly brushing it away as he slightly cleared his throat. Trying to regain his composure. The fear of what she could do to Amaren, to Guinevère was very real. "She can not find out about you or Amaren," he told her. "I, have to believe that part of her is still the woman that I knew. But, I will not bet on it with your lives." He would not put that theory to the test when it was Guinevère and Amaren's lives at risk.

[Guinevère]

She hated his words in a way, because they reached her. They made sense to her, as a mother. Yet would Arthur not be just one more death? She had always loved how honorable he was, and how he would help everyone he could--and perhaps it made her a hippocrate for not telling him not too. Yet she loved him, and this would kill him! "So you are leaving us," she whispered into the dark room.

She turned from him to walk closer to the small fire. He was telling her that he felt honor bound to help the people of a kingdom he had not seen in almost a decade. Where had his honor been when he lied to her for years? Did he expect her to wait for him here? Never knowing what it ended? Would he disappear from her life as suddenly as he appeared?

Turing to look back at him, Guinevère too had tears on her face. "Would you have ever told me?" She asked, knowing it wasn't what they were talking about, but if he was leaving she needed to know. "If you hadn't decided you couldn't stay away any longer?" Or would he had lied to her forever?

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
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OF CAMELOT

This time when she said he was leaving them . . . he didn't immediately deny it. That did not mean he was going to . . . but it also didn't mean that he wouldn't. "I don't know what I am going to do," he told her quite honestly. He wasn't entirely sure he could leave his life here. This life of joy they had created. He just watched her as she moved to the fireplace, though when she turned to face him and he saw the tears on her face . . . he wanted nothing more than to wipe them. To hold her. And promise her that everything would be ok. She then asked him another question that was difficult to answer. So he fell silent, trying to find the right words to say. The most honest ones. "I suppose, a part of my always knew that the day would come when I would tell you." Deep down, he knew it. "But the more time that passed, the further away that day became." And the harder it became to speak of such things when everything felt so . . . perfect here with her.

"I found happiness here, Guinevère. With you. With our son." True happiness. Thought he would wither away, die of a broken heart and yet . . . fate had brought him here. Of all the cities, of all the kingdoms, he had come here. He hadn't even realized he was taking a couple of steps towards her. "Nothing has brought my greater joy than our family." And it wasn't out of a desire to break that, that he may have to leave. "But . . . I am bound by a duty to the people of Camelot." Whatever role he fulfilled there . . . he just, knew he had to do something. "A duty that I did not choose yet one, that I can no longer pretend I do not have." He had no choice, being born into the royal family. But his life with her, had been a choice. "I love you, Guinevère. And . . . I'm sorry. For the hurt I have caused you." For the lies. For the deceit. For, everything.

[Guinevère]

"I don't know what I am going to do," He knew. She knew he that knew had an idea of what he would do, or he wouldn't have told her tonight. He would not have suddenly been honest. She wasn't even sure if he was lieing to her or himself this time. "But the more time that passed, the further away that day became." So no. He would not have told her. That hurt, and she looked from him for a moment while trying to find the strength to stay strong in this conversation when all she wanted to do was beg him to stop.

"I found happiness here, Guinevère. With you. With our son." He moved toward her, and she looked back at him--not sure if she wanted his arms around her to comfort her, or if she didn't want them. "Nothing has brought my greater joy than our family." That soften the blow, to hear her speak of them so. "But . . . I am bound by a duty to the people of Camelot." Yet there was more.

"I love you, Guinevère. And . . . I'm sorry. For the hurt I have caused you." She believed he loved her. She didn't doubt that, but there was a difference between loving and loving with your whole heart. She had loved him with everything she had--he'd kept a large part of himself from her. "I've married you, and shared your bed for almost 7 years now. Yet after tonight I feel as if I don't even know you." Who was prince Arthur? "If you love me . . . why did you not trust me to know?" Why lie about it for their whole marriage?

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
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OF CAMELOT

Arthur certainly couldn't blame her for that. He understood, completely. There were over 20 years of his life that he had told her nothing about. And he knew, that this changed everything. This was not a casual rank alteration from peasant to noble. It was larger than that, and he still did not know how to cope with the changes that would inevitably come from this . . . or what changes those would even be. "I do love you," he stated, not wanting there to be an if in there. Or any shred of doubt in it.

"It was not trust, or lack there of that made me not tell you Guinevère." He trusted her, emphatically. He paused for a moment, trying to stead his voice despite the overwhelming emotions that continued to consume him. "I was . . . ashamed." He paused, knowing he owed it to her to elaborate on what he meant. "The moment I stepped foot out of Camelot, I knew I had failed the people." Voicing the words that weighted on him for so long, yet had been dormant due to the happiness he felt every day in this place. "People who had placed their trust and faith in me." Despite the lack of choice . . . it didn't matter. The point was, he had still left. "I was a disgrace to my father, and to them." Words not to draw sympathy, but to honestly tell her why he had kept this from her.

"And when I met you . . . " A fond memory, for it had led to the greatest love he'd ever known. "I just, wanted to somehow forget. To put the past where it belonged. I was naive for thinking it would remain so." Though as he said, deep down, he hadn't thought as such. "I didn't think to keep it from you long." He had told himself every day, that he would tell her. "I was just . . . so scared of losing you." Another tear as he closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. "You were all I had," he added on, looking at her. The irony of it all, was that he could very well lose her now too.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère listened to him tell his story and watched as he too couldn't contain the emotion they both struggled to hold in. They were both hurting, and she didn't know what to do. She believe him. She believed he was a prince, and that he wanted to protect his people, and that he was torn between them and his family. She believed he loved her, and that he was sorry he hurt her. Yet sorry did not erase years of lies. She wasn't sure how to even get past that right now. Arthur was her everything, and the one person she went to for comfort--now she had no where to turn to.

She wasn't sure what to do now. Did she go to their bed? Pretend that he wasn't thinking of leaving, and sleep there? Guinevère knew there would be no sleep for her tonight. How did she sleep when her world was falling. Yet she needed time to think. She couldn't think with him looking at her like this. With him finally being so open with her, when she had wanted it for years. "You should rest," she said, closing her eyes so she wouldn't see the hurt on his face, "We can speak in the morning. I need time to think." Time to let her mind wonder over what all this really meant. For him, for her, for Amaren. For the baby. What her next choice would be. "And I think you do too." He needed to decide if he was staying or going. She couldn't live with this uncertainty. Of waiting for him to decide he could no longer stay away and leave.

She almost turned to their bed, but in the end couldn't do it. "I'll sleep with our son tonight." She knew that would hurt him, and she hated to hurt him. She didn't want to hurt him, but nor could she share his bed until she had made some decisions. "I will see you for breakfast," she said trying to soften the blow, and then angry that she cared. Maybe she was even trying to make sure he would be there.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
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OF CAMELOT

Arthur slightly nodded in acceptance of her words. Giving her time to think, getting some rest. He expected that they would not be sharing a bed tonight for the tension was too great. But nor did Arthur have any intention of actually laying down. "Good night," he said in a quiet voice. Part of him wondered if he should return to those who had fled Camelot and try to speak to them more. The other part of him -- the more dominant one -- knew that he needed to stay with his family. Guinevère had spoken of breakfast, and he didn't want to act as if he was moving away from them.

Arthur listened to her footsteps fade towards their son's bed, as Arthur just stared at the fireplace. He then moved to the table, sitting down and holding the ring in his hand. Staring at it intently. The emotions came to surface again, wiping the tears and knowing they had to be the last that he allowed to fall. He needed to be strong, stoic, now more than ever. While he had no intention of sleeping, the emotions and all that was revealed today, exhausted him and he wasn't sure how much time had passed until he fell asleep, his head in his arms at the table while clutching the royal ring in his hand . . . which was pressed against his wedding ring.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère did not sleep. She'd heard him in the other room, some fabric made a wall between their son's room and the main room, so it wasn't hard. She knew he was there, and it gave her some comfort that he stayed. She was awake hours waiting for him to go to bed, but she never heard him move. She never went to sleep, but she knew she feel close a few times before her thoughts began to take her mind away. When it was still early, and she felt her son begin to stir, she got out of the bed, so he would get dressed.

She paused at the opening to the other room and saw him at the table still. Her heart hurt so much for them right now. Everything had been perfect! She wanted nothing more then this, and now everything was so much more then what she was ready for. He had kept himself from her their whole marriage. She knew it was hard for him but now she knew it was because he was hiding who he was.

Walking into the room she put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently to wake him, though she could tell he wasn't sleeping deeply. As he began to wake up she walked to the other side of the table, and saw him still holding the ring. "Amaren is getting dressed," she told him, not wanting their son to know his parents where at odds. She would have asked if he slept well, but it was clear he did not. She knew she didn't look better, and her only saving grace was that so far she was not sick this morning. "You can wash and change, while I get breakfast ready?" Her voice was soft, but she wasn't looking at him while she kept her hands busy. The ring a reminder of the lies. "Are . . . are you going to the forge today?" Or was he going to . . . she didn't know. The uncertainty making her uneasy.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
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OF CAMELOT

The approaching footsteps was the first thing that started to pull him from sleep, and a gently hand on his shoulder was the second. Despite the tension that existed between them, the fact that she had given him such a touch . . . meant a great deal to him. He raised his head to look at her, knowing his wife well enough to recognize that she probably slept no better than he did. He nodded a little when she spoke of Amaren getting ready. They could not tell this to him. Any of it. Arthur tucked away the ring he had kept concealed for all these years, standing up to stretch from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in.

He turned to get ready when she asked him a question that caused him to pause. Amidst all his contemplation last night, he knew what he had to do. He knew who he had to find. He turned to look at Guinevère. No more lies. "I need to speak to you in private," he told her. Meaning, with their son not in the room or within earshot. And his answer, perhaps gave response to her own question. Letting his look upon her linger, he heard Amaren shuffling around and Arthur took that opportunity to move behind the sheet of their own area to quickly wash up and dress into fresh clothes for the day.

[Guinevère]

His words made her heart drop, and she was glad she wasn't not looking at him. How did she pretend everything was alright after that. "Yes," she whispered, not sure what the word was supposed to mean. As Arthur left the room, Amaren came in. Guinevère told him she wasn't feeling well again--using that excuse instead of the truth.

By the time Arthur came back into the room, Guinevère had a small bread and meat meal on the table. It was only then she realized she was serving a meal to a prince, and how different this must be. She reminded herself these thoughts were not true, and that she was only afraid. Arthur had been her husband for over 6 years, and he'd never judge her for this.

"When you finish, your father is going to take you to play with your friends," Guinevère told their son, trying to make her voice sound happy. 'Will you play with us, Papa?!' Amaren asked with his voice full of hope. Guinevère sat at the table, and looked at her food but knew if she ate it that she would be sick. Yet she didn't want to let Arthur think she was unwell. She her hands remained in her lap.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
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OF CAMELOT

Arthur hated that this was how things were. Yet, he also knew that it was his own fault. And that things would get a lot more intense before they got better . . . if they ever did. He had already lost one family, and he couldn't bare the thought of losing another. Once he was ready, he stepped out to see the food on the table, and Amaren and Guinevère sitting there. "Thank you," he told her, taking his seat, forcing a smile to his son as Amaren asked if he would play with him.

There were times when he did. And instances where he wished he could more often. But today . . . he knew it was just not possible. Arthur reached out, putting a hand on the back of Amaren's head. "Papa has a very busy day today," he told him. Leaning forward, he kissed Amaren on the side of the head. The thought of leaving him, of leaving Guinevère even for more than a day . . . tugged at his heart. He had never left them so even a quick trip to the borders was already filling him with unease. "I'll make it up to you though," he promised him. And he would. He'd find a way. Taking a bite of his bread he looked at Guinevère, noticing her food was untouched. "You're not eating?" Both a question and a statement. He wondered if it was appetite loss from their conversation last night. Or, if she was feeling sick again.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère watched Arthur promise their son to make it up too him, and kiss his him; and she feared how Amaren would take his father leaving. He loved his father above all else, and depending on how this went--he could be gone for a long time. Amaren seemed unaware of the turmoil and she was grateful. Arthur's voice interrupted her thoughts and she looked up at him. 'Mommy doesn't feel well today,' Amaren answered for her, taking the excuse she'd used earlier. He didn't seemed worried though, since he was home more mornings then Arthur, he knew that she would feel better later today. "I will save mine for later," She told Arthur, hoping that he wouldn't press to guess the reason.

Keeping the baby from him wasn't something she was doing to hurt him. She had wanted to find he perfect time, and then he told her of his past. Telling him would only add to what was between them. She would wait until he had some more answers, before telling him of the baby. Besides, right now she felt protective over it. Under the table her hands rested there over her belly.

"I am feeling better though, so there is no need to worry." Sickness took many because of the lack of doctors in the area. Lack of coin to pay them. Guinevère looked around her house, and knew that this was nothing compared to the world he knew. Here he had to work for every coin, and save up just for shoes for their son. Here he often worked longer then the sun. Brutally hard work sometimes when it came to beating mental in place. As a prince he could have all the coins he could ever spend. He didn't have to worry about worn shoes. "Besides, I think Amaren needs some of it too," she teased her son, trying to sound happy, "He has nearly worn out his shoes again. Apparently he refuses to stop growing." Amaren laughed, and Guinevère cherished the sound.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
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OF CAMELOT

Amaren spoke of how Guinevère didn't feel well today and . . . well, he knew it was more than just a passing sickness. Which was why Arthur didn't feel the need to further question it. They were acting as if nothing was wrong, for the sake for their son. And he wouldn't give a reason to give their son cause to worry. "Well, then it sounds like you'll have to help take care of her," he told Amaren with a smile. Guinevère assured him that she was feeling better and he continued to smile, giving a slow nod of . . . understanding. And knowing. He wouldn't press the issue, and was grateful for the subject change. He smiled at the tease, soaking in the sound of Amaren's laughter as Guinevère spoke of how he had worn out his shoes.

"Perhaps we should just wait a few months and he can borrow mine," Arthur joked, encouraging the jovial mood between them. His family. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a couple of coins and set them near Amaren. "Why don't you buy a new pair of shoes today with your mother." They didn't have much, but they got by. It was a lie, to say that Arthur hadn't thought about how much more he could provide his family with had they been back in Camelot. Yet here, they had happiness. True happiness, and no amount of coin could buy that. "Try not to grow for at least another week," he teased, causing Amaren to chuckle again as he inspected the coin. Arthur watched him with a continued smile before looking at Guinevère . . . and then lowering his gaze to his food to finish his breakfast.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère even found herself smiling for truth at Amaren's reaction to his father's teasing. He was so happy at the idea of using is father's boots. Arthur suggested they buy some today, and Guinevère wondered why Arthur hadn't suggested it--but she knew why. Because he was doing something else today. Was he leaving today? Arthur looked at her, and for a moment their eyes held. Lingered. Yet Guinevère looked back at their son, before the hurt begin to show on her face.

They seemed so happy at the table,a nd she was almost afriad to leave it. She wanted to steal this, and make it theirs forever! It would be too easy to just use his children and demand he stay here. That they joke and tease their son for the rest of their lives. To beg him not to leave. Not to go die for a kingdom that . . . . . that he loved.

"I am going to go wash, and change for the day," She said, trying to be normal when she didn't know what that meant anymore. "Your father will take you to Rosa's, and I will come get you later to find you new shoes." She promised, standing to kiss his head, before walking toward her room that she shared with Arthur. She needed some times alone before she had to face him. She needed to decide what she was going to do when he left. Because she knew that was what he would say.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
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OF CAMELOT

When Guinevère excused herself to get ready for the day, Arthur knew that now was a good time, further prompted by Guinevère telling Amaren that he would take him to Rosa's. Once Guinevère went to get ready, Arthur cleaned up the dishes, with of course their son's help, before they were ready to leave. It was so strange. Walking in the marketplace felt . . . different this time around. As if Arthur had taken it for granted every other day, now realizing that this may not be the rest of his life. He tried not to let it show, engaging in conversation with his excited son about well, everything. It was incredible how children were excited about things that seemed so small, yet meant the world to them. Once they reached Rosa's, Arthur smiled at the woman and they exchanged a few pleasantries before Arthur kissed his son goodbye, and watched him run off with his friends.

He let his gaze on his son linger for a few moments, before knowing he had to leave. The walk back was silent as he fell into a deeply pensive state. What would he say to Leon? . . . What would he say to Guinevère? He knew there were things that could go wrong in this plan. Was Leon even still alive? Had he lost a brother of heart as well as a sister? It seemed like no time at all until he was back at their home, taking a slow breath he pushed open the door, stepping inside . . . only taking a couple of steps in. He was silent, continuing to think how to say this before deciding to just, blurt it out. There was no point in dragging it out. "I'm going to the borders of Camelot," he began to explain, figuring she knew by now that he would leave.

"Patrol frequents the area, and it will be led by a knight of the name Leon." When Arthur was unable to, the responsibility often fell onto his dear friend. With Arthur not present at all -- if Leon was still alive -- then he would most certainly be charged with such tasks. "I trust him." Emphatically. "I need to know exactly what is happening in the kingdom." From a knight's perspective. And then, to ensure her that he had no intention of leaving for good . . . "I won't be gone more than a few days." Because he planned on returning, no matter what.

[Guinevère]

They left, and she felt as if she could breath for a moment before Arthur returned. Guinevère washed, and pinned her hair up, before dressing warmly for the day ahead. She tried to eat a little--for the baby, but she was't able to keep it all down. She knew that the illness every morning would pass, but she wished it would do it sooner, rather then later.

She was at the table, sitting out her sewing when he walked silently back in. Guinevère was about to ask him if he wanted to sit do they could talk when he just came right out and said it. He again, wasn't asking--making her see a little of the prince in him--he was telling her that he would be going. The he would seek out a knight who USED to be on patrol almost a decade ago in the areas, and attempt to catch him there, and with some trust hope he wouldn't be killed. and then come back armed with information.

Guinevère stared at him for a long moment, "It seemed your choice is made, and you're not asking my opinion," She said softly, but angry. "I shall give it anyway. How many years have you been gone, Arthur? You've been married to me for almost 7, so I know at least that. You've changed--he has too. What if he is like this evil queen and takes your life there? What if you go there and wait, and someone else is on patrol? You can ask the people here about what is happening! Send word to someone you trust, and meet them somewhere safer!"

[Arthur Pendragon]

Tag: Guinevère
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OF CAMELOT

She was angry. That much was clear, despite her levelled tone. He could hear it in her voice. And so he listened to her words, speaking of how much time had passed, and how risky the plan was. He knew it was indeed risky, but it was the only way he could separate himself from this city. From this kingdom. "If he still lives, then he would not support a tyrant queen." Arthur knew that much. Besides, Leon would be his best bet to gain some insight into Morgana. And if Leon wasn't there . . . well, Arthur knew he would have to return, and try to find the information another way. "If I send word, and it is intercepted, they can trace me back here." He paused, looking at her.

"They can trace my family here." And it would put Guinevère and Amaren at great risk. "I need to know from someone within the castle. I . . . need to know if there is any hope for Morgana." Any chance he could reach out to her, or if it was truly all lost. Besides, there were those here who already recognized him and he feared the word would get out. At least right now, it was still on his own terms. "I know that this is not what you want to hear, Guinevère," he told her, fully acknowledging that. "But I . . . I gave up on my father, and mourned him when he passed. I, can not make the same mistake with my sister." To give up on her. To mourn her when there may be some humanity left in her yet. The word sister. Even to say it sounded so foreign, but Arthur knew that the sooner he accepted it, the sooner he could prepare himself for whatever he found out in greater detail than what the civilians from Camelot had told him.

[Guinevère]

"You are right, this is not what I want to hear," Guinevère told him, not liking the plan, or that he made this choice without asking her. Not that his kingdom has anything to do with her, but she was his WIFE, should he have at least told her this was what he wanted to do, and given her a choice? He said he was a prince, he said he was honor bound to go, he said he was leaving today!

Yesterday she woke up to a blacksmith who loved her and they were excited to grow old int he home they'd built. Today the prince told her he was going. She wanted him to stay, to be safe, to be a blacksmith. "I don't want you to go!" She told him, tears in hr voice that hadn't started falling yet. "You will be killed, and I will never know!" She needed him here! He was a father, he would be again! Yet yesterday he put his family first and today a kingdom that she was sure Amaren didn't even know existed!

It was on her lips to tell him now, but she didn't want to use the baby like that. Babies were joy, not chains. "You've see the people leaving in fear, you know what kind of person she is already. If she changed, they have changed! That is not your kingdom any more . . . they are not the people you knew." It was clear that fear in her voice was making her say these, but it all happening to fast! Last night he was a fallen prince and this morning he was riding back to a queen who apparently lined knights up in the court yard, and shot anyone who refused to swear obedience to her! She'd have him killed!