Guilty Pleasures

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur lowered his head in a mock bow when Thomas clapped for him having gotten the right answer. For him to find so much enjoyment in something that Arthur had liked doing when he was young. . . well, it made him remind him of his childhood. Of how he had wanted to be so carefree. He was unsure if the conversation would turn to thinking of another riddle, but before he could Thomas asked a question that shifted the topic. Not that Arthur minded of course. "Are you going to win the joust against Sir Percival next month, my lord?" He smiled at this, knowing that years ago if anyone had asked him, he would have said a simple yes, due to his arrogance. But now, he had faith in his men and knew that they had the potential to best him. "You never know," he said, not wanting to be cocky, though confidence was always an important trait in a knight.

So long as it was a . . . controlled confidence. "The tournament will be rather intense. I was hoping that for the next competition, I would be able to explain the rules and show you the preparation involved in a jousting match." Meaning, giving him a small tour around the arena, showing him the different lances, explaining the rules for it would be easier if he was witnessing it. And of course, have him assist in preparing for the joust, for he would then be able to explain the different pieces of armor and their importance. "So if your mother would permit you to come early before the match. I will be able to show you all that I can before the competition commences." Giving him a bit of a behind the scenes look, as he seemed old enough to learn about it. And as Arthur previously mentioned to Thomas, he needed to learn about the rules and complexities of the sport, before putting it into practice.

[Guinevère]

Thomas' head came up and he looked at the king and then his mother. "Mama?! Please!" Guinevère smiled and looked down at her son and pretended to think. "I don't know . . . " She said, with the tone of a clear yes there. "PLEASE!" She used the hand was was not supporting him to touch his noise. "As long as you promise to not get underfoot."

Thomas looked at Arthur, "I promise, my lord! I will not get under your feet! I will do as you tell me! I can even help!" Guinevère looked up at Arthur too, and waited until he glanced her way before mouthing a 'Thank You' to him, so he would know how much his offer meant to her.

She knew that it could not be easy for a man to be nice to the child of the woman he loved by another man, but Arthur never seemed to treat Thomas with anything but kindness and it only proved to her why he was such a great man. Why she loved him so much. Arthur did not let little things stop him from showing respect and kindness. She only wished she could find a way to make him happy.

To see him smiling again. Perhaps she would speak with Elyan or Merlin and see if they could approach Arthur with jokes or casual conversation that was light and funny. Something to give him the opening he needed to relax.

[Arthur Pendragon]

The boy's excitement and enthusiasm was rather sweet. Arthur wanted to help him in the way that Guinevère had asked him to, saying that he had developed an affection for him. Not just as a king, but as a person. For that reason, Arthur did want to spend time with him. It was no longer about owing it to Lancelot, though it had never just been about that. That was simply the excuse he had given, when really it was more about Guinevère. But now, it was becoming the fact that he was caring for the boy. And he wanted to teach him the things that his father was not around to. The things that Guinevère could not. Yet, the things that Elyan, Percival, and Gwaine could. Regardless, Arthur wanted to be a part of Thomas's life. Wishing he could be a part of Guinevère's life in the way he wanted to.

When she agreed to let him go, Arthur smiled once more, taking another sip of wine before setting the cup down. "Excellent then," he said, giving a very subtle nod to Guinevère when she silently thanked him for the offer. "I am sure you can Thomas. I will need an assistant to help me prepare as well." He meant that as more of a page, rather than a servant. "Do you think you will be up for the job?" He asked him, having a strong feeling as to what his response would be, but left it up to him to answer anyway. "I need someone I can rely on." He knew Thomas was a child, but also wanted to encourage him, without pressuring him. There was a fine line, and Arthur knew from personal experience what the latter felt like when being a child.

[Guinevère]

"Yes, sire! You can count on me! I promise!" Guinevère smiled at the excitement in Thomas' tone. She knew that would be a day he talked about to all his friends for weeks! And if Arthur won that all his friends would be envy of. While she wished her son was more humble, she was under the understanding that this was good for him. Or so Gwaine promised her. She was weary of where that advice came from, but in a very loving way.

Thomas sat back in this mother's arms again and seemed excitedly thinking about everything. She knew if she could change the topic and speak for a while in a low voice that he would drift to sleep. Yet what could she speak of casually to him? What could she say to him that could be said before anyone? "I hear there is to be a ball in a few months." She told Arthur, trying to be speak softly so Thomas will go to bed. "In honor of the treaty with Caerleon a few years ago." The queen was coming, if Guinevère recalled. "I have not meet the queen before. What is she like?"

[Arthur Pendragon]

He could tell by her choice of topic and the low tone in her voice that she was trying to minimize Thomas's excitement. Enough for him to drift into a sleep. And Arthur would help in what way he could. "I have not meet the queen before. What is she like?" A good question. Though it was years ago, Arthur remembered his encounter with her perfectly. He had single handedly brought war on Camelot, and had resolved it the only way possible. He'd gone there an enemy of Annis, and returned as an ally. Her words had been the strongest compliment he'd received -- especially from someone who was once an enemy. A justified one, for he had taken the life of her husband. Yet, she was willing to look towards a peaceful future. Proving, that she was a much greater person than he was.

"Queen Annis of Caerleon, she is a strong leader." Arthur admired her, for many reasons. And knew his actions against her husband had been cowardly. "A just and wise queen. One who strongly cares for her people. She has a good heart." He didn't want to overly personalize it. She was a friend and ally after all, and Arthur was not about to go into details of his encounter with her. Everyone had known the political situation at the time. "Will you be attending the feast?" He asked, hoping she would, yet knowing it would be difficult for her. Because at that point . . . the seat next to him would not be vacant, for Elena would have well returned by then. Trying not to think on it, he forced the thought out of his mind, wanting to enjoy this time with her, not find reason to bring down the mood.

[Guinevère]

"She sounds like someone I would like to meet." She admitted, knowing that even nobles often times did not get to meet royals who visited the kingdom. She would have to make Elyan try to introduce them. Yet she knew that, that night might not be the best times to meet a queen. Her mind would be on something else.

Someone else. "I should be." As long as Thomas was not ill and fine, then she attend most official dinners. Elyan and the others did not let her stay cooped up in her room all the time. She was grateful for them. Yet she knew this would be different, with the dancing and the light feeling that this night would have she would be only able to watch him with his wife. Something she was not looking forward too. It would hurt to see him with his wife, but she knew it was something she had to get used too.

[Arthur Pendragon]

"She sounds like someone I would like to meet." It was someone that he wanted her to meet, and someone he wished Annis to meet to. He didn't know why, he just did. "I will be sure to make the introduction then." He didn't really think of these words, they just came out. If she wanted to meet her though, then it would be easy enough to make that happen. Though, he wondered if he would ever be able to be casual around her . . . without anyone picking up on anything. Especially Elena. He recalled how Merlin had found out, saying that a blind man could see how obvious his feelings for Guinevère were. He knew he closed himself off, but after the intimate nights they had shared together, would he ever be able to do that again? Arthur just casually nodded when she said that she would be attending.

He knew that they were both thinking the same thing. How hard it would be to see each other that night. There would be many feasts, but the fact that this one was a confirmed one . . . one where they knew his wife would return, and where they would have to live the life that they did before they were together . . . it would not be easy. In fact, Arthur found himself dreading it. He took another sip of his wine, because it needed to think of something to distract the slightly awkward silence, so that Thomas would not find it strange . . . so that he would slowly be lured to sleep. "At least it will give Thomas the opportunity to wear his new cape," he said. The safest topic of conversation seemed to be her son, Thomas. Everything else somehow led to something more serious and intense. But if the subject rested on him . . . well, it was just safe.

[Guinevère]

"i like mmy caapee!" Came the sleepy reply from his mother's arms and Guinevère found that she could still smile softly at how he was trying to be apart of their conversation but was failing as sleep took over him. "Thank you for that. I fear you started a trend. Every little boy now wants a cape so they can be a knight too."

"Allot of seamstresses have work now because they are in demand." When they learned the king had given it to Thomas for his bravery, all the little boys wanted one. She was trying to tease him, and not think on that night of the ball when he would have his beautiful wife on his arm, and she would be alone in the corner with her brothers as company. Suddenly, she didn't want to go.

[Arthur Pendragon]

Arthur smiled as Thomas's sleepy reply, knowing he was slowly drifting. Which was the objective. His smile slightly grew when she explained that everyone little boy wanted a cape so that they could be knights too. It was often the dream of any young boy to be a knight; a man of honor and privilege. He knew he favored Thomas above others, for obvious reasons. "Doesn't seem like a bad trend," he said still smiling at the boys who wished to have a symbolic item as a promise of the future. "It is something that Thomas earned." For his bravery, as he had explained when giving it to him. "He can wear it with pride, a reminder of how courageous he was." And pride over who his father was.

He was saying these words with the hopes that they would be some of the final words that entered Thomas's mind before he fell into a slumber. After all, what boy did not want to be praised. Though he didn't know that others were following his pattern, wanting capes of their own and how seamstresses were busy making them. Perhaps he wouldn't be the only boy that night who wore their cape with pride.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère looked down at her son as Arthur spoke and she knew that he was mostly sleeping. She could tell by the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the way he did not even smile at Arthur's words. If he could heard them, then he would just hold them in his mind as he dreamed. "How frantic his mother was," She added, knowing she was panicked that day.

"I do not know what I would have done had Percival not been there. He lifted Thomas up and took him to Gaius quicker then Gaius would have made it out there too him." She looked up at Arthur, "And with out you there to . . . " Make her feel alive and safe. "Thank you." She told him honestly, feeling that she had not thanked him for his comfort that night. "For everything."

[Arthur Pendragon]

He had not meant to make her relive the trauma of that day, but that seemed to be what the conversation was turning to. He had witnessed how worried she was, though he knew that by the time he did see her, she must have been significantly more calm. Compared to when the accident had actually happened where she would have been even more panicked. He looked at her, his expression softening when she mentioned how he had been there . . . when he felt he had only hurt her more that night. Even if he wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. It had been a night filled with passion, but he felt he'd taken advantage of her fragile emotional state . . . just like he did the first night. So she should not be thanking her. He should be apologizing to her.

Though he did not regret it. "You don't have to thank me," he said in a low but soft voice. "I wanted to be there for you. I only wish I had been able to be so sooner." To have prevented the accident rather than shown up in the aftermath of it. "But at least Percival and Gaius were there to aid you and Thomas." He was trying not to lead this conversation to a place where . . . he wanted it to go, but also a place that was still difficult to talk about. Especially since now, more than before, their time was limited. Soon enough, his wife would return. And they would never have these moments again. He wanted to take advantage of them, but also wondered if it would hurt her less if he didn't.

[Guinevère]

She looked down at her sleeping son and thought about what she had been thinking of asking him. With Thomas sleeping it seemed a good time to do it in. She wasn't afraid to ask it of him but she was worried about what might happen if his wife disagreed. Would she understand?

"You said if I ever needed anything, I could ask it of you." Her eyes stayed on Thomas as she spoke and while her voice held no doubt there was a softness there that said she was unsure how to ask if of him. "There is something I would ask of you Arthur, something that I do need from you."

[Arthur Pendragon]

"You said if I ever needed anything, I could ask it of you." Arthur had said that. He wanted her to feel able to come to him should she need anything. But at the same time, knew that she would not. Because of their past. Because of the feelings that still remained. He looked at her, slight curiosity in his eyes. She was leading up to something and he wasn't sure what it was. He could not even guess. "There is something I would ask of you Arthur, something that I do need from you." He wanted to promise her anything and everything. Tell her that whatever she wanted from him, he would give her. He wondered if it was a child, and then mentally kicked himself for thinking such a thing.

They had both hypothetically spoken of a child, knowing it was a possibility . . . knowing it was a dream. And they both knew all too well, of the complications it was arise. So what did she need from him? He felt like saying yes right away. Immediately. Not wanting to hesitate even for a second. "What is it?" He asked in a soft voice, wanting her to be able to come to him with anything she needed. And he wanted to be able to give it to her. He'd already given her his heart and soul. And he still wished to give her so much more. But he waited for her to finish her thought, to ask whatever it was so that he could agree, unsure he had the heart to reject or deny her of her request.

[Guinevère]

She kept her eyes on Thomas for a few long silent moments, thinking of how things could go so very wrong in a matter of moments. Thomas' ascendent on the horse proved it. She would have lost him, and lost everything. She could had just as easily died. The world was filled with fraught and danger and she wanted to make sure that Thomas was always safe and cared for.

Looking up at Arthur finally she watched him for a moment, build courage to ask it. "If something should ever happen to me, and should I parish." She didn't want to think of Thomas being so alone but she had to have a plan in place, "I know I have no right to ask this but there is no greater man I have ever known then you, Arthur. If I had just one last wish for my son it would be that he was even half the man you are, and his father was."

"Please, if I can no longer be there, I want you to take him. Make him yours. Raise him to be like you and to be a good man of honor. Make sure he knows that he was loved by none more then I and his father." She feared she might cry telling him this but other then her eyes misting over nothing spilled except for one single tear that rolled down her cheek.

She could ask this of Elyan, but she did knew that Elyan had set views on life and family and honor. He was a good man, but he followed his heart in trouble sometimes. "There is no one I trust more with the most important life that I know. It's you Arthur. It's always been you."

[Arthur Pendragon]

"If something should ever happen to me, and should I parish." Arthur began to shake his head when she said this. Nothing would happen to her. He didn't know how, but he would protect her. He would make sure that nothing happened to her, the way something had happened to Lancelot. He would give his own life before he let something harm her. And he wanted to tell her that. That she should not have such thoughts. But she kept talking, and he rendered himself silent, waiting to hear what she would said. Nothing would have prepared him for what she had asked him. Something that exceeded any sort of expectation or preparation. She was . . . asking him to be his father? Should something happen to her, she wanted him to take Thomas under his care? He could only look at her, unsure of what expression was on his face.

Love. Honor. Love. Longing. Love. The greatest was love. Because he could not say how much he loved her right now. What she was saying . . . what she was suggesting . . . that she trusted him enough, cared for him enough, loved him enough to entrust him with something so grand as her son. Not her brother Elyan. Not her other brothers of the heart . . . but him. The thought of what Elena would think of this, did not even enter his mind. In fact, everything fled his mind. Everything but the request she made. Everything but thoughts of her and Thomas. Just, everything but the most important woman in his life. How did he tell her how much this meant to him? How deeply, deeply honored he was by this? How he was so undeserving of it? How he wished he could give her what she deserved; a life of happiness. Rather than one of pain and hurt. She held him in such high regard, and he felt a kind of pressure that he had never felt before.

Despite the burdens placed on him as king, he felt the greatest pressure of all: to be the man she thought him to be. She had told him to follow his heart and not forget who he was. Now, more than ever, he wanted to be that man. He wanted to be someone she was proud to love. Forbidden still, but proud. It no longer became about him wanting to be the king that Camelot needed . . . but a king, a man that would make this one woman proud. Because right now, that was all that mattered to him. That was the pressure he felt, but it was a kind that filled him with motivation. Encouragement. Something he felt he never had during all the years of his reign as king. Something that she now gave him. Her unwavering faith in him, filled his body with warmth and consumed him with a euphoric feeling of love for her. He closed his eyes for a moment. As if trying to compose himself and control all the emotions his body filled with due to this one simple request.

No. Not simple. It was no where near simple. It was grand. So very grand. And he didn't know how to tell her everything that his heart was swelling with right now. She had made him feel alive after so long, she had made him feel loved and strong . . . and these things only strengthened by her request, one that involved her son. He refused to cry from it. Breathing back tears so that when his eyes open to rest on her, there were no tears. Just an affectionate expression of love that he had never given his wife. That he could give no other person than other. For she would forever be the sole person he loved. He wasn't sure how much silence he had let pass . . . for he could just look at her. Gaze at her. He wanted to kiss her and hold her and tell her how much he loved her. But she had asked something of him, and that was what he needed to answer first. Even though he had no idea where to even begin.

"Guinevère," he began to say, but the impact of all the emotions and what she asked of him caused his voice to cut, a shortness of breath, so it came out a bit caught. He quietly cleared his throat, trying to get a better handle of himself. But it was impossible in this moment. Inevitably, he did feel a tear in his eye, which he would later curse himself for. For appearing so weak yet, he still felt it was alright to express this emotion. What had caused this tear, he did not know. The fact that she loved him enough to ask him to care for the most precious thing in her life. The thought that there was a possibility he could lose her/ To know that he would soon lose her. To love someone so much, and feel so loved. So many things that he could not even organize these thoughts in his mind.

"Nothing will happen to you." He wasn't sure why that was the first thing that came out; the first promise, his vow. That nothing would happen to her. Perhaps the fear of losing her overpowered all else and he wanted her to be aware of the fact that Thomas would not lose his mother. Even though he knew that was not the purpose of her request. Only a precaution. "I swear," he paused for a moment, his voice catching again for a brief moment. "I swear that nothing will happen to you." Because a woman who he loved so much, he refused to lose. He paused once again, having just given his word on something. Having vowed something to her. And if he was anything, he was a man of his word, on his honor. "But," he paused again. Knowing that this wasn't the usual man he was.

He was normally so composed and collected. But not now. It was impossible to be so right now. "I would raise him as my own." Should something happen. Not that he would let it. But should something happen. He would raise Thomas as the son he may never have. Because, he loved her. Because he loved Thomas. Although, he could not imagine a world where she did not exist. Losing her emotionally was one thing, but he refused to lose her physically. Which was precisely why it would never come to this. Never the less, once again he gave his word to her. A promise on his honor, that he would give Thomas all he could within his power. That he would be a son to him . . . but that, he himself would be a broken father, for the loss of Guinevère was not something he would ever survive.

[Guinevère]

"Arthur," She started but he kept going. She had been afraid when he started shaking his head but had asked anyway and given him the time to adjust to the the weight of what she asked of him. Then he had started swearing that nothing would happen to her and she had spoke his name to try to stop him. But he'd swore.

"You can't promise things like this. You can't always be by my side to protect me. The world we live in is dangerous and every day we take our own lives in our hands to just step out the door. I don't plan to take foolish risk, and I know how to keep my self safe from most harms but something could happen one day."

"That is blame I would never place on your shoulders! I would pray you never felt guilt for that." She knew that this was not what they were talking about however, "Thank you." For taking Thomas in should she not be there. "I can't express the feel of relief that the knowledge gives me. To know that he will be in your care."

"I love you."

[Arthur Pendragon]

Rationally, he may not be able to promise her such things. But he just did. Which meant that if anything happened to her, he would blame himself. He already did for what happened with Lancelot. Thomas would not lose a mother because of him. He knew that she would not take foolish risks. Not when she had a son to look after. At the same time, he so desperately wished that he could be the one to stand by her side . . . just to make sure. Just to personally protect her. Rather than have to wait for those rare moments that didn't even happen every day, where he could catch a glimpse of her and know she was alright. Or hear it from one of the knights. Such as he had with Thomas's accident. He should have been there, but instead he had heard about it much later.

"And I can not express how much," he paused briefly. "This means to me." Not that she was thinking along the lines of what if something happens to her . . . but rather, that she trusted him with something so strong. "That you, trust me with your son." In a way that surpassed teaching him how to ride a horse, or joust, or use a sword. It was in a way where she was asking him to step into the role of father, if she fell out of the role of mother. The thought still sent a chill through Arthur, unable to think of such a thing. "I love you too," he said softly, the words feeling so inadequate. "I cannot bare the thought of something happening to you." Even if he couldn't be with her . . . nothing would diminish his love for her.

[Guinevère]

Guinevère smiled at him, not sure how to express the thanks she felt. "I will not take foolish risks, Arthur, I can promise you that." She had not wish to die, and she would be careful. Even then however, they both knew how quickly one person could be here one day and gone the next.

She was about to say more but steps behind her made her stand, with her son in her arms. Someone was coming. She looked down at Arthur for a moment, knowing that meant their time was up. The steps were growing closer and she had to think of her reputation. "And just keep off that leg, sire, and you will be up in no time," She pretended to be saying and then turned to see who was entering the room.

It was Sir Arryn, a tired looking man and Sir Flynn. 'My lord, the messenger has arrived from Gawant with a message for you from the queen.' Guinevère inhaled softly, knowing that was her cue to leave. She did NOT wish to be here when the message was read. "I should leave then." She looked at Arthur, and dipped a bow as best as she could with Thomas in her arms. "My lord," She said and looked at him for a moment longer before turning to leave. As she passed Sir Flynt, a knight whom had dark blond hair and soft blue eyes, he spoke to her.

'Allow me, my lady to carry him for you.' She paused for a moment and then let him take Thomas from her. "Thank you, he grows almost to big for his mother to carry him." By this time, Sir Arryn was telling Arthur about how the roads of travel were and she walked out toward the door. Looking back one last time at Arthur. 'I doubt that the weight is burden either way.' He told her as they were walking. "He never is." She told him as they walked out the door, leave Arthur with the messenger.

[Arthur Pendragon]

The approaching steps immediately distracted him and he noticed Guinevère stand, and refer to him as Sire. The way it had to be. Though he hated hearing it. Their escape from reality had come to an end. It hit harder when he heard why Arryn had come in here. It was to deliver a message from Elena. His wife. The queen. Arthur felt an odd pain in his chest. Perhaps it was psychological, but whatever the reason, it was there. And it had been caused by hearing mention of his wife's name while Guinevère was in the same room. She must feel uncomfortable as well. Which was why he was a bit relieved when she said that she had to leave. Arthur looked at her, then back at Arryn, trying to pay attention to what he was saying. But grew distracted when another man took Thomas into his arms. He wondered if that was actually the one who had offered to marry her. A curious thought. One that arose feelings of jealousy in Arthur that he was not proud of. Especially when he was supposed to be listening to words from his wife.

When Guinevère was out of sight, he focused his full attention on Arryn, hearing the updated situation. He wanted to know how many were injured, but knew that he needed to see for himself. The afternoon with Guinevère had come to an end. And he needed to return to his duties. Clearly, he made the worst patient ever. For as Arryn spoke, Arthur moved his legs off the bed, only slightly cringing from the pain of the abrupt motion. He braced himself, standing on his feet. Having only been clad in his shirt, with the padding under the chainmail over top, and a cut pant leg . . . he needed to change. Arthur listened attentively to Arryn, briefly confirming he was alright at the knight's concern for Arthur's health. Arthur was more interested in hearing what he had to say about the roads. Knowing where this conversation was going. The roads would be clearer which meant that soon enough . . . Elena would be coming home. That he would need to retrieve her from Gawant. He felt horrible for having betrayed her.

And still, feeling as if he was not ready to bring her home. The guilt consumed him all over again, concealing all of if. For no one could find out about this. No one. Arthur grabbed the clothes he needed and told Arryn that he would be down shortly. He quickly changed into his clean clothing, the strain in his arm only slightly numbed by the medicine. He would need something stronger, and something that did not make him drowsy. Once he was dressed, he took out the favor from the pocket of the pants he was no longer wearing and put it back in the safe . . . because it was time to awaken from his dream. It had been a wonderful dream, but now it was back to real life. Even if it was was the life he did not desire. Once the favor was put away, and he had his sword around him, he left his room and spent the rest of the day receiving progress reports from the condition of his men, as well as meetings with council about the recent events and what necessary actions they needed to take.

[Guinevère]

The last week had been one filled with Guinevère trying to avoid Arthur and at the same time keep him off his leg. It was awkward and challenging and she wasn't quite sure if it even worked but she'd tried. The first few times she had went and told Gaius and Gaius would seek Arthur out and at least make him sit. The later times she had to get creative. It was either Merlin bringing all his appear work to a desk that he could sit on his lap in bed, or Gwaine following him around until he escaped to his room (she hoped). She never knew which plans were working because she was avoiding him but she tried.

She hoped they worked. He needed to rest. Tonight was a night that she had been busy with, but was pleased with her work. She had been sewing and finally had gotten her new dress the way she wanted it. While most nobles did not think of taking care of their own clothing Guinevère still often made some of hers. This dress was a soft pink, and fit tighter around her so the need for a corset was not there. The top was made with s thicker cloth under it and the bottom flared out into a think skirt that billowed around her. The shelves were of a sheer pink that allowed her to be modest but not grow too warm in the heated crowd of the ball room for then the queen visited.

Guinevère's dress hung up on the wall and she sat down on the floor, a pillow beneath her as she sewed a small design in the bottom hem. She hummed softly as she worked, the same song she had sang to Thomas to help a restless mind rest. The room between the rooms closed so she would not wake him.