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Griff had thought this had been going rather well, after all, Rouland had agreed to give him and Caitrin his blessing. But then obviously Griff had to go and annoy Rouland - something he managed to do surprisingly easily. Turns it out wasn't going as well as he'd thought. Rouland was looking at him with that...that look of his. The one that always made Griff feel even more awkward, because obviously he wasn't feeling awkward enough. Not enough for Rouland's liking anyway. Damn that man. He pressed his lips together. Couldn't he just run away now? He'd got what he wanted from the man, he didn't want to be having this conversation anymore. Surely the feeling was mutual?

"Yes, sorry, thank you, Rouland." Griff said, feeling even more like an idiot now. Caitrin better appreciate just how stressful this was for him. Honestly the things he did for her...and himself, but even so. He still wanted her to be appreciative of his efforts. This was like being back at home, having to face his father after a particularly good day of "dishonouring the family name" - having to stand in front of a proper adult and have a proper conversation and ending up feeling like a child again. Well he wanted none of it.

The young man had a feeling Rouland was not trying to be overly friendly with his "welcome". He looked at the man, trying to work out whether he was being genuine or sarcastic but of course didn't say anything. Say something to Rouland would never end well, especially when he was already nervous and awkward and really, really wanting to be somewhere else. His suspicions were only increased when he was offered wine. Rouland didn't give wine to anyone, regardless of whether they were going to marry their niece. There was something very not right going on, but again, he wasn't going to say anything because he'd already made enough of a fool out of himself. "Thank you." He said and waited a few moments before taking a sip. Hmm. Not bad.

“I assume you would like to speak about the business side of matter as well?”

Oh...brilliant. Griff hadn't actually considered this. The situation may have just got a tad more awkward, which was rather impressive. Griff just stared at the man, unsure of what to say. Did Rouland want to discuss it? He must do, otherwise he wouldn't bring it up... In truth, Griff didn't care one bit about whether there was a dowry or not. He wasn't interested in Caitrin's money, not anymore.

He shifted rather uncomfortably in his seat. It seemed he wouldn't be leaving any time soon. Excellent. "Erm..." his voice was slightly higher pitched than normal. Well that was embarrassing. He tried clearing his throat. "If-if you want...I don't really know...the form..." Obviously he'd managed to convince Rouland of the opposite thus far. Oh, why had he thought this would be a good idea?

Everything Caitrin said just served to cement what Griff had already thought. He didn't deserve this, he had no right to stand here and ask forgiveness. It didn't matter how honest he was being now, how much he wanted to pretend it hadn't happen, to just ignore everything and go back to the way things were, that just wasn't going to happen. They were both too broken for that, and it was, as always, his fault. He'd had something wonderful in his life so he'd ruined it because he was Griff Aubert and that's what he did. So how could he stand there and tell her that there was nothing in the world he wanted so much as her, that he'd do everything within his power to bring her happiness and expect her to believe it? His actions had already proven the opposite was true. Of course he would tell her, how could he not? But he wouldn't expect her to believe him. They were far too gone for that. He bit his lip, willing the right words to come. He was always so good with words, any words, all words, words to make him look better, words to make women feel better, words for any and every occassion except the one time he needed them, the one time he needed someone to really believe him. Nothing would be good enough.

He wanted to say that he'd never run away again, that this was it, no matter what happened, but how could he promise that? Would she believe him? Should she believe him? He couldn't believe himself, so it was unlikely Caitrin would. He couldn't stand there and make an empty promise, but he couldn't let her think that he didn't care either because he cared about her more than anything and this was killing him. His fists clenched and unclenched a few times and all he could do was look at her and try to think of the right words. He just needed her to know that he was sorry, so, so sorry for this, for every thing, for not being brave enough, for not fighting for her, for not coming back sooner. For every single mistake that he made, and then she'd forgive him and everything would be fine and they'd be happy. "Of course I want to stay with you." The words felt hollow despite how much he meant them. "I want everything to be like it was before...before I-" he exhaled, "before I left." Or before he ran away, to put it another way, before he went and ruined everything, to put it a better way.

The only thing worse than seeing Caitrin crying would be to see her try so hard not to cry. He wanted to put his arms around her, hold her close to him and tell her everything would be alright. He wanted to let her cry, to let her be vulnerable and not have to care about what other people thought, or trying to be strong. But he didn't, he didn't do anything despite how much he wanted to. It seemed to be a recurring theme. He never did anything unless it was the wrong thing, especially around Caitrin. The worst thing was that he knew he was doing the wrong thing, he always, always knew it, but usually it was the easiest thing, the quickest way to escape, only he never did escape. He sat in taverns and tried to forget and move on but it never worked. He'd still wake up every morning filled with regret, hating himself and his actions but it was too late by then. All he could do was run further and faster. "A lot of things would have been different if I'd stayed." He replied, the regret thick in his voice. Griff Aubert was not in the habit of remorse, he never allowed himself to care enough, but this was Caitrin and there was nothing he wouldn't do to make everything alright, to make her smile, or hell, have her angry with him, have her shouting and attacking him. He'd take anything over this...this broken woman. It was a punishment he couldn't bear, it was a reminder of how he ruined everything.

Griff just stared at her, a mixture of confusion, shock and fear on his face. She couldn't mean what he thought she'd meant. He was wrong, he had to be wrong because that wasn't possible, that wasn't allowed to happen. He'd never forgive himself if- he wasn't going to allow himself to think the words, because if he didn't think the words then it wasn't that. It couldn't be. Caitrin was not allowed to suffer that on her own. He bit down on his lip, trying to keep himself together. The last thing Caitrin needed was Griff falling apart, especially if his fears were confirmed. "W-what...what do you mean?" His voice was low, shaking, and already convinced that his conclusions were right but desperately hoping to anything that they weren't.

Griff found himself rather surprised by his brother's words. He'd always seen Lucan as the one who get himself out of anything. He was the one with the knighthood, the proper home, the stability, he even had the girl. Whereas Griff was living with his brother's uncle, just wandering through life and doing anything but getting the girl. It seemed a little odd then that Lucan was telling Griff that he was the one who would "always pick himself back up again". Maybe it was because Lucan had never had to do that. Yes, he left Glouchedon but he'd quickly found his feet again. When Griff ran away it wasn't to find some nice relative to take him in, it was to keep away from all relatives in general and forget what it was that made him run in the first place.

He just looked at his brother for a moment or two, trying to fully process what he'd just said. Lucan couldn't actually think he was good at that sort of thing? Before he came back to Camelot he was wasting his life in taverns, it was only until someone told him to get a grip and get over himself that he came back. Griff wasn't definitely not one for looking after himself. Of course he didn't say any of that. That was a road he didn't particularly want to go down and it wouldn't make Lucan feel any better. He needed to say something good, something reassuring, only he wasn't very good at that sort of thing either. "Of course I'm right." He said firmly, the merest trace of a smile betraying his otherwise completely serious exterior. "When am I not?"

Griff smiled back at his older brother, it felt weird hearing him say that he was actually needed. Normally it was the other way around. Griff would turn up a complete mess and Lucan would sigh and making some judgemental comment and then everything would be alright again. But now it was Griff who was expected to make everything alright and it was a rather strange role-reversal. "It's all going to work out," he replied, still smiling before adding, "Seriously. You're getting married! You should be excited. You can panic the day before."

When Griff had been in his brother's shoes, he'd certainly been excited. Yes, he was terrified as well because this was Griff Aubert - he didn't do responsibility or having to care about someone else, but then Caitrin had walked into his life, or rather, he'd become a slight stalker but the details weren't important. Either way, she'd changed his mind considerably and become someone he couldn't imagine life without. So of course he'd had to go and ruin that because that's what he did. His smile faded somewhat as Lucan spoke of Camila. The feelings he'd been trying to ignore for months were no longer willing to remain dormant. He missed her, quite simply. He loved her. She was, Jesu, she was everything to him. She was going to be his wife, she was going to make everything alright, going to give his otherwise failing life some sort of meaning. Because that's what she did. He'd been useless and miserable and wasting his life, he'd been doing everything wrong but not really caring about it because there'd always been just him. And now there was just him again and he was having to smile and be happy and watch his brother find his own happiness, knowing that he'd gone and ruined his own chances of ever doing the same.

But he was damned if he was going to let Lucan know any of this. So he put on a smile and desperately tried to ignore all his thoughts about Caitrin. This was not a time for self-pitying and it certainly wouldn't help Lucan any. He wasn't exactly sure what would help Lucan, so he was just going to make that up as he went along. "Well, you love her so," he shrugged, "that's more important. Yes, you're scared but the thought of her being your wife...doesn't that make up for it?" For once, Griff was actually speaking through experience, even if his own engagement hadn't...quite worked out.

Griff narrowed his eyes at her. She really wasn't helping, which he supposed was the point, but even so. He was still going to glare. She knew full well that it bothered him - why else would she be doing it? She was an evil woman, albeit a very attractive one. He just had to continue ignoring her as he was doing and eventually she'd get bored. Caitrin really wasn't one for hanging around, if he just stayed as he was she'd soon find something else to amuse herself with, and then he would have proven that he could last as long as he wanted. All would be well with the world. And then he'd jump on her. His point would already have been proven, after all.

"It doesn't bother me at all." He lied quite blatantly. They both knew her actions were bothering him rather a lot, but he wasn't about to go around admitting that. Rather annoyingly, he couldn't help but close his eyes, savouring the sensation of her lips so close to his, becoming increasingly frustrated when she didn't close the gap between them completely and not allowing himself to do the same thing. He wasn't going to break now. "When do I go for the easy option?"

Of cours he wasn't complaining, well, only in so much as she was very good at tempting him and equally good at making him even more stubborn and determined not to give in to such temptation. She was enjoying this far more than she should be, and definitely far more than he was. But he'd quite made him his mind to pay her back for that. "When do I ever complain about what you do?" Quite often actually, but that wasn't the point. He didn't complain when she was doing these sorts of things.

Griff hadn't had time to fully register her answer before she'd thrown her arms around him and he was taken rather off balance. His own arms automatically found her waist, holding her as close to him as possible. “Yes, Griff Aubert, I will be your wife.” He pulled back slightly, just enough so he could see her properly. She really was the most beautiful person in the world and she was going to be his wife...that was a rather strange thought. He had to repeat it a few times in his head. Caitrin was going to be his wife. "Well, Caitrin de Archer - soon to be Caitrin Aubert - you may have just made me the happiest man alive."

Alright, his words had actually touched a nerve. Griff hadn't expected his brother to be quite so sensitive - surely Lucan knew he wasn't being serious? Well, judging by his reaction he had assumed that. He just sat there rather awkwardly as Lucan started ranting - or not really ranting, just being annoyed, unjustifiably so in Griff's opinion. It was a long held opinion of his that Lucan needed to stop worrying about everything and just enjoy life. It would really do him no good to get so wound up about everything - especially not this. He was going to have to do it at some point, he'd have thought his brother would want to be a little more pro-active about it. Did he really want to be a disappointment his first time? Obviously he did, but, it was his decision so Griff would leave him to it.

He threw his hands up, giving his brother his best look of innocence. "Alright, I take it back." His hands were still in the air, rather tentatively, as if trying to protect their owner from another of Lucan's rant. "I just thought you might want some advice, that's all. Obviously not..." He trailed off with a definite tone. He might not be able to convince Lucan that he was right, but he could definitely be judgemental about it. Really, all Griff was caring about here was his brother's wellfare, but Lucan was determined to be an idiot about it.

Griff was fairly certain that as long as Caitrin didn't go around biting her lip he wouldn't break. He'd never been an advocat for self-restraint, especially when Caitrin was involved but this was quickly going to turn into a matter of pride. Caitrin could look as confident as she wanted, Griff had decided he was going to win this and that was that...no matter how hard she was making it for him...damn her. Of course this would all be much easier if she kept her hands to herself. He shifted slightly, trying not to think about the way her hair fell when she moved her head, or the suggestion in her tone. He liked to think he had more self-restraint than this, but so far he wasn't doing all that good a job at proving it. "You can flick you hair all you want, you're not going to break me." He said firmly and cross his arms in front of his chest, looking at her with an expression of determination. Anything she had planned wasn't going to work.

He knew full well that Caitrin was joking, but even so, it was a rather bad choice of words. Caitrin was many things, but subtle was definitely not one of them. He raised a disbelieving eyebrow but was unable to remove his smile, ruining the affect somewhat. "This is you being subtle? Well I'd love to see you being obvious."

Griff had been expecting a rather different reaction, which, in hindsight was stupid of him because this was Caitrin. When did she ever do what he expected? And while she hadn't said the word "yes" she was smiling and not making some comment or other in that tone of hers - the one she used when he'd said something particularly stupid, so that was a good sign, yes? In fairness, he hadn't been planning on asking her, it had just sort of happened so he could be forgiven for it not being quite up to her standards. He just rolled his eyes at her - feeling rather confident that she was just being annoying for the sake of it, and when he did ask her "properly" he'd hear the answer he wanted. "Well stand up then. If I've got to do this properly then so have you."

While it was true that Gwaine was raising a good point, it was also true that Griff really wasn't in the mood for good points to be raised. He was in the mood for not having a panic attack and generally being able to cope with his wife being in labour. "I would have you say...nice things." Griff replied, waving his hand in his friend's general direction. "Things to make me feel better. But you're...rubbish." It seemed his inability to cope at present was also making him unable to speak articulately. He didn't care though, he was getting his point across.

His child might not be in the world yet, but he was fairly certain he wouldn't be letting them near Gwaine with a bow or a sword. That would just not end well, and he'd rather like to still have a child at the end of such a meeting. Preferably one that was still intact. None of that really mattered though, because, as he'd just thought, his child wasn't in the world yet. He closed his eyes as a horrible thought found its way into his head. He'd been trying so hard not to think about it, but somehow Gwaine's thoughts had brought the fear to the forefront of his mind. Until the child was delivered, and until he saw Caitrin, they could both be in danger. She wouldn't be the first mother to die during childbirth, and the child wouldn't be the first either. Oh Jesu. He didn't want to think about that. He wanted to know that both Caitrin and the child would be perfectly fine, that he had nothing to worry about. "At this point I just want a healthy child. And Cait...I want Cait to..." he trailed off, not allowing himself to say the words because he was just worrying over nothing and everything would be fine because Caitrin was strong and healthy and there was no way she was going to let herself die during childbirth. Everything would be fine. He had nothing to worry about, nothing whatsoever. It would be fine.

“Well it’s not like you have to do it on your own.”

Griff had already convinced himself that the worst was going to happen and so Gwaine's words were of no comfort whatsoever. If anything it just made him panic more. "But what if I do? How many women don't survive? Or what if they both...what if I lose..." he clenched his fists, trying to calm down, only it wasn't working. "Everything will be fine, won't it?" The words were rather rushed, desperate almost, he just needed someone to tell him that yes, things would be fine and he should stop worrying and just sit and wait.

“Have you told your wife any of this?”

He just shrugged rather non-committedly. Caitrin always managed to make him see sense and reassure him that he wasn't going to completely fail as a father, but without her all of that just sort of crumbled. "Well it's a bit late now." Griff replied, running a hand through his hair. "Besides, she's had enough to worry about herself. I didn't want to make her worry more."

Gwaine's words, simple as they were, were rather surprisingly calming him down a bit. It was a long standing argument between him and Caitrin that a son should be called Griff. For some reason quite unknown to himself she didn't seem to think this was a good idea. She was clearly an idiot. "I don't think Cait would let me." He said with a small laugh. "I am excited...it's just...everything else. The worry, the not knowing if...no. Cait will be fine. The baby will be fine. I'm exicted. There." He exhaled. He had decided it would all go smoothly, so it had to now.

To say it was a strange moment was rather an understatement. Griff was holding his child, his daughter it was...overwhelming. That was probably the best word. She really was perfect and so small and with eyes exactly like her mother, and hair like her mother. She was basically just a mini Caitrin, not that he was going to tell his wife that because she'd probably be smug about it. He was still holding his daughter, but he briefly turned his attention away from her to look at his son. Caitrin was right, they were both perfect, there really was no other way to describe them. And they were theirs, and they were going to be loved and protected and so bloody happy. "Hmm?" Griff had been rather distracted by his son and hadn't noticed his daughter was staring. Well, she clearly knew which was the better parent. "Oh," he grinned, "What else do you expect? She knows a good thing when she sees it."

Yes, she was ginger. It was a relief that Caitrin hadn't somehow lost her sight during childbirth. It would be rather impressive not to see his daughter's far too bright red hair. "I had noticed," he said, grinning at Caitrin. He was trying to be more serious in his teasing, but it was impossible to keep a smile of his face with his newborn daughter in his arms. "We're not going with mini Caitrin then?" He wasn't surprised, Caitrin hadn't been quite so forward about her expectations for a miniture version of herself, unlike him. He also wasn't surprised when she suggested naming their son. That would be a no to Griff then. That was disappointing. He'd have to try again in a few months time...

Hmm. Naming a child was rather important. He didn't want them stuck with a name they hated. He bit his lip, going through a few names in his head, trying to see if he could imagine himself calling his daughter that. He shifted slightly so he could still hold her close to him but with a hand free and ran his finger along her tiny ones. Everything about her was so small and new and fragile. "What about Esmae?" He suggested, tearing his eyes away from her to look at his wife for approval. "It's either that or Griffina."

His cheek still hurt, but that wasn't nearly as important anymore because Caitrin was, Caitrin always was, and although he wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to be dealing with the situation he was pretty certain his previous attempts had been prime examples of how not to behave in this situation. He wasn't being intentionally awful, he was just genuinely awful whenever something happened. "You are different." he replied, sighing because he was annoyed at himself for not being better and handling this and it was his fault if Caitrin didn't trust him. "For starters, you can't talk properly." He grinned, trying to lighten the mood. "I don't care if you're blue or had five legs, it doesn't matter."

He bit his lip at her next words, he couldn't remain angry at her, or even slightly annoyed. Magic was not something one went around shouting about in Camelot and although, yes, she should have told him sooner, in the grand scheme of things it didn't matter. She was his wife, no matter how many people she'd turned into toads. "Well, you've told me now." He shrugged, trying to make everything seem less important. He was glad that she said she trusted him though, because her not knowing how to tell him was one thing - and something that, as proven, they could deal with - but he wasn't sure he could deal with her not being able to trust him. He didn't have to though, because she did.

Ah! She smiled! He must have done something right! His own smile increased, pleased that he'd actually managed to say the right thing - whatever that thing was. "Well, it wasn't the first thing..." He replied, his mind already wandering to certain events that happened that day. That was the day he'd first realised what Caitrin could do to him, how she could make him feel, amongst other things.

He was pleased to see that she was teasing him, that the mood was lightening. He really didn't want to be annoyed with her, and he'd like even more for her to not be annoyed with him. After everything that had happened that night, an argument would really, really not be welcomed. "Well I've often wondered why I married a...Mercian." At her next question he took her hand, and squeezed it gently, his other hand cupping her face, thumb brushing against her cheek lightly. "Of course I don't. You're still annoying. And I still love you...must be those charms again."