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Post by Arthur Pendragon on May 6, 2010 11:36:41 GMT -5
There were many things unusual about today. One was that Arthur Pendragon was not clad in his usual armor attire. Today, he was dressed casually, as if he was anticipating no danger in the journey he was about to embark on. Yes, unusual indeed . . . but perhaps even more peculiar than that was the fact that he was alone. He did not have his servant following him around which was definitely abnormal. But today, Arthur was actually considering the needs of his servant above his own. He was going to let Merlin sleep a little, after all, the fact that he accompanied him on his short -- but successful -- attempt to defeat the dragon, surely merited a bit of a break. And Arthur could certainly take care of himself . . . after all, he managed to dress himself this morning. Then again, it took him a few tries before he could wear his shirt in a satisfactory matter, but oh well.
The sun had not even risen yet, but Arthur had far too much energy to sleep. Everyone found rest easier though, for the streets of Camelot were empty with the exception of the knights on patrol to guard the castle. Arthur had even prepared his own horse! He put the saddle on it, made sure it was fed, and then hopped on and trotted out of the gates. It was dark, only with a slight hint of light from the fading stars and moon. Yet, Arthur found it rather peaceful. Of course he still had far too much on his mind. With the disappearance of Morgana, something that still greatly troubled him more than he was willing to admit. He would find her. He had to. He could not accept that she was gone forever, or worse . . . dead. Apart from his missing adoptive sister, he also had a certain maid servant on his mind: Guinevère. Well that was just a complicated issue all on its own, yet it constantly dominated his thoughts. WHY was it women that prevented Arthur from a restful night!
He was pulled from his looming thoughts when he heard something. He head jolted to the side, as he placed his hand on one of the few weapons he was wearing. His sword was attached to the side of him. He also had a small dagger hidden in his boot, but would not pull that out unless it was absolutely necessary. "Who goes there?" He asked in a demanding and authoritative voice. He was not afraid, but he was very cautious for on more than one occasion, sorcery had proven to overcome his own combat skills and that certainly concerned him. Arthur slowed his horse, trusting his instincts which were telling him that it was not a stray animal who was making that noise. "I demand that you show yourself," he added, keeping his voice stern, as he wondered who would be out at this hour, wandering around the forests . . . other than himself of course.
Setting: Woods of Camelot Time of Day: Around 4:00 am Timeline: Very shortly after the second season finale Tag: Lancelot
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2010 18:48:07 GMT -5
Lancelot had had no idea that his path was taking him as close to Camelot as it now appeared. He had been traveling through various parts of Wessex, basically serving as a fighting man in service to several Earls and Barons, in particular, the Earl of Huntingdon, who were seeking protection against raiding parties of Norse from northern region as well as rival Saxons. Lancelot had several advantages. First, he had a horse .... well actually .... he had acquired a new horse in trade for his previous horse and in trade for his service. he was told that the horse was an Arabian .... whatever that meant he had thought at the time, and its name was Sher-fore. He had found that its advantage was it could accelerate to great speed, more than any other horse, and he was jet black, making him almost invisible at night.
His skills were also an advantage. More or less he was self-taught when it came to swordplay and work with the Lance. He thought that he was superior to anyone he had ever encountered when it came to the sword, except Arthur of course. Lancelot still longed for the day when he could ride side-by-side with Arthur and the knights of Camelot. However, he realized that that day was likely still far off. He had also been somewhat skilled with the lance, but his time and work with other knights had improved himself in that area of combat, although he had done well against the Griffin. Speaking of the Griffin he wondered how Merlin was doing, and if his secret was .... well .... still a secret. He also wondered whether Uther would ever agree to him being a knight. Lancelot actually was a knight ........ just not a knight of Camelot ..... only the king could confer that upon him .... but of course he would never make a statement about his situation ..... to say such a thing out loud .... it wouldn't be the honourable thing to say or do.
Lancelot was actually on his way southwest, looking for additional work, but this time with the Britons, many of which were looking to be defended from some of the same Saxons that Lance had been defending from the northern Norsemen. he shook his head, "Life is indeed strange .... who you fight ... who you fight for. Speaking of which .... I wonder how Gwen is," he said smiling to himself. Deciding that his horse needed a drink, he stopped Sher-fore, and hopped down. Something about this area reminded him of something .... or someone. "That's it .... Merlin .... this is close to the spot where I first ran into Merlin .... and the Griffin. I wonder if Merlin ever comes back here .... I wonder if I'll ever see any of them again," he said with a shrug. and a long sigh.
Lancelot, riding on his steed, suddenly broke out of a thicket, his horse's last step snapping a fairly significant ranch as they broke through into the open, the sound crackling through the air. Lance saw a figure from the rear, that seemed somehow, familiar. And then he heard the voice: "Who goes there?" Immediately Lance recognized the voice as the only one it could be, Arthur. He had not seemed to have changed much in the months he had been gone, either in his physical presence, or in his attitude. Lancelot was also unable to see his sword-hand, and he assumed where it was, and what it was holding. He saw Arthur turn his horse slowly toward him, and Lance endeavored to one as non-threatening as possible.
For a moment he even considered retreating back into the forest, but knowing Arthur, he assumed he would just make chase. "I demand that you show yourself," Arthur commanded. Sir Lancelot chuckled softly to himself with the forward arrogance of the nobleman, as if he owned the road to such an extent that he was the only one who could travel it. "I am not hiding, my prince and liege. I would have hoped that, just being out of your presence these many months, that you would not have failed to recognize me as a friend, your highness" he said smiling tentatively, not knowing, in truth, what Arthur's reaction would be to his sudden appearance after all of this time.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on May 7, 2010 10:07:45 GMT -5
Arthur had dismounted from his horse and pulled out his sword from its holder. He was prepared . . . for whoever or whatever he was about to see. His caution declined though when he saw a very familiar face. He looked at him, immediately lowering the sword. "Lancelot," he greeted, his voice holding a tone of surprise and relief . . . sort of. He put the sword back in its holder on his side. "I would never forget a friend," he continued. Lancelot? Back here in Camelot? This was interesting indeed. Arthur had mixed thoughts and feelings on this. On the one hand, Lancelot was an exceptional fighter. He was definitely the best Arthur had ever seen, and Camelot would be lucky to have him as a knight to serve this kingdom. In fact, if he remembered correctly, he even tried to get his father to reinstate him. With him being the one to kill the Griffin . . . Uther surely had to reconsider. If they were given the time, maybe he would have.
On the other hand . . . there was the matter of Gwen. Arthur knew when he saw them together, that there was something between them, and that concerned Arthur. Was that why he was back in Camelot? He knew that it would be much easier for Gwen and Lancelot to be together rather than a prince and maid . . . but still. It did not diminish any of his feelings for her. He would have to find out. "What brings you back to Camelot?" He asked, his demanding tone softening and now asking out of genuine curiousity. "After your sudden and unexplained previous departure last we met, we were not sure when to expect to see you again." This was a surprise . . . certainly a surprise indeed.
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2010 11:51:46 GMT -5
The way that Arthur had reacted, initially, he was concerned. Did Arthur, not remember him, and if he did, was it as a friend, or a subject, a rival, or something even worse? Lance noted to his worry that the sword-hand that had been hidden was hidden no more. At least he could tell by the sound of metal on scabbard that the Prince had grabbed the hilt of his sword, and was obviously ready to take aggressive action. Lancelot began to turn his Arabian, Sher-fore, so that he would present the least attack-able target, while taking pains not to address either of his long-swords that stuck out from behind his neck.
Finally, though, he saw a look of recognition in Arthur's clear blue eyes. "Yes .... your highness .... it is Lancelot." Fortunately, at least in Lance's mind, came the prince's next words. "I am pleased and honored, my lord, that you call me friend. Our two partings were, at best, somewhat unusual." Though their exchange was less awkward now that Arthur knew who he was, Lancelot still felt a strange uneasiness in the air between them. "I would always consider you a friend, and of course more, my lord Prince." The uneasiness that Lancelot felt was further accentuated by the long pause in their conversation. "And how is your father, King Uther? I assume that he is well. And where is Merlin? It seems a rare occurrence to see you without your trusty manservant."
Lancelot was well aware, of course, of Merlin's magical abilities. He had always assumed that he used them to watch over and protect the Prince, but for what reason Merlin did this, Lancelot could only guess. He assumed it was out of the desire for Merlin to do good, but he had wondered if there was another reason. And as much as Lance asked about Uther and Merlin, he avoided the topic of Gwen as if she did not exist. It was the reason that Lancelot had desired to avoid Camelot completely. It was too painful, still, for him to even think of her, let alone talk of her.
Of course he thought back to the brief hours that he had been a knight of Camelot as the most blissful that he could remember, almost as much as the short time he had been with Gwen, right after Arthur and Merlin had rescued them. He should have known right away, when Merlin had said that they had come alone, that the Prince had come because of the way he felt about her. Lancelot figured that as long she was there, and with Arthur, Camelot was a place he should never go. Could it be possible that the Prince and Gwen were no longer together. How could he ask such a question, tactfully?
Before he could think of a way to ask such a question, Prince Arthur had a question of his own. "What brings you back to Camelot? After your sudden and unexplained previous departure last we met, we were not sure when to expect to see you again." So ..... the Prince's mind was on the same issues as his own, Lancelot thought to himself. Lancelot thought for several seconds how he should answer. But he had said we hadn't he? And although it could be taken in a variety of ways, he decided that we meant Gwen and Arthur, and that's how Lance decided to play the delicate issue.
"Well, Prince Arthur, we aren't exactly in Camelot. I really had no intention to stop by, not being invited, and not knowing whether the King would ever welcome my presence. I have been serving as a knight for the Earl of Huntingdon in the Far North. I had decided to see if there were nobles in southern Briton who might find my skills useful. The truth is that I have been considering leaving my present livelihood, and go back to what I was originally trained for. My last departure?"
Lancelot looked down at the ground, choosing his words quite carefully. "I vowed that I would not allow myself or my feelings to come between you and Gwen. In that case, my feelings did not matter. As far as I was concerned, I have always been a Knight of Camelot, and i could never do such a thing to you. So, I thought it was best that I just disappear. But what about you? Why are you out on such a lonely stretch of forest, alone, so early in the morning, and without your manservant. Are you off on a hunt," he asked, trying to change the subject into hopefully more pleasant matters.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on May 7, 2010 12:43:15 GMT -5
Polite. Courteous. Then again, after having met Lancelot a couple times before, it did not surprise Arthur that he was this polite. It made it hard to hate the man . . . not that Arthur did, nor did he wish him ill will, but he still could not help but feel jealous at the intimacy that he and Gwen had shared. "You are and always will be a friend of mine, and Camelot's," he assured him, knowing that his sacrificial actions to protect the kingdom would never go unnoticed or not reminded. "My father is well. Recent events have left the city in a bit of a destructed state, but reparations are being made and should be completed soon."
They were still suffering from a bit of the aftermath of that blasted dragon . . . all the more reason Arthur had needed some time away. Arthur slightly smirked at the mention of Merlin's name. "I do believe this is the first time he hasn't been with me . . . a rarity indeed," he said, thinking about how dependent he was on Merlin. "I decided to give him some sleep, for he is going to need as much energy as possible to complete the tasks I have listed for him," he added, smiling at the thought of Merlin's face to wake up to the news that he had to muck out his stable.
Arthur's smiled faded, as he intently listened to how Lancelot had been spending the last few months. "You never need a invitation. We would be glad to have you in Camelot, as your heroic efforts in the past will always merit you an automatic invitation. And even the King can not ignore the past. After all the threats that have befallen the kingdom, a man of your values and morals would be . . . refreshing." He paused for a moment before continuing. "The Earl of Huntington is a lucky man then. I am certain that their army has at least doubled in strength once you joined. Though I have to say that Camelot's army would be fortunate to have you a part of it." Arthur wasn't sure how he felt about this, mainly due to selfish purposes and as if he had read his mind . . . . Gwen's name was brought up in the conversation.
Arthur was shocked to hear why he had left. He did not want to come in between them? That was so . . . so . . . noble! Noble indeed! Instead of Arthur feeling reassured by this, he felt even more jealous. No wonder Gwen had fallen for him. Arthur was not sure he had ever met someone so . . . . selfless. He didn't know what to say. What could he possibly say? If he was as selfless as Lancelot, he would be saying that he should come and take Gwen to ride off into the sunset, but how could he, when he himself felt so strongly about her? What an peculiar and frustrating situation. Arthur had to pull himself together. A prince did not stutter or sound flustered. He cleared his throat, and forced himself to carry a steady voice, slightly raising his head and straightening his posture.
"I did not know that was the reason you had left." Wait, this also meant that he knew about his feelings for Gwen . . . had Merlin told Lancelot?! If he had . . . mucking out his stables was not going to be the only thing that idiotic servant did! "I must ask . . . did Merlin tell you?" He had to know. Arthur was do distracted by this revelation, that he had practically ignored Lancelot's question, though he would have found relief in a change of topic. He was just so surprised, that he could not even find the words to describe this, or even more generally, had no idea what to say as the news was still sinking in. Yes he had thought it weird for Lancelot to have left so quickly, especially when he saw how much he cared for her . . . but he had left . . . for them?!
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2010 3:33:00 GMT -5
Given the way that Arthur had initially reacted, so defensively, Lancelot figured that the best course, the only course, was to show the Prince the respect that he was entitled. It was also best to be as truthful as possible. He knew, though, that even though honesty was the best policy, too much truth, at one time, could be brutal. He was not sure that their relationship could take too much truth, especially here at their reunion. He was also sure, in his heart, that he could reveal everything that he felt, about the relationship between the three of them.
"That is a high honor, indeed, my Prince. I was not sure, especially before my final encounter with the Griffin, where there would be any room in your heart for friendship with me, after my deceit, especially with you being a noble and myself not. However, I heard how you defended me before your father, and I understood that our friendship meant much to you .... that you realized how much I would risk for you and Camelot. Regretfully, you can only speak for yourself and not for Camelot. Only King Uther can do that, and I'm not sure he will ever think that a non-noble such as myself, can ever adequately prove themselves."
Lancelot listened to Arthur's report on King Uther, and realized that it was both positive and negative. It was positive in that it sounded as if the king was hale and healthy, but that also would mean that Lancelot's situation would likely remain unchanged in the king's eyes. What recent events, though, was he speaking of. "Excuse my lack of knowledge, Arthur, but what events do you speak of? It is, of course good to hear that King Uther is well and that the city is being repaired. Was Merlin, Morgana, and ..... Gwen well? Were they unharmed?"
Lancelot was happy to see that when Merlin's name was mentioned the old familiar smirk returned to the Prince's face. Even though Lancelot was making an effort to remain sober-faced for Arthur, the Prince's remark brought a smile to his face. "Yes ... it does seem strange to see you without seeing him, although the first time i met him he was alone, when I saved him from the Griffin. And of course, the night you went out to face the Griffin, you faced him with your Knights, but without Merlin." Lancelot could just imagine the work that Arthur had lined up for him. Lancelot himself remembered his initial duties when he was training to be a knight, where he was required to muck out the stables.
As Lancelot gave his detailed description of what he had been doing since he had last left them he saw how Arthur's expression changed, and he listened closely to the Prince's reply. "I am afraid your highness, that my last exchange with the king indicated that I was not welcomed with open arms, and he was not really willing to categorize any of of my actions as heroic, at least not until I offered to take my leave. So ..... I would hardly call it an automatic invitation, at first glance."
At Arthur's next words of compliment, Sir Lancelot blushed and looked down at the ground. "I am not sure that I am deserving of such praise, and perhaps think that you overestimate my abilities somewhat. i would be greatly honored to be included, at some point,in some capacity. with your knights. However, I'm not sure that King Uther would agree. And if he was unwilling to give me his unwavering blessing, many of your knights might lack the necessary confidence in me that might be required."
Once Gwen's name was brought up, though, the tenor of the conversation changed once more. Although their previous conversation had been challenging, it was not nearly as awkward and difficult as talking about her, especially with Arthur, particularly with how Lancelot knew he felt, and that he believed Arthur felt. He knew, for the sake of their friendship, that he could not be truthful, that he might have to lie outright. He knew that if Arthur did not believe him, that their relationship as friends, might be at an end. He endeavored therefore to treat the subject very carefully.
Lancelot had dismounted his horse to stand before the Prince, his hands folded behind his back. He had scene the look on his face, and had heard him clear his throat, understanding quite clearly Arthur's difficulty with the subject, but understanding his need to do so. However, he could not look him in the eye and maintain his composure and perhaps bend the truth at the same time. "Yes, my Prince, that was the reason that I left. Once I knew how you felt about her, how you likely felt about each other, any other action would have been a betrayal, especially since i did not feel about her as she felt about me. It is true, though, that she had a significant effect upon me, but I could not give her the love that she wanted and deserved."
Lancelot did not know how or whether Arthur would accept this basic untruth, but he did respond with another question, and it seemed to come out of Arthur's mouth almost as a reflex action: "I must ask . . . did Merlin tell you?" Lancelot paused for several moments. He knew that by Arthur's question that he had told Merlin of the Prince's feelings for Gwen. He also assumed that he had told Merlin what would happen to him if he told. Lancelot was well aware of how Arthur would react.
"The truth is Arthur, that I knew quickly. I just didn't want to accept it. I saw the look on your face as she held my hand as we escaped the castle. I was amazed that you would come to rescue a castle servant by yourself, with no knights to assist. I could see, in our camp, how she looked at me, and how you looked at her while she was doing that. I saw the look of disgust on your face as you went to sleep and i went on the first watch. It was obvious that Merlin wanted to see me. He did not offer me any information, but I asked point-blank whether you had feelings for Gwen. He simply said nothing and looked down at the ground, avoiding my eyes, and I knew then, without a doubt, that you both had feelings for one another, and that I had to leave. I knew that saying good-bye would just make things more difficult. Do you understand, Prince Arthur, why I took flight to Huntington?", he asked, looking into his eyes, once more, trying his best to be deferential. "None of it was Merlin's fault."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on May 9, 2010 18:27:34 GMT -5
"I understand why you lied . . . I do not think status should define a man. Just because you were not from noble blood, does not make you any less of a knight." If Arthur could have changed the laws of knighthood, perhaps he would. Who knows . . . at this point, he had no authority to change anything. His father was ultimately the one who decided things, and this was why Arthur knew that Lancelot spoke the truth. "I may not hold as much authority as he does, but deep down, I knows he believes that you are a man worthy to be a knight, and that you did save Camelot from the beast. Do not have such little faith in yourself Lancelot . . . stranger things have happened." Arthur did not know whether Lancelot would ever be a knight or not . . . but he definitely had the skill and heart to be one.
The next subject was one that pained Arthur, especially when Morgana's well being was being questioned. "Camelot was under attack by the black dragon. The threat has been eliminated but with a number of causalities. However the king . . . Merlin . . . " He paused for a brief moment. "Guinevère . . . they are all safe and well." Once again he paused, as the mention of Morgana only reminded him of his massive failure to protect her. He should have not let Morgause take her like that. And if she was hurt in any way, he would never forgive himself. "Morgana is . . . she was taken from the Castle, and her where abouts are currently unknown." Arthur needed to find her, he needed to bring her back safely. Suddenly, a small ray of hope rose in him. "You have not happened to hear anything about where she may be, have you?" It was definitely a long shot, but it was certainly worth questioning.
At least the topic of Merlin was less intense. "Everyone has been rather exhausted, I feel that even Merlin requires some rest. Seems odd though, not to have him straggling behind." It was practically second nature to ridicule Merlin, even when he was not there to listen. But deep down, he was indeed Arthur's close friend, though he would not quite say those exact words to him. Once again to remark about Uther could not be ignored. He knew his father to hold a grudge, even if the other person had done a great deal to redeem themselves. But Arthur also knew that his words to his father did not always fall on deaf ears . . . and that he could have a little influence, even if it was not much. "I will do what I can, to make you feel comfortable in entering Camelot, and that the King be not the reason you hesitate to come. I do have full confidence in you Lancelot, enough to speak against my father in his decision to charge you. I have seen you fight, you are practically a match for me," he added. "For if I recall, you did manage to pass all the necessary tests to be qualified as a knight."
Arthur watched Lancelot carefully as he got off his horse, and listened to each word he said even more carefully. He . . . did not feel the same way? But how? He had seen it. They did not even need to say anything to one another for it to be obvious . . . which made Arthur realize that perhaps he had not been as subtle as he thought. He stayed silent after Lancelot explained his reason for fleeing. He looked down at the ground, trying to collect his thoughts which were flooding his mind. He continued to look down at the ground in front of him, folding his arms across his chest. "I saw the way you looked at her, much like the way you saw me. I saw how upset she was by your departure."
Even though seeing her cry for another man was something that Arthur wished he never had to see, he could not deny it, and he had to accept it for he saw it with his own eyes. "You too risked a great deal to rescue her Lancelot. I can not understand how you would have done so had you not shared the same . . . feelings for her." Arthur could not believe he was standing here, having this conversation with him. He tried to avoid the topic of Gwen -- especially when Merlin constantly tried to bring it up -- but these were things he had to know. No matter how hard it was to hear. Arthur raised his head so that his gaze rested on the man in front of him. "She and I can never be." Arthur was not sure he entirely believed that. He had to hold on to some degree of hope. "And I want her to be happy. She deserves at least that, and if I can not provide her with such happiness . . . " Arthur hated saying this. He knew he would regret it, but he also knew he could not expect Guinevère to wait for an undefined period of time for him. "Swear to me that you did not leave because of me, and I will accept that. But if you did, then you must return to Camelot and see her." Arthur wanted to be selfish and tell Lancelot to stay away forever . . . but he couldn't be. Not when Gwen's emotions were at stake, and perhaps she cared for Lancelot more than she cared for him.
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2010 21:17:33 GMT -5
Lancelot listened to his words, and really it was difficult to believe that it was Arthur who was saying them. Lancelot respected him as a man, as a fighter, and yes as a friend. While it was true that he had always dreamed of being a Knight of Camelot, it almost meant as much to be fighting by his side. "The truth is, Prince Arthur, that originally, when I was told of the Code, that I thought it was all over ..... my dreams ...... everything ..... everything that had guided me since the destruction of my family. I allowed myself to be convinced that this was a small untruth, an unimportant one. I was led to believe that this would just get my foot in the door. That whether I was worthy and skilled enough to a knight would be found in my performance on the training field."
He listened to the Prince's words about his authority and his influence over his father. "What I said when I left the first time was true. I did not want to come in-between you and your father. Yes .... yes ..... I believe he was wrong in his decision about me ...... and I left because of it ..... but he could have clapped me back into the dungeon, but he didn't. He let me go to try and prove myself. I know he is a good and decent king ..... that has never been a question ..... but he's not perfect ..... I'm not perfect ...... nobody is. he is what he is and his decisions carry the weight of the King." Lancelot paused to consider Arthur's word some more. "I hope that he knows that, your highness. A man can have no more faith in himself than those around him show in him. It is not a question of my faith. I know you do ..... but what good is it unless he does as well?"
Quickly it seemed, Lancelot did not know if it was too quick of a transition, Arthur seemed to pivot to another subject. At first, Lancelot did not understand what it related to, but then it became obvious ..... the destruction in Camelot ..... a Black Dragon? Thankfully the danger had passed successfully. That was a relief. He had asked Arthur about the well-being of those he had known or been close to. He noticed that Arthur mentioned the name of everyone, even, he could tell, of Gwen, which he could tell by the stress in Arthur's voice, he almost had to spit it out. "But what of Morgana?," suddenly a rumor ..... perhaps more than a rumor gnawed at Lance's memory from his travels of the last day.
"Morgana is . . . she was taken from the Castle, and her whereabouts are currently unknown." How could this have been allowed to happen! "No, tell me its not true, my Prince. How were they able to do it? Hmmmmm ...... I wonder." Lancelot did not get an immediate response from the Prince, but another question, "You have not happened to hear anything about where she may be, have you?"
"I can not absolutely verify it, your highness, but when I was passing through the Forest of Balor, as I was attempting to by-pass Camelot on my way south, I heard stories of a young maiden who had been taken by a band from Camelot to the old Druid fortress deep in the forest. I don't know who else it could be but her. Is that why you are out here so early in the morning, in search of their trail? If you wish I will assist you if I can. I know in your father's mind, and in everyone else's, that I was stripped of my title as a Knight of Camelot. I am now a knight of the Earl of Huntingdon of Wessex. However, I consider myself once a Knight of Camelot, always a knight, and its my duty to assist you, even if King Uther does not recognize it."
"Yes .... yes ..... I understand. I know much about Merlin, my Prince. I know that there is a special bond between you. I have seen it when you are together. Undoubtedly he is deserving of rest, but I think you are trying to protect him as well, Arthur," he said with the slightest of smiles. "After all, he is not a knight," but he thought to himself, he is of magic. I'll bet we could use him and his skills on this trip.
"I thank you, your highness, for interceding on my behalf, again, with your father. However, what makes you think it will do any more good than it did the last time. I am not belittling your effort, just wondering. However, its a far cry from allowing me into the Knights and not allowing me into Camelot, eh" he smiled. "What gives you such confidence in me, sir. I don't know what to say. I would never make the comparison between the two of us in skill ..... after all ..... you are Arthur."
He now could feel the tension in the air begin to rise. He had the feeling that they might be about to discuss the topic that Lancelot wanted to stay away from. Prince Arthur spoke again, this time about Gwen, the subject that indeed did fear the most. "It .... it was necessary. She is deserving of the best ..... and that was not ..... is not me. It is and always will be ..... you .... Prince Arthur. I am not as worthy as a noble, as a Prince."
He looked up to stare at his Prince and his friend .... at least he hoped he was his friend ..... straight in the eyes. "Yes .... yes ..... she was well worth risking all for. Just because I have feelings for her does not mean that I am the one that she deserves to have. Ugh!! This is so difficult. Why do you have to make this so difficult and hard for me, my lord." Lancelot shook his head in the negative. "No ... no ... she perfectly complements you and your nobility. She gives you a connection to all of the people. that is her strength for you, as a prince, someday to be king, and as a man. Yes ... yes .... we both want the best for her ..... I think ....don't we?"
Lancelot went on to listen to the rest of what the Prince had to say, but it was so difficult. "Swear to me that you did not leave because of me, and I will accept that. But if you did, then you must return to Camelot and see her." Lancelot buckled ...... that was the one thing he did not want to do because he was weak when it came to her. "I left because of the both of you, but if you insist .... I will return ...... and accept whatever happens, from your father and from Gwen. But I still think that it is you she was meant for, and not me, and you will be hard-pressed to convince me otherwise. But first, there is Morgana."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on May 9, 2010 22:57:39 GMT -5
Arthur's mind continued to wander back to when he had first scene him fight . . . his reflexes, his instincts, they were straight on. They were what he tried to teach his knights, but not all of them mastered it as perfectly as Lancelot had. "Your worthiness to be a knight was reflected in your combat skills, just as much as it was reflected in your loyalty and honor which only actions can demonstrate. We all witnessed that first hand . . . including me, and it was what made me so determined to convince my father to reinstate you." Once again Lancelot continued to express his understanding, and support in the King's decisions. Of course, several people did not agree with Uther . . . including Arthur, but he was the highest ranked in the kingdom; the one responsible for everything, and any word against him would be treason. But even know, Arthur -- though not intending to bad mouth his father behind his back, for he still loved him as both a father and king -- could not say that he supported his father's decision.
"After what you did, I most certainly would not have let you spend another night in the dungeon." Even if his father had sent him there, it wouldn't have been the first time that Arthur helped someone escape, with or without Uther's permission. "Then may Camelot be open to you, to change the king's mind and impression about you. To allow him to see what I see, which is a great knight, a man worthy of nobility though his blood line did not deem him so, his actions did." Arthur paused for a moment, slightly smiling. "Trust me, you are not the first to come between my father and I. Though we vary in opinions, we manage to . . . compromise." That term was used a little loosely, since it was more like, going behind one another's backs, but oh well. "Besides, your devotion to the King, despite his decisions that negatively effected you, just proves that you are a worthy subject. Others have not taken his punishments and rejections so well." There had been numerous assassination attempts on Uther, mostly from disgruntled sorcerers and what not, so at least Lancelot was not at risk to be one of those people . . . or so Arthur believed, and he tended to trust his instincts.
How were they able to do it. Arthur had been asking himself this very question since the moment she disappeared. He had no answer. He had no justification for having let something like this take place. "It is my fault for I failed to protect her. It was powerful sorcery that played a part in her disappearance as well. I pray she is still alive, and will not fully rest until I have found her and have safely brought her back to Camelot." He vowed to do that. And he was going to. He was not going to let her just be out there somewhere . . . possibly in danger . . . possibly hurt.
And that small glimmer of hope . . . Arthur became eager to hear the rest of what information Lancelot had to offer. Rumors! Arthur would follow these rumors to the other end of the world if that meant any small chance of finding Morgana. "You have given me more than I could ever ask for Lancelot," he told him, completely sincere in his words. "My motive for riding this morning was not to issue a search for Morgana, but with this information you have given me, I can not turn away from the possibility of finding her. While I truly appreciate your offer, I can not ask you to endanger your life for this. I am not sure of the dangers that lie ahead, as sorcery proves over and over again to be unpredictable." He did not want to be responsible for another's death . . . especially someone like Lancelot. "You may be a knight of Camelot, as I would call you one with honor, but I can not ask this of you."
Arthur was once again caught. He officially believed that the harder he tried to conceal something, the more obvious it was to another. "Well . . . I suppose." He was trying to shrug it off as if it were no big deal, but yes, Arthur would do whatever it took to save Merlin if his friend was in danger at all. "He is a loyal subject, and a good servant. I'm not sure I've ever had such a servant who could wash my clothes so meticulously as he does." He was clearly trying to minimize his loyalty to a servant. It was comments like these that some believed Arthur was arrogant and pompous.
"Sometimes, my father just needs convincing. He needs to hear reason, he will acknowledge you . . . at some level. It may not be easy, I will not deny that, but it will be worth the efforts, that I am certain of." He was Arthur. Arthur. The name itself held so much pressure and had such a reputation. Arthur knew he had to live up to it for he had no other choice . . . but he wanted people to understand him, rather than put him on a pedestal and expect the best from him . . . as his father tended to do at times. "You did manage to defeat the Griffin where I failed. Your skills are undeniable. I may be Arthur but I too am just a man." He may portray a cocky and arrogant persona but deep down, he did have his own insecurities about his capabilities. Perhaps not as a warrior, but more so, as a future king.
Lancelot's explanation of why he was not worthy of Gwen, frustrated Arthur. His title. His status. Damn statuses! Damn class differences! It was precisely what the barrier was between him and Gwen in the first place. Arthur looked to the side, trying not to curse. "My title only grants me difficulties and complications in this situation, and for that reason, I wish I did not hold it under these circumstances." Was Arthur really the best? Yes, he loved her more than anyone else possibly could . . . but whether she preferred this man in front of him, that was something he could not determine unless that ultimatum was presented to her, and he did not want to put her in a difficult position . . . though ironically, he had already done that. "A noble title means nothing as far as this is concerned." Sometimes, Arthur hated special treatment . . . just as he had during the jousting competition. Though of course, he was used to this special treatment, though at times, it truly did irritate him for it made him question his abilities, and he hated that.
Lancelot's questions regarding the difficulty of this . . . Arthur had no answer. He was still waiting for him to respond to his question, to his remarks. "Damn my nobility!" He said, only slightly raising his voice, though it held a stern tone. "This is not about my nobility. Imagine me not a Prince. Imagine me as a commoner, as a man who shares the affections of the same woman as you do. What then would you do? What then would you say?" He did not want anyone to think that the only reason he was good for Gwen, was because he was Prince, and everyone had to bow down to his commands. He did not want that . . . he wanted honesty, not fear of treason, and not an automatic loyalty.
"I do not want everyone to assume that I should get what I desire because of my status. I want it to be earned Lancelot. Gwen and I . . . it is currently an impossibility. But for you . . . for her . . . " Arthur absolutely hated saying this. "It is not. I can not ask her to wait. I will not ask her to endure that. But I must know that if she is to be with someone else, then it is someone deserving of her." Arthur could not believe he was actually saying this. The thought of letting her go . . . was too painful, but it was also painful to think about how slim the possibility was right now, that they could actually be together.
Morgana. The mention of her name again made him feel guilty for standing here, while they could be on their way to find her. "As I said before, I will not ask you to join me in my journey. I am eternally grateful for the lead you have given me."
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2010 12:10:16 GMT -5
Lancelot thought to himself that it was quite curious how their lives had become so intertwined, and here he had been gone nearly a year, and it was still the case, even with his absence. he had been able to think of nothing else than becoming a Knight of Camelot for so long, and serving with the great Arthur as his leader. the first time Merlin had spoken of knowing Arthur Lancelot had been in awe. And when he finally met him it seemed that he had forgotten all of his years of training. He had thought that Arthur must have thought him a clod with no skills. But he had advanced rapidly through his training, and at least for a short time, been knighted by King Uther. It was amazing to him to hear Arthur rave about his skills, as it had been to hear Arthur through the closed Great Hall doors pleading for his reinstatement. "i know that you went the extra mile for me, your highness, both in releasing me from the dungeon and for trying to influence your father. I know that you told me when you released me that, if nothing else, I fight like a knight. I did not know that i exhibited all of those other qualities in your eyes. You do me the greatest honor," he said, nodding his head in deference.
"I did what honor and duty told me to do, Prince Arthur. I could not let my leader or my friend go out and face that thing alone. When i arrived, you and most of your knights were down or scattered. I had no choice but to face it down and defeat it, or die in the process. As far as being put in the dungeon the first time, it was a punishment that I deserved for the deceit that was done. However, I have to say that I just did it because I wanted to serve." Lancelot had thought that the Prince had said enough, and had done enough in the past, surely. Besides, it was possible that he had known about Gwen's affections for him. Lancelot had seen the look in his eye when Gwen had held his hand as they were escaping. It would be natural for him to look at Lancelot not as a friend, but as a rival. "Why would you go to the King .... your father ..... on my behalf .....again? What is it that you see in me that others do not, while the major thing that we have in common, is Gwen? Yes .... I am loyal to the king and to you. I would not have labored and been knighted, if I was not. But is it in your best interests, just to let me go, after we have rescued Morgana. And do not think you are going after her alone. Don't order me not to, either. I'm not yet one of your knight, and besides you know I would disobey you," he looked up with a mischievous smile.
Lancelot shook his head as Prince Arthur tried to take the blame for the loss of Lady Morgana to those who had taken her. Why did he always try to take on all of the responsibility. Lancelot knew it came part and parcel with being Uther's son, heir to the throne. "No, you were not alone at the castle, were you. I know that you lead the Knights and the forces that defend, and that makes you a responsible party, but you can't be everyplace at once. If it was a victory you would share the glory, at least some of it," he smiled once more. "You have to share some of the failures as well. Besides, that's not important now. Taking the blame won't change anything ..... won't bring her back. You have to focus on a plan and a strategy for doing just that," Lancelot emphasized. "Sorcery? How can you be so sure?," he said, as he once more thought about Merlin and how useful he could be in the effort to retrieve her. But how could he participate without tipping off Arthur about his magical skills?
Lancelot looked at Arthur incredulously. He didn't actually think he was going to try this without his or Merlin's help, did he. "Unfortunately, I don't have much more information, other than a general knowledge of the lay of the land. But, let me make one think quite clear your highness. You didn't order me to go, you didn't ask me to go, but I'm going. And when Merlin finds out that you left him out of this, he'll be none too pleased. i would even hazard a guess that once he finds out you've left without him, he'll be hot on your trail, because that's what Merlin does, and you know it."
It was unbelievable sometimes the way that Arthur could act. He did his best not too offer to many accolades, while he had just piled them on Lancelot. Lancelot,on the other hand, knew exactly what Merlin could do, and he knew the actual truth about the Griffin. Yes, he had charged it, with all the bravery and skill that he had, but with Merlin's enchantments he would have been as dead as many others who had tried and failed. "Yes, your highness, at some point the King may see the common sense of it all. He may end up agreeing with you to keep the peace between you. Still, I will have to prove myself to him in some way .... to him personally ..... I know this. But that will take care of itself after the task that lies before us. Yes ..... it is dangerous ..... perhaps even deadly ...... but it is something that we both know must be done and will likely take more than one to do it."
Lancelot could tell that his words with Arthur, at least when they pertained to Gwen did not have much effect. He could tell be the way that the Prince wagged his head in a negative manner. Why couldn't he just take Gwen as his own and leave it at that. She would make the finest of queens. Lancelot knew this and had accepted it, even though it felt like a sword was being thrust through his heart. He could sacrifice for others. He could not hurt either Arthur or Gwen. Arthur might not know it .... but that would kill Lancelot and his spirit more than anything. He was not sure the Arthur would understand that or could.
Lancelot's questions regarding the difficulty of this . . . Arthur had no answer. He was still waiting for him to respond to his question, to his remarks. "Damn my nobility ..... This is not about my nobility. Imagine me not a Prince. Imagine me as a commoner, as a man who shares the affections of the same woman as you do. What then would you do? What then would you say?" Lancelot endeavored to answer it as simply as he could, "It is not the noble title that matters here, my lord, it is the man who stands behind it," Lancelot said looking directly into Arthur's eyes.
"I do not assume anything like that with you Arthur. If I could win her by fighting you to the death, what would it gain me. Killing my friend and sovereign would kill me and kill her in the process. I will not put everything at risk for that. If you truly love her, prince, nothing is a true impossibility. You deserve her and she deserves the best. The question is ...... have you asked her at all?" The attention shifted back to Morgana, as Lancelot waited on the answer to his question. "Then my Prince, don't worry about asking, let's start on our quest. I'm sure Merlin will catch up soon enough," he smiled once more with a nod, and he re-mounted his horse, repositioning his swords and shield, so that he was ready.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on May 10, 2010 21:44:28 GMT -5
"You did have a choice Lancelot. When we were weak, you had no formal obligation to aid us . . . especially after we turned you away. Which is why your actions were noble and why I had no trouble vouching for you. If I lacked any faith in you, I would not have released you from the dungeon in the first place." It also didn't hurt that Merlin seemed to befriend him, and if Merlin trusted him . . . well, Arthur trusted Merlin. "I have truly never met another so eager to serve in Camelot's army . . . none who would have gone through all the trouble you had." That was what really impressed Arthur . . . and it would never cease to impress him, especially now when he was willing to join him on this search for Morgana.
Why would you go to the King .... your father ..... on my behalf .....again? What is it that you see in me that others do not. Arthur thought about this question. "I just, never met someone quite like you, that is all. It was like Merlin when I first met him . . . there was something about him, something that stood out from the ordinary, and it got my attention. You actions, your character, that is enough to grasp my attention for it is a rarity these days." Yes, there were loyal servants to Camelot, but there were also very selfish people, consumed with greed and the desire for wealth and power. "I would gladly go to him again if it meant allowing you to serve on the army, for I do believe we could use more knights like you."
Arthur looked at him as he vocalized his determination to go with him, followed by the reassurance that Morgana's abduction was not his fault. "In a way . . . I was alone, and she is and always will be my responsibility." Arthur could not dwell on it right now, for Lancelot was right . . . it would not bring her back. "My father blames himself too, which is another guilt I can not stand by and allow." Arthur truly wished he had a plan, and that he could take a full army to the end of the earth to look for her . . . but he didn't, and he couldn't. "It was indeed sorcery. The magic that consumed the Kingdom . . . everyone in Camelot was put in a deep slumber, putting them in a weak and vulnerable state so that a sorceress could attack and assassinate the king. The only reason Merlin and I were conscious was because we had not been in the Castle at this time . . . and Morgana had taken some sort of potion prescribed by Gaius." If only they could have determined what it was that she drank . . . it would have made him better able to protect her.
He paused for a moment. "I want to order you to not come, with the hope that you will not disobey me." He knew he would, and Arthur would obviously not imprison him . . . he did not care that much about disobedience under these circumstances, though he was concerned about the risks involved in this journey. "But I know I can not do that. All I can plea to you, not to come. I'm sure your path rests elsewhere." It was not as though he doubted Lancelot's capabilities to protect himself . . . he just could not endure having that blood on his hands, for if something were to happen to him . . . he would blame himself and the thought of Guinevère never forgiving him for it, was something else he could not bare to think about.
Merlin. That was another issue. No matter how many times Arthur ordered him to stay behind, he never listened . . . which was probably a good thing because he had helped him on more than one occasion. He knew that at times, it was not fair to ask Merlin to join him . . . especially since he had very limited combat skills. "Merlin will be safer at that castle. He should not be punished for my failure, and neither should you. I can deal with a displeased Merlin . . . which means I should leave soon for I do not want him to follow. As far as he knows, I'm sleeping in my chambers and that is the way it should stay until he knows for certain otherwise." Arthur just hoped he didn't find out soon enough for him to catch up. "Perhaps you wish to further prove yourself to him, and I can understand that . . . but this is not your battle Lancelot. You should not have to suffer the consequences of something I permit to happen." Could Arthur use Lancelot's wisdom and skill on this journey? Absolutely! Without a doubt! But, Arthur's morals were forcing him to reject his company.
Arthur continued to listen to him justifying his love for Gwen. Arthur did not have this kind of conversation often, since very limited people knew . . . so it was interesting to hear that Lancelot -- of all people -- was encouraging him, and yet, he could not be selfish enough to just accept it. "Currently, it is an impossibility. Arthur could not even imagine his father's reaction. Maybe he would laugh and think it was a joke . . . maybe he would be infuriated and take it out on Gwen. He had after all done so with Lady Sophia . . . oh dear. That was a risk that Arthur was not willing to take . . . he would never endanger Gwen's life like that. He would die first. "We have . . . briefly discussed it. It is not an easy subject to bring about, and with everything going on right now . . . I do not want to further burden her." Yes, they had their moments, but that only made the truth even more painful.
Arthur pulled himself out of those thoughts and cleared his throat, watching Lancelot get into position. "You know, you and Merlin both share the exact same stubborn personality. Neither of you listen." He said this in more of a kidding way, rather than an angry way . . . as he was trying to let at least one aspect of their conversation, be a little light hearted. "I don't want Merlin to catch up. I do not want him a part of this right now," Arthur repeated, mounting back on to his horse.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2010 23:37:45 GMT -5
"That's all life is, Arthur, is a set of choices, even for one such as you, for who your life in many respects has been laid out for you. We are not defined by our abilities, or whether we are basically good or evil, but by your choices. i have seen men with vastly greatly talents and skills than me, but they come to nothing because of the ill choices they have made." Lancelot tried to think on what Arthur was telling him. He tried so hard these days to think before he acted, at least by a second or two. "I know that I should care for formal obligations, but my feelings of duty run far deeper than mere formalities. Did you realize, though, Arthur, that releasing me but not allow me to ride with you was even the greater punishment? I do not understand people who are not committed. If one isn't willing to go the extra mile, to go beyond endurance, was it really that important, or important enough for them in the first place?"
Lancelot had thought and pondered on Arthur's words, now, apparently, it was Arthur's turn to do the same. He listened to Arthur's response and he was not sure it rang quite true. "Surely you have met others like me,except they were nobles. People ..... men who were willing to risk all for king and kingdom. Ah yes ..... Merlin ..... he is indeed a gem of a person. I know that I saved his life when I first met him. He is a valuable man ..... I hope you realize. If I do nothing else, the saving of his life, as I protected you from the Griffin, as you were unconscious in the forest, has made my life worth something. Do you really think so Arthur? Surely other men ..... other knights are my equal in both ability and character." Lancelot, however, had seen examples of the basest forms of men, both here and in battlefields in the North. he would rather have a small group of committed fighters than some of the huge armies he had fought with. Lancelot shook his head in amazement at what Arthur was willing to do, for someone some would consider to be his rival, at least for Gwen.
As they went on, now discussing Morgana's abduction, Lancelot felt that the laying of blame whether it was on the persons of Arthur or of Arthur, was a waste of energy and time. "You can not change what happened or change what people think or who they blame. When it comes down to it you have to realize that you are not just a Prince on a throne, but a Knight on horseback and with sword, and, in the end, it is for us to act, to make things right through force of action." He listened closely to Arthur described the events that unfolded that led to the abduction. The story was an interesting one, but again, if it was used to lay blame it was pretty useless. Their task was to make things right, and all that the story about the abduction did for Lancelot, was to instruct him on what the abductors were like and what lengths they would go to succeed.
Lancelot smiled broadly at Prince Arthur's next words. "You know better than to make that order, since you know that that hope will have no basis in fact. I am glad that you are aware of that, highness, and accept it. You know that such pleas are useless Sire. I have attempted to make my path elsewhere, and I was attempting to go south to prove myself once more, but it seems fate has directed me to your assistance, and though it is really the last place I desire to show my face, back to Camelot itself, if it should be decided that I am to survive our quest to come. That outcome will not be yours to decide, but he who guides all of our actions. I think you will find, anyway, that a small party of 2 or 3, will be more effective than a large, unwieldy force." At least he hoped so.
This time Lancelot exhibited a wry smile. How was it possible that someone as intelligent as Arthur could not see that Merlin was of magic. Lancelot then reminded himself if he had not seen and heard it with his own eyes and ears he would not have believed it either. Merlin, whether, Arthur knew it or not, Lancelot thought to himself, was the Prince's indispensable man. "Yes ..... yes ..... he will be safer there. But that safety will not slow him in his pursuit of us one iota, now, will it, my Prince. He understands that his place is at your side, as mine is, and as Gwen will be ..... someday .... in a different manner than she is now." Surely Arthur understood that by now, he thought.
"As I said the first time that I left, it was never about proving myself to him, once I had proven myself to you. It was about proving myself to me. And there you are wrong, my noble friend. They are all my battles, if they are yours. As one of your Knights it is my duty to my life at risk for you and the kingdom that will be yours someday, every day. Don't you remember the very words that you used with your father that first time? You claimed I was worthy because I had laid my life down for you. Well, sir, that is not a one-time event. I'm afraid you are stuck with me for the duration, unless our relationship with Gwen ..... your relationship with Gwen .... make that unworkable. Perhaps, though, you do not ind my skills good enough to be of use on this mission. Is that the problem, my Prince?"
It amazed Lancelot how Arthur was continually trying to rationalize himself out of a relationship with Gwen ..... to provide himself with reasons why it would not work, rather than coming up with reasons to make it work. "You take it one day at a time, and thank God that you have her or have the potential to have her with you for the rest of your life. Just as the rest of us are in misery that she will not and that she cannot be there for us. That is the way of things. I accepted it long ago, as you should accept it now." he listened to Arthur go into a bit more detail. "Well good, I'm glad to see that you have discussed it with her, at least a little, and I doubt if she looks at anything dealing with you as a burden."
Arthur's last remarks brought forth a peal of laughter from Lancelot, the first real laughter he had enjoyed in months. "Yes ..... I suppose that is a trait that has always drawn me as a positive to Merlin. Your best comrades you'll find are always the stubborn ones, because they never give up on you, not ever. Very well, Arthur. Actually I think we could use him, at least for comic relief, but if you insist, let's be off."
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on May 12, 2010 18:38:40 GMT -5
Choices. Arthur was not sure if his choices deemed him to be good or evil. Surely not evil. He had seen what true evil was . . . and he knew that he would never be like that. He had seen evil in man, and evil in magic. "True," he said, slightly distracted as he thought about the past experiences he had encountering various degrees of both good and evil. "If all men who made bad choices were as skilled as you however, then I am certain my enemies would have been more formidable." There had indeed been moments where he had to fight others that were stronger -- mostly where magic was concerned -- but Arthur had earned his reputation, something he was rather proud of . . . perhaps a little too proud of.
"I released you from the dungeon because I knew your intentions were good, and that you were not a danger to Camelot . . . though it was something my father did not comprehend. I suppose I could understand that . . . though it is not a greater punishment than death." What good would anyone be if they were dead? "Some people do not see it that way. Some only do the minimum of what they are required . . . though there are in fact others who do prove to be courageous." He could not generalize all the knights into one category, though those who had proved to be overly brave, were dead. At least they died with honor though. Lancelot's next comment only encouraged Arthur to speak aloud his thoughts. "I have indeed met men with honor, but those who go beyond the call of duty . . . are now dead because of it. It is fortunate that you are not a victim of that." Arthur's mind traced back to specific examples of those who had picked up the gauntlet dropped by Tristan . . . the challenge had been presented to him, and yet the others sacrificed themselves. It was something Arthur would never forget, nor would he ever forgive himself for.
"Yes, Merlin is one of those people that if you help him . . . he will never leave you alone for it." That was Arthur's way of saying that when you befriended him, you had a friend for life. Though, Arthur did not put it so kindly or eloquently. He seldom complimented his servant, but at the same time, he knew that Merlin understood when he was eternally grateful to him . . . their actions towards one another proved their value of each other's friendships. "There may be men out there like you Lancelot . . . but I have not come across many of them." Arthur could only limit it on his own experiences and right now, Lancelot was the most skilled swordsman he had ever come across -- without the use of magic that is -- .
That was true, and Arthur knew it. It was not going to be helpless and just sit back, wallowing in guilt. He was going to find Morgana . . . he was going to take action. "I will not rest until I find her," he said, more thinking out loud and saying it to himself, then directing it towards Lancelot. It was his own vow . . . if he felt any more dramatic he would have cut his hand and vowed on his blood . . . . . but Arthur did not feel that was necessary because he spoke from an honest heart, and was a man of his word.
Arthur listened to Lancelot explain his decision to come, and his reasoning that only refrained Arthur from making any more protests. They were as useless as they were with Merlin. "Whether we find Morgana or not, you have most certainly proved yourself . . . as you had before. But anyone who helps in searching for the Lady Morgana, has Uther's utmost gratitude." Arthur couldn't imagine his father still holding a grudge at someone who helped bring Morgana home. He was distraught, this much was evident and so with her return to safety, came the King's affection to those who helped. "Fate. I suppose we can not argue with such a strong force," Arthur said slightly smiling though there was nothing amusing about any of this. "And you are quite right about that . . . especially since sorcery is involved in this. A large army will not necessarily be a match for magic. It is about being smart and cautious, rather than big numbers and strength." Arthur had no plan, no strategy but he knew that when the time came -- or hoped that when the time came -- a plan would form quickly. And it would be much easier with two people, rather than one.
Arthur had a feeling he was going to be the death of Merlin. And that was when Gwen's name was mentioned again. By his side. The image itself was enough to make him want to go back to her and vocalize his affections. . . but just as desirable as it was, it was also unattainable. "I can not expect everyone to constantly be at my side, no matter how great the danger. And . . . " He paused for a brief moment, concealing how hard it was to say these next words. "I can not expect Guinevère to wait for something that is so unsure and unconfirmed." Yes Arthur wanted it. But how long would it take? He could not expect her to put her whole life on hold for him, even if the more selfish part of him desperately wanted her to. Why was he even telling Lancelot this? He had no idea. Lancelot really should be the last man Arthur wanted to discuss such things with . . . but for some reason, the words came out anyway.
Arthur couldn't help but slightly chuckle at Lancelot's words of proving himself to him. There was nothing funny about it, it was merely ironic for Arthur had been the exact same way. "I know what it feels like . . . to have that need to prove your worth to yourself. I am very much the same way," he admitted. And as Lancelot continued to vocally demonstrate his loyalty and willingness to fight for Arthur . . . and mention the difficulty because of their mutual love for Guinevère . . . Arthur allowed a moment of silence to follow his words before responding. "Your service is, and always will be appreciated. And I will ensure that it will never go unforgotten, even if I do not have the authority of king. I will not let a loyal knight go unrewarded for their actions." Arthur couldn't be that kind of man, to just let someone risk their life and then disregard them as if it was nothing. Every knight, every person, anyone who did that for Arthur, would forever remain in his memory.
"Your skills are most certainly not the problem. In fact, the selfish part of me would be eternally grateful for your company. It is what I ask, that makes it such a burden to allow you to come. And . . . that if something were to happen, I fear Guinevère would never forgive me." It did not matter if they were not together; the hope of that would forever be lost if Gwen blamed him for any harm coming to Lancelot . . . and Arthur loved and respected and valued Gwen too much as a person to let that happen. "I know that even though you have not sworn allegiance, in your heart you have, but yet . . . I'm still hesitant."
Arthur knew that it could not be at all easy for Lancelot to keep trying to convince Arthur that he and Gwen belonged together. Arthur could not do that himself, for if he could, he would be telling Lancelot to be with Gwen . . . and that was too difficult for Arthur to admit. "I can not simply accept it," he said bluntly. "But I will not make this conversation more difficult for you by trying to hear reasons as to why I may be wrong. I am not going to keep asking you to convince me, for I realize, that the subject may not be easy for you." Arthur had experienced the pain of seeing her with Lancelot when they saved her from Hengist . . . he was not going to encourage him to feel that sort of pain and longing.
Arthur had to admit that it was refreshing to hear genuine laughter, amongst all the seriousness their conversation entailed, and the harsh realities of life. Arthur could not help, but smile in return, even if it only lasted a short while. "Then it is no wonder you and Merlin as such good friends. I would hate to see you two in an argument for I doubt either would back down," he said jokingly, though their equal stubborness proved that this would be true. "Comic relief indeed, you are very right about that. But it would not be very funny if he dies because of his inability to handle a sword against potential dangers in the forest." Once again, he was teasing the poor servant. "He always has a way of finding me though, so we best head out before the sun rises."
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2010 8:56:40 GMT -5
Lancelot, deep in his mind wondered just how true that was. How much of it was truly a real choice, and how much had been pre-destined by fate. For a moment he considered Arthur his friend and his rival, in terms of the choices that he had made. Arthur was like two completely separate individuals. There was exterior that he presented to the world, that sometimes was just arrogant and self-serving. Then there was the other side of him, definitely his inner self that truly cared about how things turned out for people. Lancelot wondered what Arthur's mother had been like, and how many of these positive traits had come from her. Lancelot chuckled to himself that Arthur gave him that back-handed compliment. Did he really think that he was that skilled? "I'm quite sure that even then they would not have been formidable enough."
Lancelot listened to Arthur's explanation about why he had released him from the dungeon the first time, and Lance wondered just how much of that was true. How could somebody make that kind of judgment .... a snap judgment really? "How did you know both that my intentions were good and I wasn't some kind of danger, even an unintentional danger to Camelot? Then you don't understand me very well at all." I had been focused for years on my goal of becoming a Knight of Camelot. To have been one for a few hours, imprisoned, but then released, but not allowed to serve ..... not being allowed to serve was worse than the dungeon or dying ..... in his book. if Arthur didn't understand that, he didn't understand him, not really. "I have gone beyond the call of duty .... of honor ..... once for you sire ...... with the Griffin. And for the Earl of Huntingdon I led several charges. Unless one is willing to risk all for their patron, whoever they my be, they re not fully committing themselves. I will never shortchange the ones that I serve."
"Yes ..... I know that about him. After I saved him from the Griffin there was nothing that he wouldn't do for me. He made himself my friend, and I would never go so far as to begrudge him that opportunity. Life is to short to deny yourself friendship, especially when it is so freely given." Lancelot knew, even though Arthur could not bring himself to say the kind of kind words that were really required, Arthur still had strong feeling and friendship for Merlin. Lancelot could just feel it. Suddenly, out of the blue, came Prince Arthur's comment ..... his compliment, really, about Lancelot. "You do me great honor with that statement, sire. I am not sure I am worthy of it. I am just an ordinary knight with some well-practiced abilities. I will be happy to serve you on this quest for as long as you choose to welcome me. and if you choose not to have me accompany you, of course I will just strike out on my own," he smiled.
Lancelot folded his arms and assessed what he thought Arthur was actually thinking. Did he really want Lancelot's help or was he just stalling for time, trying to figure out a way to go after Morgana by himself. Lancelot could tell that Arthur was ambivalent, at least partly because of how they both felt about Gwen. lance had done his best to try and convince Arthur that he had given up on Gwen. he wasn't sure if the Prince believed him or saw him as a rival. Lancelot could still remember the look in Arthur's eyes when she had held Lance's hand and when they had sat around the campfire afterward. But did those of unease or conflict translate to Morgana? Lance wasn't sure ..... he knew that Arthur was a man o strong emotions and feelings, and one never new exactly how someone like that would react. "I completely understand that. She is almost like family to you, your highness. Since I have no family its difficult to understand those feelings like you do."
Arthur's words were fine, Lance thought. However, he did wonder how strongly he really meant it, knowing in his heart that it was unlikely that Uther would ever really change his mind. "I might have his some gratitude, but i any case, if we are successful, and you survive, you will receive all of the credit. If you die, i will receive all of the blame. Uther is a good king, but he believes only what he chooses to. I know that I will never be a Knight of Camelot as long as he sits on the throne. However, knowing that will not prevent me from doing what is right, or serving as one of your knights would."
Lance was happy to see that Arthur agreed with him, or at least appeared to. "It is what it is. I understand that it will be my destiny to one day fall in battle to a sword, not at the end of a long life. That is my fate. Yours will be to be a great king. Yes .... yes .... they would just settle into a siege mentality. With a small force we can quickly jump in, grab her, and be gone before they know what's hit them. At least, that would be the plan," he laughed. "But you know,even the best laid plans can go awry."
Lance shook his head over Arthur's thoughts on these matters. "It is a simple thing .... so much simpler than you are wrestling with in your mind. You are the Crown Prince. One day God-willing you will be King. They will be at your side, and as for Gwen ...... if she loves you she will wait an eternity for you, if she doesn't she won't." he leaned forward, and whispered, "and I can't imagine that she doesn't." Those words were incredibly hard for him to say, but he felt that Arthur needed to be reassured and told them.
Lancelot knew they were quite different as men. In some ways, because of his position, Arthur was more experienced than Lance. In others, simply because of his age, Lance was the wiser. But there were some ways that they were the same, and yes, they both felt the need to constantly prove themselves ..... to themselves. Lance nodded his head in silence. "Then, Prince Arthur, that is one way that you are significantly different from your father ..... if you don't forget. But you should not worry about it. What I do I do out of duty, as well as other for other reasons ........"
"A true leader cannot worry about the consequences of their actions as long as their responsibility to their kingdom continues. I know you love her, and if you know she loves you, she will understand. You cannot let things that might happen influence the decisions that you might make now. You have to decide what is in the best interests of the kingdom, and if I or my skills have to be sacrificed for the greater good .... then so be it. Remember,he who hesitates is lost."
Lancelot could see a conflict growing within Arthur. He could read it on his face as he spoke. "Then .... don't speak of it further, since you know how I must respond." In response to Arthur's words, Lancelot merely smiled and nodded, knowing that if he and Merlin argued and battled, that Merlin's magic would rule the day. "Then lets be off," and Lancelot turned his horse, Shere-fore into the dense forest, leading the way to the fortress where Morgana was held.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on May 13, 2010 20:09:11 GMT -5
"I can never know for certain. But I told my father that you had meant no harm, and I trusted my instincts. After all, if you wanted to kill me, I'm rather certain you would have had already tried at that point," Arthur told him, only half kidding. "I did not think throwing you in a dungeon would have done any good, which is why I released you and told you to leave Camelot. It is fortunate for you that I did in fact trust my instincts, because if I didn't, then you could very well still be locked up as a prisoner." Arthur didn't regret his actions, even if they did defy his father. Sometimes, he had to go with what he thought was right, fair and just . . . even if it was a mistake. It really was the only way to learn. "Spoken like a true knight," Arthur said simply. "I am sure the Earl of Huntington is going to give me a hard time if he finds out that I stole your service for some time," Arthur said, once again, joking . . . sort of.
"Yes, he is rather eager to make friends." Arthur was once again, ridiculing the servant. "Though, I do trust the man with my life." That was said on a more serious note. He would never say those exact words to Merlin. Best if no one else told him too. He didn't want it to go his head. Life was indeed short though . . . no one really knew how long they had to live. Arthur especially knew this for he had come across multiple near death experiences, each one changing his perspective on things or people. "You are too modest Lancelot. Though, I suppose it is yet another trait expected of a knight . . . though not frequently practiced." Arthur was not modest. He was skilled, and he boasted and showed this off to the world. He was a bully, and he was aware of that . . . which almost made his actions worse. Then again . . . this was all on the surface. "I am not sure that this kind of determination is though . . . perhaps it is a quality we will have to try and rid you of," he said, teasing the knight as he did not mean his words. He respected him for it . . . and he knew that his persistence were for noble intentions.
"Take solace in the fact that you do not have to endure any pain when harm comes to them then," Arthur told him as he expressed his understanding though could not fully empathize. Arthur of course, would not have wanted a reality where his family did not exist. He valued them far too much, but that was why moments like these . . . situations like the abduction of one of them . . . was so difficult to bare. "You have no family at all?" Arthur asked. As part of the royal family, Arthur's history and lifestyle was pretty well known, but he knew nothing of Lancelot's past, history, family members . . . nothing. He would take this opportunity to learn whatever information the knight was offering to disclose.
Arthur thought about that . . . about the fact that he would never be a knight as long as Uther was on the throne. He knew the hard headed nature of his father . . . but there had been moments where his father repented, and Arthur saw a more vulnerable side to him. Of course, he never told anyone of these moments. It was something between solely his father and him. "Do not be too certain of that. The King is still human, and every human lives with regret and the ability to change. I am not saying he will welcome you with open arms, but I am certain that he will be grateful for the fact that you at least searched for his ward. He cares about her far too much to shun away anyone who plays a part in her search."
Arthur knew it would be glorious to die in battle. It was the most honorable death one could have as a knight . . . but again, he was a prince first. "That is a death with the highest honor. One that is wished for most knights, myself being no exception," he admitted. To die for a cause, for someone or something . . . that was truly wonderful. It was sacrificial, and Arthur had tried it a couple times, though those times were all strange tests to prove his worth instead of allowing him to actually carry out that self sacrifice. "My fate remains unsealed. I too could die by the hand of another, and you could live on to be a great knight." Arthur refused to let others expectations of him dictate his actions. Just because he was expected to be king, did not mean he would cower away in the face of danger. He would embrace, no matter the risk . . . and what he was doing right now was a prime example of that.
Arthur could not believe Lancelot had said that in regards to Gwen, so he just looked at him before turning his attention back to the road ahead. "I wish it was as simple as you are making it out to be. I can not be unfair to her, because she deserves to be as happy as she can . . . not wait around for the rest of her life, or however long it takes before I am King." He knew that even talking to her now, and spending time with her, was unfair . . . but he could not help himself. "Right now, my father will never understand and I will not risk Guinevère's safety in any way. This is the harsh reality of it, and that is what I must accept."
Arthur had heard that . . . many times, that he was nothing like his father. People tended to make that sound like a good thing. Though no one would dare speak treason, others had expressed that when Arthur was king he would have the power to do this, and this, and change so and so. This did not make Arthur feel better. While he was grateful for the amount of faith people had in him, it also made him feel very pressured as he was already being put on a pedestal and following in a King's footsteps was never easy. He would have to make sacrifices that he was not sure he would have the stomach to make, and he would have to make decisions for the long term, or for the good of the kingdom . . . even if it meant putting others at extreme disadvantages. No. Arthur knew that right now, he did not have what it took to be king, and that made him unimaginably stressed. "Different isn't always good," he mumbled, speaking aloud to himself rather than making it a useful comment towards Lancelot.
Arthur knew that Gwen would make a perfect Queen. She was fair, compassionate, and often the voice of moral and reason when he was placed in a difficult situation. She would be a Queen that the people would love . . . that we would love. "I can not be impulsive. I can not act without considering the reactions of others--" -- mainly, his father. "There is too much at stake, and despite the love I have for her, admitting it and embracing it for all others to see, may only lead to devastating outcomes." Arthur did not know how to handle the situation, for he had never been in one quite such as this before. He had to be rational . . . he had to be careful. He hated thinking that any bad could come from his affection for her, but truth be told, it was entirely possible.
Arthur knew he shouldn't speak of it any more, and yet he still was. It was difficult to hold back such things when they were constantly on your mind, yet Lancelot really should not be the person he confesses all this too. He kicked the sides of his horse so that it moved at a bit of a trot, knowing that they would have an undetermined amount of time to continue on their conversation. "Lets pray that this be successful, and that Morgana will be safely brought home."
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2010 11:27:46 GMT -5
Lancelot ..... Sir Lancelot listened to Arthur talk about his father. He just shrugged his shoulders. Actually he had given up any thought of being a Knight of Camelot, and in fact had thought about taking up the field that he had been apprenticed for, carpentry. But his work as a knight for nobles in Wessex had been more lucrative, so he had continued. "I thank you, your highness, for you efforts, but I'm afraid your father keeps hi own council in such matters. At least, by my observation that is true. I'm afraid it comes down to, not whether I will kill you, but whether a non-noble and a breaker of his code can be trusted." Lance was a bit surprised that the Prince would say such a thing. At times they seemed to be close, almost closer than friends, and then at others, at arms-length. Are you sure that you really want to steal me sire? With Gwen and all .....?" Lancelot stopped, not knowing if he had gone too far.
"Well, sire, I am a knight, just not a Knight of Camelot. I have accepted that, perhaps you should to, at least until you are king, i I live that long." Quickly, they had left the topic of knightly things, and once more began to speak on some of the people they knew, like Merlin. Lancelot was older than Arthur, but he did not want to be perceived as lecturing to him, but he felt something needs to be said.
"I think, Arthur, that he is so eager because he thinks so much of you, as a person, as Arthur, just as I do. There is a reason why you trust him with your life, isn't there. Hasn't he saved it more than once? Among both nobles and peasants, such qualities should always be rewarded. At least that's what I've always believed," he said, shrugging once more.
Lancelot laughed out loud. "I was taught as a child that it was not possible for a peasant to be too modest, especially in dealings with a noble. Yes ...yes .... I am determined ..... stubborn. They both go along with loyalty ...... to friends ..... to those who are sovereign ..... and sometimes both."
Lancelot nodded his head in agreement with what the Prince said about enduring the pain of loss. "It is one reason why I ride into battle without fear ...... without hesitation. I have nothing left to lose ..... only my honor, and that won't be surrendered to anyone." Lance heard the next question, the Prince's question about family. It was pretty open-ended, almost like an invitation. How could he be Arthur's friend if he hid things from him, except for Gwen of course. That was something he could not talk about. However, he had freely talked to Merlin about his family, why not Arthur?
"No, Prince Arthur, I have no family ..... none. I told Merlin this, as soon as I met him, almost. He wanted to know why I wanted to be a Knight of Camelot so badly. I explained that I came from a family of peasant farmers, in the far northwest, near the Irish Sea. They wanted a better life for me, so they apprenticed me to a carpenter in a nearby town. One day when I was away, a band of northern raiders struck. I arrived just when they were leaving, weapon-less. There was nothing left. The fields of crops were burning, the buildings and huts wee burning or destroyed, and the people were no more. The village was gone. Once we buried those we could, I went to live with my carpentry master. But I swore I would never be defenseless against such people ever again, and I trained myself in swordcraft from that day forward, with a dream ..... a silly dream ..... a dream to be a Knight of Camelot ..... one of King Uther's knights."
Lancelot shook his head in disbelief, even now, at the memory of what had happened. "Anything is possible, sire, but I know,not very likely. Yes ..... perhaps he will be grateful, but I think most of the thanks will be given to you his son, and nobody else. We will be thanked, as a matter of course, but I don't expect it to be anything more than just words."
Lancelot thought that Arthur seemed to agree with him about the way a knight, a proper knight should see his end of days. "Yes, I think there is no other proper way for a knight to pass, in defense of his people, his King, his Prince," he said nodding in deference to Arthur. Lancelot chuckled at the thought. "Me a great knight ..... I think it far more likely that you will be remembered as a great king than I as a great knight ..... much more likely.
Now, as it always did, it came back to Gwen. Even just the thought of her made Lancelot weak in the knees. He did not know if he could go back to Camelot with her there. However, if she was Arthur's betrothed, or even his wife, that would be enough to take the temptation away. He was sure of it. "It is that simple... all you have to do is believe it, and believe in her, and believe in yourself. But your arguments and points are about temporary things. i think that whatever one would have with her would be much more permanent."
He wasn't sure whether any of his words about either Gwen or how he might rule differently than his father ever sunk in. It was further confirmed when he heard him mumbling that being different was necessarily better. "Your father is a good king, his opinion about me notwithstanding. But he isn't perfect. You aren't perfect. You will change the things that need to be changed, but make mistakes as well, that your son will try and correct if he can. that is the way of things. I have confidence in you. What more do you want," he asked, laughing. "You make the right decisions, about the kingdom and Gwen, when the time comes, i someone doesn't steal her away while your contemplating your actions, that is." And they dove deeper and deeper into the forest, at least for the moment, silencing the conversation, as Lance nodded his head in agreement over what Arthur had said about Gwen and her rescue.
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Post by Arthur Pendragon on Jun 20, 2010 15:15:45 GMT -5
While Arthur was well aware of his father's stubborn ways, he knew that if he truly made a convincing argument, his father could not argue the evidence. He trusted his son . . . which was an odd thing to believe, but Arthur knew it to be true. Even though their opinions clashed, Uther knew that Arthur's priority was always the well being and safety of Camelot. He thought about Lancelot's question, unsure how to answer. He would answer unselfishly, because it was the truth. A prince had to make sacrifices, and if Gwen could never be his Queen, he would never keep her to himself and deprive her of any happiness that she deserved. "It would be selfish of me to put my desires ahead of the safety of Camelot. You are a skilled knight, you would strengthen our army and therefore, better the chances of protecting the citizens of Camelot. I have no claim over Guinevère. She is a free woman, free to make her own decisions. I care about her happiness and safety above all else." If her happiness did not lie with Arthur then -- as painful as that would be -- so be it.
When Arthur was king. Would a lot change? Would nothing change? Everyone seemed to think that he would be a great king, greater than his father, but Arthur could not believe this. He felt he would be lost without guidance, that the responsibility would be too great; that he would not be strong enough to make the necessary sacrifices. This weight constantly brought him down, but he would never show or admit it. "When I am King." The comment was more of a vocalized thought, as he was lost in his own thoughts of such a time.
Once again, the pressure of who he was dominated his mind. "He seems to hold a lot of faith in people." Arthur knew that it was not just him that Merlin had so much faith in. He was like Guinevère . . . always seeing the best in people, always giving them the benefit of the doubt, always having an unwavering amount of faith in a person. "I have never trusted my previous servant as much as I trust him. He has constantly proved to be worthy of a man's trust, especially mine." Since Merlin had saved him, or offered him explanations and aid that had proved to be very helpful.
Arthur smiled at the belief that peasants could not be too modest. He seemed to disprove that theory. "I suppose I can't not say otherwise. I tend to act the same way, so it would be rather hypocritical of me if I give you grief over something that is clear in my actions as well." Arthur listened attentively to his background, his history. "I am so very sorry to hear that your village fell victim to such a vicious raid." His sympathy was sincere, and his condolences genuine. It was not an uncommon occurrence. A lot of villages experienced such things, and Arthur hated how he could not do anything about it because by the time news reached the castle, it was too late to prevent it. All they could do was offer aid to help them re-establish themselves, and even sometimes that did not help. "It is not a silly dream. No dream is. I just hope I can play a part in making it a reality for you. Especially after everything you have lost. You gained strength which is clearly reflected in the way you fight, and the way you speak."
"I will not let your efforts go unrecognized." That was a firm promise. Arthur would not deprive someone of credit when it was properly due to them. He was not that greedy or selfish. He would allow others to see what they had done. "The king will be overwhelmed with joy when she is returned." WHEN . . . not . . . IF. "He will bestow credit where it is due."
Arthur once again, doubted his abilities as a great king. He may be known as the exact opposite . . . a king who brought an end to Camelot due to his inability to rule. That was not how he wanted to be remembered in history. "Lancelot, you are not the kind of knight who's name will not be written in the pages of history. Whether you are a knight of Camelot, or not, all great men are remembered."
The subject of Gwen. A hopeful yet helpless one. The reassurance of his abilities as feature king. Lancelot believed in him. Merlin believed in him. Morgana believed in him. Gwen believed in him. How could so many people have so much belief in him, when he completely doubted himself? "I suppose we will have to see what happens when that time comes." Arthur knew it was not a very detailed response, but he was not about to vocalize all of his insecurities to this man. . . he did not do that with anyone. Who would want to follow such a man. "As I said before, Guinevère is a free woman. I will not pressure her to wait, or cause her conflict as what to decide." And yet, Arthur silently prayed that they could be together, and happy, with no regret. Would she ever be free of regret if they were ever together though? Or would she always have that regret, and question of what could have been had she run away with Lancelot?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2010 21:59:30 GMT -5
Lancelot wondered why Arthur would go to these lengths for him. Although Lancelot knew that there might be French noble blood running in his veins, he was not considered noble in Britain, and not of Arthur's class. Then there was Gwen. Lancelot knew exactly the feelings he had for her, or at least he thought he did. And he had seen the way Arthur had looked at Gwen right after they had all made their escape. He saw the care for Gwen that was in the Prince's eyes and the anger when he saw Gwen holding Lancelot's hands. Although he had worked off-and-on for the Earl of Huntingdon, Lancelot had been in Hengest's camp looking for work. What would Arthur think if he knew that Lancelot had nearly given up being a knight, let alone a Knight of Camelot, and was just looking to survive. Perhaps King Uther had been right about him all along, Lancelot thought to himself.
Sir Lancelot listened to the prince's words and he could scarcely believe his ears. "Forgive me my Lord ..... but that's just simply ridiculous. Yes .... you are Prince Of Camelot, Crown Prince. But you are a man as well. Why would such desires or needs seen to be in conflict with the needs of the kingdom? Perhaps I am a skilled knight, and perhaps I would be an asset to your army and to Camelot, but one day I might have to be sacrificed to the greater needs of Camelot. However, one day, you will be Camelot. No one has ever said that you have a claim over her, but together, its obvious that you were meant to be. I was just meant to serve, or not. Exactly! Don't you think that both you and her happiness will be best served when you are together?"
As Lancelot had already said, life is about choices. Some that Lance had made were good and some were not. One of his choices had probably precluded him from ever being a true Knight of Camelot. Another choice had made him voluntarily separate himself from the girl he loved to the man who seemingly had everything. The unfairness of life, from the destruction of his village and family, to what he was sacrificing now seemed to weigh him down.
"Yes .... but the one he has the most faith in, obviously, is you Prince Arthur. I don't think his faith is easily one, but I think he naturally wants to believe in the better angel of our nature. He would not willingly serve you, and stand by you, when others might have wilted away. That faith is sometimes so constant, when we experience it, that we take it for granted. Often we don't appreciate it until the source of it is gone from our lives."
Lancelot did not often go too deeply into his past with others. One reason, of course, was that he often didn't have the opportunity, given his experience as a wandering knight, in some cases, a fighter for hire. The other was that much of his past was too painful to re-live, and was one reason, just before helping Gwen escape, that he had considered giving up being a knight. Either Arthur was a great actor, or he was quite sincere in his sorrow over Lancelot's losses. "Thank you sire, it is quite kind of you to say. It changed the course of my life. Before it happened I was completing my carpentry apprenticeship. Afterwords, I took up the sword. My master even arranged for Morgana's father to give me some introductory training. He was a fine man. By the way, did Gwen ever talk to you about what we talked on before her rescue took place, by any chance? My dream? Oh I don't know. I've recently thought, several times, on giving that particular dream up. Perhaps your father was right about me after all."
Lancelot appreciated the sentiments of the Prince greatly. He was going well beyond what might be expected of a noble for a commoner. However, Lancelot doubted whether, in the end, it would have much influence on Uther. "I thank you, Prince Arthur. I expect that he would be when his ward is returned to him. However, I am not naive enough to think that that joy will extend to me, no matter how he feels about you or his ward. I think that is the reality of the situation."
Lancelot shook his head in wonder. "There are days, Arthur, when I doubt whether I will still be a knight tomorrow, let alone one of great renown. I have seen little evidence of the greatness of which you speak." Lancelot could tell that the Prince had many doubts about his own abilities. Lancelot, though, did not. He could sense that most of Arthur's decisions came out of his sense of right and wrong, not whether they were politically wise or expedient. "Your abilities, my future king, will be evident when the time comes. As for Gwen, I think the answer there will become apparent as time passes and you become more sure of her and yourself."
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