Guilty Pleasures

[Arthur Pendragon]

He knew that the move couldn't have been easy for her. "He can still spend time here." But he knew what she meant. It wouldn't be so easy for him to adjust to living in the lower towns, while wanting to be near knights. "He has no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed of his life, or yours." If that was one thing Arthur could say . . . it was that he was never ashamed of Guinevère. And he doubted her son would ever be embarrassed of the lifestyle she had lived prior to marrying a knight. He was slowly trying to build a kingdom that strived for equality. He had thought that it could start by marrying a woman of non noble blood . . . but it had actually started with him knighting men of non-noble blood. And it would build from there. The generation of knights with non noble blood had already commenced. With Thomas. "Your son is the start of a new generation. Those of non noble blood, who will become knights." It was not a question of maybe becoming a knight.

Everyone knew that Lancelot was a commoner prior to gaining status and over the years, people had adjusted to such men: Elyan, Gwaine and Percival of the like. But where it really started, was with their sons. Because those would be the ones raised to be knights, rather than just be knighted. "He represents the start of a new era. Of a kingdom where men are judged by what is in their heart, rather than by what blood runs through their veins. He is the first of this group." And he doubted he would be the last for eventually, the others who fell into this category [Elyan, Percival and Gwaine . . . and even Guinevère if she were to have more children] would eventually -- god willing -- have children of their own. "That is not something he should be ashamed of. It is something he should be proud of." And it was part of the reason Arthur was strongly supportive of him to become a knight.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère smiled softly when he told her that Thomas would not be ashamed of her past, but she wasn't sure. He was raised as a noble and right now, no other child he spent time with was old enough to understand that some nobles were real and some where not. "When you knighted the men, they became nobles. Their children are not nobles. Thomas is a noble now, and I am afraid for him to learn that was not." She admitted.

"I know he will not stop loving me, but . . . " How to explain it to him? "Before you became friends with Merlin, you would not even be seen drinking with him. You did not walk beside him, but he behind you. You can change the rules, and give good men the chance they have earned. But people take longer to change their minds. To let things change."

"What will you do if a farmer comes to train as a knight? Will you give all a chance?" She asked, wondering if it ended with these new knights, or if he was going to completely open the field.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur listened and could understand her concerns. Initially, many did not know what to make of the new knights, but over time . . . things were slowly changing. "It will not be an immediate change," he began to tell her. "But people are slowly accepting this new mindset. That men of non noble blood can also be honorable and deserve the rank of knight." It was his goal. Not only to bring peace to Camelot, but also to promote equality. He wanted that sort of kingdom for all to live in . . . because a world of title and ranks would only keep them in the past. When he wished Camelot to become more modern and set a standard for other kingdoms to hopefully follow. "It will take time. But it is changing every day." He saw it. The council no longer questioned the men's loyalty or capability. They had proven so many times how honorable they were, single handedly saving the kingdom . . . just as Lancelot had done.

He wanted to mention just how much Lancelot's actions had impacted everyone in terms of acceptance, but he did not wish to bring up her husband's death. "What will you do if a farmer comes to train as a knight? Will you give all a chance?" A relevant question. One that Arthur had thought about before in terms of how far he wanted to extend this idea of equal men with equal rights. "Perhaps one day." But he also knew that not every single person could become a knight. That it was not like that. "If a man proves himself worthy, then he will not be deprived of the right to be a knight." Meaning if he showed honor, and skill. For instance, should William return and decide to be a knight . . . while he had a good heart, there were other things that would prevent him from being a suitable knight.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère knew that until that mind set was changed, that her and Lancelot's past could come back to be used against her son. Her's more so, because she'd been a servant and even on arrested a few times. Her past was rather dark and shady, and she had not told Thomas about it. She wasn't sure how to tell him, that he was noble but she wasn't completely one.

"I think it's good you give all men a chance to prove they are more then what their fathers were." She told him, "That they do not have to do what their fathers did, and live the way their fathers did." She was making a point here, but would not say it out loud. That he was living the way his father had, pushing all others away. She wanted him to follow his own beliefs.

She walked over tot he table to get one of the heavy chairs and pull it over near the bed, so she could sit while talking to him. Once there she took a seat and folded her hands on her lab. Now they could speak in comfort.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur had not missed the underlying meaning in her words. He knew she was relating the issue to him and his own father, following in his footsteps. But Arthur knew better. He was his own man, but he was also his father's son. And he was stronger for it. "Regardless, a man will always have part of his father in him." Because . . . that was the way children were. "And it can make them stronger." Whether it was in terms of actions, beliefs, or values. A man would always have part of both his parents in them, somehow. Just as Thomas would have parts of Lancelot in him, despite the fact that the man did not raise him. It would be more of Guinevère's influence however that would shape him to be strong, and kind . . . and all the other traits she possessed that made her such a wonderful person.

He watched her walk to get a chair, not quite having realized that the wound was fully tended to and now it was just about sitting, and spending time together. Arthur adjusted his position, trying to sit more upright, rather than slouch against the board of the bed. He looked down at his bandaged leg, not doubting that she had done a perfect job of tending to it. "Thank you," he told her gratefully. For having fixed his shoulder -- even though she'd been so uncomfortable doing so -- and now had cleaned and bandaged his wound.

[Guinevère]

"Yes, a father can make them stronger, they should take that but not be limited to it." She told him, trying to make him see. It seemed however that Arthur did not wish to speak of these things. In stead he pushed to sit up some and then thanked her in that tone that made her insides turn. In a very good way. She knew things could not be between them but she was growing tired of reminding her self of this.

She loved him, and she wanted to be around him, even if it was only as a friend. She needed to be around him and wasn't sure she would stop. Yet she knew that when his wife returned that it would be harder and miles more inappropriate. She knew that, and she wasn't sure how to handle it. "You're welcome." She said back, with a soft smile on her face, which turned brighter at the sounds of small feet coming their way carefully. "I love you." She whispered once more, as she heard Thomas enter on the other side.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"Yes, a father can make them stronger, they should take that but not be limited to it." She was right. Arthur did not want the conversation to linger on this, knowing they would disagree. Because, he had become someone else. And she still had faith that he was a king who had the ability to follow his heart. He heard upcoming footsteps, knowing that with how light they were it could only mean one person: Thomas. This was something he was relieved for because it meant that no one else had found him yet. That he was still able to take a few more moments to just . . . relax. Something he'd not done for a while. Though it seemed that all the time he spent with her was more calming and relaxing than he'd ever been for the past few years.

He did not have a chance to respond to her words before Thomas entered the room. Arthur gave a faint smile to the young boy. "Thomas," he greeted with a bit of a nod. It seemed that his time with her was over for the moment. But he would not unwelcome the boy's company. Arthur's fondness for him was growing each day, and he knew he could never be his father . . . but found himself wanting to be his mentor. Knowing it was not fully appropriate, but also hearing that Guinevère did want him in his life encouraged him to take this role more seriously than just being a casual acquiantence.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère watched as Thomas walked closer, "My lord," He greeted in return, and held up a small bowel he was carrying. "I brought you the willow bark." He sat it down with both hands beside the bed, as if it were glass. Once it was there he exhaled loudly, as if he'd been trying not to drop it and break it all the way up here. Guinevère laughed silently at the gesture, loving how children made everything cute, and better. Wonderful.

Guinevère took this moment to stand and turn to walk over in order to get Arthur's wine pitcher and pour some into a glass. Thomas turned toward Arthur and looked down at his leg, that was wrapped tight and clean, then up at him. Reaching over he put his small hand over Arthur's and just nodded. She had turned back to walk over to them, but paused when she saw it. She wasn't sure what that mean but she knew that Thomas loved Arthur. "Mamas make everything better." He told Arthur, "You can borrow mine for a while. I don't need her until bed time."

Guinevère's face went from a smile to a open surprise, her hand coming up to cover her lips. Thomas's back was to her, for he was facing Arthur but she didn't need to see her son's face to know that he was not joking. He also could not know what he was saying. Her heart swelled and broke at the same time. She wanted so badly in this moment for this child to be Arthur's son. Or for them to have a son together.

She found her self wishing she had lifted her skirts and taken him deep inside of her to plant his seed of a child with in her rather then giving him ease of another type. That she had made sure he came deep inside of her so the risk was even higher that she grew large and round with his child just under her heart. She wanted that child more then anything in this moment. She wanted to child it, and love it. To be held by him, and love by him.

Guinevère's hand dropped down to her belly, as she thought about it. As she had to fight to not let her self be heart broken by the child she could not have. In her mind, part of her was starting to see how it could even work out. Finding wholes and plans but she pushed them away! NO! It would not happen! Could not happen! It was forbidden!

That was when she knew what she DID want from Arthur and what she could ask of him. Not now, but soon. There was something he could give her, that she wanted from him.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur watched Thomas draw closer as he set down the bowl with relief. He couldn't help but smile at him. "Thank you," he told him gratefully, always appreciative of the young boy's actions . . . finding himself growing more attached to him. He noticed Guinevère walk away and briefly glanced at her to see that she was pouring him a cup of wine. Even though Arthur had no intention of drinking it with the medicine inside. He would fall asleep and if he was to spend this afternoon with her -- and perhaps even Thomas -- then he didn't want to spend such precious moments sleeping. Thomas' actions then surprised him, though he showed no sign of it. He looked down at the young boy's hand as it rested over his. It was such a simple gesture, but one that caught Arthur off guard . . . and made him feel, loved. Like Thomas could . . . be like a son to him. He had constantly reminded himself that he could never step in as that paternal role.

Mentor, yes. Tutor, of course. But not father. Yet in this moment, the boy was the closest thing he had to a son. The closest bond he would have to another child . . . that was not his own. That could never be his own. He felt his heart ache more than ever over the recent loss of the child he'd suffered. And then ache more at the realization that he could never have a child with the woman that he wanted to have one with. He just kept looking at the small boy's hand. After having already teared today, he did not want to allow himself to do so again. So this time, he held back the tears . . . feeling far more emotionally vulnerable than he ever had in years. He forced a smile on his lips and looked at Thomas in the eyes as he spoke his next words, offering his mother. This just surprised him more, but again, showed no signs of this surprise nor affection he held for Thomas. Even more so, concealing the affection he felt for his mother.

Arthur wasn't sure if he was serious or not. But he could try to play along some. He noticed Guinevère watching, his eyes glancing behind Thomas to her, aware of her surprise. So Thomas wasn't joking then? He wasn't sure what to say . . . feeling at a strong loss of words. Looking at her for a few moments his eyes fell back to Thomas. "I wouldn't want to keep her from you," he told him with a smile. Still. To hear him offer that he could remain in her company . . . was a lot for a young boy to say. One who was attached to his mother. Which was why Arthur felt like he didn't quite know what to say about the boy's offer. "But you are right. She is a wonderful woman. Which is why you should take care of her as best you can. Protect her, and look after her." Arthur could only do this from afar and he wished he could offer a more . . . permanent bond with her. That of a husband and a father, rather than a bystander and king.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère watched Arthur speak to Thomas and wondered if that was how a father spoke to his son. Taught him to be good to women and protect them. If these words were ones that were meant to be Lancelot but at the same time were meant to be from Arthur. "I do take care of her. Anytime she sees a spider, she yells and I come running. I protect her!" Thomas told Arthur and Guinevère covered her face so no open would see her blush.

She approached then and held the glass out to Arthur, "Let me put some the of willow bark in it to help with the pain." she told him. When he reached for it their fingers touched and she didn't let go for a few moments. Looking into his eyes, she smiled softly for a moment. This was how things were meant to be? Would this be what she was going if she was his wife and this their child? Would she had spent the past few years being loved and filled by him? Anna. He said he would call a daughter Anna. They could have had Anna. Been happy. He would still laugh and she would still cook.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur's smile turned into a slightly amused one when he spoke of how he killed spiders for his mother. "That is very brave of you," he complimented. Finding it rather adorable that Guinevère had such a fear. And that it was her son who fought them off for her. "I know you must protect her very well. And that you will continue to do so." He was not only saying it as a future knight's attitude towards women . . . but because the bond between a son and mother was something that was so very important. Arthur had never had the influence of his mother in his life. And Guinevère hadn't either. He could tell she was a bit embarrassed, only finding it sweeter. When she held out the cup for him, he took it, feeling his fingers brush against hers. Another simple gesture yet one that he would never grow used to.

He finally took the cup in his hand, breaking the contact and already missing it. "It's fine," he told her, not wanting to take the medicine. He didn't want to sleep when he could be conscious in both her and her son's company. They would never have this moment again and he wanted to enjoy it, rather than sleep through it. Now the reason he didn't want to sleep had become to spend time with her, rather than going to check on his men. He knew it made him selfish, but he didn't think of it that way just yet. His thoughts were only of her and how much he loved being with her. "I don't need the medicine just yet." Not wanting to make Thomas' efforts to bring it seem useless, he merely suggested that he would take it later. Not now.

[Guinevère]

Thomas looked from Arthur to his mother and then back at Arthur, "From what?" He asked, clearly not understanding that you had to take care of people, even when nothing scary was around to fight off. Guinevère only smiled and put her hand on top of Thomas' head to ruffle his hair. To Arthur, however, she spoke. "Let me put just a little in. Not enough to make you sleep but to help ease the pain."

Thomas turned to look at his mother and asked, "Do king's have to do what Mamas say?" Guinevère smiled, reaching for a little bit of the willow bark, "No one ever tells kings what to do." So to amended her statement she looked at Arthur, "Please, let me." So it was more of a request then a demand, and Thomas would understand. The chair was close enough that once Arthur answered, she could sit down in it, and pull Thomas onto her lap. Together they could sit there, and keep the king company.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur didn't further reply to Thomas' question, growing distracted by Guinevère's words of allowing her to put some of the medicine into his cup. He looked at her for a moment, internally debating if he wanted to take the risk, but knew that a very small amount would not make him drowsy. Only relaxed. And it would help to ease the pain in his shoulder which was still yet throbbing. Thomas' question brought a smile to his lips, her answer changing her previous words to a request rather than a demand. It was so strange to think that he had thought of his future with her as his queen . . . that she would offer advice and council and he would heed to it. Yet now, hearing her say that no one told the king what to do . . . showed how long ago such a dream was.

One that had almost seemed attainable at the time."Just a little bit then," he told her, still with a soft smile on his lips, unable to refuse her when she knew she was just taking care of him. Wanting to minimize his pain. He looked to Thomas while waiting for her to put a bit in her cup, watching from the corner of his eye. "Kings should listen when someone wise is telling them something. Such as your mother." Trying not to personalize it, but wanting him to know that he did respect her opinion and what words she offered him. Whether it was about giving him medicine, or something more complex.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère put a just a little bit of the willow bark in his wine, knowing that between the drink it's self the the medicine that he would at least had the edge dulled from the pain, though she hoped she put enough in to make him rest enough for the day since he would not sleep now. Sitting, she pulled Thomas into her lap like she had planned to do, wrapping both arms around him.

Thomas looked up at his mother, "The king said your wise." Guinevère blush and spoke back, "Sometimes." She told him, not wanting to disagree with a king and teach her son bad manners. "Did you know the king likes riddles too?" Thomas looked over at Arthur in surprise. "Really, sire?" Guinevère smiled at Arthur over Thomas' head. "I like them too! I like the easy ones." She admitted and Guinevère laughed silently.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Once the medicine was put into the wine, he took a small sip of it, listening the conversation between mother and son. It was so casual. This, was all so casual. And had the true circumstances of this not existed . . . then it was how he would have envisioned his life. His wife and son, sitting with him. Preferably not because he was injured in his bed. But of course, that was just one of the many things that reminded him of the harsh reality of all this. He would not dwell on it too deep. He just wanted to enjoy the moment. When the subject of riddles arose, he continued to smile, finding it difficult to show any other emotion when Thomas was with them. He was such a bright child. And Arthur meant all he said when giving him words of praise.

"Do you?" He asked, having remembered that he did like riddles. That he had a book sitting over on his shelf of ones that he used to read from and do as a child. He'd read it over enough times to memorize them so he did not need to ask for it now. Should Thomas wish to solve any. "Would you like me to give you a riddle then?" He offered, not remembering the last time he had done something so . . . relaxed. Offering a verbal puzzle to another. It felt strange and yet, so comfortable at the same time.

[Guinevère]

"Yes, my lord! And ease one!" He asked and Guinevère gave his leg a swift and soft pat. His face turned to a brighter grin, "I mean, an hard one." He looked at his mother and Guinevère smiled down at him. "Trying harder ones means you have to think more and you get better." She told him, and he turned to look at Arthur, his face telling him that he wanted an easy one.

Guinevère looked over at Arthur for a moment and wondered if this was how things could have been. Him coming home from a battle and their family coming together to be with each other. If on some mornings when the kingdom could spare if for a bit, that they could all crawl in and just talk and play. Enjoy life, and love it. be happy. I love you, she mentally told him, but knew that there was no way he could know what she was thinking.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur thought for a moment, trying to pick a good one. He didn't want to give him one that was too difficult nor long. Just a simpler one, but that still served the purpose of exercising ones mind. "We'll start with one that is not too hard, but not entirely easy." The boy was only four after all. He wasn't about to give him an overly complicated riddle. He took another sip of his wine, his mind searching through an accumulation of riddles that he had learned over the years -- his younger years -- trying to select an appropriate one. When he finally silently picked, he moved the cup away from his lips and began to recite it.

"I tolerate the moon and stars. I can't abide the sun. Banish me with torch light. And you'll see me turn and run." There were enough key words in there to focus on for him to get it if he thought enough about it. Plus it was one that rhymed, and was a bit more playful than the others. Apparently, Arthur took his riddles seriously. "What do you think Thomas?" He asked, awaiting his answer.

[Guinevère]

Thomas watched him for a long moment before he grinned, "I know this one! It's darkness!" he said proudly, looking between his mother and Arthur. "That was is easy!" He laughed and then asked, "I can tell you one!" Guinevère sat back in the chair, in more contentness then she had ever felt in the years since she lost Arthur. Felt peaceful and joyful.

Thomas ended up moving back wit her, so that he was curled fully in her lap, his head resting back on her arm. "This one is one for knights!" He said excited, "A hoard of rings am I, but no fit gift for a bride; I can not protect you from foe's wit; but if you dawn me and I fit; I will protect you from the swordmen's kiss." Guinevère wasn't sure where he heard that one, it sounded a bit much for a four year old but she didn't have to think hard. There were limited number of men who were around him that could teach him things.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur nodded his head when Thomas got it so quickly. Perhaps he should have given him a more challenging one, but there seemed to be time for that. "Very good," he congratulated. He awaited his own riddle that Thomas offered to give him, listening attentively. The boy really did have quite a strong intellect for his age, as he pronounced the words from the riddle with such ease and with excellent rhythm. Furthermore, that he remembered all of it so easily. It convinced Arthur more than ever that he truly enjoyed riddles, and it was not just something that he did to casually pass the time. It was something he had strong interest in. "Hmmm, now let's see . . . "

He was pretending to think deeply on the answer, though he already knew it.A pensive expression formed on his face as he allowed a few moments to pass, taking another sip of his wine, and slowly feeling the effects of the medicine soothe the aches of his wound. "Is it perhaps, chainmail?" He questioned, confident in his answer but was just playing around with the possibility that he was jokingly guessing. "I may have to think of a more challenging one for you," he added with slight teasing.

[Guinevère]

Thomas laughed when Arthur started thinking and then clapped his hands when he got it. "That is the hardest one I know!" Thomas admitted, and shifted on his mother's lap to be more settled into her arms. Guinevère settled her arms around him to better support him. She knew where this was going. Thomas would talk and talk until one moment they would look down at him and he'd be napping.

It would not be the first, nor the last that he would fall sleep in her arms in mid conversation. children seemed to go as hard as they could until they crashed. "Are you going to win the joust against Sir Percival next month, my lord?" He asked, clearly distracted from riddles. Guinevère smiled, knowing that Thomas was looking forward tot hat match, as he did with all of the jousts.