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Payton de Archer never did anything without reason, and that included the way he was currently treating Caitrin. He wanted to get a feel for this man’s personality, and Payton preferred the upfront approach, rather than dabbling around the topic. After all, what good would talking do? Men could easily lie through words, but actions were much harder to fake. Payton set down his wine, his hand still stinging from where it had collided with Caitrin’s cheek. He smirked at her, but of course she was just staring at the floor. He just pressed his lips in mild amusement at her, he could still see that she feared him, and he enjoyed that kind of power.

The impact of her father’s hand against her cheek had split her lip, and the hot tang of blood only added to her discomfort. She was still cradling her cheek in her palm, it probably didn’t hurt as much as it felt like it did, it was the shock more than anything. Her father had always struck her as a child, by the end of most days her cheeks were redder than her hair was. She was used to it, but Griff wasn’t, and if Caitrin hadn’t thought about that before, she certainly realised it now. Her head whipped up as Griff’s fist collided with her father’s cheek. For a few moments she just stared at her fiancée, her mouth slightly ajar. If it hadn’t been her father he had just punched she probably would have been more vocal. But for the moment she wasn’t quite sure what to do. She’d never wanted her father and Griff to meet, but she’d never imagined the scene quite like this.

Coming to her senses, she rushed to her fiancée’s side, because that was where she belonged now. She took his hand, the one that had just punched her father, and squeezed it softly. Payton had just about recovered from Griff’s punch and he ran his hand over his face. Well, he’d wanted a reaction and now he had it. “She was my daughter long before you came into the picture, I will do as I will.” He replied rather sharply at Griff, but didn’t step forwards again. His pride had been wounded somewhat. Caitrin on the other hand still had tight hold of Griff’s hand, though her cheek was still red and stinging.

“Perhaps this conversation is best had in the morning? When we have all calmed down.” Caitrin pointed out harshly to her father more than Griff, she was still incredibly impressed he’d stood up for her. When her father left she would have to show him just how much she appreciated it. Payton was already shaking his head, Caitrin hadn’t expected it to be that easy,

“No.” Was all he could manage before drawing another breath, “I came to see if your Uncle’s words, that you were marrying a respectable son of a Duke, were true. I see nothing here but a boy, and a drunken mess. Which part of that do you think is respectable?” He looked Griff up and down again, “What on earth made you think that you would be welcome to marry into our family?” Payton wasn’t going to give his blessing to this match, he’d already made his mind up about that, but he could try and salvage this. He wanted his children to make respectable matches, he wasn’t going to recognise this one, as it was anything but.

Once her work was done, Caitrin just looked over her patient. For a few moments she just remained in silence, praying that this was going to work, and praying everything would just be fine. She knew he wasn’t going to get better, but Nora knew that as well so that was fine in a sense. At least she was under no illusions that her friend was a miracle worker. Caitrin could offer this relief but that was it. It was times like this that she wished she was better skilled in herbalism, her tutoring had been cut short by the death of her nurse, Helgund, and her father had refused to find a replacement for her. No one could have ever replaced the woman in Caitrin’s heart, but she could have become more skilled.

It didn’t surprise Caitrin that Nora wanted to be on her own with her father for a while. She supposed if she were in the same situation then she would want the same. That was the thing, when helping people out medically, you were always there to aid but you had to know when to leave the family to it. Meghan had done that when she had delivered Caitrin’s children, she had been there until her work was done, and then she had left promptly to leave the new family to it. This was a more sombre affair, but the point still stood. “It’s no problem.” Caitrin replied with a soft smile as she went to go and collect Esmae from the corner of the room. The child hadn’t stirred yet from her sleep, and Caitrin was hoping she could get her home without waking her up. No doubt her brother would want a feed when she got back, so she would rather just have one of the twins to worry about for the time being.

As Caitrin went to pick up her daughter from the basket, as it wasn’t hers, Nora spoke again and she spun round to hear the woman out. In truth, monitoring his condition hour on hour probably wouldn’t help much, the effects would only seep in slowly, and they wouldn’t be noticeable until tomorrow anyway at the latest. “I shall come tomorrow morning if that is alright with you?” Plus she was already missing Arthur a great deal. She hated being apart from either of her children for too long. She knew she could be too overprotective and mothering over them sometimes, but she couldn’t help herself. “But if a problem arises, send a messenger to the estate and I shall come promptly. I will make sure I am there at all times.” She assured and then turned around so she could scoop Esmae out of the basket of blankets. The child groaned a little, but settled into the warmth of her mothers arms soon enough, “Unless you do wish me to stay?”

Caitrin wasn’t sure whether she should be surprised or not at the fact Elyan told her that Gwen wouldn’t be using that many servants. She supposed it made sense because Gwen herself had been a servant once. Caitrin had been lucky enough to always be a Lady of noble birth, and she had always used servants as an extension of herself. Though she had never used them unnecessarily. They had servants around the de Archer estate, but she didn’t have her own maid, or dresser or anything like that. She couldn’t afford it, and neither would she want one. She was independent enough to make and keep her own dresses and rooms for goodness sake. “I think it’s quite, unusual if you don’t mind me saying so, for a Queen to not have many servants.” She didn’t mean to offend of course, she was just pointing it out, “But perhaps it is a good change, after all, I’ve always thought that Ladies keep too many servants anyway.” She smiled, to show she was not disapproving of Gwen or her plans at all. She didn’t want to appear rude in front of the ladies brother after all. Gwen would possibly bring a breath of fresh air to the court, which was well needed in a way.

She shifted uncomfortably, feeling that she had misinterpreted Elyan’s words somewhat. She needed to learn to not be so defensive about sorcery. After all, nothing was going to change the laws in Camelot to accommodate her kind, and as she had grown older she had accepted that. She knew there had been an agreement with the druids, but that was a small deal, one which could be easily pushed aside in the future, anyone knew that. She would never tell anyone she was a sorceress, excepting her husband of course, until she was completely sure she would be safe. She had a family to worry about as well, how would they fend if she was sent to the pyre? The mere thought made Caitrin want to retch, so she closed her eyes and breathed out slowly, her hands settling on her belly. She just wanted to get back those feelings of euphoria, she was going to be a mother, and nothing else mattered, “No it’s fine, honestly,” She felt rather flustered in a way, “Mercia does not have the same sanctions against sorcery as Camelot does, so I worried I had overstepped the mark somewhat.” She wasn’t sure how, but she was covering her tracks. True, Caitrin had spent a large portion of her life here in Camelot, but that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. She was still a Mercian at heart.

Caitrin nodded softly at Elyans suggestion of getting her some water. It would probably help after all. She sat up straight, still trying to get comfortable. She had a feeling she would never get to sleep tonight, “Only if it is not too much trouble?” She asked with a smile at her lips, hoping it would calm the child down. She was sure as soon as she got her nerves in order then the child too would calm.

Caitrin still felt justifiably afraid as Nimueh looked on at her, there was a certain chill about the air which Caitrin didn’t like and she couldn’t understand it. She resisted the urge to shudder as the woman spoke. How on earth would Caitrin hear of such prophecies? She had been well educated in Mercia, but those had been in Mercian matters, not in the history of Camelot. “How would you expect me to know of such things?” She spoke back to Nimueh in the same harshness that she was being spoken to. She would not be called short sighted, after all, her view was perfectly justified. Why on earth would magic return to Camelot? There was no reason why it should after all. Uther hated magic, and no doubt Arthur would follow in his path, why would he have any particular allegiances to magic either? “The King kills everyone with sorcery, how do you expect it to return to the kingdom?” They were harsh words, but they were true in Caitrin’s eyes. She wanted sorcery to return of course, Jesu she would like nothing less than to reveal her true self, but she couldn’t. Though it hurt to hide her sorcery and play this part, the alternative was unbearable.

Again there was a chill running down Caitrin’s side. Arthur was one of her best friends, she knew he would not betray her no matter what. No, she didn’t know that, she merely hoped it. Caitrin ran her hands through her hair and bit her lip slightly. She shook her head at Nimueh, wanting to convince herself that she was right, that it wouldn’t matter if Arthur knew she was a sorceress, he wouldn’t see any harm come to her. But she knew it wasn’t Arthur she should be worried about, it was Uther. He wouldn’t bother to hear her story, she’d seen him execute so many of her kind since coming to Camelot. The fire burned bright in her memory, and she suddenly had the urge to retch and she put her hand on her stomach, trying to tell herself she was being stupid. “I-he wouldn’t.” She said firmly, though not as firmly as she would have hoped.

Caitrin was trying to lead Lily back to the road as quickly as she could. However, the mare seemed unsettled, and just wouldn’t move. Caitrin was panicking, which was never a good state to get herself into. She put her hand on the mares face and whispered to her, but the mare didn’t feel like herself. “Lily?” She whispered softly but the mare wouldn’t respond to her. She pulled the reigns again but still she wouldn’t move. She looked back to Nimueh, sure she had some part in this, “What have you done to her?” She demanded sharply, “I don’t need your permission to leave.”

Caitrin found that she had never hoped for so much in such a small space of time. She was hoping the potion would work, hoping it would ease Nora’s mind as well as her fathers health, as well as hoping Esmae just stayed asleep until the task was done. She needed to concentrate in order to administer the brew, which wouldn’t work if Esmae was crying, or if she was hungry. In fact it would be the most unhelpful thing the child could possibly do. At the moment she was sleeping soundly, occasionally shifting in her clothes and blankets as she moved about to make herself comfortable. Caitrin wished she could watch her all day, but she needed to complete the task at hand. Her motherly instincts had to be put on the line for a few minutes until the brew was given to Nora’s father.

Somehow, Caitrin suspected that Nora wouldn’t want to administer the brew herself. Then Nora could comfort her father, and hold his hand. Caitrin couldn’t offer the same amount of support, so it made sense that they had taken up the roles that they had. She breathed out slowly and took the brew, moving to the mans side and figuring out how she was going to do this. He was strong enough to take fluids, after all, that was how he had been kept alive despite his condition. Caitrin put the brew to the mans lips, and whispered that this would help him. He helped her as he began to give soft, gentle gulps. Caitrin had to stop her hand from shaking while she administered the brew to Nora’s father. With every gulp, Caitrin could hear herself half pleading with the spirits or whatever God’s were up there to just make this work, and to make everything ok again.

When the brew was finished, she set the goblet down on the side of the mans bed and stood up again. She looked back to Nora with a satisfied nod, “It won’t work straight away, but you should notice an improvement soon enough.” That was all she could say really. She could see that Nora had hold of her fathers hand, and she felt a little awkward for a few moments, “Would you like us to leave you alone for a while?” She asked kindly, as she would not be insulted if Nora wanted to spend some time with her father, he knew how much he meant to her, and it was important she did spend this time with him in a way, so he knew she was there for him.

Caitrin Aubert tapped her watch as she started to fiddle about with her somewhat unflattering uniform. This was the problem in working in a care home, the uniform never fit exactly how she wanted it to. Her swelling belly was starting to press against the fabric, and she’d eventually have to sort that when she had a bit of money. That was another thing to worry about at her next payday then wasn’t it? She finished off her cup of tea, and set it down by the sink in the staff room before making her way back out into the main area of the home. Though she felt like her real calling had been as a nurse in a hospital, but there had been no jobs, and she was enjoying looking after the people here. The home specialised as hospice care for those who were suffering with Cancer, so the job was always a little sad in a way, but she just had to get on with it, and try to make everything fine for those who were here.

She only had a few more hours left of her shift anyway, and then hopefully Griff would have cooked something for dinner; she could live in hope. Caitrin was only a newlywed, and she was only just a few months pregnant. She’d only graduated a few years ago, so it was all happening quite quickly really and it was slightly overwhelming in some ways. On top of all of that, and the fact that she hadn’t been in this job for very long, it was all a lot to take in. Running her hand through her hair, Caitrin made her way to the main sitting room in the home, where most of the people who were staying here tended to be during the day. Usually her duties just involved seeing to the patients needs, seeing that they were comfortable and getting them whatever they needed.

After seeing to a few of the patients, including one lovely old woman called Tina who always asked her how she was, what with the baby on the way. She always offered her advice on what Caitrin should expect throughout her pregnancy, and with what she would need. Caitrin always just sat and talked with her for a while, she never seemed to get many guests after all. As Caitrin left the woman, she looked around the room to see if anyone needed her immediate attention before she left the room to see to her other duties. As she moved out into the hallway, Caitrin noticed a woman looking rather lost. It wasn’t unusual, visitors were often a little unsure of what to do. “Hello, can I help you?” Caitrin asked the young woman with a smile on her lips, brushing some hair behind her ear.

Caitrin had never felt more like a coward than she did now. The memories of what they had done last night were still running through her thoughts whenever she closed her eyes. The worst thing was, she didn’t regret it, and she wasn’t sure why she didn’t regret it. Celyn hadn’t stopped her, but she hadn’t stopped herself, and maybe she should have. In a way, she had promised herself the days of welcoming men to her bed, aside from Griff of course, were over. She had been loyal to him until last night, and that was probably why the guilt was starting to rip through her so much. It didn’t matter to her that she hadn’t heard from Griff in months, she knew in her heart of hearts, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, that if he walked through the door now she would run into his arms He had that control over her, whether he knew it or not, and Caitrin still loved him entirely, but she supposed Griff would never know that. He might not even care.

The thoughts of Griff just made her feel worse when she was looking at Celyn. She had no idea how to justify how she had acted last night, and she had meant her words. Celyn had every reason to hate her. She’d gone and ruined everything they had had between them; neither of them would ever forget this night. Of that she was sure. There was a warm feeling which ripped through Caitrin as Celyn said that he could never hate her. That felt more like what they had been to each other, and there was hope there, hope that she hadn’t ruined everything. When he kissed her, it just felt like a friendly embrace, or like a brother would to a sister, as long as you ignored the circumstances. “You would have every reason to; I’ve ruined everything.” She was getting rather good at that. Bit by bit she was managing to ruin her life, she’d wrecked her relationship with Griff, put herself in Morgana’s way, she’d used Celyn and, though no one would ever know, she’d even managed to ruin starting a family.

Caitrin felt her insides turn with guilt as Celyn spoke. She couldn’t understand, how could he hate himself? This had been her fault after all, at least she felt like it was her fault. She hadn’t really given him a choice last night. He had tried to break off from her, but she’d just carried on anyway. She shook her head at him, “Please, don’t say that.” She didn’t want him to hate himself, she didn’t hate him, she still felt guilty for taking advantage of him. “It was my fault Cel. Not yours.” Caitrin took his spare hand and squeezed it softly, she didn’t want Celyn to feel like she blamed him at all, because she didn’t. Now the only thing going through her mind was where they went from here. She didn’t want to lose him, he was her best friend and he’d seen her through so much in their time together, and she’d gone and ruined it in an evening of selfishness. She didn’t want to apologise, because that would mean she regretted what they’d done together, and perhaps that would hurt Celyn even more? She had no idea. “I don’t want to lose you Cel, I just-“ She’d just needed that connection last night, she knew that she did, but that didn’t make it any easier to stomach. “I just can’t lose you, I know what we did, but I don’t want to lose you.”

The morning light was slowly breaking through Caitrin’s sleep, but she didn’t open her eyes just yet. In a few moments of bliss she couldn’t remember what had happened, she could just feel someone’s arms around her, and for a few moments. It didn’t take her long to remember that this wasn’t Griff, and that it was Celyn who was holding her, and pressing his body up against her own. She shifted slightly, so her back was pressed up against his chest. She just didn’t want to move straight away, though she knew she eventually would have to. She already felt the inevitable guilt ripping through her. She tried to ignore it, but the fact was there. She had used her friend for her own selfish means, and there was no going back from that. But still, her hand closed over the one that Celyn had around her, and she squeezed it gently. Caitrin sighed out slowly, and pressed her lips and eyes together. She had no idea what to say to Celyn, what could she possibly have to say to him after what she’d put him through?

Really, Caitrin didn’t want to move, because moving would involve her facing what had happened last night, and trying to make amends for it. She had thought days like this were well behind her, when she’d been younger she had taken men into her bed without a second thought. It had been second nature for her then. Now however it was completely different. She had seduced her best friend because of her own selfish desires. She didn’t regret what they had done, she regretted the way in which it had been done. He had just been so tender with her last night, like he had known that was what she had needed. She couldn’t really explain it, he had said last night that he had wanted her, but she’d just dismissed his words, thinking them nothing but as part of the moment. They probably were, but it didn’t make it any easier to justify what she had done.

Eventually Caitrin opened her eyes slightly, but she was just looking at the wall, her curtains were only half pulled across so the morning light was shining on both of them. She could feel her stomach sink slightly as she knew she was going to have to move and break the silence. Slowly, and carefully, Caitrin flipped herself over, so she was now facing Celyn and she managed a small smile at him. For a moment her head just seemed to stop thinking, and she just stayed silent until she mentally kicked herself, “You must hate me.” Was all she could think to say, how could he do anything but hate her after what she’d done to him?

Where there had been pity, there was just a new feeling of fear and it felt unfamiliar to Caitrin. She wasn’t used to fear, or fearing for her life, but now she felt her pulse run through her and she backed away from the woman in front of her. Though she had felt sorry at first, that Nimueh could not see what Camelot now was, and what it would never return to, now she just didn’t know what to think or feel. She was afraid of the woman, but was she snapping back because she feared that Caitrin was right? Camelot would never accept magic again, and at the bottom of Caitrin’s mind she knew that fact and it hurt. It hurt so much to know she would forever be hiding this fact. She would never be able to teach her children the art of sorcery; that probably hurt most of all. What if she bore children who would inherit her talent? She could accept that she should hide her talents, but why should she force her children into that lifestyle as well? “Magic will never return to Camelot.” She said, almost bitterly. She might pray that it would do, but it never would. What reason would Arthur have to return magic to the Kingdom? He had been raised by Uther, so she had no reason to hope.

Caitrin flinched a little as Nimueh compared her to Arthur. No, Caitrin knew the good of sorcery, but she had never even brought the topic up with her friend. They were incomparable in that way, surely? She bit her lip, not sure of what to say. She began to back away from the woman, scared of what she was capable of. She didn’t want to imagine that Nimueh would hurt her, but she could quickly see her turning nasty, especially with this new revelation. “It’s not like that.” She bit back, not really believing the words herself, but still.

An involuntary chill ran up Caitrin’s spine, and she found herself backing into her mare who she could see was unsettled as well. Caitrin grabbed the reigns, trying to get the mare to settle a little whilst getting rid of the images of the burning pyre in her head. No, she was not going to die, not on the word of this woman. It still frightened her though, and she would be a fool not to be scared. “He-he will not, he would not hurt me.” She was rambling, but her hands were fumbling on the reigns and she was struggling to get Lily free but she eventually managed to. “I’m leaving.” She declared rather boldly, and started to lead Lily from the scene, but she didn’t mount just yet, the terrain was too rocky to mount just yet.